Dear Diary - The Midlife Edition

In this episode, I dive into the power of journaling and how it has been an absolute lifeline for me through the ups and downs of midlife. 

From brain fog to identity shifts, writing things down has helped me untangle the mess and find clarity, even on the messiest of days.

I share why journalling isn’t just about writing, it’s about creating a space where you can vent, reflect, and reconnect with yourself. Whether you're just starting or have journalled for years, this episode will show you how journalling can become a supportive practice for navigating life’s big changes.

If you’ve ever felt like your thoughts are all over the place, or that you need a safe space to explore what’s next, this episode is for you. 

Get ready to grab your pen and start unraveling your own story.

Want a beautiful one-page companion to this episode?
 Grab the free Midlife Clarity Map with reflective prompts that pair with the whole series.

Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Unravelling the Diary of a Midlife Mess. If something resonated with you today, I’d love to hear your thoughts, come join the conversation on Facebook and Instagram @themessymiddlelife or visit https://sharonwilkesburt.com/ for more resources and support.

Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review if you’re enjoying the journey so far! If you're ready to dig a little deeper into your own midlife transformation, check out my Journal through the Messy Middle course , it’s the perfect way to start untangling what’s next.

• Join me inside Journal Through the Messy Middle — a self-paced course to help you get clear, feel more like you again, and find solid ground in the wobbly bits of midlife.

👉 Journal Through The Messy Middle

• Want a gentle nudge each week to keep going? Come hang out in the Prompt Club - Monthly themes, weekly journaling prompts, and a live Journal Circle call to help you reflect, reset, and reconnect.

👉 Messy Middle Prompt Club

You’re not too late, too much, or too lost. This is just the middle ...and there’s gold in here.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to Unravelling the diary of a midlife mess… 

A podcast for women who feel like they landed in this season unprepared, uninformed and frankly bloody annoyed

Some days you wake up feeling unstoppable. Other days, you put my phone in the fridge …   It’s a lucky dip, really

If midlife feels like an endless game of ‘what the hell is happening now?’ then let me introduce you to the one thing that has kept me (mostly though that is subjective) sane—journalling. 

Now, before you roll your eyes and picture yourself writing ‘Dear Diary’ in your best joined up  handwriting, let’s talk about what journaling really is… and why it might just be the thing that helps you untangle the mess of midlife.

Shortly before my 40th birthday I was sorting through some boxes in the loft when I came across my diary from age 12-14… It was brilliant … Quite the insight… 

At 40 I had created this version of my teenage self being all very Enid Blyton, picnics in the woods, and jolly fun adventures - My diary completely exposed me as a fantasist - When I was 13 I went on a family holiday to Weymouth in the Dorset coast, now my adult memory of this holiday was sunny weather, beach most days, fun walks and adventures with mum and dad.  My diary revealed that I had indeed gone on holiday and yes it had been sunny but it was also BORING capital letters dots between each letter and exclamation mark to emphosise the utter boringness of it all.  HA! This is not how I recalled it. 

The diary also revealed that my ‘I wasnt really interested in BOYS’ 40yr old version of my teenage self  that the opposite was  true, it was full of who I fancied, who fancied me, who my best mate Debbie was going out with - the scandal, the drama … it was an absolute hoot to find … it also spared my kids who were pre-teens when I made this comedy gold discovery the eye-rolling lectures about when I was their age I didnt have time to get bored. 

I found diaries up to around age 19  - talking about people that I genuinely have no memory of - Scary!

 Stopped …

Some years ago - Pause Journal - Guided  Near the start of my unravelling I Progressed to blank journal … had to google - How to journal - Already knew my daily moves from work diary - had photos … but wanted to know deeper things - 

What do I want - really?

Who am I without the titles and job roles

I began to look forward to my daily journal practice

Mostly because it was covid - it got me out of the house - I’d get up super early - I loved the experience I created around the practice. 

Sunrise, coffee, beach,

Mental health POV - great to get all that crazy world stuff down on paper and reframe with gratitude

Its fascinating to me that , One of my journal entries in early 2020 reads - I think I might be in perimenopause - everybody is annoying the shit out of me right now! 

Denial  … and also was at that point around 5yrs in - didnt realise itchy skin, aching everything, playing top trumps on who could be the most evil with my teenage daughter

This took me down the rabbit hole of enquiry as to how at 50yrs old I knew so little about Menopause.

I often think if long after I’m gone someone reads my journal entries from ages 48 - 55 they’ll think ‘Poor love she really was quite bonkers” In any one week I could go from best day ever to worst day ever, I feel so energised to I just want to sleep for a 100yrs … but through it all my journal practice evolved from venting to a tool that I use to get clarity and practice self kindness There’s still quite often venting but I’ve learned to ask better questions. 

SCIENCE BIT… Did you know your brain literally can’t ignore a question? The moment I ask you something—like, ‘What’s the first thing you think of when I say hormones?’—your brain starts searching for an answer, whether you want it to or not. That’s because our brains are wired to resolve uncertainty. 

The revelations that landed on the pages of my journal blew my mind - things that I had no idea I was holding onto. Beliefs that I didn't know I had …. And the more I wrote, the more I wanted to know. 

This is the same reasons why coaches dont give advice….

It’s why asking the right questions is so much more powerful than just giving advice—because the answer that comes up is yours, not someone else’s.

So, let’s talk about journaling and why it’s such a powerful tool in midlife.

First of all lets debunk some myths:
You don’t need to be a writer.  You don’t need to write every day. And no, you don’t need to ‘do it right.’” whatever that is?!

You don’t have to use fancy words or be descriptive - You just let whatever jumbly mess is in your head fall out onto the page.  Its magical for the overthinkers and worriers and if you’re looking for a way to process some challenging stuff … Get it on the page … If you’re worried that someone will read it … burn it… bin it … just get it out of your head to give your beautiful mind space to breathe. 

Because journaling isn’t about documenting your day  This isnt Adrian Mole or writing some beautifully crafted prose. It’s about giving yourself space to process, to untangle the mess, and to hear your own thoughts without the noise of everyone else’s expectations.

Here are some of the ways in which journaling can be a game changer in the messy middle

Processing Change – Identity, Relationships, Career Shifts
Midlife is basically a giant game of Who Even Am I Anymore? The roles you’ve played for years start shifting—kids leave home, parents start needing you in a whole new way, careers can feel stagnant or suddenly uncertain. Maybe you’ve spent decades focused on everyone else, and now there’s this unsettling question hanging in the air: What about me?Journaling helps you make sense of it all. When you put pen to paper, you’re not just venting—you’re creating a space to explore what’s actually happening beneath the surface. It’s where you can safely admit, I don’t know who I am without this job or I feel lost now that the kids don’t need me the same way. And from there, you can start asking, So, what now?

Learning to Be Kinder to Yourself
Let’s be honest—most of us are way better at being kind to others than to ourselves. We’ll reassure a friend, be patient with our kids, offer understanding to a stranger, and then turn around and beat ourselves up for forgetting an appointment or not keeping up with some impossible standard.

Journaling can be a way to rewrite that inner narrative. It’s a practice where you can start noticing how you talk to yourself and slowly shift it. One of my favourite prompts is: If my best friend was struggling with this, what would I say to her? And then—spoiler alert—you say that to yourself. Because midlife is tough enough without also being your own worst critic.

Figuring Out What You Actually Want Next (Not What Society or Your Family Expects)
This is a big one. So many women in midlife are standing at this crossroads, asking What’s next? But the tricky part is that, for years, we’ve been making choices based on what was expected of us—what made sense for the family, what felt responsible, what kept everyone else happy.

Journaling gives you permission to strip all that away and ask: What do I actually want? Not what your partner wants, not what your grown-up kids think is ‘appropriate’, not what society says is ‘age-appropriate’ (ugh, don’t get me started on that). Just you.

And it’s okay if the answer doesn’t come straight away. It usually doesn’t. But sitting with that question—even if it feels uncomfortable at first—can open doors you didn’t even realise were closed.

Making Sense of the Emotional Rollercoaster of Midlife
The mood swings. The brain fog. The sudden rage because someone left a cupboard door open. The days where you feel unstoppable, followed by days where you wonder if you’ll ever feel like yourself again. Hormones are doing a number on us, and society doesn’t exactly prepare us for it.

Journaling can be a way to track what’s going on. Some women even start to notice patterns—certain thoughts or emotions tied to specific times of the month (yes, even in perimenopause, there’s a cycle happening). More than that, it’s a place to offload the overwhelm instead of letting it all swirl around in your head.

Because midlife can feel messy, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay lost in the mess. Writing things down doesn’t magically fix everything—but it does help you make sense of it. And sometimes, just having that clarity is enough to take the next step forward.

Journaling has been my lifeline, and it’s exactly why I’ve created a simple way for you to start, too.  My work is supporting women through the messy middle and if this hadnt worked for me then I wouldnt be sharing it.

But, If anything I’ve shared today resonates, stay tuned—I’ll be sharing more soon about a journaling program designed to help you unravel the mess and rebuild with clarity."

I’d love for you to give this a go … So, if you’re feeling a little lost and wondering where to even start, I’ve got three simple—but powerful—journal prompts for you. Grab a notebook, open a notes app, or just sit with these questions and see what comes up.”

1️⃣ What’s a story I’ve been telling myself about midlife, and is it actually true?
We all carry around beliefs about what midlife ‘should’ look like—whether it’s that we’re past our prime, that we have to have it all figured out, or that it’s too late to make a change. But are these stories actually true, or are they just things we’ve picked up from society, family, or even our own self-doubt? Write it down. Get curious about it. See what comes up.

2️⃣ What’s one thing I used to love doing that I’ve stopped, and why?
Think back—what lit you up before life got so… full? Before careers, kids, responsibilities, and all the hats you’ve worn? Maybe it was painting, dancing in the kitchen, or just taking long walks with no destination. Why did you stop? And is it time to bring some of that back?

3️⃣ If I wasn’t worried about what others thought, what would I do differently in my life right now?
Oof, this one can hit deep. We spend so much of our lives considering other people’s expectations—partners, kids, colleagues, society. But what if, just for a moment, you set all that aside? What’s one thing you’d change or do differently right now?

"So there you go—three questions to get you started. And if something surprising or interesting comes up for you, I’d love to hear about it! Send me a DM or comment on [social media handle] and let me know. And if you’re enjoying these conversations, don’t forget to hit follow or subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next!"

Let’s continue this beautiful, messy, midlife conversation.”