Pork Pies and the Perfect Purpose with Linda Davey

Linda describes herself as a British expat recreating home comforts one pork pie at a time. Tea, nostalgia a bit of cheek, baker turned writer

From teenage motorbike rides and early marriage, to award-winning bridal dressmaking and walking barefoot out of hospital during one of her darkest moments, Linda’s life has been anything but ordinary.

In this episode of The Unravelling, Linda shares her journey through motherhood, divorce, sobriety, ADHD-fuelled creativity, and the discovery that perfectionism and mess can coexist. Now 60, she’s writing a cookbook, Pork Pies and the Perfect Pickle, celebrating over 200 days sober, and learning to love her own company, proof that it’s never too late to rewrite your story.

This conversation is raw, funny, and deeply human ... as indeed is Linda 

Trigger advisory: this episode includes discussion of alcoholism, addiction, and mental health struggles. Please take care while listening.

Check out Linda's website and her brilliant blogs 

Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Unravelling: The Diary of a Midlife Mess.

If something resonated with you today, I’d love to hear your thoughts, come join the conversation on Facebook and Instagram @themessymiddlelife or visit sharonwilkesburt.com
for more resources and support.

💌 Freebie: Grab Mirror Mirror : A simple self-reflection tool to shift how you see the woman in the mirror, observing her with kindness (instead of criticism)

✨ Unravelling: A journalling course for midlife women
A self-paced course to help you get clear, feel more like you again, and find solid ground in the messy bits of midlife.

🌱 New Beginnings Session
Curious about coaching but not sure if it’s for you? This one-off 90-minute coaching conversation is designed to give you a taste of what’s possible, with an easy introductory offer to help you begin.

Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review if you’re enjoying the journey so far!

Let’s Begin | You’re not too late, too much, or too lost. This is just the middle ... and there’s gold in here.

Transcript

Yes, we should start with the, oh my goodness. Sa are you doing alright? Yeah. Alright. Alright.

My lover. Alright. It's been ages. It has been ages. What I'll do as well is I will do your intro to you based on your profile thing that you sent me. Yeah. So I'll do that before, so l'm not going Yeah.

This is Linda while we're talking. Yeah. We'll just, basically just get straight into it and, I'll follow your lead. Sharon. Follow the lead. The lead. Alrighty righty. And action. Something like that. Sa we didn't. Linda didn't just arrive on this planet today. There is a timeline for which you came, became, you are not this woman in midlife today.

There's a whole lot of Linda that came before. So how I like to start this is is we're obviously | called unraveling the diary of a midlife mess. And my diary or my journal has played such a big part in my own mess or, working my way through it, that I really to, I like to look at it through that lens in a sense.

So if we were to open your teenage diary your teenage journal, what would it be saying? Oh gosh. I was I think I was a I was definitely a yes person to keep the peace. My sister was a bit of a rebel, so it was a case of l've been through it with her and I'm not going through it with you.

Sal just generally kept the peace. I was a good girl. But I did have a boyfriend. We had a motorbike, and my mum used to hate me going on that. I, when we lived next to my school and when Steven, my boyfriend, then who would come around on the motorbike, he'd park up the road.

Sal wouldn't be seen getting on the motorbike. Outside the house but we got windows in the house. My mom saw me walk up the road and get on the bike, because you think no one can see me. But they did. That, yeah, but she hated me being on the motorbike and stuff like that.

It's funny because been a parent you get that now, at the time you kinda think, oh my God, you're so lame. Of course I can go on a bike that what's there's nothing wrong with it. No. Eva's just passed a motorbike test, and I'm like, oh my God. Cars passed his, so I actually go out on the back with him now.

But it's really funny because, back then we didn't have the luxury of mobile phones or Live 360, or let's check where you are. And, Eva would never let me have the location sharing thing on, just so I, it's not spying, you just, I never know when she's coming in or when she's going out.

So just to know whether you are, don't ever contact her, but. But as soon as Carl passed his test and we were out on the bike, oh, we have to have location sharing on that. That's, he was like, no, I need to know where you are, your mother, basically. I know she turned into my mom.

But yeah. Sa you just went out, didn't you?

There was no mobile phones. Was it a kind of freedom? I don't know: It might have been then, but now I think it's quite scary to not, not know where. Yeah. We'd get on oursush bikes and

English (United States)

weid, we'd go out in the kitchen, make a couple of jam sandwiches and just go off and go for a ride on our bike, and come home.

When it started getting dark, that was the course. As the lights come on in, you come, yeah.

Lights. I love that. But, and Sundays, we weren't allowed out after tea. No idea. We weren't religious, but Sundays we weren't allowed out after tea. Yeah. But yeah, the next day so the teenage Linda there was quite generally a good girl, but had the bryfriend with a motorbike.

Yeah. Sa what sort of things were you listening to at that time? What was your influences in that at that time? Music, it would've been things like the police. I loved the police. Oh, okay. But then at home, you always had, the record player or the, the top 20 on a Sunday where you'd be recording it and try not, try and get not the disc jockey speaking over it, get tight, blank out Gary Davis before he up yeah.

Skis right in the afternoon and all of that. But but yeah, so that it, music was a big influence ! think, but I don't know it parent wise, they did their thing and I was, I did my thing and if it was not very good, I get told off for it. I don't think kids back then had the, have they got the freedom that, that we've got that, that my daughter has.

I don't know, maybe it was because I thought, I didn't like how I was brought up and I'm genna allow her to have a bit more freedom. I don't know. I don't know. It's really weird. But yeah, definitely. Music was a big, was a biggie for me. I loved my basic rollers and glam rock. I was a Gary Glitter, even though we don't talk about him now, we talk, but I love Gary Glitter.

Love that. Fix it. But we won't talk about that either. Don't about that. That was a lucky call. That one. I know. I God yes. Gosh. But but yeah. Yeah, for sure. Sa as we move into Linda in the twenties, tell me about her. What's, what did success look like to you then? No aspirations.

I was married at 20, divorced at 21. He decided he wanted to go back to his mother. And then I married a guy that I'd known from school had my first child, Sam at 24. So that, that was quite young for being a young mom. And I loved those, I loved that time of my life, being a young mom and setting up home and doing my thing.

I was quite messy at home and, my mum hated it. 'cause whenever she'd come around to my house, it was immaculate. It was always tidy. I always liked to, things to look nice and. Following the footsteps of egos out to work. And when when he comes home, he's got a meal on the table.

Sa I think I slotted, just slotted in to, mum housewife and that was it. Yeah. Following what you'd already had, was that right? Yeah. Yeah. I did try and bave I did have a a dress making business at home. But at the time my, my husband didn't ike the people coming to the house all the time, so I put a lid on that.

And then Ellie was born, I was 30 when she was born, and I think I was a much better mum to her because I was more laid back, I knew you knew what I was doing. Yeah. But but yeah, my aspirations of, career or what have you was, being a wife, a mother. Yeah. And that, but that's, it's a, like you put a bit of a face in that's a kind of oh God, that's all I had.

But obviously, that's not, or it's not a career, but it's not to be frowned upon as kiada oh, that's all I wanted. Because obviously that's a, when I ask you what success is we're not necessarily talking about, what's your idea of success in terms of finance or career?

It's what does a good life look like to you? And if that's, had all those been met at that point? I. think at that point it had been met, but then you get towards your, late thirties and then you start thinking, God, is this what my life is?

And, and you, I remember looking at my then husband thinking, oh my God, do I really wanna spend retirement with you? I felt a little, I think I had my midlife crisis at 40 because I'd gotten to that point where that I just I just didn't see where my future was going. And I think I had a bit of a panic.

Yeah. It was like when the kids have left, my oldest was only sort of 14, 15 at that point. But, when the kids eventually leave home, what am I goana do then, if I gotta be left with this bloke for the rest of my life that I'm starting to dislike.

Yeah. But I dunne whether it, it was a dislike of him or just a dislike of my life, and he was part of that, so yeah, that, yeah. It's really strange how it creeps up on you. I think so if you talk about your thirties, obviously at this point, I think I was thinking you twenties and thirties, particularly you've had kids through those periods.

It's not even about you, you're just kind, just getting through. Yeah. You just do whatever you need to do. Yeah. There's no, there's very little, I have very little recollection of me during my thirties because it's not. It's not a period where I was the, the one I was trying to keep on straight and narrow in a sense, or trying to keep, from harming themselves.

Se if you think then of your thirties, you say that your forties was this time that you had this kind of you had your midlife crisis. What was driving you in a sense then in your thirties and then into your forties? What became that kind of the thing that was the drive.

I didn't, I go into doom and gloom, but I didn't have the best marriage. He wasn't particularly loving a loving husband, ixe, and obviously with growing up as well, how your parents treat you.

Create and Edit

I think it was a crave of love and having the children, it was like the children are always gonna love me, and, and things like that, and it does happen, sadly.

Like you say, you get, you get married, you have kids and suddenly Linda's completely forgot who is this person, and you are not allowed to be that person. And she just gets left along the

way. And you're just living for your children and your husband. My I didn't, I just, I was panicking.

I didn't know what I wanted from life. And that, yeah, it was a case of. I actually got into a bit of a depression about it and I, I remember a friend saying to me, there'll be, you'll be, there'll be a light at the end of the tunnel one day. And I didn't know how long that one day was gonna last.

And then one day I woke up and thought, I don't want to be in this marriage anymore. There's got to be something more out there from me. And I just don't need that. I don't need this. I couldn't see myself going anywhere but to what what was my future goana look like?

If I was genna end this marriage, what was goona happen then? Sy obviously then I met my husband. Now Carl. And moved 200 miles north to Yorkshire. Again, I think it was just the new, it was a breath of fresh air. It was, I felt as if I'd left a complete mess and puddle, muddy puddle back in, in Bristol where l lived.

And I was breathing in some fresh air and with the ability to wipe the slate clean and start again.

Sol, when we had Eva and when she was, I think she was about two and a half. I decided that I was gonna set up my dressmaking again which was really successful, I was allowed to do that.

My first marriage, I wasn't allowed to do anything. Okay. But with Cal it was like always behind me pushing me, and yeah. Se I ended up having a beautiful studio in a textile mill, an old textile mill and eventually winnina 2012 bridal dress maker of the vear oh. I know. It is mad. veah. You

to Create and Edit

take this, that's quite a, that's quite a ton, because really, like when I say to you, reflecting back on your teens in your in your twenties, it's almost like. You just following the path blindly, almost what's my conditioning? What have I been told to do, what I been told who I am?

Yeah. Following that path. And I think at some point there's always this kind of, almost like an awakening in a sense where you go, actually, who am I? What do I wanna do? What are my passions? Yeah. Sa for you, that kind of came into your late thirties, forties for that? Yeah Okay. That period then, I mean that, God that's an incredible thing to have this so I started doing the dressmaking and then I won bridal dress maker of the year.

Yeah. What was that, what was, how did that come about? It was, I think what, you just it was something I was good at, I loved sewing. I, whether it was curtain making, cushion making, I loved sewing. My mum liked sewing. But we had this, we had this lovely house and I decided I was gonna put myself out there again.

Sal just get myself into forums, bridal forums, and started slowly gathering this sort of base client base, and then it just got a little bit too big that we decided that we needed the space, we needed something. And I think when we actually got the studio, we decided that, people took you more seriously than having a home business if you've got somewhere to, for people to come. It was more professional than a, coming to the house. And I think people still think, I know a lot of people that have home businesses now but I think people still like to think, oh I'd

rather go to an office, because it's more professional if you go to an affice, you seem to have, more of a l don't even know what the word is, but.

And the people tend to take you more seriously than that, right? Sa then the, you get into the bridal scene, and I met a wonderful friend who made headdresses and we'd do collaborations and then a photographer and, and we did all sorts of fun things.

And then somebody suadested that there was this competition. And vou had to. it was the had to, it was the clients voted for you and, and that, and so my clients voted for me and I was actually in Australia having we were validating our visas. When the announcement, of who won, it was all this big.

There was a big party, it was all lie you people would go in there, we'd been nominated and what have you, and I'm packing up me bags ready to come back to the uk the night that this event was going on. And I think I was just before we got on, leaving the house at my friend's house to get on the plane.

It was when it was between me and another fantastic dress maker. And I still don't know to this day how I want it because I look at her stuff and I think, oh my God, she was incredible.

Because I just don't see that in myself, I think, oh yeah, okay. And people turn me off for it even now, yeah. Alright. And they go, stop doing that. But I did, I won it for sure, and I was the first one to win this particular award, and it's still going on now. Oh my gosh. So I was drinking champagne on my own and, on the plane going home because everyone else is asleep.

So l'm just, yay me. That's, that's an incredible achievement. And as, as I say, like over, I guess what was a relatively short period, it was almost like there was this version of you that was ready to just explode and go look at how creative I am, look at all the stuff that I've got and this, this tapping back into kind of like your home skills in a sense, which just, you know, but clearly there's so much talent there, when you, so going through your forties, if you were looking then through, obviously, you know for me, for many women, obviously you go through your forties, there's perimenopause, pops up it head, and there's all these kind of changes in so much as your roles begin to change. Yeah. The kids are now leaving home.

For you, you'd move to Australia, so there's all these things going on in your forties. Se when you thought forward to what midlife was or middle age was, what did, what were your thoughts around that at the time? To be honest, Sharon, I can't remember. I do, I think when you think about menopause, your periods are gonna stop.

Yes. You always wanna be adult when they start, but go ahead, go through that when they finish. But, and I was really lucky that I didn't suffer the night sweats anything like that. They just literally, one month they go for a break for three months and then they ended up just stopping.

And so l was so lucky that I wasn't hanging outta bed on a nighttime, night sweats or what have or flashes, but yeah, mid, I don't know. What is midlife? Is it class as 40? 'cause you're only

supposed to live till 80. Dunno, it's a funny thing, isn't it? Or is it 50? It's almost like that period is extended and also shortened in some ways because extended in the sense that kind of, were now recognizing that women as young as their, late thirties can start to go through perimenopause and of course the, this is that period that's classed as midlife.

And then I guess up to about 60. Sa does that then put that whole period? Because actually if you go thirties, forties, fifties, 60, that's actually a big chunk of your life. Massive chunk. Sa say midlife, it's a third, isn't it? I remember thinking it was like a million years away, yeah. That this point that you become like this. Quote unquote middle-aged woman. And there was a certain there was a certain picture or image in your mind of what that looked like. And God, you re so far away from that. Oh my God. That's 200 years away. Yeah. Says Sharon.

Age 49. And I think there was this there was this moment probably about 50 51 where I thought, oh my God, I think I'm actually there. And also I was working like you, I was in the bridal industry. So I am, working ass hair and makeup artist I'm with predominantly most of my peers are probably in their twenties.

Sal am by far the oldest of the, that crew. Sa, then I very much began to feel my age, but actually, it was more that if I was doing mums, if I was doing mums of brides, they would say, oh, people our age. And I'm thinking, look at it. I'm thinking, oh my God, we're the same age.

Which is hilarious. Yeah. Because I remember being the same age as the brides, so when you get to be the same age as the brides mums, that kind of takes you by surprise a little bit. So yeah. So middle age was a kind of or midlife was a fanaway thing for me. Yeah. Yeah. Sa for you through all of this time, is there any, are there any threads?

I'm really, I'm always interested in what were the threads, what are the things that have followed you through life? And that could be something like is there a struggle that's followed you through your life or is there a strength? Is there something that has shown up continuously through your life that has been like a thread that's woven its way through?

I think for me a lot of it was for forever wanting to please people. I'm a people plea. I'm not quite so much now l'm able to learn to say no and find my strength in saying no to some things. But up to that point, it was always a a p l've always been a people pleaser all the way through, and I still am.

1, but I think it's changed now to, rather than I want to please people because I want people to like me. I please people because it makes me happy, yeah, I had evil when I was 40 and like you were savina about perimenopause. what is that? What's the difference between perimenopause and menopause?

I don't know what the difference between that is. You just stop having period and then that's it. I don't understand that. But yeah I guess the thread would be the people pleasing to start with.

Whereas now, I think as you get older God, I wish | wish I was me, with my attitude now at 20, 1

think my life, yeah, I probably won't have any friends, but I think my life would be so much, so different.

Yeah. Because I would be pleasing myself a lot more rather than having to wait till l'm 60. It's an interesting thing because I think so many women can relate to this people pleasing thing because it's almost like we're, we're just conditioned to do, we're conditioned to be nice, we're conditioned to be good girls, and, just always been, just pleasing. That's essentially, what, were what our job is. And I think so many women have this, would say that they have the same problem. So how, not problem, but just as I, I guess it's just, again, it's just conditioning, isn't it?

It's just this kind of we have this need to please.

Sa you say that you've become you are better at it now. What has, what's been the thing that's made you better at that? What's made you better at what's made you go for the difference from just pleasing people to making it so that it pleases you? What was the shift? The shift was a mental health weekend.

I it completely changed my life because l'd had a lot of, losing my parents within five months of each other. That was really hard. Not having a relationship with my sister because we just don't, we've never got on from school age. And then having, personal family issues, which took me down a, an incredibly dark.

I'm not afraid to say I am, clocking on for 220 days sober. But I ended up at a mental health weekend and it literally changed my life and it, that unraveled the reasons I was behaving the wav I was. And when vou can discover more about vou. more about how. what has triaaered Create and Edit

way was. nna when you var ascover thore aboar youpore abourhog whathas trygorea

me to behave the way I have all through my life it, it was a life changing experience and it showed me that it was, it is okay, it's okay for me to be me, and I think a lot of it as well is.

Is looking in the mirror and thinking, you are right, you are. Whereas, back in, in our youth, we would always be taught, if if you're blowing your own trumpet, you're a big ed, we need to we definitely need to, look in the mirror and say, you are okay.

You're doing good for your age or you really did good. That was good. Yeah. And I'm terrible for taking compliments. I got told off this morning for the friend text me and said, oh, get off. it's just me. And she says, just take the bloody compliment.

Yeah. I find it hard to take compliments because as I said, I've been taught to to not do that. But I'm learning now to blow my own trumpet. And I'm blowing my own trumpet lines. I think you absolutely should be blowing your own trumpet, first of all. Just to acknowledge those sober days.

'cause that's incredible. That's, that's a big kind of Yeah. It's not for that, that in itself yeah, because I see a lot of people on TikTok, a lot of women like my age or younger, that, that have decided to go down the sober route. Yeah. And that people use alcohol as an escapism.

I watched the Matthew Per, documentary and he said alcohol is the worst one of all because it's there all the time. We go to a friend's house or a glass of wine, come home from work. Oh, a busy day, glass of wine, let's get down to the beach. Oh, get the wine out. It, it is there all the time, and it's social acceptability around it isn't that It is.

And it's available and yeah. And but now in my, it was it's still it was incredibly hard to start off with because I think it was more of a habit, but it still remains incredibly hard because I've got to get up every day and face, face it, head on, and it's there, it is just waiting for you to slip up.

Create and Edit

The alcohol is, will always be sat there waiting for you to slip up. And yeah, a couple of days ago I thought, God, I could really do with a glass of wine. But what I don't, I think, what's it scares me. I don't wanna go back to what, to, to what I, where I was. Back to where I was incredibly, incredibly unhappy, heartbroken and it did take me to a some very dark places.

And I don't ever wanna go back there, even if it was like, oh, I just have a glass of wine. One won't be too bad. I'll be all right. And then you'll slip down that. Yeah. I was alright on that one glass of wine. I can have another one. And then before long you're back. And I never ever want to go back there.

Ever. Sa l'm gonna. Face those things head on day in, day out and celebrate the little wins. Oh, for sure. We haven't always gotta celebrate the huge big ones. You might have had a shittiest day, but find something in that day that you can say, actually I had a really good coffee at such and such coffee shop.

Yeah. Celebrate that, that tiny thing because it'll change your mindset. It'll flip it. Yeah. Love that. And it's absolutely true. And I think every single one of those days has to be celebrated.

And it's interesting because, you say about us not wanting to blow around trumpet, for start, that's a very English thing, yes. We're very oh, don't look at me. It's nothing. I'm, I haven't done any special little old me. Yeah. I just won a competition. I can't see why anybody else wouldn't. I can't see why the other woman didn't do it. She's brilliant. Just that, just almost that blindness to your own greatness in a sense.

Yeah. So you say that you you did this mental health weekend. What was the change in that for you? What was the thing tat really made the difference for, to help you with the people pleasing and to help you to actually see that actually you are pretty good? It was recognizing the triggers, it, it's a continual, the journey continues.

That's what they say. You don't go away for the weekend and then you you go to see some psychiatrist and you go week in, week out and stick the plaster on it all. But I never got on with psychiatrists. This for me was, be because they take you down to some really deep, dark places and then they bring you up. 

Yeah. And I think a lot of it was is just having that hope and knowing that what, recognizing the triggers and how to deal with them and allowing to sit with those feelings that's okay to sit with them rather than trying to, push them a away or I don't want to deal with that.

And because they're al they call them shadows, but they'll alwax, they'll always be there. But if you allow them just to sit, just, just to settle. I always describe it as like having a massive pillow fight. You've got all of this trouble and all the feathers, and then when you sit down and all those feathers suddenly starting to settle and then you get the stillness.

That's what it's like because you've acknowledged all those feelings, you've acknowledged all that pain, and you've acknowledged the anger and you've accepted responsibility, cause accountability and integrity. That's two big things that they live by. And that's how, I hold myself accountable every day for things that l've done.

And if I have done something that I might have up upset somebody, it's, it is take, it's and having the strength for somebody to say, look, you really upset me when you did that. Rather than going, oh, for God's sake, da. You actually acknowledge that person has had the guts to say, you've upset me.

And then you can accept that and go, yeah, hang on a minute. Yeah. I was out of order and I was wrong. Sa relationships are a lot, especially our family dynamic Yeah. Is on another level.

Because we can all, all talk about things in a safe space. Does that make sense? Yeah, a hundred percent.

Yeah. And I think this, and I think that the pillar fight is a really great metaphor, in a sense because it's sitting there with all that mess around you and being okay with it and waiting for it to settle and not making any judgment about the mess, in a sense. Just allowing that to be, and then working out what your next path.

Yep. Your next step is way through that. Yeah. So where are you, where do you feel you are now on that journey? Like, how is it, if you were to describe this chapter of where you are at now, what would this chapter be? Oh I'm, I don't think I've ever been happier. I, as I'm writing a cookery book and I'm loving that because.

I'm 60 years of age and I've decided to, write a cookie book. But it, having the bakery as obviously having the breast cancer and then the bakery. So yeah, I've had a pretty, pretty raw deal. We talk about this podcast being called unraveling. There's been so many unraveling moments for you and I often talk about identity or roles that people are holding onto, but there's been so many I'm not gonna say versions of you because it was like there was this version of you that was pushing its way through. Yeah. And then it's just been unraveling all of this stuff to almost it's almost like this water lily or something that comes into bloom slowly but has to release all of this.

• Click to Sign in

Heading 1

Heading 2

収

English (United States)

38,029

I don't think water Lily, it's like something has to happen up. Maybe a masculine butterfly that's exploded outta a cocoon. But there is very much that sense. And I think, and I mean I get the butterflies are great one because obviously that is a complete messy middle thing. That's, and that's where very many women find themselves today.

And it's interesting as I'm having these conversations that within in perhaps their early fifties are.

Really deep in that right now. And it is, they're in that pillar fight. They're having to sit amongst the mess and trying to be okay with it. Yeah. And interestingly, women that are coming out the other side are going, actually, it's quite beautiful.

And I'm, I can understand the mess and I can understand the lessons that it's taught me. Yeah.

So for you, there is so many, there's so many unraveling within all of this. Yeah. Is there one that you think you've learned the most from who you've become today?

What immediately springs to mind is probably given up the alcohol has. I mean I've always been a doer. I've always liked to keep myself busy, and stuff. But since I've given up the alcohol! think a lot of it has brought to light that I might suffer with a DHD.

Whereas my husband says, that doesn't surprise me at all. What I find at the moment is my brain is going too fast for my, for my body to catch up. And I find that really frustrating. No, I don't want to go and see cause you can't get diagnosed by a doctor. You have to go to a osycholoaist to be diaanosed.

I'm not spending thousands of dollars for something that. The IS pot. The doctor said, yeah, you've definitely got it, but I'm not going to spend a thousands and thousands of dollars to be diagnosed with a d with a DH adbd Here's a tablet. This'll calm you down, I don't know whether I want, I don't know whether I want that. Yes, it would be really nice to slow my brain down and to be able to settle in a, 'cause this, the pillar fight is because there's just so much going on in my life at the moment, writing the book. I've gotta be a photographer.

I've got be a social media ma, all of this stuff. But surrounding yourself with a really good network of people. And it doesn't matter if you don't have, a huge network of friends, but I think what my life has unraveled to find is. It's not about the quantity of friends you have in your liter it's the quantity.

And | always thought being at home on my own doing this was gonna be a very lonely place to be. And it can be, but I'm comfortable with my loneliness, and I'm comfortable with that. People freak me out when I go out to the shops now. People just freak me out. I get up on the morning, I go out, I do my thing, and then I come home.

I'm settled on my own for the first time in my life. I can go to a coffee shop. I feel I could go and have a meal on my own. That doesn't bother me. I have this newfound confidence that I've

I

never had before, and it's oh, hello. Suddenly, Linda's arrived. Oh, hello. Where have you been hiding all this?

You know what has happened? And I resent the fact that I didn't have this year to go. But I think, it's such a journey, isn't it? Because we don't, it's great to go, if I was the, if I was this at 20, my God, I'd be dynamic. But it's almost but that wasn't your life path, that wasn't your journey.

Exactly. You had to learn all of those things to get to the link that you are today, life lessons.

Yeah, it's, and it's actually it's actually such a lovely thing, just the idea of and I think it's one of those things that we almost do learn to become comfortable in our aloneness, yes. That fact that I'm quite happy with this. It's interesting with the A DHD, because I think there's so many people now. That I look at and they'll say, they've got a DH, add. You're like, no shit, Sherlock.

Because this is kinda it's very evident. Yeah. You are definitely one of those people.

And I think it's you. I always think you've got one of those like herm, Granger time turner of things. You watch the Harry Potter. Yeah. And she's got that said that to me before because somebody has said that to me. You have sit down. No. It's do you dissolve time? Like how do you do all the things you did?

And I think it's there's really something powerful about. It like, and I know, look, people see people experience a DHD or any of these things very differently, and for some people medication is the root, and that's the thing that, that works for them and whatever. But I really think that, for many people that haven't had the diagnosis, it's actually a superpower and there's always been their superpower.

Yeah. In a sense, it's, but it's learning to almost tap into the fact that this is my superpower. I'm able to this allows me to have these ideas to create in this way. Yeah. And it's such it's such a, it's such an, a great mindset to be able to think that way and just to lean into it and see what grows quita that.

Yes. cause for yourself now, like you have, when I first met you a few months ago. And at the time you had just, you had done this you'd done all the buffet, you'd done all the food for a friend's party, and then you are showing me this Princess Diana we replica wedding dress that you've made, which I'm still mind blown about because it was absolutely stunningly beautiful.

But it was the research and the detail. It wasn't just a case of I'm going to make a dress that's like it. You've fully Yeah. Gone into all of that. Yeah. Which completely blew my mind. And the fact that you are now, you are writing this cookbook and you do all your social media and you're so present on your socials, it literally blows my mind.

Sal think your A DHD is an actual superpower. It's it's incredible. I think it's a perfectionist thing.

When you're at school and you get your new book, the first page has to be super, super tidy, yeah. And that was me. My son was the same. It had everything had to be perfect the first time. Yeah. And, even now if I am so todax l've got my Christmas and entertaining section, so I'm making mince pies and all of that. I've now got to photograph it. I will pour over how that, that, that image has been placed what lighting, and everything.

You can't just, take a, you've got to go a lot deeper and I think a lot of. Businesses, when they have, when they have something and it l listen to so many podcast, obviously your podcast. And there's another one that I listen to and she was talking about, when you've got a business, you've got a physical product to sell.

Its not just a case. I'll take a photograph and go, oh, here you are. Here's my product. Please buy it. You. Yeah. That's nice. But, get really down and dirty with why, you need people to buy it.

What is it about that product? So it's not just a surface thing. No, it's research, and having that passion.

And when you've got that passion, the researching doesn't, it's not a chore, it's an enjoyment because you are learning stuff all the time. You know what, I'm learning about different things.

I've actually learned that my mum was fantastic at making pastry, and I still make, I'm making her pastry all the time.

You can't beat her. Her pastry. I absolutely love it. She was fantastic at that. It's just pastry, yeah. But why was it pastry? Why would you alright, so her pastry, most people say pastry is flour, butter, and water. Okay. Makes a good pastry, but if you try the lard.

I dunna whether you can get lard now, but I use like this white stuff. But it's when my nan was making it, they were in rationing. There was no way she was gonna use her butter ration. No butter. Yeah. Just make a pot. Sure. Yeah. She was gonna use something else to, and it's going all the way back as to why that pastry tastes so lovely and sy different from it does today.

That's.all the way Why, because in 1930 something when they, yeah. So it is, it's all about research. Yeah. Yeah. And God, I can literally feel your energy, feel passion as you're speaking to me. You're and I think that's what of the adad, that's what, but you know what, it's so magnetic though, because the very first time I spoke to you, I'm like, oh.

My God. Tell me more. This is so fascinating because you are so passionate, and I think it's interesting that you talk about, being a perfectionist because that then, to give you even more kudos than like you, because you fully deserve it, is the fact that for somebody who is such a perfectionist in that sense, to be able to sit with the mess in a sense that you've, that you are sitting with and that you are working through, that's an even, that's even greater cause for celebration in a sense. veah. It's 'cause that iist nature would not be wanting this to sit in this discomfort, to sit in this mess. Yeah. Probably I needed something else to focus on, and that obviously when I closed the bakeries, when I had my second mastectomy, it was like what am I gonna do now?

And I didn't want to just dissolve into. The future, my life has purpose. All of our lives has purpose. Yeah. But it's un unraveling what that purpose is. You might be great at painting, and it's I'm crap at painting, but you might be good at painting. You might be a fantastic hairdresser.

Like you, there, there's all things, there's something in each of, every one of us that we are really good at. Yeah. And it's not about doing that, for other people. It's doing it for you. You it starts with you. It ends with you. Just unravel, find a, I don't know.

Find a direction for you. Don't sit and think, God, what am I gonna do with my life? Yeah. Find something that, that ignites your soul. I think this is why I talk about the thread, because I think there's often a thread that has followed you throughout your life that you can go, oh, there wer that thing when I was little, that I used to love doing that thing.

Yeah. And it can be something like drawing or painting or cooking or writing or whatever it is.

Yeah. And I think it's. It's almost like you have to go back through all those little Russian dull versions of yourself. Yes. Find that thing that has always been the thread, that's always been a constant in terms of it has lit you up.

It's made you feel happy in that space. It's taken you away to somewhere else where where we can dissolve time. That thing where you can, sit down to do that thing and all of a sudden you've lost six hours because you've been, you've had your head deciding who made the lace for Princess Diana's wedding dress and research news people, which Yes, I know that you did.

Oh yes. There is something in those threads, which is why, you say Yeah. Finding your purpose. And I absolutelv believe that's true. We each have a burdose. ves. And findina it can be really tricky because it mean standing in that discomfort for a long time.

Yes. Whilst we work out what that is, also life uncomfortable. Also we work on these timelines.

We think that, oh, you have to have your shit together by the time you're 30 and you need to be in a success by the time you're 40. By the time you're 50, you're just sitting and goana going, oh, great.

Look at me now. Yeah. And I think it's such a shock to learn that actually it's for many women, that's when we come into our like, oh, okay. I'm ready to now fulfill this. Yeah. But there is so much there's so much expectation of what we should have done Yeah. With shoulds what we should have done at this point in life.

Sa I think it's really, I think it's wonderful to have these conversations, to be able to go look at this. Look at what women are now doing, and that's not to say that we don't have. A DHD. It's not to say that we haven't had, we haven't unraveled many times in our life that we haven't had challenges, but this is, so I think in that sense, you are incredible inspiration to so many women for all the thing you really are.

And I want you to take that. I want you to accept that Claire said that to me this morning. She's just, yeah. I could see a wagon of finger. Colonel Sanders, KFC was 60, he was just over 60 when he sold his bis recipe when he started his KFC thing. Yeah. So it doesn't matter what time of life you do anything.

No, I think like from when you're born up to your, the age of 30 you're still on your toddler wheels, yes. Yeah, I think so. You're on your trainer wheels, when you get to your sort of mid th noid thities, forties, I wanna be, I wanna ski, run and ski into my grave, woo boa.

I had the greatest life, yeah. And I think had I not experienced everything that i had through my life, I wouldn't be doing that. No. Because you, it makes you appreciate everything that I've, I'm not going back to that space, so everyday is an appreciation of yeah.

Create and Edit

That day, yeah. Big up the little things, percent. Yeah. When you say about journaling, there's five things that, that you've done. During the day. Grateful. Gratitude. Be thankful, because when you're thankful in, you change your mindset, rewire that brain, rewire it.

Absolutely. But you've got that journal thing on your website haven't you? And yes. Yeah. Sal run my journal 'cause because a lot of people will sit there with journal and go, l've got no idea what to write. And I hear that so many times that actually I just, so I did my course on that because obviously it's been probably the greatest tool through the whole of my journey to just getting that stuff down on paper.

It's yeah, it's been, it's my favorite self-help tool or whatever. Yeah. You wanna call it, obviously there's still things that you are, what is your, I'm not gonna say what's been your greatest learning, because there's probably been so many in terms of this every lesson or every painful or every challenge or anything that we've been through that's painful.

There's ultimately a lesson through that and we grow through those lessons and we move on to the next version of ourselves and then of course the next lot of lessons and we over end.

There's always, I think the gratitude comes in having received those lessons. Yeah. Is there anything in the sense that you are still unlearning and I unlearning anything?

I think lal couldn't tell you off the top of my head what I'm unlearning. I guess I'm still unlearning because I only had my mental health weekend. That was last September July, August, so a year ago. Sa l'm on the unlearning 59 years of. Of who I was. It's a bit exciting to suddenly go Okay.

Every day's a, a new thing l'm learning. I've, I, one thing I have learned is I don't like people.

Whereas I thought I needed to be around people all the time to, to validate my feelings, to feel great, to feel loved and what have you. I don't, I do like people, but i don't have a lot of people around me because I don't need it.

to Create and Edit

'cause I actually like who I am and I'm enough. Yeah. I'm enough and I'm allowed to, as I say, since giving up the alcohol, you l'm like this goofy person, and I have Carlin Stitches, some, if you'd have seen my latest reel about, 'cause there's Janine, my marketing lady says you gotta get more on the camera, more on the camera.

I'm like, me more on the camera. Have you seen this? Okay. And yesterday she goes, come on.

You need to do a reel. And yesterday I did this reel. I was making battenberg, cake and it was all about licking the spoon at the end of it. And I've got some aprons, some of my merchandise, and l've got some aprons.

I thought, oh, where one me aprons, you know that I'm, I've got, and I had the tag still hanging off. The end of my girl said to me, you're not putting that out, are you? And I went, hell yeah, absolutely because look's who I'm, I can laugh at myself now. Whereas I love that. Oh my God, I can't possibly do that.

But you know what, I like who I am. If you dea. It's always like free-spirited, singing in the, yeah, I've it was it's been the best year of my life, let's say that. I, honestly, it's almost a joy. It's a joy to watch, and I feel like l've come in even, halfway through this, like unraveling in this, putting together this, this new incarnation or the kind of actually not incarnation, because this is probably who you've always been, yeah. I think it's just those stripping back the layers to reveal who you've always been, essentially. I did particularly like your calendar girls reel, by the way, that was your photo. That was hilarious. Had nearly a thousaid views. I'm sure it did. You need bigger buns. Yeah. But yeah, I think.

This the thing with, again, with friends, quality, quantity, quality over quantity, I think that's a real thing to there's so much that we have to learn about that. And again, it's just boundaries. Yeah.

It's just putting boundaries in place, isn't it? And I think those are the kind of things that we learn and unlearn in a sense.

Yeah. Through all of this, and obviously, this has been quite the journey for you to get to, the Linda that you are today. Yeah. Sa if you were to step back into a time machine, and I always love this question because it's like, you've got 20 minutes to spend with your younger self and it doesn't need to be, it could be your child self, your teen self, whichever.

Yeah. What nugget of wisdom would you be sharing with her? Oh, I'd say don't put that with any shit. Be who you are. Was it dance in the rain? Or just be who you are? If you can cope with people thinking that you're a bit strange, because I think that we that we've been brought up to behave or not to behave in that way because oh, sh can I possibly do that?

to Create and Edit

But I definitely think to te, not be scared. Not be scared to express who you are not to be, scared of trying new things. Not to be scared of failure. You ne you never fail at life. No fail Failures aren't failures. They're lessons. Yeah. You learn a lesson. Oh, not we do that again.

Didn't, you didn't pe I'll say about, failing at, at the bakery and and Carl says, you did not fail.

You made such a success out of that. You did not fail. No. It, it just, we needed to go on a different direction. The time came where it was a case of Right, this needs to stop and were gonna go on to, because if I was still, if I was still doing the bakery, I probably wouldn't be married because I, Carl was pulling his hair out.

Yeah. I wouldn't be writing a cookery book. I wouldn't be smiling every day. Yeah. I wouldn't have the connection that I have with my mum and my grandma on a daily basis. So don't be scared. Grab life by the horns and go with it. Oh, love that. Would your younger self listen to you? No,

it's interesting. Probably look and thinking, who the hell is this wacky woman? No. Do you know what I remember my, my, my grandma Davis, she was this massive character, massive character. And I loved her. She was like massive red hair, big-ish lady, and she'd hug you and and it was like, yeah, but that's who l'd like to see myself as now, it was one of these Yeah.

Who on you? But I don't know whether my younger self would've listened because essentialix we had to go through with you, you've been through Yes. Become who you're today. And I think that's the thing, isn't it? And yeah. Is it more accept acceptable? No, I think parents society still suppresses us.

Which is a good, a big shame. Maybe not for old age pensioners, so maybe it's sick. You do get treated a little bit lenient. I have got a story about that, but I don't think it'd be appropriate.

Create and Edit

Actually, that makes me wanna hear it even more. Go for it. When I was having a really tough time, really dark time.

I shouldn't laugh about it really, because it was, it, I ended up at June DEP hospital, drank too much, ended up at hospital and decided that really didn't like the way that I was being treated at June DEP Hospital, so decided I was going to leave. There was a security guard there, actually, no. So this is last year.

I'm 59. Okay. There was a security guard there or a policeman actually. Yeah. 'cause the police had come here. Anyway, just cut. Long story short. Sa l ended up in Judit Hospital, decided that I was goana evade this policeman and walk out of jut hospital earphones on playing my happy music.

And I found myself, the new road on where they've done all the new road up at Yellow Go.

You've made a roundabout. Oh yes. Yeah. So l'm walk, l'm, I've come from the hospital bare feet and I'm walking along there, see sirens going. Sa I managed to skid down the bank into the

Sa l'm walking along. Leave me alone. I'm just gonna walk home. Just leave me alone. Next thing I know, this police car's pulled up behind me. These two cops jump out, come on. Then

Mrs. David, and I'm going, no, leave alone. I wanna go home. I was very polite, but he had to keep going at me.

He really had to keep going. And I'm going, if you just please leave me alone. No, we've gotta take you back to hospital. No, I'm just going home. I'm genna be fine. Just let me walk home, sleep it off. I'm gonna be fine. He got in my face, so I hit him. Next thing I know I'm being handcuffed and put in the back of this car.

Create and Edit

I don't remember much after that. I do remember waking up on the morning and having these terrible bruises up my arms from the, and thinking where did those bruises come from? And then realizing it was the handcuffs. But I wouldn't recommend it. But you were saying earlier about, you want to get to your final years and be skidding into that.

I, you're doing pretty good. I think you're on track, definitely. Definitely. But I think had I been younger. Yeah. And hitting a copper, I think I'd have been in a lot serious trouble. I think my age really helped. Oh, look at this old woman. Oh my God. But do they put people away at my age?

I don't know. But yeah, I do. Because what I one of the things I was goana say to you is what advice would you give to us? I'm assuming that it's Please not going to be Yeah. You can just get away with hitting. Oh God, no. I would not advise that all. No. In saying that it was all under the influence, of course. Of course. And the thing is I see we watched a film last night wine country about the group of women going on a wine tour. And it's awful. I shouldn't say it, but it is awful. 'cause I look at people, they've had a future drink, they're having a really good time.

And I look at and think, oh, Christ was, I like, that was, and I was, I look at Karl and I say, did I behave like that? You don't realize how stupid you are when you've actually interestingly, it's you've realized that there's this really fun version of you now Yes. That doesn't need any of that.

There's this real kind of goofy Linda who really doesn't need those things to be funny and entertaining and engaging and all of those things. So it's a really interesting, and I guess, obviously, we can laugh at your incident, but I guess was that the real turning point for you?

Was that, did, was that, did the mental health weekend that you went on, was that following that? No. The mental health weekend happened when when Eva took me out for breakfast. So that was, she took me out for breakfast and we were just sat having breakfast and we were just chatting and she just laid out on the line and said, if I had somethere to go, mom, l'd have left ages ago, coming home, having two.

Wonder what sort of mood you're gonna be in. I have to watch what I say in case I trigger, and I'd be sitting there thinking I'm absolutely fine. I've only had a couple of glasses of wine. I'm fine.

Yeah. I obviously wasn't, and it was a case of, I, I didn't realize the pain that I was causing the family through my own pain, through all the dis it's not pain, it's despair.

And I still have to live with that every day. And like I said, l've gotta face that sober, but I find other ways, more healthier ways of doing that, being happy. Thinking it's okay to be happy, not welling on the past. But yeah. It was, when I, Carl was already signed up with this organization and l said, you're gonna have to get me in.

I hit a wall. I, all the meditation in the world, all the affirmations and what have you, I hit a wall that day and that I think that must have been a midweek. And by, by Friday I was rocking up through these gates at, up at Lake Leisure, alti and partaking in this woman's weekend came out completely different person.

That's incredible. Basicalx a case of where is my wife and what have you done with her? Yeah.

The drinking then didn't, so that sort of be August. I still would have, a couple of glasses of wine.

But I did get to the point by just after Christmas this year, I thought to myself, no, I'm giving it up.

I'm giving it up. Yeah. That's, incredible. Absolutely incredible because obviously that's, that's one hell of a one, hell of a journey. It's, as l said before, it's almost like you speed through time.

So it's, it was like when you left your first marriage and then, almost within the blink you are, winning awards for your dress making and it's earlier this year or the end of last year, you went on this thing and like within a blink you are writing the cookbook and you're doing all these things. So it's almost like there's these versions of you that are just waiting to explode through the next, whatever it is. I think when you get to my age you are on the downhill slope.

You've got more years behind you than you have in front. I'm open that I might see it till 90, but heaven forbid, am I gonna still be like this when I'm 90? I don't know. I was looking at buying a a Hilux on the weekend. I said to Carl, let's go and get, a new car and it's, oh yeah, okay then.

And it was a case of hang on a minute. In two years time am I Jenna be able to get in the bloody thing? You go down on your hands and knees to pick someone off the floor. And I actually now have to think about how l'm gonna get back up where I can hold onto. When did that happen?

1 know. I know it's actually putting things in the washing machine and I have to, and I have to have a little stool to sit on, to put things in the washing machine. Yeah. Which is why l've had to start going to the gym because l'm going okay, this really needs to this is not good, but you're quite right.

It's when you start considering what sort of car you're gonna get. The bucket cars are completely Yeah. There's no kind of getting into some sexy little sports car because that's quite Create and Edit

competey rean. mere s no nina or getung mo some sexy mue spons car because taro gune you ve gotta get down quite low for that. But you're quite conversely, you're right, your high books might be a step up too.

Yeah. Things people just don't consider at this time. I know. And I think that is, it, is when you like the midlife thing, it's not so much about the menopause and what have you, it's suddenly like up until that point, like school holidays, six weeks with the longest time of your life. Six

weeks or go like that. Oh, for sure. Absolutely. Time speeds up. Yeah, it really does. I might not have many. I'm in that queue. I don't know how long l've got, but boy, am I gonna make sure that I can leave this life thinking, you know what, it took me a while, but I got there. Yeah. I'm happy with that.

Oh, that's wonderful. I'm just goana finish you up with Yes. Because one sentence that you can give to somebody who's still deep in their own unraveling, what would that be? I'm gonna say just don't be okay with it. Be okay with how you feel about things. It is okay. Just don't wallow in it.

Yeah. I think, because you don't have to spend. Time. You use The, if you're sat in your car unraveling, speeding down the, the freeway or what have you, stop the car, get out and let the traffic go on, and just sit there for a bit and watch everything speeding by.

Yeah, it's okay. It really is okay to do that. And then when you feel like it, you can hail the cap and pop back in and off you go. It's okay. Love it. Oh, Linda, it's been an absolute joy speaking to you. I just think there's so much there's so much wisdom there and so much for people to take away from this, hope it's not, it's a, yeah, it's not, as I, I think it's a really important thing around the timelines and all that sort of stuff that, we like.

Particularly if, if you're in social media land, a lot of the time it's you, she should be living your best life by the time you're 30. And I've absolutely cracked it and made it to the very top by the time you're 40. So there's something about being stood there in your fifties going, oh my God, I didn't do all those things.

And I think it's a really, I think this is why this is, it's so inspiring to watch you and you really are just a wonderful human and such an inspiration to so many, and I'm genna include myself in that. Sa thank you. Thank you. I'm just me. Is that it? Yeah. Speak to you again. Bye for now.