Episode 10: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow: My Journey to Embracing the Bald Life

Brandon shares a missing piece of his previous relationship story and reveals how his journey through college at Wright State transformed his confidence and self-image.

Please start with Episode 1. Go to my site BrandonHeld.com

• Recalls a moment when his girlfriend's attractiveness to other gym-goers affected how he perceived their relationship
• Contrasts his isolating experience at Minot State with the sense of belonging he found at Wright State
• Details his struggle with Spanish classes while pursuing a mass communications degree
• Shares his disappointment when learning the realistic challenges of becoming a sports broadcaster
• Explains his transition from server to bartender at Applebee's and the workplace dynamics this created
• Recounts his journey to embracing baldness after premature hair loss in his mid-twenties
• Tells a memorable confidence-boosting story involving two women at the bar that validated his new look
• Hints at his eventual transition from bartending to his first career job in sales

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Promo at end of podcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:36

Welcome back to Brandon Held Life is Crazy, Episode 10. And so I went through my second significant relationship and brief marriage on the last episode and I was re-listening to the episode and I realized I left out a significant part of the story. And the reason it's significant is because when you're young, you're mid-20s, and you're still trying to find your way in life, both as a man and being respected by your peers and all those things, a lot of things happen along the way that influence that feeling and those decisions. And so... One part of the story that I left out that I need to tell because it impacted how I felt about my relationship with Angie is at the gym where we worked out at Wright State. When you want to come into the gym, you got to walk down this hall to come into the gym, which passes everyone that's working out. And that hall had windows up. So you could see right into the workout area and obviously the workout, people working out could see you as well. And I was there and I was working shoulders and I knew Angie was coming in to work out because we were newly dating at this point. And she was walking by the windows to come in to the gym and a group of my buddies were huddled up. that I would say we were like great friends that hung out outside of school and stuff. I talked to all them, almost all of them pretty significantly. And they were huddled up over there by the window and I was walking their direction to just talk with them. Just say, hey guys, what's going on? There's about eight to 10 of them. And then as I'm walking in their direction, Angie comes walking by the window to work her way into the gym. And one of the guy go, one of the guys go, oh my God, here she is. Here she comes. And then I just hear like everyone else chiming in. Oh yeah, she's so hot. This girl is so hot. And they're all saying all these things about her. And I'm still standing on the outside and it, cause I had never quite made it to the circle, but I overheard all of them. So I didn't go over and say anything to them. I don't know why. I don't know what it was. So I just turned around and I went back to the bench that I was sitting on. And when I did that, she walked into the gym and she made her way towards me. And then she sat down behind me on the bench that I was sitting on and kissed me on the back of my neck. And when she did that, I just heard this collective groan of, oh, no. Like all my friends and people that I worked out with at the gym knew me. This was their introduction to the fact that they were dating and I could feel the jealousy coming from them. I could feel that they were so upset that she was taken and I was the one that had taken her. And that was a significant moment because. That weighed heavily on how I looked at her and saw her because I realized just how everyone else saw her too. And when you have that in your mind, it changes the way you see someone. So that was also part of what was hard to break away from her is I knew she would never have any problem finding someone else and rebounding and being with someone else. I knew that wouldn't be an issue. And so that was just a part of that journey that I wanted to share with you. And I now want to backtrack into just my time at Wright State because it was important, right? At Minot State, I... knew some people and I went to school and I saw people at school and that was it. I didn't connect with anyone. I didn't make any male friends. Nothing. I just felt like I didn't belong there. I didn't belong in North Dakota. I didn't feel like I belonged. And I went there three years. But when I went to Wright State, totally different story. I just made a bunch of good friends, hung out with all them. I was a I would eventually, for part-time work, become a bartender at Red Lobster with my roommate Jeff. And not only did we live together, we would be bartending together. So that was fun. That was a good time. We would go out to the club together on Thursday night, a place called Wallabies. And it was just a really good time in my life. It was fun. It was great outside of the stress zone. of actual school, which was stressful for me because I wanted to be a broadcaster. I wanted to have a broadcasting career. And at Wright State, their closest option to that was mass communications. And in that mass communications program, you had to have five quarters of a foreign language. So I was deeply intimidated by this. And so I asked everyone around and everyone collectively said Spanish was the easiest language to learn. And I took Spanish and I was not good at a foreign language. Not at all. I, through all the studying and hard work, I'm telling you, I put more hours and work into Spanish than I did collectively with all the other courses that I took. So. Even doing that, I still was barely able to squeak through Spanish. And when I say squeak through the last two semesters of Spanish, 201 and 202, I got D's. They're the only D's I got at the undergraduate level. But I was happy with a D, as sad as that was, because it was that hard to me. You know, when I got to the 200 level series and I had only taken three Spanish classes prior to that, The instructor was basically, day one was like, I'm only going to talk to you in Spanish. At this point in your education, you should know how to fluently speak Spanish. And so I'm just going to talk in Spanish. I wasn't even close to that, right? I was at the point where I could barely understand some words and translate those words, but there's no way in heck I was going to turn around and talk back and speak in Spanish. And I made that clear to my professors embarrassingly, and they drug me along the classes, and I struggled to get through. But I did get through. And I guess it was that difficulty and that turmoil that was one of the reasons that when I finally did graduate, I was just so happy to graduate. Don't get me wrong. I was loving college life, loving it. It was great. I would get up and I would go to school. I would work out in between my morning classes and go back to classes. And then in the afternoon classes, I would work out again. And on the weekdays, that was my life. But on the weekends, I would also throw in bartending at Red Lobster. And it was just a great time. It was a carefree, relaxing, great time outside of the stress of studying and trying to get through school. And so when I did graduate with my bachelor's degree from Wright State, I was so excited that I had done it because A, I told you my story. initial where I came from on school and how school was really difficult for me. And I barely got out of high school with a 1.5 GPA and I didn't think I was anything close to ever being college material. And here I am now graduating college, which is something I never thought would happen with a 2.6 GPA and a bachelor's degree, which also still not a good GPA. But improvement for me, improvement for this 1.5 GPA high school guy. And another part of this is I was spending my time at the local Fox and NBC station interning. That's the word I couldn't come up with right now, interning. And they were really just having me sit behind a operator switchboard and just flip switches. And, and they were, some of the guys there were telling me that were doing this, that they had degrees and they wanted to be on air talent and they couldn't get on the air. And so I started asking around and learning more about how to pursue my dream of being a sportscaster and everyone was just really I don't know if negative is the right word or realistic, but it was really off-putting. It really steered me away from everything that I thought I was working for. And so I was basically being told I had the same odds of becoming a play-by-play man in college basketball or the NBA or the NFL or college football as an actor has to make it in Hollywood. Amazingly lucky and talented, or you need to know someone who can get you a job that you can do that. And I was like, shoot, how can I even, I haven't even had a chance to be on air yet. So I don't know that I'm going to be amazingly talented. And I certainly don't know anyone who That can get me on air. And then they were talking about the kind of hours you have to work and travel and all this stuff that made me realize if I wanted to be a family man, didn't sound realistic with that kind of lifestyle. And so everything that happened just totally scared me away from wanting to be a broadcaster anymore, from wanting to do sports play by play. It felt like this impossible dream. that was now out of reach even though I had gone to school for this very thing and here I was in my last year of school trying to complete school to work towards this and now I felt like I have just done all this for nothing I had just gone to school for this degree to work towards this career and it just wasn't going to pan out and so That was really disheartening. And that's what led me to a lot of the struggle that I had. And towards the end of my college, I had taken a break from Red Lobster because I was interning and I didn't have the same kind of time I had before. So I left there. And then when I got done interning, but hadn't quite graduated yet, I decided to go be a server at Applebee's, which I had done before. In Minot, when I was in college at Minot State. And then like in a month's time, really super fast of being there at Applebee's, the bar manager approaches me and says, Hey, Brandon, we need a bartender. Would you like to become a bartender? And I said, yeah, absolutely. Everyone knew being a bartender was better than being a server. And holy crap, did that cause so many problems. I guess there were three waitresses there. One of them, she had been there three years. They've been asking continuously and constantly, can they be a bartender? They wanted to be a bartender, right? And here I come in one month and I get promoted to bartender without even asking. They approached me. And it created all kinds of drama, including some hatred towards me. And I tried to smooth that over as much as I could and say, hey, I didn't ask for this. This was given to me, but it didn't really matter. Some people were angry with me. But also life goes on. I got to do what I got to do. So I learned to become a bartender. I became a bartender in Applebee's in 2009. It was good for what it was at the time, right? It was this thing that I would do to make some money to get by before, you know, I tried to get a quote unquote real career and make my life go on a different path, a different journey. And one day the bar manager approached me after I had been there several months or more. And she knew I was getting ready to graduate from college. And she was like, hey, we want to invite you to be a manager at the Applebee's. We want you to be one of our managers. And like, just instinctively, immediately, I was like, no, I don't want to do that. I don't want to be in the restaurant business. And there were reasons for that, right? I saw my general manager. He worked hard. insane hours, like 80 hours a week, making like$50,000 a year. And A,$50,000 a year wasn't enough money for me. It wasn't the kind of career aspirations I had. And B, I believe in work-life balance. I don't believe in this working your life away situation. So I just instinctively right away said, no, I'm not, I didn't want to do that. And it changed my relationship there a little bit with the managers. They, I could tell they were courting me, if you will, which was the whole reason behind the quick promotion from server to bartender and then bartender to potentially manager. So it Going to work wasn't quite as fun. I didn't have quite the golden boy feeling that I had before because I was treated really well. And I just enjoyed being there and I had a good time. But one of the best stories of my young life comes out of me being a bartender in Applebee's. So I was... Working at Applebee's and at this point in my life at, I believe I was about 27 at this point, maybe 28, somewhere around there, I had been shaving my head. I had started going bald in college and I was wearing just baseball caps all the time, all the time because I had a really high blood pressure. hairline on my forehead and I was losing my hair on my forehead and I was in my mid twenties and it was devastating to me and I was embarrassed by it. And I'm always wearing hats all the time and I was smart. I wore a light purple Nike hat, which really made my blue eyes pop out and it really worked for me. I would get complimented on my eyes all the time. And I knew it was this hat that was making that happen. And so I, at one point realized I can't always wear a hat, right? Everywhere I go, I can't wear a hat. And sometimes I had to take my hat off and just be like incredibly embarrassed about this balling head that I had at such a early age. And so I decided to just shave it all off. I just shaved my head. and got rid of my hair. And I was like, let's just do it. Hair grows back. Let's see how it goes. And it went overwhelmingly well. Like when I went back to college and showed my friends and college peers and stuff, and they were seeing me, this white guy with this bald head, which was incredibly unique in the late 90s, early 2000s. It went overwhelmingly well with great reception. People were, oh, you look so good. You got such a great head for that. And so it just went so great. I was like, I'm shaving my head for the rest of my life. And so that was the start of me shaving my head and I've been shaving my head ever since. But the reason I tell you that is because when I was a bartender, I Had this one night, bald head, goatee, go to this table with these four or five redneckish hillbilly type dudes. They were cool, but that's what they were. They were wearing baseball caps and they had long hair, maybe some mullets, who knows. Their hair was covered, but they all had hair. And they were just like, oh my God, dude, you're bald, right? And they were like, they were trying to shit on me because I didn't have hair. And I was yucking it up, playing along, right? A, because they're the customer. B, I needed a tip. And C, like, I wasn't sensitive about it. I knew that it was working for me. And why would I care if five dudes want to make fun? I don't care. I'm not trying to hook up with dudes. I don't like dudes. So let them think whatever they want to think. So I was telling them like straight up, no, you guys have no idea. This shit's working. Like you all have hair. Nothing makes you unique. I'm bald and this shit's working. And they just laughed at me like, yeah, like I was talking out my ass. And then I went and got them their drinks. And right as I did that, immediately next to them, these two cute, young, 21-year-old girls sit down next to them. And so... I go up to greet these girls and ask them for their drink order. And immediately within five seconds of meeting these girls, oh my God, I love your bald head. It's so sexy. This one girl doesn't even ask me. She just reaches up and starts rubbing my head. Right. And they're like both ultimately flirting with me within seconds. And they see all this that's going on. So they're flirting with me and one goes, Hey, it's my 21st birthday. We're going out dancing after this. What do I got to get you do to go out dancing with me? And her friend is, no, I want him to come with me. I don't want him to come with you. And he's, and they're like going back and forth arguing over me on who gets to take me out dancing with them, whatever. And, and it was funny. crazy because it was within right away they don't know anything about me I don't even know if they knew my name at this point maybe I had introduced myself and these guys next to the table they see all this happening right they hear it they see it and I was feeling ballsy I was feeling brave like they were both feeling me and when I felt like I had something to prove so I They were both hitting on me and I said, hey, there's enough of me to go around for both of you. And they laughed and chuckled or whatever. And I said, I'll tell you what. I said, I'll leave with you if I can leave with the both of you and be with both of you. And they just looked at each other, looked at me and laughed. And they said, all right, you go get our drinks and we'll let you know, you know. what we think when you get back. So I left and I went back and I made their drinks. And when I got back, they said, okay, we agreed. We decided we both want you. So we're just going to share you. So we actually happen to be roommates and this is our address and this is our phone number. And you come to our place when you get off work and we'll be there waiting for you. And they saw all this happening. Right. And so I took that information. I left and I went back to the other table to help the guys and say, all right, guys, I didn't even address what had just happened. I said, all right, guys, what can I get you to eat? What do you need to eat? And they just looked at me and they were like, I'm going home and I'm shaving my head tonight. And it was just insane. It was hilarious. And then it was fun. I had a good night, a good time. And then when I left work that night, I took them up on that offer. I showed up at their apartment and I had my first threesome. You heard that right. My first threesome. This is the story. That was the first time I ever had a threesome. I didn't know their names. I never saw them again. I had a threesome with them, left. And that was the end of that night. And that was the end of me ever talking to or seeing both of those girls. And so, yeah, those are some wild college stories, situations that I dealt with. But man, what a confidence booster, right? What a confidence booster to be able to just boldly say something like that to two women you don't even know at all. And just have them be like, okay, we're down. It might sound like me bragging. And I am proud of it. Don't get me wrong. But all these things are significant. They significantly change who you are, right? They change your pride in yourself. They change your belief in yourself. They change the way you see the world a little bit because you realize that maybe you can get away with some things some other people can't get away with. I ended up going on and graduating from Wright State and then I eventually would leave Applebee's because I knew that wasn't a career for me and I got my first quote-unquote career job as a salesman and I will lean into that and tell you more about that on the next episode so thanks for joining.