77. Is It Perimenopause? 100+ Symptoms and How to Advocate for Yourself, with Meghan Rabbitt

Are you in your late 30s or your 40s and wondering if your sudden mood swings, brain fog, or even itchy ears are just stress—or if they are the start of perimenopause? You’re NOT alone, and it is perfectly normal to feel confused.

In this episode of Mind Your Midlife, Cheryl is joined by veteran health journalist Meghan Rabbitt, author of the incredibly comprehensive new book, The New Rules of Women’s Health: Your Guide to Thriving at Every Age. We dive into why we need to move beyond "bikini medicine" and look at the whole picture of women's health. Meghan shares her expert research on decoding perimenopause, prepping for doctor appointments, and what your past pregnancies might reveal about your future heart health.

What You’ll Learn:

✔ The Symptom Checklist: Perimenopause encompasses over 100 different symptoms, including surprising ones

✔ How to Prep for the Doctor: Treat your doctor's appointment like a meeting with your accountant by bringing a prioritized list of your symptoms 

✔ The "Advocate" Strategy: Bringing a trusted friend or partner to your appointment is a game-changer  

✔ The Upsides of Menopause: The transition can lead to increased confidence, stepping into your own power, and caring less about the little things 

🎯 OMG Moment:

Track your symptoms. Know yourself. You'll be empowered to speak up and to get the care - and the discussions about that care - that you need.

Take Action Today:

• Read the Book: Get Meghan's book, The New Rules of Women’s Health, to educate yourself on everything from gut and brain health to menopause.
• Find Meghan Online: Follow her on Instagram @meghanrabbitt or visit thenewrulesofwomenshealth.com for ongoing advocacy tips.
• Listen to MYM episodes on brain fog, hypnosis for menopause, and hormones.

Take a little bit better care of yourself in midlife.

Grab your Vitamin G pixie sticks for detoxification and wellness at cherylpfischer.com/vitaming.

Transcript

Cheryl Fischer 0:00

Perimenopause. We've talked about menopause quite a bit on this podcast. And in the show notes, I'm gonna link some of the episodes. Truly, we have talked about it a lot and looked from different angles, but we haven't necessarily talked about perimenopause. And that can be anywhere from late 30s up into 50s. So let's talk about it. Welcome to Mind Your Midlife, your go-to resource for confidence and success, one thought at a time. Unlike most advice out there, we believe that simply telling you to believe in yourself or change your habits isn't enough to wake up excited about life or feel truly confident in your body. Each week, you'll

What Perimenopause Really Means

Cheryl Fischer 0:45

gain actionable strategies and, oh my goodness, powerful insights to stop feeling stuck and start loving your midlife. This is the Mind Your Midlife podcast. One of the things we need to do is figure out what in the world does perimenopause mean? So technically, the definition of menopause is if you have gone 12 months without having a period, on that day when you hit 12 months, that's menopause. Anything after that, you're postmenopausal. Anything before that, from the time that you start having symptoms, your body maybe starts changing hormone levels, various processes that could go on for years, is perimenopause. So as you might imagine and maybe have experienced yourself, how do you know? How do you know what's going on? How do you know if you can manage this yourself or or you need a doctor's help in some way or another? How do you know if you're not just having a bad day or a bad week or you're too stressed out? That's what we want to talk about. And my guest today, Meghan Rabbitt, is the author of the new book, The New Rules of Women's Health: Your Guide to Thriving at Every Age. Now, she has always specialized in writing about women's health and wellness, and has written for many publications, including Women's Health, Oprah Daily, Prevention, Maria Shriver's Sunday Paper, and more. And I have to tell you, if you're listening, I have never seen, and you're going to hear me say this in the episode, I have never seen a guide to women's health that is this comprehensive. It is going to walk you through every stage of life. And it's not just about menopause or pregnancy. It's about gut health and brain health and all these things. Truly amazing. And I will make sure that the link is in the show notes. And so Meghan is here with us today to talk about what she found in researching this book, focusing on this whole question of what in the world is perimenopause and what's going on with it. So welcome Meghan. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to talk about this because we're going to come at a subject that is really important that we talk about a lot, and we're going to come at it from a little bit different angle. So we're going to talk about perimenopause today. And I think in my head, the trickiest thing, or I guess one of the tricky things about perimenopause is to even know whether you're in perimenopause. When does it actually start? How do I know? Am I just being forgetful or whatever the symptom is? So how can women recognize this a little more clearly?

Meghan Rabbitt 3:51

Yeah, I think the first thing to understand, what I now understand based on all the reporting I did for my book, is that if you're feeling a little confused because you're not really sure if this is a symptom of perimenopause or something else, like join the club. You're really like, take a deep breath, you're normal. It's really confusing, right? Because there are over a hundred different symptoms that we now know actually constitute perimenopause or might constitute perimenopause. So I think that's first and foremost. Like take a deep breath. Let's all collectively sigh and say, wow, this might

Track Symptoms Like A Pro

Meghan Rabbitt 4:26

be hard to navigate, but I'm up for it. So here we go. So then, you know, really, I think what another big trend in what I heard from doctors and researchers and other clinicians taking care of women in midlife is that we really have to track everything that's going on for us. So get out your notebook, take out your notes app on your phone and really keep track of your symptoms, not just your cycle. I think when it comes to menopause and the menopause transition, a lot of us think it's our period that really matters the most. And that does matter. It's now more than ever before, perhaps. It's really important to keep track of that cycle because during perimenopause, our cycles tend to change and that can give our doctors clues. But really, symptoms, you know, everything and anything, even if you think it's not part of perimenopause, write it down and have a conversation with your doctor.

Cheryl Fischer 5:15

That's a great point because I think sometimes we get into the doctor's appointment and we're kind of trying to explain that something's a bit wrong, and then we can't remember what we meant to say, and the doctor goes, you're fine, you know. Totally, totally.

Meghan Rabbitt 5:30

You know, and I think also when we talk about it's such a great question because when we talk about these symptoms of perimenopause, it's important to just name a few. So I opened up the page of my book where I name, you know, a bunch of them in addition to the common ones, right? And so when we think about these symptoms, we're in addition to menstrual cycle changes, we're probably going to think about hot flashes and night sweats. Night sweats, interestingly enough, are just a hot flash that happens during sleep. They're no different. It's the vasomotor symptoms of menopause. Genito urinary syndrome of menopause, formerly known as vaginal atrophy. So these are changes that happen in the vaginal canal and in our vulvar tissues due to the decrease in estrogen and changes in other hormones happening. I think a lot of us understand sleep disturbances

The Surprising Symptom List

Meghan Rabbitt 6:15

are going to happen. You know, that's a common one. Same thing with mood changes. I'll speak personally as a woman solidly in perimenopause. I can feel when my moodiness, it almost feels a little hormonal. I feel ragey in a way that feels extra than normal or or a little teary, you know. So so that, and then you brought up too, brain fog, cognitive issues, really, really common. But in addition to those more, you know, uh talked-about symptoms, there are things like anxiety, depression, low or no libido. How about this one? Dry and itchy skin, like you feel like your skin is crawling, or itchy ears, thinning hair, wrinkles. And then we've got, you know, things like dry mouth, dry eyes, a burning tongue and gums, constipation, lightheadedness. So these are some of the more subtle symptoms, I think, that you might not think, could that possibly have to do with menopause? And perhaps yes.

Cheryl Fischer 7:12

All the more reason to have your book at hand, too, to be able to look at that list, right?

Meghan Rabbitt 7:16

Well, yeah. And I think that's a a great point in terms of, you know, whether it's my book or whatever source of information you go to, an understanding of what we're going through, what's potential in this life, big life change, is really important to know because if it's on your radar, then you can say, huh, maybe this is something I need to talk to my doctor about.

Cheryl Fischer 7:35

Yeah. I agree. And the funny thing about this is in my experience, meaning my own as well as people I've talked to, these things happen on such wildly different timelines. For me, I had the weird wakes uh wake up at night kind of thing, and I had a few hot flashes for a long time. But then when I was really going into actual menopause, is when all the other stuff hit and the itchy ears. I had no idea. Um that drove me truly, I'm telling you, bananas. And it is the weirdest thing, but it was driving me bananas, and I didn't even know why. I didn't know that that was a symptom. What in the world? But it that was really bad.

Meghan Rabbitt 8:22

Yeah, and I think, you know, Oprah has been really forthcoming about saying she woke up with heart palpitations. You know, that can be a symptom of the menopause transition where she was like, I'm having a heart attack. And sure enough, it was part of the menopause transition. And so, yeah, these things that can not only drive us crazy perhaps, but also be really scary and make us go to the dark place and make us think, uh-uh, what is majorly wrong with me? And I think, you know, again, maybe there is something majorly wrong, not to say that to scare people, but to say, look, if you have an intuitive feeling that like I need to see a doctor right now, who listen to that feeling, right? And if you're wondering if some of these changes that are happening to your body, to your mind, to your emotions, if you're wondering if they're part of the menopause transition, if you're if that means you're in perimenopause, you know, keep track of the symptoms. See if you can spot any trends. And then when you go to your doctor, really say, look, I want to show you a list of what I've been dealing with. My hunch is that it's perimenopause based on what I know. What do you think? And then I had a doctor tell me this, which I thought was such a good tip. Organize that list in order of priority when it comes to how much the symptom is really messing with your life, is impacting your life, is affecting your everyday activities. Because then you're really giving your doctor clues into what's really like the biggest bummer for you so that you can then focus on those issues in your appointment and a probably a short visit.

Cheryl Fischer 9:52

Yeah. Well, and I guess that maybe tells them where to go next to, ideally. Absolutely.

Meghan Rabbitt 10:00

And it can help them put puzzle pieces together, you know, and say, hmm, yeah, based on all of that you're telling me and your age and what's happening with your cycles, yeah, you're in perimenopause. Let's start treating these symptoms. And so I think that's, yeah, we really have to take ownership and uh about of our bodies. I think as women, we know that we have to be our own best advocate. But sometimes it can get a little murky in terms of, well, how do I do that? And that is one very concrete way to do it. You know, I had another doctor who I interviewed for the book tell me, you would never think to go to your accountant without your binder full of tax information and returns and bookkeeping or whatever it is you need to do your taxes. And I think that's really what we the attitude we have to take when we go to see our doctors. It's like, I'm gonna come prepared so that you can best help me.

Cheryl Fischer 10:50

You know what? That's such a great point because I had an experience with a doctor who kind of poo-pooed my symptoms and said, that doesn't sound like anything bad enough that we need to treat. Let's just wait and see. And I kind of left going, wait a minute, I don't understand. And what I had been doing was always choosing women doctors, assuming that, and I still do that, but assuming that automatically any woman doctor would totally see where I was coming from and absolutely understand. But yeah, we all experience this so differently. I don't think that was, I don't think that was valid of me to assume that. I needed to come in maybe with more information. It's a great point.

Meghan Rabbitt 11:35

Yeah, and I I also love and choose if I can female doctors. I think it there's a the way, there's a way I feel really comfortable with them. And that said, I will say that I have a male gynecologist now, and I absolutely love him because he's listening to me. We're talking proactively about hormone therapy and when it might be right for me. And and I think that is part of it. I come to him with this level of engagement and knowledge, but then he is the kind of clinician who really loves that. His eyes light up when I come to him with information, you know? And so I think it's really important for us to clue in to that. You know, if you do your homework and go to a doctor and and her eyes light up, wow, like that's probably you want on your healthcare posse, right? You know, that's someone you want on your team. And if someone looks annoyed that you're coming to her with information you read or questions about something, then, you know, if you if you can, if you have choice, it's probably time to fire that doctor and hire a new one.

Cheryl Fischer 12:37

Yeah, which is really not a hard thing to do anymore for assuming you're in a fairly urban-ish place. Hopefully, you know, as you say, hopefully people have choice. Not always. Yeah. Uh, but that's a great point. And actually, I I'm gonna segue from what you just said into let's talk about hormone therapy a little bit, because that's certainly one of the options. And I do want to kind of talk about other things as well, but that's one of the options for making this whole period of our lives more smooth and for dealing with the symptoms. However, speaking just for myself, I didn't even think about it until I was 53. And then I was like, should I should I even look into it? Like, when should I do it? And if I had been in my mid-40s and just starting to have symptoms, it just never occurred to me. So is there a point at which it's too

Preparing For Doctor Visits

Cheryl Fischer 13:35

early to talk about hormone therapy? How do we deal with that when when we're kind of just starting into this process?

Meghan Rabbitt 13:42

I think it's such a great question. And I feel like you are asking a question that so many women have. I can say that I have fielded this question because as I'm out in the world talking about this book in audiences, that is what women want to talk about the most. Menopause hormone therapy. How early is it to start or how late is it to start? And so he, I want to share what I learned in my reporting. So I interviewed a nurse practitioner, an incredible menopause specialist, Heather Quayle. And she said in her

Hormone Therapy Timing And Safety

Meghan Rabbitt 14:15

practice, what she does, and I believe a lot of physicians do this as well, a lot of healthcare clinicians, say, we're gonna treat your symptoms. And and that certainly among menopause specialists, they will tell you that can be as early as your 30s. And so if you another reason to clue into your symptoms, right? And so if you're having hot flashes or mood swings or genital urinary syndrome of menopause, you know, things are really changing. And a doctor can talk to you and say, huh, based on everything I'm seeing, it's looking like you're likely in perimenopause. Most doctors will treat your symptoms with hormone therapy if if you're a candidate. Now, I will also say it's really personalized, right? And so every doctor I talk to also says you have to have a really detailed conversation that takes into account your personal health history. You know, do you have a history of smoking? Do you have a history of blood clots that might impact your uh, you know, whether or not you can use hormone therapy? Do you have a history of cancer? You know, and again, that's not to say that if you have had breast cancer or it runs in your family that you won't be a candidate. That thinking has changed a lot. That said, you have to be really open and forthcoming with that information so you can have a conversation about whether or not treatment is right for you. I think when it comes to is it too late for me to have hormone therapy, that's a whole other issue where, you know, there is a timing hypothesis of hormone therapy. What doctors now think is that within about 10 years of you entering menopause, which let's be clear, menopause is one day in time when it's been one year since your last menstrual cycle. And so after menopause, you'll be in postmenopause your entire life. But usually most doctors are going to say, let's try to do hormone therapy within that 10 years of menopause because the benefits are gonna outweigh the risks. After that point, risks might be a little higher. Again, it's a really personalized case-by-case basis, but I think knowing that is really empowering, right? It's like for your listeners, they can say, okay, now I have this baseline knowledge. When I go into my doctor to talk about hormone therapy, at least we don't have to unpack all of that. At least I have the basics so that we can just dive right into my case, my history, whether or not it's right for me.

Cheryl Fischer 16:35

Yeah, I appreciate that. That's a very good point. And I really think for a lot of women, I mean, this is the reason you get the question I just asked all the time, but I really think for a lot of women, until we've actually hit menopause, that 12 months has happened, we don't think it would be the right time for this because aren't these menopause treatments, you know? Yes, absolutely. Such a great point.

Meghan Rabbitt 16:57

And what Dr. Quill said is like, listen, if I treat symptoms, and if we then treat your symptoms and they start getting better, even if you're in your 30s, your late 30s, and we're treating your symptoms with estrogen andor progesterone and you're getting better, you're probably in perimenopause, right? And so we're gonna keep you on the therapy. And so, yeah, I think it's really they're great questions. I think we are collectively talking more about menopause and hormone therapy. And this is a great thing, right? But because we're talking more about it, and it's not just that all women are terrified to take it, right? Which I think for years it was like, no way, I don't even want to talk about hormones. And now most of my peers are like, oh yeah, like let's let's talk about this, you know, as as potentially having way more benefits than than detriments and risks. But I think because we're talking about it more, we have more questions, you know? And and I think it really points to in an ideal world, educate yourself about the basics. There's a whole section in my book that's just on what doctors want us to know, facts about hormone therapy that they continuously debunk. And if we have those facts, then at least we have this baseline knowledge so that when we go, again, we can get into the nitty-gritty.

Cheryl Fischer 18:12

Yeah. And I appreciate that section in your book, actually. I know exactly what you're talking about because you really walked through the studies, the the misinterpretation of data, what happened around 2002-ish, wasn't it? And how we got where we are today. And that was really helpful because we all hear bits and pieces pieces of that. Yeah.

Meghan Rabbitt 18:34

Yeah. And in this day and age, it's hard to know what who to trust or what to trust, right? We are just bombarded with information and misinformation and disinformation. And so it really is incumbent upon us to do our homework, try to figure out the facts so that then we can move forward, you know?

Cheryl Fischer 18:53

Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Okay, so in addition to hormone therapy, did you learn about any other options or good ideas as far as helping us get through this sort of roller coaster perimenopause period without too much trouble?

Meghan Rabbitt 19:09

Yeah, I mean, I think really it it takes having the right doctor because that person is good. And when I say doctor, I want to be clear. This could be a nurse practitioner, it could be a doctor of osteopath, you know, it's it's not just an MD, right? Though I do think it's important that we look into the credentials of the people caring for us. And so I will say that, you know, if you're clear that you want a medical doctor or someone who's done a residency, for example, or has a specialty, like has gone through extra training to do the menopause certification, if possible, look for that, you know, to make sure for just ease, I'll just say doctor. So really it is important to have

Other Treatments Plus Unexpected Upsides

Meghan Rabbitt 19:50

a doctor you can trust because in in midlife, there are some symptoms that can come up that they're just they're they feel quite personal. They feel, you know, it has to do with our, you know, our bodies and our sexuality and a lot of the the things that we identify with that make us feel feminine and and like a woman. And so I think our doctors have heard everything, they've seen everything. We have to see someone where we feel comfortable talking about things like painful sex or zero sex drive, no libido, or dry vagina, you know, like these are really important things to to name so that we get the treatment we deserve. Yeah, you know, so I think that's really important a doctor. I think when it comes to other other ways to think about how to treat these symptoms, there are other options, for example, for hot flashes. So there are non-hormonal treatments for hot flashes. There's, you know, I yeah, two in the book I name antidepressants actually, and some other prescription medications can help treat the hot flashes, as well as cognitive behavioral therapy, has been shown to be very beneficial for particularly night sweats, you know, when you're where you're waking up in the middle of the night and can't sleep because you're hot flashes.

Cheryl Fischer 21:02

Yeah. And you know what? That one's very interesting to me because it it surprised me that cognitive behavioral therapy, which is typically with a therapist, um, and that is a specialty that they might focus on. How can that change hot flashes? It's kind of amazing, you know? Yeah.

Meghan Rabbitt 21:20

And I think what uh amazed me is that you don't need to be in this therapy forever. Like oftentimes it works in just like a six-session chunk. So I think that's really interesting as well. And I also think, too, it's important as we talk about a lot of the downsides or really difficult symptoms of menopause. I think these are very important to name, right? It helps us take it out of the shadows. It helps us be able to, you know, have coffee with a girlfriend and be able to talk about these things. Unlike my mother's generation, for example, my mom's in her 70s, and they didn't talk about their hot flashes or or anything related to this transition, right? They just kind of, you know, what About their business. And a lot of times these women suffered through symptoms because their doctors certainly weren't going to be prescribing hormone therapy. But I do think that in addition to talking about all the downsides, it's really important to talk about some of the upsides as well. So I'll I'll come clean to you that when I did my first draft of the menopause chapter, I was really proud of it. I had all the data, all these great interviews with menopause experts, and I was feeling really passionate about like, let's be real about how difficult this transition can be and help women feel seen. And my editor was like, oh Meghan, like, is there is there any, is there any light? I can't see the light, you know? And I was like, oh boy, I gotta go back to the drawing board because when I did go back and do more research at, you know, and and had more conversations with doctors about the upsides of menopause, man, it blew my mind as to how many there were. You know, in addition to the obvious no more bleeding and no more worrying about birth control, there's also this sense in which we step into our own, you know, we we don't care as much about the little things. Um we we feel more like ourselves, right? We feel more confident in a lot of ways. And I think, and more, right? And more upsides. And so I think this is where this is important to talk about too. You know, it really is.

Cheryl Fischer 23:19

I agree. And interestingly, there are potential upsides to hormone therapy as well. And I know officially it's good for the heart. You know, there's other bone density. There also, I've talked to a number of people who have said there's a link, it looks like, between cholesterol and hormone therapy, although that's not official. There's just some interesting things there. Yeah, absolutely.

Meghan Rabbitt 23:45

You know, and I think really what I try to do is just look at the available data that we have. And for sure, hormone therapy is excellent when it comes to the treatment of hot flashes. And so your listeners know this really surprised me. Hot flashes, they're not a benign condition, you know? They're actually uh a full-body inflammatory response that may impact our risk of heart disease later on. If you have severe and recurrent hot flashes, that is actually something to bring up to your doctor and potentially have a conversation about your heart health and what you need to be doing when it comes to, you know, potentially seeing a preventive cardiologist talk about that history of hot flashes. Interestingly, too, for any of your listeners who dealt with pregnancy complications, even if a pregnancy complication cleared up after you gave birth, or it has an impact potentially on your heart

Hot Flashes And Heart Health Links

Meghan Rabbitt 24:37

later on. So things like yeah, pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, these are all linked to an increased risk of heart conditions, you know, any of the conditions that fall under heart disease later on. It doesn't mean you have, you know, that is for sure gonna happen, but it does mean that if you know this, you can bring it up with your primary care physician, your gynecologist, and say, hey, I'm in my 40s, but I I want you to know this about my gynecologic health history, this about my pregnancies, a history of miscarriages. There are there are a few other aspects of your gynecologic health when you're pregnant that are actually part of your heart health future. And so I think when we know this, we can be proactive.

Cheryl Fischer 25:19

Wow, that's really interesting. Really interesting. Yeah. Yeah.

Meghan Rabbitt 25:23

As a cardiologist put it, pregnancy is the heart's first stress test. Because it's hard work to be pregnant and to make and grow a baby, right? And so if you sail through, okay, you probably passed that stress test with flying collars. If you didn't, again, that's it's common. You know, these things happen, but knowing about knowing the link can help you get care later on. So I think that's really interesting.

Cheryl Fischer 25:50

The sooner we know, the sooner we can do something if something is needed to be done. Yeah. Bingo. Yeah.

Meghan Rabbitt 25:55

But getting back to hormone therapy, certainly bone health as well. That is, there is a clear connection there. And sure enough, you have all these women in their 70s, maybe even sixties, who were denied hormone therapy during their menopause, and they they all have osteopenia or osteoporosis right now. If they weren't the rare unicorn who was lifting heavy weights back when women, when we were sweating it out in the cardio room and all the men were in the weight room. That's right. If I could go back to my younger self, I would say, Meghan, go march your way into the weight room with all the boys and stuff. Get out of the step aerobics class. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You know, or do both. You know, that's what we know now, right? It's yeah, do do both. Um, but uh, but yeah, I I'm so happy we're talking about hormone therapy more. I think we're destigmatizing it. We're educating ourselves about it so that we really can say, hey, doc, it's time. I'm in, I'm in midlife. Here's what's happening. I want to talk to you about whether or not this is right for me. And like me, I uh, you know, don't have any of the symptoms really, probably some mood stuff, but I'm not having hot flashes. I'm not having any of the other, nothing that's really impacting my life, but I'm still having a conversation proactively with my doctor about hormotherapy. And I think that's a good thing.

Cheryl Fischer 27:04

Yeah, I agree. I agree. And we've one of the questions I was gonna ask you, I think we've kind of talked about a little bit, and that is, well, what if we're end up in a situation where

What To Do If Dismissed

Cheryl Fischer 27:14

our doctor's not really listening to us or we don't think they are? So certainly an option is to go to someone else. And the Menopause Society, which I believe is menopause.org, lists doctors who are certified. So that is certainly an option. If that's not an option, do you have any other thoughts about what we maybe can do if we are in this situation where a doctor doesn't seem to be listening?

Meghan Rabbitt 27:37

Yeah, one thing I heard in my reporting is like name it. You know, you can it it's hard to do, but you could actually say, you know, if you really don't have choice and this is the doctor you need to continue seeing, you just be honest. You know, maybe instead of don't come at it from like this intense, you know, you're not listening to me, but maybe say, you know, Dr. Joe, I have to say, like, I if I feel a little disappointed because I don't feel like you're making eye contact with me. I don't, I don't actually feel like you're really listening to me. Can we start again? Can I share? Am I going too quickly? Is there something that I could be doing to help you get the information you need? And and really just narrate your experience. I think you'll learn a lot from that. I think, you know, doctors are humans too, and maybe he or she is having a really rough day. And and you just saying that might might make them go, oh, I'm sorry. Let's start over. And I think if you really, you know, and this is especially important for women of color. I think if you are feeling dismissed, if you are feeling like you're not your pain is not being treated or treated, or really even, you know, you just don't feel listened to. It's it's very real, you know, it is uh the implicit biases we have are real in this society. And I think first and foremost, you know, it's terrible that you have to go through this, but you're not going crazy. You probably really are not being listened to and are being discriminated against. And some things I found when if that's the case, is it's really important to bring an advocate with you. And I do think this is for any anybody listening, no matter what's happening, if you feel like you're being dismissed or not listened to or not believed, bring someone with you. You know, I think just having someone in the room and you can make that request, you can say, look, I'd like to bring my husband, my sister, my best friend. And then that person can actually help be an ally for you and advocate for you if you're feeling just exasperated because you're not being listened

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Meghan Rabbitt 29:36

to.

Cheryl Fischer 29:36

Do

(Cont.) What To Do If Dismissed

Cheryl Fischer 29:37

you know that is the first time anyone has recommended that in my discussions on the podcast? And I can't believe I never thought of it either. That's a fantastic piece of advice.

Meghan Rabbitt 29:46

Isn't it? I hadn't heard it either until someone who specializes in helping women of color feel seen and heard in their interactions with clinicians said that to me. And I thought, you know what? Is it wrong that, you know, yeah, it's we it's terrible that that's that we have to be in that position. But what she said is like, look, that person can not only advocate for you, but they can help add context with the doctor. So let's say the doctor is just like, okay, so you're in pain, that's common. Your best friend, let's say, is your advocate. She can say, I need to tell you, Doc, I've known this woman for 25 years and this is not normal for her. She doesn't complain like this. She doesn't, you know, this is intense. On the pain front, it because pain is very subjective, right? And if you're dealing with conditions where it's subjective or could be, another great tip I heard from someone I interviewed is compare that pain to something else that most people might understand. So you can say, look, this part of my body is cramping as badly as labor pains. Like that's what it feels like. Or um, I am in so as much pain with fill in the blank what you're dealing with now as I was when I tore my ACL skiing. And so being that specific versus like my pain is at a six out of 10 or an eight out of 10, because your 10 is very different than my 10, right? And so I thought that was a great tip as well that I hadn't heard before.

Cheryl Fischer 31:18

Ah, really, really smart because yeah, the other person that we're talking to, no matter how much expertise they have, we need to be able to explain so that they understand and they might not understand in one particular way or another. Yeah. Yeah.

Meghan Rabbitt 31:33

Yeah. And the nice part about having an advocate with you, it's someone in the room with you, is that it's someone you can talk to afterwards. Let's say you're dealing with something where it's a diagnosis, you know, it's a you're worried about a cancer diagnosis or autoimmune condition or a mental health thing that like is really t scary and hard. If you have someone with you, they can be listening to. And then you can have a conversation with your advocate afterwards to say, like, I caught this. Did you am I missing anything? What did you hear the doctor say?

Cheryl Fischer 32:02

Yeah, that's a great point. And and I'm gonna segue to your book as we talk about that, because I don't know if I've ever seen such a comprehensive walk through the health of being a woman, all different times of life, as what you've done. And so tell us a little bit more just about your book, where people can find it and where they can find you.

Meghan Rabbitt 32:25

Yeah. So this book really was such a labor of love for over three years. Maria Shriver asked me to write the book. So I work for Maria Shriver on her weekly digital news magazine, The Sunday Paper. And I was out in LA and I've been a health journalist all my career. And she said, you know, Meghan, we don't have a really good, comprehensive women's health book. We have a lot of great women's health books about women's

The New Rules Of Women’s Health

Meghan Rabbitt 32:48

brains or our sexual health and fill in the blank, right? There's so many wonderful books out there. And there's an amazing tome called Our Bodies Ourselves, which so many of us, our moms got it for us, or we, you know, we we picked it up along the way, and it's incredible. But as I talked to Maria about it, we both said, gosh, even our bodies ourselves really focuses on what we now refer to as bikini medicine. It's our breast health, our sexual health, our reproductive organs, right? And I love that phrase. Like so many doctors are now saying, yeah, like it's we have to go beyond bikini medicine. And that's what I aim to do with this book. So that's why you'll find chapters on heart health and brain health and immune health and gut health and nutrition, exercise. You know, I really try to distill what we as women need to know now to have the information we need and the language we need to be able to go to our doctors, advocate for ourselves, and take care of ourselves and our families.

Cheryl Fischer 33:43

Yeah. And I really appreciate what you've done because truly I feel like I'll be referencing it forever. You know, I what's going on with this? What's going on with that? You can find it. Yeah.

Meghan Rabbitt 33:55

Yeah, I love that. And actually, a friend is, you know, recently said it's a coffee table book because don't we want the men in our lives to pick it up as well? And I thought that was really interesting because I have given chapters to my husband, you know. For example, the breast health chapter. Usually I have my annual memo. It usually results in follow-ups and because I have very dense breasts. And so when he read that chapter, he was like, first of all, blown away. He had no idea uh, you know, all that encompasses breast health. And then he's been able to support me. He's been a much better support because he's educated too, you know. And so I I I hope that women reference this book and get a lot out of it. And also let's share it with the men in our lives, you know. Great point. I'm gonna remember that for sure. Great point.

Cheryl Fischer 34:42

Okay, well, tell us where we can find you. If somebody's listening, they're curious, they want to learn more, all of that.

Meghan Rabbitt 34:49

Yeah, you can find me on online at new the newrules of women's health.com. And then I'm on Instagram at Meghan Rabbids. And I try to do posts there where I'm, you know, a woman going through midlife and trying to do posts that are based on my reporting and also my own navigation through the healthcare system. So a recent post was five tips I wish I read before my first breast MRI. You know, and so trying to really, yeah, just just help women again advocate for ourselves and feel like we can take the reins as we roll through the complicated healthcare system. Excellent.

Cheryl Fischer 35:24

The more support we get, the better. Absolutely. Absolutely. Okay, so I think this discussion has been great. And I think that most people listen to podcasts while driving, doing the dishes, folding the laundry, whatever. And we don't have, we're not taking notes, you know, we can't remember everything, we can't pay attention to everything. So, what would you say is the one thing that somebody listening really should take away from this and remember?

Meghan Rabbitt 35:54

Just track your symptoms, track how you're feeling, right? Take a minute every day. As women, we juggle all the balls and we are the ones everybody looks to for everything from what's for dinner to where we're going on vacation to kids' camps and fill in the blank. And so it can be really hard to like actually take a beat and just climb into our own bodies and actually do a little, what's the lay of the land here? How am I really feeling? Not just like, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. That's that's it. Just climb in, ask yourself, how do I really feel? And then just jot jot it down. You know, keep a running list of what you're going through

One Takeaway And Final Call To Action

Meghan Rabbitt 36:34

because we deserve care as well.

Cheryl Fischer 36:38

I love that. And I'm gonna add to that that when you're saying how we really feel, you're you're wanting us to focus on physical symptoms and also if we could identify the emotion that we're having, and maybe you're including this as well anyway, that's really a powerful mindset practice to understand how am I feeling right now? Am I upset about something? Am I happy? Am I frustrated? You know, we we sort of lose the practice of doing that as we go through life in a rush, doing everything as well. Yeah. Absolutely.

Meghan Rabbitt 37:09

And a personal practice of mine right now is if when I when I tap into whatever I'm feeling, I try to stay close to that feeling, even if it's uncomfortable.

Cheryl Fischer 37:17

Yeah. That's really hard to do. It is hard to do, and it is good to do. And that could take us into a whole nother discussion. It's so true. Cheryl, this has been so much fun. Thank you so much. It has, Meghan. Thank you so much for joining me. Track what is going on with you. I really, really appreciate Meghan's advice. And I have to confess, I really wondered sometimes when I was in my crazy busy stages, late 30s, early 40s, I wondered, was it worth it to track things? You know, there's I had a Fitbit at the time, I could have tracked my cycles in there. I didn't know if I needed to write all that down. In the end, it sounds like what we do need to write down are the things going on with our bodies, with our mind, with our outlook, with our emotions, so that we can see whether there's a pattern and so that we can walk into a doctor's appointment and really truly find our words and be able to talk about what's going on. And that is really, really valuable and powerful advice that I so appreciate. So head to the show notes, grab Meghan's book. I know you're going to appreciate it as much as I do. And if you are listening on Apple Podcasts, will you scroll down on the Mind Your Midlife page and leave a five-star rating and a quick review? It makes such a difference because reviews tell Apple to share Mind Your Midlife with more people because the listeners are really appreciating it. And I appreciate you for doing that. And in the meantime, keep remembering midlife is your time to take just a little bit better care of yourself. Just a little bit better on the inside and on the outside. Makes a big difference.