Episode 4: Rooted & Recovered - You Can’t Heal What You Won’t Face

Have you ever stood in front of the mirror and couldn’t face what was looking back?

In this raw and real episode of Rooted & Recovered, Dan and Justin dive into Step Four of the 12-Step Program: “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” This is the step that many people want to skip—but it’s also where true healing begins.

Together, they confront the painful but powerful truth: freedom is often hiding behind the very thing you refuse to face. From their own stories of brokenness to the woman at the well in John 4, they show how Jesus doesn’t turn away from our mess—He meets us there and invites us into healing.

What You’ll Hear:

• Denial, defensiveness, and distraction will keep you stuck
• Lamentations 3:40 calls us to examine our ways and return to the Lord
• True healing begins with bold honesty: Psalm 139:23–24
• You are not guilty of what others did to you—but you can surrender the pain
• Jesus knows every secret—and still stays

Key Scriptures:
Lamentations 3:40, Psalm 139:23–24, John 4 (Woman at the Well), Revelation 3:20, 

Final Key Thought:
God can’t heal the version of you that you're pretending to be. He heals the one you're willing to bring to Him.

Your scars don’t scare Jesus—they invite Him in.

If this episode speaks to you, please share it. Someone you know is carrying what they were never meant to carry, and this might be the truth that sets them free.

Transcript

0:00

This world doesn't hand out healing. It offers quick fixes, cheap highes and empty promises, but real recovery. It takes roots. Roots that dig deep into truth, into identity, into the unshakeable grace of God. We're not here to sugarcoat the struggle. We've lived it. Addiction, shame, relapse, regret, but we've also seen resurrection. We've seen what happened. Happens when broken people get anchored in something real rooted and recovered is more than a podcast. It's a battleground for the soul. A place where scars tell stories, where scripture speaks louder than shame, where freedom isn't just a word. It's a war we win daily. So if you're tired of surface level answers, if you want truth that convicts, hope that heals, and conversations that cut through the noise, you're in the right place. Welcome to Rooted and Recovered.

Justin: 1:06

Welcome everybody to another episode of Rooted and Recovered. I'm Justin Miller, along with Dan Pyles. today. I got a question. Have you ever stood in front of the mirror and you just didn't wanna look? You ever just stood there and thought, man, I can't look in the mirror. I can't face what's on. I can't face what's in that mirror? Guys, a lot of us find ourselves there in our recovery. A lot of us find ourselves there in our life, and if we're being honest, there's times when I do that, there's times I guarantee when Dan does that. But guys, there's a truth. That we need to realize you can't heal what you won't face. Step four tells us, made searching, and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. That means looking at ourselves real, raw, and honest, and asking the question, what am I too afraid to admit even to myself?

Dan: 2:18

this step right here, step four, I'm gonna let you know right now. It's tough. This is a tough step, but Justin, this step right here, step four is where healing really starts because step four tells you that in me that we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our selves. When you talked about that mirror moment, I had a mirror moment. Eight years ago, I seen myself in the mirror after a 14 year addiction. Justin, I had that mirror moment when I seen what I thought I had control of what I thought. I was. I was in charge. I wasn't addicted, I wasn't struggling. I wasn't this, then I seen myself in the mirror and there's a, there, the, the reality is, the truth is just in that you and I can't heal what we won't face. I believe for myself a hundred percent. And maybe you can too, maybe Justin, maybe you can testify to this and maybe the listener, the listener can testify to this, that you can't heal what you won't face. It wasn't until I probably saw myself in the mirror hundreds of times, but it wasn't until that rock bottom moment that I finally saw, like really saw myself in the mirror and I was like, oh boy. This is a little bit different. The, the question that I had, and you brought up a great question, Justin. The, the question that I've got for myself and for you Justin, and even for the listener, is what if the freedom. And that's what we so desperately need. Justin, is freedom. We're looking for freedom for something from addiction, from pain, from trauma, from, from just the emotional turmoil of life. What if that freedom that you are so desperate for is hiding behind that thing that you refuse to face? Think about that for just a moment. What if the freedom that you are so desperately needing in your life right now is hiding behind that thing that you refuse to face? Because I'll tell you, this family, I tried it. I can testify to this. You will never outrun What you won't confront,

Justin: 5:15

You know when you said something earlier, Dan? This is one of the hardest steps, right, to get real, to get raw, to get honest, to look at that person in the mirror, that if I'm being honest, I didn't even like myself when I looked in that mirror. And there are still days when I lift my head and look in the mirror and I say, man, what am I looking at? But Dan, there's hope. There is help. That is why it is so important that you don't skip these steps. Look, if you're having trouble admitting something even to yourself, go back to step one and realize that you're not in this alone and that your life is unmanageable and that you need the power of God to help you and then surrender your will to him and what he does. He comes in and he fills you with his presence. The Holy Spirit is the power source of God that he places in you. When you truly surrender, not half-heartedly, but wholeheartedly, and then you can not only pick up your face and look in the mirror, you can say, that's not who I am, and I want healed from this because that's not what I wanna be anymore. That's not what I want to identify with anymore. But man, it takes us being real and saying, what in my life? It is not who I want to be anymore.

Dan: 6:33

And there's so much truth in that. There's power in self inventory. And one of the things that we try to do, Justin, is we, we protect ourselves with denial. We protect ourselves with defensiveness, and every once in a while we try to throw distraction in that. And what a deadly combination brother. Denial. Defensiveness, and distraction. We say things like, I'm fine. We say things like, that's in the past, I've moved on. But behind closed doors, we're still bleeding Justin, but behind closed doors will, we're still hurting, but we look at people in church and I'm fine. We look at people at work and we tell everybody, I'm fine. We look at past traumas and we try to convince ourselves and we, we fail at it just miserably. Justin, we fail at it. We try to tell ourselves that's in the past, I'm moving on, but behind closed doors still hurting. Some of us are still crying ourselves to sleep from past traumas and pains. But I love what the Bible tells us, Justin, in the Book of Lamentations, and I love this book just completely. There's one of my favorite scriptures of all time here. I'm not gonna say it today, that's for another episode. But one of my favorite scriptures of all time is in the Book of Lamentations. What I love about Lamentations is Jeremiah the prophet wrote this and he's lamenting. Because the, the kingdom of Israel and Judah have fallen, bro, they have been taken captive and God warned them through the prophets for years and years and years, but they just didn't listen. Now Israel is in their rock bottom moment and the prophet Jeremiah. Writes a powerful scripture in Lamentations 3:40 says, let us examine our ways and test them and let us return to the Lord. Now I wanna talk about that scripture for just a moment. It says, let us examine, and that's what step four is, bro. We're examining ourselves. We are taking a real self inventory of ourselves. We are examining ourselves and testing them. What are those things in my life that I'm hiding? What are those things in my life that I'm, that I'm showing people? The good side of me, my church face, my work face. My happy face, but inside I'm crying. I'm hurting, and I love this part. And let us return them to the Lord. Not to drugs. Not to alcohol. That's not what Jeremiah said. Let, let's take an inventory of ourself and, and let's return back to dope as a comfort. Return back to alcohol as a comfort. Turn back to whatever type of addiction that you have. He says, let us return these things that we've examined to the Lord. Why family? Because that's the only place our help is gonna come from. Justin. It's from the Lord. That's what David said. He said, my help comes from the Lord family. That's where your help is gonna come from, from the Lord. And as good as all these programs are, as good as all these steps are, as good as all, our clinicians and, and everything that you and I have, all the available resources that you and I have. As good as they are, they are people, Justin, they are things and they are going to fail us, but God will never fail us. will never fail us. And that's what Jeremiah's saying here. He's let, he's examining everything that Israel did wrong. And there was a lot, Justin read the Old Testament. You read First and Second Kings, and then you get into the Chronicles and you will see how after David and Solomon, how just after generation, after generation, these kings get further and further and further away from God to where God eventually has to take his hand off of them and they're crashing and burning. And Jeremiah's sitting here and he's lamenting and he's looking at these things and he's examining them and he's testing them. And one of the most important things that he does is he returns these things back to the Lord.

Justin: 11:34

You know something about that Dan Israel at this time in Judah, that he's lamenting over, they were being taken captive. But the thing that was the people that were taking them captive. We're the very same people that they let come in and trade with them when God said not to. So my question is to the listener, what are you allowing in your life? What are you trading with the world that God says not to, because that's what's gonna take you captive. That's why it takes wholeheartedness. What are you flirting with? You can't walk with the Lord and dance with the devil on the side and think that you're going to get to where you need to be. So when it says examine. Your ways. It doesn't say examine their ways. God knows that's wrong. You should know it's wrong. If you're sitting here and you're wondering why you're still struggling with your anger, what are you flirting with in the world that invites anger in? If you're sitting here and you're still wondering why you're having financial problems, what are you playing with in the world that you keep spending your money on that you know you shouldn't? Because that's what's holding you captive. Is it the social media? You wonder why you don't have a good marriage, that you sit on your sofa and you watch Facebook for three hours. I know I've done it. I've caught myself doing it time and time again, but what does it say? Examine your ways, test them, and return to the Lord. That's the beauty of it. God is saying, return to me. Don't wait in the wilderness. Just come like we talked about last week.

Dan: 13:08

And that's the key thing, Justin, that that's the key right there. That is right here will save you years and years and years of heartache and struggle. Family that I went through that so many of us have went through is giving it back to God, the only one that can take the weight. The only one that can take the pain that are suffering, who wants to? Justin? Who wants to? The Bible tells us to cast all our cares. Some version say in anxieties, says to cast all your cares onto the Lord because he cares for you. I don't know too many people unless there's money attached to it that want to hear about your problems. Care enough about you to actually let you drop a bunch of heavy weight on them. But Jesus loves you and I so much listener that he will take your pain. He will take that thing that you're hiding, and, and tucking at in the back of the closet and you've been telling everybody you're fine, you're not. Stop lying and let's be real with ourselves. I'm talking to that person that's been going to church and saying, that's in the past I've moved on, Jesus loves you so much that he's willing to take all that hurt, all that past, all that trauma, all that weight. Take it off you. And here's the thing, Justin, if you leave it, you don't have to come back with it.

Justin: 14:50

It's like a bandaid. We have coping mechanisms in our lives that we grew up with, and that's just changed over time. But we like to put that bandaid on it. We like to just keep slapping a bandaid on it and then we'll slap another one and then we'll slap another one and then we'll slap another one. And what happens is that wound that was meant to heal, because let me tell you, time does not heal all wounds, what does cleaning that wound, because if not, it'll fester and it'll start to infect every other area of your life. Sometimes the problem you have isn't your real problem. It's something else that you just don't want to admit. If you open up and let Jesus in and you expose it to the light, my mom used to tell me every night she'd put a bandaid on me.'cause I'd fall down a lot. I was a little fat kid who tripped over his own feet. So when I went down, I went down hard and every time my mom would put a bandaid on it, she'd put Neosporin on it, and then when I'd go to bed, she'd say, okay, take that bandaid off so we can let it air out. So what are you not willing to let air out? Because Jesus Christ, if you expose it to the light, there is a healing that cannot be found anywhere else. Psalm 139:23-24, this is, it's a dangerous prayer. I'm just gonna be honest with you guys. This is why you need the Holy Spirit. This is why you have to have the help of God. Search me, oh God, test my thoughts, know my heart, and point out the things in me that offend you. Are you willing to look at God and say, search me, because guess what? God already knows you. So when you ask him to search you, it's not him searching you. The part comes when it says. Point out the things in me that offend you and place me back on the path of righteousness. So many of us want to come to God with this baggage, but we don't want to set it down. We wanna say, God, that that backpack's mine, that, that you, you can't handle that. Who are you to think God can't handle it? And who are you to think that God doesn't already know? It takes us coming to that moment of real, raw, honest that I can't, like we said in the very beginning, when I can't, God can

Dan: 17:14

so good. You sitting there talking about that cut and I was thinking, when I was a kid, we'd sit there and, Justin just fly up and down the, the road on our bikes and every once in a while, man, you didn't check your shoestrings and they'd get tied up in the pedals and the next thing you know, you are just toppling. And having road rash and cuts and, and bruises and scrapes and all that stuff. And you'd walk in that house and before they put the bandaid on it, man, my mom would get that old antiseptic spray. Spread all over you, because mom's, my mom was like but we gotta clean it first before we can put a bandaid on it. We gotta clean it. And Justin, man, that part stung so bad. It was so uncomfortable. But Justin, like you said, if you didn't clean it and we left it, it spreads, it would become infected. And then what would turn into what was a little scrape. Now you're dealing with something even more major. Think about this. This is why David said this prayer. Search me God, know my heart. See if there's any offense in me. That's what the NIV says. See if there's any offense in me. Why? Because if we don't remove that, what's it do? Justin? It's gonna infect and it's gonna spread. Are we willing to allow God to do that in our lives? That's why I told you at the very beginning of this podcast, this is a tough step. This is where a lot of people get hung up. We got, we have no problem saying that, God, I, I'm powerless. We got no problem realizing that there's something bigger than us. We don't have a problem with saying, God, not my will, but your will. But now God's saying, okay, here's some things that we need to clean out of you before it causes something even deeper. That's where things start to get rough, but God, Justin, God doesn't search you to shame you. He searches you so you could be set free. Think about that for just a moment. Family, God already knows. That's the thing he already knows. So when we make this prayer, God search me, know my heart. He's not doing it to shame you because God's gonna do what you're gonna ask him to do. He's going to expose things in your life. That could be stumbling blocks. He's gonna expose people in your life. Come on now. He might start exposing people in your life that could be a stumbling block for you. Are you bold enough to step into what you're praying? Because it is a bold prayer? It is a dangerous prayer, but this is where real change happens. Are you willing? To allow God to search you, to expose those things, those people that could be an infection in your heart, in your life, that's gotta get cleaned out. He's not doing it to shame you family. He's doing it to set you free. John chapter four. I encourage you to go read that John chapter four. You'll read about this woman at this well, but. Just to break it down for you. the Bible tells us she came to this at noon. She was alone because of her past. I'm sure she was ashamed. I'm sure she was coming at a hot at the hottest time at noon. Come on, bro. In the desert. I'm sure she was trying to avoid people. Jesus met her in a place of isolation, and that was what was so powerful because see, the disciples didn't want to go to Samaria. They sat and complained the whole time. So Jesus sent them off to go do busy work. Jesus knew exactly what he was doing. and this woman comes here that's busted. Broken, just baggage bound woman. Justin comes in alone, ashamed, trying to avoid, the, the eyes of people and Jesus and all his love and his compassion meets her in that place of isolation, and he didn't expose her her sins to embarrass her. He exposed her to offer living water, and that's what was so, that was what was so powerful. Jesus didn't avoid her story, Justin. He stepped right into it. And he said, I know all of it, and I'm still here. Family. He knows everything about you. The worst parts of you, those parts that you don't ever want to let in. You know what I'm talking about? Those parts of our lives, Justin, that are tucked deep in the closet that only very few people know. I'm telling you right now, Jesus. Knows all of it. And Jesus is saying today that I'm

Justin: 22:57

still here. I love that'cause that that's the question for the listener today and even myself. What part of my life is Jesus sitting there waiting for me to meet him at? And we talk about that, and one of my favorite parts of that scripture is she has this talk with Jesus. She has this encounter and he tells her. What she did. You're right, you don't just have five husbands. You don't just, you're not married. You have five husbands and you're not even married to the guy you're living with. And then she says, surely this man is a Christ. Why? Because he knew her. He knew the parts of her that nobody else knew, and then the pot, she went there for water with shame. Jesus filled her with that living water and the pot she came with. She left at the well, and she went and ran and told others about Jesus Christ and who he was and the Messiah. And that is what Jesus wants us to do. He wants us to bring that broken pot that don't hold the right kind water, and he wants us to get filled with him. The living water the Bible tells us what is the greatest commandment. To love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your strength, all your soul. You know what I think we fail to realize that word all means all. He doesn't just want the part of you that you show, the world that you smile and show the church on Sunday mornings. He wants the part of you that goes home and cries until your pillow at night because you can't get it right. He wants the part of you that you don't want anybody else to see. He wants that part of your heart that's been stomped on 50 million times and you feel like you just. Can't let anybody in because guess what? He can't come in. Revelations 3:20 behold, I stand at the door at Knock, Meaning, if you just let him in, he can change. But in order to let him in, you gotta come to that door and that door is that problem that you're not willing to face? Is he knocking on your heart today and saying, let me come in. Let me change you. Answer it, get real, get raw, get honest. It's gonna hurt. One of the hardest things for me, Dan, when I was in my recovery and this, so my recovery, I, I was already clean from drugs and alcohol. My recovery was over life. And I said that in the beginning. It's, it's a, it's a lifetime of bad decisions and the consequences afterwards. And I was sitting there and I was working my inventory and I thought about my son. I love my son to death, but if I'm being real, I was angry at my son for what his mom did with him to me. She would use him as a tool to get what she wanted out of me. And it hurt, but I had to get real with myself and say, I'm upset over this God, and it needs healed. And when it did. It changed. Now that doesn't mean the relationship just sprouted and bloomed and all these great things happened, but that resentment, I was open, my heart towards him changed. And here's the thing about it, guys. God doesn't want to change the other person in your life. He wants to change you. He's not trying to change everyone around you. He wants to change you in the middle of your circumstances. But we gotta be willing to get real, get raw, and get honest and say, Lord, I need change.

Dan: 26:30

So good Justin. And that's the thing, God doesn't walk away when he sees the real you. Amen. God doesn't walk away when he sees the real me. He leans in and just like he did with that woman you see the, the truth didn't shame her guys. It set her free. The truth shall set you free. That's what the Bible says. It set her free and that same truth, that set that woman free is standing in front of you right now. That

Justin: 27:06

same truth, The Bible says if you want to be forgiven, confess your sins to God. Confess your trespasses to one another and pray for one another. So that you may be healed. If you want healed, it's gonna take you getting real. It's gonna take you getting raw. It's gonna take you getting honest. And that truth that Dan talked about, you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free, not, might not, maybe shall. That's an all-encompassing word, meaning will and continue on even after.

Dan: 27:45

And that truth is standing. Here today, that truth is sitting in front of us today. That truth family is in this podcast, not me or Justin, but I'm talking about the Holy Spirit. I'm talking about Jesus. You don't have to have everything fixed right now, family. You're not gonna have everything fixed. But in this step, as we get ready to wrap this podcast up. You got to be honest because family, that's where healing begins. You seeing God as good as he is, as great as he is, God can't heal the version of you you're pretending to be. He heals the one Justin you're willing to bring to him. I want you to think about that for just a moment. Family.'cause I've been there. I brought the fake side of me to Jesus. I brought the I'm okay and I'm not okay side to Jesus. I brought the I'm fine and I wasn't fine side of me to Jesus. I brought the, it's in the past. Side of me, and it wasn't in the past side of Jesus, but it's in this step. Justin, as we get ready to wrap this thing up, this is in this step where you gotta get real with yourself. You gotta be honest with yourself. You gotta be open with yourself and stop giving God the version of you that you are pretending to be.'cause he can only heal what you're willing to bring to him. And in this inventory this step, are you willing to give him it all? Are you willing to allow God into your heart and into your life? And make that bold prayer, Justin, search me God, examine my ways. Are you willing to do that today, Justin, as we get ready to wrap this podcast up, brother, is there anything that you want to share with our family as we get ready to close for this week?

Justin: 29:59

Once again, guys, I wanna say thank you for listening. Thank you for letting us into your hearts. Like Dan said, there's a truth here with us, and it's not us. It's the Holy Spirit. And guys, if you're struggling to take that next step to get real, to get raw, to get honest, go back to step one. Understand that when you can't, God can. And guys, if you need help, if you need somebody to talk to, reach out. Every week we ask for support and you guys get it. We don't want your money. We're just asking for prayer. But guys. Let us know how we can support you, because this is not just about me and Dan. This is not just about rooted and recovered. It is about the family of Christ. It is about the forever family that we become a part of when we get real with ourselves and surrender our lives to God, guys, let your prayer request be made known. We are here for you because we are here for each other man, like and subscribe to the page. Share it with others. Help us get this message out and man, give it to God.

Dan: 31:23

Amen, let me give you a final key thought. Family. That woman she didn't leave ashamed. She left revived. See, she came with all kinds of secrets. In one encounter with Jesus family, she left with a testimony. She came to avoid people, and she left running, telling everyone, brother. And if Jesus could meet her in her shame and her lowest, he'll meet you in yours. So you gotta stop hiding behind your pain that you were never meant to carry family. Today's the day, we gotta face it, we gotta speak it. And more importantly, we gotta surrender it because your scars don't scare Jesus. They don't scare him. What they do is they invite him in and what he did for her, he'll do for you today. If you will allow him. Like Justin said, he's knocking. Let him in. Open the door and let Jesus in today. Guys, we thank you so very much. You are loved, you are seen, you are not your past. So until next time, families stay rooted, stay recovered, and let's get to work.

32:51

You are not just surviving. You are becoming, becoming rooted in truth, becoming recovered by grace, and becoming the person God always knew you could be. Thanks for joining us on Rooted in Recovered. If this episode stirred something in you, don't keep it to yourself. Share it, live it, let it take root. We'll see you next time right here where scars become testimonies and hope rises from the ashes.