Episode 5: Rooted & Recovered -Say It Before It Owns You

What if the freedom you’re desperate for is hiding behind the secret you refuse to face?

In this vulnerable and powerful episode of Rooted & Recovered, Dan and Justin open the door on Step Five: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

This is the step that makes many pause—but it’s also the step where real healing begins. Silence doesn’t protect you—it imprisons you. Dan and Justin walk through the biblical power of confession, the lies shame wants you to believe, and the breakthrough that comes when you speak the truth and finally breathe again.

Key Highlights:

• What you won’t confess will keep speaking for you
• James 5:16 doesn’t say “confess to be forgiven”—it says “confess to be healed”
• Confession isn’t about being disqualified—it’s how you get in the fight
• Real healing happens when you tell the worst part of your story and someone stays
• Your story, spoken out loud, becomes someone else’s confirmation that freedom is possible

Scriptures Covered:
James 5:16 • Psalm 51 • Revelation 12:11 • Romans 3:23 • 2 Samuel 12 • John 4 (Woman at the Well) • Psalm 139:23–24 • Mark 3:1–6

Final Truth:
God can’t heal the version of you that you’re pretending to be. But the moment you get real, the moment you open your heart and speak the truth—you make room for grace to enter and for shame to finally leave.

Transcript

0:00

This world doesn't hand out healing. It offers quick fixes, cheap highes and empty promises, but real recovery. It takes roots. Roots that dig deep into truth, into identity, into the unshakeable grace of God. We're not here to sugarcoat the struggle. We've lived it. Addiction, shame, relapse, regret, but we've also seen resurrection. We've seen what happened. Happens when broken people get anchored in something real rooted and recovered is more than a podcast. It's a battleground for the soul. A place where scars tell stories, where scripture speaks louder than shame, where freedom isn't just a word. It's a war we win daily. So if you're tired of surface level answers, if you want truth that convicts, hope that heals, and conversations that cut through the noise, you're in the right place. Welcome to Rooted and Recovered.

Dan: 1:08

Welcome to another episode of Rooted and Recovered. I am your host, Dan Pyles, and I am in the studio on this, Justin, kind of a rainy day today, man. It, we have gotten so much rain in the last week or so. Um, I'm ready for the sun to shine, but how are you doing today,

Justin: 1:28

brother? Oh, I'm doing good. Rainy days like this, it's a reminder though, that without rain there is no growth. And sometimes it takes that storm to get us to grow, but. I'm ready for a clear day too. I gotta get my grass cut, man.

Dan: 1:42

Dude, we tried to mow the other day and uh, actually my son was mowing and I seen that the storm was coming in, so I went out there and helped him weed eat. And I'm telling you, the moment we put the mower up in the garage, like it came pouring down. So, um, we was able to get that, uh, done. But guys, we got a powerful episode today and, uh. The title of this episode is Say It Before It Owns You. And when we look at step five, Justin, it tells us that we've admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs. So I wanna open this podcast today with just a really blunt statement, and that is what you hide will own you. Now think about that for just a moment, and let's be honest, there's things that you've done that you swore that you would never speak out loud Again, things that make your stomach drop when you think about'em. But family, here's the truth, no one told you. Silence protects you. Think about that for just a moment. Here is the truth. No one told you silence doesn't protect you. In fact, you know what it does? It imprisons you. Silence will imprison you. So the stuff that you refuse to confess. Guess what? It doesn't die. What it does is it grows in the dark and it doesn't just grow Justin. It takes root. It begins to shape how you see others, how you see yourself, and it will make you believe that you will never be more than your mistakes, but confession. Listen to me guys. Confession. It's not punishment, it's jailbreak. And step five guys is that moment you finally stop carrying the weight of your secrets and say, this is who I was, but it's not who I am anymore.

Justin: 3:55

You know, I don't think we understand or realize. Like you said, the power that secrecy has over us, right? When we hold onto these things and we're scared to let'em out, what we're doing is we're giving the enemy an avenue to say, ah, they like you, but would they like you if they know about this? Right? Oh, hey Justin, remember what you did? You still ain't told nobody about that. You think they'd still love you the same if they knew about that? Do you think you'd still be able to do what God wanted you to do if you got real and raw and honest about that? And my sponsor, he, we've all seen the, hopefully you've all seen the movie Eight Mile. If you haven't, I would recommend it. I would probably watch the version without as much cussing in it. Right. Um, but at the end of it, there's a scene with, uh, Eminem. Their other guy, Papa Doc, and they're going at it and it's Eminem and he says, Hey, let me go first. And he stands there and his entire freestyle rap is all the things about him that are wrong. Right. He stands there and he tells him, yeah. I have a friend who shot himself in the leg. Yeah, I was raised in a trailer park. Yeah, this happened. Yeah, that happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he looks at him. He hands him the microphone and says, now tell'em something about me they don't know. And that's what confession is. It's so that when the enemy comes knocking and says, Hey, remember that thing you did, what if they knew about that? You can say they already do. And too often confession, it's kind of a, it's kind of a dirty word, right? You know, oh, it's gotta be something really wrong if they're confessing. It's not just about drugs and alcohol. It's not just about confessing things that you've done. What about the attitude of heart that you felt? What about that anger and resentment you felt towards your mom or your dad when you was little? That's what confession's about. It's admitting like, Hey, this was a part of who I was, but my Bible says that I am a new creation in Christ.

Dan: 6:07

Right? Amen.

Justin: 6:08

And I'm letting that go and to let it go. It starts with you first identifying it. Then getting it out.

Dan: 6:16

And that's the thing, Justin, you know, something that I was always told from my mentor early in my recovery, it's something that I, um, I try to tell everybody now, is what you refuse to speak will keep speaking for you.

Justin: 6:29

Mm-hmm.

Dan: 6:30

Now let that sink in for just a moment, what you refuse to speak. We'll keep speaking for you until you finally break the silence. And guys, that's where healing comes. Healing comes after honesty. That's the power of confession. And when I think about this, I, I can't help but go to the book of James. James, chapter 5:16 tells us, therefore, confess your sins. To each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. Now, I wanna hit on something on this real quick, fam, James five 16 doesn't say confess to be forgiven. It says, confess to be healed. And that's a big difference. Family. You gotta realize something. You've already been forgiven by the blood of Jesus. Amen. But some of us are still bleeding, Justin, because we've never told the truth. Why? Because shame says if they know they'll leave. Shame says if they know the real me, they won't want to talk to me. Shame says if they know the real person, the real Dan the real Justin. They won't want nothing to do with me, but healing says. I'll speak and I'll finally breathe. Guys, you're not confessing to be condemned. You're confessing to kill the lie that you have to fake it to be loved and get this when you speak the truth, you don't just defeat shame family. You create a space for God to move through you, not just in you.

Justin: 8:23

It also what it does, it forms a new connection. Now, I'm sure you're gonna talk about this, but who we confess to is equally as important. Oh,

Dan: 8:33

yeah. Oh yeah. Who, who

Justin: 8:34

we confess to is equally as important as the confession itself. I'm not just running out and telling my postman what I did when I was 13 and the attitude I had and the bad things that I've done, but I will tell it to a brother or sister in Christ. I will sit there and open up with somebody I. Who I can trust. But here's the thing about it. When I do that, not only does it bring healing into my life, it now creates a space for God to move in my life and in theirs, because now I'm inviting them in. The Bible says, bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. Amen. And when I open up and get honest, I'm giving them space to be used by God to help bear my burdens, but I'm also giving them a space. To get real, to get raw, to get honest with me to where they can get off of their chest, what they need to get off of their chest. we always think about it and it is for us, but it's that being vulnerable with each other, that real bonds are created where real brotherhood

Dan: 9:37

is born. And that's Justin. That's the thing right there, guys. Our confession. Becomes someone else's confirmation. That healing and freedom is possible. So many times, Justin, we. Recover from some area of our life, from some aspect of our life, and we are so ashamed and stigma is attached to us so much that we are scared to death to talk about this. Because again, like I said just a few moments ago, if people know the real me, then they won't want to be around me. They won't want to, they won't want to talk to me. Guys we're talking about if people know the real me, they might not want me as their pastor. Come on now. Mm-hmm. If, if the job knows the real me, then they might not want me working for them anymore. If my spouse, if my girlfriend or boyfriend knew the real me. They might not want to be with me anymore. So what do we do? We closet that stuff. We put that stuff up, and it just It continues to grow it. And we talked about this in the last episode. It continues to fester and we never can properly heal because we are still carrying around. Titles that the blood of Jesus is already covered. Guys, again, when we're confessing Justin, I'm not confessing to be, um, forgiven. The moment I gave my heart and my life to Jesus Christ, the blood when he said it is finished on that cross, it covered my past and future mistakes. But what I'm confessing, what I'm doing is I'm letting someone else know that recovery. Is possible. Mm-hmm.

Justin: 11:30

And so one of my favorite verses in the Bible, they overcame by the word of their testimony in the blood of the lamb

Dan: 11:41

revelations.

Justin: 11:43

In order to have a testimony, you had to be tested. Right. That testimony is who you were, what you've done, and the blood of Jesus, and the sacrifice that made you whole and has gotten you through those times when nothing else could. It has changed. One of my things that I've noticed most is, and I thank God for every day, and I'm grateful, is the change that he is in me that I couldn't make into myself. And we talked about that before, but it's also the people that he's brought into my life because when I sat in a room. And I sat in my small group with those five people and we did our deep dive into the step study. I sat there and I said things that I had never admitted to another person in my life, and you would think that these people would go, ah, I, I can't have nothing to do with them. I have brothers in Christ that I now call on and check up on and I can reach out to for anything, and they'll be right there because Satan likes to tell us that it's gonna drive everybody away.

Dan: 12:46

Absolutely.

Justin: 12:46

The word of God says it's gonna bring us together. Love covers a multitude of sins, and that's the love. It's talking about my church. I don't, I would do a disservice if I got up there and acted like my past was perfect. I'm a human being who's made mistakes. We are human beings, and whether you have been saved since you were five, or you're just saved last week, you're a human being who made mistakes, who needed a savior. We've all sinned and fall short of the glory of God and what confession does, it's us admitting that and just being honest with God, with someone else and with ourselves. And I like what it says, the exact natures of our wrong. Too many times when we go to confess, we wanna say, oh, I did something bad. Yeah, so did I. So did everybody else. The Bible says there's no temptation that has overtaken you, that hasn't overtaken anybody else in this world. What is it exactly that you're still holding onto and you're still hiding? That's what God wants to heal you from. Talk about it, confess it, get it out, because there is a healing that can only be found when it's done through Christ.

Dan: 13:58

Amen. And that's the thing, family, you don't confess to get disqualified. You confess to finally get in the fight because there's people out there that are waiting and needing your testimony. There is so many people, Justin, that are dying in silence. Because they're scared to death to talk about it. They're scared to death to bring up their past. But you said something so powerful, Paul said in the book of Romans, for all have sinned. And the last time I looked at the word all Justin, that means all. Amen. That means. Everybody. I know people get super spiritual and they think the bath water parts, when they get in it and you know that they can turn their water at supper into wine. But you know what, they're human beings too and their past mistakes might not have been your mistakes, but family, listen to me, they're sitting with some stuff in their closet too, uh, that they don't want exposed. So I, come against that lie from the enemy. Um, that tells you that your, uh, your shame and the stigma attached to your confession is gonna disqualify you. No, sir. No ma'am. Your confession is going to get you into the fight. But Justin, the problem is, is confession brings so much fear because most of us, if we're honest with ourself, have only ever known conditional

Justin: 15:30

love. So, and I just talked about this last Friday, and I just wanna say this to somebody listening today. Humans love you when you're at your best and turn their back on you when you're at your worst. They can love you so much one day, and within the next five minutes you might say something that has them just, eh, don't know how they feel about you, but God, God is love. I'm gonna tell you right now in this very moment, wherever you are, wherever you are sitting, whatever, whatever state of mind you find yourself in, that you have never been more loved than you are right now.

Dan: 16:13

Amen.

Justin: 16:13

He, he cannot, and I cannot express this enough, he cannot love you anymore than he does right now. And the thing about God is he will not love you any less. Like you said, it brings fear, but one verse that gives me hope, it says, but God demonstrates his great love for us. Meaning that love that was shown on the cross is still being shown today. It's still in us. It's still showing itself, and the fact that you're alive and breathing, and if you have breath in your lungs, why not use it to praise God? Why not use it to give glory to God? And do you know what confession is? It's giving glory to God and saying, I know I've my sinner, but I have a savior who knows me fully and still died on a cross. So who are you to judge me for it? Because he says I'm forgiven.

Dan: 17:01

Amen. And that's the thing right there, you know? And going back to conditional love, you know, so Justin to lie that the enemy just pound into our head, even society, they, that if we tell the truth. The people's gonna walk out on us. But family real healing happens when you tell someone the worst part of your story and they stay. Now, Justin said this just a few moments ago. You gotta be careful who you tell your story to because you know, we live in a society full of megaphones. That just love to take your story and go out there and broadcast it. And they love to add a lot of action words, a lot of adverbs and, and all. Then I'm not trying to give us an English lesson, but they'll take something you've said and by the time that they're done with it, they've added more adverbs and actions and, and nouns and pronouns and all this stuff in there. Don't. Tell your story to those types of clowns, Justin. Find somebody that is rooted in Christ that will look you dead in the face and say, man, yeah, that's tough. But man, thank God his grace and his mercies are new every single morning. See Justin, that moment changes everything. Why? Because when you experience grace. In the presence of your deepest truth, you finally understand what the gospel truly is because Jesus bro, like you said, while we were still sinners,

Justin: 18:32

It didn't say while we were done sinning,

Dan: 18:34

while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. This is where recovery shifts family from behavior management. To soul transformation. It's where your story stops being a source of shame and becomes a weapon against it.

Justin: 18:57

And I like what you said, it's a weapon against it, like I talked about earlier. Now when Satan comes knocking, you can say, I've already said it. And the people you said, who would leave haven't Jesus the holiest, one of all, you think about the woman. When everybody was ready to stone her. One of my favorite parts is she looks at him and he just goes, are, there's no one here to condemn you? Then neither do I. Here's the thing, if you get real, if you get raw, if you get honest with Jesus, he's gonna get real. He's gonna get raw, and he's gonna get honest with you. I'm not gonna tell you that he's not gonna make, you're not gonna pay consequences for what you've done. Make no mistake about it. You are forgiven. You are healed, but you still have to. That's what I tell everybody. My recovery is from a lifetime of bad decisions and the consequences I face. Amen. Now, but spiritually. I can sleep at night for so long before I tried to try and think of how I could keep up the lie. What does this person know about me? What does that person know about me? Did they figure this out? Do I need to worry about it? They're gonna ask me about it. But when I just started confessing and getting real, and getting raw and getting honest, I was able to lay my head on a pillow at night and not have to worry about what was said. Because what was said was the truth. Because, let me tell you something, when we hold onto it. It eats away at us. It

Dan: 20:19

sure does, man.

Justin: 20:20

Spiritually, it's like you just got a choke hold on your own soul. And that's what Satan wants because he has no part in it. He's watching you do it to yourself. Mm-hmm. When you refuse to confess, and we're gonna look at a scripture with David, he thought he could get away with it for over a year. He hid his best friend. He, he lusted after a woman. He manipulated his best friend. He hid the truth. There was murder involved. Now guys, thi this was a man after God's own heart. This was a man who God sent to be king, and he even says, it's destroying me inside. But when he was presented with the opportunity to confess, what did he do? Dan?

Dan: 21:12

And I love this story, Justin, because. like you said, David did everything wrong. When you look and I encourage you, I mean, there's a lot of scripture, so I encourage you to go to, second Samuel, chapter 12. and just read that. You'll read David did everything wrong. Justin. There was lust, there was manipulation, there was murder, and he thought he could move on without ever facing it, but here's what God will do. God sent the prophet Nathan not to destroy him, but to deliver him. And God will do that to you too. God will send people in your life not, not to destroy you, but to help deliver you. And as you read these scriptures, Nathan didn't shout. He told a story and, and that story reached into David's soul. And then when boldness. Nathan looked David in the eyes and said, you are the man. And at that moment, David didn't deny. He didn't justify, he didn't try to deflect like we try to do when somebody, um, tries to come at us. He said, I have sinned against the Lord. And that confession, Justin didn't just change David, it saved him. And that's where Psalms 51 was born created me. A clean heart, oh God, and renew the right spirit within me. Family confession is the catalyst. Everything else flows from there, you see?'cause David stayed King family, not because he was perfect, but Justin, it was because he was willing to be honest.

Justin: 23:04

And once again, and we can't stress this enough. Look at who he confessed to. It was before God, and it was before Nathan. It was a man that David trusted. That's why when you get to this step, we always, if you're in a 12 step group, it's encouraged to have accountability partners, but also have a sponsor. Have somebody that you trust that's been walking with the Lord. Have somebody who's a mentor to you who can look at you and gently remind you, Hey, you're not where you need to be. Because there's people in my life, I've got accountability partners that when I just need to get something off of my chest, I can go and they'll say, oh, okay, that's cool. And then I've got that man in my life, that buddy of mine, that brother in Christ of mine, that when I sit down with him and I say Everything's fine, he's looking at me and saying, is that your generic go-to answer? Are you gonna get real with me right now? Because we both know it's not. And there's something about that because in that moment I understand, like you might think, well, that's kind of rough. No, it's because he cares about me. It's because he cares about my soul. We need to make sure that we are putting people in our lives, and we're gonna talk about this later with sponsor, but we need to make sure,'cause that's what Nathan was to me. But you need to make sure you have people in your life that you can trust to tell these things to.'cause like Dan says, there's three ways to tell people, telephone, television, and tell the wrong friend.

Dan: 24:33

Well, you ain't kidding, man. And that's the thing, again, with Nathan, he was godly, he was a prophet family, so this was a godly person. So I'm encourage you. As you get into this part of your recovery journey and you getting into that to where you're we're starting to confessing the wrongs that we did, be careful. Don't just find an average Joe on the street. I gotta do step five. Lemme talk to you for a moment.'cause you might be talking to a megaphone. You might be talking to somebody that's gonna blow it outta proportion. Find you a godly person that you can tell your story to, and they don't run away. They don't flinch, they stay. And then you get to feel what grace was like when Jesus. Knowing all of our sins, knowing everything that we'd done, loved us enough, still, Justin, that he died on the cross for us,

Justin: 25:37

Create me a clean heart. Oh God, renew a right spirit within me. That is what confession is saying. God, there's stuff wrong brother. Sister, there's stuff wrong. And look, you might be thinking, yeah, but you don't know what I've done. You're right. I don't. But I know somebody who does. And like Dan said, and I've said, and we can't stress it enough, and carried across the calvary willingly for the joy that was set before him. Well, that joy was your forgiveness. Yep. That joy was your healing. You're robbing yourself of the healing that can come with confession when you just refuse to. I know you might be scared, like Dan said, confession brings fear, but in the uncomfortable, you will find a healing that you have never known, and it starts with confession. It starts with just being honest with somebody. You know? For me, for a long time, I had relationships in my life that were built upon lies. They were built upon secrecy. They were built upon. Oh yeah. You know, it wasn't that bad. But then I met, my wife and I decided to do things the way God wanted me to do'em. And I started getting real. I started getting raw. I started getting honest, and I told her things in the beginning. I didn't wait until we was a year married, like we're getting ready to be, to start telling her these things.

Dan: 27:12

Congratulations.

Justin: 27:12

Thank you. It was, uh, 10 months. Saturday.

Dan: 27:16

That's cool.

Justin: 27:17

Yeah, so we're coming up on that. By the way, July 3rd was day we got married that way. When I started seeing firework stands, I know something's going on. Just a quick reminder to myself. A great reminder. Yes. Um, but it was in the months that we first started dating that I decided to get real. And it's because I didn't want to have Satan holding that over my shoulder months later saying, yeah, but if she knew this, she'd leave. And do you know what? I knew she was a woman of God. Like Dan said, when I got real, when I got honest, I saw that grace of God that says, yeah, but that's not who you are. I love who you are now. I love you in spite of that. And that's the same thing Jesus is saying to you today, and that's the same thing He wants to use somebody else in your life to say to you is that you were loved. Find that healing. Just get real, get raw, get honest, find somebody you trust and watch God work through that.

Dan: 28:15

So, very good. And as we get ready to wrap this podcast up, family, let's stop pretending. Let's be honest, man, you, you know what you've done. You know the stuff that that still clings to your conscious. You know what? And maybe you confessed it to God, but have you admitted it to yourself? Have you said it out loud in front of another soul, not just what you did, but family. I'm talking about the exact nature of it, how it made you feel, what it cost you, who it hurt, what it revealed about your heart. You see, this is where step five hits different step five. It's not vague, it's not safe. It's just raw truth because the real, you can't be healed if you keep hiding behind the image of someone who's already got it all together. Let that sink in for just a moment.

Justin: 29:17

There's a story, and this'll be what I'm gonna end with Dan. There's a story in the Bible where Jesus is in the synagogue and there's a man with the withered hands. And he asked the Pharisees, is it, is it lawful for me to heal on the Sabbath? Is it lawful for me to help someone on the Sabbath? And they refused. And so what does Jesus say? Give me your hand. And the man reaches out as withered hand and it's healed. But what the Pharisees failed to realize is Jesus was asking them to hand over their withered hearts. That's what he's telling you today. Hand over that withered heart, that hardness that you have. Give it to him and let him create new you a new heart. Quit trying to hide behind this lie that you've got it all figured out and that nothing in your life has been wrong. Find somebody you can trust. Find a godly person in your life and just sit down and ask them, Hey, is it okay if I tell you these things and let Jesus heal? That part of you. That you never thought he could? It's when I started getting real. It's when I started confessing to others that I seen that God loved that broken part of me. And it's only through his love that that gets fixed. It's through his love that that gets healed and it's through other people that he shows that love.

Dan: 30:41

So good family. You can't be restored until you're willing to be revealed. And this is it. This is the step where freedom starts to feel real. Not when you clean yourself up, but when you say, here's what I've done. Here's what I've hidden, and here is what I'm giving to God. Don't wait until it's easy,'cause guess what? It won't be. Say it. Anyways, family. Until next time, I want you to stay rooted. We want you to stay recovered, and more importantly, let's get to work.

31:23

You are not just surviving. You are becoming, becoming rooted in truth, becoming recovered by grace, and becoming the person God always knew you could be. Thanks for joining us on Rooted in Recovered. If this episode stirred something in you, don't keep it to yourself. Share it, live it, let it take root. We'll see you next time right here where scars become testimonies and hope rises from the ashes.