Your Calm Parenting Path

44. Awareness in Parenting (Part 1: Understanding Your Reactions)

• Nina Visic • Episode 44

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If you’ve ever felt like your reaction in a parenting moment was bigger than the situation, this episode will help you understand why. We explore what’s happening underneath those moments- noticing stressors, triggers, and the unmet needs underneath your reactions - and how awareness can gently shift the way you respond.


You’ll Learn

  • Why awareness is the first step in changing how you respond
  • The difference between a stressor and a trigger
  • How unmet needs sit underneath many parenting reactions
  • What it actually looks like to notice what’s happening in you
  • How to pause and respond with more clarity


Why This Episode Matters

So many parents focus on trying to stay calm or stop yelling, but without understanding what’s driving those reactions, it can feel like an uphill battle. This episode helps you build awareness of your stressors, triggers, and needs - so you can respond with more clarity and less overwhelm.

 

Small Shift for Big Impact

When you notice that reaction building, pause and ask:
 “Is this a stressor… or is this landing deeper for me?”

Then gently notice what you might need in that moment.


Take the Next Step
If this brought something up for you, you don’t have to figure it out alone. 

I offer a free 20-minute clarity call where we can talk through something that’s coming up for you in your parenting, and I can give you one or two simple, practical steps to help you move forward.


I’d love to support you.

 

Links and Resources


Let’s Connect

Want more support? Follow Nina on Instagram, or sign up for tips and updates at mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au.

Have a question or parenting challenge you'd like addressed on the podcast? Send a DM or an email.

 


About the Host
Nina is a mindful parenting coach and mum who supports overwhelmed parents to move from reactive patterns to calm, connected relationships with their children. Her work focuses on helping parents understand their triggers, recognise unmet needs, and build awareness in everyday parenting moments.

Through her own experience of feeling overwhelmed and stuck in reactive cycles, Nina understands how hard parenting can feel in the moment. Her approach is compassionate, practical, and grounded in small shifts that create meaningful change over time.

This transcript has been copied and pasted but not proofread or edited, so it may contain errors or inaccuracies.


Episode 44 – Awareness in Parenting (Part 1: Understanding Your Reactions)



You're listening to Your Calm Parenting Path. I’m your host, Nina, a mindful parenting coach and mum, here to help you go from overwhelmed and reactive to calm, confident, and connected with your kids.

 

This show is for parents who want to raise their children with more patience, less stress, and a whole lot more joy. Because small shifts make a big impact-and you can build the parenting life you’ve always wanted.

 

If you want to see what I’m up to, follow me on Instagram at [your handle]. And don’t forget to hit follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode.

 

Now, let’s get started!


Something I hear all the time from parents is:

“I just want to stop yelling.”

And I get that.

But when that’s the only focus, it can feel like you’re constantly trying to control your reactions… without really understanding what’s driving them.

So today, I want to talk about awareness.

And what that actually looks like in real life.



Awareness is noticing what’s happening in you.

That’s it.

Most of the time, you’ll notice it in your body first.

Your chest tightens.
 Your jaw clenches.
 Your shoulders tense.

That feeling of pressure building… where you can tell you’re about to snap.

That’s awareness.

And it’s not calm.

It’s information.


Let’s use a really common example.

You’re at the playground.

Your child is happily playing. No issues at all from their side.

You say it’s time to leave.

They ignore you… because they’re having a great time.

And almost straight away, you feel it.

That tension in your body.
 That frustration building.



Now, where we usually go is:

“They need to listen.”

But if you pause for a second and look at what’s happening in you…

There’s usually a need underneath it.

Maybe you need to get home to start dinner.
 Maybe you’re running late.
 Maybe you’ve already asked a few times and you need things to move along.

So in that moment…

You have a need.

And because that need isn’t being met…

You have a problem.

Your child, at this point, doesn’t.

They’re happy.
 They’re playing.
 Everything’s going fine for them.

So what’s happening here is:

You have the problem first.



And this is where it can get a bit confusing.

Because on the surface, it looks like the problem is your child not listening.

But underneath that, there are two layers.

There’s the situation itself…
 and then there’s how strongly it lands for you.

And that’s the difference between a stressor and a trigger.



The stressor is simple.

Your child isn’t leaving the playground.

But if your reaction feels quite strong… like it escalates quickly…

that’s usually a sign something else is sitting underneath.

Maybe you were raised with the expectation that when a parent says something, you listen straight away.

So this moment doesn’t just feel inconvenient…

it feels frustrating on a deeper level.

Not because anything’s gone wrong…

but because it’s hitting something in you.

And again - you don’t need to analyse it.

Just noticing:

“Okay… this is landing strongly for me.”



So instead of reacting straight away…

you can pause and ask:

“What’s happening in me right now?”

And the answer might be:

“I need to leave.”
 “I’m feeling rushed.”
 “I don’t have the capacity to stay longer.”

That’s awareness doing its job.



When you’re clear on your need, you can communicate it more clearly.

“We’re leaving now because we need to get home for dinner.”

It doesn’t mean your child will like it.

And this is where the shift happens…

Now it becomes their problem too.

They don’t want to leave.
 They’re having fun.
 They’re disappointed.

So now there are two problems:

You need to leave.
 They want to stay.



And your role here isn’t to remove their problem.

It’s to support them through it.

“I can see you don’t want to leave. You’re having fun.”

And still hold the boundary:

“We are leaving.”

You’re not dropping your need…
 and you’re not ignoring theirs.

(And if this is something you find tricky, I go deeper into this in my boundaries episode - I’ll link that in the show notes.)



And you’ll see this really clearly in smaller moments too.

Like when something gets spilled.

Let’s say your child knocks over a glass of milk.

From their perspective… it might not even be a big deal.

 

They’re not doing it to annoy you.

They’re learning.
 They’re experimenting.
 They’re still figuring things out.

But in that moment, that’s not what you feel first.

What you feel… is your own capacity being stretched.

 

 

But in you, something happens straight away.

Your body tightens.
 Your jaw clenches.
 That frustration rises instantly.

And it’s not really about the milk.

It’s that it’s one more thing.

One more thing to clean.
 One more interruption.
 One more demand when you’re already stretched.

Maybe you were already trying to get dinner sorted.
 Maybe you were already feeling behind.
 Maybe you just needed things to go smoothly for five minutes.

So when that milk spills…

it tips you over.

That’s your problem.

Because your need for ease, or space, or support… isn’t being met in that moment.

And here’s what’s important to see…

On a different day, that same spilt milk might not affect you at all.

You’d just clean it up and move on.

Same situation… different capacity.

And that’s where awareness really helps.

It helps you understand your reaction instead of judging it.


…and sometimes, this is the lightbulb moment.

The moment where you realise -
 “Oh… it’s not just what my child is doing. It’s what’s happening in me.”

And that can feel really empowering…
 but also a little confronting.

Because once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

You might start to notice patterns.
 You might start to notice certain situations that get under your skin more than others.
 Certain behaviours that feel bigger than they should.

And this is where it’s really helpful to understand the difference between a stressor and a trigger.

A stressor is something happening in the moment -
 your kids are fighting, you’re running late, dinner’s not ready, everyone’s tired, everyone’s hungry.

A trigger goes a little deeper.

It’s when your reaction feels bigger, stronger, or more intense than the situation itself.
 It’s when something in the present moment connects to something from your past - often without you even realising.

And when that happens, it’s not just about what’s going on in front of you anymore.
 It’s about something that’s been sitting underneath for a while.

 

So here’s something really simple you can try this week.

When you notice that reaction building -
 that tight chest, that frustration rising -

Pause, just for a moment, and ask yourself:

“Is this a stressor… or is this landing deeper for me?”

You don’t need to figure it out.
 You don’t need to fix anything.

Just noticing the difference
 can create a little bit of space.

And that space…
 is often what changes how you respond.

 

Now, this isn’t something you need to “fix” overnight.

But if you do start to notice that something has landed deeply for you -
 that certain moments feel really activating -

I gently invite you to get curious about that.

That might look like:

  • reading something like Parenting from the Inside Out 
  • speaking with a therapist or counsellor 
  • or simply beginning to notice your patterns with a bit more awareness and compassion 

 

Because this kind of awareness… this work - this inner work -
 is what allows you to show up differently over time.


And if you’re listening to this and thinking,
 “Yes… I can see this in myself, but I don’t quite know what to do with it”

I want you to know - you don’t have to figure it out on your own.

I offer a free 20-minute clarity call where we can talk through something that’s coming up for you in your parenting,
 and I can give you one or two simple, practical steps to help you move forward.

It’s not about doing everything differently overnight.
 It’s just about finding your next small step.

You can book that via the link in the show notes - I’d love to support you.



Now in the next episode, we’re going to gently shift the focus.

Because once we start to understand what’s happening in us…
the next step is to understand what’s happening in our children.

We’re going to look at behaviour in a completely different way -
 and why your child isn’t actually trying to push your buttons (even though it really feels like it sometimes).



Until next time, my friend -
 remember, awareness is the first step.

And even noticing this…
 is already a powerful shift.



Thanks for listening to Your Calm Parenting Path! I’m so glad you’re here, and I hope this episode gave you something useful to take into your parenting journey.

 

If you’d like to dive deeper, sign up for my mailing list at mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au for more tips and insights, or book a free chat to learn how we can work together. And don’t forget to hit follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode.

I look forward to speaking with you next time on Your Calm Parenting Path.