55. The 'Just a Minute' Double Standard

There's a small thing many of us do without thinking - and once you notice it, you'll see it everywhere. 

This episode looks at the gap between what we ask of our kids and what we offer back, and why that gap matters more than we might realise. 

Nina shares two practical shifts to try - small changes that can make a real difference to the emotional atmosphere in your home.

You’ll Learn

• Why children's play is just as important as adult tasks
• What "just a minute" feels like from your child's side
• Two approaches to the connection gap at home 
• Why a simple heads-up makes kids more cooperative

Why This Episode Matters
Most of us aren't doing this on purpose - we're just busy and moving fast. But noticing the double standard is the first step toward something different. 

When children feel seen and respected in the small moments, everything tends to soften a little - there's more patience, more cooperation, and more connection on both sides. 

These tiny moments shape the emotional atmosphere of a family more than we often realise.

Small Shift for Big Impact

Take a moment to reflect on this... What's one moment this week where you could pause before automatically saying "just a minute"? 

Or maybe, what's one moment where you could offer your child a little more grace before asking them to stop what they're doing immediately? 

Because sometimes the smallest shifts create the biggest changes in the feeling of a home.

Take the Next Step

If this episode resonated with you and you'd love more support navigating these everyday parenting moments with more connection, patience, and mutual respect - Nina offers a free 30 minute Parenting Support Session where you can talk about what's feeling hard in your family dynamic right now, and what support might look like for you. 

Links and Resources

• Listen to 
  • Episode 5 - Can Connection Really Help Your Kids Listen Better? 
  • Episode 10 - What Does Play Have to Do with Parenting? 
• Book a free 30 minute Parenting Support Session 
• Read related blog posts
  • Blog - I'll Be There in a Minute; I've Just Got to Do This...

Let’s Connect
Want more support? Follow Nina on Instagram, or sign up for tips and updates at mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au.

Have a question or parenting challenge you'd like addressed on the podcast? Send a DM or an email.

• Follow Nina on Instagram
• Website: mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au
• Email: nina@mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au

About the Host/s
Nina Visic is a mindful parenting coach and mum of three who helps overwhelmed parents find more calm and confidence in everyday family life. She believes that small, intentional shifts in the way we show up for our kids can change the entire emotional atmosphere of a home - not through perfection, but through awareness, connection, and a growing understanding of what our children actually need from us.

She hosts Your Calm Parenting Path - a weekly podcast for parents who want to raise their kids with more patience, less stress, and a whole lot more joy. Each episode explores the small moments that shape family life, with real, practical ideas you can try straight away.

Transcript

You're listening to Your Calm Parenting Path. I’m your host, Nina, a mindful parenting coach and mum, here to help you go from overwhelmed and reactive to calm, confident, and connected with your kids.

This show is for parents who want to raise their children with more patience, less stress, and a whole lot more joy. Because small shifts make a big impact—and you can build the parenting life you’ve always wanted.

If you want to see what I’m up to, follow me on Instagram at [your handle]. And don’t forget to hit follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode.

Now, let’s get started!

Hey lovely people, welcome back to the podcast.

Today I want to talk about something that has been sitting on my heart lately, and honestly… once I noticed it, I couldn’t un-notice it.

It’s one of those tiny everyday parenting moments that seems so normal… but when you really stop and think about it, it reveals a bit of a double standard that so many of us — myself included — fall into without even realising.

And it’s this…

How often do we say to our children:

“Just a minute…”

“I’ll be there in a sec…”

“I’ve just got to finish this…”

“Give me a moment…”

We say it all the time.

And usually, we say it because we genuinely ARE doing something important. We’re making dinner, replying to messages, folding washing, paying bills, trying to drink a coffee while it’s still warm for once…

We’re busy.

And I think most parents are living in this constant state of task-switching and mental load where we feel like we’re being pulled in a thousand directions at once.

So this isn’t about parent guilt or blaming ourselves.

But I do think it’s worth gently reflecting on something.

Because when WE ask our children to do something… we often expect immediate action.

We expect them to stop what they’re doing right away.

And if they say:

“Just a minute, I’m finishing my Lego house…”

Or:

“I just want to finish my game…”

Or:

“Can I finish this puzzle first?”

A lot of the time our response is:

“No, it’s dinner now.”

“No, it’s bedtime.”

“No, I need you to clean up now.”

And again — sometimes there ARE moments where things genuinely need to happen quickly.

But I think there’s something really important in recognising the disconnect there.

We often see it as completely acceptable for our children to wait for us…

…but we don’t always offer them the same courtesy.

And honestly, once I noticed it, I started hearing it everywhere.

Not just in my own home, but in supermarkets, playgrounds, cafes… everywhere.

Parents saying:
 “Just let me finish this first…”

while children are expected to immediately stop what they’re deeply engaged in.

And the thing is…

What they’re doing matters to them.

Even if to us it just looks like:
 “playing schools”
 or building Lego
 or colouring
 or pretending to be a dinosaur for the 47th time that day…

To them?

That play is important.

Play is literally the work of childhood.

It’s how they process the world.
 It’s how they explore.
 It’s how they develop creativity.
 Confidence.
 Problem-solving.
 Independence.
 Connection. Oh gosh!

That puzzle they’re finishing?
 That tower they’re building?
 That imaginary classroom they’ve created? My boys love doing that!

That matters deeply to them.

And honestly, I think one of the easiest ways to understand this from our child’s perspective… is to put ourselves in their shoes for a second.

Imagine you’re right in the middle of your favourite TV show.

Like… the really good part.
 The cliffhanger.
 The final few minutes.
 The penalty shootout.
 The last over.
 The really emotional scene.

And suddenly your partner walks in and says:

“Turn it off now. Dinner’s ready.”

Or:
 “Nope, you need to come and do this right now.”

You’d probably feel a bit frustrated, right?

Maybe even irritated.

Not because you never intended to come to dinner…
 but because you were immersed in something and wanted a moment to finish it properly.

And I think children feel exactly the same way.

The difference is… we often recognise our own activities as important, but we can accidentally dismiss theirs because it looks like “just play.”

But to them?
 It matters.

That Lego build matters.
 That game matters.
 That chapter matters.
 That cricket score matters.

And sometimes simply putting ourselves in their shoes helps us respond with a little more understanding instead of frustration.

Now obviously, this doesn’t mean we suddenly let children run the entire household schedule.

We can’t always stop everything we’re doing immediately to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar for the thousandth time.

And similarly, there are moments where children DO need to stop what they’re doing because life has structure and routines and responsibilities.

But I think there’s a middle ground here.

And I think awareness is the first step.

Because once we notice the double standard, we can start making small shifts.

So I wanted to share two approaches that I’ve really been thinking about lately.

The first one is:
 When THEY are asking for us.

And if you notice that “just a minute” has become your automatic response all day long…

Maybe every now and then, we pause.

Maybe instead of finishing the email, or folding the washing, or scrolling for a second longer…

…we choose connection first.

Even just for five or ten minutes.

Ten intentional minutes where we fully enter their world.

Read the book.
 Watch the dance performance.
 Sit on the floor.
 Look at the drawing.
 Join the game.

Not distracted.
 Not half-listening.
 Not while replying to messages.

Just present.

And honestly, ten minutes of true connection can fill a child’s cup so much more than hours of distracted proximity.

And then when that time is finished, we can lovingly say:

“I loved hanging out with you. I’m going to go finish what I was doing now.”

It teaches connection AND boundaries at the same time.

The second approach is:
 When WE are asking something of THEM.

Instead of expecting immediate compliance every single time…

What if we gave a little more grace?

What if instead of:
 “Stop now.”

We said:
 “When the episode finishes, we need to go have dinner.”

Or:
 “When you’ve finished that page or chapter, it’ll be time to brush your teeth.”

Or:
 “After the next goal.”

“After the next wicket.”

Or:
 “You can put ten more blocks on your Lego tower, and then we need to get dressed.”

And honestly, these tiny little transition moments make SUCH a difference.

Because children often just need closure.
 They need a chance to finish the moment they’re in before moving to the next thing.

And another thing I think really helps is reassuring them that what they’re building or creating is safe.

Especially with Lego.

Because sometimes when children resist stopping, it’s not actually about refusing us…
 it’s because they’re worried their game will be ruined, packed away, knocked over, or forgotten.

So I’ll often say, you know:

“You can leave it there.”
 “We’ll keep it safe.”
 “You can come back to it later.”

“put in a book mark”

And you can almost see their whole body relax.

Because suddenly they don’t feel like they’re losing something important to them.

It’s such a small shift…
 but it communicates respect.

It says:
 “I see what matters to you.”
 “I care about your world too.”
 “You don’t have to abandon it immediately.”

And honestly?

I think children become MORE cooperative when they feel respected.

Because none of us really like being abruptly pulled away from something we’re focused on.

Not adults.
 Not children.

I also think there’s something really powerful about role modelling here.

There’s a quote that I love:
 “Live the way you want them to learn.”

And I think that applies so beautifully to patience and respect.

Because if we want children to learn patience…
 we need to model patience.

If we want them to respect our time and attention…
 we also need to respect theirs sometimes too.

And again — this isn’t about perfection.

You are not failing because you say “just a minute.”

I say it.
 Every parent says it. I said it yesterday!

This is simply about becoming more intentional.

More aware.

More conscious of the little dynamics we create in our homes every day.

Because these tiny moments?
 They shape the emotional atmosphere of a family.

And I think when children feel seen, respected, and connected to…
 everything softens a little.

There’s more patience.
 More cooperation.
 More understanding on both sides.

And maybe that’s really the heart of all of this.

Not perfection.

Just mutual respect.

So I’d love for you to reflect on this today…

What’s one moment this week where you could pause before automatically saying:
 “Just a minute…”

Or maybe…
 what’s one moment where you could offer your child a little more grace before asking them to stop what they’re doing immediately?

Because sometimes the smallest shifts create the biggest changes in the feeling of a home.

Thank you so much for being here today.

And before you go, if this episode resonated with you and you’d love more support navigating these everyday parenting moments with more connection, patience, and mutual respect — I offer a free 15-minute chat where we can talk about what’s feeling hard in your family dynamic right now and what support might look like for you.

I’ll pop the link in the show notes if you’d like to book one in.

And if you know another parent who’s trying to parent more intentionally while juggling the chaos of everyday life, I’d love if you shared this episode with them too.

Thanks so much for being here, and I’ll chat to you next time on your calm parenting path.

Thanks for listening to Your Calm Parenting Path! I’m so glad you’re here, and I hope this episode gave you something useful to take into your parenting journey.

If you’d like to dive deeper, sign up for my mailing list at mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au for more tips and insights, or book a free chat to learn how we can work together. And don’t forget to hit follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode.

I look forward to speaking with you next time on Your Calm Parenting Path.