Your Calm Parenting Path

62. Overcome the Overwhelm Part 1: Redefining Self-Care

• Nina Visic • Episode 62

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Some days the overwhelm hits before you've even had your coffee. Part one of a two-part series, this episode looks at where that feeling starts, within ourselves, with two shifts to help lighten it.

You'll Learn

  •  Why chore resentment is rarely about the task itself
  •  A simple way to bring presence into washing up or folding laundry
  •  Why unpaid, unrecognised housework can feel invisible
  •  A different way to think about "me time" that doesn't need a bath and candles

 
Why This Episode Matters
If you've felt resentful scrubbing a pot, or guilty for not doing self-care "properly," this episode names what's underneath both, and offers a gentler way to show up in the hours you already have.

Small Shift for Big Impact
Pick one this week: a playlist to dance through your next tidy up, or twenty extra seconds at the sink each morning noticing your hands and one thing you're grateful for. If one doesn't land, try the other.

Take the Next Step
If this stirred something in you, Nina's one-on-one coaching goes deeper into exactly this. Book a free 15-minute discovery call to see if it's the right fit.

Links and Resources

Let's Connect
Want more support? Follow Nina on Instagram, or sign up for tips and updates at mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au.

Have a question or parenting challenge you'd like addressed on the podcast? Send a DM or an email.


 
About the Host
Nina Visic is a mindful parenting coach and the voice behind Your Calm Parenting Path, helping overwhelmed parents find more calm, connection and confidence at home through mindfulness and practical, everyday strategies. 

Drawing on her own experience raising three boys, and on the Mindful Parenting Framework developed by Hunter Clarke-Fields, Nina shares real tools for turning ordinary moments, from doing the dishes to bedtime, into moments of genuine presence and connection.

You're listening to Your Calm Parenting Path. I’m your host, Nina, a mindful parenting coach and mum, here to help you go from overwhelmed and reactive to calm, confident, and connected with your kids.

 

This show is for parents who want to raise their children with more patience, less stress, and a whole lot more joy. Because small shifts make a big impact—and you can build the parenting life you’ve always wanted.

 

If you want to see what I’m up to, follow me on Instagram at [your handle]. And don’t forget to hit follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode.

 

Now, let’s get started!

Hello lovely listener, welcome back to Your Calm Parenting Path. This weeks episode is the first of two episodes focusingon on overcoming the  overwhelm. Today I want to zoom right into the overwhelm that starts within ourselves, because I think that's really where it all begins. Then next episode, we'll talk about our children, our family, and our home. But today, my friend, it's about you.’

 

Now, I get it. Some days the overwhelm hits before you've even had your coffee. There’s a  pile of washing waiting, dishes in the sink, a quick look at the day ahead and it already feels like too much before it's even begun. You're not alone in that, I hear it from so many parents I work with, and I feel it myself plenty of days as well.

 

Now I want to plant two words that'll come up again and again over these two episodes. Mindfulness and heartfulness. Now mindfulness is choosing to focus on the present moment with kindness and curiosity, so you get to make a thoughtful choice about what to do next. Heartfulness is the companion to that, the kindness, gratitude, generosity, and compassion that gives mindfulness its warmth, so it doesn't turn into something cold or clinical.

 

Now overwhelm for mums rarely comes from one single thing. It tends to build from every direction at once. There's what's happening inside the home, the kids need something the moment you finally sit down, the mental load of knowing what everyone needs before they've even asked, keeping on top of the cooking and the washing and the general running of a household that never really stops running. 

 

There's what's happening outside the home too, work that doesn't pause just because someone's sick, emails from school, other people's expectations of how you should be showing up. Somewhere in there is your relationship with your partner too, trying to stay connected to them in the gaps between everything else. And usually last of all, if it gets a look in at all, is you. Your own needs, your own body, and your own sense of who you are outside of managing everyone else's day.

 

It's a lot to hold, and most of it happens quietly, without anyone really noticing how much you're carrying. Today I want to hone in on just two pieces of that bigger picture, because trying to address all of it at once isn't realistic. We're going to talk about chores and jobs around the house, and also about how we think about me time. Let's start with chores, since that tends to be the one that surprises people the most.

 

Before we get into it though, I want you to pause for a second. With everything you're juggling, you deserve to actually hear this, not just skim past it. You're doing an amazing job, even on the days it doesn't feel that way at all. Now, if you're somewhere you can, say it out loud -  repeat after me. I am amazing. It might feel a bit strange, say it anyway, I am amazing! Thank you

 

Now, the big one I hear more than almost anything else is just how much there is to do around the house, the washing, the wiping, the dishes, the school bags, the dinner, that bit of floor nobody else seems to notice needs sweeping. It can feel endless. I don’t know how many times my boys spill their cornflakes on the floor and don’t even notice!

 

Before we go any further, I want to invite you to actually dig into this a bit. What is your relationship with chores? If you're able to, this might be a good spot to pause the episode and grab a pen, even just for a few minutes of journalling. How do these tasks actually make you feel while you're doing them? 

 

Rushed? Resentful? Invisible? Maybe something closer to guilt, if the house doesn't look a certain way. For some of you it might even be pride, a genuine sense of satisfaction once it's done. There's no right answer here, just notice what comes up, because whatever it is, it's worth understanding.

 

Now, people tend to relate to chores in pretty different ways. For some it's pure obligation, something to grit your teeth through. For others it becomes almost a measure of self worth, a clean house feeling like proof you're managing, a messy one feeling like proof you're failing. I know for me that I sometimes think, the state of the house is a reflection of my mind. If my house is tidy and clean I feel more organised and capable. But when it’s messy my brain feels a lot more scattered. Now some avoid it altogether until it piles up and becomes its own kind of stress. Some throw themselves into it as a way to stay busy, so there's no space left to feel anything else.

 

Wherever you land, there's usually a reason underneath it. I want to walk through a few of the more common ones, and then share the mindset shift that's helped me, and a lot of the parents I work with, actually change their relationship with this stuff.

 

For a lot of us, whatever came up in that reflection, there's maybe a resentment sitting right under the surface somewhere, and it's worth naming what that resentment is actually made of, because it's rarely just about the task itself.

 

A big part of it is that housework has historically been coded as women's work, in air quotes. Even in households that consider themselves equal, a lot of us carry an inherited sense that this is somehow ours to manage, ours to notice, ours to stay on top of. 

 

On top of that, it's unpaid, which in a world that measures value in dollars, makes it feel invisible. Nobody claps when the kitchen bench is clean, except maybe my mum. Nobody says thank you for the load of washing that got hung out before anyone else woke up. It's unrecognised, and after a while, that lack of recognition starts to feel like proof the work doesn't matter, even though everyone in the house is relying on it happening.

 

Then there's the resentment that shows up around a partner. A quiet, running tally of who's doing more, who should be doing more, why does this always fall to me. That one is loaded, because it's not really about the dishes at all. It's about fairness, and being seen, and not wanting to carry an invisible mental load alone.

 

For some of us, chores become something to rush through so we can get to the thing that actually feels meaningful. Which makes sense. Nobody dreams of spending their life scrubbing a pot. So we treat it as an obstacle, something to get out of the way. And for others, housework becomes performance, tidying before visitors arrive so the house looks a certain way, so nobody sees the mess of real life underneath. Underneath most of it is a simple truth. A lot of us find this work boring, and boring things are the ones we're most likely to avoid, rush, or resent.

 

I'm not telling you this to make you feel worse about the resentment. Naming it actually loosens its grip a little. When you understand why a task feels heavy, you stop being confused by your own reaction to it, and confusion is exhausting in a way that clarity isn't.

 

OK, so here's the shift. What if, instead of rushing through the task to get to something more meaningful, you brought a bit of presence into the task itself, right now, as it's happening. Next time you're at the sink or folding washing, notice your body, the stretch in your arms as you reach, the movement of your hands. Notice your breath. Let your attention rest on the job itself instead of the six things waiting for you after it, or your partner and kids sitting on the couch while you're still finishing up things for the night. Your mind will wander, that's normal, just notice the thoughts passing through without needing to grab onto every one. And if you can, find one thing to feel genuinely grateful for inside the moment. This is heartfulness showing up inside mindfulness, gratitude sitting right alongside your attention. A house that's messy because people you love actually live in it. A body that still lets you move and do the work.

 

For me, the thing that makes this actually work is music. When there's a big tidy up ahead, putting on a playlist and properly singing and dancing my way through it changes the whole feel of the task. It stops being something to push through and turns into something closer to fun, whatever version of that looks like for you.

 

This is where music and mindfulness actually meet, if you let them. Instead of just having it on in the background while your mind runs off somewhere else, try really listening to it. Feel the beat, let your body move with it, notice the parts of the song you actually love. You can even bring a bit of heartfulness into that too, a small sense of gratitude for the song itself, for having music in your life at all, for a body that can still move to it. That's the mindfulness. Being with the music the same way we talked about being with the task.

 

There's a lovely reflection on this in the book Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali. It goes like this: “By being there with the experience of cleaning the kitchen, or hanging the washing, I began to find pleasure and joy in daily activities. No longer chores, they became rituals infused with a quality of mindfulness that brought them alive. A major shift in attitude.” 

 

Isn’t that wonderful?

 

 

There's a similar idea in The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Han, 

“Being in the moment of what we are doing – rather than thinking about what we will be doing ‘after’ we have done what we are doing. 

Because, by the time we get to the second thing we are doing, we will be thinking and planning on the third thing, and then not enjoying the second.”

 

Now it’s a bit of a tongue twister. But I think it’s a great thing to aspire to, so that we can actually enjoy what we are doing. These daily tasks become rituals that are brought alive by mindfulness.

 

None of this means you need to enjoy doing the dishes. The resentment was doing something, protecting you from feeling unseen and undervalued, and meeting it with a bit of understanding tends to work better than trying to push through it with more willpower.

 

If you'd like to actually like to experience this rather than just hear about it, I've put together a free washing the dishes meditation, this a guided way to feel what it's like to be fully present for something as ordinary as the dishes. You can find it in the link in the show notes.


 

OK! Onto mindset shift #2 this second shift follows on from the first, and it's about how we think about "me time." A lot of us quietly believe self care only counts if it looks a certain way. And I’ve talked about this on the podcast before. So maybe a bath with candles. Twenty uninterrupted minutes with a book. And when that version isn't available, which, if you've got young kids, is most days, we tell ourselves we've failed at looking after ourselves. That belief adds a whole extra layer of overwhelm, because now you're not just tired, you're tired and feeling guilty about not doing self care properly.

 

Now I used to feel this a lot. I'd catch myself counting down the hours until bedtime, just so I could finally sit on the couch and watch some TV. All day I felt pulled between different roles, mother, homemaker, wife, employee, and it was easy to mentally carve the day up into separate boxes. Time with the kids. Time with my partner. Time at work. Time doing jobs around the house. And then, right at the end, if there was anything left, time for me.

 

I want to gently push back on that way of dividing things up. What if all of those moments could actually count as me time, simply because you were genuinely present in them? That takes a lot of the pressure off feeling like you're missing out all day, only to finally arrive at the one part that counts once everyone else is in bed.

 

Now we've already touched on how this works with housework, choosing to be present, tuning into how your body feels, using the moment for reflection or gratitude instead of rushing through it. Do that, and the chore aspect starts to fall away. It becomes time with yourself, genuinely in the task in front of you instead of wishing you were somewhere else or already planning the next thing.

 

Bedtime is a good example of what I mean. My husband and I take it in turns doing bedtime with the boys, and for a long time I used to look forward to the nights it wasn't my turn, when it was his turn. Because I would treat those free evenings as my self care time. And the nights when I had to put the boys to bed would be something I had to get through, to then have the night to myself. These days I love bedtime just as much as the nights off.

 

What changed is choosing to actually be mindful in it. I notice the sound of their voice while they're talking or reading to me, the little pauses, the way they get excited about a particular page. I'll stroke their hair while we're sitting there together. We look at the pictures and the words in the book properly, reading it together rather than just turning pages to get to the end. Sometimes we have some of those deep and meaningful conversation that only arise at the end of the long day. And before I leave the room, I take a moment for gratitude, thinking about that particular child, what they taught me that day, or something small we shared that I don't want to forget. I look at them and just think about how beautiful they are.

 

Being fully present for that one on one time with each child has turned it into something I actually treasure, almost sacred, rather than a chore standing between me and my evening. And even though I'm sitting there with someone else the whole time, it genuinely counts as me time, because I'm fully in it rather than half thinking about getting through it.

 

Now it doesn't need to be a whole routine either. Washing my face in the morning is another one, if I take an extra ten or twenty seconds there instead of rushing straight into the day, that alone counts as a real form of self care. The few minutes at the sink where your mind actually settles instead of racing. 

 

The walk to school where you notice the weather on your skin. This won't replace real rest or real support when you can get it, but it gives you access to a form of care that's available on the hard days too, the ones where a bath isn't happening and you still need something. If you'd like to go deeper on this, I do have links to some additional resources in the show notes.

 

I do want to say this clearly though. Real me time, the kind you actively choose and protect for yourself, still matters, and this shift isn't trying to talk you out of wanting it or to replace it. It's more about taking some of the pressure off, so that craving for it doesn't end up running your whole day. Think of it as another way to bring a bit more joy, calm, and satisfaction into the hours you're already living, alongside the me time you protect, not instead of the me time.

 


So that's overwhelm within ourselves. A shift in how we relate to chores, and a shift in how we define me time, both really about bringing presence and gratitude into what's already happening rather than waiting for conditions to be perfect.

 

For your small shift, big impact this week, pick one of the two. Whichever resonated more, or felt easier to actually try. Maybe it's the music for the big tidy up. Maybe it's noticing the extra twenty seconds at the sink. Try it for a week and see how it goes. And look, if it doesn't land, that's fine, you can try the other one instead. And look if it does, you can build on it from there.


If any of this stirred something in you, if you found yourself nodding along thinking, I need more of this, that's exactly what we go deeper into inside my one on one coaching. Real support between sessions too, not just information you have to figure out how to apply alone.

 

You'll find the details on my website, mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au, or send me an email at nina@mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au. I'd love to hear where you're at.

 

Thanks for listening today. Be kind to yourself this week 🧡 Next episode, we'll pick up with our children, our family, and our homes. I'll see you then on Your Calm Parenting Path.


Thanks for listening to Your Calm Parenting Path! I’m so glad you’re here, and I hope this episode gave you something useful to take into your parenting journey.

 

If you’d like to dive deeper, sign up for my mailing list at mindfulparentinglifestyle.com.au for more tips and insights, or book a free chat to learn how we can work together. And don’t forget to hit follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode.

I look forward to speaking with you next time on Your Calm Parenting Path.