“The Mountain Didn’t Break Me” - Sarka Wilde on Survival, Failure & Starting Again

When Sarka Wilde first joined me on The Viking Chats, the focus was very different.

She was preparing to take on Aconcagua, the highest mountain outside of Asia, raising money for the Propertymark Trust through what would become one of the most physically and mentally demanding challenges of her life. The training was relentless, the commitment extraordinary and the purpose behind it deeply personal.

Then everything changed.

In this follow-up episode, Sarka returns not to talk about summiting the mountain, but about what happened when the expedition went catastrophically wrong.

What unfolds is one of the most raw, honest and emotionally intelligent conversations we’ve ever had on the podcast.

Sarka talks openly about developing acute pulmonary oedema high on the mountain, the terrifying moment she realised something was fundamentally wrong, and the decision that ultimately saved her life. From being airlifted off the mountain by helicopter to being moved between multiple hospitals in Argentina, she shares the reality of an experience that was physically dangerous, emotionally traumatic and psychologically far more complex than simply “failing to complete a challenge.”

Because this episode isn’t really about mountaineering. It’s about identity.

It’s about what happens when you spend months, sometimes years, building your life around a singular purpose and then suddenly have that purpose taken away from you. It’s about the emotional aftermath of not reaching the summit, the guilt of feeling like you’ve let people down, and the strange psychological void that can follow the collapse of something you’ve poured everything into.

Sarka speaks incredibly honestly about the difficult months that followed. The exhaustion, the recovery, the self-doubt and the challenge of coming to terms with the fact that despite doing everything “right”, things still didn’t go to plan.

We also explore the psychology of resilience, the danger of tying self-worth too tightly to outcomes, and why learning to be honest with yourself about failure can actually become a form of freedom. There’s a particularly powerful section around the idea that setbacks in life aren’t necessarily failures at all, but feedback — opportunities to learn, recalibrate and rebuild with greater perspective.

Alongside all of that, there are also moments of real warmth and humanity throughout this conversation. Sarka reflects on the extraordinary kindness she experienced from strangers in Argentina, the support she received from friends and colleagues within the property industry, and the importance of having people around you who help you navigate difficult periods honestly rather than allowing you to disappear into your own head.

And despite everything that happened, there is an incredible positive outcome sitting at the centre of this story.

The expedition raised more than £25,000 for the Propertymark Trust, massively exceeding the original target and helping raise awareness for a charity that quietly supports people within the property industry through periods of hardship, crisis and personal difficulty.

In many ways, this episode became something neither of us expected.

It’s a conversation about survival, perspective, emotional resilience and the uncomfortable reality that sometimes doing your absolute best still doesn’t guarantee the outcome you wanted.

But it’s also about what comes next.

And why not reaching the summit doesn’t necessarily mean the mountain beat you.

Transcript

Hello everybody and welcome back to the Viking chat and I'm delighted to be rejoined today by Miss Sarka Wilde. Sarka thanks for coming back to see us. Hello Kristjan thank you for having me it's been a while I've been here. It's been quite the eventful period since we last saw you so obviously last time we saw you you came to see us you were about to set up set out rather on your epic journey to ascend. Was it Akongakua? Akongakua, yes. Got it, got it. Raising funds for property market trust. Now a lot of people will know but some won't. Didn't quite go according to plan. Fundraising did. Fundraising did well above the plan. - And yeah, that's so lovely. - So that is fantastic. And we'll talk a little bit more about that in a bit. But I wanted to talk to you about really what those last few weeks have been like for you, 'cause you must have been through just the most insane array of emotions the last few weeks. So for those out there listening to this that don't know what happened with the climb. Briefly, as much as you can briefly explain what happened, do you wanna just kind of explain what went down on the mountain side? - Yeah, yeah, briefly what happened is I ended up airlifted because I developed life threatening condition, acute pulmonary edema, known in public as "Hate" like a high altitude pulmonary edema is non-medical term. Medical term is acute pulmonary edema and if I wasn't airlifted I would have died. Jesus Christ. And so how far? Because like I said I want to really talk about, like I said, kind of what your headspace has been at the last few weeks because you know when you take on a challenge like that you take on so much responsibility so much burden like I said we'll come back to the fundraising because that's what it was fundamentally all about and you smashed that out the park. But I was so blown away by your commitment in the lead up to this thing as someone who who regularly signs up, not to climbing mountains. I will definitely, I look at people, I look at people like you do that and be like, no, you're fine with that. But as someone who's regularly like, yeah, 20 miles for charity, I'll go and do that. And then dragged myself across the line because I do zero preparation. It was fascinating to watch the level of commitment you put in your hikes going in t-shirts So you were doing cold weather or climatisation, I think you even did some training sessions in my altitude? Not on this one. Not on this one. Not on this one. But I did quite a lot of prep. I was obviously hiking. Quite a lot. You did tons. Yeah, yeah. I was pretty much doing something every single day and I would give myself one day in a week of when I would do something maybe a little bit easier like church swim or still walk the dog. But I don't live near the mountains. I live in Kotswold. It's Helle. So the nearest mountain is near is... So did you go over into Wales to Snowden? I would go to Wales, not to North Wales, to South Wales, Brecon Beacons or Peak District. These are my closest ranges. Me being from they are still hills but here in Britain they are class mountains. Yeah. So, but there are some some goods here, steep, steep mountains, steep hills in those ranges. So I was going pretty much every second week, so let for usually two days back to back and in between I was going to conferences to fundraise and yeah, I also forgot I have business that I'm running. Yeah, yeah, somewhere in there. Somewhere in there. Yes, a personal life. And I was up until the end of September. I was also doing dissertation for my masters. I mean, why not? You know, who needs sleep? No, exactly. Overrated anyway. So, look, you went, you did a lot of prep. You had a lot of backing. You got out there. Now, I'm right in saying it all went wrong quite early on. Right, fairly early. Probably halfway through. Okay. Probably halfway through. So, talk us through what you did. So, you got out there, because I think you spent a few days out there kind of a climatising, meeting the people you were doing the climb with and... So, we basically got to Mendoza. We had a couple of days there with the team and then we started the check early on, so pretty much two days after we arrived. We had just whole one day and we then spent a few days in low camp and We did some acclimatisation there. It was going really well And I was like wow, you know because I change so much and you will have no Fatigue at all, you know, I could walk it was perfect. We got We were basically sleeping in a three and a half thousand. I had no headache nothing normally I would get headache or in three and a half. We then walked to 4,000. I was absolutely on the top of form. It was incredible. - And just to put it in context, where was the peak? How tall was the peak? - 6.9. - Okay, wow. - Yeah, so we were basically about halfway through. - Amazing, just cross halfway. - And it was amazing. And so I was really, really up for it. I then started developing quite bad stomach issues. I got some stomach back and anything that I ate just went straight through to the point that I have requested to go on a veggie diet to make sure that the meat is not causing anything. It was very challenging and I started losing a little bit of energy, not obviously fitness or anything. and then we went to Bay Scam. And I walked to Bay Scam, it was like 18K high, 1000 meters ascent, which is a lot. - That's a lot. - Already at 4,000, right? So that was taking you from 4,000 to 5,000. - It was taking us from three and a half because 4,000 was just acclimatisation and back to four and a half. - Okay, so three and a half to four and a half. - Two to four and a half. - But 18K. - 18K. - So nearly a half-marathon. It was almost a half-marathon, but remember 1000 meters ascent. A 1000 meters ascent at altitude. At altitude. Yeah. And it was supposed to be about 10 to 12 hours hike. Jesus. And we were basically, we did it over 8 hours, which behind side I don't think that was... So you think it just went too hard maybe? I think we went as a group. I was obviously leading. you know, we had guides and everything. So they dictated the pace. But I think it might have been just too fast. But I did it with my stomach problem. Then during the lunch, I found out they didn't pack me the veggie lunch that it was meaty something. I couldn't eat it. So I had just my muesli bars and energy gels. And trying to eat the food of giant bread. - Which energy gels aren't great for your stomach No, no. So I basically got on the two base camp basically on Musli bars and energy gels. On an epic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was I was knackered, but went to bed. I had quite headache. I didn't feel well and to bed. It was all fine. The next day was like resting, acclimatisation. Everything was fine for a couple of days. And then I went to bed because we were kind of like acclimatising, acclimatising in base camp and we were doing books and everything. And the next day I was going to bed and you know when you when you go to sleep and then I started hearing this like crackling in my throat and I'm like oh dear what is that? You know it was quite... it scared me and I'm like so I was like lying in the bed for two hours couldn't fall asleep, you know, the weather was turning a bit bad. So I went to see at 11pm mountain leader and he said, you look okay, how do you feel? I said, feel fine, but every time I take a deep breath, it's like this cracking. Anyway, basically, woke up next day, really struggle to walk to the loo. Zero energy. Yeah, I kind of like, yeah, I had no energy. And it wasn't in my legs or anything, because as I said, you know, I felt I felt on the top of the war. But that day, we were going to come one to take some supplies. So we were going to to 5,000. It was a very steep, steep walk. So at that point, I almost didn't make it to the camp. I was feeling so bad. I thought I was having a heart attack because I was having pain from the left side to the shoulder. But the guys tested me and everything. I was fine. So let's just go slowly. Let's go slowly. We made it to the camp on the way down from camp because we just went again down to sleep, drop our stuff, you know, we were kind of like going up and down, up and down, up and down. Went back to, and when we were walking to base camp, I had to start walking separately from one of the leaders because I just couldn't, I felt so unwell. I just couldn't breathe even when I was walking down. Jesus. I told something you know me by now I don't get worried about my life very much But that was the first time ever I was thinking Gosh, is this it? Yeah, am I going to die? What a horrifying Horrifying you know headspace to find yourself and I'm seeing the camp at the bottom It wasn't that far and but you know in those mountains Some even like two or three kilometers is far. Yeah, yeah in those mountains, and I'm like Right shark up Okay, if this cannot be just it just yet, you know, you've got still quite a lot to accomplish in life You know, let's just get yourself down no matter what I love the fact as humans We start having this chat with ourselves like it's some sort of decision You're not gonna die now, you've got shit to do woman. Yeah, I don't know whether you've ever seen my presentation with the monkey, my monkey boob. The little monkey like toy I use for presentation. I don't think I've seen this one. Yeah, and basically use boob as your like monkey mind that always tells you nonsense. So I use boob a lot to kind of demonstrate people, you know. And so I had a boob telling me, you know, that said you are going to die and that I'm telling, "Oh no, you are not going to die. You have to get yourself down." Because I'm thinking, how they are going to take me here from that hill that is quite steep on helicopter and take me to the medical tenor to hospital, they would have to basically just fly above, send the ropes, tie me on the ropes and lift me. So, said, "Sarka, get yourself to the base camp." I was with the group leader. And the group leader was obviously preoccupied, but they are professionally trained, so they can't tell you anything and I'm telling him don't worry everything will be fine something good will come out of it You know, I think that he probably thought that I was starting to hallucinate or something because I was telling him to chill pretty much we Eventually got ourselves back to the camp and I ended up going to the medical tent They did like all the tests. They did also ECG because of my heart pain and everything They said, "Look, everything seems to be fine, but obviously we are quite preoccupied, so your rest, what are you doing tomorrow?" And said, "Well, we've got this acclimatisation high to another 5,000, it's quite challenging high." She said, "If you don't feel well, do not go. If you feel okay, go. But as soon as you start feeling, like you are feeling today, you have to stop and you have to come back." I will rely on your judgment and I'm okay. Went off that hike halfway through, it was clear that. - You weren't gonna be able to do that? - That I was not going to be able to do it. And it's not that I, again, I could walk, I just couldn't breathe, couldn't breathe. And it's nothing, it was nothing would I ever have ever experienced in terms of normal altitude sickness? It's different. It was something I was saying to, to, to my group leader, I said to him, look, Anjou, there is something fundamentally wrong. I don't know what is me. I feel that it's, you know, and he said, you decide, are we turning? And I said, well, you tell me. And he said, well, frankly, you won't be able to get even to the top of that hill and like how you are. So well, you know, I'm not going to put myself into life danger. - No. - And I'm not going to expose other people just because I'm being stubborn and egoistic, you know, because if you do these things, you have to think not only for yourself. - Oh, get yourself in trouble. They've then got to get you down the mountain. - You have to think about the team. You know, you really see on the mountains who is team player and who is not. - Yeah. - It's, I love my league. - But also the mind is a funny thing, right, as well. It's like, you know, like you said, doing the challenge you were doing, it's not like hiking through a country park or, you know, walking the peak district. It's, you know, you can't just be like, "Ah, shut up, Bob. Get on with it. We'll get through it." 'Cause you know you're generally safe. You know, you're up there in a wild, exposed environment. a whole different kettle of fish. It really is and that's I think when you see fatalities in those mountains this is when people may have pushed just a little bit too far and you have to be very, very mindful, very measured. Well a lot of stories you hear a lot of stories about that you say pushing too hard or people saying conditions don't look great maybe leave it on you know we're gonna go we'll be fine you know all that sort of stuff it's always kind of going against that better judgement. - Yeah, yeah. - But it's tricky, right? 'Cause I think when you, whenever you take on any epic challenge, whether it's work or personal charity or whatever, you know, I think when you've got that mindset that puts yourself in that situation in the first place, you've equally got that mindset of like, ah, don't be a pussy, shut up, you'll be fine. Get on with it. like, you know, sometimes you have to have that tough mentality that gets you through those situations. But this is different because you've got to be careful of tough mentality, like you said, can put you in danger, can put others in danger. Exactly. It's a really fine line. And I often, I probably am always a little bit less worried about myself because if I harm myself, it's only my responsibility, but it's the others. I'm always very mindful what impact does it have on others. Also what impact would it have on others if I die there? It would be a disaster. I've got my family, my father, my brother, my friends, my dog. It would be a disaster. We basically turned back and I went back to medical tent they did all the tests and everything and she comes back and the doctor and said I'm really sorry you've got to come down yeah I said what do you mean she said the trip is over you've got to come down and I'm like okay fine I'll just have dinner, pack up and tomorrow I might just walk down and she said no you're coming down now we called the helicopter you need to get on heli and was that kind of a bit of a moment where you suddenly realised how serious it was because like you said you were in your head like ah shit like challenge over yeah I'll select shut back down and then they're like no no no there's a helicopter coming for you right now that I mean that must have been quite sobering not still at that point because I'm thinking I was thinking they are just milking insurance insurance because you hear we did that scamming the bulls, isn't there? Is that scammer they were sending people down? Yeah, so you're kind of but I'm thinking well you know then I come back and the guys said well you know they wouldn't be sending helicopters like here. It's you have to come down. So a couple of my teammates packed me up and so we had... And had anyone else dropped out of the climb before that by then or because I remember you telling me was it like only one in two was it one in two or one in three One in three only one in three successfully complete the sun there in fact, so I mean when you told me that I mean that That for me instantly kind of put it in context like one in three people And the kind of people who are willing to put themselves up for a challenge like that I mean that's quite a mind-blowing Can I tell you that nobody from my team made it? No one. No one. Wow. It was a combination of just two exhausting people and there was there was a couple maybe one girl I think she would have made it but the weather So it was a combination of weather. That must be heartbreaking as well though to To see so many drop around you and be like no, I'm alright. I've got this and then the weather's like now you have Yeah, yeah, so that must be hard. So, look, let's get back to you. So, helicopter comes, gets you down to the hospital, get yourself in front of the doctors and I mentioned that's when it really kind of sinks in, when they tell you what's happening. Yeah, I think when it's sinked in and again they don't communicate with you very well, you know, I speak Italian so I try to converse with them, Spanish and Italian, they are a little bit similar. You know, it's probably like Czech and Polish. So you kind of get by if other party tries, you get the gist and then you get something. - Maybe not detailed, technical, medical terms and analysis. - No, no, no. But I suppose when it really started hitting was, I go down on helicopter, it was like from Top Gun, it was amazing. (laughs) Go down from heli. the ambulance comes, they put me into ambulance, they plug me straight onto oxygen, I'm like, okay, why do I need to be on oxygen? You know, because they said you have still your pain and I said I'm a little bit short of breath still, okay, plug me on the oxygen and they start like measuring me. And I think when it started hitting, when they took me to first hospital because I ended up In the next 48 hours I was in four different hospitals. Jesus Christ. So they took me from the helicopter by ambulance to a village hospital. It was called Uspalata. I was the attraction of the night because you know like mountain village hospital. Yeah. Nothing ever happens there. You know. You get just like emergencies because somebody just ate too much for dinner. You know these sort of things and then I end up there this like foreign girl. I wish that I could have had shower before. So you come in that mountain gear, you know, it still stinks. And they started measuring everything. And I think that time when I'm lying in the hospital in that village where I even didn't know where it was, I had to quickly check on my phone, holding onto my phone, you know, the live and my passport and everything and when the doctor came and said that my oxygen levels are too low still, they would have expected by now they would be normal and that he said we are going to keep you on the oxygen for a couple of hours because the plan was to bring me down from the mountain as soon as I'm down oxygen levels improves the taxi takes me to my hotel game over few days resting recovering it wasn't like that so my oxygen levels weren't improving so they kept me on the oxygen for a couple of hours then it improved so he unplugged me from oxygen and he said let's just wait for an hour if you're fine or send you home, if you are not fine, you have to go to hospital. I was without oxygen for an hour and my oxygen dropped to 90. If you know about oxygen levels, about oxygen saturation, if you are at normal level like here and your oxygen levels are 90, you have to go to A&E. It's life threatening on a normal level, not on high alcohol. I think like 85, 80 is fatal, right? Yeah. So basically, they plucked me back and said, "You've got to go for further investigation to Mendoza." So they sent ambulance, ambulance came, I'm lying there for about two or three hours until ambulance comes, ambulance comes around midnight. They shovel me onto another ambulance, keep me on oxygen. And then I'm driven for about two and a half hours to Mendoza, to a hospital where they are used studio with people who come from Aconca, a mountaineer climbers. So they did all the shabank of the-- - But then you ended up being bounced onto two more hospitals. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So basically-- - Is that kind of 'cause of aftercare or stuff? - Because I had episode in the hotel. - We had a seizure? - Kind of, some sort of fatal seizure. I couldn't breathe. - Right, which could have been a panic attack or whatever, but whatever was induced by-- I thought originally that it might be panic attack because knowing what I know, I was thinking maybe you are just getting the afterthought, you know, but I couldn't get out of it, I just could not breathe. So I rushed down, I was just about to check out of the hotel room, rushed down, grabbed my bag, rushed down. It was 24 hours after I was released from previous hospital. At that point, my insurance still didn't underwrite my medical expenses. They were still investigating. At that point, I still don't know whether my medical expenses will get paid. I just grabbed my handbag, ran downstairs, and the hotel manager just meant she was amazing. basically just pulled her car up, froze me in the car, takes a member of staff and drives and she drives through Mendoza like a gangster. She just stole the car like a deep thing driving on the road. Like an estate agent running late for evaluation. Exactly. Yes, exactly. Pedal to the metal. Yeah, so she just froze the car and just pulls over this screeching brakes and grabs me out of the car just... - The kindness of strangers, huh? - Ah, she was my angel. - Yeah. - She looked after me all that time. - Something I love. Do you watch Race Across the World? - Yes. - The series of movies? I love it. - Yes, yes. - I love the generosity of strangers. - Yeah. - I find that program fascinating and uplifting. - That's what happened to me in Argentina with her. Firstly, she gave me one night for free in the hotel because I was not brought from the hospital until 7am and I had night booked from the day before. Then she rushed me to the hospital, then she decided that she would look after me like my next of kin. She gave the hospital her number because then the representative of the travel company came and they did all the tests. she took me actually to the best private hospital. It was really cool because I'm lying there and you know, "Oh, we need to do this, this, that's fine, 50,000 pesos and all I'm doing, I'm lying, and I'm just tapping a max while my blood is being taken here, while they're plugging oxygen at me, and I'm just tapping a max, you know, every five minutes for some procedure. I think NHS has something to learn here." So they did all the tests and in the evening they told me that they need to keep me for the observation that there is something not quite the right that they would like to just observe whether it's just ma maybe something that is normal for me over the few days in my heart rate or whether it's a result of what just happened on the mountain and they said I said oh that's if I have to I have to and then they come back and said and we need 10,000 British Pounds deposit. So your insurer is still ticking about at this point? I call them again. They still are pushing it as fast as they can. That was like three days after I was taken down from the mountain. So what do you do? Well, you don't have choice to hear. I said I can't give 10,000 pounds to you. send me home. You will need to sign the voluntary release and some not doing that. They come back and said, "We are sending you to public care hospital." When I heard public care hospital in South America, I had tears in my eyes. I'm like, "Right." I said, "I don't want to go." They shovel me to this hospital for poor people. The treatment was atrocious. They treated me with such indignity. I didn't have even screens between me. It was mixed ward. I was perfectly able to go to toilet. I was not allowed to because somebody would have to actually take me off the machines and there was just too much work to do that for two minutes. So it was made to do my business on the bedpan in front of doctors and nurses and males without screens. and to top it up they stole my like a travel money that I had in the purse. Oh lovely. It was enclosed coronary unit. Oh joy so but got discharged from that and then then got released state and because my flight was only big later so I was thinking well I'm here underwriter still if didn't say what is what, you know, didn't approve whether they would pay for early flight. The joy of insurance companies. So I was thinking, you know what, I'm just going to stay here and recover here and I'll just make the most out of the time that I've got. And you said, I remember you posting, like you were exhausted. I was exhausted. You were just. I was, you know, I started obviously immediately like walking and doing things very, you know, very easy. My biggest success was a three kilometer walk to a park that was on the bed. For a minute I thought you were going to say to a pub. That's where I thought that was going. To a park. Very sensible. To a park. Well the pubs were there as well. And think is, I couldn't do the normal things. I had a meal, I had dinner, and I was exhausted. - Exhausted. - Because just eating that dinner, eating food, requires oxygen. And it exhausted me so much that I had to go and have sleep. - Yeah. - It was like that pretty much, and then slowly, I was like recovering. - And this is carried on, right? It's just taking you a while since you've been back, because it wasn't just that week, it's taken you? - It took me, I would think, it's three months since it happened and about two, three weeks ago, I started feeling fully back to normal. And I've been obviously training again, but everything very slowly, you know, so too. Now I finally feel okay, so I started pushing that. So, physically, I feel I am back to normal. emotionally I squared with everything as well. This is one thing that I would like to kind of point out because a lot of times people are really underestimated the impact of completing the challenge because when you are gearing towards the challenge. - Yeah, you spend months, weeks, months, hours. - You spend months of training. And all your life is around it. not surely what happens with body, body is, you are high on adrenaline. - Well, you build everything around it, right? - You build everything around it. - So everything is your life. - It's your purpose, it's your reason, it's your, yeah. - Exactly. And then you finish that, and I was always preparing myself for the countdown because I've experienced the countdowns a few times. And you finish it, and then you are now what? what I am going to do, everything has, what is next, everything has finished, you know, what is my purpose now, you know, and then people move on, everybody has good busy life, everybody moves on, so all of a sudden you don't have that community and then you are, so this is really important that people actually learn to manage it, that's why if you look at professional athletes and they have their coaches, the coaches actually coach them down to the event. There needs to be the event of rest and assessment and recreating purpose. So I have just gone through that myself with the support of friends in last two, three months because also I didn't complete this successfully the way I wanted. And that's hard. That's hard. And this is really hard, you know. So I will not even go into how I felt as a failure, even though that cognitively I know I am not, that there was always chance only 30%. - Russian now has got fuck all to do with it, right? It's not, there is no rush after that. I can very much, obviously I've not been through anything terrifying where I thought I was gonna die, But I can very much identify with that obsessive work towards something. Anne and I used to do triathlons. Has this ever done, I do not anymore. But Anne and I used to do triathlons together. And how long ago was it now? I think it was 15 years ago now. I had decided I was gonna go and do a half Ironman. and spent months, spent an entire season gearing up to do this half Ironman event, which was the last event of the calendar year in the UK. Trained like a beast. I was training 60 hours a week. - Wow. - Yeah. - It's like full time. - Yeah, like, mate, I was training twice a day. Basically, train in the morning, do work, train after work. And then Saturday and Sunday. Saturday was a big ride, Sunday was a big run. Yeah, did that for months. And three days before the race, I got a chest infection. - You must have been devastated. - Yeah, I mean, literally, like, you know, like you were saying, I kept on saying to myself, I was like, fuck it, I'll turn up. I'm not gonna get the result I thought, but I'm gonna turn up and I'll finish it. And I think it was a day or two before I was meant to head off to the race. and I was living in a house in Enfield at the time, which was like three stories and our bedroom was on the top floor. And I went to go and get something from my bedroom and by the time I got to the top floor, I was out of breath. I was, you know, some of the things you talked about that out of breath, that exhaustion. - Yes. - And I was like, what the fuck? I can't go and do this. Like I can't even climb three flights of stairs. And that literally was when I stopped doing triathlons. Like that really screwed my head. I'd trained hard for like five, six, seven years. I'd never been interested in endurance athletics. I loved my sport, but it was all power sprinting, all that sort of stuff. And it was a really interesting journey, getting into trying to do endurance sports. I wasn't good, but I got into like enjoying the mindset of it and the challenge of it. but that really messed me up for like months. So like I stopped training, I haven't done a triathlon since, I stopped training with my trainer who'd been training me for like seven years. And yeah, it really that self perception of failure. And it's not necessarily the failure you focus on, but you've spent so much time and effort focusing on this singular outcome. And when you don't get any kind of, you know, I think you'd prepared yourself for the possibility you might not make the very top, but I think in your head you were like, I'm going to get fucking close. Yeah, yeah, in my in my head, it was that I get at least higher than I have ever gone, which obviously didn't happen. And so disappointment with myself, then you go through the review, are reviewing what could I have done better? Is there anything that I could have done differently than you go through the loop of self-assessing and you find out no you probably didn't? Can you nitpick, right? You find those little things, I skip that meal, I skip that session. Yeah, yeah, and you need to come, you need to come to understand that this is how it was meant to be. You know, I'm, I'm believe or not, I'm very commercial person, but I'm also quite spiritual in a way that you just can't push what is not there for you. What is there for you will not go by you and I think that from so-called failures they are not failure, they are feedback. There's lessons. There are lessons, something is giving you feedback. It's easy to say but they're lessons. It is and these lessons in life whether it's something happens in your work, in your personal life or whether it's sporting events, they either can make you or break you and that choice is yours. Yeah and I think you'll probably identify with this as well. It's much easier to be nice to other people than it is to be nice to ourselves. Absolutely. You know, I will back anyone, I will support anyone and reassure them that everything they've done is everything they could have done and blah blah blah. I'm not that kind to myself and I'm sure you're probably the same. I think it's very common trait. But look, so let's let's turn this now into a positive frame of things because you're getting upset. Oh no, I've had an emotional day. I've been, yeah, but so let's turn it around now. So now I want to hug you. It's alright, we'll tuck into your special gym in a minute and then everything's gonna be fine. We've got the good check stuff, it's gonna get serious after this. But no shocker, let's focus on a couple of the good things, right? Let's round this up with a couple of the good things because it's really important everyone understands what you've gone through. I'm always a glass half full guy and I think we acknowledge the struggles and the failures and the lessons, however you want to frame it, but I always like to focus on the positive things that come out these things at the end. So, let's first of all talk about how... Because it feels like talking to you, you've learnt a lot this last three four months, and it feels like actually, as hard as it's been, you're probably in a stronger, healthier mental space now, As a result of going through this shit, right? That's for sure because this is first time that I have not submitted Mountain that I said myself to summit first time ever and Actually, one thing that I learned through various failures in life is that when you are and I was thinking about it today When I was coming here When you are honest with yourself and with others You become so free Emotionally, yeah, you have emotional freedom if you can come and say if I can come and say Christian I completely fucked up. Yeah, rather than trying to cover up or I have not done this I have not achieved it not in a not in a needy or look at poor me way, but in a way look Has not gone through to the plan island I move on when you have something like this When you develop the mindset like this, then you get such freedom Because people cannot throw the stones at you Yeah And you don't mind because you know that you've done the best you can and actually if I look at it Somebody very close in my circles told me Sharca. This was your most successful failure Yeah, I like that I best failure yet the best failure yet because The money, the backing that I received in the industry, it's so humbling. I never expected to receive so much support and to be sponsored on the level I have. So before we get to the money, because I do want us to end with where you got to with the money, but just to talk about, you know, like I said, these three months. So we've talked about where you've come, mental head space wise, but it feels like there have been a handful of key people who have hovered around you over these last three, four months and just checked in on you, checked in with you, held you to account, picked you up when you needed it, told you to stop being a fucking idiot when you needed it. - Exactly. So who are the superstars? So my three superstars in the industry that you probably know were Megan, Harry and Mike. They really stood by me like on the mountain after the mountain. They were absolutely incredible. And then outside the industry, who else stood by you? And outside of the industry, I've got friends, I've got my friend Claire, I've got my family, my brother, my dad, they've always stood by myself. And the thing is, I kind of almost don't want to name people for the sake of naming, because there are loads of people. And you know, anyone who's been missed off. And I don't want just, oh, Sharca didn't mention my name. No, exactly. There are other people. There are other people, many other people who've been checking in with me, you know. And... But isn't it lovely, isn't it reassuring to know that you've got these people? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like you guys as well, you know, you've been amazing. I had few exchanges with yourselves in the last few months and it's been just really, really incredible. I've kept in touch also with a couple of guys with Andy and Elena, they were kind of my mates there and we are keeping in touch. And I think that's pretty much it. But emotionally it was challenging. I'll tell you the secret, it won't be secret when I say it now because it will be on the podcast. The secret is out. But I was like, I was not worried that's wrong or, but I didn't want to go back. I was thinking, how am I going to face all these people who supported me, who sponsored my trip, like sponsored, who basically, because all the money, all the money that was raised went to property market trust. But people wanted to see me on the top of the mountain somebody actually sat on one of my socials, we often sponsor people to do challenges and we don't realize that sometimes these challenges are so hard that they might not actually complete the challenge. And I had to really take my own medicine, like if I quote somebody, if I train somebody, if I speak or support somebody, I tell them don't be hard on yourself. - We support you through the effort, right? - Yeah. - It's not the outcome, it's the effort. - It's not the outcome, it's what you've done and I had three main goals with this expedition. The goal number one was to raise money for property market trust and they are not in any particular order. The second goal was to create a awareness of property market trust to make sure that people actually understand what property market trust does, how they can help and what people can do to support the trust. and third one to summit the mountain. So actually if you think about it, two out of three is the same like there is there is 30% chance of submitting the mountain. I basically achieved the other 60% of whatever I wanted. So from that perspective if we flip it on the other side it was great success. Exactly and so you're talking about great success. I'm all right saying your original goal was to raise 10,000? Yes. And where did we end up in the end? 25,000 and I think it was 25,184. Wow. Yes, that's what it's about. And that will support many, many people who need it. No, you said you know property might trust not enough people are aware what it is and what it does. You've done an amazing job on raising its profile. And yeah, well I think it's a lovely place to end up. Thanks for coming today. Thanks for sharing your story. Thank you. Thank you. Give me a hug. And now, now it's time for Check Jin. Check Jin and lunch. We rise. Thanks for coming in. Guys thanks for joining us. If you haven't donated to Sarka, because I think you still can. If you don't know much about the Propertymark Trust yet, why don't you find out more it's amazing and yeah join us next time