Burn-Break&Become Unstoppable B3u
“Welcome to B3U, the podcast where we will always speak our truths by Burning pains of the past, Breaking the broken mindset and Becoming Unstoppable, reclaim power all while walking into our purpose . I’m Bree and if you’re here today, you or someone you love has likely faced the dark reality of abuse. First, let me say this—you are not broken. You are not defined by what happened to you. You are here, and that means there is hope, strength, and a future waiting for you.
Here we will be diving into the journey of healing. We’ll talk about the aftermath of abuse, how to reclaim your voice, and the steps toward true freedom and find your purpose . Whether you’re just beginning to process your experience or you’re deep into your healing journey, this podcast is for you!
Burn-Break&Become Unstoppable B3u
Episode 2: Healed But Not Hidden
Monica S. is a courageous woman who shares her powerful journey through unimaginable trauma and strength it took to survive. With raw honesty, Monica opens up about the events that change her life, the pain she carries and the long winding road of healing and rediscovery.
Welcome, welcome everyone. Welcome to B3U. It's another, yet another exciting interview with another piece of my heart, my beloved sister in arms, my sister period, miss Monica Smith, and I thank her for being on this show. So welcome, welcome, welcome, monica.
Speaker 2:Thank you, bree, yes. Thank you, it's so good to see you and just be able to do this interview with you. I'm very honored to have the opportunity to do it, so thank you. You'm very honored to have the opportunity to do it, so thank you, you are most, most welcome.
Speaker 1:Look, this woman here is an amazing, amazing woman, so we're going to get right into it. She is a retired, retired Army veteran, mother of four and counting four, and counting my wonderful, most loved brother, another piece of my heart. And so, monica, I'm going to open it up for you, to just give the audience a little bit about yourself more than what I've given my right.
Speaker 2:Okay, so, as Bree said, I am retired Army. I retired as a first sergeant. I retired in 2023. From that point, I ventured into another career, working with, initially with Department of Energy and then transitioning over to the National Nuclear Security Administration. So I've been doing that job roughly almost a year a little over a year and a half now. I also started a business, altway LLC, in 2020. I know right, it's crazy. I started that business in August of 2023. And since the inception of that business, my company has helped over 500 families either pay bills or plan vacations or mentor whatever. You know, what we do is we just like to support our community and give back to our I like to not call them underprivileged, but underserved portions of our community. So, yes, that's what I do, and also an author?
Speaker 1:am I correct?
Speaker 2:Yes, I am an author. I did, uh well, I co-authored a book, uh, in 2023, november 2023, and I'm actually working on right now a children's book and, uh, my uh by a mini bio series. So, hopefully, I've been working on this bio series since I was a teenager. So when this does come out, it's going to be a huge release and it's going to give people insight into who I am and why I do the things I do and why I think the way I do, and how I was able to overcome a lot of the traumatic experiences that I've been through throughout my lifetime.
Speaker 1:Okay, Well, with that. B3u is about burning, breaking and becoming unstoppable and creating a successful, purposeful life. So can you tell us a little bit about your story and the trauma that you've overcame?
Speaker 2:Okay, so I wouldn't call my trauma something that I've overcome. It is something that I feel like I heal a little portion of me every day, but it's not something that I could truly overcome or truly heal from. It's just something that I learned to live with and just learn to navigate life, while accepting the experience and learning from it and taking it moving forward. So I use it to force me forward in everything that I do. And one of those traumas is so Bree. Throughout my life I've been.
Speaker 2:I was sexually molested by my dad. I had a kid for him when I was 15. I was raped when I was in the military in South Korea in 2002. And no, a kid did not come from that. But literally I was in a relationship. So that kind of had some. There was some tug of war with my then he wasn't even a boyfriend. He was more like a supposed to be a one night stand kind of relationship type thing, right so, but that caused a little tug of war there.
Speaker 2:And then there's just different traumas that I've experienced, but one of the traumas that I do want to talk about is the one where I had to accept my daughter not wanting to be a part of my life, that my second daughter not wanting to be a part of my life.
Speaker 2:That experience is one that I wouldn't wish on anyone, and she had her reasons and I respect her reasons for it. But it is one of the things that has been more traumatic for me than anything else that I've experienced in my life, because, no matter what I do as a parent, everything I've done was to protect them and to raise them out of love. But reality is, through many, many therapies, I've learned that what I considered love, what I learned what love was, wasn't truly love. It was really surviving. So I didn't give them the love that they needed. I gave them the ability to survive, and that in itself not understanding it, being so young caused a huge rift in who I am and who she was, and then the relationship that we could have had. So, yes, that's the trauma that I want to talk about today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes look as a parent. It's hard being a parent period, but this is what is. Was there a specific moment that you realize that you're sometimes you're not surviving? Do you find yourself just like, how are you in your every day, like life? Because for me, like I tell people all the time for me and the same with you, but I have to get up every morning, every morning, and pour into myself and stop looking for people to pour in me or whatever every morning, it is a daily struggle, or it of surviving, like, okay, this is what I need to do, this is what I'm going to do. I got to make it happen and other than lay around in this bed and trauma, whether it be physical or emotional, and, like you said, you really never get through it. You never get. Let's let's just say you never get over it, yeah, but you do continue to push through it right, that's what I wanted to.
Speaker 1:That's the kind of thing that I want to, uh, tell our audiences is that you never really get over it, but you do strive to continue to get through it. So was there a moment that you realized you wasn't?
Speaker 2:surviving. It was, and it was at a very, very, very young age. So when I was molested, it started when I was like I don't think I was old enough to even I don't think I was more than like four years old when it started. That I can remember, but I do remember feeling like I was less than and not a part of. I felt like the people that were supposed to be protectors of me were really not there. They were very hands off off and the people that the family members that knew about it that didn't do anything. I really didn't hold any ill will towards them, but I also didn't understand that it was wrong in that moment.
Speaker 2:But I knew as I got older, I knew I needed something to hold on to and that something that I held on to was God's word. Because no matter what I grew up in, church I was, I was. I grew up on my dad's side they were Catholic, on my mom's side they were Baptist. And then I went to a Pentecostal church. So I had church, Okay, we churched a lot Okay, and that was like my safe church was my safe haven. That is where I went. And so when, when they poured the word into my listen at a very young age. I listened to what was said and then I held on to it. So I held on to hope because God gave me that hope. He was the only consistent thing in my life that never hurt me. So yeah, that's what I've held on.
Speaker 1:That's right. Look, speak about it, okay, look, some people don't believe that there is a guy, and when I see or I hear this type of uh talk from people, I go because I know what, without a shadow of a doubt. He saved me.
Speaker 2:He saved me listen, brie, it was moments where, um, I I got it got really, really dark for me, um, and not just one or two either. I'm talking like they were, like you were saying, when you have to consistently show up for yourself every day. Even with god in my life, I still had those moments, but one of the still consistent thing was he will never leave me or forsake me, and he didn't. All those things that happened to me, I didn't hold like anger towards my dad or anybody for it. I just didn't have any anger in me for it. But what I did have was compassion. But what I did have was compassion. I was compassionate about the situation itself, because there's a part of the people that were supposed to protect me that were not protected themselves. So who am I, who am I to tell them what they should have, could have, would have done when I myself wasn't old enough to understand? So I didn't hold any ill will towards them, but one of the things I did strive for is really, once my dad went to jail when everything was found out, I really still I had this kid, this baby, and I was afraid because I was like, oh my God, what happens now? What's next and it was one of those things where I was. It was my junior senior.
Speaker 2:Between my junior senior year, I went into foster care with my daughter.
Speaker 2:I'm in foster care and I'm like, oh my God, okay, I got these people telling me you need to do this, you need to do that, all the things that I need to do. But they weren't aligned with the vision that God gave me for my life. So I was I wasn't rebellious, but I was. I heard them, but I kind of pushed them to the side because what they wanted me to do is, uh, they wanted me to perform for their church and I was like, no, this is not, this is not of God, this is not what god told me to do. So I stood, I stood fast, um, and really just held on to god's word. And that's what really got me through a lot of those dark moments, a lot of the moments of, uh, I had suicide ideations, I had suicide attempts. They were not successful because God had a bigger plan for me and once God gave me my vision, there was nothing or no one that was going to interfere with that. I didn't care who you were.
Speaker 1:So yeah, now that's right. So look, one of the things like, as women, it's already hard being a woman, black woman, especially coming in the world. So tell me how, because I you know for me like yes, trauma, join the military and then you're walking into another. Tell me how you dealt with what you already been through and then you go into the military and you try to get through that. How was the 21 years? You said Uh-huh, how was that 21?
Speaker 2:years, 23. 23. I don't want to take none away. We got to give you those years. Yeah, give me those, because that experience was something else.
Speaker 1:How did you survive? You already was a soldier before you went in. I tell everybody that the military is not for the weak. You have to be a special kind of person to make it through, and especially to do 23 years. So let's talk a little bit about the military.
Speaker 2:Gotcha. So I want to back it up a little bit, because from ninth grade to 11th grade I was in JROTC. Okay, that was another outlet for me. Okay, that was another positions of opportunity. So when I was in jr otc I rode through the ranks real fast, right. So I was leading, I was leading my school's jr otc, uh, in 10th grade. So, um, for me it was more so of, uh, I knew what I wanted to do because this was my outlet to get away. Right, this was, this was to get me away. Um, the the.
Speaker 2:The bad thing is I went into foster care. But the good thing was that I went into foster care because that gave me an opportunity to leave my baby with safe people that I knew she was going to be safe with. Now, they were not the greatest, but they were safe. So, so once I joined the military, I went to Korea and that's where I was raped at. I took that experience. Kind of like I took the same experience, same approach to the experience with my dad is the people that were there supposed to protect me did not protect me.
Speaker 2:When that happened, the army did not have a sexual assault awareness program at all. When that happened. The Army did not have a sexual assault awareness program at all At all. So they sent me to the EOA and the EOA sent me over to the IG and the IG sent me over to 121 Hospital, young Son in Korea. And then I get to the hospital and they say, well, we don't know what to do with you.
Speaker 2:So they did check my vitals and sent me back home. So I had to go back. I had to go back to the room and face and still have to work and see my perpetrator on a daily basis. So having to deal with that was kind of like having to deal with my dad, having to see him every day and really have to, you know, put myself in a place of authority. So one of the things that God gave me was a divine authority. That was one of the things. When I was younger he gave me divine authority. So I use that authority that he gave me to really pick myself up and keep pushing.
Speaker 1:Awesome. So what was the most surprising part of your healing process? You're coming into the healing.
Speaker 2:Really learning my voice. Yes, learning my voice, it's learning my voice and really recognizing who was looking back at me in the mirror. That was hard, because I went my whole life being silenced. Yes, it was a huge secret, like you can't tell anybody. If you do, then they're gonna put you in foster care. Are they gonna put you in jail? Are they gonna put me in jail and you know what's gonna happen to you then. Don't, nobody want you, you know. You know. All these things are still going through my mind, but when I tell you suppressed, suppressed, it was divine authority suppressing it, so I never let that thing. I let it, I heard it, but I never let it resonate with me. So that was one of the things. And one of the things where I learned my voice was last year, july 7th, 2024.
Speaker 2:We threw my mom a 70th birthday party and I was just so excited to be there. Now this is a few months after my I don't know. About a year after my daughter decided she wanted nothing else to do with the family, and we were okay. About a year after my daughter decided she wanted nothing else to do with the family and we were okay. Um, it was just one of those things where it was. You know we're going to respect your space and you know we're going to continue living life. Well, um, she showed up to the party. No problem. I just told my other kids, I say, you guys, wherever she goes, you go the opposite of her. Just just stay away from her, let her do her thing. And you guys, we have to be able to really make peace with what's happening, because this is real, this is her wishes and we're gonna respect it.
Speaker 2:Long story short um, my two middle kids got into an altercation and, instead of my mom stepping in to mediate the situation, she encouraged it. She encouraged it. And that day, after years of begging for a relationship, years of really understanding, really understanding, really trying to accept, you know who she is, because I had this ideal in my mind of who I wanted my mom to be, who I needed her to be, um, but I had to accept last year that she would never be that and that was a hard pill to swallow. And in that moment, a hard pill to swallow and in that moment, that was the forcing function for it. Okay, I love you, but right in this moment, I am going to grieve you and when I hang this phone up, I will never speak to you again. And I had to really accept that who I wanted and who I needed would never be. That person for me would never be a safe person for me. I should have known I mean years and years of years of not being protected. It was like it all came flooding back to me in that moment that, okay, monica, your mama knew what was going on. When you was a child she left you there. I had never thought that Bree, never thought that I was like, and it wasn't until then that it just registered like whoa. This person really abandoned me.
Speaker 2:In these years after I joined the military, I've been begging for this relationship and it's been solely transactional, solely transactional, and when I say transactional I mean financial transactional, and when I say transactional I'm meaning financial. When I joined the military, my mom she, after I pulled my, after my daughter was released from foster care, she went with my mom and my mom had her. So we had a joint account. That whole first year in army, probably first year and a half of my military career I don't think I saw more than a hundred dollars out of my whole paychecks total, um, and I accepted it because she had my kids. I was like you know, I'll, I'll go without so that my baby can be taken care of. So I get to my second duty station and when I get get there I tell my NCO a matter of fact correction I didn't tell him we had a hell and farewell, you know, when we grieved and released.
Speaker 2:So to my unit right, we go to this Mexican restaurant and they serve chips and you get the water for free, right, the chips and salsa. So everybody at the table order food and my, my NC. It was like, hey, you want something to eat? I was like, no, I'm full, I'm not hungry. But man, you should have said I was tearing them chips up, girl, I was tearing them up. He was like we got back to the unit that day after lunch. We got back, he pulled me in the office and he said, oh, hell, no, what's going on? And I just unloaded on him. I just let it all out. It felt like such a relief to get it out. So he went to my commander that afternoon. They had my orders changed within a week, added my daughter to my orders, got me housed on a post, yeah, helped me get a car the whole night. So at that point I was 100% invested, no matter or therapy, in the military or spiritual play or anything that was assisting in your breakthrough.
Speaker 2:I think just having somebody care, just having somebody care, I think that's what we all need. We all need somebody to care about us, and we're looking for somebody to really just care about us somebody to just care. Somebody to say, here I am, here's the thing, but it not be transactional right, but it not be transactional or something behind it right?
Speaker 2:no, no, nothing nefarious, just you know, just care genuinely about me. And I felt that when I was, when I got to my second duty station, my NCOs was all on top of it. I could say I ain't cut my grass because they cut the grass. They just, they really just took care of me, my whole command team. So, yeah, I would I tell anybody if you having a rough time at home, go on the military, go on in there because you're having a rough time at home. Go in the military, go on in there Because you're going to get a paycheck. That's definitely going to happen. You're going to have medical, dental, the whole nine. And I needed that for stability for my kid.
Speaker 1:Right, I do the same thing, but I kind of slowed back. As you know, my youngest son is now in the military. I fear for him because it's like man. You know, I'm the one who, just like you said, I'm just telling people look see what the military did for me. If you, you know, if you don't have everybody is not college, you know college material, everybody, everybody is not. But find something. If you're in a situation, if you want to get out military college something, find something. So it's just encouraging people every day. But, like you said, military was one, and maybe not too much today, but it is one that I do say did help a lot of it.
Speaker 2:But you know what, Bree, I will say this no matter the political climate, right? No matter the political climate, regardless of what decisions were made up top, you know, those things were up there when I was a junior soldier, or even when I was a junior NCO, those things were handled up at the Congress presidential type level, right? That stuff didn't trickle down to us until I got to being a senior NCO. Then I started seeing the effects of what the decisions made at top can have for the people on the bottom. But outside of that, I equivate it to being a civilian right? You can die in the military, you can die on the streets. You can die on the streets. So the way I've seen it is you know, just keep foraging. Don't allow fear to make you hesitate on your goal. Just keep pushing.
Speaker 1:That's true, you know, I will agree with that. Fear and doubt are things that keep you back. And I remember when 9-11 kicked off and I was like planes was flying and sirens was going off and I was like what the hell? And then we got back and it was like they were talking about, oh yeah, we're getting ready to deploy and go to war. And the first thing I was like, oh my God, I'm going to die. And then you know, when the time came, I mean, we did all the training, we did it, but it's a mindset change.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:You have to put that fear and that doubt behind you, because at that moment I had my five babies and I said to myself 2004, all right, let me tell you something Now.
Speaker 2:I had to put that street soldier from West Philly on the forefront.
Speaker 1:I said to my look, I ain't come here to die. I didn't come here to die for nobody because, first of all, what'd they do? I don't even know what they did. I joined the military for a career, for a better life. Again, I was running from something. So I totally, totally agree with you on it. It's a mindset and you just have to put that fear and doubt, because I meant that I was coming back home, because I ain't dying for nobody, especially when I ain't doing nothing.
Speaker 2:Well, here's the thing, bree. Here's where I differ a little bit. I was willing to die, oh wow, I was willing. I was willing. I'm going to tell you why I was willing to die. Please tell me.
Speaker 2:I got to hear this one. These people have shown me so much love and so much compassion. It wasn't about what they was doing at the top, that didn't rattle me at all, but it was what they was doing at my level and right above my level, what they were doing to take care of me. So what they were doing is they were training me to go to war. They made sure I had a will in place. Right, I had life insurance in place. I had beneficiaries in place. I had beneficiaries in place. I had everything lined up. They helped me map it. So, if I died, I knew my baby and my siblings. When I say siblings, I'm talking about the three younger ones, because the older ones, they were well into their careers. But them three younger ones, those were my babies. Right, I knew that they were going to be taken care of and that was what helped me. It gave me ease because I knew they would have financial stability to help my daughter.
Speaker 1:That is awesome. Do you believe there was a deeper why behind everything you went through from childhood and military? Do you believe there was a deeper why?
Speaker 2:yes, because I I feel like um, now, my dad was a a shit person for what he did to me. Can I say shit, I'm sorry, girl this is youtube and podcast tubing, podcast Shit fire.
Speaker 1:Go ahead, girl.
Speaker 2:He was a shit person. But, brie, let me tell you about this, and this is why I'm able to separate the good and the bad out of people. The values that I have, the work ethics, all that, that was him. That was all him. He taught us how to change, how to rebuild a dang on motor okay, and the vehicle. We learned how to build, dang on sheds. We learned a whole lot from this man. He gave us qualities that we otherwise would not have gotten. So, yes, he was a shit person for what he did, but the values that he gave me, those core values, that breed, they were untouchable. They were untouchable. So, no matter how I had to, I really appreciate the values that he gave me. I hate what he did, but I appreciate the values.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree with that too, If it wasn't for the abuse and the trauma in my life. That's why I say everything that happens in our lives is building blocks. Everything is building blocks. And so what would you say to someone who feels like their pain has no reason, no meaning, or their lives have no meaning because there are, and that's the reason, again, I say for us to come together would be for you there. I'm sure that there are people, men, men and young men and young women all over the globe who have experienced something similar or something different or whatever. So what would you say to that person who feels like their pain has no meaning, like they'll never make it nowhere, they'll never get nowhere?
Speaker 2:So there is. If you are God-fearing and if you truly, if you believe in God and you know he has a plan for your life, then there's a purpose for you. And that purpose is not it's not always, it's not always going to be the same purpose. It'll change. So it's already written. God already knew these things were going to happen to us and but they didn't happen to us. They happened for us so that we can be a vessel for somebody else.
Speaker 2:So everything I experienced, had I not learned how to not just go through things, but how to grow through things, had I not learned how to do that, then I couldn't mentor at-risk youth. I couldn't mentor my own kids. I couldn't mentor the people I work with. I couldn't build people and help them be better than them. I couldn't do those things had I not experienced all those horrible things. Right, you won't see a diamond just outside at its natural state without going through something. Right, it's pressurized. It's a lot of pressure that happens to build that diamonds created, Right, Right. So in order to shine, you got to get through that pressure. You got to get that pressure. Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1:But so there's me and you. Ok, again I would say similar story. You know, I was born a Catholic, raised the Baptist, then my mother decided to marry an Islam. You know, lord have mercy. So but people like us, ok, we were born into that belief of something. Born into that belief of something. What about for those who don't believe, who believe in science, or to believe that some? Honestly, I talk to some young people and they just don't like look, even my baby girl, my youngest baby girl and I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't understand, because I took them to church. I had my children in church, son up, son down, you know what I mean. And then you know she did it. I won't say that she's, she's transitioning now. But what do we say to these young people who don't believe that in a spirituality? What do we say to them? How can we make them understand?
Speaker 2:If they don't believe in God, they believe in something Right, they believe in something, and so, whatever they believe in, that's what we give them hope to hold on. To Hold on to what you believe Because, no matter, the sun come up every single day. Yes, it does, and we have ways to explain it through science, we have ways to explain it through the physical portions of it. We got all the ways to explain it, but everybody has a different thought on how it come up.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, whatever you believe in, whatever that is, hold on to it, hold on. Hold on to it, just hold on because you know, regardless of what happens, that's your hope right there and that's what's going to help you get through. And one of the things that I did is when I was going through all my and this is why I have a mini bio series I'm working on is because as a teen, I just took the writing, I wrote, I wrote, I got I have tablets, kind of tablets like notebooks. Yeah, I got I mean probably 60 plus notebooks of just journals from when I was a child, all the way through my adult life. All of that stuff is there and it just and I can go back to it and I can see where what was happening. I could read that moment and understand now what was happening in my head in that moment. And then when I hit a moment, when I hit another stalemate, another wall, I used one of those moments to jump that hurdle to get over it. So just hold on to hope, hold on over it.
Speaker 1:So just hold on to hope, hold on to it. And one thing I say is you know, if you don't have something to believe in, believe in yourself, believe in yourself and, like, do a deep dig with yourself, like really just take the time to sit down and say what am I worth? It got to be something better than this, because that's what I would do, I would like even though I was defeated mentally, you know, because I suffered a lot of mental abuse and it's like I had to sit down like this ain't I know that, this ain't it, this, this, this is not it, this is not it. So that's another thing that I've said to people who, like, don't believe or don't know which way to turn, or whatever and I love your thing about the books, and so is that a way that you protect your peace and energy now? How do you protect your peace and energy now? How do you protect your peace and energy?
Speaker 2:I don't protect my peace Bree at all. I don't protect my peace at all because I know who protects my peace. It's not for me to protect. So one of the things that I had to learn about myself and I like what you said when you said reach back into you, you know, pour into you. It's hard to pour into you when you're an imposter to yourself.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So I had to. There were times where so you remember in the army when you was learning drilling ceremony, and they would say column left or something like that, and you would kind of like, blink, uh, they would say column left or something like this and you would kind of like blink and you gotta go right or something right rock in your hand, to put that rock or something in your hand, say, okay, just follow the rock right.
Speaker 2:so, um, for years and I mean years, I'm talking about even into way into my adulthood for years I was suffering from imposter syndrome for real, because I had created this image of who I thought I was, and it was a lie. It was a lie, bri. It was a lie. I would tell people like oh, you know my family, I come from a good family, we love each other, all these things right. That's what I hoped for.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But I was an imposter to myself so I couldn't pour into me because I didn't know who I was. So I would, if I had to lean on that rock.
Speaker 1:If I had to lean on that rock, that's what I was leaning master for, oh, 20, but 20 January, um, I realized that I was I, I couldn't take no more. You know, sometimes when we're going through things and we dust ourself off, we get back up, but sometimes it comes a point where I just can't no more, I can't dust myself. So 2023, 2024, I would say January, I said enough is enough. So I do relate to that. And you know, if you was your younger self and you were still stuck in a pain and you could hear yourself now, you could see yourself now, what would you say to that little girl?
Speaker 2:Feel all of it. Feel it, yeah, feel it, no matter how much it hurt. Feel it, go through it, let it resonate with you.
Speaker 1:Is that something that you would say to younger people now who don't see their way forward?
Speaker 2:Absolutely Feel. Acknowledge that hurt, do not bury it back and compartmentalize it. Bring it up front, Acknowledge it, validate it and then give yourself time to grieve it, but don't stay there. Don't it, but don't stay there.
Speaker 2:Don't stay there. Don't stay there. Give yourself. I would say for me, what I tell the youth is give yourself no more than 30 days to grieve. That hurt. Let it really resonate with you. Write down however you want to do it. If you're one of the people that like to draw, draw it out. If you're one of the ones that like to write, write it out, but get it out of you. Bring it to the forefront, because a lot of these people can't afford therapy.
Speaker 1:That's right Quality therapy.
Speaker 1:That is so true, quality therapy, and that is the reason. That is another reason for the creation of this podcast for the crew, because a lot of us don't, you know, a lot of us don't, and I say that, yeah, you know, some people are not built for the military. So what about those who don't, who aren't able, on Medicare or whatever you know there's? There's my, some of my children aren't getting the good quality care because of Medicaid. So, you know, everybody needs a outlet. Just to you know, and I never understood facing your trauma, we always want to bury it right, like oh my gosh, if I just bury it, it'll go away.
Speaker 1:I won't have to think about it. So I've been masking for years and years and years and again I'm 54 and I'm just walking into my life.
Speaker 1:I'm just walking into it. So you know, I can, you know I was telling, uh, my oldest daughter, she called me one day and she was crying and you, you know, I was, you know, mentoring her and I told her the same thing you just did, because at first I was like you know, don't cry, you know you're stronger than that. But then something I said no, wait, a minute, baby girl, wait. I said feel that thing Go ahead and cry.
Speaker 1:You go ahead and cry and that's what any and cry as younger back in the day. What did they teach young men?
Speaker 2:Don't cry. Don't cry, the worst advice ever.
Speaker 1:But we live and we learn. I tell them look, my son is 37, my 36. Cry that thing out, don't hold it in, don't hold it in. Yeah, don't, don't, don't hold it. Cry once. You cry those tears and you get it. That's what I mean about once you cry, let it all out. Then you do a self-evaluation and say what I need to do, what's next? You know, I always try to go ahead that self-evaluation, self-e.
Speaker 2:It has to be an honest assessment, and the easiest thing to do to an imposter is to assess yourself as great, I'm OK, I don't need help is? Is, baby, you out here struggling and you got your homeboy, your homeboys, your homegirls. You got people there that's willing to listen to you. You got a significant other that you won't open up to because you're afraid to show the real you, baby, let them out. Yeah, let them out, because this is a time where you guys are going to either come closer or y'all. It's going to drive you apart, and that person was not your person anyway.
Speaker 2:So feel it, validate it go through it go through it, acknowledge it, give it a name, give it a name. Yeah, I named my traumas, okay.
Speaker 1:I named them, I named my traumas okay, okay, that's another one.
Speaker 2:I named them. I named them because I want, when I'm addressing Frank, that's exactly who I'm addressing, because I know it's you. Yeah, so guess what, bro? You ain't got no control over that, no more. Guess what? Monica's here, baby, you can't touch me.
Speaker 2:Right right right, right, you know I'm I'm acknowledging these jokers, I'm giving them names and I'm moving forward. I don't, I don't. I try not to sit in it. Right, because when, when I sit long in it, I give it no more than 30 days. If it's more than 30 days, then it's time for me to go get some extra, some extra help yeah I need some extra help and I'm not talking I ain't going to my pastor.
Speaker 2:I love him, yeah, but I ain't going to pastor, no, yeah, it's bigger than you, pastor you might have quit for this right. I'm going to somebody with years of therapy and specifically in what I need, right Specifically, and it may not be the same therapist I've been seeing. So I literally right now have three therapists that I see.
Speaker 1:Right For three different things. Three different. Yeah, therapy is. So some people I know back in the day people would shy away from therapy or it was looked at like a bad thing. But I had to realize that therapy is OK. It's OK to you know. What do you call them? Head shrinks and all that stuff they made it to see, made it to feel like it was a bad thing, but it is a good thing to get therapy.
Speaker 1:And for those who can't, like you said, you know not everybody in today's age, in today's world and age, it's like you don't know who to trust. You don't know who to trust, you don't know where to go. And I would say that if you don't know where to go, you don't know who to trust. Look, you know, it's kind of hard. How to you know? Talk to different groups of people. Because I would say, for those who are believers, if you feel as though you can't talk to anybody, take it to the most, take it to the most high and he will, maybe he will answer the call.
Speaker 1:Because when you're, when you stop trying to do things yourself and you hit that rock bottom, oh, you have no more energy, no more tears, no more nothing. I remember many a times I, I can't, I can't fight, no more. And I just felt the sense and this peace of calm and I was like, oh, it's going to be okay. And then it's like repetitious, because at first you think like, oh, this is, this is great, oh, that was just something else, that was me. But once you keep doing it and you keep hearing that voice of God, this is for me. But once you keep doing it and you keep hearing that voice of God, this is for me, and you keep feeling that sense of peace, it's like, okay, free, l-i-g. Let it go. Yeah, let it go. Because how many times we say God, when are you going to help me?
Speaker 1:Sometimes we feel alone in our trauma, we feel like there's nobody there, nobody listening, and I will let the audience know. Like, know, like, look, this is my sister here, who she was. She was so quiet at one time I never knew the kind of person that she was until I saw her break out of a shell and I was like whoa, this? What? Look, monica girl you were. She was so humble, always been very humble to where people who are like you you know that's for other people like, oh I could get her, I could do whatever I want, because she's so humble, she was gonna let me walk right over her and you know, uh, I'm always a protector. So, honey, baby, how they say, I seen Monica but I said, oh, she good, she good.
Speaker 1:I've seen a transition within yourself. I'm so proud of the woman that you are becoming. It's never too late. You're in your what? Mid 40s, almost. I'm 43. Sorry, excuse me, 43. So it doesn't matter, like 43, 33. I tell my 33-year-old daughter, 33, 43, 54, there's always room for improvement, growth, knowledge, so it's never too late.
Speaker 1:I know, I experienced some of that myself. Like, oh my gosh, you know it's too late. I'm too, I'm getting older, you know, and you know you have to start. All this comes from fear and doubt and we have to find a way, find a way through to silence that fear and doubt so we can start living our purposeful lives and learn how to burn the stuff that happened Break through I'm sorry, oh gosh, I'm sorry, oh gosh. They break through the traumas of emotional and physical pain and become unstoppable, because once you get a hold on that thing, there's no stopping. Now you have a few little bumps, but you be like you know what. Nobody can stop me because I'm not about to go back to where I used to be in my trauma and my pain.
Speaker 2:I'm not going back there.
Speaker 1:So once you get a, taste of that, that that strength is no going back, not to say nothing. Ever happens and I don't falter. But you know I have built a community and you know you are my number one, top notch. You are my number one, top notch. I go to and I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful for you and you sharing your story with the public, because you know we shouldn't, we shouldn't hide. As you know, I've talked before, and I will talk more, how my first child was a great baby and for years and years and years I covered that and I stayed in an abusive marriage 17 years, because I thought that was my protector. He's going to protect me but, honey, ain't nobody have their hands on me like God did. But I thank you for sharing your story with us and I hope that someone out there hears your story and says, wow, I hope they read your book. So tell me what's next. What's next?
Speaker 2:for you. Before we move to that question, I have one other thing I would like to add it says go ahead now listen. You know I love god, I listen, I love him with all my, with my whole heart. But I'm gonna tell you, there's times where I don't want to hear bruh, yeah, I don't want you right now, I don't need you right now. Right now, what I need is I need somebody I need somebody in this moment that I can talk back to you know, give, give me some advice.
Speaker 2:And if I can't afford therapy, if I'm sick of journaling, if I'm sick of drawing, guess what I'm doing? Baby, this is free therapy. Right here, I'm going to give it to you.
Speaker 1:Go ahead. You see, I didn't take my glasses off. I didn't move up close.
Speaker 2:Okay. So they have Facebook groups where you can go post anonymously and I just post it out there anonymously and I just vent. I say vent posts and I just let it all out in that post and I just watch people attack that post, either with good knowledge or not so good knowledge, but I read. I take it all in. Knowledge or not so good knowledge, but I read. I take it all in Because at the end of the day it gives me an opportunity to respond back and forth with people who may or may not know how to handle people that may have been through it before.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:There's those groups out there that you can do that with technology on our fingertips. We don't have an excuse, baby. We don't need a true therapist Not all the time. We can go right there to facebook or some little instagram page, whatever, and we could just go anonymous and put it out there. So I encourage you, if you don't believe in god, you do believe in god. If you just need another person's perspective, yeah, post it anonymously. I I'm telling you, it's helped me many, many times.
Speaker 1:Oh, trust and believe. There are times, and that's why when I talk to young people or I talk to anyone and it's not always good to Bible read somebody I don't want to hear that crap right now that God going to handle it. God is in control.
Speaker 2:You don't want to hear that because I've been depending on you, bro, and I look I'm still here. I'm still going through this same crazy exactly. I don't want to keep hearing about god.
Speaker 1:I know I need some solutions yeah, solutions and, and trust, and, and, and I trust me. I was talking to a young lady and I realized in that moment that, you know, before I, even you know, I just listened. I said she don't want to hear. God is in control. And you know what, when I go through this, because you know, I'm very spiritually connected and sometimes God will say shut your mouth, shut your mouth. So all I asked her to do was hold on, hold, just hold on. Yeah, and those were my words and it's just, and I'm still, you know, still just when I talk to people, because I also have a non-profit, as you know the house of humanity yeah
Speaker 1:and I get a plethora of people, young women, some a few men, and they're going through maybe abusive situations or whatever. Because I, you know, I provide resources for homeless, domestic violence and low-income families. And it's a young lady who she just she's from another country and she's living, and she's not in a physically abused, but she's an emotionally abused person and it's like no place will take her is because they say that that's not abuse. You know, you got to figure it out and release her. So you know, I say, and when I hear the many cries, it's just hold on. She has an autistic daughter, so it's just hold on, hold on, give, give God time to show you and work some things out. Use your resources. I'm here to help you. So I do.
Speaker 1:I do believe that you know. So you can't, you can't just force that on everybody, and then sometimes actions will speak louder than words. You don't want nobody to Bible beat you, but just to you know, check on them. You know somebody to check on you because you, as you know, I've been through many things and sometimes like I don't want to hear what I don't want to hear, what I already know is going to happen. But, and while I'm in this situation in this moment, right now. I need somebody or something to give me that hold on something that hold on moment.
Speaker 1:So I do understand that.
Speaker 2:We also have to acknowledge where we can help and where our helping skins Right, right. So it's like when you are, um, when you were in the military, you had a. So you ever had a soldier. That was just every we would pass from platoon to platoon, company to company. Just a bad.
Speaker 2:So everybody, oh, he's so bad oh my goodness right and then they put him in your platoon because they call you. They say, oh, you're the rehab person, you know, yeah. So they send you these soldiers, right, and these soldiers are broken, right. So they have this victim mentality and you and all your wisdom, you're not trained to handle victims, right, so you're not trained for that. So what do you do? You get a resource form? Okay, we're gonna call behavior health for you. We're what do you do? You get a resource form? Okay, we're going to call Behavior Health for you. We're going to get you some help here. But while I'm helping you in Behavior Health, let me go over here to Army FAP. Right, let me get FAP on the line, because I need y'all to give me some resources to help me help him, right? So it ain't all my strength because I'm not prepared, I can take.
Speaker 2:I can help take you from a victim mentality to a survivor's mentality, and that is my goal. If somebody stuck in the victim mindset, you don't want help, you just want somebody to help you stay in that mindset. If that's where you want to be, I'm not the person to talk to and I'm very honest up front. Yeah, you want to be a victim if you want to. My first question is is how do you want me to help you?
Speaker 2:yeah, because if they don't know, then I can't help them. Right, you got to know what you need and then I can help you. But if you don't know what you need, I don't have the resource to figure it out because I'm not trained in that area. So I just I pass you to another agency that can assist you. Right, if you want.
Speaker 1:So, girl, what's next for you?
Speaker 2:Oh next.
Speaker 1:How are you using your voice today? We already know about altway yes.
Speaker 2:So, um, one of the things that I love to do is, um, so I'm an introverted person. Right, I'm very introverted. I like to be inside my house and I'm a little safe space. But, um, in the last couple of years I've been just talking to people. Just talking, I could see somebody in a store and I'm like, hey, girl, how you doing, how that baby is, oh, she's so pretty. And then we'll just track up a conversation and then it'll go from let's exchange numbers oh oh, I got a resource for you, girl, don't worry about it type thing. So I love right now. What's next for me is just if the stock market act right. But one of the things I want to do within the next seven years is I am going to retire. I'm going to retire. My husband is already fully retired. He just had a house with the babies. But I'm going to fully retire and I'm really going to be more available to reaching out to my community and really just being available for the people that need me.
Speaker 1:Right. So you are in what part of Georgia?
Speaker 2:I am in augusta area augusta, georgia and altway.
Speaker 1:How can uh? If somebody needs help, how can they reach uh? Do you have a website?
Speaker 2:I sure do, and I can share it in the chat I'll share it in the chat.
Speaker 1:Okay, if that's available. Some people will be hearing, so they won't be able to see.
Speaker 2:I want to remember it off the top of my dome. I got it saved. Okay, I got this QR code, but it's on the phone that I'm using to talk to you right now.
Speaker 1:That is fine, we'll be able to do it again Go ahead.
Speaker 2:Nonetheless, I'm specifically available right now to just the CSRA community because that's where all my resources lie. I'm trying to extend into South Carolina area because that's also part of that CSRA. So I'm trying to extend over there, but, as you know, that takes resources and a lot more time. Okay, what is CSRA? So I'm trying to extend over there, but, as you know, that takes resources and a lot more time.
Speaker 1:Okay, what is CSRA?
Speaker 2:Oh, Central Savannah River Area, and that is Augusta, north Augusta, grovetown. It's a combination of Columbia, richmond and I forgot North Augusta counties. Okay, so it's a combination of those three, well, three well, girl.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for interviewing with me here on b3u I. I pray that your story has touched or reached or empowered somebody, because that's what we are here for. We are here to empower those who are broken Okay, not to say we're going to fix everybody and, like you said that saying, you can lead a horse to the border but you can't make them drink. So I pray that whoever is out there today and you heard our interview I pray that you all take something from it, whatever your trauma your emotional, your physical trauma may be or what level it may be. Some people have trauma that level ain't this deep or whatever, but I hope that you have a sense of healing or how to heal and a way out. I want to thank everybody for joining us, and Monica, thank you so much, and I hope to or we not hope, but we will see each other soon. We will. That's it for Brie Charles on B3U. Thank you everybody for joining.