Burn-Break&Become Unstoppable B3u

Healing in Harmony: A Twin's Path Forward

• Bree Charles • Episode 5

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Stephanie McCray shares her journey from childhood sexual abuse to becoming an adolescent therapist and nonprofit founder dedicated to helping youth and displaced girls. Her powerful story reveals how faith, nature, and finding purpose helped her transform trauma into triumph.

• Born into a large blended family with three sets of twins
• Lost virginity at 9/10 years old through continued abuse
• Mother blamed her when she finally reported the abuse at 15
• Joined military in 2000 to create a better life for her daughter
• Attempted suicide and began deep healing after a divine intervention
• Found healing through yoga, volunteering, and connecting with nature
• Now works as adolescent therapist and runs two nonprofits
• Young Women Rejoice mentors girls in group homes
• YES Education provides students with educational supplies
• Believes trauma doesn't have a "certain look" or appearance

Don't give up on your healing journey - on the other side of trauma, someone will need to hear your story. Look for opportunities to embrace nature, volunteer in your community, and find your unique purpose.

Speaker 1:

welcome, welcome everyone to b3u and we have yet another amazing, amazing woman, sister and friend my heart, miss stephanie mccray. Please welcome her to another segment of how we turn our trauma into triumph. Hi sis.

Speaker 2:

Hi sis, Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

Speaker 1:

Oh, my goodness, you talk about it. I'm excited to have you, you. I know that our viewers will be as well, so first let's just get into it and tell us a little bit about you.

Speaker 2:

Mother nature, yeah yeah, mother nature, oh my gosh. Nature is really really like my best friend, but I've come a long way to accept that. Um, yes, I was born into a really large family of twins. My mother had three sets of twins. I have a twin and we were each other's community, each other's best friends, and I just grew up in that way, from a split family. Now my two older sisters they're my mother's first set of twins. They were with her first husband, so then her second two sets of twins came with my father, her second husband. Okay, and so I grew up in, um, I would say, a rather blended, dynamic family. My sisters are Nigerian and I'm American, so we're talking about African American household.

Speaker 2:

Okay, that's um how we grew up and, yeah, I had an adventurous childhood. Um, you served in the military. Yes, I was getting to that. My bad, let me be quiet. I could be long winded. But yeah, I served in the military After high school. I spent a year to raise my daughter who I had in 97. And I spent a year to raise her. And then I went to the military in 2000 and my whole life changed.

Speaker 1:

Doesn't it? Doesn't it Dramatically right?

Speaker 2:

What was your?

Speaker 1:

first thoughts when you first joined the military.

Speaker 2:

I was just really glad to be there. I mean, my first thoughts, my first thoughts were this is amazing, this is cool, this is easy. Wow, that's before we met the drill sergeant.

Speaker 1:

Right Wow.

Speaker 2:

But yeah, challenged me in ways that I hadn't been challenged before and that part I loved every bit of, so yeah, and that part I loved every bit of.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, okay, okay, wow, okay, because I I just remember, uh, just you know, I was coming from West Philadelphia, never been out, you know the state, and I just remember just winding up at Fort Jackson, like what the hell did I do and why am I here? Yeah, so that that was my first thought. What made us so okay? So what? What are you currently doing now that you're, you're out of the military? So what?

Speaker 2:

yeah, I'm out of the military um, I counsel and therapize youth. I'm an adolescent therapist and I provide counseling and therapy to adolescents and families. I have a nonprofit Young Women Rejoice and I mentor young girls. And I also have a nonprofit YES Education YES is an acronym for Youth Education Supplies and I partner with one of my siblings' nonprofit and we educate current education supplies to those in need. Not just the paper and the pencils and the book bags. We offer the tablets and the laptops and just just the things that will help students not feel left out in the classroom.

Speaker 1:

That is amazing. Thank you thank you, okay, wow, um, I was so, uh, so intrigued and I forgot my next question.

Speaker 2:

That is just amazing. I rest a lot too. I garden and I rest a lot. I got some new stuff in my garden now, but, um, yeah, I embrace everything about nature. Yes, yes, not volunteer.

Speaker 1:

We have a nickname for her y'all it's mother. She is so in tune with nature and I love it. So, steph, we're here today for you to share whatever trauma, whatever story you would like to share to help some of our women or men who have been through traumatic events. So can you tell us a little bit about the trauma you have endured?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I thought long and hard about this question and I realized when I thought about this question that I've had, like, quite a few traumatic experiences, just the fact that I had to choose which one I wanted to talk about. And I decided to come here and be very real, very raw, very vulnerable and talk about a childhood trauma. That was an ancestral relationship I had in my household and it impacted me so much, it shaped every relationship in my life and it led to other traumatic relationships because I never understood the dynamic of love and relationships and it left a void in me. Then that void attracted other traumatic experiences and abusive relationships and so, yeah, that's the one I chose to talk about.

Speaker 2:

I think too often women lose sight of ourselves and sometimes it leads to promiscuous activities or sometimes it leads to self-doubt. And so I chose to talk about this ancestral relationship because there is healing after any trauma, especially if it's sexual trauma, and it might take a while to heal, it might take some celibacy, it might take, you know, some spiritual healing before the physical healing and mental healing comes. But I wanted to bring to the forefront how real these sexual traumas are in affecting our relationships with ourself first and then others, so that I can hope to help others heal and address maybe some things that have been suppressed. So yeah, that's what I'm here to talk about today.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so what was the? What was it? What happened?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I guess we do got to talk about it. Yeah, so I was about six or seven years old and I had a family member that would wake me up in the middle of the night, touching me, and that touching led to different times in the day. And that led to that family member it was a brother of mine inviting other of his friends to touch on me and, um, this led to me losing my virginity at about nine years old, maybe ten, and for the next two years from 10 to about 12, for the next two years from 10 to about 12, everything about my life was sexualized and I'm sure adults saw my behaviors, because now I work with children and I can notice things, but as a child I'm still a kid I didn't realize the space I was in then. Everything was sexualized. I was. I had insomnia at a young age. I was scared to go to sleep because I knew that I would probably wake up to somebody touching me and they would want me to do things that is going to lead to intercourse and I was not comfortable with that. But it was a relationship, it was my day to day from the time I woke up to the time I went to sleep was either avoiding that interaction or finding ways to make myself look attractive so that I'm accepted. Make myself look attractive so that I'm accepted.

Speaker 2:

Because it was either the interaction at between 10 and 12 in my life with my one brother and others of their friends. It was either you're accepted, you're cool and you can hang with us, which included touching and sexual activity, or a lot of bullying and physical abuse where I was getting punched and hit on and called names and so having to choose how I was interacting with the world. It was a big deal and I remember when my cycle started at 12 years old. I remember feeling very glad about that, like I can't be touched anymore and the disappointment when I woke up in the middle of the night the first night my cycle came on.

Speaker 2:

I don't know why. I thought everyone knew, but I just thought that that just meant I was off limits. And I woke up in the middle of the night, somebody touching on my breast and the same person touching on my breast. And now my breasts were just starting to form and this sibling is older than me and this was the first time that I understood. They knew that this was wrong. I thought they didn't know. I thought they were just young and oblivious like me, but when I woke up they ran and it was the first time I realized they knew that this was wrong and you're 12 at this time I'm 12.

Speaker 2:

At the time I finally decided to tell my mother about this and it took me three years to tell her. Almost every day for three years I was finding the words to tell her. I would call her name, I would mom, mom, mom find, when she was by herself and I would sit down next to her and the words just couldn't form. It's like I had some kind of a fascia where I could not form words. And three years went by really fast when I look back and I finally had the courage to tell her that my brother had been touching me, that it had led to intercourse and that I did not know what to do. It was the bravest thing I could have done, bree. But she looked at me and she said look at how you're dressed. What do you expect Now? I wore clothes that she either bought for me or it was from another family member because she could not buy them for me. So the heartbreak when she um said that, brie, I went through such a spiral of self-doubt. It took me into my adulthood. Today I still struggle with how I am, how I look, management trying to get out the door, because I'm trying to figure out am I dressed appropriate for the occasion.

Speaker 2:

By 15, I had been raped twice, one by a stranger and another by a sibling's friend. And I mean violently raped, and I mean violently raped by 15,. I had such a shoulder injury because one of the people that tried to rape me I said I can't the pain, the struggle that they they pressed into my shoulder. To this day I still can feel that pain, but I couldn't wear my book. I was in high school. I couldn't even wear my book bag on my shoulder. And by 15, I was. I was pregnant. I got pregnant at 15. 15, I was pregnant. I got pregnant at 15. And I got pregnant by somebody that I actually met. He was my boyfriend. I was very happy. He was my first boyfriend that I selected and he liked me and I liked him and I really thought that we were in love. And I got pregnant and he vanished and I realized that I was really used. Up until the point that this person met me. I was damaged, real bad.

Speaker 2:

And by 16, I was a mom. I finished high school, but I navigated life in a household that was so dangerous but everybody was in awe of. Oh, the twins, oh, it was like confetti every time we went somewhere and I struggled with knowing some truths that either weren't talked about, that were frowned upon, or I was physically abused for bringing up. And so I had to decide if I was going to go to the military, because I would leave my daughter behind in this household because I couldn't come with her.

Speaker 2:

By then, all of my siblings were really involved in the church and my mother was involved in the church. My siblings had girlfriends and fiances, and it was one of those now or never, if I don't go to make a better life for my daughter, because she's a little girl who needs somebody to protect her from the things that nobody protected me from and she was three at the time and I thought to myself if I don't go now and get us out of this, I'll never get us out of it. And so I left and went to the military. By then I had so many abusive and horrible encounters with men in general. I don't know how. I don't know how. Today I really don't know how I can sit here and have this conversation. I don't know how I'm not in some institution, just out of it, I can help you with that I can help you with that.

Speaker 2:

So let's go ahead.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to tell you you know again, we have known each other over 20-something years and we look, we have been spiritual since day one, we have been some praying women and I will say that how you got out of that. You know, when you go in and and your story, I'm I'm holding back tears, girl, I'm holding back tears and it's because your story is all too familiar and when we're going through these things, we're young, we don't know, and then, you right, it creates a cycle and then you don't know what's going on.

Speaker 1:

You know, when I was live, you know, yeah, and not knowing she, not knowing that I had already been molested in the family. So you know that fear that you have as a child. And then you grow up, and then you said you waited a year.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Because you don't know what's going on. But once you start to realize, you're like wait, just wait a minute, and then you grow up into an adult.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1:

And you go through all that. You've been through some things already as a young, young child. Then you go through things as a teenager, then you go through things as a young woman and then you get to a point in your life where you just like, god, dang, I've been through so much Like, how in the world did I make it? The abuse, the everything, but you know how we made it. When I look back and I'm sure it's been times where you ask yourself, god, why me? Why, why me? Why is this happening to me?

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Why am I going through this? And then you know you have every situation, because you have three beautiful children, two boys and a girl. Beautiful children, two boys and a girl.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

Right, yes. And when you had your daughter, you know you wanted a better life for her. You wanted, you didn't want her to go through the things that you went through and get your children, you know your boys. You know you're making this life for them, you've given them the best so they don't have to go through what you go through. And then, has it ever come a time where your children look at, look at you and say mom, how'd you make it?

Speaker 2:

yeah, my daughter lately is asking me that. So you have 27 now and I have not shared this story with her. Okay, I've shared a bit and piece of this story with her not in detail if I have shared it today but I did share with her that losing my virginity was not that choice that I imagined it would be, and I did let her know that somebody in the family took that option from me and that the molestation before the actual intercourse had happened for several years. So she knows some bits and pieces, uh, but not the details of it. But, yeah, at 27 now she's asking questions about how did I and whatever she's going through in life at the time is what follows mom, how did you get through? And she'll ask me, whatever she is that she's going through and, um, it could be anything from relationships to jobs, um, but yeah, I struggle to have those relationships in life still but your faith where?

Speaker 1:

so let me ask your faith, because you're a believer, of course, and I'm sure at all the times that you went through these things, you stayed connected. Yeah, that, it's like that was the thing that you went through these things you stayed connected.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that it's like that was the thing that kept me connected in those moments, even as a child, and I knew for sure, without a shadow of a doubt, that the most high had really protected me. And I know we hear people say that, but until you have an experience where you feel that Holy Spirit, where you sense the one who created you, holding you like a potter and molding you through these situations, that's when you know and I knew, I had a very strong sense at an early age that, yeah, the most high had me and so, yeah, that there's any faithful relationship that I have in life to this day is with my creator, so that's who brought us through, and that's important.

Speaker 1:

I've always, when we talk like this, it's like well, how do there's not a lot of people, but some people don't believe that there's a higher power, you know, because they went through so much.

Speaker 2:

It's like how?

Speaker 1:

how can there be a God and they let me? They let these things happen to me, like where is he at? Where was he at when all this was going on? What would you say to somebody like that? What would you say to someone who said it can't be a God because they let all these things happen to me? What would you say?

Speaker 2:

I would tell them I know it's hard to believe that somebody that cares for you and created you allowed these things to happen, but I would remind them of how potent and hungry and devious the enemy is, and I would remind them that it is the enemy's job. The enemy works harder than any. The enemy works harder than a crackhead looking for a hit Like the attempt that the enemy has to take us out of faith, to steal our joy, to kill our desire to live any type of faithful holy way and to destroy any chance of us going back and believing again. That is the enemy's job, and I would remind them that these are setbacks. These are moments that we are allowed to experience something that is opposite of blessed, joyful, something that is opposite of love, peace, patience, because if we did not know the struggle, we would not know what patience is.

Speaker 2:

So it's not that our creator, the most high, with all this loving kindness, allows us to go through these horrible things. It's that this creator loves us so much that this creator has designed obstacles for us to experience love. And I don't mean the love that existed in that trauma where you thought you were loved and then you were betrayed. I mean the love that you say. I know this is not love. Only the most high can love me in a way that I wake up and I have the creativity in any given day to still smile, to still laugh, the creativity to suppress things and walk outside and look like ain't nothing going on.

Speaker 2:

And I don't know if some people would understand the depths of that. But the creator who created us, designed us so creatively, and the whole goal is for us to understand the fruit of the spirit that makes us. This flesh is just that, and I put it on every day. But I'm spirit in this flesh and the things that happen to this flesh don't break my spirit. And so I would tell these people with doubt, with that kind of doubt, I would just remind them that the enemy's job is done with you. If you give up now, the enemy already has that person in their hands once they give up, and the enemy will go on to somebody else until all faith is lost. Else, until all faith is lost. But it doesn't matter how far away we might stray and how much we might doubt, the Most High sits waiting so much just to bring you back on into fellowship, bring you back on into faith, and so there's no place I'd rather be, but in that faithful fellowship with the Most High.

Speaker 1:

And you really have to be like. You know, I will say to some young people, because at this moment that they're saying these things, they're broken at their lowest, lowest point. And one thing people should realize is that you, you best believe that just as well as there is good, there is evil. You know, there is good and there's evil, there's light and there's darkness. It is very true.

Speaker 2:

It is very true.

Speaker 1:

Very true. And so when you know when evil happens, you have to believe that there is a greater power, and then that's when you need to learn to lean in on that. Yes, and, and we, we couldn't, the things that we have experienced, we couldn't, we couldn't have went through it by ourselves. You know, I know, and and this is the reason why today and I I really applaud for being so transparent, because what is taught is that you sweep things under the rug, don't say anything, you know. This is why I think I overly raised my children just to be very vocal, like somebody do something you don't like it, you let them know, and you let me know. And my, you know, brooke, that's right that Brooke will cut you down with her. She, you know, I raised her so well, like, look, tell me anything.

Speaker 2:

Tell.

Speaker 1:

I raised all my children that way. Tell me anything, and because we went through these, that we raise our children a certain way, you know, so they don't become affected. But then when they grow up and then they go through things in their life, you start to realize like life is all about lessons.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

Because even though we try to stop things or prohibit things from happening, they still experience life in a different way, not the same way we have, but in a different way. And you're like, oh my goodness, but this is why we, you know, we, we try to teach our children the love of the love of God, you know, to keep your faith in him. It's just, one cannot live without the other.

Speaker 2:

That's what balance is. That's the balance, and that is what life is about.

Speaker 1:

It's what balance is that's the balance, and that is what life is about. It's about balance. Know that you're going to have good days, you're going to have bad days, but what do you do in the, in the, in the midst of your darkest bad day, like, was it ever a time that you, uh, that you realized during the healing process, like I've been through all of this? Was it at what? At what point in time did you look inside yourself and you know, all right, steph, you know I've been through a lot. Because, well, let me ask this question first did you ever hit the rock bottom part to where you just didn't want to be here anymore?

Speaker 2:

because all you did, yeah, yeah, I tried to, I tried to take myself out of here. I did. I did not. Um, that was way, way, way at the bottom and I okay let me say I I did not in my mind say I'm going to try to take myself out of here, but when I look back at my behaviors, yes, yes, I did, and I was so at rock bottom. I didn't have a home, I was sleeping on people's couches. I had income, but what I could afford because of my income weren't spaces that I felt comfortable and safe for myself and my children, and because of that I was at hotels. I was sleeping on family members' couches and I did not even want to be around the family members in the first place. But it had boiled, it had got to that point and I still had to take my kids to school and not look homeless.

Speaker 2:

And there was a time I was so confused.

Speaker 2:

I had some prescription medicines to take, because by now I have had a diagnosis of depression, I had a diagnosis of migraines and I had a diagnosis of nerve damage, and I had three medications that I had to take. Some of them was like twice a day, and in this one specific day I was so, over everything except the top, I was at rock bottom, but over everything. And um, I took all the medicine, like at one time, like I didn't have the energy to remember what day of the week it was, I didn't have the energy to remember what I was supposed to take and when, and then that that's what giving up was. I gave up trying to think anymore and I just took this medicine and within 10 minutes I laid there and I said, god, if it's my time, just take me, I'm so ready. I was, I was tired and I just said, god, just take me, I'm ready. And my phone rung and it was my daughter and she's just like hey, I just called to say I love you.

Speaker 1:

Wow, why don't you do it?

Speaker 2:

I think that's the first time she's ever ever done that. Just a random call. She was a teenager at the time. So teenagers rarely just be like like they really want something at the time. So teenagers rarely just be like like they really want something. She did not want anything. She just called to say I love you.

Speaker 2:

And I knew for a fact because I had just prayed and I said, god, I'm ready, take me. And it was within seconds my phone rung and it was her, and so I had enough energy to get up and walk to the next room and let whoever was in that room no, I just overdosed and I'm not in a good place. And I was rushed to the next room and let whoever was in that room know I just overdosed and I'm not in a good place. And I was rushed to the hospital and, um, my healing, the depths of my healing journey, began that night. And, yeah, that's, I don't ever want to be that place again. And so now I know to forget about those things in the past. Press press for those things ahead, and I'm always looking forward.

Speaker 1:

What was the most when you started to heal and you were walking on your healing journey and you started what was the most surprising part of your healing journey that you said I'm making it, you know I'm doing it. Was it a specific moment?

Speaker 2:

Yes, it was. I'm going to tell you. I had this creek in the back of this house I was renting and it was a very pretty creek. And I walked out there one day and I practiced a yoga pose and this was like a handstand yoga pose. And this was like a handstand yoga pose. And, when I tell you, my hands were in this cold water, pressed on these cold rocks, and I flipped my body and I stood and breathed in that yoga pose. That was the moment. It was an aha, it was like a wow, because I remember not having energy to even think about what day of week it was. Wow Because I remember not having energy to even think about what day of week it was. And then I was holding all of my weight up in the palm of two hands. That was a moment, right there, that I will forever be grateful for.

Speaker 2:

I know some people talk about yoga as a religion and people shouldn't do yoga. I don't care what nobody say, it helped me and I will continue to stretch my body and breathe on purpose, and but that was that moment I said, wow, if I did this today, the journey only continues to grow from here and I'll probably never do a handstand a day in my life again. I promise I won't, but I knew, I knew, I knew when that pose happened. But I knew, I knew, I knew when that pose happened. I can't even describe how else I knew, but just that I knew. The journey will grow and I might not be able to do some of the things I used to do, but there's so many things out there that I have not even done yet.

Speaker 2:

And so now, because of that moment, that day, I know that there's things to look forward to. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1:

Awesome. Did the community? Was it the community therapy? I know you said yoga, but did the community any other therapy? Or well, of course spirituality played a big role in it, but was it any other thing that assisted you besides the yoga?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I was volunteering. I got out in the community. When you say community, I remember getting out and volunteering in the veteran community and it allowed me to have purposeful moments in my day around other people that had some similar experiences as me, and the things that we used to do were actually healing. We would do like garden things or we would feed people who were hungry, we would pack lunches and hand them out later to children who didn't have access to good lunch in the summer time or when spring break came, and so those moments of volunteering for causes that I really believed in, they helped so much. They helped me realize that my today is somebody else's future hope, and so, yeah, the community has been big in that volunteering and the faith community, yeah, specifically.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that is a good way to to assist someone who may be going through this right now. It's like what is what is your purpose? Maybe some of us don't know, because I know I didn't know what was my purpose. Maybe some of us don't know a purpose, because I know I didn't know what was my purpose.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

But to do certain things, to give yourself a purpose. Besides, sit in your dark space. Maybe someone is sitting in a dark space from losing a loved one. Maybe they're sitting in a dark space because they're addicted to drugs. I would just say to them the same thing you just said find a purpose. Just get out there and do something Like what can I do to take my mind off of everything? And, for me, helping people helps me. I will forget what I did. I forgot every but. That too can be a little bit like we was talking about balance, because for me, through I did, I forgot every but that. That too can be a little bit, you know, like we was talking about balance, because for me, through all my trauma, I wore a mask for many, many, many years and my thing was okay. I'm going to just help people.

Speaker 2:

You know when I was in the military.

Speaker 1:

my thing was helping other young women. I joined at the age of 30. So when we met I was about 31 years old and I always wanted to help other young people. You know, we have a mutual friend, a sister, you know, and she was the first before I met you.

Speaker 1:

And I just never forget her about killing her husband. She was just going through so much, yes, and my heart would go out to women that was, you know, in a struggle or whatever, and I was just like, let me help them and I will forget all about what Brie has been through. I'm going to hide what I've been through. I'm going to help people, you know, yes, but now, today, balancement is with that. You know, we first have to know that we have to heal ourselves first. And how do we do that? We find something that is pleasing to our spirit, calming us down or, you know, taking care of ourselves mentally and physically. Like you know, I'll say like, hey, walk a little, take 20 minutes and just walk, put some music in your ears, do something. Or in my today, my thing is, I still love helping people. It still gives me. I still seek my therapy. I go to therapy every two weeks.

Speaker 1:

They ain't proud, I'm not ashamed. I go to therapy every two weeks.

Speaker 2:

Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

You know, if she don't call me, I'm looking for her. Who? You at Dr Marie, you know so. And then helping people. But at the same time, when you know, because of all that we've been through, we need to take that moment out, because I heard what you say, that you know you focus in on a youth. But you know, sometimes you, just you know, we just need to say, okay, it's time for a step day, it's time for a free day.

Speaker 1:

And you know, again, I have a nonprofit as well and you know, at first starting out, I was running myself crazy, trying to still heartbreaking when I get a domestic violence victim, or I get a homeless person or a low income family and I just don't have enough to get them give them at the time, or I don't have something for the domestic violence victim at the time, and my heart breaks and I spiral out of control like oh my god. And then I say uh, uh, wait a minute, wait a minute, I will myself back in. Yes, you know so, when we get out there and we lose control and we lose focus, we just need to reel ourselves back in and know that number one, I say this again we plant the seeds. You're planting seeds with your youth and you watering. Now, after that, you have to give them to God to let them grow, and we do all that we can and not overexert ourselves trying to help the next person.

Speaker 1:

So let me ask you did you find your sense of purpose? What is your purpose now that you have been? Is it the, the? Is it the young people? What is your purpose now?

Speaker 2:

Yes, so, um, I would say I'm still on a journey to fulfill my purpose.

Speaker 2:

Okay, you still find trying to, I'm still trying'm still trying to fulfill that purpose, but I know that in this season it's the youth. It is mentoring young girls. Right now, what I do every Friday is mentor young girls that are displaced, and so they're in a group home and I go to that group home. These girls are between 13 and 17 years old, and I go once a week and just have a little fellowship with them, and the youth as well in the community, where I get the school supplies ready for them every school year through the yes Education platform.

Speaker 2:

And so I know that my purpose in this season that I am fulfilling is being there for the youth in some capacity. When we look at children, we don't know what home they're going to, if the people that they're calling mom and dad even love them, if they're being raised by grandparents or foster parents we don't know. And so my heart is in that space, and I'm pretty sure that as I grow, I will always have a passion and reaching out to the youth in some capacity. I don't see that ever changing. But, yeah, I'm still fulfilling, I'm still learning how to fulfill God's purpose for this life, but I find a lot of joy and peace in that though. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1:

Awesome. What is something that you wish? More people understood about Trump, more people understood about trauma and so what you know. What do you wish like okay, through your specific trauma or just trauma in general, because I'm sure you just had, like you say, more than one experience in trauma. What is something you want somebody to understand about trauma?

Speaker 2:

Trauma doesn't have a certain look. Trauma doesn't have a certain look. Trauma does not have a certain look and I wish more people understood that trauma is more prevalent than ever. Too many times in this, these social spaces, people are presenting to seem to have it all together and I've met people before that told me oh, I thought you had it all together and never been through anything, and I think that's unfair to assume that somebody has never been through anything, and I just wish that more people knew that trauma doesn't look a certain way and healed or unhealed from that trauma does not look a certain way. I wish more people ask questions about trauma.

Speaker 2:

Yeah before you judge.

Speaker 1:

Before you judge somebody, you know before you say something. Maybe it's somebody out there that's always disgruntled. She's so angry. You know. Before you even said anything, you know or ask the question, and that's that's exactly what I spoke about my last interview. You know being in the military, you know as this one sergeant major, you know they fit and I had leadership. You know that was military, you know, as this one sergeant major, you know just they fit and I had leadership, you know that was crappy, they were crappy yeah, you know they were crappy and you know it's just like.

Speaker 1:

You know, nobody took the time to say why. You know, it's just, uh, you know, put her back on the block. You know, and that's why I try to be real careful when I meet people, you know, try not to judge them right off, just well, you know, give them a little chance. But then you know, if it's just something I can't handle, you just pray for it, pray for that person and you and you walk away, you know, and leave it into the hands of the most high, and leave it into the hands of the most high.

Speaker 1:

So how are you protecting your peace? How do you protect your peace from people that can be ignorant to you know, because not every day is a good day when you suffer from trauma. It's a daily, a daily fight. It's a daily fight, with trauma every day day, especially when you experience so much of it in so many different ways. Because you know, um, I don't know about you, but sexual trauma wasn't the only trauma that I experienced. So it's like, okay, you know, sometimes, you know I have to, you know, do certain things repetitious, and you, you know. So it's like, okay, I'm talking to myself today. So what do you do? How do you protect your peace?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so I embody peace.

Speaker 2:

It's I don't do anything extra to protect it, but I embody it, and so the thing that I have to protect is my mental space.

Speaker 2:

I embody peace by getting outdoors, getting my hands in the dirt when I garden, anytime I have an opportunity to just inhale and exhale fresh air outside. Sometimes I will take my shoes and socks off just to put my feet in sand or grass, and I don't care if people look at me crazy for doing it. I take these opportunities because I believe God gave them to me and I'm kind of careless if anybody else received it or not. So I really really embrace these opportunities that I believe God has given to me. When I can just open some windows and get some fresh air, go for a walk and get my feet planted in some real nature, drink more water and mind my business, I really really drink water and mind my business, and I think that that helps to protect my mental, and when my mental is protected, I'm my best self, and my best self is the embodiment of peace in real life yeah, if you could go back in time, that younger you, that little girl who was stuck in pain, what would you say to her?

Speaker 2:

oh, I would just say I love you and you are so perfect, just as you are. And I would tell her this won't last forever and you're going to come out much stronger than you've ever imagined, and the people that hurt you today will be so, so sorry tomorrow, and you get to choose to forgive them or not. I will tell that girl, I will tell her she's phenomenal and I will tell her to look for me when you grow up, come find me, oh my, find me.

Speaker 1:

yeah, oh my, my, my, my, my, oh girl really yeah, oh, just oh, girl, what are your messages? What would your message be to somebody, to survivors, who don't see a way forward yet? Would you say that same, would you give them the same message? What is your message to somebody listening today?

Speaker 2:

don't give up. Don't give up Because, on the other side of this, there's somebody that's going to need to hear your story. Yeah, just like that.

Speaker 1:

And and and, and I agree with that. And you can tell it's hard, this is hard, but you know what I see it this way. You know this show is about being transparent, you know, because pain, suffering, exists, yeah, and you have to work at that healing. So my message would be it is still. I just people who are grieving. You know, I don't bible beat, I just send on.

Speaker 1:

And that's hard, uh, I I say it to young women who call me crying and they don't have nowhere to sleep, they don't have nowhere to stay, they can't they. You know that some, originally, they continue to go back to the abuser because they don't have anywhere else to go. Or you know, some just don't go back and they stay with person to person or living in their car. And when I talk to these young ladies I just say just hold on, especially when they talk about suicide, like hold on your child or somebody needs you, stephan, if we did not hold on, if you did not hold on, and you're a beautiful soul. I am so grateful that the women that I have interviewed have held on.

Speaker 1:

So I want to say to everybody who's listening, who is going through something, this is so true and it's hold on. That's the message. Hold on because there is a purpose. There is a purpose for you. You have to be strong enough to stand the test of trials. And this is the thing that I'm speaking and it's command. To command the things that you want to see in your life. You have to burn, break and become unstoppable and not just create the success that you want to see in your life. You have to burn, break and become unstoppable and not just create the success that you want to see, but command it to be yes yes you have, we have to come in.

Speaker 1:

This is what b3b for you and if you look at it, my daughter made me realize it's realized that it also let his mom be you, be you unapologetically, yes, no matter what you've been through, and this is why I can applaud. I'm going to need an assistant, but they had me some tissue. Ain't nobody around, they had me no tissue. But this is the reason that I am bringing women together to be bold enough to share your story, so someone out here is listening who is going through the same thing. Maybe they haven't healed like we have, or healing, maybe they don't have the direction.

Speaker 1:

Well, sis, bro, I'm telling you now, listen to the things that these women are coming on and how they're talking about how they survived. And I'm telling you it's a true fact, and I don't know about you, steph, but you know I, you know again, it's balancement, because at one point in time I went head over here pills straight into the church, like monday, monday prayer, tuesday, uh, uh. Well, tuesday, uh, work whatever. Wednesday, bible study, thursday, I mean, you remember? Yes, I was in church from sun up to sun down.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

And I didn't realize that, you know, until then. You know, when a church, you know they're human, they're human, you know. And and that's to say something about our parents too, that I would like to say is our parents, they're human, they didn't know any better. Cause at first I was very angry, very angry after I came out of PTSD clinic Because, again, you know those PTSD clinics, they make you face your trauma, they do your trauma and it's like I don't want to do that, I want to forget about it.

Speaker 1:

I wore a mask for over 14 something years and I'm proud to be 54 years old now and I will say that I just unmasked maybe 53. I just took my mask off. I just took it off and it's the thing that I don't have to be in my circle. I used to have a big circle because I wanted everybody to love me. I wanted everybody to see that I'm a good girl, see that I'm a good person, and now I just don't get there and my circle is small. Now you don't have to.

Speaker 1:

Like I love myself first and that's why I let a lot of the anger and things that I had. It's like y'all was supposed to love. I didn't ask to be here. Y'all was supposed to love me and protect me. Like you know, I was angry with my mother. Like you didn't take the time out. You know you always wanted to call me a bad kid. I was bad, I was bad, but did you sit down? But then you know you go back and you realize like well, damn, she was going through her own stuff. You know, back in the back in the 50s, 60s, uh, it was uh, angel dust or cocaine or whatever was back in that era, you know she was dealing with her own.

Speaker 1:

Parenting does not come with a handbook no, it does not so I had to then say you know what? And then you know what my dad is like. Well, I can't be mad at him, because he was a gang lord, a drug lord, a gang banger. He out there trying to survive with the tools that they gave them back in those times.

Speaker 2:

That's right, that's right.

Speaker 1:

And you know, my father is the one who I was more transparent with speaking with when I learned all of this and I was like well, daddy, I'm not blaming you, blaming you, you know, I hope that you don't take this anyway, but you know where were you? And he said well, baby, I'm sorry that all of this happened to you. And he said I'm honestly I'm glad that I didn't, because my dad, it was nothing to play with, okay, okay, and he meant what he said he would have killed somebody. So then when you start to look back, because my dad you know he was, he was into the game.

Speaker 1:

He was doing him. And I think about it now, like, well, things are, things are designed the way they are designed for a reason because my dad would have been dead today and then I would have had to live with, like dang, my daddy died for me, you know. But these, these trials and these, this trauma that we go through, are building blocks for to make us stronger, and we have to continue to be strong to help the next person.

Speaker 1:

so I, again, I applaud you for all of this and so tell me, tell me stuff, because we can talk on this thing forever and ever, but we will, I'm going to welcome back a lot of our ladies um who have spoken um to, because there's so much you know so, and you are always welcome back to share anything that you would like to share or encourage someone who would need encouragement. So what's next for you? Do you know what's next right now? And I know that you're using your voice with the young people, but what's next, can you?

Speaker 2:

see that for me, yes, so I am using my voice, even here in the community. I was named the Veteran of the Month here on earth that we need to heal, and so that's what's next for me now is to get involved in more speaking engagements on small to large platforms. Yes, I'll be looking to hear more of my voice and more parts of my story along the way.

Speaker 1:

All right, amen. Well, god bless you Thank you. Stephanie, I love you with the heart of the Lord, forever and a day. Thank you. Guys, this is a and you're in. What part of Georgia are you in?

Speaker 2:

Yes, I'm in Clayton, Georgia, clayton County, georgia, clayton County Riverdale, just outside of Hartsville Airport, about 10 miles from the airport.

Speaker 1:

Okay. Do you have a website or anything that somebody might be experimenting? You don't have one, no, not now.

Speaker 2:

I'm not on socials right now. I'm not on websites right now, um, so I don't have that information now. God is still downloading the vision and working on those areas, but I'll be sure to forward them to you in the future.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we'll talk about it, my listeners. I thank you so much. Yet another one, right. A powerful, powerful interview. Thank you, my sister, my sister Arms by Heart, for coming on and telling your story today.

Speaker 2:

Thank you.

Speaker 1:

We will see you soon.