Burn-Break&Become Unstoppable B3u
“Welcome to B3U, the podcast where we will always speak our truths by Burning pains of the past, Breaking the broken mindset and Becoming Unstoppable, reclaim power all while walking into our purpose . I’m Bree and if you’re here today, you or someone you love has likely faced the dark reality of abuse. First, let me say this—you are not broken. You are not defined by what happened to you. You are here, and that means there is hope, strength, and a future waiting for you.
Here we will be diving into the journey of healing. We’ll talk about the aftermath of abuse, how to reclaim your voice, and the steps toward true freedom and find your purpose . Whether you’re just beginning to process your experience or you’re deep into your healing journey, this podcast is for you!
Burn-Break&Become Unstoppable B3u
What I Couldn't Carry: Colvin Carter on Trauma, Transformation and Truth
Today’s episode is a raw and unfiltered conversation with Colvin Carter—a man who has lived through silent battles that many never see. Colvin’s story is one shaped by the pain of two failed marriages, the heartbreak of not having the chance to raise his only son, and a lifelong struggle with weight and self-worth that has touched every part of his journey.
But in the middle of the weight—both physical and emotional—Colvin found something deeper: the strength to face his truth, the courage to heal, and the voice to help others do the same.
This episode isn’t about perfection. It’s about process. About showing up broken, speaking from the scar—not the wound—and learning to carry pain without letting it define you.
If you’ve ever felt like your past disqualified you, or that shame had the final word—Colvin’s story is proof that it doesn’t.
Welcome everyone. Welcome. Welcome to B3U. We are going to kick off this Father's Day month with my brother, my so much loved brother, mr Calvin Carter. So please welcome everybody, mr Carter, to the show. Bro, thank you for coming on and being transparent with our viewers. I appreciate you.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's a pleasure to be on here and have this conversation. I know that I can bring some value to this conversation with some of the things that I've been through, so I'm ready to share.
Speaker 1:All right, so tell us a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm originally from New Jersey, small town Tenton Falls, new Jersey. I'm 46 years old I'll be 47 in August. I did six years in the military and after that I did about 15 years civil service civil service, so to speak, contracting on Fort Benning, and now I'm a barber. I've actually been a barber for about 20 years now, so that's my main. That's my main thing being a barber 20 years now.
Speaker 1:So that's my main, that's my main thing being a barber, uh, and I'm also, uh uh, a nutrition coach. A nutrition coach, awesome Nutrition coach, yep, Okay, okay. So fitness coach you had, do you do training or group training workouts?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do, I do Um, I do group training, I do online training, Um I training, I give, I can design workouts, I can help people with their nutrition and stuff like that. So that's been very, very enjoyable. I've been doing that about three years now and that's been very, very enjoyable Been able to meet and connect with a lot of people and learn and learn about people, learn about the different types of people, Because you know, with respect to what we're doing right now, there's a lot of people that's going through a lot of things and you know you learn a lot and I'm able to connect with them because I've been on that journey before.
Speaker 1:Right, right understood. And so where are you at right now? Where do you conduct your nutrition training?
Speaker 2:Fort Mitchell, alabama, right outside in my garage. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I do all my yeah, I do boot camps in my garage. So, yeah, I'm really enjoying that. I got a nice little, nice little crew Shout out to them Team HDF. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're on it. So I really appreciate them and I love working with them as well. So I usually do my boot camps Monday, wednesday and Friday 6 am and 7 pm.
Speaker 1:So if somebody wants to join, how would they get in?
Speaker 2:contact. All they have to do is just get in contact with me. If you want to join any of those boot camps, and I do do it in person and virtual with me if you want to join any of those bootcamps, and I do do it in person and virtual.
Speaker 1:So yeah, if anybody wants to join any one of those bootcamps just hit me up and I'll put them in the right direction.
Speaker 2:What's the information? Oh, you can DM me on Facebook. Colvin Carter, c-o-l-v-i-n.
Speaker 1:Carter, just DM me and, yeah, I'll give them all the information from there All right, okay, well, carter, please tell me a little bit about your story, the trauma that you go through.
Speaker 2:Well, there's a lot, there's a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a lot.
Speaker 2:And I think it's all intertwined and kind of leads me to where I am today. So I know we won't have time to go over everything, but I'll give you kind of leads me to where I am today. So I know we won't have time to go over everything, but I'll give you kind of like some of the main points and some things that I've been through. Like I said, that has gotten me to this point. I've been married twice. So I've been divorced twice, two very interesting marriages. I do have a son we can go into that later and I also went on a nice little fitness journey. Nice little fitness journey.
Speaker 2:I was able to lose 55 pounds and you know that's something that I'm proud of doing, because it really is. It's helped mold me into the person that I am now. It showed me a lot about myself as a person, kind of the things that I was doing, some of the things I've been able to leave behind, um, so that that journey alone, um, has been very, uh, enlightening, been very, very enlightening. And the reason why I went on that journey is, uh, basically, um, because I was tired of being fat. Okay, um, and I don't I don't know if, if, if, there's anybody else out there that kind of can kind of relate to this, but it did affect me with my relationships. It did affect me with my relationships, my appearance, how I look and things like that. It just wasn't what. A lot of people just wasn't shaking like that. Now, you know, there's people like my, like my current girlfriend my current girlfriend told me when.
Speaker 1:I was bigger, that she was trying to get with me and and I ignored her.
Speaker 2:Wow, yeah, so that's that's kind of the funny part about it. But you know, it did, it did affect me and you know my relationships and with my confidence and things like that, and it was like one day I looked in the mirror and was like yo, you got to do something, man, like you got to, you got to get yourself to where you need to be. You know, you can be better than this. Fitness wasn't something that. I was, you know, a stranger to. I played football in high school. I was very. I was, um, you know a stranger to, um, I played football in high school. I was very athletic. Uh, in the military, you know, I was always strong.
Speaker 2:I was always on an overweight program, but I was always strong you know what I'm saying Always kind of athletic, Uh. So that helped me, you know, along the way, like that, Um, but when I got out the military, I trained for a little bit. Um, I had lost some weight, uh, at a particular time, but then I gained it back. And you know, when I gained it back I had gained it back like for about 10 years. So, um, it was time for a change. It was, it was really time for a change, Um, so you're you're being overweight affected.
Speaker 1:It was time for a change. It was really time for a change. So you're being overweight affected, both of the marriage, both of the marriages. Yeah, is that what you didn't affect?
Speaker 2:It didn't affect the marriages, the marriages. The marriages were just a lot of personality conflicts. The marriages were just a lot of personality conflicts. My first marriage I was very, very young and she was a lot older and I suffered from a lot of mental and verbal abuse in that marriage for the simple fact that she was older. You know what I'm saying. She really, really took advantage of me. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:When I first got married, I was 20 years old. I was 20 years old when I got married and she was 29. Yeah, yeah so, and she had, she had four kids already, and so that was a big responsibility in itself. I was just graduating high school, getting married at 20 years old to an older woman and she had four kids. So, you know, I was a stepfather at a very, very, very, very young age and at the same time, and at the same time, because of a previous relationship, because of a previous relationship, my son was also conceived and born. So I had that going on with my son's mom. That was kind of, you know, a shaky type thing. And I was getting into this marriage with this older woman with, you know, four kids, like I said, with you know four kids. Like I say, I was young, so I did a. I I really set myself up right there.
Speaker 1:I set myself up there for the okey-doke for really okay. So did that. How did that affect? Okay, that's your first thing yes, okay so how did that affect you once you realized that this ending was coming to an end? It wasn't what you got. Didn't have any children out of that marriage.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't have any children out of that. And what was your question?
Speaker 1:How did it affect you that, that first marriage? How?
Speaker 2:did it affect me?
Speaker 1:How long did y'all stay married?
Speaker 2:We were married six years. We were married six years and then you realized that this is not for you.
Speaker 1:You're being abused.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, taking advantage of yes, yes, yes, so as a man, as a young man.
Speaker 1:Still you're 20 years old. Yeah, were you big at this time or no?
Speaker 2:um, yes, at this time. Yes, I was big. Was that because I was getting out the military? Stressed out that that's was big? Because I was getting out the military stressed out. That's what the reason why I was out the military, because I was overweight.
Speaker 1:Yeah, failed the tape test.
Speaker 2:So they kicked me out.
Speaker 1:So self-confidence? Where is your self-confidence?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Where was your self-confidence? Did you have any?
Speaker 2:I didn't have any, I didn't have any, I didn't have any, I didn't have any, I didn't have any. Um, I, I, it was. It was like to the point to where I just didn't care. I just didn't care at all about anything, about nothing. Um, I was in a marriage that I really didn't want to be in, and you know the military I, I just wasn't mature enough for that at the time because I was just going through so much stuff. You know what I'm saying. They should have kicked me out. I'm glad they kicked me out, for real, seriously, I'm glad they did, because I was no good to nobody. I was no good to nobody, young, immature, making terrible decisions, just screwing up his life. To be perfectly honest with you.
Speaker 2:So you married again yes, now, when I married again, I waited a while. I waited a while. I waited about. I waited about a good eight, nine years before I got married again, but I didn't learn my lesson from the first time. Eight, nine years, I still didn't learn my lesson from the first time. I got married very, very quickly with the second one and she just turned out to be a fraud, just a fraud, and that was tough too, because she was very controlling as well, because she was very controlling as well. She's very, very controlling as well, very yes, just very controlling.
Speaker 2:I'll leave it at that OK.
Speaker 1:so, as you know, as now were you still suffering with what were you still? Dealing with the weight.
Speaker 2:Yes, Still dealing with weight. Yes, in the strange part, I'm going to tell you the strange part. The strange part is that, well, that was after. That was after, that was after, that was after. After that second marriage, I became very, very numb, very, very numb. Like no love at all, like none, none Didn't want to Not even for yourself.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no, no, no, no love at all, no love at all for anybody. Like I was, I was, it was like I was reliving my 20s again. After that, after that marriage, you know I was, I was doing my thing. Just be perfectly honest with you. I was, I was doing my thing. I was sleeping with a lot of women. I was sleeping with a lot of women and wasn't committing to nobody.
Speaker 1:And this is because you just didn't care. No, I didn't care.
Speaker 2:I didn't care. I didn't care about anybody's feelings. I didn't care about hurting people. I didn't care about none of that. All I cared about was me. That was it. That was it okay that was it.
Speaker 1:So you said you cared about, did you care? Did you really care about yourself or were you just disappointed with you? And is it? You know, but you said the other women were hurting you yes, and then you didn't have that and now correct me if I'm wrong. I'm just asking the questions. You know they were hurting you. You had the weight issue so you just was like not caring, got kicked out the military and just was disouted.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, pretty much, cause I had no. I really had no direction. I really had no direction. Now I was going on living life and you know doing things and stuff like that, but I really had no direction. I had no. I had no desire for any type of commitment. I had no desire for any of that. You know what I'm saying? I was, I started drinking, I was drinking. That's when I started really really drinking a lot.
Speaker 1:Now the court system. I know that you are a man who loves his mother. Love his mother. He loves his mother, Did you have anybody in your male figure or anybody in your life that's. Seen the direction you were going, seen what states you in. Did anybody try to you know, reach out and help you? Was there any help at this point, or it was just you?
Speaker 2:No, because I do good. I do good at hiding, hiding things that I'm going through. I do real good at hiding things that I'm going through. Like I say you can look at me and be like okay, that's Carter right there. He's still laughing, smiling, doing what I do whatever, having fun with the guys, whatever it is At that time, cutting hair, whatever, blah, blah, blah. That's just what it was. I wasn't letting people in my business. Whatever I was going through, I was going through it at home. I just do what I do at home. I mean I'm kind of like that now, like I don't really like, you know, I'm not really out there, like that I kind of stayed to myself, um, but I mean, nah, nobody knew nothing, I wouldn't tell. I wouldn't tell anybody anything either. If there was something I was going through, I wasn't going to tell nobody nothing.
Speaker 1:Is that because you were just? Well, it's masking and avoiding. Yeah, what was the reason why you didn't tell anybody? Why didn't you share? Were you ashamed? Did you not know what was the reason?
Speaker 2:No, it wasn't none of that. It was just I just didn't want to share. It was just something that I was just it was.
Speaker 1:It felt like you were going to go on your own. Yeah, it was my hill to climb.
Speaker 2:It was my hill to climb. You know what I'm saying. It was nobody else's problem. I know it's stuff that I put on myself, so it wasn't going to be you know somebody that I go and talk to about it. I was just like I just handling myself out. It's just me.
Speaker 1:What is the moment where you hit rock bottom and you realize that you had to get yourself together, like, ok, all right, yeah, I got to get out of this. When did you hit that rock bottom and realize that you have to do that?
Speaker 2:oh, man, um, it was two things, that two things that happened um first. Um, I always tell that, I always tell this one first, but there was something that happened before. But my father passed away. My father passed away and my son was arrested for murder. Those were the two things, and it all happened within the same year, all happened within the same year, and those two, those two things, shifted a lot of, a lot of where I was in my life.
Speaker 2:Um, I don't you know, I'll tell you this when, when my son, when my son got got arrested for murder, going through what I was going through with him and with his mom, that did a lot of damage as well, because I never had a relationship with my son. He was, he was kept from me, he was literally kept from me. And so when he became too much to handle for his mom, that's when she called me back into the picture and wanted me to fix it. And you know me, being the man that I am, I'm going to try to fix it, because it's my son. You know what I'm saying. I don't want to see my anything bad happen to him. I want to get him on the right track. I'm his father, I feel like that I can do it, but I couldn't do it. We didn't. We didn't have, we didn't have that relationship built in order for me to be able to do it. He was built in order for me to be able to do it.
Speaker 2:He was, he was um, he was 16. He was 16. He was already, he was already influenced to where he was going to be, influenced to be. But at that time that was such a weight on me because that's my only son, you know what I'm saying and there was a lot of, there was a lot of, there was a lot of problems there, and I've never, I've never told anybody this part. I really actually just shared that, that that story, with my son a couple of weeks ago, but I've never, ever, shared this part of the story and this is probably what broke me the most. Now I told you, when he came to me from his mom, I was trying and you know the relationship wasn't, it wasn't good, it didn't, it didn't work. He was ran away all the time. You know things like that. When he ran away for the last time, he got put in the facility.
Speaker 2:He broke out of the facility he went killed someone that man that he killed he used his cell phone, called me and said motherfucker, I will kill you. That's called me and said motherfucker, I will kill you. That's what he said to me after he did what he did. And I'm thinking what did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? And to this day I'm not going to say I can't get that phone call out of my head.
Speaker 1:I can't get that phone call out of my head.
Speaker 2:I can't get that phone call out of my head. And, knowing he did what he did, he would have done that to me Because he hated me that much. And what did I do? I didn't have a chance to build a relationship with him, so I was like, what did I? What did I do? What could I? What could I have done?
Speaker 1:So you started blaming yourself. Yeah, Like what could, what could I, what could I?
Speaker 2:have done Like what could I have done? What could I have done different? What could I? What was it that I could have done different to where to make that situation not happen?
Speaker 1:And how many years ago.
Speaker 2:This was like five years ago, man.
Speaker 1:Five years, or is your son still incarcerated? Yeah, yeah. What type of relationship do you have now?
Speaker 2:We don't have one now. We don't even have one now.
Speaker 1:So this is still sort of haunting you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't really talk about this much and I'm more so. I'm more so block it out than anything. So, talking about it, I get a little emotional, just because I don't. I don't talk about it much, but just thinking about it, it just, you know. And I just always think about what, what is it that I could have done more? What could I have done more? I tried to do everything that I could do, but I always think about what is it that I could have done more. For a time I didn't even know where he was. I didn't even know where he was.
Speaker 1:So this is like what we call like a set point, where we go through a situation in our lives that we have no control over Right, and I have a situation where my baby boy you know, I have two sons and three daughters my second son didn't grow up with us. You know, I was a young girl at the time, didn't know how to take care of kids. You know, I was so at the time. I just had my oldest son and then I had my second son. My second son had behavioral issues. I was being abused by the husband, the ex-husband, and I, you know his mother, asked to say you know, hey, I'll take care of hey, I'll take care of your son because I was pregnant again trying to handle the one I got now still getting my
Speaker 1:ass whooped by the you know. So she said I'll take him. So she wound up taking my son. It was supposed to be just for a little while, I was just supposed to go with her and it wound up turning into a long, extended phase. She put him on social security to get the money because he had ADHD and all that stuff. So years go on. I never raised my son. Even now he suffers with alcoholism and stuff now.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it's like me and my son did get back together. It was like he hated me. It's like, you know, sometimes it's like you know, me and my son did get back together, you know, he, it was like he hated me, like, and I'm like, well, I wasn't there, he was being fed all kind of false lies. And we talked about it, you know, yes, yes. And when we talked about it, hey, son, you know, he would tell me that. Hey, because I asked him. I said come on to Germany. You want to come to Germany with the rest of the kids, you know? And he was like no, I don't want to go. And you know, his father was like I don't want to go with you. So I was like, oh, but later on they told him to say that, wow, you know my son has suffered some mental trauma that he deals with.
Speaker 1:It's the reason why he does drink today.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I'm always saying to myself what could I have done? Like I feel bad, I feel so bad, you know, like what could I have done more? What could I have done better?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then I had to realize, like you know, after you know, he kept doing things even in his adult life before he went to the military. You know he's in the military now and I think to myself what could I have done better? Like you know, I start to blame myself.
Speaker 2:But then you know, I realized you know because in the military.
Speaker 1:we do a lot of training, we do a lot of therapy.
Speaker 1:Right right, and what they made me realize is that you know what, even if you try to change the narrative, the story may change and something else may happen. Right, right, you know they. They ask you how many times do you are you going to keep blaming yourself and trying to change the narrative and trying to change, whatever the outcome is, if you cannot help that person? That's like you said you didn't raise them, you was. He was.
Speaker 1:That opportunity was taken away from, yes, so that's not your fault, but still, as the father, as the man that that's your son, you love him. You're hurting, for you know the things that he did and you know. And then you hear him say that to you and, yes, it haunts us and it takes, and I will tell you still to this day, still to this day, with me as well. You know, I feel I'm hurt, yes, because it's my son. But what I do and this is just me, what I do is I realize that I can't change nothing of the past, and anything of the past was none of my doing, it's not my fault, I didn't do it.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But what I do is I redirect and I put it in God's hands. I just pray. God, only you can control this. You are the Savior. We, as parents, we want to be the Savior. We, as parents, we want to be the Savior. We want to save, we want to help, and the truth is we can't. All we can do is pray for our children. So I do sympathize and I empathize with you bro, because it was a hard thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and and excuse me, I think One of the one of us something else that's difficult about that is I shouldn't say this, but it's the truth and I don't feel bad about it. I hate his mom. I hate his mom. I hate her. I hate her. There's nothing. God can't even deliver me from the hate that I have for that woman. I'm trying to tell that's the realest shit. I can tell you right now that is real talk. God can tell you right now that is real talk. God can't even help me with that, just because of the simple that is my only child, my only birth child. I have a god daughter. I love her very much. I post her all the time on social media, all the time, all the time. I love her. She's like my daughter, but that's my. He is my only biological Child and she took that away from me and I will Never, I will never Forgive her for that, ever, ever. I will never forgive her for that, ever ever if she was burning?
Speaker 2:if she was burning right here, right beside me, you have a better chance of putting her out than I? Do you have a better chance of putting her out than I? Do you have a better chance of putting her out than I do? Human?
Speaker 1:emotions. You know you can't take that from you. You can't take that from you. It's your child. You said you only got one, so I do understand.
Speaker 2:And you know that's I don't. I know that's a part of my healing as well and that's probably what's keeping me from looking at it as things that I can't control. At the end of the day, I know it's something that I couldn't control, but it's still. I can't get over that. That's why I block it out. That's why I block it out. I go around angry. I will go around angry every day if I don't block it out. That's why I block it out. I go around angry. I will go around angry every day if I think if I don't block it out, right, if I don't block it out, I'll be angry every day because I'll never have that relationship with my son. I'll never do. Man like it is so hard seeing you know brothers with their sons celebrating with them and stuff like that, and knowing I did not get a chance to do that with mine.
Speaker 1:That shit hurts bad so, as we we, when we're in this type of trauma, we have to learn to stop listening to ourselves, because when you say you get angry, that's because you're listening to yourself and you're listening. We have to talk ourselves, bro. Look man, you know this situation fucking sucks, but look I I. I only thing I could do is you know whatever you need to do to talk. You need to start doing more talking to yourself and listening to yourself, because that shit right there makes you more crazy.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying? It makes you more crazy. And then that's where you shut down from people. You, you, you just draw back. You know what I'm saying and you want to you. You want to live that life is it like? Do you feel like at times that you shouldn't have a good life because what happens to get done? Does that affect you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it does, it does, it does. It really affects me. It affects all areas because it has numbed me. It has numbed me and I feel so bad sometimes because I know my girlfriend, I know she'd be like man, you'd be so numb sometime, and I know I do, and it's man, it's rough, it's hard, it's hard man, do you use any tool to help you through this dark period?
Speaker 1:Any therapy, any, I mean, mean you know?
Speaker 2:um. I do see a psychiatrist from the va I see a psychiatrist from the VA.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you talk about that. Okay, that's how you feel when you come out of those.
Speaker 2:It's all right, it's all right it's all right man like like, like I don't know. I know, I know I have to help myself in this situation, but it makes me. It makes me so angry. Every time I talk about it, every time I think about it, it just makes me, because I know I can't, I know I can't never get that time back, I can't never get that time back. Know, I can never get that time back, I can never get that time back. I can never get that time back, man do you ever, do you try to?
Speaker 1:do you think about reaching out to him? Do you think about you know, trying to talk, or is he angry?
Speaker 2:yeah, he ain't with you. Yeah, he's angry, angry, yeah. So I mean it's Sis, I try, I try, I do, I try. I know this is about overcoming this stuff and kind of seeing.
Speaker 1:This is real talk. It's not. We learn how to burn break and become unstoppable, right. Yeah, it's not. You know how you know we learn how to burn, break and become unstoppable, right. Yeah, you know it's all about you. Know, everybody is a human being.
Speaker 2:It's what you're going through.
Speaker 1:You're not just like so you are, you're going through. You may not have overcome it, but you're going through right now. What you're showing people is how you are being resilient. You're still going through your time. You go through your moments. You have a girlfriend now. You've been married twice, but look, you're dating again. We got to start looking at the positive things in life. You're over. You may have not overcame.
Speaker 2:I love her.
Speaker 1:You know that right there is progress. We don't give ourselves enough credit. We rob ourselves from credit, and I'm going to give you, brother, the credit that you deserve, because you could be out here so angry and, like you said, you hate her, you could my son away from me. I'm going to take you out the equation. You can be broke like that. We all know how military personnel when we thought we crazy. We know all the things that we've been through deployments or whatever.
Speaker 1:We come out here, and if we are not guarding ourselves, we can, especially if you've been through something as deep as you. So I commend you just because you may not have overcame, but you are making it through. So I'm going to give you those flowers, I'm going to give you those props, right?
Speaker 2:there I mean I really have no other choice. I really have no other choice to tell you the truth because I mean I can't. That stuff can bother me, but I know it can't weigh me down from things that I want to do with the rest of my life. You understand what I'm saying. I do understand that. I am aware of that. It can't stop me from accomplishing the things that I want to accomplish building my business you know building both businesses. You know what I'm saying. You know being good in my relationship and stuff like that, being there for my goddaughter and stuff like that. I know that whatever I've been through can't stop me from doing that stuff. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:But I think that pain is still there deep on the inside. I've just learned how to suppress it. I just I've just learned how to suppress it. I've learned how to suppress it. So, if, if, if it's you know about, you know getting through your, getting through your troubles, getting through your trauma. I've learned to. I've just learned to be resilient, have some grit, have some fortitude, just knowing that those things are not going to change. Those situations are, never are never going to change.
Speaker 1:They're never going to change, but I know that I have to. Do you have a purpose? Is it shaping a sense of purpose that the pain that you're you're?
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes what?
Speaker 1:is the purpose.
Speaker 2:What is?
Speaker 1:your purpose.
Speaker 2:I love what I love. I love helping people. I love helping people. So helping people through fitness and nutrition, that has given me purpose and passion. You know what I'm saying when, even even growing up, I always wanted to be a football coach. I want to play football and I want to be a football coach. You know what I'm saying. So I'm not the football coach, but I'm the fitness and nutrition coach, so it's something that I've. I see that, hey, you know, this is actually something that I did want to do when, you know, you know, growing up. So this is a, this is a passion right here and I found my purpose with it, and that's just helping other people become their best self.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. And you are doing an amazing job Amazing. Do you ever think now are you spiritually connected? Yeah, do you think there's a deeper? Why Do you ever say what is the reason? Is it a deeper why that I'm going? Why am I going through this? Do you think it's a deeper why, behind what you're going through?
Speaker 2:well, when I think, when you have, when you have, uh, when God has given you, um, a passion and a purpose, I think he's ordaining you as a leader, as someone, someone that can lead other people through the things that they are going through. He chooses people. Everyone's not chosen, everyone's not chosen, that's right. You know what I'm saying. So he chooses his children for specific things and he places those gifts with people that he needs to be in the place where they need to be, places those gifts with people that he needs to be in the place where they need to be. You know what I'm saying. So I do think that he, he, he, he, he picks, you know, his children where he wants them to be. He picks the leaders that he wants to to lead people to be in better cells, not necessarily, you know, in a, in a spiritual aspect, but just making people better, living a better life, living a living a healthier life. You know, cherishing their own temple.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying. Taking care of their temple. That's my part, you know what I'm saying. That's my part of of the word, that I'm taking care of that. I believe that you know. That's the, that's the assignment that I think he's giving me. You know what I'm saying People taking care of their temple.
Speaker 1:Amen, amen. Let me ask you this Um, if you, if your son was to be, and if you could talk to him right now, today, what would you want them to know? What would you want to say to him?
Speaker 2:I would just want him to know if I could just change the situation and just did a little bit more when you know he was smaller, and got him underneath my wing, his life would be completely different than it is right now, and I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. If I could have gotten him when he was smaller, his life will be completely different right now. It'd be completely different. My life will be completely different, completely different.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying I have a bad life but I know my life might be a little bit better if he was in it, if I had a chance to to raise him, it would have. It would have. It would have matured me faster. It would have matured me faster because when he was with me, oh I was. I was on top of everything. I was on top of everything, Like I even stopped being in relationships to make sure that I could focus on him. That's how I was with it. It was 100% all him, all the time. Whatever he needed, I gave it to him. Any type of anything, whatever it was, he had it. He needed it. My attention, everything. You know what I mean. So if there was something that I could tell him, I'd tell him. I just wish I would have done more in the beginning and his life wouldn't be like it is right now, and I'm just sorry for that.
Speaker 1:What is something you wish more people would understand? You know, let's say we have a viewer that has a similar instance, a similar situation. What is some bit of advice that you can share about going through this type of pain, this type of hurt?
Speaker 2:Don't do like I do and just hold it in. Don't do like I did. Don't do like I did because it's, and don't don't do like I did. Don't do like I did because it's. It's hurting me. Now you have to learn to let it go. You have to learn to to, to accept it and let it go. You just got to learn to let it go. If you, if you, if you let it go, it could still affect you. You still think about it. You can still love them, but you just have to let it go.
Speaker 2:You have to let yourself move on. It's a hard thing to do. It's a very, very hard thing to do, but you have to let yourself move on. If you don't let yourself move on, then it's just going to eat at you for a very, very long time until you let it go. I don't know when I'm going to let it go. I don't know I've going to let it go. I don't know I've held it on so long.
Speaker 1:I don't know when I'm going to let it go.
Speaker 2:I don't know, because I hate her.
Speaker 1:I hate her.
Speaker 1:I will be frank with you, bro, that is a very hard. You don't find too many and you know this is why I have beat this, but have made this platform. And you know people, you know we, we focus on some people, just focus on women, women, women, women, what women go through, what women go through. But you know, I thought to myself well, what about the man? What about the men? You know, men don't have it. Look, I will say again, I applaud you for coming on being as transparent as you, because men, they hide things, they keep things in, they're not going to come out and be, you know, share their pain.
Speaker 1:They keep it to themselves no but here you are and that's a bigger thing. Uh, that I that's why I say you. You say you't overcome, but you're going through because here you took the boldness to step on this platform, be transparent and held no bar. We all got you hater, we know that, and you have every right to have those emotions. You know what I'm saying. We teach when we were taught younger and we about in the same, the same age. You said you're 47, I'm 54.
Speaker 1:What would we talk back then? Men, don't cry, men, do we strong? We did we. Yeah, quiet, don't, don't, don't, don't. Ever show your feelings, don't ever speak your emotions. I think that's a bunch of bull crap. I think people should be allowed to express themselves and that's a way of healing within itself. Just to say how you feel about someone who robbed you of being a man and a father that you want to be for your son. Now, everything's. You know you were given a child at a when when they were tired, and I see that's why I say things you, you, you have to know people's full story. You gotta know what's going on, because people can already just paint the narrative like oh, he didn't want to be here, yeah, he wasn't this yeah
Speaker 1:he wasn't that what women do. Girl, you know that's a deadbeat. You know all this time. You know people don't know what's going on behind closed doors and my heart really goes out to you for being that type of man who just wants to be there for his son and what. I believe in the power of prayer. I'm going to pray and I hope that the viewers do the same thing. That prayer is a wonderful thing. I know what you said you won't do, but you can't say what God won't do, because God will change you and then you be like you know what.
Speaker 1:And then that is a part of a healing, because I will tell you that I used to say and that's what I mean about talking to ourselves more than listening because I could get in my mind right now and see the hurt that my ex-husband caused some of my children and I can easily say I hate them. Right? I hate that mother joker, because my children wouldn't be suffering, my son wouldn't be suffering like he is, if he had the type of father that stood there, or my children wouldn't suffer from the mental anguishes that they have because you were a crappy father. We had five children together. You were supposed to be there, but instead, when I left you, you abused our children. Now, you know, I did the best that I could as a single mom, joined the military and you left the girls to where's their father. You know daddy, daughter dances. Where were you? And then, because you hated me, Right you took it out on our children.
Speaker 2:You're just like your mother. I swear.
Speaker 1:When I learned these things and when I talk to my children today, I say when they tell the story, I get so goddamn angry, Like this mother destroyed. You tell him that you know. Now that they are adults, they're telling me that their father used to slap them because they look like me or they act like me. Oh my God, it just take me in my mind to say you know what, God? And then when I look at him now, diabetic, not going to still be doing this, right that he went now, I said you know what God? God could do more harm than we can, yes, so when you and I pray for you to get to that moment where you just say you know what God, bless you.
Speaker 2:I need that prayer, I need that prayer. Everybody out there I need that prayer.
Speaker 1:I need that prayer, I need it and look, I pray that people hear, watch this and pray for you so you can come to a point where your son even comes to this, like you know, just comes to a realization and just falls before you and say Dad, I'm sorry, or you know, or whatever. I'm going to pray for that. And I believe that and I have faith that things will happen and change so you can overcome.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I'm praying for your overcoming. Yes, and I just thank God for the strength that you are going through now. What is some myths or, you would say, some BS narratives about your you know you, your your healing now, like you said, you didn't overcome what you're going through. What are some narratives about something that you would hear somebody say? Or has somebody said something to you like man, hurry up, you need to get over it. Or, you know, has anybody said anything like that?
Speaker 2:no, not, not really, because I, I don't, I don't really, I don't really share it. You know, this is really the first time me sharing it in depth since it happened, so I really haven't. Yeah, and that that's probably one of those reasons why, because I didn't want to hear those narratives. Oh, you the daddy, you didn't try hard enough.
Speaker 1:Oh, you didn't try hard enough. Now I have heard that before.
Speaker 2:No, bro, you didn't try hard enough. You, the father, you the man, you didn't try hard enough, bro. You don't know how hard I tried, bro, when you don't know where your child is at, when your child is somewhere and you don't know where they at, and you trying, when you do court documents, to put your name on the birth certificate. And she refused to sign and that's the only way that you can get some type of visitation for her to sign. And she refused to sign. Wow, I did, I did a lot I, I.
Speaker 1:What's the, what would be your message to somebody who doesn't see a way forward? Like you said, you continue on. You, you're resilient, you keep going through with your life, your businesses. You keep yourself active, you making yourself a better man each and every day. You have have a beautiful girlfriend. You know you're opening up to another relationship. Maybe one day marriage, who knows? I don't know?
Speaker 2:Maybe one day.
Speaker 1:So what would be your message to somebody who don't see a way?
Speaker 2:forward. Do this, do this. Think about the best version of yourself. Think about the best version of yourself. Think about the best version of yourself. Think about what that person is, think about who that person is and how that person operates on a day to day basis. And then you look at yourself and see do you match who that better of yourself is? How far you're away.
Speaker 2:Look and see how far you're away and just look at every day what would that person do? And you start doing the things that that person would do your better self. You doing things that you know you're eating well, you're working out, you know you're cultivating your relationships. You're doing all the things You're making yourself better every day. What would a person, what would your best self that's doing that, what would they be doing every day? And just start doing those things. You might not be able to do them all, but just start doing. You know one thing every single day that makes yourself better. I always say this to my clients get 1% better every day. 1% better. It doesn't have to be perfect, but just get 1% better every day. If you focus on getting 1% better every day over time, it really adds up and you'll be a whole brand new person in at least 30 days.
Speaker 2:You'll be a whole brand new person If you just continue just to sincerely build on the momentum that you build. Build on that momentum, just keep taking a step forward, even if it's a half a step. Just keep moving forward. And I found and, like I've been saying, I found purpose and passion. By doing that getting better every single day, I found purpose and passion and that's what keeps me going every single day, because I know there's somebody out there that can, that needs my help. There's somebody out there that needs my help. I can help somebody every single day. There's somebody every single day that I can put a smile on their face, and I cannot end the day until I put a smile on somebody's face.
Speaker 1:All right, carter, what's next for you?
Speaker 2:um what's next for me? Um just building my building, my business. Um just um, as always, just being about your fitness business yeah, my fitness business and barbershop business. I'm okay, yeah, I'm still. I'm still trying to build fitness business and barbershop business. Okay, yeah, I'm still trying to build my barbershop business to you know where it's a little bit more sustainable. Everything is a work in progress. Everything is a work in progress, and if you're not, if you're just staying the same, then you're not growing.
Speaker 1:So you always got to keep building, keep building, always gotta keep building, one brick at a time. Yeah, carter, I love you, I thank you my brother happy. This is father's day month that this will be aired. You are an amazing father thank you you're amazing, Father. Happy Father's Day to you every day and I pray for your peace and your healing throughout your journey. Thank you, you guys, for joining B3U. Give it up for Mr Calvin Carter, thank him. Thank him for coming on the show. See you again next time.