Burn-Break&Become Unstoppable B3u
“Welcome to B3U, the podcast where we will always speak our truths by Burning pains of the past, Breaking the broken mindset and Becoming Unstoppable, reclaim power all while walking into our purpose . I’m Bree and if you’re here today, you or someone you love has likely faced the dark reality of abuse. First, let me say this—you are not broken. You are not defined by what happened to you. You are here, and that means there is hope, strength, and a future waiting for you.
Here we will be diving into the journey of healing. We’ll talk about the aftermath of abuse, how to reclaim your voice, and the steps toward true freedom and find your purpose . Whether you’re just beginning to process your experience or you’re deep into your healing journey, this podcast is for you!
Burn-Break&Become Unstoppable B3u
Breaking Through Racism and Sexism in the Military
When Monique Smith became a warrant officer in the military, she never expected the battlefield would be within her own unit. As a Black woman and subject matter expert in information systems, she discovered that her greatest challenge wasn't the technical complexities of her job, but the racism and sexism that threatened to undermine her expertise and achievements.
"They don't like to see that a woman knows more than they do, but tap on, the Black woman knows more than the white officer," Monique explains, detailing how male colleagues would deliberately sabotage her systems to make her look incompetent. The constant battle to prove herself pulled her away from her naturally laid-back personality, creating health problems and mental strain that seemed insurmountable.
What makes this conversation with Bree Charles especially powerful is Monique's candid description of her healing journey. After realizing "this is not you," she turned inward, developing spiritual practices that restored her sense of self. Her advice for anyone facing discrimination resonates deeply: "Remember who you are. When you walk in you, they cannot mess with you."
Throughout her 21-year military career, Monique's leadership philosophy evolved into one of nurturing potential rather than punishing mistakes. She shares touching stories of soldiers she mentored – from the suicidal young man who later thrived as a sergeant to the anxious soldier with high blood pressure who's now an E7 in Special Forces. These examples illustrate her profound understanding that "there's no me without us" and that true leadership requires seeing beyond immediate behaviors to recognize underlying struggles.
Now retired and planning to open an assisted living facility, Monique embodies the spirit of resilience and self-acceptance. Her grounding techniques and meditation practices offer practical tools for anyone navigating hostile environments while trying to maintain inner peace. This conversation isn't just about surviving workplace discrimination – it's a master class in reclaiming your authentic self and turning trauma into wisdom that benefits others.
Hello, hello everyone. All my viewers and all my listeners, welcome to Be Free you with your girl, bree Charles, and here we have yet another amazing, astounding woman, ms Monique Smith. Welcome her to the show. We welcome you and thank you for coming on and sharing your experience. I am loving it. So, ms Monique, big sis, as I call her, please just tell us a little bit about yourself, because I can tell everything about you and be here all day.
Speaker 2:I'm going to let you go ahead can tell everything about you and be here all day. I'm gonna let you go ahead, okay. So my name is monique smith, I am a travel agent, uh, so I, my travel agent, is called most travel, yeah so if you ever want to book a cruise, get online to most travel. For most travel, dot com. Forward slash teletravel yeah.
Speaker 1:So what kind of what kind of travel agent like do you just do? Do you do everything like hotels or cruises, or do you?
Speaker 2:Well, I just I just trickled back down to just doing cruises because majority of the clients that I have want to go on cruises. I have a few people that want to go to resorts and stuff like that, but majority of people want to do the cruises now.
Speaker 1:Okay, so cruises is the big thing.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So the big thing, the biggest thing, all right, follow the money.
Speaker 2:So tell me about your military experience.
Speaker 1:You are a military veteran.
Speaker 2:Okay, I was in the military for 21 years, four months and 24 days, and how?
Speaker 1:many hours a minute.
Speaker 2:We didn't break down like that I'm just telling you what's on my DD-214. Okay, Okay, so, yeah, so I was the beginning of my career. I was just a signal air, I was a route operator. And what a route operator is? Basically we work with infantry and work with the radios. Work with infantry and work with the radios so like the tankers can like relay, you know their calls and stuff like that through communication right in my system. In the second 10 years I decided to become a warrant officer, so I became a subject matter expert in information systems and security. Awesome. So yeah, girl.
Speaker 1:Okay, awesome, awesome, awesome. So yeah, how would you say your military experience? I mean, we all go through bumps and bruises in our military career, but would you say it was a good experience overall?
Speaker 2:Well, overall, it was a learning experience overall. Well, overall, it was a learning, learning experience. I'll tell you that because originally I'm from brooklyn, new york, yeah, and joining the military. Even though I was the spouse of a tanker in the military, I I never encountered the racism and the sexism that I did in the military, not until I became an officer. When I was an enlisted NCO, it was okay because I was dealing with the lower enlisted, as they call them. When you switch over and become an officer, it's a whole different a whole different story.
Speaker 1:So let's let's talk a little bit about your trauma, because I feel as though it ties into that. What is the the what? Share a little bit of your story, because I I feel like we're going into like the whole military thing. So tell us a little bit about your story did it happen in the military. Is it military related?
Speaker 2:yes, so there, you tell us a little bit about?
Speaker 1:tell us a little bit about your story.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 2:So, being a warrant officer, you're the subject matter expert in your field, so you're supposed to know everything, almost everything you know. So it's like dealing with white senior officers. They don't like, first of all, they don't like to see that a woman knows more than they do, but, tap on, the black woman knows more than the white officer. Yeah, no, you know what I'm saying. So it's like I know they. You know, it's known that we have to work 10 times harder than the next person to get where we want to be. But when you're in the military and you're in like close proximity of these colonels and majors and stuff and and they want to take the credit for everything, they don't want the general to know that a woman, black woman, came up with these ideas to make these systems work better. So I had to. I had to battle. I had one incident with the warrant officer counterpart. We go out in the field and he worked a day shift because he likes to smoke and joke with the higher-ups, and I worked a night shift. So it seemed like all the systems went down when he got off work. When he got off work, he got off of, uh, his shift and we came in, just like all the systems would go down all of a sudden I'm like, well, what's going on? So me and my senior seo trying to figure out what's going on, we're going through all that stuff, everything's working on our end. So I go to his night shift and I'm like, okay, could you check and make sure your stuff is going? Because my systems it's like I'm time warning and he's I'm like I'm the service, he's time warner. And then he pushes out the service to you know the customers, the, you know everybody else that's in this war fight and it would just go down all of a sudden. So push fast forward. One of my captains, a female, caught one of his soldiers putting in a code. He would put a code in on his system so I couldn't see it, so it was in on their side that blocked my system from coming in. So that's when all the services went down, because I'm the one providing the service. So when she found out, when she saw him, she was like what are you doing? And he kind of like closed the window on his system, on his computer. She's like, no, open that bag. So it's like stuff like that you have to battle. You know he wanted to get the top block. And when I say top block it's like different grades of officers warrant officers, lieutenants, captains, majors, so forth and so on. If you get the top block then you're like the top of that uh grade, that field grade. So instead of him working with me, us working together to make sure our colonel was, you know, g to g. When the no, you will knock me off, so I look bad and you can get the top spot. So that's basically what I battled. I battled that with a comrade. He was a lower enlisted for me he was a W1, I was a W2. But then I had to turn around and battle majors. So it's like I just you know.
Speaker 2:But then I decided I'm going to reach out to my seniors. So I reached out to the seniors up in the, the um core level that I've worked with in the past on different assignments, who knew me, who knew what I could, and I reached out to them and they got my back. We got everything together. I jumped in on their system and everything pushed out. It's like it lit up like Christmas tree when I jumped in on their system and everything pushed out. It's like it lit up like Christmas tree when I jumped in on their system. So then everybody started to know that it wasn't me. It wasn't me and my team that was blocking you know all the services. So once I did that, I was like you know what Let me sit back here and stop worrying about everybody else and worry about not even worry about me, but take control of me, because it pulled me out of myself. It brought out that anger that I've never had.
Speaker 1:I've always been a laid back person so that that's what I was going to ask you. So this, this is an experience for you with racism, because you were an outstanding warrant officer and this is for our viewers to kind of track where we're going. You are an outstanding black female in your field and you had a white major yes, white White. You're a white major that knew how good you were. So this affected you throughout your military career. So you said that you was a military warrant the 10 last years of your service. So how, actually, the last 11 years, the last 11 years? So tell me how this situation affected you and put you into a space where you were just like surviving or just going through the motions to make it through your last 11 years, and when did you start to heal? Or what more did you see to say that this was a struggle for you in your career?
Speaker 2:So I began, like I said, I reached out to other seniors, other colonels and majors that I worked with outside of my brigade, that I've worked with in the past. You know what I'm saying that I didn't have this problem, you know, and they knew my work. So they came in and got my back. You know what I'm saying that I didn't have this problem, you know, and they knew my work. So they came in, they got my back. You know what I'm saying. They was like, okay, let me see what's going on. And I was like, just let me join on you. So I joined their systems and then everything worked. You know what I'm saying. So then they realized what was going on.
Speaker 2:But what made me what it did to me mentally was it put me in defense mode? You know saying I was so defensive, I was so angry because I knew me and my team. So you know, because I have a team that I work with, you know I'm saying so. I'm trying to cover their back, making sure they get their good credits. You know credit for the stuff. So I'm trying to cover their back, making sure they get their good credit. You know credit for the stuff that they do, because I had some really smart soldiers, okay, and so I had to stop.
Speaker 2:I was like you coming out of yourself, this is somebody I did not recognize. I did not recognize you know, because, like I used to run, run into other NCOs, they was like you got kids. You don't seem like somebody who got kids, you're that age, you don't seem so laid back. But then it came to anger, the angry moment, and that wasn't who I was and I can feel that it wasn't who I was because I started getting sick. So it's like when you come up out of who you originally are, that's when those diseases and you know, like high blood pressure, diabetes, all of that comes in. Because you came out of yourself, you understand what I mean. It's like you letting all these different energies come and it's pulling you out and it's tearing you down.
Speaker 1:Did the racism affect your work, work, work ethics as well? Did you? Did you know working, how you still kept pushing to be the same.
Speaker 2:I kept pushing girl. It became a fight, not to physically, you know, throw somebody off, you understand. It's like I had to fight and keep my sanity. I had to fight because what, like I said, I have a team. I have a team of soldiers that I'm training. I have to train them were they affected by?
Speaker 2:any of it. I wouldn't let them get affected. It's like I took the brunt of everything I just explained. Oh, it's okay, we're going to be. But they knew that what they were doing was correct because it was validated by outside things. Was it a?
Speaker 1:mixture of race and with soldiers correct?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I didn't have just African-American soldiers, I had Hispanic soldiers, I had white soldiers, you know what I'm saying. And we were a team. I would always make sure they cross-trained so everybody knew how to do everybody's job. Just in case somebody got sick, they were able to take their time off and it wouldn't disturb the mission. But it's like they it's kind of like they became how do you say it, I don't even know the words for it my comforters. They would come up and they'd be like gee, it's okay, it's going to be all right, you know they'll bring me something. You know.
Speaker 1:So they saw it, they saw what was going on.
Speaker 2:They saw it. They saw it and you know, and they was like, oh, that ain't right, it's that next one. But I started healing myself by closing off all the negative energy. I began to meditate, I began to dive deeper into spirituality, and spirituality is not Christian christian. So it's like I have my own, uh, relationship with god. You know, some people call them the. I am yahweh buddha. It's still the same person, you know. It's still the same entity. So I began to have my own relationship and I would go girl, I was on my knees just to keep my sanity. So I finally came up out of that darkness, slowly, because it was a long journey. I came up out of that darkness and here I am today. I mean, I, did you ever feel a pressure?
Speaker 1:Did you ever feel a pressure to hurry up and get over it? Or you know something to that nature, like you know, or or talk to yourself to say this is the norm. Racism always been here, whatever I mean. Was there ever those pressures to like, minimize the racism that you experience?
Speaker 2:well, what I used to do, me personally, what I would do is just ignore it. I'd be like, whatever you know, keep doing what I was supposed to do. I would ignore it. But you know, over time it blows up. You can only turn to other people, so to speak. But so many times, you know. And then I started I had to seek help for myself, and then that's when I became more spiritual and I ran across a lady who was like I know, God put her in my path and she helped me get to where I am now, you know. So it's like I'm not trying to deter anyone from joining the military, because everybody's experience is different.
Speaker 1:And I would say that you know this, this, this your experience. You know it doesn't have to be just a military person. I'm sure that there are women, men, experiencing trauma and in other places, other work spaces.
Speaker 1:So I wouldn't say it's just, you know it's good for our military listeners because we all understand you know at some form or some part that you know we had to. You know, I wouldn't say I would say if I did experience racism, I didn't recognize it, because my thing is like I think I had the experience of love. We all just trying to make it back home, so we all had each other. Now I would say I experienced the sexism that you know, just because I was a female. You know, but that's why I always went hard, went strong, you know, but that's why I always went hard, went strong. And then that's just for anybody, any woman of color in a workspace, we always have to prove ourselves to be the best. You know, I watch Jasmine Crockett. You know, amazing, amazing councilwoman who makes sure she crosses every T and every. She has to work harder than anybody else in her field.
Speaker 2:So this is I actually have to pick up the spirit that she has. That spirit like, look, this is blah, blah, blah and have my receipts. You know what I'm saying. That's when I had to start. That's when I say I pulled back and had to start taking care of myself. That's when you know you pull back and you know what you know. So can't nobody shoot you down. I can pull them regs out. Here we go Because we had to, we had to, and even out in the workforce, workforce, out in the civilian sector. You have to know what you're doing. You have to have those receipts. So when you're trying to climb up that corporate ladder and then people it don't even have to be, you know, white people it could be, your own race because, trust me, I ran into that tip, you know, so it's like you have to know.
Speaker 2:Unfortunately, we have, like you said, we have to work harder.
Speaker 1:You know, yeah, but even and you're right with that too, even, you know, even what I noticed one thing again in the military or in the civilian realm just being a woman, you know, I believe that that's a little piece of our Kamala Harris not having a successful presidency. I don't think it. Just, I don't think people look at women like we are strong enough or qualified enough to do a job that a man, supposedly, is set to do, and so, even though we show our worth, we still sometimes just are not afforded that opportunity to do the job that we know we can't. And it's funny because you know, um, I say all the time women, we are the nurturer, we can't, you, we, we wear so many hats as, as a woman with not not only were you a communications specialist, you was a mother, you was a doctor when the kids got sick, and then when you're in that top, that space of being a top role, having a top role like you or your one, so we've got women out here, there's CEOs, whatever we have people underneath us.
Speaker 1:Women out here, that is yo's, whatever we have people underneath us. So not only were you, you know, the chief warrant officer of your field, but then you have people under you and what. What happens with that? Oh, chief, my toenail hurt. Yeah, yeah, with some going at home, and so and I have more children than what I birthed Than what you birthed.
Speaker 1:And when you're faced with things on top of because and I know what you're talking about, because you're always looked at to fail and not only do they set you up to fail, but they don't, you know, not realizing that, the amount of stress that that puts on somebody, because now you're fighting to do to prove yourself worthy of the job that you're doing. Also, you're taking care of all those soldiers that are underneath you, yeah, who see what you're going through, but they have their own struggles, so you, you're lifting them up.
Speaker 1:then you got the family at home, you got the children and you married with the ex-husband at the time.
Speaker 2:Oh no, we weren't together when I turned 10.
Speaker 1:Oh, you weren't together, okay, okay mom, okay, but you still had the children. You still had to go through all those phases. And this is what I'm saying when I look at women, and especially if you're holding high positions, to hear some of the stories that we have to go through. I applaud them all. I applaud them all. So I want to know what was the most surprising part of your healing process when you said to yourself, like you said, you're spiritual, you had to look inside your spiritual self. Like you said, you're spiritual, you had to look inside your spiritual self. And I heard you mention there was a lot of tools that you used, like meditation, things like that.
Speaker 2:So what surprised you when you started your healing process? What surprised me was that all of that was already inside. So it wasn't hard for me to do it. You know, it wasn't hard for me to look inside. It was hard for me to come out of the darkness of that anger. You know what I'm saying. But once I realized that, okay, you know, like you said, you have to sit there and talk to yourself Because literally I, like you, know, that's not who you are, this is not what we're doing, what do we want? So I had to answer those three questions. I had to face those three, you know, and I was like got kids, I have young people I need to be here for. I have soldiers I need to be here for. I had one soldier down range who told me he was going to kill himself. He was going to kill himself because he found out the woman that he married before he deployed, that he only known for two or three months, was cheating on him.
Speaker 2:Right, he only known for two or three months was cheating on him, right you know. And I had to pull, I had to take off cheap and put on mama. You know what I'm saying. I was like, okay, so you're gonna go ahead, just let me know when you're gonna do it so I can have all the paperwork ready so her and her boyfriend can get your insurance and live out their life. And boy, let me tell you, three years later I seen him down range. He was a sergeant in the military and we looked at each other. He was at a different brigade. He looked at me and he just smiled. I was like you know what I'm saying. I'm like you going to go ahead and do that. You think people are going gonna stop living cause you no, sir.
Speaker 1:So let me ask you the trauma that you experienced with the racism and sexism and again, you're still helping soldiers how did that shape your? Did that help the trauma from the racism and sexism? You still did what you had to do for family soldiers. Did it help shape your purpose?
Speaker 2:Yes, it did, because, like I said, I had to stop and say this is not you, the dark side, this is you. You know I'm Monique, I'm mama, I'm leader, I'm mentor. You know what? I'm, monique, I'm mama, I'm leader, I'm mentor. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:I have these are things. You're a psychologist, doctor, psychologist Ooh wait, let me think I know. But it's like all those hats. I had to stand up and put them into one hat. Instead of being five or six different hats, I had to put one hat on my head and be like this is what we're going to do, and what I did was I pulled myself together. I pulled all of those people the mama, the doctor, the leader, the mentor. I put it all in one place and I got back to who I was, because originally that's who I was. I wasn't an angry person. It's like you would see me every morning. Hey, good morning, how you doing Blah, blah, blah. I knew who to. You know what I'm saying. You sit back and you watch and you know who to stay away from. That's what caused trauma in the military, but I just was. I had to get back to who I was and then go forward with it.
Speaker 1:Before we all joined the service, we all have our purpose and our reasons. Why Did you just? Was it a reason why you joined the military?
Speaker 2:Well, I joined the military honestly to provide for my kids Because, like I said, me and their dad, my dad and I wanted them all to go to college, Because I've always talked to my kids what do you want to do, what's your end game, what's your goal in life? And you know, all of them had one wanted to be a doctor, another one wanted to be a police woman and the other one he just didn't know what he wanted to do. But I always talk to them. You know, come on, we got to figure out what we're going to do so we can get on that path. And if that's the right path, you're going to stay on that path. If not, god will be where you need to be. You know and see, that's who I was before I joined the military.
Speaker 1:Before you joined and you just joined to make a better way for a better life for your children. You come in and you change over and you hit with the racism and the sexism. You're like what the hell you know, and I wasn't ready for it I wasn't ready for it, because I didn't recognize it.
Speaker 2:You know, coming from new york, you would think so.
Speaker 1:But I mean it's a different I grew up with italians.
Speaker 2:I grew up with Italians, jamaicans even the Scottish, irish, english. New York is the melting pot.
Speaker 1:That's the melting pot. You can find it all in New York.
Speaker 2:Exactly, I never had a problem with that. Never had a problem with it until I became a one-off, not even as an enlisted soldier.
Speaker 1:It didn't break you, it didn't tear you down, it surprised you, it shook you up. Of course, you kept going through that.
Speaker 2:Unfortunately, you don't have no choice. It's not like I was a civilian and I could quit my job. Right oh yeah, and then go over here and get another one I probably could have. It would have wrecked my whole career, like there was nobody going to hire you you had back in our time of service.
Speaker 1:I mean you really had to be a true dirt bag. I mean you just literally had to sit and not do nothing in order to get removed from the military, because they was going to keep you, because they spent about a nice pretty penny to get you in there, so they were going to keep you in there. You was just going to do some hard work for thousands of dollars.
Speaker 1:So it's like you know. I'm sure we can elaborate more on all the. I would say I did Like I said I experienced the sexism and this is not just for people in the military, but a corporate job experience and racism, sexism not even just for white people, but it could be your own, not even just with white people, but it could be your own. So my question is what would we say? I know what I would say, but what would you say to someone who feels like their position is not being valued or they're not being valued because of the color they skin or because they are women? What would you tell someone? What advice can you give somebody in that?
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm going to tell you the first thing that came into my mind as you was asking that question. First thing that came to my mind was go sit down, find somewhere quiet, nobody's around. Go, take your seat, be quiet. Just sit there and remember, forget what you're going through, forget what you're going through, remember who you are, remember who you are, remember who you are. And once you remember who you are, it gets easier for you to come up and be like okay, all right, you see how them shoulders go with that. Yeah, all right, okay, you want to be like that. Okay, bam, you just come full forth with what you got. They cannot not recognize you because now you're walking in you, if that makes sense. When you walk in you, they cannot mess with you. They're going to see you, they're going to see what's going on.
Speaker 1:Oh, they're gonna they're gonna see you, but they can't. They still ain't gonna be able to stand you because they're gonna look at this.
Speaker 2:Oh, but see you cannot. It's okay if you can't stand me, but the people who need to see me will see me, it's like it's like you know, you don't have to understand me, but you're going to respect me.
Speaker 1:I was just talking to my daughter just yesterday and this is the same story and she's very introverted, which you know. That she's an introverted person. She's experienced a lot of bullying and a lot of things, so she's really quiet and she was in the Navy. Navy treated her wrong, you know, and she's like she was telling me this incident had to happen and she said, mom, you know. She said I need to ask you something Because you know, as we can see, racism, I mean it's always been there, but it's been kicked up now.
Speaker 1:I mean, people are just free with it now. I won't say everybody, because I think mostly I will say most people or some people, I don't know what the ratio is. But in the area that I live in and I am the only, the only Black person, we are the only Black family in our community, and I will say that I have some awesome, pretty level-headed neighbors. But my daughter said that she was at a store at the gas station and she was coming up to a counter and a white man went in front of her and put her his stuff down and then looked at her. That gave her the like, and what type of situation. And because she has anger and built a trauma from the military again with sexism and stuff like that, um, she was so angry and she wanted to unleash. But see my daughter's type that what if she unleashes? Like let's all pray? And then I had to tell her and she said Mom, I need your advice Because, as he did that, I wanted to go in.
Speaker 1:But she said what I did was I just kind of. You know, she was quiet, she went ahead and let him do what she wanted, what he wanted to do. She paid for stuff. And then she said when she got in the car she was mad as shit. Like she was mad, like, oh, I shouldn't have let that get away. I mean she like she wanted to go and find him and give him the business after the fact, because she, you know, when you're talking about racism, sexism, bullying and all that stuff, wakanda, sometimes we just fold back in ourselves and we be quiet and she said did I do the right thing?
Speaker 2:She did the right thing because he was looking for it. He was looking for it. He did that on purpose, to look for it, and I'm telling you spirit told her back up, just pull back.
Speaker 1:I said I'm going to tell you. And for the, you know I'm going to tell you. You know I'm very transparent. So, look, I was a thug, okay. And I told my daughter. I said learn from, I'm not thug. I told her. I said, listen, baby girl, I'm not. I told her. I said listen, baby girl, I'm going to tell you why. You did the right thing, because she has two beautiful children, two beautiful children.
Speaker 1:Had you had acted upon people's ignorance and they don't know who they're being ignorant to you would have done that. Then where would you have been? I said you would be in jail. And she was like, well, that's okay, mom, because I know you're going to take care of my kid. And I said but okay, and see, this is my message to all young people that are viewing too.
Speaker 1:Regardless what you are faced with, you know they're not everybody is going to like the skin that you're in hell. Some of the like, like we say, all skin folk ain't kinfolk either. So they, some people are out here to you know, get ahead, keep other people down. And I said, regardless of what somebody you you always like, have to think it out, because, okay, you'd be in jail, but then you got to think about jail. Now you gotta say your booty from jail. You know, you got your booty in jail and when I said that she kind of was like, oh, oh, maybe jail ain't for me okay. So this is why we have to teach our youth, we have to speak to those like, because it could have been plenty. I've plenty of times where you know, um, like I said, mine was sexism, where I could have just blew up right then and there been sitting in somebody's military jail or what. But the greatest lesson that I've learned is that you can kill a person with kindness and more knowledge, more knowledge, that's what I was talking about.
Speaker 2:You got to know what you're talking about and people that you know don't like you. You be like yeah, uh-huh. Hey, I didn't say socialize, I said hey, girl, or you know hey man, what they say in the military, whore meant anything, girl, my whore was straight ratchet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, whore to me, whore girl, whore, first sign, kiss my ass, look, look how about this one?
Speaker 2:How about this one? I say whore, I say whore I say whore, I say who.
Speaker 1:I say who, I say who. You know, it was so many times that I had that we, as women in the military, we had to use that type of terminology to play the game in life. I say who. Look, I say who. Like, fuck you, you ugly ass bitch.
Speaker 2:You know, it was plenty of times I would just stare, I'd just be like they'd be like Chief you all right, it was just one colonel. She would just always try to talk to me, talk to me, and I used to be like you know, I wouldn't disrespect her. She asked me something, I would answer. But if I had to answer nothing, I would just be looking at her girl. She was so intimidated by me she used to give me coins every time she said he had jeans and I was like I'm not mad at you, I had an E4. And her, I think you know her. What is her name? She's from Sierra Leone. You know who I'm?
Speaker 1:talking about? Okay, yes, I know who you're talking about, but I want to call her.
Speaker 2:I don't want to call her name out, but she, when she got promoted and I promoted her, she was there and she was talking and she said something that I will never forget. She said my father always said if I didn't have anything to say, don't say anything.
Speaker 2:So from the time I pinned that chick, she was E4. She became an officer. She still kept that same mentality. She's out now. She retired now, girl, she was and she was.
Speaker 2:I had some inspirational soldiers I mean good soldiers and you have to nurture the good ones, even the ones that give you problems. You have to nurture the good ones, even the ones that give you problems. You have to pull to the side, because I had this one in Korea. Oh my God. I had to pull him to the side and say you are so much better. God has so much for you in your future. You need to come correct. You need to get your stuff together and stop playing around, get your life right and move forward.
Speaker 2:Another one he used to just be nervous about everything. His blood pressure was all over the place. If he see this right now, he's going to be like gee. It was so bad so they wanted to chapter him out because every time he went to the doctor his blood pressure would be high. So I sat him down. I said come sit here. I said does the doctor make you nervous? And he said yes, chief, I get so scared when I go to the doctor's office, so I taught him how to meditate. Tell me why that E1, straight out of basic in AIT, is the E7 now in special force? Oh wow, he's in Fort Bragg, fort Liberty, whatever they want to call it. Now he's the E7, just got married, about to have a baby and we stay in contact.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying. I never tore my soldiers down, Even when they was doing wrong. I would sit them down and be like, look, I'm going to need tore my soldiers down, Even when they was doing wrong.
Speaker 1:I would sit them down and be like look yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm going to need you to come on. I'm going to need you to get right, because what did you come in the military for? Just like I did my kids. What is your angle? What do you see yourself doing? What do you want to do? You sit them down and you talk to them like they got some sense. You talk to them like they're an adult, no matter how old they are. They adult now because they're in real life.
Speaker 1:Yes, they're ready.
Speaker 2:Your mama had to sign for you or not. You have to sit them down and tell them look that foolery you doing, right, there is gonna get you xyz and I need to figure it out.
Speaker 1:That's real good. That's real good right there, because that's the same thing that you know, um, in my non, my nonprofit business, when I have volunteers or whatever they've done.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, I'm going to need y'all to come and donate to the House of Humanity. The House of Humanity. We help the homeless, homeless families and victims of domestic domestic violence.
Speaker 1:Low income families yeah, and what I would say to uh, our volunteers that may be doing volunteer hours for everything, you know you don't want to beat them down and they're already doing volunteer work for um, whatever. But I had one volunteer um he was volunteering, he was service for it because he had to DUI and after somebody has already messed up in their life, the last thing you want to do is beat them down. So I like what you said about when your soldiers was messing up, and that's even again in the corporate world, especially for us men and women of color. Don't, if you see somebody messing they messing up, don't be so quick to beat them down. You know, lift them up even though they're messing up.
Speaker 1:They may be messing up, but the only way we're going to get stronger and better is that if we police up ourselves and move as one unit and so I never know what that person may be going through.
Speaker 2:They may be going through something that's sidestepping. So you pull them to the side and be like, not in front of everybody. Don't do that, because then they get on the defense. You pull them off by themselves and you be like look, I don't know what's going on with you, but this and this is going to get you fired If you want to tell me what's going on, that's fine.
Speaker 2:If you don't, you need some help from me or whatever. Let me know, because I believe in helping my sisters and brothers rise. There's no me without us. You understand what I'm saying. So it's like in the black community. We need to come together.
Speaker 1:I don't want to be done.
Speaker 2:If she make more money than I do, I'm on her ride. I'm like okay.
Speaker 1:Some people's positions go to their heads. Let's talk about that, how people's positions could go to their heads. I was a young private coming in the military from the streets of West Philadelphia, born and raised, you know.
Speaker 2:Okay, that combination by itself is dangerous.
Speaker 1:I came in as a woman who has been abused her whole entire life. So when I came in I was with the rah-rah, as we call it, like what? Who you talking to? I know you ain't talking to me. And again, I was 30 years old when I joined at one time. So real quick story is I came in from the streets being abused. I had an aggressive nature. It's because I vow vowed to myself nobody will ever abuse me again.
Speaker 1:I joined this army for a purpose blah, blah, blah. Now I had a first son. I ain't gonna say a name, but if she's listening, you know who you are, you know, you know, but you know because you know. I came in because I literally didn't have a clue. I didn't even know what an insurance bill was. I just knew I had to pay for my car or whatever, and I didn't have insurance.
Speaker 1:So a lot of things that I believe that my leadership should have done. And they were all black, all black. I believe that what they should have done, instead of down looking down on me like, oh, can't get right, oh, can't do right, or can't you know what I'm saying they didn't take the time to get to know who I was so they could see how to service me. So you know what this first son said to me. Let me tell you what she said, girl, she said I'm gonna send you back on the on the block, since you want to act like you're on the block. I want to send you back to the block.
Speaker 1:And I was like, okay, you know, I would be good, you know. And she tried to have me removed out the military and put me back on the block where she felt as though I belong. It took a white man to look at me and I mean they say it was crazy. I forgot, I wish I could remember his name, but we was in Fort Lewis Okay, that lightning patch brigade, ok, all right. And he looked at me and he used to when he would talk to his wife because you know he they brought me in the office and he was on the phone and he would answer his phone.
Speaker 1:One man that's how he would talk to his wife. They said he talked to a bird, he had a, whatever. I don't give a damn.
Speaker 1:He was cool with me, he was up looked and you know, you got the first sergeant and all them, you know my platoon sergeant all pieces of crap. Okay, Because they didn't care to take the time to be leaders to find out why and what's going on with this young woman. They didn't care. This white man, he looked at me and he said you know what he said, I'm not going to kick you out. He said what you need is some rehabilitation. And he gave me my 45, 45. I did time and he sent me to a new unit where I progressed.
Speaker 1:I lost all my rank, all my rank. I lost every single bit of it. Okay, and that was the first time too, by the way, but we're getting at it. But what he did for me was he gave me a chance, and then I went up under new leadership and I excelled. I made all my rank back, all that they took from me, I made all my rank back.
Speaker 1:All that they took from me, I make all I made all my rank back and that kind of showed me that I don't have no time for you know this foolishness. Yeah, I am angry, you know, but you know I feel like nobody was giving. But I knew that I couldn't keep going backwards and money I had to get right because my children don't deserve that. I joined this military to keep going backwards. So I just wanted to share that story because we need to find out, like you know. Find out what is the underlying thing. Why is this? Don't be so quick to tear them down and throw them out and leave them for nothing. We have to look deep into our young people. See, or young people, or people. They don't even have to be young, you know, they could be in our age range and it has to be something that has happened to make this person.
Speaker 1:Now you can lead a horse to water, son, you can't make them drink, but at least give it a try. So I do, I do, totally agree with that and at least offer them the water. Yeah, offer, you know, just stop. You know we just so quick to just give up. But that was then. But you know, what I do now is I look back and I think that first time she did see me, matter of fact, in your area, she saw me and she was like, because I used to be Harvey, and you know, of course, now I'm Charles and she saw me and anybody that called me Harvey.
Speaker 2:I'm like, oh, Like ooh, they remember that.
Speaker 1:Oh, if you call me Harvey, you knew me at my raw military career. Ok, and so when she said Harvey, I was like oh, and then I remembered that voice. So it was like I know that ain't this and it sure was. It was her, and she looked at my chest and I was wearing my staff sergeant rank, ever so proudly.
Speaker 1:And then when I saw was, I stuck out my chest even more. Hey, first sergeant I think she was a sergeant major then and I was like I stuck out my chest and was like, hey, sergeant major, how you doing? She was like what, Look at you, staff sergeant. I didn't even know you were still in.
Speaker 2:I wanted to say you know what you should have said.
Speaker 1:You tried to destroy me. Yes, I mean, you know, but I humbled myself, as I told my daughter, you know, humble yourself and that will eat at somebody even more. Just to humble yourself, smile and be like, and I just smiled, like Roger that term major I did, I made it and, doing very well, and, you know, left it at that, got her phone number and you know, you know, I have that very given kind heart. But I said you know what people like, that once you show me, once that, you know, I mean she could have changed. But I didn't want to even take the necessary steps because you tried to destroy me, not knowing what I've been through already. So, uh, that's why I told my daughter you can do, you just by. You know there was no need to go back and try to find them and beat them up.
Speaker 2:You, you just, you can do so many other things yeah because they're looking for that people look for. They try to provoke. They try to provoke you because they want to start something. They want to attack you. Have a reason to call you out, your name and stuff. I know it took a lot because, trust me, I know it took a lot for her to pull it back. But you have to read these energies out here, unfortunately. You have to read the energies out here, unfortunately. You have to read the entities out here, because it's all.
Speaker 1:Let's let some of this, this, these things that we experience, to say okay, because this things that people set for you as a failure should drive you even more to say watch, watch me work. You know, if people are out there and they're downing you and you're downplaying you and your skill because of your skin color or your gender, all you just got to do is sit back and be like okay, all right, you know all you gotta do is, like I said, remember who you are remember who, remember who you are, or even find, do better to find who you are and say, once you find out who you are, nobody could take that from you.
Speaker 1:So, miss monique, let me ask you, what are you doing today to protect your peace and energy? Now you know, uh, now that you're like this first breakthrough because you are a beautiful, strong black woman. This I know. So how do you continue to daily protect your peace, not just from the racism and sexism, but from anything that you're doing, because I'm sure that you know, even in business, you know things could come up. How do you protect your peace?
Speaker 2:do you really want to?
Speaker 1:know, don't mislead you.
Speaker 2:Yes, we're going to jump back to my spirituality. Okay, I tell you, you have to find your peace. When you find your peace and you stand strong in it, you stand grounded, ground yourself. And when I'm going it, you stand grounded, ground yourself. And I'm going to teach you how to ground yourself.
Speaker 2:You can either go outside or you can envision yourself standing on the earth, in the grass or the dirt or whatever, and you envision these roots growing out of your feet. And when the roots come out of your feet and they go into the earth, you need to pray and ask the earth to send you that positive energy. And you envision in your mind's eye. You envision that white light coming through your body, proud of your head, and that white light is healing light. That's peace. So, on top of meditation, you ground yourself and then you meditate. And when you meditate, that's when you sit, you be quiet. You get all that out your mind.
Speaker 2:And it's not easy, because ego is your mind. Ego is when your mind is telling you no, you can't do that, no, that's too hard, oh, he's not gonna like that. You know, anything negative is your ego, and your ego is not who you are. It's part of you, but it's not who you are, you understand. I mean, it's good. It would take a whole lot more than this podcast for me to explain it to you, because I had to. Like I said when I began to find myself and get my peace back and take my mind back, it just brought me to this wonderful place.
Speaker 2:When I say I am so grateful for what God has given me, what he's done for me, doing for me and what he will do for me, I don't know if you call him God, yahweh, buddha, allah, it doesn't matter what you call him. He is the one source, one force, one source. You just got to be grateful Even for the hard source. One force, one source. You just got to be grateful even for the hard times. I'm grateful because it made me stronger. You know what I'm saying. You had to pick yourself up. So what I do is I meditate, I ground myself, I meditate and I give out love from my heart, chakra. I send out love and peace to the world and that's me doing my part.
Speaker 1:You know what?
Speaker 2:I'm saying that's me doing my part in this world, you know yeah.
Speaker 2:Letting you take responsibility for your own actions and not letting someone else determine how you feel and how you walk about your day exactly. So I mean, I could be feeling like this you're gonna see a smile on my face because I'm emulating myself to you. I don't want you to feel hmm, hmm, hmm. I want you to feel happy, so I'm going to smile. You know what I'm saying. I'm going to give you that smile and that's how I keep myself. That's how I keep myself. I's how I keep myself. I try to stay positive, you know my partner drives me crazy sometimes.
Speaker 1:I'm talking about my brother.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love him to pieces. You already know how your brother is. He's one of them. Real people, really raw people. You have to be like I do.
Speaker 1:Don't make me go back to christian, right and yeah, look, I would love uh for our viewers and our listeners. Her husband is a black retired infantryman. Now, with that being said, that's all that's crazy.
Speaker 2:Wait, wait, wait, I'm going to need you to say it. Right, he's a black 11 Bravo infantry ranger, ranger, he's a ranger, he's a raw ranger.
Speaker 1:Our military personnel understand that he he's crazy. Our civilian, uh, they probably don't know, but I would love to uh interview with him because it's not a. You know, we as black women, yes, but our black men go through some things in the military realm and in a corporate workforce as well, but that will be a later topic. So, ms Moseley, tell me what's next for you. What's next for you and what are you using and how are you using your voice today? I already see that you know you did have work with the House of Manatees, still do a lot of volunteer work, so your heart and your passion is truly going to be fundraising soon so tell me what's what's next for you, any ideas, anything that you have?
Speaker 2:any goals that you want to do. I'm in the process of opening an assistant living home. So we are uh, me and my sister we haven't chosen where we're going to start yet. North Carolina, my husband's cousin has several facilities in Florida. I want to open in North Carolina. She started in North Carolina. She's helping us with the paperwork. I want to open a facility here. Get my feet wet, because these facilities here are kind of subpar. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:And my mom and my grandmother always had clients, you know, but they stayed with them in their home. In their homes, you know, they could function on their own, like they could go to work, but they couldn't live on their homes. You know they could function on their own, like they could go to work, but they couldn't live on their own, you understand. So they were semi-independent. So it I grew up with that, with helping people, so that was like in my nature, you know. So we're going to open a system in my home here in North Carolina. We're going to open a system living home here in North Carolina. So, working on that and I'm just living my best life.
Speaker 2:All right, I gave the military 21 plus years, so now it's my turn for me. So I'm living my best life. I love I even love the down days when I'll be like I'm loving it because I did what I came to do. I did a little more because I only want to do 20, but I did a year to pay for. But I'm living my best life. I don't care what nobody say.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:I don't care what nobody do. As long as you're not hurting me or mine, go ahead and do what you do, baby, I'm going to let you know. Hey, you might not want to do that. It's up to you to do it or not. You see what I'm saying. But for. Monique. I didn't say for Monique and spouse or kids. I said for Monique, I'm going to live my best life and that's what I'm doing. I'm going to live my best life. And that's what I'm doing, I'm living and I'm loving my best life.
Speaker 1:Amen, girl. And that is what B3U is about Burning, breaking and becoming Unstoppable, Commanding A successful purpose, privilege and life. And we are in the season of commanding. Ms Monique, I thank you for joining me. You're welcome. Thank you for joining us and hearing yet another awesome episode of B3U.
Speaker 2:Don't forget, we are living in a time of the divine feminine, so us women, we coming up. You may not have put Kamala up there, but trust me, you're going to have to deal with it, that's right.
Speaker 1:Look, Maya Angelou is one of my faves. Oh yes, I love her. And what was her poem? It was one phenomenal one. So what was the quote? Yet I rise, still I rise. Still I rise, still I rise, so thank you audience. Thank you, viewers, for joining us on B3U. Make sure you like, share and comment on this podcast and give us some great reviews. And if you want to be an MBE, please email me and talk to you guys later.