Burn-Break&Become Unstoppable B3u
“Welcome to B3U, the podcast where we will always speak our truths by Burning pains of the past, Breaking the broken mindset and Becoming Unstoppable, reclaim power all while walking into our purpose . I’m Bree and if you’re here today, you or someone you love has likely faced the dark reality of abuse. First, let me say this—you are not broken. You are not defined by what happened to you. You are here, and that means there is hope, strength, and a future waiting for you.
Here we will be diving into the journey of healing. We’ll talk about the aftermath of abuse, how to reclaim your voice, and the steps toward true freedom and find your purpose . Whether you’re just beginning to process your experience or you’re deep into your healing journey, this podcast is for you!
Burn-Break&Become Unstoppable B3u
Fireside Chat w/ Mrs Rochelle Tucker
The most surprising part isn’t the pain—it’s the moment the craving disappeared. Rochelle sits with us and tells a story many hide: childhood molestation, a decades-long addiction that felt like relief until it wasn’t, and the day she chose a police car over another hit. What follows is not a miracle montage but a set of small, relentless choices—thirty days of prayer in county, six months of structure, and a first year built around meetings, mentors, and learning to trust quiet again.
We trace the ripple effects of early harm into adult life: hypervigilance with kids, guilt over sending her children to safer homes, and the complicated love that still shows up for family who couldn’t show up for her. Rochelle is candid about triggers, boundaries, and the humility of “one day at a time.” She talks about getting baptized high and still being met by grace, about discovering she was emotionally stuck at twelve and deciding to bring that younger girl forward instead of leaving her behind. There’s laughter here too—a frank honesty about dentures, math classes that won’t quit, and the way a partner’s steady love can rewrite the meaning of touch.
We move from survival to service. Rochelle returns to school for human services, earns a substance abuse certificate, and lays out plans for a recovery home focused on people leaving prison—IDs, stability, dignity, and a path back to community. We talk about protecting children, refusing to be bystanders, and practicing the B3U ethos: burn the lies, break the cycles, become unstoppable. If you’ve ever felt numb just to make it through, this conversation offers a map back to yourself—realistic, faith-filled, and fiercely hopeful.
If this resonated, follow the show, share with someone who needs strength today, and leave a review with one line: what are you taking back this month?
https://www.facebook.com/bree.b3u
https://www.instagram.com/burnbreakbecomeunstoppable
Hey everybody, what's up? Welcome to B3U. Look, this is the month of October, my favorite month. My favorite month. And for me, October means transformation. Transformation. So it's transformation time. Okay. And today I have with me my beautiful, wonderful, and amazing sister, Miss Rochelle Tucker. Thank you. Thank you for coming on B3U. It's our season, girl. Yes, it is.
SPEAKER_04:Thank you for the invite, my sister.
SPEAKER_06:Yes. Scorpio say what? Yes. Scorpio. Yes.
SPEAKER_04:Truth to the bone.
SPEAKER_06:True to the bone. Okay. We're just going to be our authentic selves here. Let's do it. And let's start it off with saying, uh, you know, you're coming, take us back. Because we just talked about how October is transformation month, and I can't wait for my viewers and my listeners to see and hear the transformation. So uh take us back to your childhood. What was life like growing up to you?
SPEAKER_04:Well, my childhood, I had a good childhood. Um I'm the first grandchild out of 50-some kids. Um, the oldest out of me and my brother sibling. Spoiled. Um, my just say that I didn't want for nothing. I didn't want for nothing. I had birthdays when it was wasn't my birthday. I did everything. Um, my mom and my father got together. My mom was 18 when she had me.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:So she dropped out of high school because she was pregnant with me. And um when she had me, she turned around. She had she said her tubes was tight, but she turned around and had another baby. She had my brother. So me and my brother was the oldest of 50-something grandkids. So we was, we had a village. My mother and my father, my father, mother, and my mother-mother, so we had a whole village that raised us. Um my father was abusive mentally, physically to my mother and I and my and us, he was, but I was a daddy's girl. Regardless of what happened, I was still a daddy girl. I'm a granddaddy girl, I am the girl, you know. So um I never used that against him and didn't realize how much it damaged me by holding it in. Um, but it is what it is. My father, he was on different types of mushrooms and stuff like that. But okay, what year are we talking about? This was uh I was born in '66. Okay. So it was like close in the 70s. 70s, okay. As I was growing up. When I was like 12 years old, I can see my we stayed in Harvey. And me and my brother shared a bedroom. We had bunk beds, so you have to be able to side man. I can see my father, just like I'm looking at you, come in my room, come in our room and put chocolate on my breast and eat it off for me.
SPEAKER_05:Oh wow.
SPEAKER_04:And my brother was right there. My mother called him a couple of times. She stopped him. But I think at that point that made a big connection with me and my mom. Because as the older I got, the more I thought about it, it's like you go to our daughter, and I'm right here. You know, so to me, I felt that my father went through some type of trauma at his young age.
SPEAKER_05:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:And it just carried on.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Um, my brother, he used to abuse my brother, homework time, he used to stick pins, pencils in my brother's hand, and all that, you know. And right today, may he rest in peace. My brother don't care for me. And all, but that's another story. Okay. Um what was going through your your mind? How old were you about this time? When he was molesting me, um, between 10 and 12. 10 and 12.
SPEAKER_06:What in the world was a uh a 10, 12-year-old, what was going through your mind at that time?
SPEAKER_04:I don't know, because I blocked it out. I blocked it out. And I blocked it out to the point too, so well that I didn't really, it didn't resurface until Oprah Oak Rimphy came out and she started talking about molestation. And that at that time, I was like in my late 20s, early 30s. That's when it resurfaced back into my life.
SPEAKER_06:Okay. How did that that trauma shape your your life, shape your story from being a 10 to 12 year old young woman, young girl, and then you said it carried on. So how did it that shape you? It shaped me to a addict.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. It took me straight to an addiction. Because at that point I was selling drugs, and then I started using drugs. Getting raided, going to jail, and it just carried on. I was a mother of three. I had two of my own, and then I had um adopted a baby at two weeks old.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:He was on a heart machine. And I had him right now today, he's 30-something years old.
SPEAKER_00:All right.
SPEAKER_04:Doing well. Yeah. So far that I know of.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Um at the end of the day, once my addiction progressed, I sent my kids away so they wouldn't go down with me. Their life would be better. My oldest son, I sent him before my addiction got real bad. I sent him to Green Bay to live with his father because I was watching the boys in the hood. And I felt that you need to be with your dad. But I was not ready to go there. Because I still had my daughter. Then I was dealing with her father, the man that I said was her father, but isn't her father. But he was her father as long as I was carrying him, I was together with him in his mind, in mind too. I knew her real father was, but at the end of the day, no, I'm with you, so that's who her father is going to be.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_04:You know, and um that kind of traumatized my daughter a little bit. But I did with all I knew what was best for me and my kids.
SPEAKER_06:Well, you know, I we we share the same story. And it, you know, um, for me, uh, at this time, I um again been through molestation from a family member. Um, it was my cousin. And uh just growing up, I think what we both share in a sense is when you're when you're that young, you you you grow up, and because I was sexually abused so many times, it's it just became like I just I know for me, uh it's okay.
SPEAKER_04:It's okay, you know, you know, because it's a family member, and then this is my father. Right. You know what I'm saying? This is the man that created me, that had part in creating me because God created me, but this is the man that had part in creating me with my mother, and this is what you do.
SPEAKER_06:And for see, and you you were a daddy's girl. You loved him.
SPEAKER_03:And I loved him, and even though he was doing this to me, I allowed it.
SPEAKER_06:For me, I was I was more scared, you know, because of my. No, I wasn't scared.
SPEAKER_03:I allowed it because I felt that he's my daddy.
SPEAKER_04:He knows what he's doing.
SPEAKER_05:Right.
SPEAKER_04:But at the end of the day, he was damaging me. I don't know if he um penetrated with me or not. I don't know. You don't remember because I don't I don't want to remember. You know, okay. I don't want to remember. I hate that I remember him eating chocolate off me. I hate that. I remember that. So now it's a trauma for me. Right now, today.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:And um, I'll be 59 in November, it's still a trauma. I can't stand for no kids to sit on nobody's lap. Oh, yes. I can't stand for a man to change no baby's pampers. If the baby is crawling on you and jumping on you, stop them. I can't stand for a baby to sit in between a man's leg, even my legs. I don't want you, no, we're not doing that.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_04:Even though they don't understand why, but that's my trauma. And it's bad. I I had I I'm so traumatized with this that my oldest granddaughter, I asked her, I I damn near beat it out of her with words, have anybody ever touched you or molested you or made you feel uncomfortable? She I I beat it in her so bad that she said, Grandmama, no. And I'm gonna tell you if they do. She cried. I don't ask her no more.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:And she would just say, Grandma, ain't nobody did nothing to me. If she sees me, ain't nobody did nothing to me. Right. I traumatized her. And I damaged. I mean, but we got a good relationship. We good, but she know I'm not finna play. Yeah. She knows I'm not finna play. She knows I'm gonna beat it out. Um I'm not and beat it. When I say beat it, I don't mean physically, I mean words-wise. I'm gonna get it out you.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Whether you want to or not, I'm gonna get it out you. So it's just, and I still carry that trauma.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah. And so you carried it into your adulthood. Yes. And um, which that kind of shaking you, you become numb, is what I was saying. You become so used to it. It's like, uh, so I had a son from an unwanted sexual encounter. And it was just like, uh, I'm gonna just just hide it and just whatever. And then I met my ex-husband who was abusive, and he said that he was gonna take care of it. So I I too let my son for years uh believe that that was his father, and he didn't find out that his father wasn't his father until he threw him through a glass table and said, That's why you ain't my my son anyway. And I was like, God dang. So I I I I can I can relate to you in that story. Um, it did cause some trauma with my my son. How did your daughter? Um it's it's damaging her right now, says to speak.
SPEAKER_04:Because the man that I said and told that was her father, which she was, I was with him from the time I conceived her until the time I had her, until the time he went to the penitentiary. That's all he knew that was his daughter.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:I didn't tell him that that wasn't his daughter until I decided to get married the first time. That's when I told him, because at that time I was in recovery. So I'm making a clean slate with everybody. So that's when I told him. And when I told him, he was like, it doesn't matter. I'ma still raise her, I'ma still love her, she's still my daughter. But the story flips. So now it's like she's trying to win his love, which he says he loves her, but his actions speaks way louder than his words. Yes, yes, and I tell my daughter, leave it alone. It ain't worse thing. Because if he felt from what he was saying, if that's what was true, you wouldn't have to go through what you wanted. Right. So you leave it alone. Because at the end of the day, it's all about you no matter what. And I'm here. That's right.
SPEAKER_06:That's right. I let my son know that. You know, um, I after I um I came into realization, you know, for years uh after I went to uh my PTSD therapy, I tried to write everything that I did wrong. And I went to try to find my son's father and to make it right. So I want you to know who this man is, and you know, and and clear this this the slate so my son could have some peace and say you know to know who he was, and unfortunately uh he is deceased, uh died from COVID. So that is what it is. But let me ask um, what role did the drugs play and how you coped with your pain?
SPEAKER_04:It was I was self-medicating myself. The drugs kept me numb. The drugs kept me to the point to where I didn't give a care about myself, anybody. All I wanted to know that I wasn't gonna take my kids down with me. And I was in an addiction for almost close to 30 years.
SPEAKER_06:30 years. Yeah. 30 years of drug addiction. Close to 30 years. Wow.
SPEAKER_04:What kind of drugs, may I ask? I used um, I started off with uh marijuana, then I started off lacing marijuana with raw cocaine, then I started off, then I went from that to lacing marijuana with cooked cocaine. And I went from inhaling, getting shotguns from people that smoke cocaine, getting shotguns, and I got tired of that because I liked that cessation, that feeling had made me feel. It made me more number, so I liked that, so I started smoking cocaine. And only smoked in glass. Okay. So when I got to smoking in glass, that's when everything, the whole road was dark. Everything went dark. I didn't care about nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing at all. I was chasing that first high that I ever got, and you never get that high again. You just get addicted, and back then it was good cocaine. Wow. This stuff here, I don't know what it is. I don't know why people keep relapsing, but at the end of the day, if you're not ready to stop, you're not gonna stop.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And if you're not specific of what you want, you're not gonna get it.
SPEAKER_06:So let me was there a moment, a moment when you realized you were masking with deeper wounds, with with the the drugs? Did you said it got dark?
SPEAKER_04:I realized that within the my addiction, about 20 years. Other than that, I was having fun.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:That was during me. During you not a care in the world. I didn't have no kids, I had nothing. Where were your children? My children, my my son was in Green Bay, like I stated. Um, my daughter was staying with my grandmother there. But then sooner or later I ended up sending her to Green Bay with my mom, which wasn't a better place. It was a better place because my mom was still still, she was more stable than I were, but she was doing the same thing. But my kids, I felt that, excuse me, I didn't want to take them down with me. I did enough damage by not taking care of myself. So I'm not gonna, I want better for them. So they I felt that being down there was better. And Green Bay was good for them at this at the same time, I wasn't there. So I missed a lot in my kids' life.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:But I was in and out of their life, but I missed a lot because the mother wasn't there.
SPEAKER_06:So, like your self-worth, your your uh the molestation, the childhood trauma, uh, and you feel like that impacted your self-worth just like I had a lot to do with it.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Because I felt dirty. I felt dirty. I felt that the relationship between me and my mom was damaged. I tried to heal it, but it wasn't there. You can't forgive. I forgave. It was my mom that was holding on to it. Did she blame you in this sense? I don't know. And I asked her and she said, go ask your daddy. So I don't know what my mom so you asked your mom.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I asked her.
SPEAKER_06:Why did she allow that?
SPEAKER_04:Why did she allow that? She told me go ask my daddy. So I told her, if a man on the street raped me, I should say, sir, why are you raping me? So right then and that, that just spent me right into a deeper darkness. Because you the only person I really can talk to. And you won't even talk to me. So then I sat back, even in my addiction, I sat back and I took an inventory of my life and I figured I'd say something must have happened to my mama to where she can't talk to me. Right.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And I left it alone. And I just kept being high. And we tried, me and my aunties, and they tried and talked to my mom, and they say, give her a hug. My mama gave me a hug, it was cold as North Pole. No love was felt there. None. I just started crying. And I said, it's a done deal. But at the end of the day, she's still my mom, and I still respect her. And I thank her for taking care of my kids. And when her, when she needed me, I was there regardless of what I felt for her or how she felt for me. And make she rest in peace today.
SPEAKER_06:Yes, yes, she is to see. She passed away 2012. 2012.
SPEAKER_04:No, no, no. My father passed away in 2012. She passed away in 2022.
SPEAKER_05:2022.
SPEAKER_04:Just recently. Yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:And you know what? That's that's that is a hard thing right there. When you are a child and you don't understand something, and you grow up and you you have so many questions, like, you know, because you know, my mother too, I mean, me and my mother, we started off with a great relationship. You know, I was the only child up until nine years, and my mother loved me. And then I just couldn't understand the whole chain. But sometimes we don't understand, and it was good what you said that she probably possibly went through some things you don't know. And that's the way that I tried to, you know, forgive my mom. Like, I don't know what her life was like, why she did the things she did. But then when I got older and um she remarried, well, she didn't remarry, but she got with my stepfather that had like an Islamic marriage, was you know, and I just we used to watch her go through things, you know. Well, it wasn't until I got older, like, darn, my mom was being abused too. How do how can she love if she wasn't being loved or know how to love herself? So that's a good, that's that's good right there. That you know, sometimes you just have to when you're when you're in or you face some sorts of trauma from whether it be a family or somebody else. You have to think like what what what made them go?
SPEAKER_04:How do they go that way? And to me, it's like one thing is set in my heart that I would never do that. But sometimes I know molestation would never happen with me because I I don't care where you at, who you are, do not put your hands on my child. No, he cannot or she cannot sit in your lap. Daddy, brother, uncle, I don't care. That's right. No. Exactly. That's how I it is what it is. You know what I'm saying? But at the end of the day, it's like I I sometimes I like to hold on to that because I feel safe. And I know they're safe. So I watch everything when it comes to a kid. So I believe that's why I'm so in depth with children.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:You have a love for children? I have a love for them, and I collect them. And I collect them, you know. And that's part of because I miss my children as they was growing up.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And see, God seen this in my heart, and he brought some children in my heart, you know, and um I thank God for that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I thank God for that. Because the little baby I have, he has helped me grow.
SPEAKER_06:So before we get right into the baby, we're gonna pause for a second and we're gonna be right back. And we're back. Okay, so we were getting into um Nas. Yes, your son.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_06:So we're gonna get to him in a minute. I want to know what was the turning point. Uh, what was the breaking point? The moment that you knew you needed like Rochelle, uh, this is enough. Enough is enough. What was your breaking point?
SPEAKER_04:Um, the breaking point is I I did things that I said I wouldn't do, and I achieved them, and it didn't stop me. My breaking point was I was tired of being tired. And I met this young old lady, young old white lady that gave me whatever I wanted when I wanted it, and one day she told me that she wasn't gonna give me nothing, and I knew she had it, and I tried to take it from her. And at that time, I was 89 pounds wet or dry. Wow, and she was 89 pounds wet or dry, but she handled me, and once I got away with it and went and brought me some drugs and was getting high, I didn't get high no more. That broke me right there. I was done because now I got an APB out for me on my rest for this white man.
SPEAKER_05:Wow, yes.
SPEAKER_06:So let me let me ask you this. Knowing that you're a woman of faith, where was your faith in all of this?
SPEAKER_04:I didn't have no faith in that.
SPEAKER_06:You ain't had no faith at that time.
SPEAKER_04:God left. I left God, God didn't leave me. Okay, I left him. But at the end of the day, I used to get high on a Sunday. Well, I got high every day, but Sundays I would get high, listen to church music, and go to church. Hi. Hi. I even got baptized high. And then by the time for me to get in the water, my pipe fell out of my pocket because I was taking my pipe with me to the water. And it was a glass pipe and it broke. And all I told him is save the brillo. And I wanna get baptized.
SPEAKER_06:Were you looking for like saying God like jump in, help me? At that time, no.
SPEAKER_00:No.
SPEAKER_04:I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to stop being high at that time. I knew that he was there. I knew he covered me because I tried to commit suicide. I tried to step in front of 18 with a truck and get hit, and I could never make it in front of the truck. The only thing saved me was that white lady that he sent to me. She saved me. And when I went to jail, they hit a warner for my rest, and I kept trying to get high, and I kept trying. I came on. At that time, I came on my menstrual. This day is the day that I was done. I was done. I had a lady in my life that gave me whatever I wanted and made sure that I was okay. Even when I looked like a rough bum, she would take me to go get my hair done and buy me clothes. And she'd give me drugs just to make sure I was okay. I mean, she rest in peace. Wow. She's gone. So she's gone too. But she saw me when I got clean. So um, I had took a shower. It was cold that day. I took a shower. I went to Western. That was where I stayed at. That was my stopping grounds, Western. From 111, maybe just say from just say Western, period. I was on Western. If you want to look for me and find me, go to Western. And it's to Chicago. It's Chicago. Okay, Chicago. Go to Western. Now my niece, if then nobody find me, she can find me. She knew exactly where all she had to do was find out red lipstick. She knew where her auntie was at. So I went on Western. I went to Peppy's, got me two tacos. I told them I was hungry. They gave me two tacos, which they fed me all the time. The people at the fire station fed me all the time. I didn't have no problem eating nothing. I just wanted to get high because I was hurting.
SPEAKER_06:And that was your way of coping.
SPEAKER_04:So I ate, and then I said, I know, I didn't, I just couldn't call the police and say, come and get me. So I knew a house that would call the police on me because they did it before. So I went to the house and I just run the bell and she cussed me out. I didn't say nothing bad too. Because back in the day I would have said something back to. I didn't say nothing back to her. She said, I'm gonna call the police. I said, please do. That's when I knew I was done. And I stood right there. It was um a hardware store at the time. On 118th in Western. It was a hardware store. I stood in front of that hardware store and I seen a detective ride by. That's a detective that's looking for me because he's been at my grandmama in the house looking for me. So I already know who the detective is. I seen him ride by. He looked at me. Come right back around the corner so fast. And I stood there and I said, Thank you, Jesus. That's all I said. So when he came to me, he said, What's your name? I say, Brenda. He said, Your name ain't no Brenda. I said, That's what I told you. He said, Your name Rachel Foss. I say, You know who I am. Why would you ask me what's my name? He said, You know, I've been looking for you. I said, Well, here I am. He said, Is there anything you need you want to do? I say, I want to go to my grandmother's house before you take me to jail and let her know I am safe. And give her all my personal things. And he did exactly that. And when I went to the jail, 11 police station, they say, Are you tired? I say, I'm very tired. And I say, Please don't open them gates until God says, I'm done. And that's what happened. I did 30 days in the penitentiary, I'm in 30 days of Cook County Jail. Every day, every second of the day, I prayed. God, take away this taste, the thoughts, the strength, the warmth, the need, whatever it is. I still say that prayer today. Take it away from me. Like I said, I did 30 days in the county jail. Before the 30 days was over with, before they shipped me to the penitentiary, I was free. Free. I was free already. I was free once I went to the jail. Once I spent one night in jail, I was clean. That was my first day.
SPEAKER_05:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:But I was free. The reason why I say I was free because I didn't feel it. I didn't feel the want, I didn't feel the need, I didn't feel the desire, I didn't feel the taste, I didn't feel nothing no more. Okay. That's how I knew I was free. So I went to the penitentiary. I did six months in the penitentiary when I came home. They said, where you want to go, your grandma said, No, I want to go somewhere else. I went to recovery house. I stayed there for 30 days, for three months. While I'm in the recovery house, which it was in the right spend brand new in the middle of the drug world, I was there and I was okay. Wow. I went to AA meetings every day. I did whatever I had to do. I lived in the AA six days a week, maybe seven. I'm out of my house. The lady I'm telling you, uh her name was Star. She had a mobile home for me. She said, when you get through within three months, I gotta place for you to stay. You don't have to pay no rent, you get to pay electric bills. I got you. That's exactly what she did. She had me. In my addiction to my recovery. I stayed there. From there, from 2009. That's when my recovery started.
SPEAKER_06:So what did your um what have you learned about yourself on the other side of your addiction?
SPEAKER_04:I learned that drugs is not uh drugs cannot take away your pain. That's oh, yes. I learned that God is the leader of all your steps. I learned that without God you can't do nothing.
SPEAKER_05:Nothing.
SPEAKER_04:I learned that my book was already written, so I that story I say, why me? Because that is me. It was written in my book. I learned that when I got clean, that I was still stuck at the age of 12.
SPEAKER_06:Yes. Isn't it amazing when you when you find out who you are, what age for you then when you said this is this is me, this is who I am.
SPEAKER_05:Um I know for me it was I was 53. I was no I was 40 something. In your 40s.
SPEAKER_04:But I can train change that number. It started five years ago when I realized who I was.
SPEAKER_05:Five years ago. And we about to be the big six zero yeah, next year. 55.
SPEAKER_04:Next year, you make sure I'll be 60. I found out 2020 who I was. It scared me. Really? It scared me because I thought I knew who I was. I thought I was living who Rochelle was supposed to be, but I'm not. This is that wasn't who I was supposed to be. You know, um, the first marriage didn't last, but a week, probably, but I stayed in it because I took vials. But soon God opened the window, I moved out of it. Then I turned around and got married. Uh seven years later, seven or eight years later, which I shouldn't have. Because I still was figuring out who Rochelle was.
SPEAKER_05:Um let me ask this first. Who is Rochelle?
SPEAKER_04:Rochelle is a mother, a sister, a granddaughter, an auntie, a niece, a soul partner. First of all, I'm a child of God.
SPEAKER_00:Hello.
SPEAKER_06:Hello, somebody.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, yes, man.
SPEAKER_04:I want what I want, and I have things that I want to achieve in life that I felt that I should have did a long time ago, but that wasn't my time.
SPEAKER_02:This is my time. Your time now. It's my time now.
SPEAKER_06:So you know you you follow me um closely. Yeah, you know I talk about the big take back, and you are enduring exactly what I talk about. And this is what I mean about taking back your power, taking back your control. You are a grandma, a grandmother, a wife, a mother, a sister. Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_06:And you do, and you are, you have a heart of gold. You are a very vibrant person. This is who I know. I remember when she told me her story, I was in disbelief. Just that you you don't see most full-blown what they call crackheads at that time. The ones who sit and you you see them, they don't have no teeth. They're talking to them. So you don't see people come back from that.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I ain't got no teeth. I do have dentures, but they're mine.
SPEAKER_06:They're yours. They're yours. They are yours. That's all I say about my hair. Don't blame me now. It's mine. Yeah. But you just don't see people come back from that. And I mean, I look, people who are faced with trauma, living in trauma, gotta have faith. Mostly you can't succeed with it without faith. With faith and just believing.
SPEAKER_04:It's nothing there. It's nothing there. I mean, you could be a billionaire, you got some type of faith. I don't care if you believe in a chair, you got some type of faith. Some some faith. You got some type of faith. You got to have faith in order to achieve whatever you need to achieve. You got to. I don't care if it's Lord Jesus, uh, Nelson, whoever it is, I don't care. I knew a person, well, I heard of a person that was in recovery for 50-some years. His faith was a chair. His faith was a chair. But it has gotten him through. It's gotten him through. That's all that matters. Whatever gets you through, that's who you count on.
SPEAKER_06:Girl, uh what message? What message do you have for others still caught in that cycle and that trauma?
SPEAKER_04:One day at a time. One day. Keep your faith. Acknowledge who you are. Look in the mirror. A lot of times, always look in the mirror. One day you're gonna see something that you don't want to see, and it's gonna change your whole your life of yourself. One day. That's what I did when I was getting high. I kept a mirror. I kept a mirror and I kept some trees. Right now I don't handle damn trees, but I keep a mirror. I'm always in a mirror. Looking back, looking back. I keep my past up here because right now I'm spiritually grounded. And right now I am I might have 17 years. I got 17 years, but reality I got one day. Go ahead, says one day, and I'm gonna give back, and I'm gonna give back to freely just as well as it was given to me. So I took my little old tail back to school. All right, you're old, where?
SPEAKER_06:Anyway.
SPEAKER_04:I took my tail back to school. I gotta do, I got a substance abuse certificate back in 2019. Right now, I'm going to school to get a socialist degree in human service, and I'll be graduating spring 2026.
SPEAKER_05:Let me ask you this right real quick.
SPEAKER_06:Is that anything that can take you back to where you were? No.
SPEAKER_04:I'm not gonna allow anything to take me back. I'm not gonna allow anything to come into my life to allow me to want to go back. So if I feel that my addiction is coming and I'm not using, then I have to remove myself. Removing yourself. Yeah, I have to remove myself. I don't have to remove you, I have to remove myself because it's not your problem. That's mine.
SPEAKER_06:Hello. And that's the biggest thing. That's the that's the big lesson you learn when you come out of trauma. Everybody doesn't have to understand what you've been through or like who you used to be or like who you are now. It's you. It's me. You control everything.
SPEAKER_04:Everything. I'm powerless over people, places, and things. And at the end of the day, if you would like to hear my story, you'd be the best believe I would tell you my story. Because can't nobody tell you better than me. Can't nobody hurt you, which is you can.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Because I'm gonna tell you, yes, I did that.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, because people will come in to try to steal your joy. I just had that.
SPEAKER_03:I had that done to me with this court case. I had that done. And I sold them. And yes, I did. And now what? Well, what what else have you got to come with? Come on, cuz because you're not doing nothing. You're not hurting me, you're hurting yourself.
SPEAKER_04:Because at the end of the day, they're looking at you like, why did you give your child to a person that's a addict? So who you hurting? Me or yourself.
SPEAKER_06:Today, how do you define yourself? I define a success and uh define that success and freedom because right now, like you're successful, you got degrees, you making more degrees, you coming up, okay, you doing some things.
SPEAKER_04:I find myself a success is to getting closer to God and gaining more trust in myself and allow myself to be teachable, teachable.
SPEAKER_02:That's right, that's what I'm doing.
SPEAKER_06:My eyeballs sweating over here.
SPEAKER_00:That's what I'm doing.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah. Um, if you can speak to your younger self, what would you tell that little girl? What would you say?
SPEAKER_04:What would you I would tell my younger self, you're okay today. Whatever you went through, that's not your problem. That's not your fault. You're not in control of that. You let it eat you up, but right now you're out of that situation. Grow from it, step on it, put it in the dirt, yeah, and allow God to make you blossom you into a beautiful flower that you are.
SPEAKER_05:Build you.
SPEAKER_06:That's what pain and trauma is.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, it's you you step on them, you step on them. Every time things happen for a reason, good or bad, there's no such thing as bad luck. It's it is what it is. Ain't nothing you can do about it.
SPEAKER_05:So, the mistake you made, step on it, and make another one, and step on it, and keep rising, and keep rising, because that's the only way you're gonna learn. That's right.
SPEAKER_04:Your pain is your strength. It's not your pain, it's your strength.
SPEAKER_06:But it's called pain because you hurt, but it's your strength, and they're lessons. Life is all lessons, like you said, you gotta be teachable. Let life, let life teach you those lessons, teach you those hard lessons. Long as you're learning and you're growing and you're moving forward, that's how you become unstopped.
SPEAKER_04:At the end of the day, you got to understand if you're not true to yourself, who the hell can you be true to? If you don't care for yourself, who how can you care for somebody else? If you're ashamed of what you do, then why are you doing it? If you're ashamed of what you went through, why why be why would you how can you heal if you're ashamed of what you went through? How can you heal? Yeah, because it's gonna keep you in the devil. That's the devil's world. The devil is a lie, but he's true. Okay, he's real. He's true. And see, I was a good servant to the devil. I was the I was his best one, I think, for me. Okay, so I know you were the top soldier. Hey, you was the top soldier. Hey, hey, let's do this, okay? Let's do it.
SPEAKER_00:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_04:But I know he's he still come at me. He still come at me, but I know the difference between his voice and God's voice and my heart. That's the only thing that wants.
SPEAKER_05:You know the difference.
SPEAKER_06:What's next for you, Miss Rochelle? Uh, and we are um, let's go to Nas. You you you said you you got God sons, god daughters. You are the collector and the protector of children. Nas in your life.
SPEAKER_04:Nas been in my life since he was two weeks old, but I got him permanently. Not permanently, but he started living with me permanently between three to four months. Um, I didn't move up here to raise nobody else's child. Because I had grandkids of my own I could have raised.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Some reason God put upon my heart a baby boy that was born on the same day I was. Now, I can't do nothing without the baby boy. He would be five on our birthday. His mother, his mother was, when I met her when I moved up here in 2016, we had a little consultation, but at the end of the day, we connected, because she's a Scorpio too, and she acknowledged that I'm here, you know. Something, she felt something from me that she wanted me to be her godmother. I was a godmother. But at the end of the day, she she was going through her little trials and tribulations, and she had people in her life that was in her ear. And to make a long story short, she said, I'm pregnant, Ma. And it's a boy, and he's gonna be born around your birthday. I'm good. He was born on my birthday. Okay, she needed help. Yeah. Before he was even born, she needed help.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And I was gonna be there to help her no matter what. And I did. And you did. But she had people in her ear telling her, I tried to take her son from her, but I'm trying to feel how you can take something that was written and signed in your name. You can't do that. So at the end of the day, I sit back and everybody say, You just stopped your life with this baby. I said, This baby ain't stopped my life. This baby gained my life. I said, I need him as much as he needs me. You know, I need him as he needs me. I said, what's meant to be is gonna be. Courts and all that. That's what we do. Spend money, go to court, back and forth, stress out, worry, you do that. But at the end of the day, God got his hand right there on that baby. And his hand went to the baby to my heart. That's where his baby is. You can't take, you can't tear up what God put together. You cannot. You cannot. You cannot tear up together. You cannot. You cannot. I didn't move up here to take care of no baby. I moved up here to take care of Rochelle.
SPEAKER_05:Right.
SPEAKER_04:I got grandkids. I don't need nobody else, baby.
SPEAKER_03:I don't even know this girl from Adam to Eve. This baby is no kid to me, but he's my son.
SPEAKER_06:So you believe that God sent me.
SPEAKER_03:And you can't tell me he didn't.
SPEAKER_06:That's right.
SPEAKER_03:You can't tell me no different. That's my son, my grandson, whatever you want him to be, he's mine.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And he has a mother and he has a father.
SPEAKER_03:He has a mother and a father. Which is still in his life.
SPEAKER_05:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:But he's with me and my husband. Okay. And we co-parenting. We a village.
SPEAKER_06:A village. And anything else besides the baby? Any more degrees, any more?
SPEAKER_04:Well, right now I'm getting a social degree. I don't know because I'm about tired of school. I'm about tired of school. And the only reason I say that is because this dangle math is kicking my tail. Okay. And people say, you got to take a map. I say, lady, I've been out of grammar school since 81. I've been out of high school since 85. I just had my 40th class reunion. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no math. I said only math I had to do was A S a trap. I needed$50 to get this ball. I need$100 to get this baby. That's my voice no out. None of that. So that's what's stressing me out right now. Math. But I don't care how much stress is stressing me, I'm gonna roll with it. You're gonna roll with it? Long as I pass that class and walk across that stage, I don't care what I gotta do. But believe me, I'm not taking no more math. I'm done. If the if the degree say I gotta have a math, I don't want no more degrees. I don't, I don't, I don't. I'm not gonna lie.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Because I really, I really don't need all these big degrees, excuse me, to get to get my peer specialist license or to open up a recovery home. I really don't need all that. I just want a degree just to say I got it.
SPEAKER_06:So a recovery home, that's uh that's what you have to do. That's my step. That's my step. I'm so proud of you. Uh I've told you this on and off camera. You look amazing, and you can tell when God got his hands on you because it just shines all through you. And I'm just so proud to see you taken back, have taken back, yeah, and still riding and moving forward. That's what it's all about.
SPEAKER_04:And don't get me wrong, it's not a smooth sailing road or ride, but if that's what you want, you're gonna achieve it. Yeah, and you're gonna do whatever you gotta do just like I did, whatever I had to do to get that wrong. I'm gonna do whatever I gotta do to stay positive. That's right. Because if I can be if I was a strong soldier for negativity, why can't I be a strong soldier to positive?
SPEAKER_06:But the the key word here is you have to want it. Nobody can want it more than you got to you.
SPEAKER_04:I'm not gonna get you sober before and get high. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not. I would be your sponsor, your sponsor, and I have sponsored I'm but I will go to the dope house and get you out of one time. Maybe two times. The third time, you on your own. Because see, that's I can't do it. Because I'm I'm gonna walk in there and I'm gonna walk out. That's no problem. But I'm not gonna get high before I get you sober. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna want it more than you want it for yourself. I'm not.
SPEAKER_05:You can't do that. I'm not. You can't do that.
SPEAKER_04:But my thing is for the recovery home, I went through the penitentiary and all that, and I wants to give back, and I mainly want to work with older people. Because older people feel that I've been out here six or some years, I'm six or some years, I can't. What am I gonna do? You're gonna do a lot once you clean yourself up. Because once you let God acknowledge that this is what you want to do, he's gonna guide you. When I got clean, I didn't have no job, I didn't have nothing, I didn't have nowhere to go, none of that. Stepped out on faith. I gave it to him. I ain't won for nothing.
SPEAKER_06:The older people, yeah, the older people do matter because they're the leaders. Um a lot of the young people, we need some of the older people to get right so we can see the game.
SPEAKER_04:That's exactly just right.
SPEAKER_03:That's my whole point. So the all the older people I was in jail with all these penitentiary, with all these older people, and they was like, I ain't gonna do that.
SPEAKER_04:I'm like, how can you help this young lady when you ain't even ready to help yourself? You can't do that. You can't tell her something and you're not doing it yourself. You can't do that.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_04:So I wanna, I'm gonna open up a recovery home for people coming out to penitentiary to get their IDs, all this.
SPEAKER_03:I didn't have none of that. I had no ID, my drive license suspended, I didn't even know.
SPEAKER_04:It was suspended. So I had to get SR22, all this. I had people in my life to help me and guide me long as I showed them this is what I'm gonna do and I want to do it. Yeah, but if you're not gonna help yourself, help yourself, ain't nobody gonna help you.
SPEAKER_06:No, ain't nobody gonna have me.
SPEAKER_03:I had plenty of people. One man trying to turn me into a muscle. I told him, Look at here, baby.
SPEAKER_04:You trying to turn me into a Muslim, baby. I said, look at here. I am not finna cover my hair, I am not finna wear all that hot stuff, and I am not finna stop eating chilies. So that's a done deal. I'm not, I'm not. So no. No, I'm not finna, no, I'm not finna, no, I'm not finna do that.
SPEAKER_06:Okay. But look at you now. Look at you now, and uh God is good, and he is all the time. God is great. So I pray for your success. I pray for your, you know, all your endeavors with helping other people. And I thank you for coming on fireside with Brie.
SPEAKER_04:And I don't know. Now you tell me this, Brie. Uh-huh. Oh, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_06:What made you what made you open up this category right here? B3U. What made me start doing B3U? Yes. As I said, we we share we never talked about this before. Yeah, well, you know.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I know you're a pitch specialist, but I mean, uh, what's up?
SPEAKER_06:Yes, so we like I said, we share a similar story. I wasn't, I still am, I just haven't recertified. But again, when you're a person of trauma and you want to see other people win, that's how B3U came about. You know, B3U is all about burning, breaking, and becoming unstoppable. My message is about taking back. I have a book coming out. I have a book coming out that's uh about the big take back, unbroken, the big take back. And so I created B3U. B3U came about is because so many people, even in today's age, it just sit back and and watch. They don't care, they all do themselves.
SPEAKER_02:That's it.
SPEAKER_06:But you said a couple of things. It takes a village to help to raise these young kids. It takes a village to help people through, but again, you have to want for yourself. So B3U, B3U is that platform. I said, God, what is it? You know, because I am a woman of faith myself, and this this podcast, this show is about transformation. Exactly. People who have been through some things, yeah, people have got through some things, and still going through some things, and still going through them some things, but where are they? Yes, come on now, yes, yes, and this is the chance for to show people that you can become unstoppable, exactly, be through you, be you, yes, and that's my whole goal, that's my whole focus. Well, is to help people. I applaud you for this.
SPEAKER_04:I applaud you for even let me be your October guest, and I applaud you for opening up this door because the more I talk about myself to others, the more I learn myself. And to me, it's like it might be a thousand people in the room or a thousand people watching. As long as I get attention to one person, I achieve my goal.
SPEAKER_06:That's what it's all about. Say, can I? I achieve my goal.
SPEAKER_04:That's all. I don't it it don't matter. You know what I'm saying? My son and my husband be like, why you always telling your story? Because my story is my story. But if somebody out there living my story and don't know how to get through their story, right?
SPEAKER_03:Oh, come on, sis. So I got to give it out because that's what God, that's what God put me here. He saved me for this reason because it's been plenty of times I done seen doubt.
SPEAKER_04:I done got pistol whooped, left in the alley for dead, looking like the elephant man, bruises all on my face, and the same day I get out of the hospital, I'm going to the crack spot. So it's somebody out there that's feeling what I'm going through. Yeah. That needs this. So I thank you for this platform. Oh, sis. I thank you for opening up these doors. I thank you for allowing God to guide you and you listening to Him.
SPEAKER_06:You want to make a bitch cry.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, I'm done with one. I'm done. But but that's what it is. Thank you. Thank you. That's what it is. I'm I'm I'm I'm done. I'm done because I'm not trying to cry.
SPEAKER_06:Neither. Yeah, it's about accountability. It's so much going on in the world right now. The people are just sitting by watching it happen. I've never been a bystander, somebody that just can sit back. Me and my husband was just talking not too long ago. If I see a woman getting beat down or something, I'm gonna say something. I gotta I gotta do something.
SPEAKER_04:I'm gonna say something. I'm in a store and the baby doesn't cry, doesn't cry, and mama. And you know, I'm gonna go over there to that baby. My husband said, you need to, you, you just do that. My granddaughter my granddaugh said, Grandma, you talk to everybody and you know it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:But if it comes to a baby, I'm gone. That's a trigger for me. Yes. And when that trigger hit, I'm going to it.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_04:I don't care who if you don't understand what I'm saying, you're gonna hear what I'm saying because I'm gonna show you when it comes to these babies.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah. And that's that it, that's what it is for me. To see women be abused, I can't sit back and say nothing. And you see anything. I think it's just for me, I I just abuse period. All this stuff, I just was talking about how, you know, with this current idiotic government we have going on right now. And it's like, I can the ice just run and ramp it. It ain't really ice. I don't, I just think that ice are gonna do like supremacy or whatever. And I think that's what it is, just running rampant, but the way they are treating a human being, I'm for the human race, not humanity, the human race, black, brown, white, yellow, green, purple, blue. Yes, I agree. The human race. And how can I sit back and be an innocent bystander and just let you just not not on my watch?
SPEAKER_03:I agree with that. 100%. 100%. And that's 100%.
SPEAKER_06:That that's what it takes to be a leader, a soldier, somebody who's been through some things to get that courage to say, uh-uh, you know, and and that's why we have a voice. That's why we have a voice. And if we don't, since you said something good, that's your story, that was your past, but they're trying to erase a lot of things, and that's what trauma too, when you hide it, you try to erase it, yeah, and you just want to hide from it. I I was done hiding. You gotta take that mask off.
SPEAKER_04:You got that mask off, look, you gotta take mask off, you got to, because at the end of the day, if you got the mask on and you trying to come out, you can't come out. You can't, because you still cover, you're still covering yourself. So you're still holding on to that paint, still ashamed. Ashamed, but you don't have no ashamed to be, no reason to be ashamed. There's no reason because that's life. Life is life in, and you got to enjoy it just like it was yesterday. You got to, and you can't enjoy it like that.
SPEAKER_06:You can't, you can't. So it's like, am I going to be a victim or a victor? And I choose to be a victor. You got to be a victor because that's what God got you left you here for. Yeah. Everybody has a purpose, everybody has a steel. You just gotta figure it out. You have to figure it out, you have to give your time. That's why another reason is because suicide is something else. Suicide, we both talked about suicide is for punks.
SPEAKER_04:I say it's for punks because at the end of the day, God don't want that in your life. He's not gonna give you more than you can have. You know what I'm saying? But if you don't speak and talk about it, that's when you want to commit suicide. Because you're holding an end. And it's and at that point, the devil got you. So he's gonna pull you through that rail and he's gonna make you drunk. Yeah. Some so some suicides don't achieve.
SPEAKER_06:Don't achieve. Don't achieve is because you you you have to be stronger than the pain. I I would just say people who do follow through, uh, like my soldier, uh, may he rest in peace. Those are one of the things that haunt me till this day, but I keep telling myself, there's nothing that I could have done. His destiny, his whatever was his. And sometimes we people like me and you, we go to the depths. We go to the depths, we go to the depths. Because it's in our soul somebody.
SPEAKER_04:It's in our heart and it's in our soul.
SPEAKER_06:Because we made it right through, and we look, I went from suicide to homicide. Like, look, look here. Okay, I got kids. I'm not about to take myself out and leave my. Kids. They could come visit me in jail, bring me some fried chicken and apple pie. Okay. Like my I'm like this. Just put money on my books.
SPEAKER_04:You ain't gonna come see me. Just put money on my book. Just put money. That's it. You ain't gonna come see me. You know? When I went to Pen Church, don't come see me. Just put money. Don't bring my kids on. I don't want to see y'all.
SPEAKER_03:Put money on my books because it's not about y'all.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:It's about me. And if I don't get myself together, I can't do nothing for y'all.
SPEAKER_06:I can't do nothing for nobody else.
SPEAKER_03:So I don't want to see y'all.
SPEAKER_06:So I just think sometimes people who do follow through with suicide just, yeah, I don't I wouldn't say that they were a punk or they were, I just was like, uh, they couldn't, they weren't strong enough. They wasn't.
SPEAKER_04:And I wouldn't say that. I'm gonna take that back. I wouldn't say they was a punk. They wasn't strong enough, and then they they faith, they let faith, they let their faith down. Yeah, they let their face down. That darkness would tear you up, baby. I'm telling you, when I tried to walk into that 18-wheeler truck, I seen me walking into this 18-wheeler truck.
SPEAKER_03:I seen the truck run me over, I seen all this, but I'm still here.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, it's because you have to allow yourself enough time to see God's plan.
SPEAKER_03:I seen it. I seen it right now. I don't know what God's plan is. All I know is I'm living for tomorrow.
SPEAKER_04:Yes. One day at a time. One day at a time. One day at a time. I know that I'm spiritually grounded. I know that I can't pick up and I'm not gonna pick up and I don't want to pick up. I know that sometimes, yes, that baby stressed me out. Yes, my husband stressed me out. Yes, school stressed me out. But I did 30 years in addiction. That should have stressed me out more. Yeah. But I'm still here.
SPEAKER_06:You have to see a bigger picture.
SPEAKER_04:So I got to walk. My grandmama gone, my granddaddy gone, my daddy gone, my mama gone, my other grandmama gone. All the metrinox is gone. I'm the oldest grandchild. It was 10 of my mama. She was the oldest. I'm the oldest grandchild. My son, the oldest great grandchild. His son, the oldest great-great grandchild. My grandmama seen five or six generations before she died.
SPEAKER_06:You can't help but to continue to win.
SPEAKER_04:I I I can't. I can't. My grandmama used to watch the news to see if they gonna find my money in the alley. She watched the news until I got clean. Every day.
SPEAKER_02:Every day.
SPEAKER_04:She prayed every day for me. When I got clean, she still was praying. She still didn't trust me.
SPEAKER_06:Before she died. And that's what we have to get. We have to want to get to see the end. And the end result.
SPEAKER_04:That end result, so that's what pushing me. That's what's pushing me. My mama seen me clean. My daddy seen me clean. My grandmama seeing me clean. Only two people that see me clean was my grandmother on my father's side and my granddaddy. And the only two, but they see me now.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:So I gotta push.
SPEAKER_06:I don't know why you insist on making me cry. When you ask why I do this, that's why. That's good. It's because I want all those that see my people, some of the people that hurt me are still living. And it's like look at me now. Look at me now. You can't deter me and you cannot muzzle me or mask me anymore.
SPEAKER_04:You know why? Because when they look at you, they hurt. They hurt when they look at you because they try to tear you down. And the more they try to tear you down, from a young one to now, the more you get stressed. The more arise. The more let them.
SPEAKER_06:And yeah, flaunt it. Mel Robbins. Look, let them.
SPEAKER_03:But hey, speak it out.
SPEAKER_06:Read this, read Mel Robbins, Let Them. That's a good book. Yeah. It's a good book. Let them. And you know, as I was writing my book, you know, it, you know, it that her book kind of inspires and says, you know what? Let them. Let them let them be who they are. Look, ex-husband can't stand me. Don't know why I like do you've been remarried to the same chick that I left you with. Like I left you. Let's keep that in mind. And still to this day, you know, um, not at uh maybe last year, you know, got into an argument with me. And at first I I let that fear come over me. And I was like, wait a minute, what the hell am I fearing for? I'm a grown woman now. These kids grown. Grown, grown. I went back and was like, let me tell you, I lit into him, but it made me think like after what, are my son is 37. After 30, 30 years, you still mad? What you mad for? You know why I'm mad? Look at you. Look. You should be mad. Like, what are you mad enough to put himself in the dirt? Yeah, but that's not mad he should be. Still mad. And I said to myself, he be and and that that same cousin who molested me. And this is the thing that I want to I want to tell people to people who do you wrong. God, you know, we so ready. I was so ready, I was a fighter. You know, as Scorpio, we put the paws on you in the heart. Yes. But I would I try to take teach my children, see, when you get older, you get wiser. Exactly. And what life has taught me, because at first, when I unmasked, oh, I wanted to go to Philly and let into my cousin. I wanted to expose everything, but why take away your why God, God, that cousin right now is a hot ass mess. He can't even wipe his own ass. So, and it just, you know, I had saw him.
SPEAKER_04:Why would you do something when God already did it?
SPEAKER_06:God already is handling it.
SPEAKER_04:He did it already.
SPEAKER_06:And he's doing it. And he's doing he's gonna continue. That's why we don't have to go out here and fight our battles. The battle is already won. Yes, you're going through pain. Yes, you're going through trauma, but all these people will be taken care of. God is the number one, he is a provider and protector, and everybody who did you wrong. That's it. Not here today or ain't doing well at all.
SPEAKER_03:Come on, man. What you want to say? That's it.
SPEAKER_06:But you know what I learned to say? But I was saying that uh last year, my husband, he caught like even my child, my daughter, like my daughter, my oldest daughter, don't even talk to him anymore because now you know she's seen a little bit as a kid, but she was like, as at this age, you still calling my mother black, stupid, ugly, monkey bitches? Seriously, you you think those same words still hurt?
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Because what what what else do he have to come at you with?
SPEAKER_03:What else? You know, what else? He don't have nothing.
SPEAKER_06:He has nothing. He's fighting a fight that he can't never win. You know, it's a done deal. You know, and then looking me up on the internet, so you see I live in over a half a million dollar home while you sit and living in a two-bedroom apartment. Bless your heart. God got it. God got it. So and that's not even the point of how you live and how he living.
SPEAKER_04:The point is you have arrived.
SPEAKER_06:I have arrived. That's the point. The point is, you know, when you're looking at people that tried to hurt you or it's because they now we talk about God and the devil, right? Which those spirits are real.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, they are.
SPEAKER_06:The devil, the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy. So of course, when you make it to where you're supposed to be, your hater is gonna come in. They're gonna come because they know they're gonna have to.
SPEAKER_04:And then at the end of the day, your haters, your friends that they say they were your friend, they're gonna drop. Oh yes. They're gonna drop. Yes. God don't drop them. Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. And you ain't even gonna know why. Look, you ain't gonna know when. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_03:And you ain't gonna worry about it either, because you know why? That's something that you didn't do yourself.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, God did that. You can't do that. When when when God elevates you, things have to die off. When God elevated you out of addiction, I'm sure you don't hang around with the friends that you used to do.
SPEAKER_04:I got I got one girlfriend with two, but one main girlfriend that she calls me. I call her and check on her. I'm her inspiration. But when I go to Chicago, I don't go see her. But on the phone, I would talk to her all day long. And she knows I love her dearly, but I don't go see her. If I'm in the streets and I see one of somebody I used to get high with, how you doing? Show them love. I'm out that door. That's not my company no more.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:That's not my company no more. I love you. I'm not better than you. Right. I am you. But I got to go.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah. I got to go. I just, I just I can't do that. You have a better version of yourself.
SPEAKER_04:I can't that that spirit won't allow me to stand there and do this with you.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah. It won't. So, sis, they you you uh you either fly with the eagles or you stay walking with the I know you're gonna say the eagles in. You just had to throw that in the room.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, you had to do that.
SPEAKER_06:I'm sorry. Well, no, I'm not sorry. I'm not gonna apologize. You better exactly. I think I'm already prepared. I've already I used to have a big circle, and that was a part of my trauma too. I wanted to save and be everybody's friend to see, show you that Brie is a good girl.
SPEAKER_04:No, you can't do that. Bree is a good girl. My brother, my brother tell you, y'all ain't got no friends up there. I told him I ain't move up here for no friends. All my friends is to come. I didn't move up here with no friends. I said, I got who I want when I want them. God put them in my life. Yeah, and that's who's gonna stay in my life. I'm not trying to meet no new friends, I don't want no new friends. People don't come over, I don't care. That's right. Because when I want to have fun, I know where to go.
SPEAKER_00:That's right.
SPEAKER_03:I can have fun by myself. I don't need nobody to help me have fun.
SPEAKER_06:Or judge. No, I don't need none of that. I'm telling you.
SPEAKER_03:I'm not trying to impress nobody.
SPEAKER_06:None.
SPEAKER_03:I am who I am. If you're gonna accept it or not, move around because I ain't going nowhere.
SPEAKER_06:And the other thing too is I learned when you're a person of trauma or past pains, you want to help everybody you want to see. Everybody. But then when the time comes for you, ain't nobody there. You looking around.
SPEAKER_04:And ain't nobody there. Ain't nobody there. Until you until you achieve and you and get off that boat. Now they like, girl, how you know? I ain't gonna tell you. You know, because if you I want to tell you something, but I ain't gonna tell you. Yeah. I'm gonna leave you like you are because at the end of the day, it's your problem, not mine. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:And gotta see you through, gotta help you, gotta make it. I put everybody back in the hands of the Lord. Like well, can they go?
SPEAKER_03:Because I can't hold them.
SPEAKER_06:I can't, you know, even and you know that, oh gosh, that you know, you it's like when you get older, you get wiser. Yeah, you supposed to start to see, you know, stayed in church, like you said. I mean, I've been born a Catholic, raised a Baptist, born in a uh raised in the uh I went through all that. I went through every religion that you can possibly imagine.
SPEAKER_04:Well, what I realized today is that God is love, no matter what, no matter what religion, what Christianity, whatever, he is love, you know, and you know he's love because it's in your heart and your soul.
SPEAKER_06:And you always but you always want to see people win. But at the end of the day, don't nobody want to see you win. If yet for those who don't want to see you win, I tend to stick with people I pray with them more. I pray for them more. I do. I do, I pray for my ex-husband. I look, look, dude, may God and the force be with you.
SPEAKER_04:You know, I pray, I pray for my ex-husband. I I pray, but I I'm like this. I thank God for me. Yeah, oh yes. Look, I thank God for saving me. I thank God for allowing me. I thank God for me. I thank God for me, for allowing me to see two different lives at one time. And be just and it ain't it, it ain't even really two, it's three. Because I see three different parts of me. I see the childhood, I see the addiction, I see me. I got one more to go. What is that gonna be?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:What it is now, what it is.
SPEAKER_02:I don't know. You don't know yet. I don't know.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:That's it. I'm just counting it. Yeah. I don't know. I'm just counting it.
SPEAKER_06:I look, Rochelle, it's like I'm just now living. I feel like I'm just now living, and I'll be 55.
SPEAKER_03:In a couple more days, you'll be whack.
SPEAKER_04:You be white, girl. You better claim that, huh? Rocket baby.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Go ahead and look at it. So okay, because I didn't have to be here. I could have given up so many times. And that's that's an you asked me what's the reason for B3.
SPEAKER_04:I needed to know because it's like this platform is a valid evaluating. What am I trying to say?
SPEAKER_06:It's a valid, it's a what are you trying to say? It's a validation that you can do, that you can make it. Right. B3, it's you that you can break the cycle, okay? That's it. It's you can build a legacy. It's you because that's what I'm doing. That's what we're doing. That's it. We're building legacies. That's it.
SPEAKER_05:That's it.
SPEAKER_06:We are building legacies, and the more people when you and I pray for you that you do get that recovery home. Oh, I'm getting it. And and I know you will. I'm getting it. Because anything that God has for you, no man can stop.
SPEAKER_03:I'm getting it. I'm I'm not, I don't care who head I'm stepping on.
SPEAKER_06:I'm getting it. We want to step on the devil's head.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I'm gonna step from him every day.
SPEAKER_06:Every day, every day, every second of the day. Every opportunity that I get to show somebody another person who has made it through. I want people to say, if Miss Rochelle Tucker made it through 30 years of addiction, was it how many years of addiction? Close to 30 years. 30 years of addiction.
SPEAKER_04:That damn food. That's what they're gonna say. That that damn food made, I know I can't.
SPEAKER_06:Look, and for those that are viewing you who know you, I know people who look your husband that you're married to now, you knew him since grade school. No, since high school. High school.
SPEAKER_04:We had high school crushes on each other. High school. High school crushes on each other. And uh we graduated from high school in '85 together. He had a 20-year marriage. I had an addiction marriage. Uh I got married, he got divorced, we connected, and I'm here. And and there you are.
SPEAKER_06:And he knew all of your past.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Of course it did, because I wasn't finna marry him without knowing giving it to him. I gave him everything he needed to know and more. Sunday he was like, what the hell am I doing?
SPEAKER_06:But look at like that's the same with my husband. You know, my husband, I, you know, he sat one day because after I came back from that trauma clinic, I told him and I explained to her, I did a little arts and crafts, and I had to show him I had graves, you know, and he just was like, I can't believe that you went through like that hurt him so bad. Yeah. But I say, you know, what I say now is don't that little girl, that little girl, I I what I did was when I left Chicago, because I went to the rush home in Chicago, and I remember leaving that that hotel room, and I envised that little girl sitting on the bed, and I said, You'll be all right. You know, start your start your life, start a good thing.
SPEAKER_04:Start your whole section.
SPEAKER_06:But I am still learning. Somebody said to me, uh-uh, don't leave that little girl behind. Bring her with you. And I said, you know what? I just start, I don't, it's like I didn't bring her with, but grow. Go hit, be you, you are allowed, she got the change off.
SPEAKER_04:She gotta grow with you through you. She has to. So she has to. My 12-year-old girl had to grow with me through me. Because sometimes I still see her come out.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I still see her come out.
SPEAKER_03:I told girl, you don't sit your little mad ass down somewhere. Because I was managed. I wasn't managed, managed, I was spoiled. And I'm still spoiled and if you my granddaddy ain't here to spoil me like that. So I spoil myself. So if you're not gonna spoil me, I'm gonna spoil myself. I don't care whatever it takes me to do it, I'm gonna do it. For me, it was anger.
SPEAKER_06:I I was, you know, I was I was spoiled at the age of one and nine. Then, you know, my grandmother raised me. I grew up thinking my grandmother was my mother. Then my mother decided to go and change the whole world around and watching her getting beaten. Then I'd get beaten. Then you go in the military and you get all of this. I was angry. I was angry.
SPEAKER_04:I can't say I was angry, B, Bree. I got angry when I got older. I get angry in my addiction. I didn't get angry growing up. I didn't. I was a tomboy. I didn't get angry growing up because I it didn't nothing stop. The abuse, the abuse, the Malaysian stopped, but I blocked that out.
SPEAKER_03:I didn't need that. Like I said, I didn't recover that until I was 30, late 30s, 20, you know what I'm saying? I didn't recover that until Oprah Running came out.
SPEAKER_04:But uh all through the life, but I think it caught me when I got when I started dealing with boys. Because I was a convoy until I was 18, till I was 17. I was grinding for a whole year when my baby dead. I got tired of grinding. I said, let's do this stuff for real. He was younger than me, but he was more experienced than me. Then I boofed up past him. So that molestation kicked in then. And I didn't realize that. I didn't realize that. I didn't even know what a climax was. I just knew I was wet.
SPEAKER_06:Yo know what I've been I've been with my husband now uh 14 years. And look, okay, we're just gonna keep it real, okay? Before my husband, I didn't really know what making love was. Exactly. Yeah, you know, I didn't really now it's like my body, yeah, like Wow, I need this. Uh somebody who has been molested, you you you don't know what still needs those, you you just really don't know what love is and none of that. That's you know, I was tricked into that first marriage just because here I was pregnant by my my my my rapist, and I didn't want to say anything, and then here this man said, I'll take care of you. But see, he knew that he that's how vulnerable he caught me vulnerable and he knew how my mother was, so he tricked me into saying, I'll take care of you. And then once I got in with him and his family, I had my son, I was pregnant. Before I went back to my six-week checkup, I was pregnant with my second son. And here comes the abuse. Yeah. I was like, Well, I thought I was safe. No, it was already there. I didn't get a chance. He had a hidden agenda for you. Yeah, I didn't get that. I didn't get the chance. I never got the chance to sit down and tell anybody what happened or what what went through my mind or what was going on. I thought I was in my safe space with him. So he wasn't another baby. I'm like, okay, we're going to do it. And then now at like uh I maybe was six months pregnant, you dragging me down the steps, beating on me. It's like, oh, then you here come the numbness. And it, I was people back then, you couldn't call the cops on your husband for rape. No, there was no such thing. That's your husband. He can't rape. That's your husband, he can't rape you. So it's like I'm just now at this age of 14 years, because look, I was out there because after a while, you you lose that self-worth, and I I went to the military. I went to the military, I was like, oh, yeah, you get the push. You get the you want the pussy? You can get it. And I don't want to, because first of all, you were trying to clean yourself because you felt dirty. I just didn't care.
SPEAKER_03:You didn't care.
SPEAKER_06:I didn't care who got it, who wanted it. You're not hurting me. Right. Now, you know, I'm thinking like, oh, you know, I've I run this now. So, but at you know, like I'm using men, and at the same, at the time, it really I wasn't using them. I was still just masking, masking yourself, masking myself.
SPEAKER_04:Numbness, pushing it all the way down to the bottom of your stomach, and just going to live life.
SPEAKER_06:My husband, with the now, the first time we got together, I just was like, you know, I had been celebrating because I was like the married man's dream. It was like, you know, here I am. You know, I wouldn't even know half the people be married. You know what I'm saying? It's like, why don't you just tell me? But for my husband, uh, you know, I got I had a situation, I just was like, that's it. I'm tired. I was in, you know, 40 years old. It's time for a change. I'ma just be celibate, like Cardi said. I'm gonna be celibate. I know I can make some money. Go ahead, Cardi. You did that that album, girl, but anyway. Yes, she did. Uh, Cardi did that album, but anyway, I am the drama. Yes, yes, I am.
SPEAKER_04:Yes, I am my own drama though. Yeah, my own drama. That's the part. Yeah, I'm my own drama.
SPEAKER_06:I'm not your drama, I'm my own. I don't need no help. And so with my husband coming into my, I just well, for first time being with him, I was like, well, you know, whatever. One night, I ain't I ain't worried about it because I had been celibate for like, I don't know, almost a year during that time. So when I met my husband, I, you know, we one time. And then when he he you know called me the next day, I was like, what the hell? He didn't call me back. I mean, you will know when somebody genuinely loves me. When someone genuinely loves you because they will show it. My husband didn't show it right with sex, because that was a wild night. You know what I'm talking about, baby. That was a wild night. He when he came back, you know, I was a single mom. All my four of my children was out of the house. My daughter was with me, my baby girl was with me. He came in making changes, like, oh, why do you got this furniture here? Oh, you don't have a TV. Let me get you a TV, let me get you a washing machine. Washing machine broke, he bought a new one. You know, it's like, wait a minute, what what what is going on? When when people come in genuinely to love you for who you are, this man didn't know nothing about me. But when we had sex again, it was different. You've seen the fireworks. Fireworks, I mean, he touched me different, fireworks. He cared about me. Yeah. And that's why I try to tell my my children, all young late, just you know, if you have been molested, you know, because one thing that I want people to know is that it's our story. Yeah, nobody knows what you've been through better than you. So you can't expect, like, my husband don't understand, like, don't touch me when I'm in the shower. Don't touch me if you're dirty. If I get out the shower and you touch me, we're gonna fight. And he would be like, Why are you like that? You know, if I say to be gentle with me, and he don't understand, I had to learn is he, it's not for him to understand.
SPEAKER_04:No, you have to spin it to him.
SPEAKER_06:But it's like we have a good communication. I'm very blessed with the the husband I have, the friends that I have, because I can understand you. You know what I'm saying? If you say, Brie, you know, I don't want this, I don't want to eat that, or I don't want to drink alcohol or whatever. I was like, okay, Rochelle, and I'll bring it, you know what I mean? But you can't expect everybody to understand your past traumas. You can't, it's it's so much to learn about women and men who have experienced trauma. Yeah. But sis, I'm telling you, we could talk to this audience all we're not, but we're gonna come back. I'm gonna invite you back because it's so much that we can talk about and help people through. And I think this is October, okay? Transformation.
SPEAKER_04:This is all one scorpion in next month. So we have two episodes, yeah. Scorpion.
SPEAKER_06:It'll be a part two. Mount up, okay. Transform. Boom. Okay, so sis, thank you, my audience. Thank you for coming on this show. Fireside chat with Bree, and we're gonna do this again. I thank you all for joining us at this week. Thank you, and have a good day, everyone.
SPEAKER_04:God bless.