Healing Beyond Grief Part 1

Some losses hit like an explosion. Others land quietly, then keep echoing for years. We sit down with certified grief educator and suicide loss grief coach Lynn Lewis to talk about what grief really is, why it is not limited to death, and why so many veteran women, leaders, and professionals feel like they have to carry it in silence. If you have ever wondered why you “should be over it by now,” why certain seasons feel brutal, or why your body reacts like danger is near, this conversation puts real language to what you are living.

We break down grief coaching vs grief counseling and grief therapy, including what forward-focused grief coaching can look like when you feel stuck and just want to figure out how to live again. We also unpack the difference between “lost” and “loss,” and why that shift matters when your grief is tied to identity changes, divorce, illness, military transition, empty nesting, or the painful “never” moments that surface at graduations, holidays, and everyday milestones.

The heart of this conversation holds space for suicide bereavement, PTSD, survivor guilt, and the relentless “what could I have done” questions. Lynn shares a simple, unforgettable visual for grief in daily life: grief as a tennis ball in a jar, where the grief can remain real while the space for life slowly grows. We end with permission and practicality: feel what you feel, tell the truth about what hurts, and get support that matches what you are carrying.

If this helped you name your own experience, subscribe, share this with someone who is grieving, and leave a review so more people can find grief support that actually meets them where they are.

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Transcript

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Opening Mantra And Welcome

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Some fires destroy you. Others rebuild you. From trauma to triumph, your pain can become your purpose. Let's become unstoppable.

SPEAKER_03 0:16

Welcome back to the show, everyone. Welcome to today's show, The Big Take Back, Healing Beyond Grief. And I am your host, Dr. Bree Charles, along with the most beautiful Miss, my co-host, Miss Pat Smith. Hey, Pat Girl, how are you doing today? I'm doing great. How about yourself? Good, good. Looking as beautiful as ever. So today, yeah, thank you, girl. Today was on this season. Um, B3U is shifting into more of a hybrid transformational format where we are going to be discussing real life experiences. We're going to reflect on the emotional and the mental impact. Then we're going to transition into healing, rebuilding, and transformation.

New Season Format And Who It Helps

SPEAKER_03 1:03

You guys know that I love that word, transformation. And the goal is not to stay stuck in what happened, but to help our audience understand how to move forward and reclaim their lives. So this episode especially will connect with veteran women and leaders, professionals who are silently navigating through their grief and event individuals dealing with loss, transition, trauma, or or emotional heaviness.

Meet Lynn Lewis And Her Work

SPEAKER_03 1:34

So I want to welcome the beautiful Miss Lynn Lewis to the stage. Lynn Lewis is our certified grief counts grief education. Grief educator. I am so tongue-twisted today.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

Hey, Lynn, how are you? I'm well. I'm well, Dr. Bree. Hi, Pat. I'm well. Thank you for having me here today.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

Oh, awesome. Thank you for joining us. This is really a uh much needed uh conversation that we are going to have here today. So I'm so excited. Uh Lynn, please tell us a little bit about yourself and your background as a uh certified grief. Okay, certainly.

SPEAKER_02 2:16

Uh as you heard know, my name is Lynn Lewis and I am a certified grief educator. I am also a um suicide grief um coach, uh suicide loss grief coach, and which means that my niche is in the suicide arena uh as a coach. I am a um published author, I'm a contributing um writer to a couple of media outlets, and I am a tea enthusiast. Love a cup of tea, whether it's virtually or in person. And I'm the chief empathy officer for Destined to Thrive Grief Coaching Services.

SPEAKER_03 3:00

Okay, awesome. Well, you you said you're authored.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

So how many books have you written? I've I've uh my solo project is a grief um journey, uh suicide grief journey journal and memory book. So that's my solo project, and I did that about three years ago in memory of my son, but I have uh five uh anthologies, so um uh have collaborated on five different um books, okay. Two just came out right this this month, actually. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 3:39

Where can we find them?

SPEAKER_03 3:40

Where can we find your books at?

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Okay, you can find the journal on Amazon uh or you can find the journal as well as all of the other books on my website at um destined to thrive griefcoaching.com. And or you can DM me on Facebook or um Instagram. On Instagram, I'm Grief Coaching Lynn, and I can mail them directly to you. Or if you're in my area, be glad to meet up with you to have that cup of tea while you pick up your signed copy of the uh anthology. So thank you for asking about that, Bree.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

And no problem, no problem. Look, we need all the information, we need all this information so we can get to it because so many of us out here have lost somebody, and sometimes we don't know how to navigate that grief, especially when you're a veteran and you're you know working in the service at the time. That's hard when you lose um people. So, what led you to become a grief coach? Oh, good question.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

Excuse me. In August of 2019, my son passed away. And shortly after that happened, I just made a really a personal declaration to myself that I did not, first of all, I wasn't going to die with my son, and second, this grief burden was too heavy for me to carry by myself. And when I say that, I mean to keep it to myself because I felt like there were other people that needed to know that they were not by themselves if they were on a similar journey. And also, I just believed that it would help other people. Um, in addition to helping other people, it would help me with my own personal um healing process. And with that in mind, I began to try to figure out, okay, what does this look like? Because I didn't know, right? Uh, and I just did some research on our friend, Mr. Google, and I came upon grief coaching. Did not know such a thing existed. Of course, I knew about grief therapy, grief counseling, support groups, all of those things, but grief coaching caught my eye. And I ended up finding a program um from grief to gratitude, um, grief coaching with um Coach Dora Carpenter out of Washington, D.C. And I joined her program, went through that, got the certification. I believe it was the end of 2021. And um, so that I that's how it actually got started.

SPEAKER_03 6:33

Okay. I you know, I as well did not know that I knew there was grief uh counseling. You know, I know about that because you know my sister um she through some of that, but I did

Why Grief Coaching Exists

SPEAKER_03 6:45

not know there was a grief coach. So, yes, I I didn't know as well. That is awesome. So, what is grief really beyond the loss of yeah, and grief coming with go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

Most people are familiar with life coaches, of course, um health coaches, and it's similar, but it focuses on your grief journey. So, grief coaching, as a grief coach, I focus on uh uh helping you move forward, so it's forward-focused, um, and where the counselors and the therapists, they uh sometimes people need to deal with some other things that maybe have come up or were already there when a loss happened, and so that's more along the grief therapy counselor um area of expertise. Uh, grief coaches, we do not diagnose and we do not prescribe any meds, we do not have um uh a state-mandated license. So it's basically like a life coach. It behooves us to educate ourselves, of course, um, which I do, uh, but that's kind of the difference. So we help you to, and you mentioned, I think, in our conversation earlier about being stuck. You know, sometimes it's just like, okay, what do I do with this? I can't change it, can't go back to the day before. What do I do with it? In the meantime, I want to move forward. I still want to live with this loss as a part of my life. And so that's what I help people do. That's what I strive to help people do. And see that transformation.

SPEAKER_03 8:28

Yes, look, I am real big on transformation, you know. Um, what I realize about grief, uh, I am a veteran um US Army vet, and I suffer from PTSD, anxiety, and depression. And some of my biggest things uh was fear, and the biggest thing that messes with my PTSD is death because I have been surrounded by it so much, it has affected me. And so I I just learned today because again, I did not know the differences between the the different um formalities of grief educators and coaches and as therapists that there's coaches, so I'm gonna be looking you up. We're gonna have that tea girl, because uh it's a fear, and it's like every day I would, it's like you know, uh as I um have this expressed, uh I have a daughter who's an epileptic. Things like that trigger me when there she has a seizure. I mean, I can see death so plainly in an instant, then I get feared, and you know, and then I become to over mom, you know. I'm like, I'm watching your heart rate. I'm looking at you, you know, and uh let me drop here and it becomes overwhelming. So it it's uh grief is um because I've lost uh in my book, The Big Take Back, What I Left Behind. I dedicate a section in A and to the four four young souls that I lost. Um, they have it has really impacted me to lose so many family members, lose nieces and nephews that were close to me. And then I lost the soldier to suicide. And it's like that is a heavy weight. That's a heavy weight. And it's like, you know, my you know, it's a lot of us who has dealt with these same things, and I'm sure Pat can, you know, um um relate to this. That's yeah, like my sister, you know, she's not coming to my graduation, or she didn't come to my graduation uh when I got my doctorate because it's graduate, it was graduation season, and it's affecting her. It had affected her to where she couldn't make it. But who says that you and I told her, look, sis, I understand. No, and she didn't expect to go back. She said, I didn't expect to feel like this to go back. Now, I my nephew has been gone for I think about uh eight years now, but who says it's a time limit on grieving? You know, there's no time limit on grieving, and there's and

Loss Beyond Death And Identity Shifts

SPEAKER_03 11:20

that was my question, um, all as well. Like, what are some forms of grief people often overlook? A lot of people overlook grief, like why she's still grieving or why he's still going through this. Um, I will say the biggest thing that you know that I I will say, I will go ahead and be transparent because I'm about transparency. It's like when people lose a loved one, right? Uh uh stuff, and you see that person married within the next year, I'll be like, wow, they didn't even give them a chance to, you know, the same way. I'm like, so quickly, they get married again so quickly. And some people see it as hey, they gotta live their lives, they gotta go on, they gotta do this, and then others may look at it like, wow, did you really love your spouse? I told my husband, you you bet 10 years before you bring somebody and my dad go a house, you better grieve me for a minute. So, what are some forms of grief that people often?

SPEAKER_02 12:27

First of all, I I like to excuse me, always um start with loss. If we think about loss, uh, it is not exclusive to death. It can it is really no longer having access or being deprived of something or somebody that we love, that we cherish, that we care deeply about. So it could be a number of things. You know, though of course, death is is one, and that usually comes top of mind when we hear the word loss and and grief. Uh Dr. Bree when when they've served in the military, and now you you know, that's one type of life. And then when you transition out, it's like, whoa, I gotta get accustomed to civil, you know, civil life, I think is the right term. But um, you know, of course, divorce, you know, family dynamics change, illness, illness. Um, and I was just thinking the other day about uh amputees, you know, every single day you you you look at yourself and and a part of you is missing. Um, and you and I have a friend who recently went through um a surgery, and this friend says, Every time I take my clothes off, I'm reminded I'm grieving my body parts, you know. Um, I have a similar story. You know, every time I take my clothes off, okay, the twins don't look like twins anymore, you know. Um, so there are so many things that uh losses, and I some people don't like to use the word loss, but it's L-O-S-S, not L O S T. You know, so I concentrate on that. Um, I didn't I didn't lose my son as an LOST. I know what happened. He passed away, he died. Um, but the loss is what will you know sit in my chest from now until I leave this earth. Um, and then think about grief. Grief is the reaction, the emotional reactions and responses that we have to that loss. You know, your your sister, you mentioned your sister and how she wasn't um didn't come to your graduation because that that loss of her her child several years ago, but that grief, that emotion resurfaced the thought of sitting in a graduation and knowing that he'll never have that moment. She'll never have that moment. So we think about the emotions, that's what the grief is. It's those emotions um that are in response to a loss. Um, so I like to kind of you know give that example. And then, of course, grieving is that whole process that we go through. Um, yep, sometimes we don't think about it, sometimes it doesn't bother us. Things that we didn't think would bother us does. Um, my um husband's niece had a well, her sister-in-law, and sister-in-law gave her daughter a baby shower a couple of weeks ago. And beautiful event, the the mother to be looked beautiful. And I was reflecting on it the next day, and I said, wow, that I'll never have that opportunity. My my son was my only child, and he didn't have any children before he left. And so I didn't think that would bother me, but and I don't know that he ever would have had any children, but it's that never. It's that never for your sister, knowing she'll never see her son walk across any stage. Um, so and it's graduation season. Um, another loss is this graduation season, parents have raised their children and they've been mom and dad that have been a huge part of their lives. And now, son, daughter, you know, got whomever the child is that they've raised, even if it's you know, godchildren or grandchildren, now that said child is gone. Either they are gone to college or they're gone out to live on their own. They may be gone to get married or move to a different city. That's that's a loss, L O S S, because now that's kind of a loss of identity. Like, wow, what do I do now? You know, I've had parents say, I'm moving wherever they go to school, I'm I'm moving, I'm moving to where they are. So those are losses, and then um, ladies, there are so many um uh ambiguous type losses that society doesn't even consider, such as, so for instance, if uh if a couple have divorced, but they still have connection, they still maybe have children or grandchildren, and they may not have children, but they have a um a personable or reasonable relationship, you know, they still can talk to each other, and then one of them passed away. So society would say, Well, you were divorced from that person for X number of years, why do you care? That that's a that's a grief that some most people would hold to themselves because they don't want to hear, they don't want to hear the chatter, they don't want to hear the chatter. Um for things that you can't readily see. Suicide is one, that's my story. Suicide, and you mentioned your soldier, um, because suicide has a huge stigma. Oh, what they were selfish, they chose to do that to themselves, they were crazy, um, you know, all of these things. So sometimes survivors of suicide loss push that down because we don't want to hear it, we don't want to be looked bad upon. We don't want to to, we don't want our person to be judged for the choice that they made, the decision that they made. So it's huge. It's it's huge.

SPEAKER_03 19:03

It is, it is. I it's also um one that I and I know um Pat can relate to this as well. The women who I have another sister who lost her fiance. And that, oh gosh, that happened before my other sister lost her son. And I'm telling you, when you see uh a woman who, you know, when I saw her, she was had she was uh she just so happened to be my relative at the same time as well, and she had just she was going to get married in our our backyard, and they had plans together. And when he died from a motorcycle accident, uh uh 18-wheeler, um, they were on the side of the road because someone's um uh bike broke down in an 18-wheeler it just happened to um hit those on the side, some of them on the side of the road, but he died from his injuries. And when I tell you to see so much life in a person who you once knew before that the loss, okay, you taught me some today, you know. Before the loss, they are vibrant, so much life looking at my

Suicide Loss PTSD And Survivor Guilt

SPEAKER_03 20:20

sister. It was like looking inside a house with no lights on. It was something like her soul had been ripped away, those things affect me. And I know Pat Pat, I know girl, you go ahead because I you know Yeah, I can um I can definitely um relate to that because I this exact same thing happened to me.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Um, the difference is is that he shot himself in front of me. Um, and the only pain that that I felt before that was so so wrenching was the death of my parents. Um, and it's hard to explain to people who, like you said, who who've never experienced it the the depth of the pain that you actually feel. And it's just like, and it's all of a sudden, and to have to deal with it and to deal with the aftermath and to talk to the parents and to talk to the siblings and to go to the funeral and do all that. It's like, okay, we had things that we were wanted to do, you know. Um, but he was a soldier, um, and he was in um the special forces and stuff, so he had really bad PTSD, and he had an episode where he thought the house was surrounded. And so it was it was it was hard to deal with. It's still hard to deal with. I still get I still talk to him, and I know people think that that's crazy. I still talk to my mom and my dad. Um, I still feel all of their presence. Um, they're not with me physically, but they'll forever be with me. With me spiritually and in my heart. And I don't, I don't, I see it as a even though it hurts for them being not being here with me, I know that they're at peace there. My mom had a um brain tumor, and I went back and forth and I stayed in um ICU with her for weeks, you know, and went back and forth to the hospital until she passed and different things because um she's in Louisiana. But you know, of course I wanted her here with me. I didn't want her to go anywhere because my mom was like, that was my that was my baby. That's my baby right there. You know, that was my that was like my everything where I got you know everything from, you know, it was like losing air when I lost my mom. And um my the alternative was do you want her here to hurt? Do you want her here to be, you know, to struggle, to be in pain, to go through, you know, to can continue to go through this knowing what it would lead to? You know, I was like, no, I would rather her go in peace, you know what I mean, and be at rest than for her to be here and be in pain and agony and not have a quality of life. So um, you have to rationalize and and get over the things that um isn't my fault. What could I have done better? What could I have done differently? What could I have said or changed that would have made them think differently? Or what did I do? Did I cause them to feel that way? So you go through a plethora of emotions to on yourself to say, okay, what could I have done better? Where did I fail that that person felt that way, that they did that thing, especially with suicide? What did I not do that day? Or what did I do that day that could have made them feel that way? I went through all of that, you know. Um, could I have said something differently? Could I have done something differently? What did I do enough of? But then I had to realize and step back, Pat, it's not, it wasn't about you. And once you realize that the the loss of the suicide, the death, it's not about you. It's something, especially with suicide, that internally that they couldn't overcome or they felt they couldn't overcome. So I had to realize that, and it's still hard at times, hard at times now. I will say, okay, Pat, I'll play the day and the time back in my head, and I'll say, Pat, what could you have done differently? Then I have to stop myself. No, stop it. It wasn't about you, it wasn't about anything you did or did not do. It was other forces outside, even outside of his control, that made him feel that you know that was the best option for him because he had really, really bad PTSD, you know. Um, because he was seeing flashbacks because it's like you said, you see all the people around you. And I'm, you know, I went to war two, you see your comrades die and do all this other kind of stuff, and it breaks you. It literally does. And people don't understand, they see soldiers and they don't understand. It's like, even if I convey the story to you, the magnitude you will never understand of being in a wartime situation. There's no video game or nothing on TV that will ever show you the true impact of what we deal with when we over there and we have to see that. So, yeah, it's it's definitely a lot to handle. It is.

Break House Of Humanity Appeal

SPEAKER_03 25:29

We're going to go to commercial break really quick, and we are gonna come back. I'm telling you, this is this is a conversation uh to have, and we'll be right back after this brief message. Here at the House of Humanity, we serve those families in need. Donate or get involved today by visiting www.thehouse of humanity.org. So join us because here at the House of Humanity, we are truly making a way.

Self Blame Why It Feels Normal

SPEAKER_03 25:57

Well, welcome back from that commercial break. Okay, so last suggest to jump right back in there. Go ahead, uh, Lynn.

SPEAKER_02 26:05

So uh something that excuse me, that Pat mentioned as far as her fiance and um his mental health and then his the final decision that he made. Um, and how how Pat, you felt some some like I'll say guilt because you question yourself about what you could have done, uh, what you should have done. And that is perfectly normal. And I don't know how long it's been for you, but for me, it's been almost seven years, and there are still some days that I ruminate, that I play my tapes back, what could I have done? What did I miss? You know, what did I say or not say, all of those things, and and and it is a formal guilt, but what I've what I self-talk to myself and to others is that when persons, and I don't know the medical part, I'm working on learning, but what I have been told and what I know so far is that when someone gets to that point, that final decision, that they, okay, this is this is the answer. I can't take it anymore. Um, something goes on in the brain, in the body, something shifts in that frontal lobe. And so maybe that's something you and I can do a project on to figure find that out so we can share to others. Because what happens too is I mentioned earlier, people um they get angry with their person. And while, yes, I've had some anger to my son, you know, why couldn't you have talked to us? You know, his dad, and the three of us had a good relationship. Um, why couldn't you have talked to your friends? He had three or four guys that he talked, you know, that they were together, they they still keep in touch with us. Um, the why, why, why, why? And, you know, what did I do? What did I not do? All of that is normal because it's so unexpected. And even though, like in Pat's instance, you know, you knew that he had the um struggle with the PTSD. But still, there was always, um, there's always that hope that it's not going to end this way. You know, he he's pulled through before he's gonna pull through. Whatever my son was dealing with, he's gonna pull through. And my son, at the point of his death, he appeared to be at a really good point in life. He had a job that he liked, and and um, he was a professional firefighter, he was at a station that he liked. And so, you know, it was a total surprise that his life ended the way it did. Um, and some people would say, Well, if I just had been with them, but then there are people like you, Pat. There's another young lady that I know, her fiance took his life right beside her. You know, there's a a mother I know of um through a former co-worker. Her daughter took her life either right in front of her family or her mom. So we we have to have that self-talk and um be okay with knowing it wasn't about us at that point. It just was not about that. And and I know for a fact, my son knows that he was loved unconditionally. I know that he loved us because he he said it all the time, he showed it. Um, so it was not about us at that time. It was whatever was so heavy, whatever was so hard for them to carry. Um, they just had to leave. And it's unfortunate, but that's part of how do how do we go? How do we move forward? It's decision. It's the decision, it's choice that we have to make to move forward um despite what have had what has happened. So I just wanted to touch bases on that a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 30:22

Yeah, and that's this is this is this, I feel like I'm getting this, this, this therapy. Again, uh, again, uh, I wish I would have known that it were people like you, but I didn't uh I didn't feel I didn't know what category um I went to um I was at the time I was um the president of a sorority and I was going through some real thick hardship, but I just didn't not understand. Uh I lost the soldier to uh to suicide. He um when he was uh WTU, that's wounded warrior transition unit. I was cadre there, and I lost my soldier to suicide. And when he came in, he he said, you know, it wasn't about when uh he said it wasn't a matter if he was going to commit suicide. He just came and said it's not a matter if I'm if I'm going to. He says it's just a matter of when. And because back then, you know, um I looked at myself as I can save everybody. I'm that person with that heart. I save everybody. Like I heard what you said, but you know, and I would try to talk to him like, Hey, look, I suffer from PTSD, I suffer from these things. Come on, buddy, we could make it together, you know. Like, you know, this is and and then my nephew, I lost my nephew again. Being in the military, when you're in the military and you're away from your family, you have a disconnect. So you can't see your nieces and nephews all the time, your family members all the time. And then when I lost him, I see the same thing I'm saying here. I wasn't there. What kind of on am I? If I was in his life more, maybe I could have done more with my soldier. It was like I had so many questions. Like, I told you that we were going to make it together. Like, what happened that you didn't listen to me? I still, and on uh on Memorial Day is the hardest day for me. And uh during that time, I had um leadership and my my it was some leadership, and they robbed me. How so I that's my opinion, they robbed me of seeing him for the last time because all I wanted to do was go to that hospital. We rushed to see what hospital he all I wanted to do was get to that hospital and just talk to him. And when I got there, they blocked me from doing it. Oh no, you can't see him, you can't see him. You ain't you ain't gonna wanna see him like that because he uh got in a tub and he a sawed off shotgun and shot himself in the head. I I just couldn't believe it. I didn't care what for now, maybe it was good for me, or maybe it wasn't, but I still feel to this day that I didn't get the closure I need to just sit and ask them, like what happened? We could have made it. Why didn't you come to me? Why didn't I see the signs? So we suffered, we still suffer it. Same thing with my nephew. Like, all my nieces and nephews know that Aunt BB, that's what they call me back home in Philly, is Aunt BB. Everybody, all my nieces and nephews know that hey, I'm right there, I'm right here, and I think it's that disconnect. So we still suffer with things on on how do we how do we live? How do we could if we don't get that closure? Now we got to talk to them, and you know, it's it's it's crazy. It's it's crazy, but I'm so glad that we have you know, um, educators like you. Now that I know you exist, I pray that my audience who's out there listening know that hey, even if you're in the Virginia, Virginia area, uh look up uh Lynn Lewis. Uh she is she's amazing. I know I'm getting a lot from this conversation right now. So, Lynn, um I'm gonna ask uh this one last question, and um then we're gonna have to come back. We're gonna have to come back for part two to this because there's so much information. I know my audience out there is like, wow, I know that a lot of us are feeling everything that these women here that we're talking about. So we want to um give you the most of this conversation because it's so much needed. But the one thing that I want to uh ask um before we come back, I asked you to come back. Lynn, please come back. I'll come back. We just have to coordinate the schedule. Okay, okay, good, good. So, how does grief show up in everyday life?

The Tennis Ball Jar Metaphor

SPEAKER_03 35:01

I know we touched on it a little bit, but how does it show up in everyday life from the people that you have canceled?

SPEAKER_02 35:10

Um, let's see. Everyday life, again, it's going to uh um it depends upon different things because first of all, as we all know, it varies from person to person and from loss to loss. I mean, it it varies. You know, my mother passed away a long time ago when I was only 18 years old. And so back in the 70s, we didn't have these types of conversations. You just, you know, they they were sick, they died, they were buried, and you just kind of picked up and and went on. So we thought. Um then, of course, I had other persons that pass away along my way, aunts and cousins, friends. Um, but the the one that happened in 2019 with my son, that was the one that you know knocked the wind out of me. Um, so every day it is it really is different every day, I'll say for me and for people that I've talked to, particularly people who uh they they are still striving to thrive in life after loss. Because what happens with the grief is it's there, it's there, and I'll I'll share my my my my visual, my virtual visual. If you think about grief as a tennis ball, and a tennis ball stuffed into a pint-sized jar, which is like six 16 ounces, I believe. Yeah, um, so it's not a lot of space for anything else in that jar except for grief. But as time goes on, um imagine the the tennis ball and inside of a quart-sized jar. So the the grief is still there, but there's space for more things, more of life. And then as time goes on, imagine the tennis ball inside of a gallon-sized jar. The grief is still there, that tennis ball, but there is more space for life to take place. And so that has happened to me, is always there. His his demise is always playing in the back of my mind, but most days it's the it's in a gallon-sized jar because I'm living my life. I enjoyed my life. Um, I enjoy it despite of the reason I get to do what I do, I really enjoy it because I like to see the transformation that's taking place for other people, people that think that they are drowning in their grief and hearing my story. Uh, it's like a life jacket. Oh, I can make it to the shore, I can make it to the other side. Um, and that's what I've heard from other persons that I've um have been one-on-one with, as well as persons who you may have been in a in a session with me, on a podcast with me, or whatever the case may be, is just figuring out how to you know move forward. And it looks different for everybody, for every situation. And then um for in the instance with Pat and others who have um several deaths taking place kind of close together. Um, each one of them are different. You're gonna manage each one of them different. So um each one has their own jar, if that makes sense. So, you know, just because and then I'll let me say this my father passed away in August last year. He was 91 years young, as he liked to think of his job. You know, my grief for him is way different from my grief for uh my son. Yeah, um, I I miss my father's presence. Um, but I know that he was ready to go. He he was he was tired, he had uh chronic kidney disease, and you know, he was tired, he was he was happy, you know, he he managed everything to the last day. And we laughed because he went to he died with his earpiece still in his ear. So like you still might get a call. But you know, for my son is still, as Pat mentioned, those those days that the the anger, the the disappointment, the guilt, the you know, would have you know, they take up more of the job than life. So um it just varies, it varies, and and it's really by choice, you know. You can choose to sit sit and and wallow, and I don't judge anybody that chooses to do that, because that's you know, I I suggest that if if that's what's happening, that you would seek some professional help. Um, but then you can choose to move forward. It's gonna be with you, you know, the the thoughts, however it is. And I guess the main thing is to be okay with how you're feeling on any particular day or any given day. Uh sometimes it's pieces of the day, you know. Um Mother's Day was recently, was recent to our conversation. And I was good. I know people were watching me, particularly at church, they were watching me. I was good, I really was good. It was a great day. Um, my husband and I went to get something to eat at the end of the day. And but that night when I laid my head on my pillow, the tears came because one of the things that my son and I enjoyed doing was we call them adventures. It may have been going to a bookstore, it may have been going to get a coffee or a tea. Um, whatever it was, we call them adventures. And there are some things that I have on my heart that I want to do, and they came to mind. I was like, favorite man child would do this with me. He would do this. So, you know, I was sad about that, but so just be okay with how you're feeling. I say to your audience, I say to each one of you ladies, be okay with how you're feeling at any particular day. If it's tears, let the tears come. You know, if it's uh

Be Okay With Today Closing

SPEAKER_02 41:58

what what did I miss? Why, you know, just be okay with that. Be okay with that.

SPEAKER_03 42:04

So I mean, Len, we have to bring you back. We have to bring you back. This is so good. And when we come back, we're gonna go into what happens when grief goes under undressed.

SPEAKER_04 42:19

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_03 42:20

What happens when we go unaddressed? Because this is this is a conversation that a lot of us need, and like we spoke before, uh, our entrepreneurs out there. Sometimes it's got hard to go through business with all that you're carrying uh from a day-to-day life. So, Len, we thank you. We thank you so much. We are going to have you back, God's will. This is a conversation that must be continued. Thank you uh to Pat, my co-host, for coming on and joining us. I know we both was getting some therapy today. I know, I know it's getting some therapy. I should I say it, I learned the difference between LOST and LOSS. So look, B3U audience, I hope that you have enjoyed this segment. We will be back with Miss Lynn Lewis, and we'll see you next time on the other side. Stay tuned for more B3UC and what we are going to leave behind. We are taking our power back. See you soon.

SPEAKER_00 43:22

Some fires destroy you, others rebuild you. From trauma to triumph, your pain can become your purpose. Let's become unstoppable.