"More women, right?" Faryn Pearl, Female Director, Story Artist, Cartoonist, Nice Guy

We start with a very fun intro by Olivia and Ari in which we discuss last episode’s spiritual practice (Josh Brown’s artist dates) as well as crows (be nice to them) and Magick (we love Magick).

Our guest, hilarious and delightful human Faryn Pearl, gets vulnerable about how her first enormous directing opportunity drove her into her darkest days, the pressure of being a female director in a very male-dominated world, and opens up about her trying to figure out her own spirituality.

Follow Faryn for hilarious comics and more @farynheit13

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Email us with all your thoughts at spodapod.contact@gmail.com

Stay sane and live well!

xo,

us

Beautiful music by: Doug Harvey

Transcript

0:11

hello Bonies. How you doing? Very resonant today. Little vibrato. A little vibrato. Um, hi spies. What's up girls? What's up? Welcome to Spiritual Practices of the Disgruntled Artist, where we interview a new artist each week to learn how they are keeping themselves sane and spiritually healthy during this epically challenging time. To be an artist and especially, it's, it's, it's both those. Yeah. Um, yes. Welcome. And, uh, each episode we begin by, talking about the spiritual practice that we took from the last episode. Mm-hmm. At the end of the episode, we have the guest talk about their spiritual practices, and then me and Olivia take one of their spiritual practices and we do it for two weeks. We take it, it's all ours. We take it, we, we, I stole a baby. Um, so last was, yeah, Josh. Mm-hmm. Josh Brown. Josh Brown, coolest man in the whole damn town. Improv town. Josh Brown, very old timey name, brown. I could picture him with a cigarette. Yeah. Yeah, so his practice was. Two artist dates. Mm-hmm. Which is from the artist's way, which he's a big proponent of. Yes. And so we had to do two artist dates. Yeah. One each week. And what an artist date is for those. Oh yeah. Good idea. Who don't know is like. Basically you take yourself, it's gotta be a solo activity. Mm-hmm. That is like, if you do it right, if you do it right, you're ideally, uh, and it can be just whatever, uh, nourishes the creative side of you and I Good way of doing that's, yeah. So like I, and I know some people like. You know, cook a really nice meal for themselves or they go out to the museum or you know, there's a whole, I don't know. I think you get to decide what constitutes Yeah. As artist practice. That's how I interpreted. That's good. That's so I did it. You do Olivia. Okay. So I feel like I did one and a half practices. Oh, okay. Me too. Great. Great. Um, so for me, the first one I did is I saw my, uh, friend, uh, Marissa Fennell. She does this show. Everything's a joke. I said what it's called. Yeah. Yeah. She's a comedian and she does one woman show. And she was in, during the run of June is when she was doing it. And I couldn't,'cause it was every performance coincided with when I was doing what to do. Mm-hmm. And so, uh, it was great because for both my solo dates or for artist dates, they happened to happen when Grants away. Oh. So they made it kind of nice in that sense, you know, like I was already alone. So I took myself out to dinner and I went, oh, you to the show? What'd you have for dinner? I went, I'm forgetting the name of a place. It's like the ta, it's a taco place. Oh, okay. It's a chain in la Best fish taco. It's unfortunately not the best fish taco. That's okay. I'm off fish because the ocean is like. Not doing great. Oh, I'm not fish because I don't like fish. Oh, okay. So forever. Um, okay, so you got tacos and you went see the show. Yeah, but, but the reason I say it's like an artist day in a half is when I got there, uh, I saw one of my friends I haven't seen in a long time, so we ended up chatting the entire What were you, entire time. And so it, I, I was like, oh, they had the intention of like going to the show and, and experiencing that, but then it being way more social, too popular. It, I, what can you do? It's a bird and I have to bear, oh God. What were you supposed to be like? Don't talk to me. No, by the way, I'm on my artist date. Know. Gonna be in display. Uh, you know what's funny is I did go annoying'cause I hadn't seen, like my friend who's doing the show and her husband was also in the show, you know? So like, I didn't get to see, I haven't seen them in a long time. So I knew I was gonna be social in some aspect, but I was like, oh, this was maybe not quite it. Mm-hmm. I still, I still think it's part of it. Like going out to show is like I would consider for myself. In artist state, um, and then literally this morning. Yeah. Gotta get that homework in before Cute girls. I can't read a, Hey, I did it though. Hey, you did. Um, I went to the ugly mug. Yeah, I took, it's a coffee shop. I've never been there. Love that name. And. Super cute place. Oh, um, it's, I don't need to plug it'cause it's super popular. Yeah. Uh, grant's been there multiple times and this morning I was like, where should I go? And I was like, oh, perfect. And I ideally wanted a place where I can sit and draw. Um, because I used to draw a lot and I think that's one thing I learned about this artist day is my, when I was like thinking of things I wanted to do. Mm-hmm. A lot of them involved. Like, I wanna like. Paint I wanna draw. Oh, I wanted to do those type types of mediums. Oh, interesting. Yes. And so I was like, oh, that's nice to know, like, and I, so I kind of went and I just literally sat there and just like, just sketched. And I allowed it to be like, I don't care if it's good or bad, I'm just sitting here. I put in my music, I got a croissant, I got a really good cold brew. Mm. With banana foam cold foam. Uh, it was amazing. What? That sounds insane. I love that. It's so good. I It's still here. It's still here. It's here. It's still funny. I make coffee. I make coffees last. Two days. You do. You It's too long. It's too long. Some people hate it. It's too much. You gotta, I dunno what it's, I'm, I'm, oh, that's, um, but that was really lovely and I think that's what I took out of this is like, oh. I think there's this, like, for me it felt like romanticizing my life a little bit. Yes. Like, and I think that's ultimately what I would say is what you were trying to get to is like, what are these little things you could do? And I think by yourself is important.'cause then you could mm-hmm. Just focus on whatever that is. Um, and yeah, and I found myself like, oh, I wanna like draw. It's been a long time. I used to draw. All the time. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I remember you would paint a lot Yes. In our improv days. Yeah. That sounds great. So, yeah. Yeah. Um, how about, how about you? So, I went to a meditation class. Okay. What it, I mean, look like it's not, again, it's like not exactly right.'cause it was like after my yoga class. But I did intentionally say, okay, I'm also gonna stay for this meditation class. Okay. After my yoga class I did and didn't know anybody there. And, um, and it was good. It was a lot of like mudras, like meaning hand. Oh yeah. Like signals. Yeah. Yep. And a lot of like chanting. Okay. And then like at the very end there was a meditation, which I actually did sleep in, slip into a very deep meditation at the end. But it was a very, it was like maybe 10 minute meditation. I was like, where's the meditating as meditation. But also I was like. Maybe we needed to do all that stuff to get into a deep meditation. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So it was interesting. I mean, I think, like, I think in a way I didn't totally do it. Um, I, I think I'm gonna redo it because for me, I'm like, that yoga studio I'm very familiar with, I go there all the time, you know what I mean? It's like, yeah, I did a new thing, but like it is at a place that I know. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was like, kind of like half pass, half fail. And the other one was like, probably more fail than pass because I took the kids yesterday to get a bunch of art stuff so we could paint, like we went to the dollar store Oh, fun. And we got like witches and I got this house. This, like, it looks like the frame of a house in wood, but the inside is a whiteboard. So I painted the house and then inside I've been writing all my manifestations for my future home. I love that. So that great for your future that like a house. So we love that. And if I was by myself, I think that that would really count. But I wasn't, I was with two toddlers. So you got kids? Yeah. You got kids, guys. I dunno if you guys know this, but you got kids. Did you know? Did you know? Did you know? And that makes sense. I think that that's, I would count that. And they weren't yelling at me. I was like, this is really like. Oh yeah. Like I'm, I, I saw the beauty of the artist state again. Mm-hmm. So, and I wanna do it more. I also really wanted to go get a new lipstick because I'm gonna a really, like, okay, that's your, I'm, I'm, I'm assigning that your next, but wait, but wait. Oh. But then I realized I don't need a new lipstick because I was, I wanna pink lipstick, but then I was like, oh, but I have this thing that's kind of like exactly. Kind of the color that I was thinking. So I don't need, I don't quite need that, you know? I mean, that's why I didn't do that. I wanna like, go to the beach by myself or like go for a hike. Okay. I mean, I, I go for walks a lot. I have a lot of, I do this a lot, but not in this special artist state way. Yes. Which I think is important. It's mentality. It's mentality. Okay. I think it's, yeah, there's something about being like, I'm living the best version of my life. Like there is something very empowering about being like, I'm doing this for me, only for me, and like. I'm great. I'm awesome. Wow. I'm pretty fantastic. Yeah. Uh, I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I definitely would do these again. Yeah. I, I, I, it's a good idea. When I did do the artist's way, I remember these being. One of my favorite parts. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh yeah. Artist way. So I am happy even, and I also think too, it's like I'm very social, you know? Yes. We got family, we got, you know, so I think that's, and I think that's part of it, is like, you gotta make time for yourself. Yeah. And it's like, well, sometimes. Depending on the weeks, it's hard. Yeah. Harder than other ones. So I also think that I'm in a phase now where like if the option is rest and recuperate or do anything, like I just have such a limited time mm-hmm. That I now have learned to choose rest and recuperate because I think it's been a process like since we had eor. Like once, three months after I had LA where I was doing Muay Hai, like I was like, I'm doing Muay Hai. I wanna get my body back and I wanna like learn the skill. And Muay Hai class was like two times a week, eight 30 to 9 45, which is a night, right? Which, insane. Yeah. Yeah. I do remember this. Which is insane for people who have, I mean, maybe for anybody, but if you have two small kids and you're breastfeeding. That's an insane choice to make where you're like, two days a week. Okay. Two days a week. I'm not even getting into bed until midnight and then I have to wake up at two o'clock in the morning to feed that child and then everybody wakes up at six 30. Like, what a crazy person thing that I did. Yeah. And also it did not get my body back to the way I, I have not been able to get my body back until I prioritize and rest. Oh, interesting. Once, but your probably your mentality like, oh, I wanna get my body back. I gotta work out. Yeah. Once I was like, okay. No, it's actually. Sleep and it's like, I mean, I eat really healthily, but like in taking the time to like make a plate of lovely vegetables, peppers and carrots and like tomatoes and I put some lemon juice and a like nice salt on it and stuff like, and that and sleep. Yeah, it has, finally my body is back to a place where I feel like pretty comfortable. It's not exactly the same as it was before, but like. It, it kicked in now and Ellie's two. Yeah.'cause that first year I was like just working out with the car. Right. And like not sleeping enough. You know, I think an artist date can be rest. Yes. Well, yeah. I, I get my air days once a month. You get your air days and they're lovely. And a lot of the times it's me watching TV in my room. But, but this did encourage me like the next time, because I do have a little more space in my life. Yeah. The kids are in school two days a week. The next time I have an airy day, I could go to Sephora and find something that feels a little beach or go to a coffee shop or go to the beach or, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I will do that for sure. Um, great. Did you have anything magical happen to you? You've been doing some magical stuff face-to-face Friday. Yeah. So. Uh, those who have not seen the face-to face Friday, I posted, uh, look at at, look at it. Girls this great it. Go watch it. No, basically I decided, uh, it's early October. Um, I love Halloween. I love, I love being a witch, and I've decided. No more fooling around. No, hell no. I'm gonna be a witch. Yes. So the way I've been, I was like, I'm just gonna do something every day. That makes me feel a little witchy. Yeah. And. Uh, uh, one of it was I went on a walk and I literally just like touched every plan I could and I said hi to it. Did anybody see you do this? I'm sure, um, I told you at the crow, right? How I always say hi to a crow. Okay. Well that's so funny because. My, I literally walked around with peanuts. I finally,'cause I go on walks a lot and I'm mm-hmm. And every time I see, usually there are pairs of crows. Yeah. And I want to befriend them so bad. Yes. I think the only way you gotta do is you gotta bribe'em with food. You gotta give'em a treat. And so I finally was like, okay. I'm gonna grab my peanuts. And I, I only had salted, so I washed them because I was like, I don't know if salt's good for them. I gotta look that up. Nice. But I was like, I'm just gonna give them plain of peanuts. Anyways. You wash? I went on a walk. Not a single crow. Not a single crow. And except I saw like some in a tree and I literally like dropped a peanut to see if they would see it, because I'm like, they probably already see more than they give off, right? Oh yeah, a hundred percent. And then I swear to God, as soon as I peanut hit the floor. A bunch were in the tree and they just flew off, away from me. Oh, they were scared. They were like scared. No, you should have been like, I rinsed it. I, it's not salted, I swear. Yeah. Um. But it's just stuff like that was, was, what's your crow thing? Okay. Okay. So I parked my car. We had a crow that was hanging out in our parking, I wanna say parking garage, but it's more like parking gate. You already have a crow friend? No, because I didn't know that crow. I, I, I wasn't mean to the crow to be fair. Okay. But I have, I had the kids in the car and the crow was on top of the car next to us a, an enormous crow. Are you sure? Was it a raven? Maybe it was right. It was a fricking huge. Yeah. To the point where I was like, I am concerned with my children in this crow. So I didn't chew it, thank God, because I think they follow you. This is what Philip told me is like if you're mean to a crow, they have like face recognize they can recognize you. Yeah. Yes. That they will remember and they'll poop on your car and tell their friends to poop in your car and like hurt you and stuff. So anyway, I didn't do that, that car, but I was just. Poop on it. Poop on it. So anyway, I, I shoved the kids out and I was just like, don't look at the crow. Don't look at the bird. Don't the bird. But then Phil told me, you gotta be nice to crows. Yes. So the next morning that crow, who was, who was hanging out mm-hmm. No longer hanging out with us, but was, I saw him and I was walking to my car. So I said, hello, good morning. And my neighbor walked around the room. And he was like, hello? Because it's clear I wasn't talking to him. Right? Oh my gosh. So I was like, yeah, hello, hello. Okay. So then, and then I was like, I'm so afraid of being hunted by the crows that even though the neighbor was then there, I had to open the gate and it makes a really loud sound. And I said to the crow. I'm really sorry. This is gonna make a loud sound to the crow with the person there watching me now. Oh my gosh. Talking this crow. But I was like, you know what? If the choices are, let my neighbor think I'm insane, or have this crow follow me around and tell all of its friends to poop on my car. I'm gonna, I'm gonna have to go. I'm gonna have to. Yeah. I think he made the right decision. I think I did too. And the crow left. But I, I'm, every time I see a colonel, I say, hi, how are you? See, this is what I need. I want a crow friend. And I think I could do it. I just gotta find it and give'em peanuts. I, I, I approached a woman in my neighborhood who I witnessed two crows following her. Oh. And I was like, ma'am, do you know that these birds are following you? And she's like, yeah, yeah. I fed them the other day and I was like. Damnit so you so jealous. I wouldn't wanna be followed around. I want to bring treats. I do wanna be followed. You do. I do. I want them, I want that connection with them. Okay. I would be interested if they brought me treats.'cause that they do. Yeah, but that, did they bring that lady treats or they were just following her around? They don't follow around, but she, this was new. It's a new relationship. Okay. You can't just expect treats from a crow immediately. Okay. You gotta build it up. Okay. I'm invested in the storyline, so thanks for sharing this. So that's, it is magical. I'm just saying, I've been feeling myself more magical. I've been like, every time when the wind is, and I was just like, yes, I'm powerful. I don't know nothing's happened yet, but I, I'm just like, I'm just allowing myself to indulge really. Really indulge this Halloween season because it is the season to get all spooky and I wanna be spooky. I love that. So I did have, so my sign from the universe is Blue Birds, which I chose because it's pretty rare in California. And the past two walks that I've been on, I've seen, first I saw like two blue birds, and then the next walk I saw like four of them. And I was like, whoa. And then I was, I was actually voice Memoing Harriet, friend of the pod and I was like, hi, Harriet. Wait. I mean, this is in her voicemail. I was like, wait, wait, are they blue? And I was like, shh. Like do, and I walked, I looked at em, I was like, oh my God, they're blue birds. So then I was like, what am I thinking about right now?'cause that my, my wish is. Give me those birds when I'm like on the right path. Okay. Okay. So anyway, I don't know. So she don't, the boob words were like, you should talk to Harry. Yeah, I know, I know. I was like, but um, I love that. Yeah. So that, had that happen. And then I also had this thing happen where saw a TikTok video, not just seeing like that person and, oh, see, I always forget what they, what they say to say. She was like, oh, here we go. I am simply deciding. This is what This Okay. Girl on the internet told me to, okay. As like a manifestation thing? Yes. Okay. As a manifestation thing. She said, say it out loud three times in a row. I am simply deciding that X, Y, z. Oh, okay. And say it like casually. Mm-hmm. Like this. You're just deciding that this is gonna happen. I'm simply deciding I'm gonna have a crow friend. Okay, great. I'm simply deciding I'm gonna have a crow friend. Okay. But we need a time. No, no. This is good. So we need, so when, like, when will you meet the crow friend? I'm simply deciding I'm gonna have a crow friend. By the end of the month. Okay. Okay. Let's say it two more times. Okay. I'm simply deciding I'm gonna have a crow friend at the end of the month. I'm simply deciding I'm gonna have a crow friend at the end of the month. I'm simply deciding I'm gonna have a crow friend by October 31st. Yeah, that's right. Okay, great. Thank you. Let's see what happens. So this is what happened for me. I said I'm simply deciding that my agent. Insert name here, okay? Okay. Insert agent. Yes, insert agent name. Here. Will send me an email tomorrow saying that there's an offer for a role. Okay? That's what I said three times now. The next day though, that didn't happen. Exactly. The next day I got an email that I got a call back. Okay. For a different project, not from my agent, but from that project directly. Okay. And the day after that, I got an email from my agent that I have an audition for a part. So that is not exactly the same, but that is pretty close. Yeah. And I think especially after it being like a fairly dry, dry season for me. That's pretty magical. Yeah, I'd say so. You know, I'd say so. I think, I think it's this collective consciousness that you're like tapping in and I think if they're, the resources are available mm-hmm. It will come your way, I think, if quicker, maybe. Yeah. I do like the, the phrasing I'm simply deciding like, right, let me, let me help you out, universe, let me, let me frame it in a way. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Ooh. So that was magic. All right. I'll know That's a great, that's phrase I'm gonna tape, I'm gonna tape in the tape today in an hour. Oh, okay. Yeah. And so I'm gonna do something really creative with it, which I'm excited about. I'm excited about just the process of taping it in a creative way because girls, we don't know what's going on on there. Nope. That, that's perfect. So you might as well, might as well, might as well make yourself tickle yourself. Yeah. Tickle you. Just. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Yeah. Let's take harness that energy. Yeah. Tickle ourselves. Yeah. Maybe every, but it doesn't work for every day. But if it does, if you can tickle yourself. But you were, I think you were following your intuition, you're feeling following your gut. Yes, definitely. And that is, I am. You're making it. You're doing it for yourself. Yeah. Maybe that's what the bluebirds mean.'cause I do feel very, I think just because I'm in, like this is my year of surrender. Mm-hmm. If you tell me to do something, I do it. I've just been emailing people that organizations, yeah, like I, yeah, it's been like, come to me. I will put it out. Come to me, I'll put it out. It's a circle. I'm a vessel. I'm a vessel. I don't know what the hell is going on. So I love that. Yeah. Okay. Well, we got a great episode for you. Heck yeah. We do. Faryn, who is the future wife? Mm-hmm. Like in a couple weeks, maybe by this time, the wife of Josh. Whoa. Josh Brown, coolest man in the whole, the coolest man town. Enjoy this episode. Yes, enjoy. Ladies and gentlemen, people of the world And, hello? Oh, how is everyone doing? You can laugh. I like, I can laugh. Okay. We have a great guest for you and I just wanna say, not only is this the first director we've ever had on, she is a female director. Men, we should not have to make this distinction, but like, it's so stacked against you. Do you know, wait, am I allowed to talk yet? Yeah. Okay. Yes, I agree. I, well, I agree. It's, it's, it shouldn't have to be a distinction, but like, it is, it's like, it's, that's the reality. It is a badge of honor. You went through the battle grounds and you've survived. That's how the phrase, oh boy. Oh boy. It's all downhill from here. This is the top. Thank you. Okay, so, so this is Faryn Pearl. Yeah. She's a story artist and director and a nice guy. And a nice guy. We asked her to describe herself, but she said, what a nice guy, which we love that. Yeah. Love that. You are a nice guy. You are Joy. Thank you guys. You are, you are. You guys are nice guys. Thank you. Well, let me actually, let me see. Let's see how this goes. Um, thank you for being here. Oh my God. Thank you for having me. Should we say that she's the wife of our last guest? Yes. Not yet. Not yet. Or wait, when does this come out? Maybe I will be, oh yeah, you'll be after. We're like, like 27 days in counting. But who's counting? You know. Yeah. I, we should have done the math. I'm not sure. I think so soon to be. Or just recently. Oh wow.'cause I called you her. Oh.'cause I said wife. Yeah. You know, I was Okay. Yeah, yeah. No, we we're getting married and October, so I'm like Schrodinger's wife right now to the podcast. You know? You think, we don't know. Are any nerves at all about it? You know what's so funny is wedding planning has been this like whole thing. Like it's, it's magnified all these issues that probably needed to be addressed and like, it's so many little decisions, which gets really overwhelming. Yeah. But of all the parts of it, the part I'm not, I hope he hears this. Josh, if you're listening, take this in. The only, the only part I'm not nervous about is marrying Josh. Oh. Which so nice. So. Yeah, that was really sweet. Yeah. Did you hear that Josh? Josh? Should we repeat that? We're talking to you. I remember there's a picture of me with my head in a long lunchbox when I was trying to do wedding planning. So I like, so didn't wanna do it and I was just like, uh, napkin colors. Like, I was like such a bee about it. And then I was at the wedding and I was like, I love this. This is great. That's what we keep hearing. Yeah. I'm like, okay, just get through it. Like, even though, man, I am so surprised by how strong my opinions are on every aspect of it. Oh yeah. A little bit. Because you kind of get like, it's like kind of warped where you're like, these are the napkin holders. Or like, these are like literally, um, poor, like poor Josh is something you might hear a lot if we, if I'm talking about my relationship a lot. But, um, poor Josh like, like came up with all these great like cocktail names to, because we get to have like little specialty cocktails. Oh yeah. Love that. And I was like. I can't think about this now. I have to spend time. I have to find the time where I could fully devote myself and it took like literally like 10 minutes to be like, yeah, these are good. These are great. These are funny and sweet. That's funny. Yeah, I love that. What's your favorite cocktail name? Oh, okay. Gabby is a surprise. For, for when we get there. But, uh, actually the one that I wish we could have used, but it just, it really like, like justice wise, like didn't fit, is my favorite drink is a strawberry refresher from Starbucks. Oh, really? And what? Yeah. Oh, I love, oh, I love refreshers. I love refreshers so much. Um, but there was a whole time where I was trying to make them on my own because I'm like, I can't keep paying money for this every day. Like, I gotta learn the recipe. Um, but it is, I call that Mama's juice, uh, because it's juice for Mama. And, uh, we are gonna call it, oh, we do another cocktail, uh, mama's Juice, because I say it's so much, but it just wouldn't, it wouldn't be right. It's not what it's called. It's not nice to the conglomeration of Starbucks. Um, okay. We will get into this later. Sure. But we started to also ask people like, yes. How do you classify yourself spiritually? Yeah. This is Okay. I've listened to, uh, a bunch of episodes and this has really been hard for me because I think I've always thought about myself in terms of religion, but not necessarily spirituality. Oh, okay. Which is really, like, I was this, listening to your podcast was the first time where I was like, whoa, am I spiritual at all? Mm. And I think I'm like in the process of figuring that out. Okay. Love that. You know, I think, um, I was talking, again talking to Josh who's gonna be rec, um, rep a lot in this episode, um, about, uh, religion. And like for me, religion is, is something that's pretty core to me, not in the sense of being a religious practicer. Mm-hmm. But in that, like, I grew up Jewish and I feel like there's so much. That's such a big part of my identity culturally. Mm-hmm. Yes. Um, but he was one who brought up, I might be agnostic, which was a word I had to look up and look at Google images because it's more fun. It's easy, it's easier for, for my little brain. And, um, I might be agnostic maybe. Um, what more the Google images? Yeah. What would, there was one literally looking up the story because I was like, oh yeah, wait, am I agnostic? I should know that before the SPODA. Um, and there was one where like Goku. Was on it. And he's like, um, ag Gnostic theist, which means someone who's 100% certain that God exists. Okay. But I'm like, why Goku? Um, but maybe Who's Goku? Oh, Goku from, um, dragon Ballsy. Okay. That's what I thought. So all Foursquares was like, uh, I didn't recognize most of'em, but, uh, were an, or were like anime guys. Oh, okay. And there was something where I'm like, this, this is probably really thought out. I'm probably, I'm probably not the audience, but it was fun to be like, what's my religion? And be like, what, what? Well, what's Ash from Pokemon? It's kind of as good a barometer as any, right? Yeah, exactly. Um, yeah. But spirituality, it's something that I think I'm trying to discover. Maybe you guys could help. I don't know. We love that. We love that. I love this task. But culturally brought up Jewish. Yeah. Brought up Jewish, yeah. And culture. Both sides. And definitely it's like part of my, it's definitely like an important part of my, like culture. I think if you asked me what my culture is, it's Jewish culture. Mm-hmm. You know, so I really, I, I really appreciate that, you know. But it's interesting like thinking about spirituality with, especially with creativity, which is the whole thesis of your podcast. Yeah. I love that. Okay. I already have questions about that. Yeah. But why don't we do our cards or breaths? Yes. Oh yeah. So it's three breaths or a card, or both? I think three breaths might be, let's do that. Really good. I'm, yeah. Okay. Okay. You ready? You wanna lead us, Olivia? Yeah. My nasal. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. What a, what a torture. Sorry. I did take a meditation class last night and um, because my nose is always a little bit stuffed up, I was like, I'm breathing so loud. Like, it was like you would breathe in and then you would have to like close one nostril breathe outta your lap. Oh, yeah. And everyone silent that and I'm just like, um, sorry. That also reminded me this is a little tidbit. Uh, whenever. Okay. So someone, I think it was like a yoga class or something where Yeah. We did, like, we blocked out one nostril. Yeah. And you breathe through one thing and someone told me like, if you breathe through your left, it's going through like directly your brain, the sun or something. Okay. Oh, oh, no. Oh, wait, he said the sun on the moon. Okay. Oh, okay. Well, I was thinking it's going to, it was like you, if you were breathe out your, you're breathing through your right, it was going to the left side of your brain. If you're breathing through your. Left. It's going through your right side of your brain or something like that. Oh. So I would like breathe through my left right before like a seat or something to like give air to my right side of the brain. I have no idea if that's legit or like flipping the Yeah. The airways or whatever. But I would do that. That would be like a, I'm creative now. I love that. Wow. I love it. Okay. Okay. So good. I love, that's likes, like, I hope that's like a smr, you know? Yeah. It might be. I always it in because I feel like when you're listening to it, you have to take breaths when Yeah. Just having a moment of silence. Yeah. Please breathe. My voice is like lower now too. Yeah. It's wonderful. Yeah. Yes. We notice it kind of like brings us Yeah. Back down to the floor, which we're sitting on. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Have a floor. Um, okay. Great. Okay, great. So, so you were raised Jewish. Was it conservative, like orthodox? Uh, I went to a conservative temple, but I think we were more on the reform side. Okay. It's kind of like a mix, you know? Okay. Yeah. Mm-hmm. But like you didn't do Christmas erase Easter? No, actually there was. One year that we really kind of insisted on doing. We were so jealous of Christmas. I know. I, that's gotta be hard. I, yeah. I mean, Easter is so secular that it's like my parents would be like, whatever, like they kept chocolate or doing Easter egg hunt. Yeah. But, uh, Christmas, like we, one year we put stockings up and like, even like me as a kid, we did it and like my parents acquiesced and we were like, Hmm, this was wrong. Really? This was this. We shouldn't have done this wrong. Wow. Yeah. How old were you? I had to be like, I think we did actually like, okay, so that sounds like I really had a good sense of like my religion. Uh, I think we probably did at least two or three times and probably by the third one I was like, well, this probably doesn't, we're probably not supposed to do this one. Mm. Because we just wanted more like toys. Yeah. You know, or like toothbrushes or oranges I think is what's in there. So did you feel like it was because of God that you shouldn't have done it? Or like you just felt like it didn't feel right to your family or something? Yeah, I think it was like, first it was this materialist part of Right, who was like, I, you know, like, the other kids get to do this, this is great. They seem to get a lot of different means of presence, um, you know, a lot of different avenues of toys. And, um, then when we did it, I think there was probably a part of me that was like, as a Jew, like I've had this thought a couple times, like as a Jewish person. Like there's something that, that, it's funny'cause I'm not religious, like I haven't practiced in years, but I think there's still a part of me that's like, oh, like that's still who I am. Yeah. You know? So like, um, I think this could be on the record, like one time I talked to, um, a studio about a project that ended up getting canceled and they actually offered me to direct, which was like the first time anyone's ever did that. And it was for a movie called Tropical Santa. Okay. And I, uh, I like, I was like. I don't think my first movie could be Tropical Santa. Mm. I was like, this is so weird. I think this would, like, I, I don't, I love a Christmas movie, but there was part of me that was like, I don't know, for my first, I don't know. That doesn't feel like consistent, you know? Wow. Yeah. That's really interesting. Yeah. It's a really interesting thing. I really, I really hold my Jewish identity very dear. Yeah. You know, because, yeah. Let, let me ask you this,'cause I, so I was raised, my parents are both Jewish. Mm-hmm. But I wasn't really raised in any sort of religion and I wouldn't call myself Jewish, like per se. Like I don't think that my spirituality, religion is like necessarily Jewish. However, I do still feel a tie to it. Yeah. When we talked, when we had Jake on, I'm like, did they tell it? Like, why do we all feel this way? Like, you know what I mean? Like about Judaism? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Why is it like, no matter how Jewish in quotes you are or not every person who is Jewish at all feels like some, I don't know, like sort of tenderness to it or like there is something Yeah. To pride. You like, I think, I think there's like this, like for me there was, there's this feeling of like, trauma bonding. Yeah. You know, I think the Jewish people have been trauma bonded because there were so many, like, you know one of the biggest holidays Passover, which is like about the Jews being enslaved. Right. Or like, um, my grandfather's a Holocaust survivor and Wow. Like, there's definitely a feeling of like, he's on, he's my maternal grandfather and my maternal grandmother came over because of the pogroms. Um, and it's like, there's definitely a part where it's like, this is what we have left, you know? I think maybe that's it. And there's a sense of like, carry this and it's funny because like Josh and I are having splashes of Judaism in our wedding and I was gonna ask Yeah. Like, we're not, it's not fully religious. Again, I haven't been to Temple really in, uh, years and years. I can't remember the last time. But, um, there was something where like we went to a wedding where they did prayers over the, like the bread and wine, which is what you do before you eat. And it struck as like, oh, I'd really like that. Like that makes me feel like I'm connected to my family and like the family before that, you know? Yeah. I wonder if part of it is because of all the religions, it does feel like you can be culturally Jewish and, and also agnostic or spiritual or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I don't think that Catholic, I mean, I don't know, I could be wrong, but it doesn't seem like there's many Catholic people who are like, I'm culturally Catholic. Like, what does that even mean? Drink a lot. I think you're on, I think that makes sense. Yeah. Because I think if you're Catholic, it means you're religious. Right? Right. Like that's how Yeah. Kind of anything. Right? Like if you, if you are study Hinduism, then you are religious. Yeah. Even if you're a Buddhist, you're, that's, yeah. Yeah. It's, yeah. And then, but yesterday I went to Cantor's Deli which is like Jewish deli, which first off awesome. A, a great lunch sponsor. Us sponsor Cantor is, um, I didn't get the room and I regretted it. Um, but if that is like Jewish food, but I think when you eat it, you're not like, oh, like religion and you're just like a matza ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're right. I think you're spot on. I think it's like Judaism is one of the ones where you, it. Yeah. It can be seen as a culture removed from the religious practices. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I think there's a lot of people, probably, especially in Hollywood, or if I were Holly, weird, you know? Yeah. You feel that way. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you, did you start as a story artist and then transition to being a director? Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah, and I don't even know if transition's the right word. I think it was like picked to be a director a little bit, um, for Tropical Santa Pro. Tropical Santa, um, uh, yeah, no, I, um, it's kind of that thing of being the. In the right place at the right time and being the right person for the job is kind of what happened. You love this. Like, I try to add that third part, even though I think it's probably implicit. Is this for Ruby Gilman? For Ruby Gilman? Yeah. Because, uh, yeah, I think I'm on, I'm trying to stay on the path. I know Jeff was talking about this in his, uh, stay on the path of giving myself a little more credit. Mm-hmm. Um, but yeah, I started as a story artist. I love storyboarding. I know you guys have had, have you had any story artists on? No. Oh wow. We got two in one. Whoa. Uh, I love storyboarding because I always love comics and like cartoon and it felt like, oh wow, this is the way that I can, like, what I love about comics is, for me it felt like the, the best form of expression because you get to kind of bring the writing and the nuance along with like, really the expressions and how you feel and together it feels like such a vivid way to show what you're feeling. Yeah. Can this insert real quick? Yeah. One of my favorite things is when you do post. She'll post every now and then. Yeah. You're like comics of yourself. Yes. And what's going on with your life? Yes. What I want must follow. And it, it makes me feel like a part of your life, but also it's just, it's such a delight to see those. Thank you. Anyways, I love, I miss doing them. I, um, it's so funny, I went to my college reunion and I saw a lot of people I haven't seen in college, and they all knew so much about my life because s they were like, man, so you got new earrings? And I'd be like, whatcha talking? That's funny. I love, like Allie Broshe. I love Allie. Yes. Hyperbole and a Half it's one of my, have you ever read that? Yep. Oh my God. Yeah. It's like a book in comics, basically. It's Oh, so she, yeah, it's like a know she, that's a really cool format that she does too. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I haven't, I love her here just to get, oh my God, these are so good. Thank you. What? Oh boy. So, yeah. So I just, I just love Oh my, I love these. Thank you. Uh, I'm trying to find the right line with them because I mean, this talks about spiritu spirituality in the creative process. Like, I think for a while, like the joke was look how like Silly Farran is, and I think that still is generally the joke, but I was like, I'm trying to like become a less self degrading person. Okay. So like, because of that, that kind of has tripped up a lot of my punchlines than I normally go to. Yeah. You know? Interesting. Oh yeah. That's a big part of comedy, I feel like. Yeah. Is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a lot of these comics are just like, I'm talking to, uh, a straw man who I've made up who looks vaguely like one of my friends, but it's not them Uhhuh. And they're like, Faryn, what do you think of of, um, hot chocolate? I'm like, the hot chocolate I spilled on my face. Wha And that's the joke. And I think there's been like a little bit of like trying to find like, what are other kinds of jokes If I'm not, if the joke isn't look at, look at how stupid I am. A little bit. Ooh. Yeah. It's, that's interesting. Yeah. It's been like a little bit of that and also like finding the fun in them again, because I think for a while it was like, oh, I'm like, the ones I thought were good, the were the ones that did well. And I like, I have more fun when it, or I think real creativity is making yourself laugh or enjoying it yourself. And I think that's the, the issue with social media is I love that I could like share them with people. Yeah. Because I always like making something for an audience. Yeah. I mean, as actors, I'm sure you get that, like Yeah, that's part of the elation of it. Um, but also, uh, definitely I lost the, what I found was fun and so it's like two'cause trying to, to like cater to the audience. Yeah. So like what they would like, it's pretty hard not to with the likes, you know, where you're like, oh, this comic only got like 30 likes and this one got a hundred. That one's better and that might not be true. When I was drawing it, I might have been just as excited about this other one, you know? Oh yeah. Yeah. It's so true. And, and also the taste of people is like so messed up. We've talked about that because of all the, like the reels, you know, like, oh yeah, it's so true. And like what people are watching it into, it's like, well, then you're not gonna like my dumb, you know, sketches about. License plates because that's not good. You're, if you're gonna like, like a Yeah. Kind of sexualized romance about a rich man, you're not gonna like, you know what I mean? That you're not gonna like Yeah. My like dumb comedy stuff. But it's ho I, I, I also do find it so hard. Like, I, I will post things that just feel like organic to me. Mm-hmm. And then it, it, it is very hard not to get disappointed when like, it does kind of nothing crush, because when it brought you so much joy in the moment, right. And you like share it and you're like, but, but like, why does it matter? It shouldn't, why it matters. I don't know why it matters. No, it, because they kind of gamified it, right? Like, it's like there's a kind of like, if you do better, you, that one won a little bit bit. Like that's the winter one. Um, and it's, yeah, like, as he said, like, I'm aware of it and like, I'm trying to still like find, like find the fun and then separate it from how people like it. But yeah, we, it's like, it's really tough. It's really tough because I think it's so tied to the thing of like. 100 people likes this. That's amazing. You know, or like 30 people like that shit. What a stupid idea. And it's like, you don't want like to, you kind of want to enjoy. I love the part that like, people conceed and I can make people laugh. Mm-hmm. Right? Like, and, um, I wanna not have that part contaminate the process, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So are, is there an end to the comics? Like, do you want to be pursuing, would you be interested in making a book like out or, oh, you know what's fine? Is it really just for you? The comics I'm posting online right now are really just for me. Mm-hmm. Um, I think I haven't been mindful enough about formatting to put them in a book. Um, I would love to make a, like a comic book one day. Yeah. That, that's definitely on the bucket list. Maybe about. Probably I would love it to be not about me. Yeah. But around about like original characters or a story that you could fall into. But, um, it's funny how in my, I've always drawn comics about myself, like since I was a kid, and I think it's, oh really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I, um, because I think I loved read, I loved reading like Sunday comics in the paper. Like we would all read the comics at, um, breakfast and uh, like I loved Kathy and stuff and I was just like, oh yeah, Kathy. Yeah. Yeah. Kathy was great and like. I, and I think there were a lot of like self insert kind of comics that I like to read or, or stories. And I think for me, like I was always so frustrated because I think I came across as a very shy kid. Mm-hmm. And I was like, I'm funny. You don't even see it. Like, I'm show you how funny I am and like the version of me that's in my comics. And it's, it's funny'cause I do have a notebook that has a couple different versions of how I drew myself over the years and it really shows my self reflection. Yeah. It's like I have it at my apartment, it's like one of my treasured items. Um, but, and I would draw on, actually I haven't drawn it in a while. Um, but what was I saying? Um, it always felt like, oh, this is how I could show my who I am, you know, before I was able to do that in person. Like, here's how, like here's how like animated I am. Here's like, here's how I feel and here's like what I'm freaking out about. And, um, yeah, it's always been like, it's been this molding form for me that I keep going back to. I think it's my diary in a way. Yeah. Oh my God, I love that. I love that so much. Yeah. Okay, so you started Soia Artistry. Yes. And then how did you become, I've never heard of the director. Yeah. What, what was it? The project that you, Ruby Gilman. Teenage Kraken. Okay. Yeah. Where is it? Can I watch it? Yeah, it's on, I don't know what it's on right now because they, they all move around Netflix, right? They all move around so much. It could be on Peacock, it could be on Tuby. Um, it could be on Hello or Howdy or whatever. Um, we'll look this up, Bob. Yeah. I actually don know where, I don't know where it is right now. Um, yeah, it was a movie. So you were a story artist, artist thing for them, and then they asked you to be the director? Or like what was that moment? What that Yeah. Um, that was a crazy story. Um, I, yeah, I was a story artist for like, uh, I started in production. Okay. Um, I worked with friends of the podcast like Jeff Delia. Yeah. Right. Um, but I was in production and I really desperately wanted to be a story artist. And then I, through a series of shenanigans, we got to be a story artist for, um, home, the Avengers of Tip O and then Trolls World Tour, which was my first feature. And that was amazing. And, um, then Big City Greens at Disney tv, which thank you for the royalties. Disney tv Yes. For actually having a channel. Um, we love it. But, um, thank you so much. Yeah. When I was, when I was on Trolls, I met this producer named Kelly Cooney. Um, and she, I, I really, I, Bixie Greens was a great show, but I was having trouble, like connecting with people there. Mm-hmm. A little bit. And, um, I came over for lunch at Reworks one day and Kelly stopped me. She's like, I have a project. That I want you on. She's like, I want you to be on this. And I was like, whoa, I barely know you. But it was like, stop. I'm trying to eat lunch with my friends. Um, I didn't know her so well, but, um, essentially when, um, the end of the sea season for Big City Greens came out and I was like, oh, there is that project that like, apparently I'm a good fit for at Dreamworks. Like, I wouldn't mind going back to, to that. So I ended up moving over to Dreamworks to work on Meet the Gilman's, was what it was called for most of its run. And what was so great about it, like right away was, it was. A comedy directed at that, at that time by, um, Paul Ttt, who's this legend for working on SpongeBob. Just a SpongeBob legend. And, um, and it was about a high school girl who felt like, who was so bendy that she could fold into herself. She was so insecure. Like I saw a lot of, I was like, that's me. Right. And that would be the, the, the pro and the con of working on it was I was like, Ruby's me, you know? Um, and I really connected to it and I really kind of fell in love with the story we were trying to tell, but it was definitely having some issues. And the director stepped down at one point and the Yeah. And, um. There. I, I was connecting so much. I really, I connected with the director. I had been promoted to head of story. Okay. Which is head of the storyboard artist, essentially. And I worked a lot with the director. Mm-hmm. And he was bringing me into like all these art meetings and these higher level like writing and story meetings. And when he stepped down, um, there was probably like a month and a half where they were trying to figure out who's gonna be the next director. Mm-hmm. And I want, wanted to be a director sometime in the future. Mm-hmm. I was like, it's probably gonna be 20 years from now. But I was like, this is a story I care about. This is a character. It's a very rare female led stu story at Dreamworks. Um, I just really cared about it and I talked to Kelly, who was the producer on the entire project, and I said, Hey, I would love to be director. Mm-hmm. And she was like, no. And uh, and that was pretty fair because directing a whole project with no experience. I would say almost impossible. Yeah. Um, but I did become, uh, she brought it up to the studio and I did become co-director. Wow. So I got to co-direct the project, which is a very strange role. It's kind of like both the right hand man and a little bit of an apprentice, but also the director at the same time. Yeah. So it's like a very hard role to navigate the boundaries of. But um, I ended up co-directing it. Wow. Um, till the very end, which was like both a wonderful experience and a really tough experience. Oh, sure. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Because like, I first as a story artist, like you are in one department and you are like, you are really the definition of an, of an artist. Like, you draw something and it's on, on a paper or on a screen, and then that goes in the movie. Like it's really one-to-one. Like, am I, if you were to talk to me about creativity back then, it would be, I would, it would be so different than what I would be talking about right now as a, like on a creativity level. I had a really hard time because on a lot of levels there were a lot of challenges. Right. Like one suddenly I was dealing with all these different departments. An animated movie is like, an assembly line where you're going from, like each shot is going to like one department after another, and there's like actually at least 15 departments. And I was just one, I had just been a, a part of one. Um, and suddenly to not only be a part of all those departments, but also apparently know enough to give notes to people who were also, most of the time the supervisors were double my age. Yeah. Uh,'cause they had been working a long time in the industry. I was so young to be in that role. Wow. Um, that was really true. What, how, how old were you?'cause I'm, I was, that was a couple years ago. Yeah. That I was 28 when I became code 28 or, yeah, 28. 28. I, I was 30 when the movie came out. Um. It was just, it was, it was kind of nutty. And, um, you know, also, yeah, there was just, there were a ton of challenges with it, but I think the unexpected one was I had kind of lost what, for my whole life I considered being an artist. Mm. You know, for like my whole life I was like, an artist is what I draw and put on the page and I can improve that and how do I connect to that creativity? And suddenly when you're directing, especially like an animated movie, you, there's a new kind of creativity like you are. You are like, you are affecting the whole thing. You're having impact on this whole movie, but you're not actually doing the art. You're not not actually an artist on the movie. And that was that hard. It was incredibly hard. It was incredibly hard for me to figure out what was my ownership, weirdly. Okay. Because some, like on trolls, I could point to a scene and be like, I did that. Right. And it was kind of true. And then on a movie it's like, well, you know, I, there's nothing specific I could like sure there were things here and there that I could point to, but suddenly it was so much more dispersed. Right. And it's this kind of weird thing of like, oh, I had to reframe how, how I was an artist. Yeah. Were you like also dealing with voice and stuff like is in animated films, is there like a director of visual and a director of voice? Or is it all kind of the same? By voice, do you mean like, uh, the actors? Yeah. Uh, no, the director is the one directing the actors as well. So I was working with like, uh, Tony Collette, Jane Fonda. Wow. Uh, Coleman Domingo, who was a sweetie pie. Um, Liza Kohi was also great. Yeah. Lana Contour Ruby. Yeah. So no, you are doing all of it and suddenly you are the one in charge. And I think what I've learned about being a director is probably the most important thing, is that people feel like they could trust you. Yeah. Like the most important thing is the actors, the the artists, the, the, the executives at the studio, they all wanna feel like they're in good hands. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So your biggest thing is to project confidence. And truthfully, I was not able to do that on Ruby K. I tried my best. I projected positivity. Um, but I, uh, but it was really hard because I wasn't confident. I wasn't really sure if I was doing well. I didn't know the parameters of what. Means you're doing like, what, what does good mean? Yeah. Right. I wasn't sure of the, you know, I wasn't, I, I constantly felt imposter syndrome in the sense of, I was like, I am too young to be doing this. There were some, you know, I, there was like one big time where someone was like, a little girl telling me what to do, and I was like, oh, yeah, and that broke it. They said that, yeah. They wrote an email and it was like, wow. Yeah. Right. They, they were like, you're like, talked to the direct, the director said, your, your little girl is telling me like, yeah, right. That was, that was the worst. No one was ever that rude except for this guy. Wow. But there was so much, and then when the movie came out, like, to be honest, I like crashed a little bit because the movie didn't do well. And at that point I had real, like, I had tied the idea of like, I am. This movie. Yeah. I'm putting all my, I, I put all my self worth. Yeah. Years. So much time, so much energy and like, truly like part of your role is to be the biggest supporter of the movie. You're the biggest cheerleader. Um, and I had done so much and the movie bumped, like the movie had a a, a bunch of story struggles in the sense of like, the big one was that it was too similar to turning Red. So we had to really flip, oh, we had to flip the story and we only really got to do a first draft of that version. So like, oh yeah. Lots of things I wanna say like so many things, I'm proud of this movie. So many moments where like, it kind of makes me like, wow, I like, that's magic. Yeah. So there was a lot of good and there was a lot of good in the process, but definitely for a year, like spiritually, I really, I had like a year and a half where I felt really lost creatively. And the first half of it was because I was like, I the movie. Quote unquote failed. So that means I failed. Yeah. Your which wasn't worth, was tied up in it. My worth was tied up because I had always seen creativity as it's a one-to-one. Mm-hmm. And suddenly there were so many different factors that made the movie, um, that the, that made the movie not do well at the box office, but I was only seeing my work. Right. Like, I only saw it through the lens I used to, which really was not as comprehensive or as whole. Yeah. And then, um, the second half of that time that crash out was like, okay, like, what next? And how do I find myself again? And I think I'm still kind of on that path a little bit. Okay. I have so many questions. Yeah. No, that's a big, that's a big honest one. Yeah. Okay. So by one-to-one mm-hmm. You mean it's because you were drawing something and it was on screen? Yeah. And okay. And then as a director, there were all of these other factors that were out of your control, but you still felt like, but I was the director and therefore it should have been amazing. Yes. I was, uh, when I say one to one, it's like as a story artist, um, it's not like exactly on screen, but like. Especially in something like Big City Greens, you could see the panel I drew, and you could see how it's animated. Yeah. And there were changes in between. And a part I didn't really realize was how much thought and how many other hands were on it. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That went on screen. But for me, I'd be like, oh, that's like how I drew the expression. That's me. Right. As a, yeah. As a director. It's not like I was still viewing. Oh. And also as a story artist, it's like if I don't feel like I'm good enough at like poses, like that's something I could work on. Mm-hmm. Like I get better and I could see the growth there. Right. And as a director, there's so many different hands. And really your goal is to kind of bring all these hands in together. Right. And create one beautiful thing. It's almost like it made the metaphor of it was like an assembly line. Yeah. Where before you were one of the like mm-hmm. And it'd be like, I machine, but as a director you are like the machine. Like you are like over, you know, so you can't speak and choose like you're Yeah. Yeah. And like on in the assembly line metaphor, I'd be like, oh, I need to screw the lid on tighter. And then I'd be like, I'm screwing the lid on tighter than I used to. Like, and I could see that I could feel good about it. And as a director, what I didn't realize was I was the machine, but I wasn't the audience. Like I wasn't all these, like, I wasn't the marketing, I wasn't the state of the industry. I wasn't turning Red, which Turning Red a great movie. That's, that Took our movie You where you turning red Dum. She, you're a idol. You're amazing. Um, yeah. And I really got lost in that. I really got lost in that for like, I would say a year and a half. Wow. Yeah. It's also interesting that it was like the darkest time was on the back of a, an enormous success. Yeah. Like, I feel like that is worth noting. Just how insane this industry is where you could be like the highest of the highs, 28-year-old director and like then the next year and a half you're in a down place, like in the dark place as we call it. I have, I mean, there were pa like I got to go to the red carpet event at, at the Chinese theater. I remember how, and I, this is not touched at all by any of this, um, how proud of my parents were. Aw. I remember like. At the end of a, a, the, the party afterwards, like, I was going out and there were people shining like, like Faryn, can I get oh.'Cause they were gonna sell it right. In case it did. Well, like all these pop like these, these sellers were trying to get my autograph. Yeah. I remember being like, this was the dr this was my dream Yeah. As a kid. And then that weekend I got really sick and then I would, and then the movie bombed, and then I was out theaters in three weeks. And it, like, it all happened so fast. And to experience these like, oh my gosh, highs and lows and highs and lows. It, um, it was really, it was really, I think spiritually. Yeah. Spiritually. It was really hard to navigate and I, I really had a hard time. Yeah. So was the low because there wasn't a success on the back of that success, like, was it because you didn't get another directing job right after, like why? No, the, yeah. Yeah. What was the low, why, what would you think was the impetus for the Low besides just the movie? Like tanking your identities tied up in a Yeah. Uh, before directing. If something wasn't doing well, it was something I could fix. And it was something that if I worked harder, it would get better. Mm-hmm. I worked so hard on Ruby, Oman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think, I wasn't, I wanna say outright, I wasn't crediting a lot of that hard work, and I wasn't crediting how the parts that I worked hard at that really sung in the movie. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I wanna say the movie is not a failure. Um, but I had seen, we were told it was a flop, it was like the biggest bomb in the movies in like the studio's history. Right. Oh. And I said, I worked hard and I couldn't make it better. Yeah. Right. Like I, I created a one-to-one where there wasn't one. Right. You know? Right. Yeah. That was, that was why I felt like I, I felt like if I had worked harder, if I had been better, it would've been, it wouldn't have failed. And that was a complete, that was, that's complete fallacy. Right. And I don't think, like, to give myself a lot of grace, um, I actually heard someone else, like, telling me about that, about a project that she was working on recently. And I was like, oh, I've been there. Like, I think this is a common flaw. Like when you, especially when you get to something that's your dream job and that you're told, like you, you're, when you're giving so much to the project in so many different ways, it's hard not to. Yeah. And also another thing to give you credit is like, you, you advocated for yourself. Mm-hmm. You said, I wanna do this role. Yes. Done it. No experience. You knew it was crazy. You, I didn't realize how crazy, I didn't realize how crazy and no idea. But you, you like, you just threw yourself into it. Yeah. And. And you, you gave your heart. I think that's like the most important thing, and that's what we want to hear. We want artists to like care and Yeah. You've had that 100%. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, I got my heart broken, but it's like, oh, like now I'm, uh, now I'm actually directing with someone else, another project, which I cannot say on here. Um, but, um, that one, like, I feel the difference I feel all the wisdom I learned and how much I'm like trying to protect myself and like, but also how much I'm like, okay, like if, if something happens along the way, it's not just, it's, you know, I'm gonna do my best, but there's so many different things, like I can, I'm feeling much more comfortable because I think part of it is that I've learned like I'm not the project. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I love the project, but I'm not the project. That's a great, yeah. I also wanna bring this up just for a think tank moment. Yeah. Do we think that being a woman has anything to do with this experience? I mean, also it's just been popping up a lot in the book. I'm reading the book Big Magic, and she talks about, oh yeah. And it, it, it's come up in a couple different things of just like how men will apply to a job that they feel underqualified for. They'll be, I'll figure it out. And women tend to be like, no, no, no, I can't. Like, I'm not like, and also I wonder if the ownership thing, like, it is just like an open question of like, would men more likely be like, well, I was just one part of the machine. What can I do? It didn't do well. Oh well. And like women are more like, no, if I was better it would have been better. Oh man. Oh my God. Um, I think, I mean, what do you think Olivia? I feel like I'm, I'm talking, I mean, I, I feel like there is a general sense of, I'm trying to choose my words, this idea that like. We're more conscious of the fact of like, if we choose a role, we wanna be ready for it.'cause we have to take care of something. Yeah. Right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And in that, like, uh, I think it's just more of an awareness. Mm-hmm. Like that gives us more of okay, we're, we're thinking about it more. We're feeling about it more. We're attaching to these things more because if I'm gonna like, relate to myself of like acting, I feel like I wanna show up to, uh. Uh, a show, rehearsal, whatever, prepare. Like, I wanna take care of myself so that way I can also take care of others. Mm. And like, so it's like you think it's a caretaking? I not, that's what I'm saying. Like, I wanna choose the words, right.'cause I don't think it's quite like, oh, I'm gonna take care of everyone. It's not, I'm not trying to get like, maternal or anything like that, you know? Like, I don't think it's that. But I think there's this, like, You, you want to be a positive influence, like, more than anything. And then, and, and if you're going up for something that you're maybe not, if you don't feel like you're ready, whether that's true or not, I think it just, it is just like more self-reflection. It's like going back to the awareness. Does that make sense? It just puts us more in our head, more of like, and I think that is because most women are raised is like, you know. I was also raised as someone who was like, I've always praised of being like a really good student, a really good daughter. Like the overachiever, like the like, yeah. I was a good listener. I, because I, I, I was very good at like appeasing people, like Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like, that's like distinctly, societally. Yeah. That's why charge. And I think that all kind of like interwebs itself also, just to put a cherry on that is like, men get more chances. Like, I feel like it's common knowledge that if you're a woman and you mess up, that's, you know, you're gonna be lucky if you get another chance. And like, men can be like, well, I, it just seems like, I don't know if there's just, it's weird, just, I think as actors, there are, I don't wanna say there's less men. I mean, it's probably equal, but I, theater's always felt like, yeah, there's like more women than men. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, I think that's, I actually think like it's the combination, right? Like, because I think women are generally, like, they're, they're like, I felt like. I was a little reticent to like put myself up because I'm like, I'm not ready. I should have more experience. I should, I don't have enough experience with something I kept thinking about, um, where I know men who wouldn't do that. Right. Yeah. And I think you're right, because I was just listening to this other podcast, um, scandalous, not as good as Poda, um, scandal, I dare you. But it was about a female construction worker, which is incredibly male, like fully male dominated industry. Right? Yeah. And she was saying what's really a part of my job and anxiety that's really tough is that if I feel like if I don't do well, that means that women can't do this job. Yeah. And like it means, I think you nailed it right there. Right. And she goes, and guys don't have that. Like, if they can't do a task, it's fine. But if I can't do a task, that means women can't do a task. And she said, I wish that anxiety wasn't there. Right. Yeah. But it's there. Yeah. Or like, I wish that wasn't the world we were in, but it, it's there and I think, uh, there are. I dunno why I wanted to knock on wood, especially during a podcast. That's an awful idea. Um, well that Jo, we learned about Josh's knock on wood practice. Yeah, yeah. We both do it. Um, and visualizes like the spoon, the cutting board the night. Yeah. Well, you'll hear it. I can't wait to listen to this guy's episode. Um, I, oh, I didn't know about that. Um, I, wait, where was I? Um, there are not, there are no other female directors at Dreamworks. Oh. Um, there was one, I think, for real reasons, unfortunately, she kind of got let go. Oh. But there's no other female, like I would say co-directors are directors right now. Um, wow. And there haven't been for the last, like since, uh, since this other woman got it. Got let go. So there's definitely there. It's like, I think on the, the bad side of it. Yeah. Like, I totally feel like. I am the female representative. Mm. Right. Like of, and it definitely makes it feel like, like in a, in a way that actually I find, what's the word? I actually take some, some pride in of like, yeah, of course. It feels like a duty, it feels like a real, like, I want to, I wanna do well. So they're like, so there could be more opportunities. It shouldn't be on me. And I don't think it's fully on me, but like, I feel like I shouldn't be the only one. And it feels like, being at my job sometimes feels like a small, little activist. Yeah. Thing of if I do well at this, I want it. Like that can open up to people who have different thoughts and opinions and like more women, right? Like, I don't, but I don't like carrying that. And like, there's definitely ways that I have to find the balance between you know, being relaxed and bringing me, and like, also, yeah, I probably like, I'm probably, probably more put together than a lot of my male con counterparts because I know that probably there's, I get less forgivenesses. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's, it's quicker to be like, she's not, especially'cause my age too, actually age is, has always been a big factor for me in this job. I am, um, um, increasingly not young, but still younger than a lot of people doing this. Um, but, um, yeah, I, I can't wait for the day that it doesn't feel like there's a small form of activism just doing this job. Yeah. Um, but I am, I, I feel very honored that I'm in a position where I can kind of like show like, oh yeah, there can, like parent could do it, you know? Right. Yeah. Others can too. And I don't think we get as many chances. Yeah. I really don't. Yeah. But I wonder if that makes it harder to not tie yourself to the outcome then, because now like, I'm like, okay, I am looking at it like. You have the pressure of being, you're the one female director. Yeah. And there's no way to deny that. Like, yes, you are now a symbol for female directors. Right. Like, how could it not Like how at the studio for sure. Right, right. Just the pressure of just being a director. Right. And the pressure of being a director. Yeah. Yeah. And like to me, I'm like, how do you make that not make you a have less fun? Yeah. Not be afraid to just like, make bold choices and mess up like, like all Yeah. Pressure I feel like can stifle that. Yeah. And also then how do you, how do you not tie yourself to the outcome? Yeah. Like what happened with your first movie of it failed. So I failed. I think the last one's easiest in a way because I think with the first movie I did fall into, like there was a lead female character who had a lot of the characteristics that I really relate to. And I, that was a real, like, I, I got too, I, I saw myself. Uh, I think it's really good to see yourself in your characters. And I started to be like, this is, this feels very ego driven, but like, just like in a passion, like I kinda lost of like. I'm here to represent that kind of character. And that was too much. That was when I like, kind of stepped over the line without knowing. Um, I think the other stuff is being a woman in the world, right? Like, I think Sure. Every day I spend like probably more time than, uh, my counterpart does, uh, getting ready. And by that I mean absolutely. More time he puts on a hoodie and a t-shirt. And I don't think I could get away with that. Right? Like legitimately, I don't think I would be seen as someone who could be a leader. Yeah. If I came in with a t-shirt and hoodie and then, you know, once I'm there and I, I work on my communication and I am kind, there's a lot of superpowers that being a woman gives me, I think. Mm. Um, and there's also, um, just a feeling of, okay, now I'm mindfully here. Now I'm a director. I'm in the seat. Yeah. I think it's, it's like both being like, I am aware of some of the perceptions that I need to fight every day, and once I'm in the seat there, I can't, like I am here and I earned it. It's remembering like I'm here. Yeah. I'm here like this. This is not a flu. Putting your foot down. Yeah. Putting your foot down and being like, in my mind being like, we're not gonna think about this anymore. Yeah. You know, I'm mindful, like, mindful in my practice is about like, how can I become this kind of leadership, figure and when I'm there, man, if I'm not having fun, it's not gonna be good. Right. You know? Right, right. Yeah. It's a balance. Yeah. Yeah. How did you pull yourself out of the dark place? The year and a half, dark place after that? Yeah. It's been pretty hard. It was, it was a lot of therapy. Yeah. Right. Like, I think I do CBT therapy. Mm-hmm. And I'm going to, I'm considering starting EMDR as well. That's cognitive behavioral. Cognitive behavioral. And what's EMDR? I don't remember. Uh, I'm, I'm in the practice of looking it up, uh, and it's like, what is it called? EMDR. Um. I had a lot of big negative thoughts about myself, and they were really big black and white thoughts. Like, they're like, I'm a failure. Yeah. And like, or I saw the movie as this movie was a failure. Right. And that wasn't like, no, we got the story through like, there's a lot of really charming characters. There were a lot of kids who seemed to really like it, like filtering that all out. And in my mind I'm like, the movie was a failure. I'm a failure. The movie was a failure. I'm a failure. And I have, I think I always have a lot of problems with ru rumination. Mm-hmm. Especially when I get really hard on myself and doing CBTI think, let me realize like, these are thoughts and these thoughts are, are, are coming from these emotions. Mm-hmm. And they're not giving credit to all the nuance. Yeah. Like a lot, man, the word nuance keeps coming up, but it's not gonna, but I think I could really be very extreme in my, my, my scared heart on myself. Thoughts. Yeah. Totally. I mean, that's from being like, you know. A perfect, like what you were saying, Olivia, like being a perfectionist. Growing up I was like a student athlete and there was like, you either pass or you fail and that's, that's just not true. Yeah. And that like can, that can make you the hardest on yourself. So I think a lot of CBTI think, um, also just having fun again a little bit with creativity or like, and not putting pressure on myself also to be creative. Mm. I think for a while I was like, you know what? And now's the time just to like live Yeah. And, and take the pressure off of like, I have to find, like I have to be creative again or like the next thing has to be a success. Yeah. Like that was a lot of pressure and I think I probably spent a year not making creative works really, you know? Yeah. A little. Did you jump to another job after that or you just were I was in development at Dreamworks, which is such like a weird limbo. Uh, and especially at that time they were not really looking for development projects, so I would just kind of rum the hallways during my day and be like, Ugh. And it was kind of like, I think I needed to give myself a break. Yeah. Especially, yeah. Yeah. Especially'cause I prided myself so much on creativity and I felt like that was hurt and I think I had to let myself not think about it a little bit. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It felt hard and not fun. And I think I need to be like, okay, I need to like step away a little bit. Mm-hmm. So then I could come back and have a better time, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Uh, just so we know at EDMR as eye movement desensitization. Right. Yeah. Desensitation and reprocessing. Desensitization. Yeah. To trauma, trauma focused psychotherapy that help people heal. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Trying sounds multiple different kinds. That sounds pretty cool. Yeah. So what do, what, do you remember a moment where you were like, oh, I'm not in the dark place anymore, or it was just like a gradual coming out of that? Hmm. I think it's gradual and like I started to work on this other project where I dunno if you guys feel this, if you ever get into like a dark place with your creativity or like a, a stuck place mm-hmm. Where you have moments where you're like, oh, it's there. Like, it still lives, you know? Oh yeah. Yeah. And like, I think both having a project at work. Mm-hmm. But also like, on small things, like the other day I went to a party and, or I was going to go to a party and for a wrap party for, um, Gabby Stall House, a movie I worked on. Oh yeah. And, um, seen a lot of posters for that. Yeah. Kids and kids are gonna love it. It's uh, four kids. It's, it is a child's movie. Um, but, um, I like, I had a moment where I'm like, I wanna, like, what if I like paint a purse or something of like one of the characters? Like, what if I like go to Goodwill and do a little craft? And I was like, oh, like follow that here. It's, you know, because I think like something that really, really got me sad during the t During the dark, he dark days after was the feeling of like, I lost it. I lost what made me good. Oh, that's the worst feeling, right? That is the worst feeling. And it's just not true. Sometimes it just kind of needs it, you need to like relax and breathe and realize, and then when you see it, you like, you have to recognize like, it's there. Like, I never left. Yes. It's still there. Yeah. Oh yeah. You're speaking to my soul. Yeah. It's like, I think we all feel that. Yeah. Yeah. Josh, Josh's episode like, messed me up a little bit. Not, not in like a bad look, not in a bad way, but like, I'm in a place of questioning, like Yeah, yeah. Acting and like the, and just, it's, it's just like such a random, I mean, it's just such a random field actually. The big magic thing when our spo of face-to-face Fridays that I just said, I read an excerpt because it was about how success is like a capricious old bitch. Yeah. It didn't sound bitch, but, but now I, I love it. I thought that was a perfect Oh yeah. Like, and the whole point was like. She's like, success is an old lady that just randomly gives her fortune to, to people. Like to random, to random people, to random people. Like sometimes it's just somebody who's worked so hard and diligently for her for years, and then sometimes it's just like for some random kid who just cut her lawn one time. Yeah. Like it just, it is so random. And I would say, but I think part of it was me being like, okay, but see writing and drawing, there's a way which you can do that without success. Right? Yeah. Like, I don't know if that's true of acting. I mean, I guess the way that it's true is little sketches and things that we do. Right. Well, because it is so audience driven. Audience it's art. Yeah. You could, you can go and recite, you could do a whole play in your living room, but like that's not, that's not what it is. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess it's like. Like figuring out what does your version of success mean? Like, like I got lost. Like the, essentially I thought a successful movie is one that does well at the box office and so I was like, the movie wasn't a success. And like that doesn't, uh, that doesn't give any credit to like, the many ways that it was a success. It doesn't like count all the growth I had from beginning to end. Yeah, totally. It doesn't count all the magical moments of like getting to just enjoy the magic of a lot of people's art, Yeah. Yeah. I think you made a movie, right? Made a movie. Yeah. Like also like holy shit. Yeah. You made a movie. Yeah. That was in the big screen. Like it's that, that was huge. Yeah. Yeah. But it's like, I think, like, I think for me, I think I get lost in making like a big black and again, black and white kind of term of like that's what success is. I think what I've been learning is like find all the, like the little things in between. Yeah. Like give those credit to, because they're all real, you know? Right. Yeah. Yeah. Um, okay. That's tough though. But like, just also say like, yeah, I don't, I don't have the, I'm just trying to, I'm just like trying to surrender honestly. Yeah. But, but I wanna get into your spiritual box. Ooh. As it were. Ooh, we're opening it up. Okay. Because you said I'm not gonna fully, yeah. Sh. I feel like yours would've sparkle. Yeah. Oh yeah. Really? Yes. It's the kind of thing in the world. Yeah, it's kind of spark. I was gonna be like, I was gonna be like, like a little critter comes out and you're like, what was that? And you're like, close the box. Um, okay, so you mentioned you may be agnostic. Yeah. That, does that mean you do believe in a higher power? I think it's sometime. Okay. I'm gonna jump. I do believe in aliens. Okay. I do believe, I do believe there's like kind of too many coincidences on earth. Like in terms of like how we're able, like this is life. And especially like we're the only ones in the world, like in the universe who have this like no way. Right? Like I do feel like there's either scientifically life feels so, so incredible to me and miraculous. Mm-hmm. That like aliens I think exist. And also like, it does make me think, I don't think, like God is, I don't know if I believe is God is like a, a person, but I wonder if there's something more. I like to believe that there's something more to, to the physical realm that we feel like an energy or like a, yeah, like I don't, you know, I, sorry. Um, you asked a simple yes or no question. No, no, no. And what I'm doing is giving you five different answers, including aliens. But do you feel that aliens are the ones that are creating the coincidences? No, no, no. I think even just like looking outside the way the light, like the beauty that we get to see through our eyes, which are actually processing an image upside down to like what a crazy mechanism that we've all developed. And I even think, like I remember once, I'm trying to remember if it was in psychology, the idea of where does the soul sit? Mmm. Do you two, like if, do you believe first if there's a soul, and if two, is it something that is deep inside? Is it in your head? Is it something that, like if you leave your bo could you leave your body? Or is it tied to it? There's like a hole. Oh yeah. Interesting. I never really thought about it this way. I mean, I believe a soul is like your core qualities. Yeah. That's what I believe. Um, like comprises a soul. Mm-hmm. Be, and what something that convinced me of this is my daughter Fiona is like, so maternal and always has been she was a baby. Yeah. Like taking care of babies. And to me, I was like, that's not a learned trait. That is, that is a sole quality Yeah. Of her. Yeah. You know? So where does it sit? I, I heard at some point there's something in your, what is it called? Like the, I feel like it begins with a P of the, A gland. Ary. No, maybe. No, that's foremost. They're like s head though. Is it? I think it's in your brain. Oh, it's in your brain. But maybe I can look it up. It's, from what I remember, the only this gland is activated when you're born and when you die. That's it. Interesting. Whoa. So there's a lot of people who think that all of the like kind of psychic ability, soul, is there, is where it's out. So I think whatever, whenever I heard that, I kind of glommed on to it as Yeah. Um, but I think a soul, I mean, I don't know that I believe in past lives, but I, I don't not believe in past lives. And I think if I'm with you, if past lives are real, I think your soul, that's why to me it's like your core qualities. Yeah. Your, like that don't know intangible, not even desire, just like Yeah. Who you are. Your core would transfer from life to life. I think. Yeah. I'm thinking about my, okay, I'm gonna look up with that. I feel like for me, I keep, I think I use the word energy a lot'cause that makes the most sense to me. It's this Thing that like when we die, can leave. And whether that moves to another person or that just goes into the world again to to, to energize some other thing. Like, yeah, I, I don't have it fully, uh, mapped out, but I feel like if it sat, I, I envisioned it almost yeah, an extra layer of like skin oh, that's interesting. If we were to visualize it, it would just like, just kind of shimmer out. Yeah. It was like the sole was to leave. Because I, because I feel like when I think about souls, I also think about like connections. Like I also think about we have soulmates and there's something about that that like, there's some interactions and so I liked, I like to think of it and maybe not so like solid. It's like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. The pineal gland. That's the pineal. Yeah, I've heard that. Yes. Oh, interesting. It's in the center of the brain. It was in the center. I like to think my soul sits on a little throne with like, what do you think is in a soul? Oh yeah. Well, I mean, I think in a way I might, I might believe in a soul. Just because it just feels, again, like the idea is it's just like so miraculous that we are not even just like animals, but we've evolved to the point that we can make art. Yeah. And like that I could stress about the peanut butter cookies I'm gonna make later. It's, it's kind of too much purpose. Yeah. To, to feel like we're just animals who happen to evolve to be able to do this. Um, so you feel like the soul is, how does that tie to the Yeah, I think they're just, I don't know. I think we, I think we, we just must have something a little bit more than just the, the practical consciousness or like the practical mechanisms. I mean like I know we have an animal behavior and it just feels like there's a little level more that makes me think there must be. Again, like I think I'm in a, like, listening to photo, I was like, what do I feel about spirituality? Um, yeah. And I think if anything, like I feel like there's just something a little bit more, like, something a little bit more magical to human beings, you know? So when you, like, do you feel that the decisions you make are divinely inspired or inspired by the soul or aliens or, or none of that? First of all, probably aliens. Okay. And that's the end of my answer. Um. Ooh. That's a good question. No, I think, you know what, pulling it back to Judaism, something I was thinking about in the car on the way here is that in Judaism you're, or at least at my temple, you were encouraged, not when you were praying, you were encouraged not to be like, I hope I do. Well, the ball game today. Mm-hmm. You were like, there's, instead the prayer would be, give me the strength to, you know, to do well. It was very like, you have this power, you are in control. So I think in that way, I, I am a, you know, I'm a believer of like, you know, reframing and realizing what control you do have, you know, and what strength you have, like pulling those out, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel like, do you believe in soulmates? Do you feel like Josh is your soulmate? Um, I don't believe in soulmates. Okay. I think, I think, I believe that. WI, I believe that probably I have it to be real. Like I probably had the potential to like really match in a wonderful way with, with, there's probably a handful of people on earth depending in, in the proximity. I think Proximity's probably a big part of it, but then it's the choosing to be like, yeah, we're gonna, like, we, like, I found a person that everything feels easy, right? Mm-hmm. Like, I think that's the real quality is like, there's something that feels like, oh, I could be open in a way I didn't realize I can. And choosing to keep pursuing that, you know? So, I don't know soulmates, but I don't think it's a lot of people. Like, I think you're very lucky to ever, I think everyone has a bunch, but it's the one that you're like, you're here, I'm here. Let's do this a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I agree on that. Yeah. Yeah. I, but I, I agree, but I also in a weird way, still believe in soulmates. Yeah. I think, I don't think it's like you have a one soulmate. I think we've kind of, I think I've maybe mentioned this before on the, on the podcast of like, I think there's just some people that you're soul just cliques. Like you just know. Right. And I think you can have many soulmates and many varieties of types. I don't think like the soulmate is like the one person. Yeah. I think that it's bigger than that. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Keep our souls more credit. Yeah. We should get more than one. They're on a throne girl. Yeah. And their little brains. Um, I, I do like though, I do think there's something kind of incredible if you look at like the path that takes you to where you are right now and all the decisions that led that way. Yeah. And, um, is it the bell jar or there there's some, there's some, I don't know. There, it's a classic thing of like, like I look at. Like, if I didn't go to the college that I did and I didn't find out about this internship, then I wouldn't be in California. And I wouldn't, if I wasn't in California, I, you know, wouldn't realize like, and I could do animation and I wouldn't meet Josh who I met because of a previous boyfriend who didn't like animation. And then I think you might know. And because of that, I wouldn't have met Josh and now like, and now I'm getting married to this guy. Like, uh, it is kind of crazy when you, when you look at everything interweave, you go, wow, I am how grateful I am. Yeah. That, that series of events happened. And it, I think, I feel very lucky to be on this path. And my guess is I probably had a bunch of different paths that could have happened, depending on some things that were like right place, right time. Mm-hmm. Or like, not realizing how big that choice was to, you know, in the road. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. Everything does add up to it. They're all interconnected. Yeah. And yeah, and I think it's probably my choice, but it is interesting to look at that and be like, wow, like if I didn't make that, if that was a, like if I went to like this college versus this college, I'd be a completely different life in person. Right? Yeah. I think about it too, and like in the moment sometimes, you know that you're making like a choice that is going to project you into something like you think, you know. Mm-hmm. You know, and then it's not until, like you said, like after the fact or presently you go, oh, it's because I did that. Yeah. It's, that's why I'm here. Yeah. And yeah. And it's unexpected things sometimes too. Yeah. Oh, definitely. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny though that there's been times where I remember like, this is, I don't know why this comes up, but, I had met Grant once. Mm-hmm. Um, and then. Uh, we were in, uh, our friend Aaron's Yeah. Uh, car, and he had a Polaroid of him, and I wish I knew where that Polaroid is. It's probably gone, it's probably gone to the world. Uh, but I remember like looking at it and being like, and like I just remember I remem maybe, I don't know, I just remember feeling like this was a moment. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah. Was this before you, like this was after you met Grant? Once and then I I met him once. Yeah. We, and we like didn't interact that much. Yeah. But we had met each other and I remember like asking Aaron like, what, what's his name again? And I was like, oh, grant. Yeah. And I dunno, it, it's like, it's so funny how, like, why would I remember that moment so much? Yeah, totally. Totally. And, and it's like, do you know. And I and I and, and there's something about like, oh, there's all these paths that you, we go down. And sometimes I will play that game of like, okay, well even if I didn't go to Redlands, or even if I did do this, like no, no, no. There sure, for sure. Like, I almost like create another path. Like Yeah. I almost like decide what would've stayed despite the, the decisions that, like if I changed those decisions. Yeah. And I feel like of course, like my heart, my mind is gonna be like, well, grant is part of that. Yeah. Right. You know, or like, I still am gonna act like, right. I don't know how you guys feel if there's like things in your life where you're like, well, I know there are many different paths and obviously a lot of things we don't realize or No. Until we're there, but like, do you think there are these things in your life that you're like, no, I think no matter what. My life would, would still have this. I mean, it reminds me of what Ari said, what you said earlier about like what you're seeing in your daughter right now. Mm-hmm. Of like these qualities. Mm-hmm. That just feel like that's who they are. Yeah. Yeah. And it's interesting. I think you're, I think you're right. There's some things where, you know, I don't think it was any path that made me like. To draw. Mm-hmm. Like maybe like, look, maybe it, maybe there was a person at a crucial moment who said, Hey, you're good at drawing. And that put in my brain like, I'm good at drawing. Yeah. And that maybe set me forward. But I think being more, I think there are qualities that are like immutable. Mm-hmm. Right. Um, and it's interesting'cause I have a, I had, I remember once like listening to, um, a song about a guy named Mr. Brown and being like, Brown's a good last name. Wow. And it's one of those things that's Josh's last name, and it's Josh's last name. And like, it's one of those things that I wonder if I would remember it, if that memory would come up if I didn't choose Josh. You know, like if we didn't meet each other. But now that we did it, it's like, oh. And it, it feels so much, I mean, that's ro that's what romance is, right? It's something that feels so much bigger than yourselves. Brought you together. Yeah. Like something that feels there. Um, do you believe in science? In science? Yeah. Yeah. Is is there an aspect of I believe in like, yeah. Like stop sign the signs of the aliens. Merge. Merge is a good one. No, no, like, like Like 11? 11? What? Like the time? 11. 11? Yeah. I'm, oh, like, yeah, like those are like, like signs or Like signs. Yeah. I thought you said science. Oh. Then we started to work through traffic and she's like, wow. Signs. Do I believe in signs? Yeah. Okay. Oh, oh, oh. You're like, like what kind, like biological? Yeah. I was, I was like, physics I think is real. I think things fall, uh, real hot Take science is real. Science is real. Um, you know, I, I just fear that when you're gonna, if you look, look at a transcribed version of this episode, which everyone will, this has been a fascinating episode of SPODA, um, everyone. Yeah. Um, you might be like, Faryn's been inconsistent with what she talks about with her beliefs, but like, oh no, but that's our rules that we know, because we must listen to what I say. I change my mind. All the, I know. Well, there, yeah. Support lives. Okay. I think that's okay. I, that's the big thing is like stigma in this society. Yeah. You get to, you get to choose every moment of every second of. Of what you believe. I, I And we're, we're figuring out. Yeah. Yeah. So that's okay. I would snap, but I can't really, I can barely snap sound like really oily over the, the mic. It's got a lot of grease on those. Pause. Um, signs, uh, do I believe in signs? I think if mostly if people ask me like, do I believe in like the paranormal or signs, like that uhhuh, like my general take is, I don't know if I truly do, but it's more fun to be in a world where I do, you know? Totally. Totally. I like that. Yeah. Like, I think, yeah, like thinking about the last name Brown, right? That's, that's, that's cool. E-S-P-E-S-P man. You know, like, I think it's more fun to believe in a world where, yeah, there is a little, like, I, I sometimes just choose to be like, yeah, this place is haunted. Let's like, ooh. Yeah. You know? I like, I think if there's anything that, and I have to remind myself anything that I really want outta life. To have fun. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know, have a good time. That's a good reminder. You know, and it's like, yeah. Yeah. Like I, and I definitely like a, I I do a lot of superstitions, like Josh and I both, I'm curious about the spoon and cutting board thing. Okay. But we both knock on wood. Uh, I think I really wanna make, there was this one day that I was like, I'm gonna make a bracelet that's outta wood. So that way when you're wearing it, you can knock on wood. And I'm like, there's millions of bracelets made, made out of wood. This is no invention. I, I own a bracelet made outta wood. What am I doing? But not one that you've made. Yeah, exactly. And I think one that specifically has like this intention, you should make them. That's true. Yeah. Or like a ring. I always felt like a ring with like a bar on it or something. I could just, like, I'm not a great designer, have jewelry. So what part of your spirituality do you feel like you're struggling with now? I, you know, maybe it's just naming it and being Olivia, I really appreciate what you said, because I think to be vulnerable, I was a little nervous coming on this podcast because I was like, I don't know where I land with the law of spirituality. Yeah. And as we're talking it through, I'm like, oh, I guess I do like, yeah, I guess I do like feeling like, well, it's a sign. Or like I, or like, yeah. I think I have thought about like, there feels like there's something a little more to humanity than the just like evolutionary science. Um, but yeah, I, I think it's nice to feel like it's in flux and maybe I'm just like, because of this podcast, like been asking myself like, what do I believe with that? Yeah. I think it's stuff that maybe I would throw off as like a one off, but I haven't really put into a whole narrative. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. I think it's helpful for that. We're happy that it's, yeah, it's been super helpful. Usually you guys take away something and this time I will, I totally forgot. Yeah. What were gonna say. It's okay. It will come back. It'll come back. It'll come back. Okay. Um, are there like practices that you do like day to day, week to week, month to month that Yeah. You, I mean, they don't, you don't have to quantify them as spiritual, but spiritually adjacent or something. Yeah. Yeah. I think, um, I meditate. Yeah. I try to meditate. Um, do you meditate every day? I try to. There are some days where I'm like, some weeks I'm so good about it, and then I just drop off one day and then it's gone. Mm-hmm. So then I have to Do you feel the difference when you do meditate? Yeah. Yeah. I feel more grounded and stuff because I, there's so much to do right now mm-hmm. That I'm so resistant to meditating and like, taking the moment out. Even like, you only meditate like 10 minutes, like in the morning. Right. Like, I'm not, I'm doing. Beginner stuff. Uh, but then it's like, and then after I'm like, how wonderful. How wonder what a wonderful thing I've done. Do you, do you do like a mantra or like guided or silent or whatever? Usually do I use, yeah. I use the Calm app. Okay. You tip. Yeah. I love the COP app. It's awesome. Um, I will say my favorite if I'm really getting, oh, actually I do a lot of writing down. Mm-hmm. Like, I'm not, not like writing prose, but like, I think I'm pretty prone to feeling overwhelmed. Okay. And really getting like, really, like if my thoughts get really controlled, do a lot of writing, like, just like write down what I'm thinking right now. Mm-hmm. And then it's easier to see like, whoa, whoa. Like the world's not ending far. And they were like. If with wedding stuff, I could feel like I'm, there's like a million things to do and I paralyze, and then, um, I just have to write it down. Uh, and I'm like, oh, it's only like eight things. Um, I think my favorite meditation though, that I keep going back to, or my favorite idea, and I wonder how you guys feel about it because I've heard from one person that this is a scary idea, but it gives me a lot of comfort is there's a meditation where you imagine your yourself floating outside your body. Mm-hmm. Floating up like through the roof, flying high, above Los Angeles, flying high above the earth and into space. Okay. And what I like about that and like looking down and seeing how small you are, and what I like about that is I feel like I am prone to this. Um, it's so easy to get lost. It's just like so easy to get lost in all like the, the shoulds and needs to need tos and like rules and regulations of the world. And like there's something about realizing like, I am just a little ant. On this planet. And really in the end, I'm just like, no one ca no one. Like of course people care about me, but no one cares about my inner life or what I do, or my actions. Like they don't have con like, they don't need to have consequences on other people. Like, I'm free. You know? It makes me feel like, oh, I'm way more free than I get myself credit for. I think that's my favorite reminder. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. I don't know. I've, I've had someone say, that's a scary thought about how small I am in the universe, and I was like, fair. Hmm. It gives me a lot of comfort. I, I, yeah. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. That's a, it's a good reminder. It can seem like everything is the biggest decision and everything is life changing. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe it's not. Yeah. It could, it, you're a lot more free than you give yourself credit for. Yeah. You know, and this kind of goes back to what I was gonna say. Yeah. Remembered it was just very small. I remembered is like the, the, going back to like naming it. Yeah. I think that the, sometimes that's like hard for people if they can't name it. How do you express. What you believe, you know? Yeah. What you're saying. Oh, like naming your spirituality kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. But I also think there is a sense of freeness, like kind of going to like this idea of like floating and it's like, I don't know, like it's okay to not name it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. You know? I don't know. There's no rule. Yeah. Yeah. There's no shoulds or like, it's just yours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. When you meditate, do you, like, have you slipped into a deep meditation and like had any sort of downloads from that? Dude, there was one time I did, and I keep trying to chase. It really never happened again. Um, just one day. I don't know what happened. Like maybe I, like the concentration was there and I remember being like, I felt like I could see myself meditating. Mm. And that was, I have not gotten that ever again. That was like, do you have any like realizations during that or just like total calmness? It was just total calm. Yeah. I think it was just total calm and the feeling of like, whoa, like I'm met, I could feel like I'm meditating, and now here's the separation. Like my brain's like. I was, I, it felt like I could see myself doing it, and now I was like outside. Wow. And that happened, maybe it was either really early this year or last year. Okay. And yeah, I've never gotten that. It's so, it's hard. It's hard. It is happened to, to me a couple times. For me, it feels like I'm floating. I'm, I'm under myself. Oh, interesting. Like seeing myself meditate above. But yeah, it's, oh, I mean, I've been meditating for like years and it's like maybe three or four times, you know? Yeah. Now I've been trying to wake up before the kids wake up and meditate because I'm in a state of questioning and I've just been trying to like, listen as much as I can. Yeah. But it is so hard to listen. Like I, I feel the noise in my head, and I know the more I do for me, the more I do it, the less a noise there is. Mm-hmm. And it's just like, it's actually just about like putting the time in, I think. Yeah. Yeah. And like, okay. Well, I meditated this morning. It wasn't great, you know? Yeah. A couple weeks ago, I remember I texted you, I was like, I just had a great meditation session. But like, yeah. Yeah. The, I don't know how people, I mean, I don't know, like when I took this meditation class, there was a lot of. A lot of mantras. Yeah. A lot of like gestures. Mm-hmm. And a lot of breath work. Does that help? Or what is that, how, how do you feel about like mantras and stuff? I liked it in the, I mean, what I liked about being in the class was it was like, we are here to do this. Like, first of all, I think there's something really powerful about being like, I'm going to a place to do a thing. Yeah. With other people that are doing that thing. Yeah. Versus me, like doing it on my own. Like that's why I love, I mean, also my yoga class is great and like he did and stuff. Mm-hmm. But I like doing that more than doing yoga at home with like my two kids trying to like scream at me while I'm doing downward dog. You know what I mean? 100. It's, it is, you know, better. It is perfectly better. Yeah. But yeah, I mean the mantra stuff like, yeah, I liked, I liked it and I think it was like a little bit too much breath work for me by the end. Oh, okay.'cause then the actual meditation was only like 10, 15 minutes, but I was deep in there. Yeah. And then when we were had to come out, I was like, no. And I usually, when I'm done meditating, I'm like, okay, I'm done with this. But I was like. I wish I had more time. Wow. So, so maybe it's because of all the breath work and the mantras and the, the, the hands and stuff Yeah. That I was able to get there. Yeah. Mudras. Yeah, mudras. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was interesting. It was really interesting. Wow. Yeah. Oh, that's so cool. I've never done a meditation class. Yeah. I have to try that. Yeah. I think I'm gonna try another one that's not,'cause I'm just, I think maybe I'll just try to take some meditation classes and see if it helps me.'cause I do feel like yeah, once you hit that place, you're like, okay, if it was that every time, yeah. I can see how beneficial that would be to me. Yeah. And sometimes like, it's like my mind's all over the place and like, I'm just like, if I pull, if I kept trying to pull myself back, that's the one. Yeah. Right. Like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So I love that you meditate. But you try to pull yourself out. Yep. If I'm really getting overwhelmed. Yeah. Okay. With weddings, stuff that's been like super helpful. Okay. To be like, oh my God, Faryn, relax. Like, you're a little speck on this planet. And Thanos would, um, snap and you would likely become dust. Uh, like, you're fine. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Maybe that, do you have another, another one you do? That's my favorite one. Okay. For sure. That's my favorite. I mean, there are other, like, I do the comm app and they always have a new one and there's some I like more than others. Comms. Yeah. But, um, that's the one that really stuck with me. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe we should meditate with that intention for, I, I was gonna say, I really like that'cause we haven't had a, like a meditation in a while and I like that specific Yeah. One. Yeah. I'm gonna call it zoom out meditation. Yeah. So what do we, do you wanna say 10 minutes a day? Yeah. Okay. Whoa. Yeah. Okay. Great. For two weeks. Woohoo. Dang. You guys are doing it hardcore. I, I am. Like if I do that once, I'm like, good job. As I said earlier, like. Yes. Look, we try. Yeah, we tried like, okay, so I did it two days. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty good. It's, you know, it's fun. It's pretty good. And try stuff out. Yeah. I, I, I really enjoyed those kind of like meditation though, where you like, have some kind of visual practice. Yep. Yeah. You know, or versus, as opposed to a verbal, or like you said, mantra sometimes even a simple vis visualization helps me like focus. Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think like visualizing like what, what the room looks like, and then like what your roof looks like and your street and all that, and just going more and more out. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Thanks for that. Yeah. You're, you're the best. You're the great. Oh my. Oh, what a goodness. Delightful conversation you guys. What a crazy, crazy conversation we had. Is there anything you wanna promote? Oh, yeah. Whoa. Um, you're on improv. We didn't even touch even talk. I'm doing that for fun right now. That's great. But, uh, yeah. Come see Crop Top Prenup. Okay. So you and Josh are on in Yeah, we're on an improv team together. It's, how's, that's, honestly, it's like, it's great in the sense of like, it's, I'm gonna get Zay. It's like, it's actually like a weekly reminder of like how much I admire him and how in incre, like, how talented and incredible he can be. Oh. You know, like not, he can be, he is like, he's such. I mean, I'm sure it's like, I mean, Olivia, when I saw you, this was like, do you know, do you ever feel like you get a glimpse of like, someone's like Spark. Yes. You know, and you're like, wow, that's them fully, like unfiltered. And you're like, that's them shining a little bit. Right. And like, Olivia, when I saw you do your play, I was like, oh my gosh. Like, just tell across the stage. I was like, this is, I'm getting to see Olivia like in her world, you know? Thank you. Yeah. It's really wonderful. It was really, it was really great. I think when I get to like, read someone's work, like it doesn't have to be like performance, right? But, um, I think in improv, like there was this one time that we were having a fight and then we, like, then we had improv practice and like seeing him, I feel like we both were like, oh yeah, that's why I like you. Right. Like, like that's the connection again. That's great. Yeah. So I really like doing it. And also it's like for me. I'm not taking it super seriously right now. It's really like just a thing to do a fun hobby. Um, so it's been fun. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. And then I would, um, promote Spo Oda SDA is a great podcast. I don't have anything else to, for a second I was like, oh yeah, okay. Send another team. Um, thank you. That so funny. Yeah, yeah. Crop Top Prenup. We gotta go to a show. We do. Oh boy. Like we were talking about this, like, if you guys come to a show, it's gonna be an okay show and then like, you'll hear about the great show. You won't tell us I watch. Yeah, we won't. No, no, we won't. Yeah, we'll just, yeah. Just be like, I love how you guys tried. That was awesome. Can I tell you something? There's no way. You are worse than us. I mean, I don't, I we've had some shows that were, wow. Wow. I mean, I only really remember being on stage with you one time. And like we all, we just, we just both were blank and then we just started pushing something. Both of us, I don't even know if we, do you remember this at all? I kind of do. Yeah. Well, it, it scarred me like definitely emotional, but I think, I think it bonded video because we were just like, and we never even named what we were pushing. We just were pushing this thing, like the whole time we had like a conversation about nothing. It was so painful. It was. So being part of a painful improv scene, there's, there's no torture. Like it. Oh. Because, you know, everyone's watching you and you're like, we can't get out of this. And then you're, you, you fully know. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's failing and you know, it's failing. There's just no way out. There's just no way out. Um, you're just kind of wrecked. And I remember I once did with a previous improv group, I did a show, where do you know Will Hines? He's like big on the improv. He's, he's like a big improv guy. Okay. And he came to see, he was seeing the show, and it was, and you knew, did you know he was there? I knew he was there. And it was like, potentially just the worst. And we were like, and all the, you know, like when this, you know, a improv show gets bad when you start making like Jesus references when someone comes out as Jesus and like, that's what you know. With very little variation. Like, you're like, uhoh. If we're going, if we're doing, like, if we're like, we're like, well, Jesus Christ is here, and you're like, we're in a bad, we're in the bad place right now. That's so funny. I I will never forget that. No, no. I thought it was when circumcision gets mentioned, I, I remember, Ooh, I've never been in one with circumcision. Oh, really? That's what I, I would always reach for that when I was failing. Wow. Oh yeah. I don't even know what my patterns were. I was so out of it, I guess. No, I just, and also our team, I mean, to be fair to us mm-hmm. People were not like saving us. Like,'cause everybody was afraid. So like in that pushing one, I was like, please, for the love of God, like somebody, how about, but they don't know what to do. Right. Lately they probably are like, we don't know. Yeah. That's the thrill of improv for all. We're all, we could do a great, you could be so good and do, and any time it's like 50 50, whether you're doing a great show or if there's a moment where like things are happening on stage and you're like, the voice in your head is like. This isn't going well. Yeah. And I'm, I'm here and I can't get out of it. I want to go home. I can, I wanna go, Jesus, I'm Jesus. I wonder how I'd be now, because I think now, I think at the time I would, I would just white knuckle in anything in an instant, like if was going poorly. I was like, what can I do to, you know what I mean? Good for you. Instead being like, but I think now I would be able to more be like, okay, I think what you're saying, oh, what, what I'm saying is not a gift. It's it's being on stage and lights are on you. And you're like, I think, I think this isn't gonna get any better. We did say like, I think you coming at, I improv from like this, like, I'm just gonna have fun. Yeah. Is the best way to do it. It's the best way. It's so much better than when I was. Actively trying to be the best improviser in the world. It's been so much chiller. I heard that you're really good from multiple people. Yeah, from Olivia, from Grant. From Josh, yeah. Yeah. Those are the three people I know who know you. Yes. Probably others. So my bribes are working. That's nice to hear. That's nice to hear. That's nice to hear. Grant saw me do a good show, which was nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said, he's like, you were like shining. Oh, shuck. You were, you were, you were Ted, you were out in space. Yeah. Well, actually, I was about to say a good improv show. Like when you're in it, like I feel like you're not thinking about it anymore. You're just like, you're like, I'm part of a flow state right now. Yeah. You're like, well, oh, obviously I gotta come out with a come with a call back there. Or like, yeah. Yeah. Feels good. It's just trying to get back to those flow states, you know? Get rid of all the noise. Totally. May we all go to that flow state? May we all, may we all. May we. Oh, Baron, thank you so much for being here. Oh my God. Thanks for having me. What a treat. What a dream. It was great. It was really good. All right. Well. Follow us until next time. Oh yeah. Follow us at SPO pod. Mm-hmm. Follow farrin at oh, um, Fahrenheit 13. Yeah. We'll put it in the notes in the next, we'll put in the notes. Mm-hmm. And until next time, stay sane. Live. Well, we love you. Love you. Bye bye.