WE BACK

Season TWO episode 1!

In this episode, Ari and Olivia catch up on the last few months. We chat about manifestation, making our own art, acting for the love of it, and Ari's magical day.

We're so happy to be back! 

xoxo,

Us

P.S.

SO sorry for the buzzing in the background of this episode- we figured out what was causing it and it won't happen again! Forgive us, we cute :)

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

0:12

Hello. We back, Hey, we back, we back, we back, we back, we back and voted We back. Oh, did you miss us? I missed you. I had approximately three to five people say, Hey, when are you? Do that podcast again? Same, I guess so. Three to five high demand. So 12,000 listeners got 10 requests. Get off our backs. We're back. Okay. Um, uh, no, but seriously, we missed this. I missed this. We missed, I missed this too. I missed it. Ugh. Okay. This is the catch up episode, so you can catch up with us. Yes, Olivia, let's start with you. Okay. Okay. It's been some months, it's been some months, what had been happening in your artistic life. Let's talk about that first. You know. Good. Good. Overall, what has been happening? The answer, not much. Okay. But, but over I say good because, so I've been sick this past mm-hmm. Week. Yeah. Guys, this nasty flu, I'm sure either you or someone you know of has had it. Um, but being back like five auditions from my age, great, great. The commercials, you know? Yeah. Whatever they're. Would I feel like low stakes? Yep. Yeah. In, in, in my heart, Uhhuh. But you know, like there the, the different levels of like, um, excitement, I guess. Yes, yes. Yeah. Where do you stand with self-tapes now? Are you just like, fuck around and find out? Like you just like do whatever you want. I don't care. You know what? I am definitely a little more like that. Yes. Like, I'm also like. It is funny. There's, there's definitely times where I'll revert back to like, wait, can I do it one more time? What? Do you wanna do it one more time? Lemme do it one more time. Mm-hmm. But that's kind of what, especially with commercial auditions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like that is just like, they either like my look or they don't Yes. That's how it feels. Yeah. And I, I can't book a commercial from a tape. I, well, I shouldn't say I can't. Historically, if I'm in the room mm-hmm. I pretty much generally I'll get a call back. Mm-hmm. Most of the time. Yeah. And then get put on Avail a lot and then get dropped from Avail quite a bit. But like tape, I don't know. There's something about tape where they're like, eh, so it does release the pressure 'cause you're like, eh. Yeah. Yeah. And like this last one, I swear, they're like, pretend like you're drinking with friends. So I just stood there. Yeah, exactly. Put, push my hair behind my ears. Classic. But it's like this multi Ooh, yeah. Interesting stuff. Um, so yeah. You know, but I don't know if we talked about this. I, I know I sent it to you, the like, um, 13 wishes. Mm-hmm. Um, before our, as soon as winter solstice happens, you write down 13, um, intentions, wishes, manifestations. However you wanna phrase it. Mm-hmm. Um, which is weird. My, uh, Nu also did this as well. Oh, okay. And it, we did the same thing where we thought it was going to end up where the last one was gonna be on New Year's, but it was like the second. Okay. So I basically cheated and I was like, no, I want the last one to be on New Year's. Yeah. And I was like, you burn one a night. So you do, you write them down. Mm-hmm. I wrote them in a journal. Okay. So that way I. Um, still remembered them. Mm-hmm. And then I wrote them again separately on pieces of paper. And then every night you choose one, you do not look at it. Okay. And you burn it. Okay. Okay. And then the last one is supposed to be, that's your responsibility. What one was your responsibility? I'm so excited. So the one that's my responsibility is I have, I'm creating a piece of art every month. Wow. Okay. Doesn't matter what it is. It doesn't matter what it is. It could be. A drawing. Yep. It could be a writing, it could be a, it could be whatever it is, but once a month creating art. I love that also. I love that because I gave you a job, you did gimme a job the last time we met. Yeah. Which was to create three, but that was more performance pieces. Yes. In a year. Yes. And that was part of it too. And the whole idea is that like you, when you burn it, you're releasing it. Mm-hmm. You're, you know. Putting in the universe's hands more or less where the other one is one to focus on and which is so funny, is one thing I put was like to finally paint like the living room. And I was like, I really hope I don't end up with this one because that's like kind of lame, but I also really do wanna paint my living room. Yeah, okay. I love that. So there were a variety, so I'm really happy with the one that ended 'cause I was like, this feels good. Yeah. Um, I'm so sorry. Um. I didn't do that, but what I did do was me and Philip both, we wrote down one thing that we wanna leave in 2025 and we burned it and we wrote down one thing we wanna keep in 2026. Like bring in. Yeah. And we put that in our toiletry kits. I love that. So special that next to my raise and my flaws, if you think about it. Toiletry kits you need, it's self care. It is it you. It follows you around, follows you around. When you try, you wanna travel more. Yeah. You know, I've heard people like um, will put it in their plan. I, well, I tried to do that when I had, because in the time that we have spent of hard, I had a whole failed other podcast called Magic and Manifestation for Actors. Here's the thing, I realized fans, fans of that podcast, thanks for listening in to my four episodes of that. I realized it, I was trying to get through a hard time I was in without actually getting through it. I was trying to talk about the hard time and like help people get through the hard time. But I was in the hard time. Did it help you at all though? Um, it helped, like just talking it out, did that help? I think it would've helped if I more was talking out. I was more like, Hey, this is a year where, right. I mean, because I like, I, you know, well, well guess to me what was it? But like, yeah, I think it was me trying to fix the problem. Right. So in that way it helped me learn that I do feel uncomfortable sitting in like this, the discomfort of a problem and I want to fix the problem. Right. Which is a natural, yeah. I don't think anyone loves it. Right? Yeah. But I did plant a, a who I wanted to connect with. I planted it. I remember that with some, it never. No, I don't know. No, it was just lemon seeds. So I don't know that we really were thinking it was gonna grow. But Did you germinate them? No, I didn't. Okay. I, I just wrapped my attention around those lemon seed that threw 'em in a pot with some dirt. It's gone now. That's so funny. Is dumped it out at some point and that's why you put toilet kit. Yeah. No one's gonna dump out my toilet. Say my children Maybe, perhaps. But, um, you know what's so funny is like. Well, we'll get into this 'cause I also wanna talk about, I did start how to manifest. Oh, okay. I'm, I'm working on my pillars right now. Okay. I'm doing a wiggle dance because I love this thing. I, this is to be magnetic. I don't know if you guys know this or not, but they're very famous like brand. They have a podcast called Expanded and they have like a whole, I don't know what to call it. Like a way of manifesting, I guess. Yeah. A whole like. Process. Yeah. Yeah. And I gave Olivia the book, which I love the book. Yeah. You're doing your pillars. Um, so pillars, I'm having hard time figure out the words. I feel like I kind of know, but I, I, I think the words have to be specific. Speaking of words, another thing going back into like my art is I, you know, new Year, there's that like resurgence. There's that feeling of like, yeah. Knew me. Yeah. You know, so I've definitely caught that bug. Mm-hmm. I've definitely, that's why when you said, how's your arm, I'm like, good, because like I'm feeling good. Yeah. Because we're in the beginning and Yes. That's how I feel. Um, I like to choose a word for the year. Love that. What was my word last year, as you see? I am, am really holding onto them. What's this here? Um, intentional. Yeah. Good. That's good. Uh, that's very good. Yeah. I, I think things are good. You know, just intentional in the way I spend my time and I, I think that's it. I think that pretty much captures it. Yeah. And trying not to doom scroll. Yes. Going back to that. Yeah. Eating in a way that makes me feel good. Yeah. Moving my body and just like. Yeah. Creating art once. Yeah, once a month. Just things that I know make me happy. Yes. And just getting back to basic, simple basics in some way. It's so simple, isn't it? And then like somehow we always lose it Not weight. Like even the collective we Yeah. Where it's like, okay, if you're eating well, you're sleeping well, you're creating art. Mov me ing You're moving your body, you're probably happy, you know? Yeah, yeah. You have a much greater chance of being happy than if you're not doing all that stuff. Yeah. That's good to remember. Yeah, so intentional. Intentional is, yeah. So I love that. Thank you. Yeah. But feeling good. Um, hoping to take more clown classes this year. I wanna take a, we should take one together. We should. That sounds fun. Oh, sorry to keep on going back and forth. Ping ponging, uh, the how to manifest. Yes. So, so wait, is the pillars the authentic code or no? Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's like four words that basically are your authentic self code. These words that, I mean, yeah, they're the pillars of. Who you are and what you want. Yes. And if you're interested in this, the way that they do it, I mean I'm, yeah, this is just like a snapshot of what it is, but they'll be like, if you were alone for a day, what are like four things you would do? Yeah. And then you write that down and then it's like if you were, I don't know, like how are you spending your, or if you can spend your money. How do you spending your money? And then another one was like going back to your childhood, like what did you love to do? Yes. And all of that. Then you go through and you see like what are the four words that keep coming up? Yeah. So mine, I have it here in case it's interesting, Artistic freedom to act specifically connection via art. Okay. Great. Peace slash creating a home. Mm-hmm. Family in a state of joy. Mm-hmm. And self-care. And then, and then self care. Then it does have you go on and, and then, you know, like it asks you to like specify. So self-care, like includes nature and exercise, TV, time, reading, little, little beautiful things like did you figure anything out yet? So not, I mean, you know what's so funny is I did put performing, yeah. As one of my pillars, but interesting that it's not. Specifically acting? Is it? It's just performing. Performing. And I was, you was actually, this is where, this is where I got kind of like caught is there's a couple of ones live performing where it was like, is it it performing or is it expression? So there was like there, that's why I'm like, I'm still working on 'em. 'cause I feel like the words need to be intentional. Yeah, intentional. Yeah. But, uh, another one I think was for me was like community slash family. Yeah. Slash connections., And then environment was one meaning. I realized, 'cause when, when another one was like, what do you like spend your time doing? Mm-hmm. And it's like, I really like to curate my space. Yes. So I think you're like there in terms of finalizing it. So I feel good. Yeah. So I'm excited to like now move forward. And now the next steps are, um, a minor and a major manifestation. Yes. And, um, the minor manifestations are really specific and like they, they're minor as in like, I really wanna manifest like these certain jeans or whatever. Mm-hmm. Or like these converse or they don't have to be clothing. So something like that. And the major manifestation have to, this is very interesting. Has to be doable within six to eight months. But that the mini manifestations are important because it, it builds your trust on the system. Mm-hmm. Yes. And so I'm really interested to see what comes up. For me. Yeah. And my, my mini manifestations, 'cause I did that. Mm-hmm. One was like a free cappuccino, found a Starbucks gift card in my room that had like $5 on it. Yeah. Pretty much exactly the price of a cappuccino. I wanted these corduroy overalls because the girls got overalls for Christmas from the grandparents. And I was like, and I love overalls. I was like, corduroy overalls. Yeah. And I went to Goodwill. When I went to Goodwill, I found two dresses that I found no corduroy overalls Went home. There's corduroy overalls in my closet that somebody gave to me like fricking years ago. Are you joking me? Are you joking me? It's sitting there being like, ARIIII I'm corduroy and I'm fantastic, but that it's great. I have to fix a button on them, but they're, they're amazing. So yeah, it does. So these things, I mean, really when it come, I mean, I'll tell you about the magical day, but when it comes. You're like, oh my, you just like feel so taken care of. Mm-hmm. And it really does, I think help the trust thing. Yeah, for sure. And I think it's just a cool way to live your life. Yes. Like it's just whether you're trying to build a manifestation technique or whatever. Mm-hmm. I think that's just, just like, I was like, oh I really like this. I know. Yes. Just like what are the little things that you, you want in your life? And see what comes up. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. I also like, 'cause they said after you do the authentic code thing and you have your four things. It helps when, like, something, when an opportunity comes to you, you can be like, does it align with any of my four things? Mm-hmm. And if it doesn't, then the answer is no. Yeah. Which like, I, I tend to struggle with that, where I'm like, oh, but do I, I want to please that person, or I wanna whatever. And it's easier for me to be like, okay, it doesn't fill any of my boxes. So like the answer is no. You know? Yeah. I think it's important. Yeah. Yeah. Um, that's great. I'm so glad you're liking it. So yeah, I'm, I am really enjoying it. I'm like in, I am like fully in the TV VM world. I'm like, I have drank whatever tea or selling and I like it. I like the tea. You know, that's where, and I think it's working. I think it's working. Yeah. I think it's working. I think it's working too. Um, I can't think of any other updates. So I think we switched to you. Okay. Okay. How are you doing? Do you wanna start with your magical day? I think I Should I? Yes,. I will briefly give the context of the magical day and then I will describe the magical day. Okay. Okay. It was a Wednesday afternoon. Just kidding. It might have been a Wednesday, I think it was actually. Oh, it was? I think it was, no, um. Okay, so since we last spoke spies, you know, I had spiraled down with the play and then I was like, I spiraled up, but then I spiraled, I think I just wasn't fully out of the gutter. And then the thing that kind of broke me, I mean, maybe I, maybe we did talk after that because I didn't get that play cried out from my theater company. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And, and then I came up with this, like, I am giving this another year until September. And if this is not coming to me with like flow and ease, by September, I am like not going to act anymore slash I'm gonna take like 10 years off and come back when I'm a different age range. 'cause like I don't wanna be just beating a dead horse and being sad. And also like Fiona at one point was like, I wouldn't wanna be an actor 'cause acting makes you sad. Oh, I know. And I was like, ugh. So that's like a, that you know that Yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah. And like, I don't, I mean, I can't hide my emotions from them, you know, and I don't like try to like, I want them to see me feeling things like, to a certain extent, right? Oh, of course. Yes. I don't have like a nervous breakdown in from them, but like, but yeah, so that was kind of the plan and I decided I'm gonna grow my hair out to a bob length. Me and Olivia are gonna like, have basically same hair. We're have like pretty close now, honestly. Because it felt like something that I just wanted to do that was not serving my career. And I just realized like, like my short platinum hair I loved, but it also was for the career. Yeah. And this feels like not for the career. Yeah. It feels like, yeah, nobody wants me to do it, but I just am like, you know, there's something about the acting world that they just want you to stay exactly the same for as long as possible forever. You know? It's just crazy 'cause like, and I don't think it really matters as much as like it. J does in my mind. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Like my theatrical agent. So, okay. So in the middle of this thing, I wrote a long email that I like, honestly, maybe wish I didn't send to my, to my agent and my manager. And I was like, I am giving this another year and I'm growing my hair out for me and like, I'm just basically gonna be my sparkliest version of myself and just really true to myself for a year. Mm-hmm. And like, see if things change for me in a positive way. And like they didn't respond. And then I talked to, but I then I talked to my manager. I was like, did I kind of ruin that? 'cause Philip was also like, that is not like a good look like that you are like basically kind of being under confident. And then I, all of a sudden I was like, are they gonna drop me anyways? I was like this whole thing. Right In the midst of all that though, he said something which was astute. He, Philip, Philip. He was like, if your plan really is. If this isn't working by September, you're gonna take off 10 years. He was like, after those 10 years, you're not gonna have the same agent that you worked like 15 years to get and you're not gonna have the same manager that these are people that are actually like sending you out for big things that believe in you. Mm-hmm. And I had so many agents along the way who like did nothing. He was like, but you're gonna have to start again from the beginning with reps. And I was like. Oh yeah, I don't wanna do that. Because I think deep down I knew it was never really like gonna be over, you know what I mean? Right. Like I don't think I was ever gonna leave it and be like, and by forever, like I knew it was gonna be like, I'm gonna come back. Right. So he was like, instead of doing that and having to start over, I think you should try to change your mindset about it. Because then like you don't have to leave your agents. You know what I mean? So I kind of was percolating on that. Mm-hmm. Okay. Then I had this magical day. It was a Wednesday. I went, okay. After I made the decision, I said, okay, I'm gonna do it for the love of it. Yeah. I'm gonna really try as best as I can to release any expectation of commercial success, even though that is kind of. In some ways more difficult for me than other people because I had that version of commercial success. Mm-hmm. I was a recurring guest star. I got really close on some big projects and it's really hard once you're there to be like, I may never be on TV again. I may never like, yeah. My therapist is like, you can't expect yourself to not hope for that. The apex of what you're going for is that,, 'cause I was like, how do I remove this want Right. And she was like, you're not gonna be able to see. You just have to make peace with it. You know? I was like, okay. So I'm still working on that. That's a work in progress. Yeah. But I was like, okay. So this became my mantra for the love of it. For the love of it. Kind of the minute I made that decision after not having an audition since the Cry Out audition, like in August, it was like three or four months of, no, not commercially, not theatrically, no auditions, which I do feel like that the universe was like giving me space and time to like mm-hmm. Process this the minute I was like, for the love of it. It was like back to back auditions, commercial audition, play, audition. Yes. They go to TV auditions, guest star. And I go to this commercial audition. That was the first commercial audition I've had since like August. I go and it's three people in the waiting room. It's me and this guy and this woman. And I'm looking at her like, why do I know you? And the reason was because we both were called back for that cried out play that sent me down the rabbit hole and we both didn't get it. Like in the alternate universe, she and I are the two leads of the thing and not the two people who booked the park. Crazy. So I looked at her, I was like, it's goes crying out. That's annoying. She's like, yes. And I was like, that thing tailspin me. And she was like, it tailspin me. Like we had similar experiences to in reaction to this play, which also helped because like in a very basic way, it made me be like, oh, the script was really good. Like, you know what I mean? Like I think sometimes it's easy to take these things as being like. Is this some massive sign to me to quit because like, I was perfect for this role and like I have so much experience about being a mom. You know what I mean? Like, I so much experience with this thing and like, I didn't get it. No. Like what? And I'm so upset. No, it's just, it's a really good script, you know? And like you didn't get to act a really good script. Yeah. And there's not that many really good scripts that are like floating around right now in your world. But anyway, very validating and felt very universe driven. Like I ran into her. What are the freaking. Chances and like, so anyway, that was, that was like the beginning of the magical day. Okay. Then during that magical day, I was having a conversation about TBM, this thing you're doing to be magnetic. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. With. This person who I really respect as like an artist and like have wanted to, had worked with her a couple times and really wanna work with her again in the future. I asked her 'cause she's in the TBM, she does TBM and she was like, she reached out to me in the morning, was like, I think that you should do this work. I think that this work would help you. He was like, I was like, I'm listening to the podcast and like I'm thinking 'cause you can join like the membership and it's like guided meditations and journaling and stuff and like a lot of workshops around like. Like what? Basically this book that you're doing now, like is a workshop in this thing. Okay. So there are others of exploring your inner child and like all your shadow stuff and whatever. So she was like, I think this work would help you. So I, and she was like, if you have any questions, let me know. So I asked her about acting stuff and I was like, should this be on my big manifestation list? Because like. Is it giving me two disjointed things where like part of me is saying, I'm doing this just for the love of it now. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And not the outcome. And another part of this on the manifestation list is saying like, I want to have a role that like, is meaningful that Yeah. Opens the doors to other things are these two things, like in conflict. And she, throughout this whole magical day was like. I think you need to like basically take a step back from acting and was like, and she, she was like, not that you're not great, like you're amazing, but we know it's like not about that. And she was like, I just think it's been on your list for so long and I think you need to step away from it. And she was also like. Yeah. You know, maybe you wanna, you, you actually wanna act as you wanna be seen because you wanna be famous because you wanna be right. And it, and hearing her say it, I was like, oh, it's not that like I needed her to say it. I think like somebody who's like in a position that I feel like is more, I don't wanna say powerful, but like, I feel like she someone You look up to. Somebody I look up to. Yeah. Yeah. To say that for me to be like, it's not for the fame. Yeah. It's not to be seen. It's not for just the art. Just general art. It is this specific art of like acting and connection via the art of acting. Like that's how specific it's for me. And I was talking also throughout this day to my other friend who was like, you know, very kind of like, yeah, you need to, like, your reaction to that says something huge. Like you have to listen to your reaction to what's happening. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So I said to her, we were sending like voice memos back and forth and I sent her voice memo and was just like. You know what? I think I need to say it to you and like to the universe that is like truly for the love of a thing. Like I love the thing, I want to do the thing, and I want to connect with people over that thing, you know? So anyway, I did that, Kay. That night I do the first of the to be magnetic meditations on shadow work. And I do the meditation whenever I finish at like 10 30, open my email and I get called back in. For the show, I think I can say the show for the Pit. Mm-hmm. And I had an audition for the Pit in August, which was right before the cried out thing that I thought the audition went really well, didn't get that part. And then I got called back in for a different part on the show. And also like a year ago I had in a meditation, I had like a vision of me on the show, the Pit, and it was like this whole storyline or whatever. Okay. So like that just felt so much that Marvel and Globe. And just wanna go glow. I mean, amazing show. Yeah. And like that in this self-tape world, it's kinda the only way you know, that they like, like you and like watch your stuff is if they're like, we will call that person back in front the row. Heck yeah. And it's like definitely. I mean I, it's almost not even about ever, I mean, I would love to be on that show, but it's almost not even about that. Yeah. It's like about the universe being. Nodding and being like, it has got to be for the love. And it also made me realize I need to be doing art. I need to be doing the art of acting via connection with people outside of the auditions that I do or do not get. Right. It was like a lot of tests thrown at you that day. Oh my God. And you were just like, you gotta prove to yourself, which I think was the most important part. Yeah. Like that. And it felt probably really reassuring to be reminded that. This thing that you've chosen for yourself is correct. Yes. And that, yeah. Yeah. 'cause like the time. Yeah. It just is like, when those things happen, I'm like, how do people not believe in something greater? Yeah. Because the, the lining up of that, of all of those things seems like truly magical to me. So. Wound up getting a callback for that commercial callback. Went great, got put on a veil, was let go from a veil, which is, I think another test of like, are you gonna respond the same way? Like a couple months ago it was like pinned for a TV show, dropped pit audition, which I thought went really well. Didn't get cried out. Didn't get, and then like, you tailspin, so like, let's just, so that happened, I got a call back for a play, also didn't get it fine. Like I think I'm just in a, I'm trying, I'm trying to stay in this place of like, yeah, it is for the love. And also I'm like working on a side project now. Mm-hmm. Of like. A, I'm really interested in, in sandwiching,, naturalistic dialogue and movement that is like almost dance theatery, but combined together. So I created like a monologue about this and like did it for this thing called the Shakespeare form. Oh, Jake, who was on here. Yes. Um, and it's a great community of people. If you're around on a Tuesday night, you should just come. You can do work, you can not, and it's just like. People just do whatever they want and like people give ideas and then you do it again and work through it. And it felt really nice to feel like very seen. Mm-hmm. You know, and like people seem to really enjoy this thing that just like is a brain, I don't know, thing. Like I just didn't just like come to you one night. You were just like, you woke up and you were like, I know what this is. Yes. I mean, I couldn't sleep. I like wrote the whole thing out, which I don't even know if that that monologue will be like in what the piece ultimately will be. No, but it was the seed. It was, it was the seed. I couldn't sleep the entire night. I like wrote the whole thing out, you know? And I did it for my students that I teach in West Covino. Oh right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were like, yeah, this is something, this is like a new language, you know? So now I'm working, like, as it comes to me, I'm just like working on it, writing the scenes. Now I'm in a place where like I'm finding a group of people to kind of workshop with this with and do like a workshop performance, get some feedback, and I then, I think the ultimate goal will be like, do a friend show, you know, which is like an attainable goal. Yeah. We'll see what happens like after that. So it's been good. I'm in it for the love, I wanna say I'm on the other side. I will continue to just before every single audition or call back. Now this is like, like, you know, the stance thing that you do. Yes. I'm just like, for the love, for the love for the love and, and I'm just like keeping with that mantra of doing it for the love, because I think that's the only way through the thing, you know? So, and just, and just continuing to try to dismantle the idea of like what commercial success is. Mm-hmm. Because we can't control that. We can't. I will say too, I felt two very different ways about this, but I will say overall, I think there is something about creating your own work. Mm-hmm. Um, that can like truly change your life and I think really does like ignite. What I would like to believe is why we are artists. Yes. Right? Yes. Right. It's collaboration, it's discovery, it's all of that. And there's something, I think when I say there's both sides to it, it is like when we did,, absurd person, singular Yeah. That, I, was so happy, like, and, and Graham will say it too, whenever I'm, I'm working on something. Mm-hmm. And, and if it's self. Driven. Yeah. You know, self-produced and all of that are created. Um, there's something extra to it and it, you just, it is indescribable. Mm-hmm. You've, once you've done it yourself, you, you know, you just, you feel there's something so wonderful. And I think the ego part was trying to, not like, but my whole thing was like, but I just wanna be cast. Yeah. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. I don't wanna have to create it. Yes. And I think that is such a. Bad. Negative thing to like, yeah. For me at least, because I think there's something like you're lighting up when you talk about this. Like you said you couldn't sleep. Yeah. Like, yeah, this is what we gotta chase. Yes. We gotta chase this. We gotta chase the thing is the thing. Yeah, a hundred percent. And because like looking back, like whenever people ask like, oh, how'd you like producing? I was like, not my favorite. I think I didn't like it 'cause, 'cause I was so stressed because of all that, but almost like now on the other side, I was like, I was like, I would do it 500 million times more. A hundred percent. Like, and I, it's so funny. Yeah. Once you kind of get over like, 'cause I was like, you, I created that. Yeah. Yeah. There's something about. Choosing our time on earth to create something and share it. Yeah,, it can't be beat. Yeah. And in a way it's like, not only is it the thing we're after, like is the goal Yeah. I know. It's good. I think it's good. It's good for me. 'cause even when I don't get the call, like I didn't get the second part on the pit. Mm-hmm. You know? Right. And we don't know when the pit will come knocking again, you know? But like I can focus. On something else that is like in process and creative stuff. Well, I'm so excited for you. I'm excited for you. So, ugh. I love creating art. Yeah. It's our new phase, our creating phase. Yes, new friends. I'm so glad to be back on photos. Me too. God, me too. I'm so glad. Spies. I'm so glad. Well this has been great. I'm glad we're back. We're gonna have some guests on and talk about stuff. Yes. And I am not gonna get my mindset totally flow, I mean. It actually really needs happen. Yeah, I was gonna say it needed to happen like without all of it. Yeah. And without the crying out. Like we have no, TBM we have no for love is good. Right. That should be for the love of it. Is that, that's, that was what I wrote, that's what I wrote in my toilet kit. I, and I think that's applicable, uh, no matter what you do. Yeah. For the love. For the love. Don't forget about that. Oh, you know what? I think our news, our sign off. What? For the love of it. Oh, I love that. It's just gonna be all, it's gonna be life. Yes. Okay. Until next time. For the of it, for love of it. Yay.