Lisa Marie Lovett Q&A: Dealing With Loss and Developing Compassion For Yourself

On this special episode of Skills & Pills, we pick up a Q&A session from our time with Lisa Marie Lovett. Lisa Marie shares how she dealt with the loss of family members and how we can develop grace and compassion for ourselves. Snuggle up and enjoy this special presentation!

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YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@SeasonedDialogue

Her Book: https://www.seasoneddialogue.com

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Transcript

SPEAKER_08 0:07

We want to bring you guys into space and after sitting here and having the time the talk that we have and the conversation with intentionality, but with a fluid structure surrounding healing, we want to see if it's anything. If it's nothing, it's fine. It's gonna be nothing. But is it anything that you would want to ask that uh could be responded to?

SPEAKER_01 0:33

So my name is Lakia. Um, and my question is was there a personal experience that shaped the voice that you have today? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 0:51

Grief and loss. I um I've lost two parents and a brother, and you look at life differently. Um, you recognize that life is a vapor. And the dash in between, you have to utilize that. And I've seen two people in my life lose their life before 40, my father and my brother. And so when I think about that, it is they didn't live a life fully the way that they envisioned it. It was cut short by health reasons. And so my intention to use my voice is because God said so. And I don't want to be in a position when I take my last breath and have regrets. Because I know that people who who had their early demise have regrets, and I just don't want to live my life that way. And so when God says speak, you do exactly what God says. I don't want that on my heart. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 2:09

My name is Sophia. And as a person who has lost both parents, do you feel that your compassion came after the loss? Or did you have it before?

SPEAKER_05 2:19

Oh, that's a good question. After for sure. After for sure. Definitely. Yeah. Um, I don't think I can put a finger on exactly what it is, but I just know life looks different. You know, when you don't have a um, your parent is all you know from the beginning until they they're no longer there, and you realize you gotta be your support system. You know, you can't make that phone call. You you can't see mama come up on the phone. Um so yeah, I it it definitely came after. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 3:03

I'm just thinking as I'm staring at you. You're a deep thinker. Um my name is Kelby. Um, and I'm in a season where a lot has happened. My my life dramatically changed um suddenly last January. And I'm in a season where I'm wanting to give more compassion and grace to everyone around me, but I'm in a season now where I'm learning, yes, you get compassion and grace to just be too. So I really identified, you said page eight. I opened my book and I had that thing all highlighted. Page eight is a load of it. Oh, that sounds familiar, and then I opened it. Um, so my question would be because you speak about grace and just being and having um kind of patience and compassion for yourself. How I don't even know how to formulate the question really. Do you have advice or tips on how how you would do that or how you did do that for yourself? Because I I have patience for everybody and grace, but I just I'm in a season where I'm like, hey, I get it too, but I don't know how to give it to myself.

SPEAKER_05 4:15

So that's a good question. Um, you know, I've learned that at some point we got to put ourselves first. And it it doesn't saying that out loud feels so selfish. It really does. But you also know that the people around you kind of depend on you to be that person, and it serves them well when you can continuously pour and see that energy that you give to other people, you can also give that to yourself in 10 times because it's a concentration on you. And there will become some stuck seasons where you can't show up, and you will realize on the other end that those people they were in your life because you fed them. That they were um you were the shoulder to lean on, the person, the first person to call. And that's just a part of living and the seasons that we go through. Um, but but how can you be full with other people and be emptying yourself? You know, it's like that don't make sense. And but many of us do it, and we do it fluently. We show up for everybody else, and then when it's our time, we have nothing. So, what I would say is take a step back. You recognize, you already know, you've already said it. You you've called it for what it is. I can be everybody's everything, and I can give compassion, I can be present, but I can't do that for myself. Okay, so this is the time that I'm gonna do it for myself. And regardless of what anybody else feels, I gotta live this life. Yeah, you gotta give that back to you.

SPEAKER_08 5:52

Yeah. I want to come real quick back to a place of comfort. I know we've shared her poems, like we shared it before I've ever talked to her, and being on the other end of it, we talked about it yesterday. What does it feel like to be in a space and hear that piece and be like, are there aha moments? Yeah, or are there we call it insights, or how does it move the space when you're reading that in private? Does it make sense? I like to read this book, like she said. We have the group, but there's portions of it where I'm sitting there by myself and I'm like, Lord, um, thank you. Yeah, because I I don't know if I could have said that for myself. I don't even know if I could champion myself in that way. Do you experience that with the the book and the reading?

SPEAKER_02 6:44

Yeah, I use it as a devotional.

SPEAKER_08 6:47

Wow.

SPEAKER_09 6:48

I mean, I grew up in the church. My my I lost my father when I was 17, but he was a pastor of music. So I grew up in the church and I've read a bazillion whatever devotionals. But I think I texted you and you said you invited me. I got the book, and I said, I actually use it as a devotional.

SPEAKER_05 7:06

Wow.

SPEAKER_09 7:07

Um, and it's honestly more touching and moving because it's so real and raw rather than 10 steps on how I should do my day. Wow. Um, so yeah, I I really identify with the pages of the book. I think I'm I think I got a little past eight, but I'm not quite I didn't need to read eight books.

SPEAKER_07 7:31

I don't want you to think I'm loving it.

SPEAKER_08 7:38

But I think what it boils down to is you get a hold of something, and I don't want to just no, I don't want to be preaching, but I gotta come from where I live. I just don't, you know, I just be not just here if it's a word or do it as work. I want to read it. Yeah, but I I want it to actually penetrate me in a way or speak to me in a way that I can see a shift that I'm literally. That's right. The whole theme is self-love. That okay, now I read that, I can move on to the next one. That's right. But I realized while I was reading this one, yeah, that I'm not loving myself rightly. So, what does it look like for me to say, okay, right? Let me just let sit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 8:22

And I like how you said that when you're like, it's not like this list of to-dos, because sometimes, like, also being raised that way, I've done a million devotionals as well. And it's like, you know, I'm not coming for y'all. Don't come for me. Be kind of, but you know what I mean? Like opening a book and being like, I wanna, I want to feel better, I wanna be better, I want to see change in my life, and then it's this list of to-dos. It's like I got plenty to do, I gotta go to work, I gotta do all the things, right? And so I I I wasn't anticipating that when I opened it. Yeah, I was anticipating kind of like you said, like, you know, this is a poem, you know. Like you said, roses are red, mass are blue, you know, and then I got to like page two. I was like, oh, like I'm gonna actually have that. Like, I was like, let me get my journal out. Yeah, because now I'm thinking, and you had me thinking and reflecting and and really doing a deeper, I think a deeper dive into oh, actually, I didn't even know I needed that. But when I read it, I was like, Yeah, I do need that, or to even put you in a posture of prayer, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 9:23

That's what shocked me.

SPEAKER_09 9:27

I don't know why, like I cry when I read it because it's like it's like she's talking to me. Come on, like someone's called me baby because I'm always one being like, hey baby, how can I help you? What can I do for you? But it's like a grown woman at 40. I'm like, she called me baby, and it like felt like a hug, like a yeah, it's kind of like all right, gun down. Right, like we can like really unpack some stuff here. So um, it's beautiful, the writing, and it really does, you know, everyone has different moments in life, but my specific moment, it's been it's like a breath. So I do appreciate you putting your God-given talent and using it and being vulnerable. The vulnerability is why it it hits so deep.

SPEAKER_06 10:09

Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 10:10

Because if she can be that vulnerable and you know, can I then and then you have this one? We gotta stop, but you have all the things you have uh maestro in the room. You have anything or have nothing yet?

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Yeah, hello, my name is Andre. Um, so one of the things that I've struggled with, I'm blessed to still have both of my parents, but I have a fear of not um making them proud before their time comes. Uh, and so on the subject of grace, um where do you draw or your perspective on where you draw the line in the sand between giving yourself grace, but also having accountability to be able to fulfill that, right? To fulfill, make seeing your parents smile and make it having that that that self-fulfillment in yourself, knowing that you accomplished and you you you you made them smile. You did what you were supposed to do, you fulfilled your purpose here on earth that God put you here for. Um, but also uh having that level of of grace where it's like, okay, I know I'm not there yet.

SPEAKER_05 11:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Right? And so what's your perspective on that?

SPEAKER_05 11:20

What did your parents say that made you feel like you you, you know what I'm saying? Like, because I think that there are certain things that we tell ourselves that perhaps our parents aren't even telling us, right? Because you get to a certain point and it's like your parents clapping for you.

SPEAKER_03 11:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:37

And there is a certain measure that we give ourselves, but we believe somebody else don't think that we have achieved these certain things. So that's where the grace comes in. But now the accountability is for yourself.

unknown 11:49

Right.

SPEAKER_05 11:49

Maybe perhaps I hadn't hit that goal, but what am I going to do to hit that goal? Because that's a you thing, not a parent thing. Your parents don't live their life. You you have to live for you. So have your parents said you ain't hit this market, or is that something that you are you're telling yourself that my parents at this level of where I am, my parents ain't gonna be proud of me. Because it's the language sometimes we tell our, you know, we say things to ourselves. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Yeah, I mean, I think it's honestly the complete opposite. They told me that the problem that, you know, that I'm doing the thing for it's just it's just a you thing. I mean, I could do more.

SPEAKER_05 12:26

Yeah, and we can all do more. We're gonna always have that, we're gonna always have that conversation with ourselves. But again, the accountability comes in. If you feel like you're not to the place that you need to be, then that's what you need to work on. Your parents ain't got nothing to do with that, baby. They they they are proud of you, they they're proud of you, yeah. And your parents will tell you. Now, if it's something that you ain't doing, of course they're gonna get on you and you you do what you need to do, but most times, baby, parents just want you to be safe, you know, they want you to be happy, whole, and your parents ain't tell you nothing, that's just you.

SPEAKER_00 13:04

Thank you.

SPEAKER_08 13:06

They're more than proud. Thank you. You're welcome. We want to thank you. Thank you. We want to thank you. One thing you said that that sits with me. You uh when we had our first uh uh Zoom call, you kind of looked, and you said, I think I'm supposed to be in space with you, and so um let me bat so we don't do that. But what I want to say is thank you for being exam an example to us of the way the Lord sees us, right? There's one thing to be accepted in spaces by people, there's another thing for someone to walk in your space and make you feel acceptable that is different, and so I appreciate you listening to the Lord and coming and answering and telling us not in what you have said, even, but in just who you are, yeah, who God is a kiss, I call it a God kiss. And he says, This is this is more than you bargain for. Goodness. And you're more than you top. This is who I say you are, and you are a deservant of a yes.

SPEAKER_05 14:28

I want to leave you with this for the both of y'all. Don't do it. Come on, okay, my bad. Okay, I'm gonna do it anyway. You know, y'all have a spirit, you know your people by the spirit, the fruit of the spirit. And so my yes was my yes because there is a spirit between the both of y'all. And this is how we need to move through life. When we identify certain people who we need to be in relationship with, I gotta feel you first.

SPEAKER_03 15:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:06

And when my soul feels at ease, that's when I know these are my people.

SPEAKER_03 15:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:11

And so you're gonna find some people that ain't gonna be your people, and that's okay. You ain't bad, they ain't bad. It's just y'all ain't meshing. But what I want to tell the both of y'all is to see a mother-daughter team and the love that y'all have for each other, and even in conversation, sometimes I forget that y'all are actually mother, like mother and daughter.

SPEAKER_06 15:33

Y'all so professional. That's what I told her. I said, You spent my whole life telling me I'm not your little friend, and look at you. And friends.

SPEAKER_05 15:40

But um, but I also want to tell you, too, as being a mother, I can tell by just meeting your daughter and also you talking about your other daughters. What you did was powerful in raising your children, and it came from the head all the way down. And so your y'all's spirit is just beautiful. And I, baby, this thing's gonna be good.

SPEAKER_08 16:06

It's gonna be good.

SPEAKER_05 16:07

It's gonna be good. God is blessing this, absolutely, through and through. And so, thank y'all for for having me. I feel I'm just excited.

SPEAKER_08 16:15

I'm excited. I'm excited for you to be here too. God says so. Yes, I love it. We uh little Moana Games curated as well. Come on, Moana. You can go say your East of Speech.

SPEAKER_02 16:28

I love it. I love it.