How to Reflect, Reset, and Stop Feeling Stuck

Healing isn’t a one-time event. It’s a continual journey. Too often, we put pressure on ourselves to “arrive” at healing quickly, as if it’s something we achieve once and never revisit. But real healing is ongoing. It requires patience, intention, and a willingness to grow through every season. On this episode, we’re seeking to normalize the healing journey so that we can become the best versions of ourselves! 

Part of normalizing the healing journey is committing to the practice of reflecting, retooling, and resetting. Reflection creates space—space to slow down, assess where you are, and honestly evaluate your emotions, intentions, thoughts, and behaviors. This isn’t something that happens accidentally; it’s an intentional discipline. Taking time, even in your spare moments, to check in with yourself is key to growth.

In that reflection, it’s important to give yourself both grace and space. Grace to not have it all figured out, and space to process without judgment. This is where self-awareness is developed—where you begin to understand how you respond to life, not just when things are going well, but especially when they’re not.

Because life comes with ebbs and flows. Unexpected moments will come. Emotions will shift. Circumstances will change. The question isn’t if these shifts will happen—it’s how you respond when they do.

Healing is learning how to navigate those shifts. It’s learning how to stay grounded in the middle of uncertainty, how to respond instead of react, and how to continue showing up for yourself, even on the hard days.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

If you don't work the work, the work will work you. There's something to be said for your commitment to enter, to manage, and to move through a healing journey. Can we normalize healing? Can we normalize growth? Where are you? Knowing where you are, knowing what you need to do, to reflect, to reset, and to retool is so important.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

I think today we're gonna talk a little bit more. We talked a little bit in the last episode about resetting, retooling, and reflecting. And I think I got those out of order. Is it reflect, reset, and retool? Yeah. There you go. There you have it. But I feel like we had talked about it a little bit, but we wanted to spend a little bit more time kind of opening up um that conversation and also talking about it from the perspective of resilience and and what it looks like to build that resilience over time. Um and so I'm excited to talk about it today.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Absolutely. I I I believe that uh throughout our day, and if it's something that you don't normally practice, like we will go through our days because of the pace of the day, not even considering mindfulness, if you will. Well, where am I in this present moment?

SPEAKER_02 1:37

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

Like, what am I to be attuned to or what is immediate? In our field, we call it immediacy. So I may start the day with a list of things that I want to do, uh, but you have to take into account that you have no control sometimes over who or what you will encounter.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

And so since you have no control over who and what you're uh will encounter, it is kind of beneficial, if you will, to have reflective moments throughout the day, to look at your plate and say, Okay, I need to reset this. We use the plate analogy, I love that. We might have used it before, but to get down into it a little bit more, let's just look at what each one of them is. Reflecting means how is it going?

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Let's just keep it simple. Um, how am I feeling? Right? What am I thinking? And ultimately, what do I believe? Right. Because if you go into just like basic CBT, it is really not your thought life totally that drives you. It is what belief systems your thought life produces. And so that's why all a lot of times we will start there. We will start a lot of people say stink in, think in. Yeah. Right. And for us, we often say we'll start uh from a checkup from the neck up. Like you're a nurse, right? Right. And I know you do all eight systems, but you're also a psychiatric nurse practitioner. So as a nurse, you're looking at how all the systems are working.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

But when you just isolate yourself into your certified competency as a nurse practitioner, that is where that checkup from the neck up comes. I'm just gonna isolate these systems just to how you're living, loving, working well. You'll hear us say that over and over and over because every day brings a new opportunity to reflect. Right. Right? Yeah, and I think it it starts off as a smaller practice or a larger, I should say a more overarching practice.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

If it's not something you do regularly, you probably have to write it in a journal. I'm gonna sit down Tuesday and I'm gonna reflect. Or when the week starts, right? I'm gonna sit down Monday, but you'll do it enough that it'll become second nature. So uh to be honest about it, there's a piece of my brain that is always kind of in the backdrop, reflecting in the moment, retooling, call it real-time reflection. Real time reflects I love that, right? So just the benefits of having that on board. Why? Because people are walking up to you at the grocery store at different places. I had, you know, I just use the grocery store because that I'm a mom. And so a lot of my analogies outside of being a profession, a professional comes from being a mom. So what do we have in place? What tool do we have in place, or what mindset do we have in place to constantly be ready to re refresh, if you will, or constantly be ready to um pivot, make changes, shift, whatever the word is you want to use, how do you roll with it? How do you ride the ebbs and flows of the day?

SPEAKER_02 5:22

I like how you said that the ebbs and flows of the day, because I feel like, you know, we usually get out of the bed and we have an intention set. We got our calendar, we've got our daytimer, we've got all these things, all of these alarms, these reminders that are supposed to set our intention and how we move through the day. But then life kind of like happens, right? Like I set out to do something and then my daughter had an accident at school. Now I gotta stop and I gotta go up to the school. Or I started to do something and my doctor calls with lab results that I wasn't expecting. Um, or I get some news that I wasn't expecting, right? And so immediately, I love how you use the term, and I want to maybe go back there and talk about a little more about that immediacy. Okay. Um, because there's times in life, we talked a lot with re um flecting, um, resetting and retooling. We've talked a lot about what do I upload and what do I offload onto my plate. And recently we've been talking about this a lot. We go live on um TikTok every day at 3 p.m. Monday through Friday, and so we have a group of people that come and show up, and when they show up, we've been talking about this a lot in that group, but haven't talked about it a lot here. Um and something that's been constantly coming up is how many hats people are wearing. I'm wearing a lot of hats, and I think it's really easy for us when we talk about work-life balance and we talk about things like that in your healing journey, or when you're just trying to do any level of emotional healing, self-care to say, just take things off your plate. But there's sometimes I cannot take things off my plate. I cannot in this season stop being a mom or not show up to my workplace meaningfully, or not show up in my real not if I want to keep my job or keep my relationship, or if I want to um can continue to progress forward and I want to continue to have growth and and experience any level of emotional healing, any level of just development, I've gotta show up. Yes, I've gotta show up. And sometimes that means pivoting when I hit those real-time moments where life just pivots on me.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

Yeah, you know, I I used to uh sit with somebody and uh sit under somebody in leadership, and he would say shifts, S-H-I-F-T-S happen. Shifts just happen in life. And so it is not a lot of times I believe that we get really hard on ourselves because we feel like if every situation you find yourself in, you didn't create. Now, granted, there are some that I kind of conjured up, you know, in my uh lack of insight and my lack of self-awareness. My 20s, let's just go ahead and fold that up in an unsealed file and let it be where it is. Why? Because I really didn't have, and that that's one of the things that I believe brings the why to why um we do what we do, the why to the why. But it it gives significance to the why of what we do, what we do, and you have to ask yourself, are you constantly gonna be talking about healing journey? And damn, right? Because the world is constantly, like you said, we're being engaged, you know, by it, and just being able to hold space and create a place that we understand the ing of it all, right? Healing journey, healing journey, right? Right. Why why am I emphasizing that so hard? Because ing means it says something goes on, right? It's continual. Does that make sense? So I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. It took, I may have lived in that way of thinking, whatever that maladaptive or whatever that not helpful way of thinking and living for decades. Right. And then I put all this pressure on myself to hear one intervention or one step or one thing, and I expect myself, and a lot of times people expect us, right, to just move on, okay? You heard it for square breathing, box breathing, you're healed.

SPEAKER_02 9:44

Right. No, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

Like I have been, let's go back to my 20s. I have been reckless in my 20s. I have been reckless with my responses and reactive. We're gonna do it for the people, right? Reactive in my responses for decades. Right. Was I a bad person? No. You know, was I did I mean uh harm? No. But like you say a lot of times, one thing you said that stuck with me is um that lack of intent does not negate harm. Right. Lack of intent doesn't negate harm. So sometimes it's just about reflecting, remember, reflecting, resetting, retooling. Right. It's about having a constant reel of reflection going on in your head. So if I set out and I'm going to the post office, I'm going to the grocery store, and then I'm going to meet my friend for brunch, there's gonna be opportunities for me to reflect on my thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors every step of the way.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

And you know, one thing that I like about that is before I got into clinical practice, like but when I was just in school and stuff, I'd be like, Listen, the research says you need to go to therapy and you need to do this, this, and this, right? It wasn't until I actually sat in a seat across from a real person who was really living life, and I would say, I recommend you go to therapy. And they look at me and say, When?

unknown 11:27

Why?

SPEAKER_02 11:28

When do I have time? Look at all of this that's happening in my life. When do I have time for a full hour in the week? Or when somebody looked at me and says, I can't afford it. I have health insurance and I can't afford it. And so that was very, very sobering for me as a newer provider. You know, you're like bright eye bush, yeah. You're like, I'm gonna help people. And you sit down in front of them like, oh, there are barriers here, very real barriers. Um, that I can't just go out and be like, I suggest that you just deep breathe. You know what I'm saying? Like, and don't get me wrong, there's absolute evidence and research for deep breathing. We're full supporters of deep breathing here. Oh, they can help you to regulate your nervous system, help you nervous system regulation, is is that's where it's at, and we're gonna get into, we're gonna have a whole segment on that. But um deep breathing, it's so necessary. But there was a a moment where I realized am I being a responsible mental health provider, um, especially from a Christian-based perspective, if I'm listening to somebody with the weight of the world on their shoulders and just giving them just go to therapy, figure it out, figure out how to find an hour in your and you can't take these hats off.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

So I had to start eventually getting a little creative, right? And when you said the immediacy, I was like, yes. Yeah. Because sometimes I'm in a season in life where I have access, that's a whole nother conversation about whether we have access financially through insurance or other means to have access to the therapy and the help that we need there, whether I have the insight to get there, right? Um, but and what other barriers are out there, right? That are preventing me from being able to do that. But when I think about somebody who is working, uh a woman that's working, serving faithfully in her church, trying to be a good helpmate to her husband or partner, trying to show up for her kids. And don't let one of those kids have any other type of special needs, any other services, any other health. We're talking about life is very real. And we talked about that a few episodes ago, about how much we carry and how much people are out here struggling from thing to thing. And so I think when we talk about self-care, work-life balance, when we when we talk about these things, we can't ignore the fact that it's not always people just making irresponsible decisions with their lives. Yeah. And that sometimes they are called, if they're caregivers, they're called to give out certain things that they cannot offload off their plate. And I think as mental health professionals, as Christian mental health professionals that focus on faith-based therapy and interventions, it's so important for us to have that very real conversation of like, we want to give you some tips and tools, mental health tips and things that you can do in real time and as a bridge. We want you to go to therapy if you need it, but as a bridge, we want to also give you some tips and tools that can help you to navigate life's very real, real-time stressors. So a little bit ago, when we were in one of our lives, we started to talk about the power of the pause. Um, and I love that as a reflective tool. Can you talk a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_00 14:49

I love that. I had not even uh put together, and you actually called it a holy pause. And I thought in a moment, I said, um, not that it it has to be holy can mean different things, because holy in my mind would come out of a Judeo Christian sector, right? But then um we had another individual that kind of uh do you call it stitching a real? Yeah, like stitches to show she's she stitched it, and but she was in a yoga pause and pose or whatever like that. And so one thing I am going to be intentional about. I've always been intentional about it, but I don't think I've been as vocal about it, especially when it comes to faith-based therapy, right? I had not been vocal about uh saying let people choose, allow them to choose what the pause looks like for them. Because I can honestly tell you, like if I'm just gonna do it. I'm just gonna lean into it. Some conversations are difficult, and so the difficult conversation is um at my ripe age, my nice age, um, I'm aware that there was a time that the faith-based community didn't even lean into therapy.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:09

That wasn't a thing. Like I lived through that period, so there's nothing that brings me more joy to know that there is even a concept of faith-based therapy, and you literally can be in a faith-based community now and not be ostracized because of the fact that you need support, and therapy is the way that you choose that support. Right. I don't know how excited to be. There was a, and I know if there's again, I'm gonna age myself, but I know a time that as therapists we would hide in the faith base.

SPEAKER_02 16:55

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

Because we're like, we don't want to be, you know, the the topic of this is hard conversation, but I don't want to be the topic of a of a sermon series because I chose therapy as part of someone's healing journey.

SPEAKER_02 17:14

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 17:16

So I think it came with a lot of shame. It did. And it came with a lot of guilt for people. And I actually was talking to somebody in our comments recently who had said, you know, I actually go to church online because I have severe mental health issues that I still, even with all the growth that we've had in church, cannot comfortably disclose within the church body without feeling some shame and guilt or like I'm gonna be judged for these things. And so it we've made so much progress with face-face therapy. Yeah. Um, and we've made so much progress um with Christian mental health. Um comments like that let me know that there's still some work to be done, which is what we're sitting here doing, is saying we want to build bridges, not promote barriers. We want to allow that again, we want to build bridges, not promote barriers.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

I love that.

SPEAKER_02 18:11

I I I think we we have to have partnership, right? Right. Um we know that, especially um listen, I can only speak from the the the the research base that I know about, so I don't know all the statistics for other populations, but I know for the black community specifically, the church is the first line of defense.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

Correct.

SPEAKER_02 18:27

It is the first place we go when we experience suffering and hardship and struggles. So, how important is it when we experience those things, if those things are really stemming from a place of growth that we need on our healing journey, or if we just need some emotional healing, um, or maybe we're having have a mental health condition that isn't quite being managed yet, how important is it for us to be partnering with those communities? Yes. And saying this is a partnership where we're coming to the table to teach people. Now, in this space, we can only teach you so much. Right. So we're teaching you some mental health tips and we're teaching you the ability to cope and to build resilience. Um and kind of like we said today, we're talking a little bit about reflection. So we're just uh gonna give some quick tips at the end about how to reflect in real time. But I think um, you know, ultimately, one of our ultimate goals with this platform and this space is to continue to have conversations about why it is so important for us to allow people to have their humanity. We talked a few episodes ago about that, about um how we carry things and how we carry the load and how important it is for us to co-labor and to share our burdens with others. Um and that happens in the church, that happens in your community organizations, maybe at the food kitchen or anywhere else that you serve. Um, that can happen at schools, you know, it can happen. Mental health is something, and mental health support is something I believe this is an opinion. It's not fact.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

But I believe it's an opinion or if it's fact. Let's see.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

But I believe that mental health support should be embedded in every institution that we have on every level. On every level.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

I love that because I'm a researcher, right? And so say that again.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

I believe that mental health support should be embedded in every organization on every level. I'm talking schools, I'm talking the government, I'm talking your job, I'm talking, you know, your local soccer alliance. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Knowing me the way you know me, what does that make me want to do?

SPEAKER_02 20:29

Makes you want to look for the gap in research.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

I want to look for the gap in research. I want to see if there is one. Right. Because there could be research that says that it is. And what is the balance of that? This is what I love about what we're purposed to do. And I do say purpose. Yeah. Right? And so we're purpose pushers. We always say that. I want to push someone's purpose uh nine times out of ten. In our professions, right, we're often sat with leaders that are kind of not just a healing journey, but just on a path of growth.

SPEAKER_02 21:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Right? A path of growth, a path of development, a hundred percent. Because uh, as a professor, I sit with by the time uh students come into their master's level, there's this is what they're saying. The master's level in clinical mental health counseling says, I want to be a leader in this field. Does that make sense? Yeah, and so because of that, what we do here, it it is just really just to make space and to make room and to bid bridge a gap. What institutions are engaged in mental health? You know, what institution there's institutions that have it but don't dynamically engage it. Right. Does that make sense? Yeah. Like you can uh uh okay, I'm gonna do it for the people. I'm working on My health and my domains of wellness, I have a juicer. I have an accountability buddy that asks me to break out my juicer. I have not engaged my juicer.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

Right. Does that make sense? That's a good example.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

You know, so when you talk about that, I I don't just believe, yes, I believe every institution should have it. But I I'm curious how many have it that don't like extra. Where is you have something that you say uh symbiotic is what you say, or is superficial relationship. Like you have the mental health there, but it's a superficial, you just have to check the box.

SPEAKER_02 22:36

We check in the box. We say we got mental. That's kind of how I feel a little bit about EAP, like occupational. I'm not coming for y'all. Yeah, but I'm not coming for y'all.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Put a bit of know who's gonna be listening. Don't come in the comments. On this, on this virtual journey, they will come for you.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

They will come and let you know to be like, I disagree. Okay, well, I'm so excited. But I I think that's like something that um is supposed to be built in for people as a help, but sometimes can be, you know, like you said, not meaningful. But when I think about, you know, what we were talking about a little bit earlier with reflection, now we've considered all of that. We went down a little rabbit hole on mental health barriers, um, which was important to have.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

That kind of qualitative research is what it all is. It's is is what do they call it? A hermeneutic circle. Right. That means I'm gonna keep working around. And that's important to say because if um we have to keep bringing it to the front.

SPEAKER_02 23:37

Yeah, we have to bring it because talking about it.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

And I and this is the thing I love about I believe we said the world wide web the other day, because that's what it used to be. It wasn't the internet, it was called the World Wide Web. But I believe um social media sometimes is just dubbed as so evil or so all these other things, and it can be not so kindplace, but from a strengths perspective, from a positive, my glass is half full, right? More often than not, right? So when I see something, I have a tendency to see the optimistic side of it. And so when uh we're thinking social, it gives the opportunity. You're like, how many um how many institutions have a superficial relationship? Uh it it brings to bear that how many people can hear our voice.

SPEAKER_02 24:33

Right. And so and get those mental health tips that they look at the access, like the mental health tips that they need. Uh, we've had some people, and we always tell people, listen, we cannot provide therapy services to you, right, through the internet. This is psychoeducational, right? Right. So we're just providing some a little bit of education here and there. But how many people have told us, like, I needed to hear that today? Or you just hit the nail on right on the head, and sometimes opening up those insights to say, okay, maybe we need to go to therapy, or maybe we need to start medications, or maybe you just need to identify some supports in your support networks, both for emergencies and just for life in general. And so I think it allows us to do that. And even with the reflection space, right? How many places can you go now where you can find some quick tips on how to regulate your nervous system, on how to manage your anxiety, or or to identify if you have ADHD. Now, some people be out here diagnosing, so don't diagnose yourself. If you think you got it, go get go get a professional opinion. But I think it makes a good point to say, listen, social media is not all bad when we talk about mental health, that there's the ability to share meaningful mental health tips, including things like how do you reflect on whether or not you need the help, um, how do you do real-time immediate reflection. And I want to just pause there for a second and talk and kind of circle back to that. But I think with reflection, um, we can get into like we don't want you to ruminate. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

Thank you for bringing it up.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

We're not ruminating, and what I mean by ruminating is we're grabbing onto a thought or a spiritual failing or something that's going on in our life and we're playing it in loop. That's not what we're doing. We're improving, not proving. Okay. So on our healing journey, we want you to reflect, meaning, I want you to mindfully and intentionally consider the things that are going well, the things that aren't going well, and what you need. But I don't want you to sit in a spot of nothing is working for me. If you find yourself saying things like that, then we're not reflecting, we're ruminating.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:37

Right?

SPEAKER_00 26:38

Or if you're uh keep bringing yourself back, whatever that failure is, right? And we often say we have something we say that we fail forward. Yeah. And I get it. People like, we don't fail at all. Michael Jordan did. Why did I pull him? Because I think he's the GOAT. And I I saw something one time it said how many thousands of you know, layups or free throws he did before he even landed.

SPEAKER_02 27:04

You know, he didn't make his high school basketball team.

SPEAKER_00 27:06

Right. Isn't that crazy? Right. And so I I I believe some of the most successful uh people or more successful people are the people that bounce back resilience. We're gonna get into that as we go forward, but the people that acknowledge that part of success is failure. Right.

SPEAKER_02 27:26

Like some of us don't even start if we're honest because we're afraid to fail.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

We're afraid to fail, right? And now I do get a switch in perspective uh perspective from a strength perspective that says failure can be will now. Let me speak for me. I can only speak for me. Failure will be beneficial for me.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

Right.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

So that's why I say every day, even on my worst day, it's a good day. Right. How the audacity, right? But the reason why I can say that is because I become painfully aware. Is it painful? Yeah, because sometimes that stuff is painful. Painfully aware that certain things I don't learn, right? Why did I do that? Why did I make that motion? Because I'm a mom of five. And I do know when you have something new and something is being birthed in you, there is a point you get to for all my women, real quick. We not I don't want to give you any flashback, but there's a part where that thing crowns or that thing needs a push, right? Or comes to a space where it's gonna sit and only a push from you. Just or a push from a support network is gonna get it where it's going or cause it to come into flourishing. So uh having making space and grace, we often say, where is the space and grace uh to have grace and mercy for yourself as you walk through these things and not see failure as an indictment and not want to breathe the word failure. I want to be keenly mindful in my time of failure because I don't want to repeat that.

SPEAKER_02 29:18

Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:19

So I if I'm like, I'll never fail, and then you fail, and then you're suppressing, then I'm over there, you know what I mean, acting like it didn't happen, getting up, just get back on the horse. Well, if I got up on the horse on the left side and the horse bucked me, um maybe I'll try getting on it from the right side and see, you know, because some that why is that analogy to me? Why did that even come to my head? I think because I have control of me. I don't have control over the horse. I need to build trust with the horse. Sometimes you need to build trust in life, trust in the process, and certain things just come with living.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

Like I used to listen to older people, and I'd be like, Lady, did you just say that in this customer service line? Did you just wheel your opinion flat like that and walk off? But now I'm older. And so I'm new. I know she's walking through life saying, if no one else tells you today, be kind to yourself. Right. I have been in spaces like that, and I'm like, oh, oh man, I'm running late. You know, I can never get this. And there'd be this older person that passed by me and said, Be kind to yourself. I remember her.

SPEAKER_02 30:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:33

But I mean, it was years ago. Don't know the lady's name. Never saw her, never saw her again, but it's the way she said it. Right. So in this space, let's be clear. In this space, there's uh the desire, one of the uh aims or the major aims is to first of all open the conversation.

SPEAKER_02 30:54

Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

Second of all, open insight and invite to self-awareness. So there will be, I had to come to terms with that because even though we're behavior health professionals, we sit with people in some of the worst times. And you, yes, you want to get to the interventions, right? Yes, I want to tell you A, B, C, D, 1, 2, 3, but I can do that. But if your insights not open, if your self-awareness is not ticking, right, then uh that is going to land flat.

SPEAKER_02 31:30

Right.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

Or it'll sit with you. Yeah. I'm not saying it's gonna be for naught. Uh, it may sit with you, and 10 years later, you go, oh, that's what that lady meant. You know?

unknown 31:40

Right.

SPEAKER_00 31:41

But I want you to know now, I want it to be more immediate for you. And so um, we're not linear people, we're interdependent, and then plus we're neurospicy, so it kind of moves around the room. So those people that are linear, and you need to hear it in a list, here it is. Okay, we work on the backdrop of the eight domains of wellness. Okay, also there's a feeling wheel spinning. We'll talk more about those things, and we look at constant, ready, automatic, if you will. We want to get to the point that there's automatic reflection. What's going on? What am I doing? What's working, what's not, how do I shift when shifts happen, right? And so we are looking at that, and then we're looking at the resetting. Just visualize a plate, because most of us use plates, right? Some form of plate. So imagine your life being on a plate. I've seen pies, but I like plates more for this. Because I can move things around. Pies are sectioned off and sliced. I don't want you to section off and slice yourself. I want you to be able to put your life, your occupation, your social life, your relational life on a plate and make and move it like you want. You want to touch, you don't want to touch. Some people, you know, we had that conversation. You want your food to touch, you don't. Do you want your life to overlap? Where is it healthy for it to lap? It is healthy for me, and I I life designed it like that. I have five children. So sometimes my social life was watching teletubbies. Like that's all that was the only time for oh, so I would go get my other friend with four children. We come together, we make snacks, and we sit with the kids and watch title tubbies. You need social interaction, but constantly having that resetting of your life in the occupational, social, and relational realms to be able to live, like you always say, within your capacity. Right. Knowing what that capacity is. And then once you reset it, look at it. You ever had any of those uh paper plates? Don't get the cheaper ones at the barbecue. Like I had to grow up and stop buying the ones. Yes, you get 500 of them, but there's a reason why you get 500. Just go ahead and buy the pack of 50 because they're gonna be more sturdy.

SPEAKER_02 34:10

Right.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

Right? So sometimes because you have a quantity of things or a quantity of something, doesn't make it solid.

SPEAKER_02 34:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00 34:17

So bringing it down into bite-sized uh places and say, okay, my plate is reset. Now uploading and offloading, that is the retooling.

SPEAKER_02 34:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 34:28

Does that make sense? So I just wanted to clarify those three things for people that think more linear, because we'll be we'll be over there. It works for our brain and for our neurospicy people.

SPEAKER_02 34:39

Join us. And we'll kind of rest in these lenses. You'll hear us talk about the reflecting, resetting, retooling a lot, but we'll talk about different topics that kind of fit in there. And I think it like you mentioned capacity, it all kind of goes into that capacity management, right? I don't have like we talked about on the previous episode, I don't have infinite capacity, right? There are limits. I'm a person, and I can't be all places doing all things for all people. Right. I think sometimes we take that scripture, be all things, all people, and we twist it a little funky. He didn't mean that. He didn't now you burnt out and have compassion fatigue because you're being all things everywhere to all folks, right? We we hear that a lot when we're on our socials on our live where people are like, I'm a heavy poorer, I'm somebody who pours out a lot and nobody's pouring into me. I give a lot, and so then it ends up being kind of like this situation where they're depleted, burnt out, and and experiencing compassion fatigue. So we want to avoid that. We want to still allow you to have the ability to do all the altruism that you want to do to help people, to care well for people, but do it within the context of your capacity, what's on your plate. Sometimes I've got to say no to myself. I actually I have a harder time saying no to myself than I have saying to other people. Wow. Right? So, you know, I and I think people that are are very giving in our faith, and in Christian mental health and faith-based therapies, we run into a lot of Christian women that are that way. It is a part of our it's a tenet of our faith to give. Right? Give and it shall be given unto you, right? Like we're very a giving people, and so because of that, we don't put limits on ourselves when we're in out of season. Because sometimes it's a season for you to have a seat.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

Several seats.

SPEAKER_02 36:15

Several. So I think we're probably I feel my probably, but I wanted to say one more thing before we did that. Okay. But I wanted to say that when you were talking earlier, I could sense that when we were talking about not stopping and and keep going, um, reflecting versus rumination, and one thing you said, I'm learning, you know, you had a birthday recently, um, and you are older and wiser. In my ripe old age. In your ripe old age, you've learned a lot. And I was thinking, okay, what have I learned? Well, you know, I'm not I'm about half of your age. Yeah, I didn't mean it like that, but that's how it came out. So we gotta keep it like that. Um it's out there now. But I'm your daughter, so that that makes sense. But um even though I haven't learned as much as you have, yeah, I have gotten a little bit of life experience behind me. I'm getting closer and closer to the other side. Absolutely. Right? And so that was a good thing. I was on the city. I was on crazy. And listen, actually, as I'm aging, I'm like, this is nice. Because I'm not as bonehead as I used to be. Like, I'm not making the mistakes like I used to. Like, I got a little wisdom under my belt, then knock my head a few times, gotten humbled, life humbled me. And so it I'm finding that actually because I I used to be so afraid. Like as I was approaching 30 people, like, now my back do hurt and my knees do hurt. They do hurt. I don't know what it was, but I turned 30 and now my knees hurt. But the truth is I'm wiser, right? So I know not to do it. So I know what to do. And if I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna have to get some bingay and some salon.

SPEAKER_00 37:47

So anyway, we always hit a point where it's gonna de-read. It's gotta dere.

SPEAKER_02 37:53

But here's what I will say. When you were talking about that, something that I've learned, you talked about a lot of people don't fail forward or afraid to start because they fail. And one thing that I will say that I've been learning is that neither pain or neither resistance or pressure are reasons to stop.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

Stop right there. And so that's where we got a segue to next week. We're going to be continuing the conversation. This is this is a value conversation. You're a leader. Somewhere in your world, you're a leader. If you're a mom and dad, you're leading literally, and this was sometimes like breathtaking for me. I am leading the world's next set of leaders. If you're a mom and dad, if you're an executive, if you lead in some capacity, and so having a moment where you can find a space that will open your insight, help you be self-aware of okay, how well or not well am I doing this? More important, how well or not well am I being? We're all human. We all are in a world that we get judged by other people. Don't touch me. That's not a reality. So join us, stay with us, track with us, comment whatever you want to, because it is a safe space to keep going, keep growing.

SPEAKER_02 39:26

You've got this, you've got it.