The Seven C’s of Resilience

“I felt like everything was imploding.” — Dr. Mo

In this episode, Dr. Jo and Dr. Mo open up about their personal journey of learning resilience through some of life’s most challenging seasons. From navigating the birth of a premature baby to enduring the uncertainty of a global pandemic, Dr. Mo shares how resilience became essential while balancing life as a new wife, new mother, and business owner.

Together, Dr. Jo and Dr. Mo introduce the 7 C’s of Resilience, a practical framework designed to help you navigate adversity, overcome challenges, and grow through whatever you may be facing.

Connect with us: https://linktr.ee/skillsandpillspodcast

TIMECODES
00:00:00:00 Teaser
00:00:40:08 Episode recap
00:03:20:00 Dr. Mo’s toughest time in her life 
00:09:47:15 Dealing with ambiguous grief
00:14:43:20 Dealing with guilt 
00:17:39:04 Free to fail forward concept 
00:21:14:22 Competence 
00:23:41:07 Confidence 
00:29:37:22 Connection 
00:31:55:19 Character 
00:32:47:10 Contribution 
00:35:09:02 Coping 
00:38:23:22 Control 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

I was trying to navigate being a newlywed, a new mommy, uh starting a practice, a global shutdown, uncertainty of times, and it was hard. I think I was under so much chronic stress, um, I ended up having my child prematurely.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

The predictor of future behavior is past behavior unchecked. If you keep doing the same thing and there's no intervention, it could be therapy, it could be communication, whatever it takes to intervene, your pattern of movement, that's what it looks like. We're so excited about the second part of this conversation. We're excited about it. We stop why are we excited? Because we feel a continuing of the healing journey with us in our conversations that we're having virtually. We're sensing uh healing journeys that are different for everybody, growth continuum and growth journeys that are different for everybody, and how do we enter the conversations? Enter the chat if you will, enter the comments if you will, and how do we enter conversations in real life that will allow us the space and grace that we need to be where we are, rest there if we need to, stay future focused, and continue on the journeys. The last time we were talking about uh a moment we around here we have something we call do it for the people. What does that mean? When we do it for the people, we're not gonna be these masters or gurus of all things humanity. What we're gonna do when we do it for the people is we use transparency. We say we arrived at the place that we are as Dr. Mo and Dr. Joe through resilience. And because we arrived here this way, when you go some really when you go somewhere really cool, really nice, it is nice to thrive. It is wonderful to thrive, but when you go somewhere, you want to tell other people about it. You know where I went? Oh, it was amazing, the view was amazing, the scenery was amazing. It's amazing over here in the thriving space, and we just want to welcome you into that space, and so we do it for the people.

SPEAKER_03 2:42

So excited. So, last um the first part, we were talking a little bit about what it looks like that we um began to rest in resilience. We realized not just because we were experts that could talk about it, but because we've lived it. Um, and I had made a a statement about um I learned resilience when I had to get up when I was too depressed to move. Um, I learned resilience when I failed. Like we said, um, one of our guests that are coming on, she said, I'm a professional failure. And that I identified with that so much.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

Wow, why do you feel like that resonated for you? First, let me ask you this. When you said uh you learned it when you were in that space of helplessness and hopelessness, are you comfortable enough to talk around that? Like to bring some real life experience to it for somebody who may be there but then have bring hope. Right that just because you're there doesn't mean that's gonna be your final destination on the journey.

SPEAKER_03 3:47

It's just like when I was talking with um Yvette Henry a couple weeks ago, and I held your book up and I said, I'm not thanking you for going through this pain. Right, but had you not gone through this, we wouldn't have this this this work that came out of you, this this life-giving book, this life-giving information. Um, and for me, there was a season um for me where I was young and I listen, I was like, I'm I'm an entrepreneur, I was gonna start a private practice, I was gonna start a podcast. We made it young. Made it to the podcast. Um we didn't make it at first.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

Listen, we made it. We made it. But we swimming. We were resilient. Um so I But we continue I and G to be I and G.

SPEAKER_03 4:30

Um, so I I wanted to do a practice, I wanted to do a podcast, and you know, and then then I was just starting a young family, and so I I set out to do these things, um, you know, and then life happened to me. You know what I mean? I I was a newlywed, I um it was the COVID-19 shutdown. Um I, you know, was starting a new practice. I started a new a private practice, a new business, and then we had a global shutdown two months later. So being a new practice owner on top of a global shutdown, and then I got pregnant. And so things happened. Things happened. So I was trying to navigate being a newlywed, a new mommy, uh starting a practice, a global shutdown, uncertainty of times, and it was hard. It was hard. That has been the most trying season of my life. And then after I had my baby, we turned around, we had a second baby. Just a few months. My babies are five weeks, two weeks apart. They're a year and two weeks, so it's about 11 months. Um, so they're the same age for two weeks of the year. So they're Irish twins. They're Irish twins. And so I got pregnant again. Still didn't know what I was doing. Was kind of like the business was kind of bombing, like the the podcast was eating me alive. Um, and I literally ended up having, I think I was under so much chronic stress. Um, I ended up having my child prematurely. And so when that happened, he did three months in the NICU. So I had that going on. I had to close my business down. I had to, I had to go back to bedside nursing, which was the opposite of what I ever I when I left nursing and started a business, I wanted to just do that. Um, you know, and then I just felt like everything was imploding for me. And so it was a very, very difficult season for me and my husband. Like you said, that hopelessness, that hopelessness was definitely present. That why me moment. Okay. How did I land here? Right? I I set out to do good work and make good things happen to achieve goals and dreams, and I find myself with all of those things kind of in my hands broken. I was in my hands broken.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Well, wait, stop. I was in my hands broken. So some I believe sometimes when we go through things, it is just not the situation that falls apart. Sometimes I believe we acknowledge that the situation falls apart, but we don't walk through what we call the ambiguous grief of the loss of a thing, right? That you wanted. Sometimes that ambiguous grief is the loss of a dream, is the loss of a hope of a thing. And so when we just move on, we talk about it a lot in our our group, the Grace and Growth Collective. When you just get over something, right? It's so good that you said that. Because it brought that up. When you get over something, then you miss all the lessons and all of the resiliency you could have gained, the growth part of a resilience that you could have learned by going through it. Yes. When you go over something, you don't have a view of all of the aspects of what you would have if you pass through that thing.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

Right.

unknown 7:56

Right.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 7:57

So when you said it does, I've lived that like in that season where uh I would say what I just described sounds like lost, but you said bring it back around to hope, and I reviewed that bring it right back around to hope. Listen.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

And for listen, because we have to, it's something about me as a generalist practice. We may have our doctors, but my generalist practice, my foundation is in social work, and everything about social work is strength perspective. Right. And so I don't even think I realized that I did that. You said bring it back to hope.

SPEAKER_03 8:26

I didn't I hadn't I hadn't gotten there yet. I was like, it was doom and gloom. And then we kind of paused there. So I was like, let's finish this story and hope away. But that's that in that season is where that birthed out of me a lot of sayings that brought me hope. Right? That's where I really grabbed a hold to Romans 5, 3 through 5. Right? That is the idea, and and and the scripture talks about how we rejoice in our sufferings because our sufferings produce in us endurance, and our induce our endurance produces in us character, and our character produces in us hope, and that hope won't put us to shame in Christ Jesus. And so, and that was the season where when I sat down, I said, okay, it's all falling apart. I'm falling apart. And I sat down and when my devotions with the Lord, I I come from a faith-based perspective, so spiritual coping is very important to me. It's how I've survived. The Lord has kept me. And so when I would sit with the Lord, he would tell me things like pain turned to purpose produces power. He would tell me things like if you keep going, you keep growing.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

You got this.

SPEAKER_03 9:39

He would tell me things like just to fail forward. Right? So these aren't the cute little gimmicks that we came up with, these are things that help me to survive.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Get the onions out of here. When we say get the onions out of here, that means something is so palpable that it moves you internally. And uh, we have a running uh saying a joke in our group, not to suppress, don't go there, but to say, I'm about to crash. When we say get the onions out of here, that is our way of saying, that is moving me to tears. Like I really palpably feel that when you say that. Right.

SPEAKER_03 10:17

I mean, there And nothing prepares you for when you go through that level of loss, you would be shocked. And Lisa Marie talked about this a little bit. How many people leave you there? And so I was at that time in a in a faith-based community and some other spaces, and I found myself also disconnected from those spaces. And so these were things that I was traversing very much alone, um, unexpectedly, because some of the people I I was leaning on for support were like, that's a lot, right? And so, next thing you know, a lot of people talk about this when they're grieving. Like, I'm shocked at how many friends I lose when I'm grieving, or an ambiguous loss is that still, it's still grief. It's still grief work. It's ambiguous grief, is you know, where there's no closure, right? Where it's it's different when somebody, when you have other grief work, when somebody passes and you're like, okay, there's there's uh an end there, right? There's some things where there is no end, and you see that a lot people that struggle with ambiguous grief a lot or people that maybe are no contact with their family members. A lot of people that have family members that suffer with substance use have to go through ambiguous grief because that person's still living and breathing, right? But they can't be connected with them in the same way because of the hurt and the harm and the other things. And so um, when you get into that space, I had to lean on the Lord and He had to give me these wisdoms, just like Yvette Henry said, she had to lean on the Lord to give her rest and remain, right? Because sometimes you find yourself in that season where you're like, listen, I've got to figure out what I need to hear to keep going. And so ironically, that scripture became my favorite, not because of the rejoice and sufferings part. I'm still kind of challenged with that. But that part where it talks about character. Character is one of the seven C's of resilience. Um, endurance is too, like there's and then the hope part, finding myself in the why me, which feels very hopeless. Yeah, but then knowing that there's truths both biblically and clinically that can lead me to build in that hope, to grow in that hope. It wasn't a falsehood of rejoicing that built hope in me. It was the fact that I leaned into the process that caused me to build that endurance, to endure it, that helped me to build the character. In that season, what looked like loss to everybody else and public failure to everybody else, what I learned in that season was hope. What I learned in that season was long suffering. Yeah. What I learned in that season was resilience. I learned how to garner peace and chaos. I learned how to just be in my current state without striving for other things. The things that I learned in that season can never put me to shame. Yeah. It can never be taken away from me. And so that scripture became more than just a little way to quickly get my attitude up. It became something that I began to live by. That scripture to me became, became resilience. What does it look like to say, no matter what I'm in right now, I yes, I'm still gonna pray to get out of it. Right. Because I don't want to be in this, right? Lord, Lord, release me, but if you don't. Remember, we talked about last episode, it reminds me so much of the Garden of Gethsemane, where he said, if you could take this cup from me.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Like I don't want to do this.

SPEAKER_03 13:47

Please do. Like, please take it. There's that moment. Please take it. Right. So I'm still gonna pray. The please take it prayer. If I could just give it over. If I could, if you could just get me over it, Lord. But every now and again, sometimes you do, and that feels like those deliverance moments where he likes, whoop, you're done. You don't have to do that. And you'd be like, Thank goodness. Right? But every now and again he says, uh-uh.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

You're gonna go through this one. You got to.

SPEAKER_03 14:10

The development is here, the growth is here, the care, the development of your character is here. It is in it. I so I've I've gotten a little kind of a little weird after that season. We're gonna call it weird. Because I used to pray, deliver me, take me out of it. And now I say, take me out of it. And now I say, Lord, take me through it. Take me through it and keep me through it. Because I cannot in my own strength do it.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

It's the keep me through it, I think is the resilience part. Yeah. Like about how do you build it? And we're gonna uh look at the seven seeds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to do that, but I was looking at you and thinking, and you said the part that sticks out to me, and that's the most difficult for me as a human, a human, when when life happens and things impact that will what I call knock you off your square. Things happen that will knock you off your square, and then how do you work through that? And what do you do if you feel guilt about the impact of you going through something on other people? Like for me, that's the difficult part. So every time you get to that part where you say, and won't be put to shame, I had that tremendous guilt because I am a person that fires at all cylinders. 10 is a 10 is a 10. I'm go, go, go. I put myself in pockets to push and support and do all those things. And then when life happens to me and I no longer can do that, and in my inability to be what I promised that I would be to people, and to discover or to sense that I have let them down, it is only that won't be put to shame that's sustained me past the guilt of and then realizing because this happened to me, because I didn't keep my ten-cylinder promise, I now have become the disappointment or the villain in someone else's story of life. That to me was one of the most gluttle fail-forwards to divorce, through cancer treatment, through crisis, through all the things, not being able to show up as the person that in my non-Crisis self or in my non-impact self promise to be. So every time you read that and say, like right now, I feel onions because every time you say that and you say, won't be put to shame.

SPEAKER_03 17:18

I just, I just that just sometimes you can feel like silly to hope. Right. Silly, like when you look at your circumstance, you'd be like, Why in the world would I be saying absolutely me with what I got going on? Or guilty for failing forward. Or feeling guilty for failing forward. And so there's there's there's no shame and no guilt in having to get back up. And having to get back up and having to bounce back. Right? And let's talk about free to uh fail. So free to fail forward was something that came out of that season for me.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:48

Um, and it was that that revelation for me that it was kind of like, listen, okay, so you you didn't do it. You failed. You failed. Nobody succeeds without failing, right? Look at take everything that you've learned, take all the pain, take all of the setbacks, take all of those things and turn them into lessons to push you forward to your next try. Because who about this, who about to sit out in the game? Who about to sit out in the game? Because it's tempting. When you fail, you want to sit, when you fail, you want to sit down. You'd be like, put me on the bench, take me out, right? So failing forward was meh, like I have to get back in the game. Yeah. We would not be sitting here in these seats had I not said, oop, did that all wrong. Right. Oops, got some lessons. Still probably doing some things wrong right now. Right. We're gonna keep failing forward. We're gonna learn. And that is a huge part of resilience is adaptability, the ability to make four, as you call formative adjustments to say, okay, got that wrong, we failed. Okay. But failing forward is saying, okay, we failed. I see that you saw it. I saw it. Keep no records of wrongs on me now. So you keep no records of wrong on me, and I'm gonna keep no records on wrong on me, because that's what love is. And what we're gonna do is we're going to shift our attention to say, okay, what went well and what didn't.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:09

Something went well. I did something right in that something always works. Something always works, is what you always say. And so something worked, right? Failing forward is saying, okay, that works, so we're gonna do that again. Ooh, that did not work. So we're not gonna do a little more of that and a little less of that. So that is failing forward. And so now in our group, the Grace and Grow Collective, um, if you want to be a part of our community, we go live Monday through Friday, 3 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, and we talk about all topics like this. But some things come out of that group that are just powerful. And so I was coming in very sweet with my little, let's let's fail forward, very powerful. I thought that was powerful enough, but people in our group said that's not enough. That's not enough. They said, I'm not only gonna be free, but they had to, first of all, they had to free. You get free to do it. Right. I'm free to fail forward, I'm free to flourish, right? And then I am free to fly. And so after going through hardship, we can trust that our failures don't define our success or our healing journey.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

So I am not the sum of my circumstances. Right. So if you're free to fail forward, you're free to flourish, and then you're free to fly, that means you've come to a space that you have increased your insight to understand that whatever you've been through, whatever has touched you in humanity, does not define the sum of who you are. It is, I've heard it said, that a chapter in the book. It is not the entire book. It is a verse in the song, it is not the entire song. At the end of the day, I'm gonna begin by telling you what it was, why me? And then I'm gonna move into saying, huh, why not me? And then we're gonna go ahead and move into absolutely me and what now.

SPEAKER_03 21:15

Resilience. That's resilience. So we got seven C's of resilience. We're gonna define these for you real quick and we'll pause in between. Okay. Okay. Our first C is competence, which is the ability to handle situations more effectively, developed by learning specific skills and focusing on strengths. Okay, so that just means I can't keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

Okay, no, no, seriously. When I hear it, I'm like, what does that mean to me though? As a person, that means if I have done this thing over and over and it has not propelled me for it and my purpose, remember we just said a little more of this, yeah, a little less of that. So competence says, What do I need to pick? Up now. Right. So what is the predictor of past behavior? The particular no, what is a predictor of future behavior? The predictor of future behavior is past behavior unchecked. If you keep doing the same thing and there's no intervention, whatever that intervention looks like to you, it could be a change in mindset, it could be therapy, it could be communication. Whatever it takes to intervene, your pattern of movement, that's what it looks like.

SPEAKER_03 22:34

I'm not going to add to that because I like that. No, and I do think that like the when it comes to competence. But we'll just keep using my um we'll keep using my my do-it-for-the-people as an example for competence. So I will say that I grew like uh failing forward, I was able to find what went wrong and assess what went wrong. Okay. I went and found some mentors. All right. Some people who would win ahead of me.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 22:59

They helped me to retool and to reset those things and build up my competence and my ability to not repeat the same mistakes when I saw them again. And so now ironically, you would think, oh, I'm never gonna do that again. But I built a practice, I'm building a podcast, I'm doing it again, I'm failing forward, I'm building and growing in my competence. And I'm learning that this stuff is continual.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

It is.

SPEAKER_03 23:22

It's continual.

SPEAKER_01 23:23

If you talk social, relational, I'm sorry about that. If we talk uh social, relational, and occupational, that was occupational for you. Right. It was also relational because you went and found the mentors. Right. Does that make sense? And the social part of it is the less you fail forward, the more time you got to hang out with your friends.

SPEAKER_03 23:40

Right. Let me tell you something. Anyway, we're not gonna go, we're not gonna do it for the people too much. Um the second C in resilience is confidence. Okay. So a true belief in one's ability, which is built through or demonstrated competence rather than empty praise. I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

Let's let's um myth bust. And I when I myth bust, I'm gonna either have some evidence-based research behind me, or I'm gonna have some biblical truth behind me. And I do understand biblical truth is hermeneutic. So I may say it and you may interpret it in a different way. And we we're gonna be okay with that. That's why it's called hermeneutics. But I'm gonna buzz um the myth on that second one that I have to give me the the word again. Confidence.

SPEAKER_03 24:34

A true belief in one's own abilities, which is built through demonstrated competence rather than empty praise.

SPEAKER_01 24:43

Empty praise. So I believe a lot of times because of the resilience, we're gonna go culturally competent. So I believe out of the resilience that is built in me culturally, that when I move in mainstream situations, that confidence can often be read as arrogance. There is a fine line, and I get to do it. You get to do it, being confident in this. Now we'll read that and say, he who began a good work, right, will continue, but we forget that it starts off with being confident, right? Being confident. So it is implied that in I'm gonna go ahead and do it. And him I live, and him I move, and him I have my being. Right, right? So I do believe sometimes there's a fine line in there in that confidence piece. Right. And being at the fact that it is not arrogance, right? It is a knowing that I know that greater in me. Does that make sense? So I want to bust the myth that people that are fully confident, that's what I normally are are either.

SPEAKER_03 25:56

I haven't heard arrogance a lot. I've heard pride. Pride.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

That's the pride often. Lack humility. Um, and I just labored for years under that. I would let people put their thumb on me and put me under their thumb because with the sense of, and I question myself, am I prideful? Am I arrogant? Nope. I just have built my confidence in him so much that when I walk in, I may not, you know, explain it, but I just know that I know.

SPEAKER_03 26:28

Right, right, right. Like that is that is a declaration. When we say a declaration, absolutely me.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

Absolutely me. So when I walk in the room, I'm what you're sensing on me is not arrogance or lack of pride, or lack of humility. What you're sensing on me is I have walked through it enough that I know the resilience and who took me through it has built me in a way. We're gonna just leave that right there. I'm built. I'm just built different. Sometimes you're just built different. So I just want to say that and bust that myth for the people who minimize themselves in spaces. Now, don't get me wrong. Read the room. If you're in the space and the room said, no, not that, not you, and you're not the gatekeeper in the space, release that thing. Release that. Do not be, I am absolutely me in a space you don't govern. That's where the maturity came. Right. And one day I was sitting there and I was like, well, I would do this and I would do that. And just in my little fault from the 70s and 80s, it dropped in and they thought you would, but this is not your gig.

SPEAKER_03 27:42

Right.

SPEAKER_01 27:43

So if it is not your environmental wheel, what or to have you're not in charge, right? Then you have to say, okay, then that piece of me cannot fully blossom or fully thrive, right? Because there becomes a containment.

SPEAKER_03 28:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

Does that make sense? And so, yeah. Next word.

SPEAKER_03 28:09

We can't even go. Okay. I just so yeah, we can't even go. But and I will say that when I say I'm built different, I think, like you said, it's because I was I was built in that trial with him. He, I, I know him and I know what he will do for me. Right. I know where he will take me. And listen, this is resilience. Like the resilience says that over time it'll become easier and faster. Yes. Meaning it took me a long time to get out in that season, but now I run into things and it's a little bit easier for me to walk from why me to absolutely me and then to what now, because I've done it so many times. And the more I do it, the faster it is for me to walk through those steps, right? Right. So whereas I used to sit months in that why me space, now I it it takes me minutes. Or the why not me space. Or the why not me, right. Um so I I can move through him quicker. And so because I've had a season where he was all that I had, I got to know him real, real well. And in that season of knowing him well, I know that I know his care. Just like I learned my character, I learned his too in that trial. And as I learned his character, I know to trust that like he built something in me. He built that character, that endurance, and that hope, like Romans 5. And as he built that, now I'm like, I don't have to sit up and be stressed about certain things because I know who he is and I know who he's made me to be in those trials and those sufferings and in that responses.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

We know to get through the seven seasons.

SPEAKER_03 29:37

We're not gonna get through. So there was it was confidence, competence, competence is confidence, and now what connection, developing close ties within a community, family, and school to create a secure, safe environment.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

Do you notice it it covers all the uh areas of functionation? I did of functionality, I mean. It covers the occupational, social, relational. I I cannot say enough about support networks. Right. You'll hear it over and over. Yeah. Don't do it alone. We weren't built to be alone. We weren't built to traverse life by ourselves as a silo. As I'm not trying to be anybody's lone ranger. I'm not, I'm not. I am packish by nature. What does that mean? You know how wolves moves in packs or whatever like that. I am just a pack human. Like, what does that mean? Part of it is because culturally I'm a collectivist, and that means our culture just thrives on being together and being interlocked.

SPEAKER_03 30:37

Um like I said, it creates safety. Yes. It does. There's safety in having people, and I hear a lot of people that'll say, listen, I don't have anyone. Like I said, in that season that I was in, there were places and things that were being developed in me that my current people couldn't go. And that's okay. You release that, you allow them to make the decisions that they need to make for themselves, right? They may not have the capacity to hold what you're going through and where you're going, and that's okay. Bad fit doesn't mean bad people, right? They're not bad people, right? They just aren't a good fit or in an alignment with where you're being taken and where you've got to go for your growth. And so when that happens, you release that and then you begin to become prayerful. Like Lisa Marie said on that one episode. She said, I pray for the friends that can hold me when I need to be held. So we can we can speak that way. We can pray and then begin to look around you. Because there may be somebody you're missing while you're so focused on who you have to release.

SPEAKER_01 31:41

Right.

SPEAKER_03 31:41

Right? I gotta release those people, but there's somebody over here that's already been prepared for you to embrace set aside for me to embrace in this season. Yes. And so we need connection. Connection is healthy for us. I keep repeating them, but I want to make sure that we're on it. Competence, confidence, connection, yeah, character.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

Character. You talked about that. So we won't belabor that right now. We'll come back to it. But that is just the going through. Yeah. That is what's built in the go-through.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:10

Now, don't get me wrong. There are some things I've been snatched right out of and grateful for that. But those things I don't want to miss the privilege. Is suffering a privilege? Absolutely. Nah. Trouble a privilege. Is do we consider, I should say, suffering, uh, trouble and responsibility privileges? No, but they actually are, if you look from the perspective of the character that they build. Then they'll keep going.

SPEAKER_03 32:43

We're not going to be able to do that. Okay, hold on, hold on. Okay, next is contribution. Understanding that contributing to the world through either service or kindness provides a sense of purpose.

SPEAKER_01 32:55

It don't cost nothing to be kind. Kind of purpose produces power. And don't cost nothing to be kind. Kindness is is I often say kindness is free and should be spelled spread generously. Let me get all that together. Kindness is free and should be spread generously. It like literally costs nothing to just be kind. That may cost me some building of my character.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

Right.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

To be kind when I feel like somebody may not deserve it. Right. Right. But love is gentle and love is kind. And in the space where I read that, there were no like brackets that says love is gentleness, love is kind if everybody treats me perfect.

SPEAKER_02 33:39

Right.

SPEAKER_01 33:39

Love is gentle and love is kind if you do what I want you to do. It just is love is gentle.

SPEAKER_03 33:45

Right.

SPEAKER_01 33:45

Love is kind. Period.

SPEAKER_03 33:47

And I I will say this. I think when you were talking about that one thing that was built in that season for me, when we're talking about resilience, this is building character and it's building in this contribution. Um, compassion and kindness. That would let me tell you something. I had a lot of opinions about what everybody was doing and how they were doing it till I went till I went through my own thing. I have way less opinions than I used to on how they should be doing it and how they because I I experienced my my own touch with my humanity. Right. And in experiencing that, it gave me the ability to not only have grace and mercy, love and compassion for others. And so that is a part of the character that's built in resilience. We're talking about the seven seas, the character, but then that character almost gets put to action. I love compassion because it's love and mercy put to action. Yeah. And so when we talk about our contribution, when I am in touch with my own humanity, it makes it so much easier for me to contribute to helping somebody else with theirs.

SPEAKER_01 34:49

Let's talk about your contribution, can be a blessing or it can be a hindrance based on the origin from which you bring it. Like if I bring my contribution from compassion, then it is gonna bring light and life. If I bring my contribution from an unhealed space, not so much.

SPEAKER_03 35:11

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:12

That just that just don't that's a whole nother thing.

SPEAKER_03 35:15

Let's go. Okay, okay. Okay, the next one, next one is coping. Coping. Coping, learning positive, adaptive strategies to manage stress, which prepares individuals to overcome life's challenges.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

Miss Busting time. Everybody does not have to cope the way I cope. Everybody does not have to cope the way you cope. It does not have to be the either or. It can be either or or it can be both and. I can either go to therapy or I can go to spiritual coping. I can do therap therapy and spiritual coping. I can get a you know what was healing for me this morning? A hug from my granddaughter. Right. The cuddle was healing to me. She rubbed my back. I remember rubbing her mom's back. And I remembered in that moment the health that it took and the worth that it took for me to be in a space of healing to allow my children to be in a space of healing, to me, allow my children to allow my come on, transgenerational healing. So that's how we're gonna that's how that's the only myth. I just want to break the myth, or we just want to break the myth that everybody heals in the same way, or there's only one route. Now there is we we believe here to the God of your understanding, we release that, but we believe there is all knowledge and all comes from a triune, right? Omnipresence, omniscience, all those things. But when it comes to men, it's not good for us to be alone. So when it comes to us being together, allowing the grace and space for people to choose how their healing is put for them. And if I have this is this is a mic. This mic just gives a certain amount of ear. Like the podcast, what we do, and so I have been so mindful of when I put my mouth in this mic to not to say things that will inadvertently, even if I don't know it, heap shame onto people. That's the cognizant or the mindfulness I want to have about releasing people to heal in the way that speaks to their heart, and the way that it speaks to their mind, and leave it to the divine creator to decide where he wants to interject him. Some plant, some water. I'm not the one that's gonna be reaping the harvest. So I decide whether am I here to plant, am I here to water, but I am never here to judge the way a person heals. Never do I cast in the face of a person the way they were able to survive. But what I will do is offer you things that are congruent with your will that will take you from surviving to thriving.

SPEAKER_03 38:26

I love that one. Okay, last C. Our last C It's the last one. We made it. Right. Okay, this one is control. So realizing that actions and decisions can control outcomes which foster a sense of empowerment rather than victimhood.

SPEAKER_01 38:42

Again, if you don't like what you find, you're behind, check your mind.

SPEAKER_03 38:46

And what do you think? Absolutely. I think um it's that that locus of control, that idea of that, of beginning to learn what's within my control and what's out of it. Appreciate it. Because every space, like there were some aspects of that season in my life where I said, okay, I'm finding myself broken. Some of those things, like a premature baby, that was a health consequence. I did not have any control over. There's nothing I did that there was nothing I did to cause the entire earth to close down. Right. Okay, the global shutdown, COVID, like it just shut down. That happened. That was out of my control, right? But I think this kind of control with resilience is understanding what is. There are some patterns that I have that contributed to some of those fail-forward moments. And so I needed to very honestly take a look at myself, and that's hard to do. Yeah. It is hard to look at yourself and say, ooh, I've been a contributor to my pain. Because some pain happens to us, right?

SPEAKER_01 39:46

And some pain is caused by us.

SPEAKER_03 39:49

By okay, we're gonna put to ourselves good other.

SPEAKER_01 39:53

Like, I want, we've come of time.

SPEAKER_03 39:56

Yeah, we can't do it.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

I mean, we can do it.

SPEAKER_03 39:59

Y'all have other things to do. Y'all have other things to do.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

We can do it, we will do it. We just don't have enough time to do it in this moment because we've come of time. We appreciate time, it is valuable, we appreciate any of it that you give us. We appreciate you coming and allowing us to hold space to explore these things with you, to explore them from our perception, to be a voice, if you will, in your healing process and in your healing journey, to be here to be a voice to release you to fail forward, to be free to fail, release you to be free to flourish, release you to be free to fly. These are things that are gonna just be in the tapestry of our conversation. Let them be in the tapestry of the comments. We see you, we come, we engage that conversation, and we're gonna continue to have talks around what it looks like to be here and just hold space for you to live love and work well.