Do I Need a Therapist or a Coach? 7 Key Signs for Military Families Facing Infertility & Stress

Navigating the challenges of infertility and stress in military life can leave you wondering: Do I need a therapist or a coach? In this episode of Mindful Warrior Alliance, Kerri Bicskei, psychotherapist and Air Force spouse, helps you understand the difference between therapy and coaching, and how to identify which support is best for you.

You’ll learn:

• The key differences between a therapist and a coach
• 7 signs that indicate you may benefit from therapy or coaching
• How to decide which approach aligns best with your mental health and fertility journey
• Practical examples of how therapy and coaching can address stress, anxiety, depression, and emotional challenges
• Why both therapy and coaching can play a crucial role in healing and personal growth

If you're a military spouse, service member, or someone navigating the emotional challenges of infertility, this episode offers valuable insights to help you find the right support for your needs.

👉 Listen now, subscribe, and share this episode with someone who might be unsure whether they need a therapist or a coach. Visit mindfulwarrioralliance.org for more resources on mental health, infertility, and emotional wellness.

Transcript

  📍 Hi, I'm Kerri Bicskei, military spouse, licensed therapist, and founder of Mindful Warrior Alliance. Welcome to the Mindful Warrior Alliance Podcast, your go-to space for real conversations around mental health IVF, fertility and military life. Each week we connect with leading experts, service members, male spouses, and thought leaders to bring you tools, insights, and stories to support your journey.

Whether you're navigating deployment, fertility treatments, or just trying to stay grounded, you're in the right place.    this episode, we're going to dive in to why you need a therapist or coach. If you've been on the fence about getting a therapist or coach. And then this episode is for you. We're going to talk about what the differences between coaching and therapy   we're going to talk about signs. You need help. 

And benefits of working with a therapist or coach and how to find the best fit for you. So all super important, valuable information. So make sure to stay tuned for this episode and we'll dive into all that good stuff. So since it's been about two years since I've started. Oh, my gosh. That's crazy. 

It's been two years since I've started the podcast. I'm just going to go ahead and do a little re-introduction of myself, who I am, what my background is. 

And looking for a coach, you want to make sure that you really pick the best fit for you. So it's really helpful to do your research, figure out who the therapist or coach that you're going to be working with, um, is, and whether or not they're aligned and able to help you with what you're really looking for. 

 I am a licensed mental health counselor licensed in Florida and Washington state. So I see clients in both of those places. I'm also a coach or a clinical coach. , and we'll talk about kind of the differences and just a little bit. 

And I also have my masters in sports psychology and have a lot of training in visualization, mindfulness techniques, meditation. Lots of performance techniques that I use 

so I like to have, , athletes and non-athletes that I work with to kind of, you know, spice things up a little bit. But I do love,  working with athletes.  

, I, don't only work with athletes. I work with, I call them high performers or overachievers. So people like me, that's my niche. , because I best know how to help those people because I come from that background, right? Like I'm an athlete type, a overachieving person, and I know how to help,  people who also operate in that way. 

So, , lots of business owners. High functioning stress ball. CEO's , lots of, lots of folks like that. Who have high anxiety, high stress. , maybe stress, stressful job. , that's bleeding over into their relationship or functioning in some way. And, , also with trauma. So I do have an extensive training in EMDR and trauma therapy. So for those of you who don't know what EMDR is. 

I do have an episode on that, but it stands for eye movement, desensitization and reprocessing. It's an awesome therapy. Tool modality. For people with trauma. So athletes also have a lot of trauma. They're not immune to that.  Um and so lots of athletes do come to me to help  resolve some of their trauma so that they can have better performance as well     

so the awesome thing for me is that since I have all of this mindfulness training, meditation, yoga, Uh, EMDR training and sports psychology. And I'm clinically trained as a licensed mental health therapist. I have all of these tools. So I'm able to help people in  a variety of ways. Um, so lots of different issues that come, you know, that come to me, relationship issues, transitions injuries. 

Um, and lots of sports performance stuff. I'm able to really have a lot of tools to help my clients. So that's something. That. Really sets me apart that I I'm really grateful for is that I have this really well-rounded training. I'm not just,  sports, psychology specific. I also have all of this other holistic training. 

That really helps me, , help my clients the best. So. That's a little bit about my background and what I do for those people who have joined the podcast. And, um, didn't want to go back to episode one and listen to that. Um, a little about me as an athlete. I was a former professional volleyball player for, I played indoor volleyball for, um, gosh, like eight seasons overseas and then transitioned to a beach volleyball over here. 

In the states. Uh, I now play beach volleyball in Florida and I run marathons and do triathlons and I'm competing in my first. Iron man, this a half iron man, this, this may, and really looking forward to that. I'm doing my first ultra marathon and the end of January. So a couple of new things that I'm kind of adding to my repertoire this year. 

Uh, and just love doing what I do love the podcast. Love all of my listeners and audience. I get messages from you guys all the time. Um, talking about how helpful these meditations were and solo episodes are for you. So keep those coming. I really love getting those messages. So thank you so much for your guys's support. , it really means a lot to me. So we're just going to go ahead and get into the solo episode now. 

And talk about what the difference is between therapists and coaches. Right? So I know everyone in their mom on Instagram and tic talk offers, uh, advice and tips and all of these mental health. Um, you know, tools. Can be, they can be helpful, but they can also, it can also be really overwhelming. 

And difficult to figure out. Okay. Who should I listen to? There's conflicting information out there. So that can be overwhelming because everyone. Wants to be a coach everyone's offering. They're coaching services and, um, and yeah, I think coaching is just such an open. Like fair game for anybody can say that their, you know, anybody can say that they're a coach. 

And coach, right? Like you can start your own business today and just say, yep, I'm a coach. Um, he listened to what I have to say, pay me for, pay me for what I I'm gonna help you with. And you can do that. There's not a lot of barriers. So it's really like a low barrier for people to enter into being a coach. 

So you have to be really, really mindful. , When you're picking a coach to help you. So, , you just want to do your research and your due diligence and make sure that that person has adequate, you know, education and tools and background that they can really, really help you. , so yeah, it can be. 

A little bit tricky to kind of find a coach who, who can help you. Right. So you want to do your due diligence, , but it can also be really effective. So coaches don't have a lot of the limitations that therapists have, which is cool. Like I mentioned before, I have clients in. Uh, different countries and different states that I can work with under my coaching practice. Um, and that's really amazing. It really opens me up to be able to access more clients and for more clients to access me. 

Um, another big difference with coaches. It doesn't follow a medical model, um, which means that coaches are not, and if they do run. But they're not able to diagnose or do mental health evaluations. Right. So anything. Like that coaches are not going to be able to help you with, it's really a proactive approach. Coaches. If you're looking for coaching, um, you're someone that's gonna want to address. 

The,  future, like your future goals and what you're looking to accomplish, uh, in the future. Anything. In the past or present, you know, your. That's that's more. Potential trauma therapy and that's that's therapy. Um, so yeah, with coaches, no diagnosis, no mental health evaluations coaches don't take insurance. Insurance does not cover you getting a coach. 

Um, and if you're high risk. Like, if you're someone with suicidal ideation, depression. , eating disorder or disordered eating. And you have severe mental health. You're not a good fit for having a coach. Um, you could have a coach, but you need to have a therapist, additionally, right? Um, so with coaching clients who are having those issues, you really, really want to make sure that you're getting. 

Therapy to, um, yeah. To just address some of those concerns. So coaching amazing. But those are some key differences, you know, with therapists. Um, therapist can offer different modalities. Like I talked about with EMDR, EMDR is like really amazing for rewiring your brain. Um, you know, neurofeedback also really cool. Um, cognitive behavioral therapy. That's like a traditional form of therapy. Um, 

It's it's. So effective that's I use that a lot. Um, CBT. Along with other tools that I offer. Um, there's 1,000,001 modalities for therapists to use. So different approaches and different like theories and lenses that different therapists use with their clients. , so just do your research there and figure out, , 

A therapist who aligns with, with what you're wanting, right? Like if you're someone that wants to address your trauma therapy, Does this therapist have a background in that? Do they have these different certifications? Do they have this. The skills and the tools. Uh, necessary to help you. So do your due diligence there, um, therapist addressed the wounds of the past and the present, right? So how they help you figure out. 

We help you figure out where you've been and where you're going. So it's not necessarily like, oh my gosh, your childhood divorce. And you have all of these things that we really need to like dig into. More. So like, how are these. Issues that have stemmed from your past, how are they affecting your present day relationships, your present day performance. Let's look at these things, right? So we're not like digging a lot of people like to think that yeah. Therapists just like to start at. 

Square one and dig, dig, dig, and retraumatize, and it's, it's not something that people look forward to, but it's more so. For me, at least it's okay. How what's coming up for you right now. And what does that attach to? And EMDR is a  really freaking cool way to. , get a lot of work done in a really short amount of time. 

Um, so it's yeah. If anyone wants to talk to me a little bit more about EMDR, I definitely geek out on that. , and there's an AR episode earlier we talk about EMDR more. So message me if you're curious about that. , but therapists can offer that. Um, if there are coaches that are offering EMDR as a therapy or other therapeutic modalities as a coach, 

Unless they're a licensed therapist, I'd be pretty weary about coaches stepping outside of their ethics and outside of their. Their scope of practice. So be just really mindful of that. That being said, there are a lot of therapists. I do have quite a few therapists, friends. Who are coaches as well? 

So that's cool. Like if you're a therapist and you offer coaching. Absolutely. You're able to offer all of these, like all of these therapeutic tools. Um, and, and be a coach, right? Cause you have that clinical, you have that like mental health training background. So you're, you're in good hands. 

Um, so that's something to be said there. So longterm. Um, long-term rewiring is really you're looking for a therapist, right? If you're looking for short term, Uh, proactive approach, um, looking for someone to help you with your future goals. Like a coach would be suitable for you. I personally have a therapist and a coach, right? So I. 

Have a therapist once a month. I do these, you know, I do just, I call it like filling my tank, like getting an oil change. Right. So just checking in, just making sure that the engine is clean. Like everything's running good. Um, You know, that's what I use my therapist for. And I use my coach more for my business practice and for, um, you know, just, just my day-to-day questions about running my business and my, my goals there. So it is super helpful to have both. So I would just lean into what sounds like it'd be the best fit for you, right? 

What are you needing? And then I talked about a little bit before, like with a sports psychologist or a sports psychology coach. Um, right. Like those people. You want to, um, you know, those people like to work with athletes, that's definitely their niche, but you just want to make sure. Um, again, kind of doing your vibe check and research check, seeing where they come from, what they have to offer and how they're best able to, to help you. Right. So, 

Signs that you need one signs that you need a coach or a therapist. Um, So if you're stuck in the same patterns that you've been in for a while, and you're just, you feel like you're spinning your wheels, that's a really good indicator that you're stuck and that you need something to disrupt that pattern, right? Like what you're doing has not been working. So if you're stuck in the same patterns, 

Chances are. You need a therapist or coach? Uh, if you've tried to change on your own, but it hasn't helped. Um, that's, that's another indicator, right? You want to improve your improv? You want to improve your performance on and off the court. So maybe you're noticing that some of those patterns that you're stuck in are disrupting. 

Your play. Or your performance and you're not able to break past a certain, um, you know, a certain threshold. In your training or in your races or in your games? Then that's definitely an incentive to get a therapist or coach. Right. So that's when that's when clients, that's, when athletes come to me is when they're like, okay, 

I've either tried everything else. I've tried. Uh, I've tried everything on my own. I don't know what I'm missing. Like let's fill in the gaps here. So I see clients when they're at that point or when they're just so frustrated, like they, they don't know where to start. Um, and it's just too overwhelming, too daunting for them. They don't know where to start. So I got both ends of the spectrum there. 

Um, if you're someone that wants to have different responses emotionally, If you're sick of your same shitty emotional responses. Um, call them like trauma responses, right? Oftentimes like if something happens. Um,  say something small happens. I use this example a lot and with my clients, but if something small happens, 

And your response is a lot bigger. Then the thing that happened. So if your response is really unwarranted and unnecessary and you have kind of a blow up. To something small and that's a really good indicator that your stress levels are. Way too high. And that there's something else that we're missing. There's something that's slipping between the cracks that's happening. 

That you're just subconsciously not aware of. Right. So a lot of times, and that's nothing against. Um, you know, you, if you're not able to figure out what's happening, there's a lot of subconscious behavior drivers. That are happening without our conscious awareness. We don't know, like what's triggering us. , and that can be really frustrating. And so that's when, when clients and athletes come to me as well, they're like, oh my gosh, the same thing keeps happening. I keep having the same response and. It sucks. My relationships are suffering. My performance is tanking. Like, how do I fix this thing? Right. So we go over a roadmap and we figure out how we can best work together. 

Um, and figure out what these. You know what these responses, where they're coming from. Right. So that's super, super helpful to figuring out why you're responding. Uh, why your emotional responses are the way that they are. So if that's something that you're wanting to work on, that's definitely something, uh, or that's definitely an indicator that you need to have. 

Uh, therapist bright, the emotional responses, um, really probably stemming from some trauma. So that's, that's more of a therapist realm there. Um, the other sign that you would need a therapist or coach is when your sleep and eating is impacted. So this is a tricky one. Probably want a therapist for this one. 

Um, You know, coaches can help with, with sleep a little bit too, but anything with eating. Go see a therapist. Um, because our eating is emotional, um, , or our eating and having a history of neediness order or disordered eating. You really, really want to get someone who's well-versed in. 

Working with, ,  working with clients who, who have had that history. Okay. So those are all indicators that you need a therapist or coach where you could benefit from one. Right. And we're going to dig into benefits next. So benefits of getting a coach or a therapist, right. They can help you with coping tools. 

Okay, so they can help you with. Mindfulness techniques with meditation, with visualization, any sports performance, specific techniques that you're looking for.  Just tools, , trauma tools. That's something that you're looking to to get out of therapy, right. , so they can really help you with, with coping tools. So a lot of the clients and athletes that I see. 

, get a lot of coping tools from working with me. I am super solution focused, . That's the athlete in me. I really want.  My clients to see results. I want them to have metrics. I want them to figure out if they're progressing and identify like where they're not progressing and why. So I'm really big into having a solution focused. 

Um, approach to therapy because I want my clients to get something out of it. And I want you to sit. And I'll say I'm a chair and my chair, but only if you're in office in Tampa, do you sit in my chair? But I don't want you to sit there during our session for years and years and feel like you're not getting anything out of our sessions. Right. 

Um, so I do, I love clients to feel like they have tools. And to implement those tools so that they can streamline their success. So that's something that's. You know, I think is really, really valuable. And I hope that a lot of other therapists implement this as well. Um, even though it's not major job security for us, right? Like. 

, do you give your clients tools and load them up with. With tools that they can use so that they don't have to see you forever. Right? Like, I don't want that. I want you to be successful. I want you to have tools. I want you to grow. And I don't, I don't mind, I don't want to have you as a client forever. That's not my goal. Right. 

So that is, uh, that's something that is definitely a benefit work with a therapist who helps you with coping tools. Another benefit is that you can just really build awareness around your specific issues. So I talked about this a little bit before. The subconscious. Uh, you know, Behavior drivers that we have. So our subconscious. 

Drives a lot of our behaviors and a lot of our unhealthy behaviors that we're just not consciously aware of. Right. So your therapist can help bring attention to your specific issues and ask you some questions that are going to provoke you to think about. Where that's coming from. Right. And you'll have like an oh shit moment or an aha moment. 

 Along the way for sure. But, and that's definitely a benefit, um, that you're getting. And a third party outside the lens. Who. Is non-biased and is just able to look at your situation and see the gaps. So that's something. That when I, you know, when we're meeting together and our first intake, we kind of lay out your roadmap. We, I ask you a ton of questions. Some which you may not think are related to therapy, right? About your sleeping, your phone time, your. 

 You're eating all of these, all of these things that all contribute to mental health. And we figure out I take notes of where your gaps are, right. Like an exercises that we can use and implement. To get you from a to B. So we get a roadmap. Um, that helps you build awareness around these discrepancies that you're having, like with your goals, right? 

So that's definitely a benefit. Um, therapists and coaches can also help with goal setting. Insights and accountability. So I do have a lot of high-functioning clients. So a lot of my athletes who are really successful. In what they do. And a lot of my business, you know, clients who are professionals who were really successful in their business and it can be really hard first of all, to seek therapy when you're. 

Or coaching when you're super successful and feel like you have a little bit of a chip on your shoulder. And I know that was, that was my case for ever. Um, I can do it a lot on my own. And then you reach this plateau and you're like, okay, well, I don't want to, I don't want to be the idiot that just doesn't ask for help. So eventually, so now look at me, I have a therapist and a coach and I'm super happy and feel really good about it and I'm thriving and, and, uh, and my life, right. 

So I want that for you. So sometimes, you know, my clients just come to me for accountability and they're just doing their. , Weekly or monthly. , , oil change and that's enough for them. They're just like, Hey, I have these goals. I want some accountability, like check in with them, with me, give me some ideas. Um, and, and so with my coaching clients, that's a lot of the time what I do. I help them with goal setting insights, accountability, allow them to see. 

Like what they're missing maybe and, um, and how they can reach their goals. And we can get them from a to B. So. Figuring out the best fit for you. You want to get someone who gets you, who gets your world? Who understands your issues? You know, that's gonna take a lot of pressure off and that's going to save you a lot of time and having to explain yourself and your background and where you're coming from. 

 Obviously Professionals. I work with different people, have nice jobs and careers, but we have this overarching connector. Like I get high stress situations. I get high stress jobs. Um, and so the nitty gritty isn't, so isn't so much as, you know, as important as someone who gets the high stress, who understands you wanting to perform optimally at the highest level possible. That's really important, right? 

So picking someone who gets you, gets your world, gets your issues and is well versed in those. Um, and then the next piece is someone you feel comfortable opening up to doing like a vibe check with, you know, that's why I do my free 15 minute consults with new clients. Right? Like it's, it goes both ways. Like, do I want to spend time with you? 

Yes. Therapist's asked that question. Right. Do I want to spend time with you. Um, can I help you? Those are, I mean, I don't really ask, like, do I want to spend time with you? My, but I mean, I I'm thinking that for sure. Like when I'm meeting with a new client in our 15 minute console, I'm thinking. 

Okay. Is this person in my niche? Like, can I help them? Right. And what are their issues that are, you know, what are their biggest issues that they're struggling with right now? And like, is that a space? Is that a group, a great fit for me and what I do. And if it's not a great fit for me and what I do, I refer out. 

Right. And that's what good therapists. , should do, right? Like if you're coming to me and I'm not, well-versed in. OCD, which I'm not. I would refer out to this really amazing therapist that I know who specifically works with clients who have  severe OCD, right?  So we want to do a vibe check and make sure that I'm a good fit for you. And that you're a good fit for me. , and so that's really important. So if you're looking for a therapist or coach. 

And that's not me. That's not someone. , and I'm not a good fit for you, right. And when you're doing a 15 minute consult with someone else, really take advantage of that and do a vibe check. Can this person help me have a list of questions ready for them? Um, and just do your due diligence there, and you want to be able to have confidence that they can help you. That's the biggest thing, right? You want to be able to, to have confidence and. 

Be able to trust them because you're going to be really vulnerable. And do you want to, you want to be in a space where you feel like you're not walking on eggshells or this person reminds you of your mom? Like that's awkward and it's not good. And it's not going to be helpful for you. You're not gonna, you're not gonna grow. 

Okay. So. , I'm an athlete, works with athletes, specialize in working with clients who need help with. Stress boundaries, performance, anxiety, perfectionism people pleasing.  Things like sleep, routines, injuries, and trauma. That's my jam. You know, I help clients with mindfulness and love to incorporate all of these different tools into my practice. So if I'm a good fit for you. 

Awesome. Make sure to contact me. Shoot me an email, , go to the website,  if this wasn't enough for you. And if I'm not a good fit for you now, you have all of these tools. You have this template, this framework. So that you can go and do your research on your own and figure out someone else that could work for you, , or your kid, if you're, looking for therapy or coaching for. 

Someone else in your life, then definitely go, go and do that. You have a template for that now. And if  I'm the best person for you  make sure to reach out to me. , share this episode with someone who could be looking for a therapist or coach, and is just maybe on the fence and needs just a little bit more info. 

Then this episode, hopefully should have provided some of that for you. So if you have any more questions, anything I'm always happy to answer those. Make sure you. You DME, you can on Instagram, you can,  shoot me an email. I'm always happy to respond to those for you guys. So hopefully you got something out of this episode. Thank you guys so much for joining me and just for your continued support. 

It's my two year anniversary for the podcast. So I'm just kind of reflecting on. How far I've come and where I've been going from, you know, Struggling to put out episodes consistently and now being on a weekly. , scheduling basis and. Having hired like a social media person to help me, like the business has grown so much and the podcast has grown so much and I'm so grateful. 

, just for all of your support. So make sure you also DME or email me, if you guys have any ideas for future episodes. I'm always happy to take those into consideration. I'm super excited about the episodes we have coming ahead. I got some really bad-ass guests that I'm looking forward to, uh, having conversations with. So. 

Again, I hope everyone has an amazing rest of your week  take care of yourselves, be well, and I will see you on the next episode.   

  📍 Thanks so much for joining us on the Mindful Warrior Alliance Podcast. If today's episode spoke to you in some way, share it with your friend and leave us a review. It helps us to reach more warriors like you. Don't forget to follow us on social media and head to mindful warrior alliance.org to connect with our community access resources and stay up to date on what's coming up next.

Until next time, take care of your mind. Stay strong and be mindful.