Finding Joy in the Journey: IVF, Support, and Letting Go with Amanda from CNY Fertility”

In this deeply personal and inspiring episode, I’m joined by Amanda, a nurse and the global travel patient coordinator at CNY Fertility. Amanda has been with CNY for over 16 years and has grown from folding towels and scheduling acupuncture to leading remote care for patients traveling from all over the world. We talk about how she found her way into the fertility field completely by accident—and never looked back.

I first met Amanda during our own IVF journey at CNY’s Albany clinic, and she was one of the people who made that emotional rollercoaster feel manageable—even enjoyable at times. Her warmth, empathy, and deep understanding of the patient experience shine through in this conversation.

We explore:

• Amanda’s journey from nail tech to RN and global patient care manager
• The unique culture of CNY and what sets it apart from other fertility clinics
• Why letting go of rigid expectations is so key to navigating infertility
• How a supportive team and environment can make all the difference
• The emotional toll of IVF—and how mindset plays a crucial role in the process
• What Amanda has learned from working with thousands of patients over the years

If you’re in the thick of an infertility journey, considering IVF, or just want a hopeful reminder that you’re not alone—this episode is for you. Amanda reminds us that while the path may be uncertain, you don’t have to walk it alone. ❤️

Struggling with infertility, loss, or postpartum challenges? Mindful Warrior Alliance offers FREE mental health counseling, IVF scholarships, and family-building resources for military members & spouses.
👉 Learn more and get support at mindfulwarrioralliance.org

Transcript

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Hi, I'm Carrie bge, military spouse, licensed therapist, and founder of Mindful Warrior Alliance. Welcome to the Mindful Warrior Alliance Podcast, your go-to space for real conversations around mental health IVF, fertility and military life. Each week we connect with leading experts, service members, male spouses, and thought leaders to bring you tools, insights, and stories to support your journey. Whether you're navigating deployment, fertility treatments, or just trying to stay grounded, you're in the right place. I think it is. And we're good. Hello everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Mindful Warrior Alliance podcast. I am so excited to have my guest here today. We have Amanda Murray. She is a nurse at CNY at Fertility Clinic. Um, she's also the coordinator, patient manager for the global travel patients, and she's been at CNY for. Did you say 16 years? 16 years, yeah. Wild. Oh my goodness. And I had the pleasure of meeting Amanda, uh, last year when we did our. IVF cycle through CNY, Albany. And yeah, so that's when I fell in love with Amanda and recruited her for the podcast. And here we are, a year later. A year and some change later. Um, yeah, or a little, I mean, over a year, right? Because our, oh, yeah. Yeah. Rogue is a year. She's a year. So it's been a minute since we've been at the clinic, but, and now we're going back next, uh, yeah. In just a couple weeks. So I'll get to see Amanda again. Yay. Um, awesome. Well, welcome to the podcast, Amanda. Thanks for making this happen. I'm so glad to have you. Of course. So happy to be here. Thanks for having me. Yeah, 100%. I, I always just rave about c and y when people talk to me about. You know, IVF and infertility, and I'm like, gosh, I, I know not everyone has had my experience and Austin and my experience, but I'm like, I, you know, you and Rebecca and your team at CNY just made it the most, uh. Dare I say, enjoyable, you know, as close as you can get. Right? Like when you're around a good team of people. Absolutely. So you guys are just doing something special over there and I, yeah, I'm just so grateful for you. So I wanna kind of just talk about that a little bit, just like what attracted you to seeing Y and just the, you know, this fertility space that you're in, was it kind of by accident or by design, or how, how the heck did you get there? Totally by accident. So. To try to make the longest story short, my dad actually was moving equipment for a med spa that was joining CNY Albany at the time, and he just happened to be chatting and I just had finished high school and went and did cosmetology in high school and he started chatting up this manager of the spa and she was like, Hey, we'd love to bring her on. So I started at CNY as a nail tech, folding towels, checking people in, scheduling people's acupuncture. I would just get these patients that would come through and they would be just so happy and like excited and like ready to go to their transfer or their IUI or whatever they were doing that day. And it just like really made me quite like, what are they doing downstairs? Like, I have to know, I was 18 years old. I was like, why are they so happy to be down there? I don't think this is a very happy place. Um, and so I started just kind of helping out doing paperwork, you know, helping where I could, cleaning rooms, empty garbages, and just the whole. Feel of the good, the bad, you know, the ugly. Just seeing how the nurses were so supportive, seeing how they were not only supportive of the patients, but supportive of each other. I'm like, this, this is what I need to do. So I eventually went back to school and I got my LPN and then when I was like totally all in committed, I said, yep, I gotta go back and just do the whole thing. So I got my RN and now I manage the, the remote side of things. So. Ugh. That's so cool. I love that story. What could, could possibly be going on downstairs that makes these people so happy? Right? Like supposed to be like scary or why aren't they scared? Like I really was very curious. You hear all this taboo about like fertility and the experience and people so sad and you know, then you get this other side of it and it's, you know, even if things don't work out, the support that I think I saw people give and receive was just something that I had to be a part of. So. That's so cool, man. That's awesome. I, I love hearing that. And I think sometimes it's, yeah. Not necessarily by design. You kind of, uh, just serendipitously kind of fell into it and happened and, and that's where you've stayed. So like obviously like where we are. Yeah. The culture there. They're doing, they're doing something right. What do you, what do you think it is? Like, what do you think it is about a culture about. C and y that like makes it different.'cause I hear people's stories. I won't put any fertility clinics on blast, but like I, people have wildly different stories about their care and experience at different clinics. So like how did you guys get it right? What do you do differently? I mean, yeah, it's, so the only thing that I can really relate it back to is we started as just such a small. Clinic. You know, we started with our Syracuse branch. We branched out to Rochester and Albany, and it was really just the three of our clinics for a long time. And so you knew who worked in Rochester, you knew who worked in Buffalo. Um, you know, you were able, or in Syracuse, you were able to kind of still have these connections with these other clinics, have really close connections with your patients because we were so small still. Right. And I think what really has helped us is no matter how much we've grown. That mindset from Dr. Kilts. You know, he'll send us a, our owner will send us a video every couple months and just tell us how crowd he is. And if I call him, he says, hi Amanda. You know? Um, and so he's really kept it family and personal and small and that's just kind of what we like to now keep giving to our patients no matter how big we get. Um, right. I just think that connection and just keeping it really to the core of what our values are, uh, has just made it what it is today. So. That's awesome. Dare we say CNY is like the mom and pop fertility shop. Yeah, exactly. And it's, you're welcome. It's crazy too to be able to see the growth obviously. I mean, you know, now we have 10 offices, we're on track to open two or three more this year. And you know, just to be able to say I was a part of that has been fantastic. Oh shoot. There you are. I'll edit that out. Yeah, so you're on Yeah, we're on track to, to open up two or three more clinics. Yes. Yep. This year. Um, which will be awesome. They're down in north or not Norfolk, we just opened Norfolk. They're down in, um, Nashville right now. So in Nashville. Oh my gosh. So there'll be two or three in the Nashville area, one in Nashville. And then, uh, California and Texas are next on our radar, so. Gotcha. Just moving. Okay, that's wild. Okay. Super cool. So what is like, since you've transitioned now, like from. Your RN role, which I'm gonna force you to go back in when I go in a couple weeks, obviously I'll be there. Uhhuh. Um, what is the favorite, like what's your favorite part about your role that you get to do now? Um, you know, and just being, I mean, a little less in person engagement for sure, but like, what's your, yeah. What's your favorite part about Yeah. Well, so for me, I mean I, you know, again, it's just all about that support and it's a scary process no matter where you are, no matter if you're coming into a clinic, you know, every other day, it still feels scary and overwhelming and hectic and like you don't know anything and you feel stupid and you feel just lost. So the favorite part for me now and why I really kind of was striving to get over to this remote side is. I wanna make that experience feel just as good if you were in the office, if not better. Yeah. So just being able to communicate, educate, you know, keep people in the loop, kind of give that office feel to the people that I'm bringing in, in training as nurses to be able to share with the clients. Um, you know, that's been a favorite for me and kind of what I enjoy the most is just trying to make sure that we're still feeling that in-person touch, even if I'm not actually in front of you. So. Yeah. I love that. Well, yeah. Comes across for sure, like just the warmth and like the culture is. Yeah. It's just awesome. I have nothing but but great things to say about you guys. You're, you're my favorite. You're so great. People are like, why are you so excited to go to IVF? I'm like, because Amanda is amazing. You guys don't even know. What do you mean? So you hang out with friends. It's something people dread what I mean, and not to make light of it, it's obviously like a, you know. And infertility is, can be dark and scary and overwhelming and, and all the things, and that's a piece of it. But I think once you get to the, the point where there's some action oriented steps mm-hmm. Where it is IVF, um, you know, and you just start to kind of maybe realize that like your attention being spent in what you can control, right? Which is your breath and your attitude and your mood and all the things, right? So it's that, that focusing your attention on those things is. So much more. You know, it's time that's so much better well spent, um, which is why I'm. Positive what I'm talking about IVF versus like the negative piece, you know?'cause it's, yeah. That a tension, you can't, you can't get back. Right. And it's, it's, yeah, negative, negative negativity doesn't necessarily lead to, we'll kind of talk about this in a second, but outcomes, I'm curious, you know, negative mindsets and negative people who are, who are just a little bit of a Debbie Raincloud. I don't know. Uh, maybe there's still. Getting good outcomes, but it's maybe more helpful to have a positive outlook. I don't know what, what you think about that. Yeah, so I mean, I think the hardest part for a lot of people is it's the fear of the unknown. You, you come into this, you don't really know truly what it all entails until you do it. Um, and I think that it's very. Easy to try to take control, to try to manipulate everything and plan everything. And you want a certain date and it worked like this for your friends. So this is how you need it to work for you. And I, I think the biggest thing, and I'm glad you brought this up, that I can like offer, is you have to let go. And I know that sounds a little crazy, but. Anything new is scary. Whether it's a new job, whether it's a new hobby, whether it's a medical treatment, whether, you know, whether you're choosing to come here for one reason or the other, or because you, you have to come and see, you know, spend time with us and not do treatment. And the quicker that you can. Just let it go. Like, we've got you, we're here, we're gonna make it work. Might not go exactly the way that we expect it to or you expect it to, but that's just, that is part of the process and I think the more we let go of what we think it's going to be, I. The easier it becomes to just embrace what it is and what your personal journey is, because it's never gonna be the same. I can see the same patient back two months in a row and do the exact same thing, and I'm gonna have two totally different outcomes. Um, you know, so I think a lot of people kind of hold onto what was on the Kardashians last week and how, how they turned out, and like, that's just what we expect. And I think, you know, uh, just letting go and, and just trusting in the process is a huge step. And will ultimately I think, make your experience a lot less scary. Dare I say, as you said, more enjoyable. You know, you kind of just start to feel a little bit more comfortable in it. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. I think. Is that something that you've seen? Just obviously, like you've seen so many patients come through the door and there varying experiences and stress levels and anxiety levels and all the, all the mental health that kind of comes with, uh, you know, infertility and doing something that's a, that's in the unknown and a little bit scary is that. Like a pattern that you've seen of like those who are able to let go, just generally have an easier time or like what are some of the, the patterns that you've seen as far as like mental health goes and then, you know, for, for patients? Well, I think, yeah. I think when you come in with a set expectation of what it needs to be for you. The minute that something goes awry from that, it will send you into a tailspin. Yeah. And whether or not it was good or bad, some things that went completely wrong, if I'm looking at a textbook and it ended up being the patient's best cycle, you know, and so I think, you know, the minute that you put an expectation to this is the minute you're kind of setting yourself up for failure. And that sounds a little harsh. We wanna expect the best. We wanna hope for the best. But the minute you start putting all these timelines and restrictions, and this is what it has to be, and you know, I, this clinic did this for me and this, why aren't you doing this? You know, there's just so many different ways to go through this process and I, I think the minute that we can just kind of let go of what those expectations are, I. Your mental health will be so much better because now there is no disappointment. There's no I failed at this, or this was a day earlier, a day late, or, you know, any of those things just, we relieve that from the beginning and just kind of go into it and, and let your body do its work. Your body's gonna get there. We're gonna help it. You know, you gotta just let your body do its thing and the easier that you can be on yourself, the better I think that you'll feel and the better it will turn out for you. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that the truth? I think like there's so many opportunities. When I think about my cycle last time, and you have so many. You know, women and, and couples come through the door who are like, these type A beautiful perfectionists. Like my ideal clients that I like to work with in my, my private practice, you know, have a hard time letting go. And I was one of those, you know, one of those women, one of those people. And you hear all the things, but obviously they don't apply to you. Well, I'm not, yeah. Other people are supposed to let go, but that doesn't, you know. But not for me. I gotta clean on really tight.'cause that's gonna be better, but it's really hard to, you know, you rationally know that, and then it's like, how do you. How do you action that? What does that look like to, to, to let go of these different stages when things don't go right. You know, and I think it comes down to having a support, a having a supportive team who like knows their shit and who like, that's obviously helpful because they're, if you're dealing with a lot of Type A patients who do their research and, and are, are up on things and advocating for themselves, it makes them feel even more comfortable and confident when they have providers who are like. Listening up on their game, like know their stuff can offer out of the box solutions and who are good, you know, good. Making them feel supported. But that's a big piece of it. But then if you have support yourself from like your inner circle and you know, a therapist or like a team of mm-hmm. Providers, you know, that's helpful too. Right. Then feeling like, I'm curious what you've seen in terms of like the support system and. Because it can be really isolating. And what, what do you guys kind of offer for, for folks as far as like wraparound care for mental health and stuff and you know, and there's still stu such like a stigma about fertility treatment, which I think is crazy because we've been doing this now for a very long time. Um, much longer than the 16 years that I've been here. So, you know, a lot of patients I think are, are. Scared to talk about it. Still scared to get too vulnerable. Um, you know, you see your three best friends from college pregnant, and it's, they're on their third baby and it hasn't happened for you. So then you feel like you've failed or you've done something wrong to deserve what, you know, what is now happening. Um, yeah. So yeah, I mean, having a support person, a personal support person, whether that be. A parent, um, a partner, a friend, you know, somebody that you reach out to through here. You know, we do a lot of, um, like fertile friends where, you know, you can kind of get linked up with somebody who it has gone through the experience or is going through the experience and it's. It's something to make you feel a little less alone. Um, you know, I almost hesitate sometimes to use your partner as that only sole support person because I think that can also lead to sometimes a little bit of conflict. You know, you're now mad at each other. You're taking it out on each other, you know, so while partners always a good thing, and we want you guys to be on the same team, like don't be afraid to reach out outside of that. And that's for the men too. We always talk about the ladies. I think the guys Yep. You know, need that, uh, support too, wherever that comes from. Um, but then, yeah, it's always good to have a professional, uh, that you can check in with, you know? Yeah. I might say, you know, Hey, I'm feeling great and I I can definitely handle this. And then why am I snapping at everybody every five minutes? You know? Yeah. I'm not relating it back to what's happening, but, so having someone you can kind of talk those things out with too, um, who's a little bit more experienced in how to navigate and how to explain to you what's happening. Because sometimes that's confusing too. Why do I feel this way? Everything's going fine in my treatment cycle. Why am I upset? You know, and it's just a stressful thing. So, um, you know, webinars, any sort of, you know, support groups you can get in on and honestly, education. I think is huge. Knowledge is power. Read about it. You know, like give yourself the tools and I think that will also make you feel a lot more confident and comfortable going into treatment. I. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's, it's super important. I think like having your partner, having that support is, is super helpful. But then there's also, I mean, especially within the military community, right? Like there's just not a lot of like. Austin was able to be present for our RVS cycle, which was great, but like, that's not just, everyone's scenario is, is so different and I think mm-hmm. Um, it's, it's hard to have one person be your everything. Right. So to have like a, a holistic kind of wraparound, um, support system is, is really good. And, and hopefully people are getting more and more comfortable, you know, talking about it. Um, you know,'cause it is. Yeah, it's, it's a vulnerable topic for sure. And it's like, okay, if I talk about infertility, like what does that mean for me? And um, you know, and that came up for me for a long time too. It's like, oh gosh, I felt like I was, you know. Just what message, you know, what, what am I don't know. What does that say about me? Like if I'm like mm-hmm. Putting, combining these two things and my identity and all these things that are kind of wrapped up in this, in infertility and, and the truth is, it's like sometimes our bodies just do weird things and we don't really necessarily understand them. And, and it's a, it's a timing thing and it's, it's a logistics. Thing. And it's, you know, so it's, it's tough. And as a military spouse, like you have to make these decisions sometimes with your, you know, the timing of deployments and things like that. And it's like, okay, do we wanna wait another year and what does this look like?'cause my partner's here now and I wanna try and, you know, it's so, it's, yeah, it's tough. Like it's, especially for the military community, I think,'cause it, it can be so isolating when they're not around. You know, we're not around our family, you know, Austin's family is eight hours away from us. My family's. 2000 miles away. Um, so all you have are like these new friends in this new community that you move to and yeah, you know, it's tough sometimes. And how much do you wanna just be, you know, spewing all of your problems out at somebody you just met? You know, you. Hi. Thanks for waiting over for dinner, but here, I'm gonna just upload all my problems on you now. Um, I know. Definitely tough. And we do, we work with a ton of military families. We, you know, and we see the struggles, you know, hey, I don't know where we're gonna be in six months, but I wanna get my partner's sperm frozen, or I wanna freeze my eggs and, or, we have a lot of same-sex couples that come through and I think, you know, the uncertainty of where these military families are gonna be. Paired with everything we go through. It's, you know, infertility treatment. It's just a double whammy. Um, but what I will say is, is just know that you can talk to us, you know, if you tell me what your fears are and what is on your mind and what might be causing hesitation to start. Like, we can always find a workaround. I'm never worried about that. We've. Done some out of the box things and we will continue to do that. And you know, we're lucky to have a super supportive owner who's like, Hey, I don't know if that'll work, but let's try it so we can, you know, at least give him a chance. Um, yeah, and I think that's really important too, is just a clinic to have the flexibility to help you work around these life things that you know, okay, yeah, I guess you signed up for, but we don't know what's gonna happen in six months, you know? For sure. Yeah. No, it's true. And I think like that's something that I most respect about, um, Dr. Kilts, like he was on my podcast like a while ago, and we spoke about so much about nutrition and just his holistic perspective on like what creates like, you know, just better mental health, better outcomes overall. And it's like, it's. It's these pillars of our, of, of the decisions that we make every day when it comes to our mental health and our nutrition, our exercise, our sleep, like all the things. And so it's just cool to like have, you know, people that have your back that are truly like, want the best for you. Like, yes, it's a business, but like they do want the best for you and someone who's willing to think outside the, outside the box versus like the rigidity and ness. Sometimes that can come with like. The infertility, you know, space and, and the clinics and things like that. You want someone who like, isn't truly in your corner, you know? So like, that's, that's, that's awesome. And I so appreciate that about, about y'all. Um, and I wanted, um, I wanted to ask, well, I was talking to Austin last night and he is. He's outta the country. But, um, I was like, what should I ask Amanda? Like, what do you, what do you think we should ask her? And he's like, ask her what her craziest IVF story is. And I was like, oh, do you mean like if you know someone's sperm got mixed up or she's like, I don't know if she'll, she'll be able to tell that. Yeah. But yes, he's cur that's like his worst. Fear. Um, so he, he's like, don't mention if she has that story, maybe don't say that to me or let me know about it, but, but if you have like a wild, I don't know whether it's like a good outcome, like, you know, where someone had like all these crazy things happen and then like it, you know, it's, it's still worked out. Um, but, or maybe it's like. I don't know, like a wild patient that had an interesting personality. I don't know. Like what? Yeah. What's your wildes? Oh my God. You've seen a lot. You've seen a lot of, yeah. I mean, I don't it, the funny part though, about being here for so long is. Nothing really is ever like surprising. Any, like, nothing really bothers me anymore. I'm like, oh, this person just screamed at me and told me they hate me and they wanna ruin my life. I'm like, cool. Okay. You know, this person's crying. God. That's another Tuesday. Yeah. Yeah. Said that they loved me'cause they forgot who they were talking to on the phone when they hung up. Like, that's cool. Love you too. Like, I don't know, we just can roll it. Um, but no, no crazy like mix ups or anything like that, I would say. Okay. That's good. Set. I'll be my favorite couple story right now. Okay. No thanks, but this is just hilarious. You're gonna love it. Please. So, very last cycle. Can't really afford to go through more. They're doing IVF, they're doing transfers. We get to IUI, we go backwards a little bit, but we're doing IUI.'cause they're like, Hey listen, this is all we can do, right? And I'm like, it's all good. Like, we've got it. We're gonna figure this out. Hilarious couple. Nice through it all never mean even in all these failures, like they were great. Um, I'm sitting outside the room while they're getting their IUI done and all of a sudden I hear Marvin Gaye, let's get it on. And her husband is playing this song for her in the IUI room while she's having her trigger. IUI done. And Oh, I hear laughing and like, it's so hilarious. They come out, they're just beaming. Like, it was so funny. They're like, whatever. Like, we'll see what happens. Don't they get pregnant on this cycle? And they still, every year will send me pictures like birthday cards and you know, Christmas cards and everything. And that was, gosh. Nine or 10 years ago. Um, oh, what was the most hilarious thing ever? We were all cracking up. Like they were just, you know what it is what it is, kinda, you know, and it worked out, so, oh my gosh. I love that. I've heard of like, yeah, I've heard of like, fun things like that happening.'cause you're trying to like, personalize it, right? Like where it's like this, you know, this thing where you're a little bit disconnected or disengaged, but like, I, I love that. That's amazing. That speaks to like. Still letting go and just like the overall like mindset of like mm-hmm. Hey, we're truly just, we're how we're at. And like, we can't control anything. And like, let's at least, and it's, you know, and it's so, yeah. And I, I can't even, so even the amount of people will come in, have their initial consult, we give them this plan. We're going through all the offs, we're doing all this leg work. We're like, yes, we got it. And then I get the call and they're like, so I had a consult two weeks ago and I just found out I'm pregnant. Um, can you still help me? You know, it's just like, as soon as I feel like you get that like relief for like, okay, there's a plan now. Like I don't have to worry so much right now. It's like the world does crazy things. So that'll be my big takeaway from this whole thing today is you just, you like. Let all of it go because what will be will be, yeah, you stressing and like working yourself up and you know, potentially hindering relationships you have with like family, friends, your partner, like, because you have to have control over this. It's not going to. Benefit it, you know? Um, yeah. I'm not telling you to not ask the questions. I'm not telling you to not be engaged or involved or Yeah. Question what I'm ask, you know, what I'm telling you to do. But, you know, at a certain point, I think when you just kind of take that deep breath out and, you know, really just let the experts handle it, it's like, okay, you know, now it's, yeah. Now it's in a higher power hand than what we can do. So, yeah, I love that. I mean, the stress really does. Touch like so many different, you know, aspects of our day and like when our cortisol's riding that high. Right. It's impacting Yeah. Our relationships, like our interactions like at work, at, you know, all the, all the things. So it's, yeah, it is super stressful. I think that's. It's funny, I just talked to like one of my best friends the other day and she was like, what can I do to support you? Like the sweetest thing ever through IDF and all the things and what can I, you know, what can I do? Should I send you food? And like just the sweetest thing. I'm like, no, like, we're pretty chill about it, honestly. Like we're going to Austin's parents like Lake Place and like. Just kind of, and again, not to like, you know, make, make light of a, of a situation that like, for some people that's maybe not their experience and they're really have such a heavy heart and like, it's a big thing for them. And I get that it's a big thing for us too, but it's like ultimately, like, where do you wanna focus your time and attention and energy and like, it's, it's like, all right, I want to be happy. And it takes too, too much like. Bandwidth to be like angry and hold onto all that shit and you know that your body's like holding onto that shit too. Yeah. So like when you think about from like the cellular level and like all the, your nervous system and it's like, you know, and yeah. I mean, I work, yeah, it's, it's a lot. So it's all linked and then you're not sleeping good and then you're, you know, making yourself sick to the point where you don't wanna eat. And you know, again, it's not to say you can't feel all the feels about. This treatment, but science is also really great now. Like, it's like insane to me, like just the things that can be done in labs and it's just, it's so, it's so cool. And it's just, if, if there was ever a time to be struggling with this, honestly the time is now. And so, you know, you just have to figure out what works for you on, on your end. And it's okay. It's all right to have a freak out every now, like I said, I, people that yell at me all day and then they get it out and they're crying and I'm like. What do you need from me? And they're like, honestly, like that was it. I'm good. Like I feel better now. And I'm like, okay, if it's, listen, if that's what I have to be, I'll be your soundboard. Um, you know, that's so sweet. You know, it's just sometimes you just gotta get it out and you know, a lot of times those are the people that don't have those outside supports and they're like, this is all I have and we're happy to be that. But you know, I also. Am not able to then go back up and follow up and be like, I should call her back in a couple days. You know, because there's just so much other stuff going on. So having an outside, you know, group of people too, um, that you can kind of, you know, knock all of these bad thoughts and ideas off of to get'em off your chest. I think sometimes it's saying it out loud. You're like, okay, you know, like that causes some relief, you know? Um, yeah. It was super important to just have your system in place before starting. Um, you know, you don't wanna get into the midst of it and into the thick of things and then be like, oh God, I really wish I had reached out to somebody. I need, I need some help, you know? Yeah. One. Yeah, 100%. I think that the education piece is like, is just really important and yeah, and just having, having a plan in terms of like supports versus like the logistical, sometimes that stuff is helpful. Right. And I think it's, it's, it's really hard for people to like decipher, like how much to advocate for themselves and then like when to let go. That's always been my. My issue. Right. And I have to walk the walk.'cause I work with clients all the time where I'm like, okay, like when is this worth your, like your mental health, like literally your bandwidth. And like, when are we gonna, like what can we choose to let go of like just for right now. Right? Yeah. And, and that's okay. Um, and, and sometimes it's really just about having. Just that comfortable, like that, that trusting someone enough to be able to, to, to let that go, which I think is, is challenging sometimes.'cause lots of people wanna think that they, they have all the answers, but ultimately Right. It's like trusting, like, alright, like I am not an REI, like, I'm gonna pass this off and like, Jesus take the wheel. You know? Yeah. And that's, that's enough. Yeah. You know? Yeah. No, I like that. Yeah. It's a good, it's a good example. I mean, I mean, yeah. And Austin and I, I mean, last, um. Yeah, for our cycle with Rogue. I mean, it's so cool to be able to like tell her story now and we had the opportunity to be like really upset or really anxious and really, I mean, and sad just about like all of our eggs dying except her and we were just like, I was just gonna say that your cycle was one of those ones where we're like. Why did this happen? But now we know why. Now we have rogues. It's, it's crazy, right? It's, it's so wild because you think like, ultimately, you know, and I've been a part of these Facebook groups and different in social media and people find community there, and I get in and get out and I'm like, dude, I, I can't, like, I gotta, you gotta be real intentional and then just GTFO. Um, but like. I think sometimes with those groups, it's all about comparison of like numbers and eggs and blah, blah, blah, and the fresh versus the frozen with endo. And like, I'm like, bro, like let's just, I mean I, yeah, as soon as it's somebody starts, it's a lot. Starts with, so on Facebook I read, uh, that's usually where I'm like, okay, we're gonna, I'm gonna actually cut it off right there. What's the question? I don't wanna hear what you read because I could tell you a million reasons why. Amanda's cycle and carry cycle are extremely different. Yes. You're the same age, but what's your BMI? How many cycles have you done? What's your A MH like? There's just so many things we factor into it, so yeah, the Facebook. A little bit. I think people are getting like some weird advice out there that I'm like, you know, they call and they're asking, you know, first timers, they're asking questions about all these crazy drugs. I'm like, what? Why, where is this coming from? Like, you don't need any of this. Okay. It's the Facebook group. No, it's so wild. I think like sometimes. It's comforting for people to like have that community, right? Mm-hmm. Like, oh, just like the bullet or like, what worked for you? Like, what worked, what's gonna work for them? And like, it's honestly just, yeah. Like that's not, it's, it's just not realistic, right? And so I think like trying to figure out, um. Yeah, like to, to rogue story, you know, Austin talk, Austin and I talk about it all the time. We're like, why did, like literally all of our exide except for her. And it's like, it's not that anything, it was just always meant to be that way, that like she was the only one that was ever supposed to make it because. She just needed to be here and it just needed to be like that. Clear, you know? Yeah. And like that's our mindset for it. It's not like anything else. It's like, oh, we have to start over this cycle, or you know, whatever. It's like she's here, she's a fucking rock star. Mm-hmm. And it was just meant to be so clear. Right. And like sometimes for other folks, like the messages can be different or maybe not so clear or whatever. But at least for us, like that's the. You know, that, that that's kind of our mindset kind of going in. Mm-hmm. And, um, you know, and, and everyone kept saying, I remember like, oh, it only takes one. It only takes one. And I was like, gosh, these people and their positivity. Like, what? I was like, yeah. You know, and I was, I was like, discouraged. I was like, yeah, but, you know, which is mm-hmm. It's, but it's so true. Like, yeah, it's just that, but you don't wanna hear that in the moment. It's just like, you're just like. Dude, but I, you know, you know the attrition rate and all the things are happening past that point. Hard to kind of wrap your brain around, but ultimately. I remember I was at the lake and we heard that and I was telling Austin, I was like, damn, man. Like it is what it is. Like we can't hands up, you know? And we just said hands up. And then, yeah, it was wild, you know, the, the way that things happen, but it just, you know, things work out and sometimes they don't. And that's for a reason too. And you just gotta, gotta roll with it a little bit. But yeah. Um, a hundred percent, but we will, we will be back and we'll, we'll try our, try our hand again and we'll see what happens. You know, see what goes down. I know. Let's see. Um, yeah, I wanted to try to see like if, um, yeah, like if there's anything else that you think of in terms of like. Yeah, just the pillars that we kind of talked about, like between, you know, sleep and supplements and support systems and, um, yeah, just like what, what else do you feel like if anyone is maybe curious about doing IVF or they're trying to, um, just kind of grab, you know, grapple with, with infertility, like what? Where should they place their kind of focus and attention? Yeah, I mean, so a lot of what we've talked about, so like having a plan for support, you know, being, being ready to take this on because no matter. If you follow our advice today and just let go, it's still a process. You're still having blood work done every couple days, transvaal, ultrasound, every few days you're still injecting yourself with medication like it. No matter how much mentally we let go, it's still going to take a toll on us physically. Yeah. And just impact our day. And hey, I'm out to dinner, but now I have an alarm beeping because I have to go take a medication in the bathroom. You know it, it happens. So I mean. Having that support team, um, you know, just kind of being prepared, doing it when you're ready. Um, and I know that sounds a little loose, but you know, I, I tell people all the time, I just told one of my very good friends going through this, like, she's like, I have a trip coming up. I'm this, I'm that. I just had a failed cycle. I'm like, just do nothing this month. Do nothing. I promise you, and I promise anybody that's gonna be listening to this. One month to the next month is not gonna make any difference in the grand scheme of things. Yeah, I know. It feels like the end of the world and you've been trying forever, but being mentally and physically ready to go through this is important. Um, yeah. You know, and then other things, you know, light impact exercise, keep your body moving. You know, I think we hear these things like, you know, oh, I have to just like sit down all the time and I can't do so. No. Get your body going. Nothing crazy, but go for a walk with your partner every couple nights, you know? Yeah, bond that way. Start to have that connection, you know, take care of what you're eating. I'm not. Not gonna shove the keto carnivore stuff down, but you know, be mindful of what you're eating, right? You know, obviously if you're having a bag of popcorn for dinner, it's not really the most ideal thing. Some days you're gonna feel like it, but get some protein in there. I don't know. Put some peanut butter on your popcorn. Um, put some peanut butter on your popcorn, she says. And then honestly, my next biggest is have hobbies. Do do something else that you enjoy a couple times a week, you know, um, for me. I'm not going through this right now, but the gym, if I didn't go to the gym every couple days, like mentally, I'm just not there. And I don't care if I've had the easiest week ever in my entire life. Just that kind of, you know, comradery of having other people. That, um, routine that I get into. Like it's just how I start my day. And I think if you keep in mind that you're allowed to do other things during this, it will also give you some reprieve and take your mind off of it for that. 45 minutes to an hour. And I think that that's important too, is just to give yourself a little bit of a break every now and then. Oh, that's such a good, I love what you said. That's such a good point. Because I think like, yeah, to what you just said, if you could remember that this is a thing in your day, like it doesn't have to be some like intoxicating, like con consuming. All consuming thing that like, there's so many other hours in your day, like yes, you're maybe shoving the, you know, whatever, like the, the. Pro. Is it the progesterone? What do you insert vaginally? Three times a day. Yeah. Yeah. Sucks. But you know, progesterone, there's just so many things. Yeah. But I think it's, yeah, it's a, it's a part of the day. It doesn't have to be everything. I think that's like the coolest thing that, that you kind of said, and I, and you kind of touched on ways that you decompress. Like you're able to be a sounding board for people because you. Go and do your, your cleans and you're at the, you're doing your stuff. Doing my stuff, man. Yeah. Yeah. That's your, is that your ideal form of like, movement is go to the gym? Oh, yeah, yeah. I go to the gym. I, I have two dogs. I make sure to take them out and even if we don't do anything crazy, like. I keep my phone inside and I just, yeah. I go outside and I, I disconnect for a little while, you know? Yeah. I think that's another, like, we're talking about Facebook groups. People are just on their phones constantly googling articles and Yeah. Comparing and listening to all the chatter and, oh my God, this person hates seeing y fertility today and. I should be worried about coming to CNY now. You know, it's just like get all that outside chatter out of your mind. Yeah. Um, and you know, just focus on what's really important for you today. I'm not even telling you, you have to have your plan for the week together, but what can I do today where I'm gonna find some enjoyment, where I'm gonna be able to disconnect a little bit and just kind of like bring it back down to basics. Yeah. I love that. No, that's awesome. And I, okay, so two other things we didn't touch on. I wanted to go back to, um. The, just the cost, right? Like, so the cost of IVF, I mean, you guys are hands down, I mean the most affordable clinic, like in, in the States, right? So what is it that. Makes that possible. And what are other clinics? I mean, not that you can speak for them, you can only really speak for CNY, but like what the hell is happening where there's just such a massive discrepancy to where Yeah. CNY is able to offer, you know, IVF and IUI and, and. And, you know, all the treatments for such a drastically different price. Like what, what the hell is happening, Amanda? Yeah. So, you know, it's, again, it's going back to this little, what you call mom and pop fertility clinic, you know, Dr. Kilt started this with the dream to be able to allow anybody access to this care. We take you regardless of age, regardless of BMI, uh, ovarian reserve. We, we. You know, regardless of what you can pay, you know, we, we take you because we want this to be an opportunity for you. So throughout all of these years, he's just been very, very persistent on how do we structure things so that we don't have, you know, IVF doesn't cost as much as you're being charged for it. Right, right. So it's like, you know, what do we have to charge to complete that? Period. Um, yeah. And that's what he's kept to. And we've rarely changed our prices, maybe by a little bit since I've been here. Um, you know, but we, he's very bottom line. What do I have to charge you to basically get back what I put out there for you and this is it. Um, it, and that's as simple as it is. You know, we do have a different structure because of this. We're very nurse driven, which. I like, and a lot of our patients, like, because you're gonna get easier access to one of us who can very clearly and educated, um, you know, provide you with what you're looking for in terms of an answer to a quick question versus putting in a message for a doctor and scheduling an appointment, and am I gonna get a response and is it gonna be a response that I understand? Because sometimes these doctors are typing stuff and I'm like, I can't understand it. I'm never gonna be able to copy and paste this to the patient. Right. You know, so I, I think just the structure of who we are and just Dr. Kilts really sticking true to that. Hey, um, I want you to be able to do this. How can I make that happen? And this is just one of those ways. I love that. Yeah, so just putting other clinics on blast a little bit. Hey, like this is a, you know, just transparent pricing as far as, as far as that goes. It seems like, you know, and, and doing our research for fertility clinics too. There's so much, uh, so little transparency. It kind of seems like with, with a lot of clinics as well, where there's like a lot of just things that are kind of shielded from you or that are brought up later and it's just like really just. Transactional and, and icy and just not as transparent or honest as you would want. And that's been across the board. So many, you know. Folks that I've talked to have mentioned the same thing and like, so I think I just keep come coming back to like the culture and the transparency piece. Like it's the last thing you freaking need when you're kind of just struggling through this journey and you want, you don't wanna have these, like these insurance battles and like I. All the things, right? It's just like one less thing to worry about. If you have this structure, this pricing, you know what you're getting. Okay, maybe you can't afford it, but these that you're willing to work with with folks and it, it's drastically more affordable than, than other clinics. You know? It's, it's, it's wild. So, yeah. I mean, that's awesome. Well, thank you guys for just doing what you do. Right? Um, and so my last, um. Question I had from you, or were just regarding misconceptions, like what do you think, what do you wish people knew either about, um, you know, just seeing y or like misconceptions that you see, um, or hear about. IVF either like the process or infertility or just funny things that kind of come up where you're like, where did you, were you on Facebook again? Or like, where did you little TikTok like hacks that people come in with. I'm sure it's like, it not an eight seconds, like, isn't this true? You know, I, I think the biggest misconceptions and we, we've talked about it is, is just. Expecting your cycle to go. Like this next person cycle or like your friend who, you know, went through it, you know? Um, yeah, it, it's a lot of work. You know, you're, like we said, you're gonna go through times where you're at the clinic, wherever you're monitoring, you know, 2, 3, 4 times a week and having blood work and ultrasound and, you know, I would love to be able to tell every patient that starts their medications today, this is when your treatment is gonna be, your procedure's going to be this day. And there's no ifs or buts about it. It's just not that black and white. I think we want it to be because we want control. We wanna know what's happening. I wanna know exactly how it's gonna go and why can't you tell me that? I can tell you it to the best of my ability, but again, there's just a higher power that's bigger than you or me and they're who are in control. Um, yeah. So I. I think that's probably the biggest thing is just expecting that it's gonna go like a, B, C, that's it. And it's gonna be clean cut. Um, it's just never gonna be like that. And I, I wish I could tell you it was, but our bodies are, are nuts, you know, and it's bodies, timing. We're talking about a lot of stuff, pharmacies, insurance, you know, there's so many moving pieces that go into it that there, there's just no one way. So, you know, just. Be open, trust the process. Um, and I, I think that is the biggest takeaway, um, from our talk today is, you know, it's never gonna be perfect. Um, but you can make it at least as perfect as possible for you if you just kind of take time to recognize what that might mean to you. You know? And it's gonna be different for everybody. Yeah, yeah. No, that's, yeah, there's a lot of, a lot of moving pieces and I think. Trusting as hard as it is sometimes when you feel like your body is. Given up on you or is like rejecting all the things that you're, you're, you know, you're, you're trying to do. And, um, it's, it's really hard to kind of like, feel that sometimes, but I think the letting go piece is like, um, trying to act, trying to action that, right? Yeah. Like, what can I, what can I tangibly do today to kind of like, let go, well get outside for a walk or like do a little bit of breath work or, you know, phone a friend or something like that. Right. Just the, the little things, um, that, that's helpful. Doesn't have to be. All big, all at one time, you know? Yeah. And I would say just like patience too. I, you know, I, one of the harder things personally for me to navigate is I, everyone wants to start yesterday. You know? You come in for a consult and you're like, okay, I am ready to go. Um, my period's gonna come in two days. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Like, we've gotta do a, B, c. You know, it's, I know everybody wants to get started, but also just making sure that, you know, those, those moving pieces are in place, you know, it's gonna be way less stressful. You will have a a hundred times better experience if you just follow the process of, you know, what we're letting you know, you know, we, we kind of have this whole post consultation plan, and it's not because we wanna delay anybody, it's because. Taking this out of the cycle and having it all done beforehand, it's gonna feel like, you know, a breeze. You know, for lack of better term. Mm-hmm. When you start your period, and I'm telling you, Ooh, actually your insurance au hasn't come back yet.'cause we started too soon. Like, you're gonna hate me and you're gonna be stressed, and then you're gonna be freaking out. And then if it doesn't get approved, now you have a bigger bill than you anticipated. You know, it's just follow the steps, trust the process. Golden. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I think, yeah, there is so much additional stress with when it comes to, yeah, insurance and, and especially military and people who are paying out pocket as Austin and I are military, and TRICARE is, you know, not, not covering anything fertility related and it's like pulling teeth, trying to, you know, get things covered even if they should be covered. And so many military spouses and and members feel that. And I think that's, I mean, that's why we. Started, you know, our, our nonprofit. Yeah.'cause we were so sick of it. We're like, oh my gosh. Like we, there has to be other people that are going through this that are like also having to reserve a certain amount of bandwidth to have conversations with Tricare about, you know, our reimbursements and any, anything that can be covered. Right. It's like so stressful. And then the mental health piece is like in and of itself, um Right. Like it's, it's challenging to. Beyond those wait lists for TRICARE providers and then do they even specialize in infertility or like, right. Not that that's the end all be all, but it's so nice to feel someone to, to feel like you have someone who like gets it right. Like you mentioned like the fertile friends. Like you want someone who's like, walked that walk before and it's, it's, it's so cool. So like, yeah, I think it's. It's special to be able to, you know, have a pocket of support for, for military folks in particular, because we know that it's an isolating and expensive journey. You know, unless, yeah. I mean this journey, and I mean, I do, I thank anybody who's listening to this podcast who is a active military member, veteran partner of like, it's just, you know, you guys put in amazing work and to be able to. Be a part of any of that, you know, it's just so much bigger, I think, too than, than people realize. You know, I, I have very close ties to, to military and the fact that you guys are doing this in general, even just to spread awareness if for nothing else is absolutely fantastic. So, yeah. No, thanks Amanda. Yeah, it's. It's been, it's been fun. It's been, it's been good. And it's um, you know, it's, it's a whole nother beast. And Austin was like, do you wanna start a nonprofit while we're going through IVF? And then do you wanna try to grow while we're going through another round? Like, are you sure? And I'm like, oh yeah, it is hard to program manager. And she's type A and she's, we're getting so much shit done and Jessica can handle it. God bless Jessica. She's listening to this. Yeah. I need, she need, I need some type A in my life. That's not me. I'm just like, listen, I'll, we'll get to it when we get to it. So, no, I love, yeah. Her energy's ridiculous. She like, literally on this, uh, podcast. She is, uh, I saw a text coming from her. She's like, I, I ran my way through the to-do list already. I'm like, Jessica, it's like, just wow. Slow your roll. It's, it's 9:00 AM Yeah, she's great. I'll send her, I'll share her, uh, I'll share her only with you to, to no one else. She'll keep it up. Jessica, who? Yeah, she'll keep you on track and that way you can focus your energy where you need it, when that comes right. It gives you, well, that's the, that's the thing about having competent, like amazing, like support is that you then feel, I feel like, oh my gosh. Like she has this, that frees me up to like, go on a walk. Yep, exactly. Simple as that. You know, it's, it's, it's the tiny things that you just don't think about. Like, I dunno, it's, and we don't take. For granted enough, I think, you know, I, I, when I'm outside and I'm like just walking with the dogs, I'm like, it's so peaceful. Like, why don't I do this more often? And then else matters, and then it, you know, and then it happens again. So day by day we just have to make sure we take time for ourselves. You gotta keep, yeah, keep yourself accountable or have someone else that, you know, Austin comes home when he is not outta town. He comes home, he is like, did you talk to anyone who didn't pay you today? And I'm like, that's a nice way of saying I have no friends. Like, thanks. No I didn't. He's like, get outside. Like go like, what? Do your thing. Yeah. So the accountability. The accountability partners right's. Great. Um, Amanda, thank you. Yes. So much for just doing the podcast and sharing everything that you've shared and like if anyone has any questions or wants to reach out and, um, use Amanda as a, a sounding board. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, no, but where can, where can people, um, yeah, where, where should people go if they want, if they're now super curious about CNY and wanna do some treatment there, ask some questions and get started. Absolutely. So, um, www.cnyfertility.com. Um, there is just a contact us button on there, but I will tell you our website has a plethora of information. Pricing, treatment options, locations, what's offered everywhere. Um, yeah, but if you have more specific questions, just shoot a message in the contact us box. Um, it'll come to the nursing team, uh, or just schedule a consult. You can do that right through the website too. Our providers are all amazing. Just because you book a consult, you're not locked into treatment. So I think that's also maybe a misconception we to know add that's. Yes. Yeah. So it's okay. Just we can talk about it and if you decide never to come back, we're not gonna go hunt you down. It's okay. Um, it's just good to have that knowledge so. Amazing. Okay, amazing. Thank you so much. Thanks everybody. If you have any questions, go ahead and send them over to Amanda. Use their contact form and go check out mindful warrior alliance.org. I'll make sure to post our podcast there and do a blog and transcript. So go check that all over there if you want any of the information on this podcast. And thanks so much and we'll see you next time and stop recording. Yay. Thanks so much for joining us on the Mindful Warrior Alliance Podcast. If today's episode spoke to you in some way, share it with your friend and leave us a review. It helps us to reach more warriors like you. Don't forget to follow us on social media and head to mindful warrior alliance.org to connect with our community access resources and stay up to date on what's coming up next. Until next time, take care of your mind. Stay strong and be mindful.