Bottoms Up To: Airplane Boners, Freshman Docs, & Whipple's

This week, Michael and Colleen are flying high as they unpack midair erections, the chaos of fresh out of school doctors, and why Whipple patients deserve way more attention and survival credit than they get. It’s turbulence meets trauma with the usual mix of inappropriate laughter, questionable analogies, and a few too many hospital flashbacks. Grab a drink and keep your seatbelt fastened because this episode’s going to hit some altitude.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Paging Michael and Colleen. Paging Michael and Colleen.

SPEAKER_01 0:09

You're listening to Scrubs Off Bottoms Up.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Hey everyone, welcome back to Scrubs Off Bottoms Up. I'm Michael.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

And I'm Colleen.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

And welcome back to what is this? Episode three of season two, our new era. We have weights lifted off of our chest, and um, I'm back in like a little bit of a what type of era are we going to be classifying this as? Poor. Poor era.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Not we. Not we. I am.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

World tour.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

I'm so pure.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Uh I am pure. I'm not out there sleeping around, but the email's open, the books are open, the DMs are open. Colleen's.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

And I will be answering.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

And Colleen's answering. Anyway, Colleen, how was your week?

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Um, pretty good. I worked all weekend.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

Love that. I feel like that's all I ever do is work. Because I feel like when we do film, it's when you're not working.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Wait, yeah, that's actually crazy. Um, I had a horrible weekend. Why is that?

SPEAKER_00 1:15

Actually, I know exactly why, but can you give it to us like in a nutshell?

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Um actually, let me tell you something good about my weekend.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Okay, let's start out with positivity.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

One of my favorite patients finally woke up.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Okay, amazing.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Um, and that's like, okay, this is like a little deep, but that's that's like one of my favorite things to ever do in like going into the ICU, is like seeing someone who's like sedated, paralyzed for days or like even weeks. This guy he was sedated for I think it was like 18 days. That's ridiculous. Which is insane.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

We're like wanting to do an SAT on.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Oh, I wanted to wake him up so bad. Okay, like for days. I was like begging.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

You did end up waking him up. Yes, really amazing. Because the last I heard his vent settings were better and then getting a lot worse. Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

So he ended up waking up and like he's uh he's not doing anything yet. He just like kind of looks at me, and I know he's like, shut the fuck up and get out of my face. Because I will dance around the room. Like, I'm like, he was.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

He actually flashes her tits too.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

But I was like, when he opened, like when he like shook his head a little bit for me when I asked him to, I was jumping up and down, and like someone came in the room, they're like, What's happening? I'm like, he just shook his head.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Like wait, so is that why you wear a sports bra to work every day?

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Michael, come on!

SPEAKER_00 2:34

No, but like genuinely, because you are a bouncy girl.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

But in the case, how are you making this very pure moment of my career?

SPEAKER_00 2:44

Because I did your laundry, because you left it for me, and I noticed all you wear to work are sports bras. Okay. Is that because you rack them and sack them and put them down so when you SAT your patient they wake up that you don't hit your face with your food? Basically, what I'm saying is the tits are not always in line with your center of gravity. Therefore, we wear a sports bra to work. Other female nurses are.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

But at the end of the day, what we're talking about is my patient shook his head yes, that he heard me. He opened his mouth when I asked, and then he just kept rolling his eyes every time I kept going in the room because I would ask him, Do you like music? Do you want me to play music for you? Because sometimes I'll put music on, like anything to like get him up and going. And I can guarantee you his first words when he decides to talk to me is shut up, Colleen. Shut the fuck up. Because last week, my other guy who I remember you told the story. Yes, he got a speaking valve, which oh, oh my god, he I wasn't taking care of him, but I knew he was gonna get it, so I went there. I'm like, he was like I'm on cloud nine. And I was like, dude, he says his name, and then the second thing he says was, everybody get out. I was like, I love you guys.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

I honestly think you should just play Scrubs off bottoms up for all of your patients who are waking up because what a beautiful thing to wake up to. Anyway, ask me about my week.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

So, Michael, thank you for making my pure weekend to be not so pure. How was your week?

SPEAKER_00 4:05

My weekend was a shit show. Um it was actually great. So, Noah is my nephew. He turned four years old. His one birthday wish was to have me come up and take him on a sushi date.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

I thought he wanted me to.

SPEAKER_00 4:17

He did, but you didn't show up. So the caveat to that is Noah actually lives in Alaska with my sister, and um I had to fly to Alaska. I was delayed out of JFK on the way there, ended up having to overnight in Seattle, which sucked, but I got to see a childhood friend. And then on my way back today, I missed my connection because of a delay in Dallas. So I got to hang out in the South today, baby. But I made it, and I made it back to New York. So overall, I think I spent more time traveling in an airport than I did physically in Alaska. And eventually it's getting old. Like this is getting harder on my body, but walking into my home, your home, as all of you know, with your new season of Scrubs Off Bottoms Up, um, and having the love of my life Colleen here has really just made everything so much better. Yep. While we're on this topic, I do have to ask you a question because men experience a phenomenon when flying that I don't know if women have anything similar to it.

SPEAKER_02 5:17

Oh my god, okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Men pop airplane boners. No, girls don't have boners on airplanes. I understand that, but and so I've asked a lot of men, not in like a sexual context, but like it is You're about to ruin my whole flight experience, aren't you?

SPEAKER_01 5:31

When I walk down the aisle, I'm well I'm gonna think of it. That's disgusting.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

No, so I'll I don't know. Is it altitude, is it pressure? I don't know, but most men and men chime in if you are not one of these and maybe don't if you don't feel comfortable. Is it normal that everyone gets an an erection while traveling? I am one of those people. Um the waistband, and like it comes to a point where like you want to very much. I travel with you! I don't want to know that you have a boner sitting next to me, Michael. It does come to a point where you're like you like consider the pants that you wear when you're traveling to make sure you have a good waistband. Because I don't maybe you know the answer to this, I'm not sure. The waistband does decrease that episode. Flip it up, baby.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Wait, now I'm thinking anatomy-wise, your waistband.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

If you flip up the erection into the waistband.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Oh, oh, oh.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

Is it like a cutting off circulation?

SPEAKER_01 6:27

Babe, you're asking the wrong question.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

I don't know. You still work bedside, I don't. So ask urology the next time they come by. Sure. Please.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

I mean, there's certain things that I just don't want to know, and I wish I didn't know that. And but I'm happy that you told everybody else, because everybody else can now think of boners on an airplane.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

Yes. That was my weekend.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

I would say that it probably has to do with altitude.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Or pressure, right? Like the pre- I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

No, but the pressure doesn't go crazy high in the atmosphere.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Because it's a pressurized cabin.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

I don't know. If anyone else knows anything about this, please chime in and let us know urology if you're on here. Um I just feel it.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

I can also imagine if you are the only person. I would die.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

I know I'm not.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

I would die.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

I know I'm not.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

Everybody.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

I actually just recently had this conversation with another male. If you're listening, he felt bad for you.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

He felt bad for you. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

But it didn't look like you felt bad.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

No.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

Like I said, season two, babe. Scrubs are off and bottoms are up.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

Someone's gonna have to tame this man because I don't think I can. When he can't when he walks in the door today, he was on one and I said, Michael, we're gonna have to go to happy hour if like uh to handle you today.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

And guess what, folks? We did.

SPEAKER_01 7:43

And here we are.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

And here we are.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

No, we watched um this show. It's called Death by Medic. Yes. He fell asleep a little bit, but I've I've watched like four episodes, and it's basically about people in healthcare who were murderers. Like serial killers, like this one dentist went to Africa and he ended up like shooting his wife, and then this other like nurse injected it was like rock erone, it was some type of paralytic. I've never heard of it. It's like started with an M though, would like inject it into this is this is back in like the 1900s, though. Like the photos, the photos. No, no, it wasn't.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

It was in like no, that one that we saw the first episode who was it was like the old version of rock. Oh that was in the 90s. Okay, that was like 95.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

Whatever. But doing that, and then last night I watched one and the girl was injecting air into the into like everybody's A-lines, and they only found out because the doctors were like, no, it was in a CTICU after open heart surgeries and injected air.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

And were they doing like a ultrasound of the heart?

SPEAKER_01 8:57

No, in the A-line.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Oh, in the A, okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

Straight in the A-line air, and I guess like the person who did it, the nurse, must have been so psychotic, but so smart because it goes to your brain, yeah, but then it won't show up on an autopsy after a while because the air will leave the body, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

So the doctors kind of like caught on to it and were like, we need all these scams, like right after the second time it happened, because you know, CT surgeons are like very they take that personally.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

Of course, yeah. Um, it's not like a mortality rate with any sort of surgery.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

They get like dinged and stuff like that, but they um figured it out, and you could see the air bubbles in the brain. It was wild.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

So we do need to remember that not all of our listeners are in healthcare. So A-line is an arterial line. Typically, if you see like an IV or something like that, that is in a venous line. It's a peripheral inserted venous catheter, essentially. Uh veins are what we inject medication into through an IV. There is a common misconception, and I think it was from like one of the screen movies years ago, that like if you inject air into an IV, like a peripheral IV into a vein, it will kill a patient. No. Let's debunk this myth that it genuinely takes at least one tubing length full, like IV tubing, one entire tubing length full of air, which is what, 20 to 30 cc's of air to potentially cause harm to the patient.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

IV.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

It's not ideal.

SPEAKER_00 10:25

You don't want to put air.000005 cc's. Yeah, it goes off. It's ridiculous. So um let's debunk that the amount of times I've had patients say, Oh, there's air in my line. I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

I'm like, you're fine, you're fine. Let's try.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

But I just think that's like an important myth to debunk.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

Mm-hmm. Thank you so much for that.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

No, I agree. That is, because it drives me nuts.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Speaking of arterial lines, um, which again, for those of you who don't work in healthcare, arterial lines you primarily see in an ICU setting. Um, and we use them to measure pressure, blood pressure. Um you had an experience recently with an arterial line and a coworker. And I know that there were some topics that we wanted to discuss about coworker competency and care for each other while being mutual healthcare workers. Yep. Are there any messages you'd like to send out? Besides, don't touch my fucking patients.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

You took the words right out of my mouth.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

I know, honey, because I'm the same exact way.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

And you want to know what? I know it's a me problem. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna talk to myself real quick, and I'm gonna say you gotta work on this, Colleen. You're not the only person that gets to touch your patients. You have to stop being a little. I'm not a type A person by any means.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

You are an ICU.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

Not even. Like my room is not spectacular, but I know what's happening.

SPEAKER_00 11:56

I have uh it's organized chaos in your own way that only you understand.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

And I know every single thing about what is happening in that room at the moment for those 12 hours. So when I ask someone, hey, can I go eat my lunch? Because I am hungry. Can you watch my patient? There's nothing to do, please don't touch them. And if you need to do anything, come find me.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

I'm five feet away.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

And I come back from my lunch and my everything is out of whack. I am livid. I am livid.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

And I think that we should know that.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

No, no, no, no. And there are certain times where if someone touches my patients and it's helpful, absolutely great, amazing.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

But that also takes time to earn trust with another nurse.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

And it's just weird to me because, like, just leave my patients alone. Like, I treat them well. I treat them well, and I don't, I'm like, I'm scared of how I'm gonna be as a mother.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Tiger mom.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

I think I'm gonna like be like, yeah, take them. But like when it comes to like an older person, I don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

No, I so I relate because I've had providers come in and change my vent settings without telling me, or change my sedation, or change a line in which my patient was getting something, yep. So for example, when I was working bedside, the first thing I would do every morning, especially if it was my first day with a patient. In the ICU. No. In the ICU, you have a lot of patients who require a lot of drips that you have to check compatibility on, that go into not many ports, they don't always have a ton of access in terms of getting that medication into their body. I start fresh. Yeah fresh lines, I label them. Fresh lines? It is an organized symphony. Yep, every day every Monday? Absolutely. Fresh lines.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

Oh, not every day.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

No, every Monday. So like my first day with a patient.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

I was gonna say, you rip.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

I have had nurses go in and need to titrate a medication and not understand why I had things going on a certain stop call.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

That's why you don't touch things.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

You don't touch somebody else's patient.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

You do not touch things. The other day I went into a room, there was stuff going on, I didn't know what was happening. I touched something, I realized I don't know what's happening. This is not my situation. I'm gonna walk out of this. Here's the deal.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

At the end of the day, that is somebody's life, especially in the ICU. These are life-sustaining drips most of the time.

unknown 14:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

This is somebody's life. Why on Gods green earth would I want to go into that patient's room and involve myself in a scenario that could not work out the best for the patient, let alone my license, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:52

Yeah, I'm gonna talk on this though. If it is, there are there are times where if something terrible is happening and you walk by the room and you see a blood pressure's like tanking and they need a little oomph or something like that, like I appreciate like that's what I do love about the ICU is that everybody knows what to do when it comes to like a time like that. And then you find it. In an emerging situation, yes. If there isn't an interven, if there is an intervention that needs to be done within 30 seconds, of course, of course. But if you're doing some dumb shit and you're in get out, get out, get out, get out. And everybody that I work with knows this.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

Yeah, I think you're very good.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

I know I'm psychotic about it. And it's again, like I said, it's a me thing.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

I think some people just like to see your reaction.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

I know. Somebody did say the other day, I think, I kinda've never seen you like this. I kind of like it. I was like, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

It kind of turns me off.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

No, no, no, no, no. Don't touch my patience.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

Noted. Um, speaking of turn on, oh I was having this conversation with I forget why it came up, but it was like with some of my sister's very good friends in Alaska, and it wasn't this trip food, it was a recent trip, and my sister reminded me of this funny conversation I had with them. Have you ever had your toe sucked on? Yes, by you. It is wildly erotic. And I am not a toe person. Like, I am not into feet. I actually really don't like feet. What about the toes and getting your toes sucked on is erotic. Genuinely.

SPEAKER_01 16:25

No, I'm gonna think about this.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

To me, it is similar to like having your ears licked.

SPEAKER_01 16:30

Okay, let's talk, hear me out.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

Okay. And like weird New York City boys with don't suck my toes, but you can lick my ear. I do clean my ears every day.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

So back to what I was saying. If you think about it, your feet when you get your feet tickled, there must be some type of nerve.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Like, what's the nerve plexus that runs down to like the toes?

SPEAKER_01 16:52

I don't know. I can argue. No, but think about it. You can tickle someone's feet and they're like, Yeah. So there must be some type of sensitive thing.

SPEAKER_00 17:01

Do you have any like oddly sensitive or like ticklish spots on your body? Like my hips for me are like extremely sensitive. I don't. Really? But I also like I've never understood people who have sensitive nipples. My nipples are not sensitive. The most sensation that my nipples ever got were when I was like 18. I decided I wanted to get my nipples pierced. I fainted, I made it through one piercing. It pierced. When women get their nipples pierced, it typically takes place through the nipple because it projects off the areola a lot more than a male's nipple.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

I don't have big nipples, so they pierce me like through my areola with a clamp. When I say I fainted so fucking hard and it was the most painful experience. But, men, let me tell you, if you have small nipples and it's uh going to get pierced through the areola, you do need to consider that you will potentially need a nipple transplant later in life. I think I need one. Number one, it's even less sensitive. My nipples were not sensitive to begin with. I was hoping, like, oh, maybe I'll feel something. It was painful, but not sensitive. It's like people have like flicked my nipples. You know, some people you can like flick their nipples and they're like, ooh, ticklish or whatever, or like arousing. Not me. Mine are not sensitive.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

I've never flicked anybody's nipples.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

Wait, really?

SPEAKER_01 18:20

I've never in my life. I don't know. I don't know. I but I would never like be out shopping with a girlfriend and be like, let me flick your nipples.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

That's not necessarily something you do when you're out shopping.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

I'm okay. Uh no. Um I don't have any sensitive areas. Maybe my my eyes. My eyes, I I can't go in the shower and wash my face because my eyes are sensitive. And I don't enjoy opening my eyes underwater because my eyes are very sensitive.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

But great.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

Um in the cold, my bunions get sensitive. But that's about it.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Colleen, remember, I think you need to remember we are both single on this podcast. We are trying to.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

Oh, right, right, right, right, right.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

Let's reframe this.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

Forget about my eyes being sensitive.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

Her hips are sensitive, then. Her hips don't lie.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

No, never. But they're not sensitive, I'll tell you that. Moving on.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

Moving on. So being back out on the dating scene, like very lightly, um, and I have never experienced this that I can remember, but also I was in a relationship and a place of silent acceptance for the past many, many years. Um there is, and I always have associated it with women, and maybe this is just the stereotype. People are attracted to healthcare providers and scrubs. Do you have this happen? Like when you're dating later, people like, oh, that's so cute, that's so hot.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

I don't know. Like first responders?

SPEAKER_00 20:15

Yeah, I mean, like for me, I I actually think like we're what do we got to do? No, no, no, I was thinking about this. Like, I do think that somebody with like a trade, like police officer, firefighter, doctor, whatever, like hopped. Love that. But I've never like put myself in that category, and now that like that I'm back and on the market, people like a nurse and scrubs. Well, okay, like that's how about that.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

So I yes and no.

SPEAKER_00 20:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Like, I've heard really shitty things about nurses.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

I have had a I like travel, like travel nursing or whatever. I remember, and I wrote this quote in my phone underneath his contact to remind myself.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Because I'm psychotic, but he said that he would never date a travel nurse because they you can never trust them and they're snakes.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

Okay, that's interesting.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

Because we are always traveling around, and I got into a huge fight with this person.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

I mean, we're essentially hospital whores. We're money whores. We like the money.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Okay, but also like get some confidence. That's not my problem. That's on you.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

It has nothing to do with it. Okay, maybe that was a personal thing. That's very personal.

SPEAKER_01 21:24

But um back to you never looked at yourself as like a hospital worker?

SPEAKER_00 21:30

No, I like never was like, oh, somebody's gonna think it's really hot when I get off this 12-hour shift in these scrubs. And I'm like, no, to me, it's like fucking disgusting. But now that I work in aesthetics full-time, like I no longer wear baggy scrubs. I have to like show off my body a little bit more. And like obviously, like I have to do my hair every morning on the way to work. I used to throw on scrub cap glasses, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

So your hair, um what does that entail?

SPEAKER_00 21:53

What does my hair entail? Yeah. Actually, yeah, washing it every morning, sea salt spray, blow dry it. Wait, I use that.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

It's good, it's good.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

But we were talking about this earlier. Um it's fleeing my mind. Um reel it in. You do have to be crazy to work in healthcare. Oh, yeah. There is a certain level of psychoses uh that it takes to work, especially that side.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

But I think that I think everybody's a little crazy, and we're just we um spread our wings and make a career out of it.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

My best like simile to a hospital, and the it's in a in total, like looking at a hospital from afar is a really horny group of like high school students.

SPEAKER_01 22:48

Okay, no, it is. I have noticed this working day shift now, because you know I'm day shift girly, but like it is so funny, and I might have said this last episode. It is so funny to me to like go to the cafeteria for lunch and like go you go through the line or you like pick what you want and you go pay for it, and you sit down, and it's like all of us just like came here. We have lockers, we like just work a little bit, we like go to class, like work a little bit, and then we like go to lunch and then work for the afternoon, then go home. Some people take a bus to get there and get back, like it literally is. It's like high school, it's insane. There's a loudspeaker that's at code blue, code like no, it really is high school.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

And I feel like a lot of people who work in healthcare date in healthcare.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

Okay, let's talk. Okay, so who are the freshmen?

SPEAKER_00 23:44

Who are the freshmen?

SPEAKER_01 23:45

Nurses.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

No.

SPEAKER_01 23:47

I think they are. I think the freshmen are the hot young nurses that everybody wants.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

No, but I also don't want to associate with that. Those are new grad nurses.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

Yeah, but I want to be young forever. I belong to being a hot freshmen.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

Hello.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

No, no, no. I'm saying I want to be a hot fresh okay, fine. Who do you think the freshmen are? I'm talking big. So, like surgeons are the seniors.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

Okay. Um, transport. Transport. They often are new transporters.

SPEAKER_01 24:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:20

They're constantly cycling in and out.

SPEAKER_01 24:22

And they're excited.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

They're excited. Yes. Yeah. And they love their jobs.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Okay, sophomores.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

Sophomores are going to be residents. Residents. Uh, specifically PGY one and twos.

SPEAKER_01 24:42

PGY one and two. Okay, uh juniors.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

Special specialty nurses. So I'm talking like ED ICU, C V ICU, Cath Lab. Because they they they know some shit. They know some shit, but they they're walking that line of cockiness and arrogance and confidence. So yeah. And then top is gonna be like your specialty fellows or attendings, fellows, and surgeons.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

Wow, that was fun.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

But the messy part is the location of where we film, as we've said before, is close to resident housing for a specific hospital. It's always funny to see a certain color of scrubs come out of that building. I'm going to leave that there. Honey. Every damn day. Every day.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

Yep. Every day.

SPEAKER_00 25:40

Every day.

SPEAKER_01 25:41

Wow, what do they look like?

SPEAKER_00 25:44

Well, I didn't stop and take a photo, but I can next time if you're.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

Oh yeah, maybe stop and take a photo so that we can picture.

SPEAKER_00 25:50

It's a poor. No, I'm just saying, listen, no, I think there I think a lot of people who work in healthcare sleep together because and we were just having this conversation because there is like a mutual understanding. And what what is the terminology you used?

SPEAKER_01 26:03

Um damn it. Um you understand them better. No.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

I said something better. It's almost like you speak the same language.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

Well, yeah, obviously you can connect with them better.

unknown 26:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

That's like why. I mean, I I don't know what a marketing person does, and if they're sitting on their computer the whole day, I think you're doing nothing.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

100%. And this is why we are doing what we're doing and moving forward with a very exciting project for you guys. So we'll leave it at that. Um, but we should probably get this like verbiage down before we film episode one.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

Um, moving on. Let's talk whipples. I worked in Minnesota at a level one trauma center.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

Minosaurus.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

And there was essentially a like whipple ICU. For those of you who don't know what a whipple is, Colleen, a whipple is essentially a surgery where they take out a part of the pancreas.

SPEAKER_01 27:06

Keep it going. We look up like a I cannot.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Can you look it up really quick so we can give the people like an actual definition? But essentially they're rearranging your guts to an extent and like internal organs, typically due to pancreatic cancer. Correct? Fuck this sounds so dumb. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 27:25

A pancreoduodenomectomy.

SPEAKER_00 27:27

Yeah, so it's a whipple procedure. Um, it removes the head of the pancreat the pancreas and other organs to treat pancreatic cancer.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

But essentially, like that sounds a lot more simple than it is.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

They dis they cut things and reconnect things into weird ways. Anyway, so I was telling Colleen, I said literally, my least favorite patient to take care of is Whipple, especially after this unit that I worked on a lot, the post-wipple ICU. These patients are sick, folks. Like I am talking sick sick. They're every Whipple patient I've ever taken care of has crashed and had a really, really nasty death. Um, so Colleen and I were talking about it because not a lot of surgeons will do whipples anymore because we found out the chat told us the mortality rate within one year of a whiffle procedure is 100%.

SPEAKER_01 28:15

That was via ChatGPT, which also told me that um the flu was airborne.

SPEAKER_00 28:20

So But what I can tell you is the mortality for whipple patients is very high.

SPEAKER_01 28:26

I mean, if you have no option, I say fucking go for it. That's my course.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

No, 100%. But when I say that it's my least favorite patient to take care of, that's scary. I would rather take care of open heart. That is so interesting to me. That is scary because they tank.

SPEAKER_01 28:38

Well, that's how I feel about any abdominal surgery.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

There's a whole hell of a little bit of a lot of things.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

Like when you open an X lap is like my worst nightmare.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

An X Lap is an exploratory uh lap. An X lap is where they cut your abdomen wide open. Exploratory laparotomy.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

I almost said laparoscopic. I was like, an exploratory laparoscopic.

SPEAKER_00 29:04

Should we have knocked on the happy on? No.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

I feel so we're sitting here saying I swear we're not.

SPEAKER_00 29:09

I hate dumb nurses. All of a sudden, these have like the dumbest nurses on Twitter.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

Don't touch my patients.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

You don't even know what an exlap is. I don't know what a fucking whipple is. No, I know what a whipple is, and I can like imagine the different like parts of the body.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

I'm excited with you. We understand a whipple is scary. I'm talking X Slap freaks me the freak out.

SPEAKER_00 29:28

So the first, one of the first times I took care of like a true X-Lap patient, they were morbidly obese, which is fine, but I was helping, it wasn't even my patient, actually, but they were stapled, they crashed in the operating room. And we were the patient took like six nurses to shift them up in bed. Okay. Patient is sick, they crashed. It was like a quick staple to close, get them to the ICU, and hopefully bring them back. I'm standing at the head of the bed, and we trendellenberg the bed, meaning we put head down feet up to try and assist with gravity to pull the patient. And I was like, I don't know if this is the best idea. It doesn't sound good. The patient dehissed and eviscerated. Dehissing and eviscerated, I'm happy to tell you about. I learned that day. That is when their wound, their entire abdomen, opened up, pops wide open, their guts came flying up, and yours truly was at the head of the bed and covered in abdominal context.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

I would have literally loved that. What did you do? Projectile vomited.

unknown 30:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

Gent like projectile vomited. Thank God they had had like a bunch of sterile uh water and saline in the bedside. And the next thing I knew, I had no idea. I was trying to comprehend what just came flying at my face. And I was I was covered from like head to toe. Like big patient, lots of goo.

SPEAKER_01 30:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

Um, they just started pouring um like sterile water or sterile saline and sterile um surgical gauze and just pushing it back in.

SPEAKER_01 30:55

I bet you I wonder if they lost any of those sterile gauze after.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

It was warm. I touched a bowel. That's warm.

SPEAKER_01 31:03

I'm actually extremely jealous. It was it was a very cool experience, but it was one of those times where I was like I touched like a little bit of a bowel once, but it wasn't like enough. Like it wasn't significant enough to like we get off on the weirdest shit. No, but it was it's so cool.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

No, it really is.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

Like to see someone's insides, in my opinion. Like, I think that's really interesting. That's amazing and really cool. Like, you ever see like someone's heart? Like the physical have you seen a crack chest before? No, what's incredible? I can't wait one day. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean, I I hope I never see it, but if I do, I'll be excited. Very excited. I know, I love that stuff with like blood everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 31:45

I will just know that doesn't affect you. Like for me, somebody asked me this the other day. Um, they said, I don't eat cow, but that was like a decision I made forever ago, and I just like my body cannot process it anymore. But somebody was like, Do you not eat gay meat, Norgan meat, because you have seen the insides of a lot of humans? And I said, No, I have no issue eating. I will literally coat a patient, be covered in blood, wash my hands, and go eat lunch. No, literally at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 32:10

I will be doing chest compressions, bring my coffee, and I'll take a step. Like, please, like, I no, no, no, no. I my brain doesn't comprehend it, to be honest.

SPEAKER_00 32:19

And this is You have to be able to compartmentalize.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

No, it's not even that deep. It's not even that deep.

SPEAKER_00 32:28

No, but I think for the person who finds this like to be so disgusting, like being able to explain, be like, you do compartmentalize because yes, they're a human, but it is so. Do you know what I'm trying to say?

SPEAKER_01 32:41

No, because I don't even think that far into it.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

But other people do who don't work in healthcare.

SPEAKER_01 32:46

Oh, yeah, so they don't have to. Like, you don't have to see the organs and shit. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 32:52

I just don't associate it with shit. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

So like if you don't have to do it, don't do it. That's my that's my theory in life. If you don't have to, don't.

SPEAKER_00 32:59

And this is the reason why I never put in female catheters. I could not find the urethra. So don't all vaginas are different, it's not like a penis.

SPEAKER_01 33:06

If somebody else can do it, let them do it. Um except touch my patients. I will not let anybody. Don't fucking touch your patients. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

Um, I was talking about the episode that we filmed last week about that vaginal discharge.

SPEAKER_01 33:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 33:20

And somebody had asked me, and I forget who it was, if you're listening, please like call me out for being an asshole not remembering. But they were like, have you ever seen the episode, like very early episode of the Kardashians, where all and this is like how unhinged reality TV was back in the day. I miss it. And it's like back when pre-nosedrawed Chloe, everyone thought she was um OJ Simpson's daughter at the time.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

Don't get me started. I love her.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

But Kim and Courtney had drank a bunch of like pineapple juice, and they had Chloe come over and they each went to the bathroom and wiped their vagina and had Chloe's blind sniff test on it. Kim won? What like apparently Kim won. Or it was somebody that I know who told me, I'm not gonna release their information on here, but they're like, that's how unhinged reality TV was. It's like they were sniffing each other's vaginal like secretion. I like sort of love that. Everyone like loves to have one unhinged family member.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:13

And you have you just I think that's me. I think it might be you and I both, and I think that's why we're in the position that we're in. But I hope that people learn to love you for it.

unknown 34:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:26

You love us or hate us.

SPEAKER_01 34:27

One time I did pull out the Wi-Fi cord at my grandfather's funeral because people weren't paying attention to my dead grandfather.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

At least you didn't pull your neighbor's vent.

SPEAKER_01 34:40

Ventilator?

SPEAKER_00 34:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

You pulled your neighbor's vent.

SPEAKER_00 34:42

No, did you hear about that lady who was like in her 90s and her roommate, she was in like a shared room in a step-down, and she was really tired of hearing the vent go off, so she went and unplugged the other patient's vent, and the patient died. Unhinged.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

That's actually jail. Unhinged.

SPEAKER_00 35:00

That made me laugh like very hard.

SPEAKER_01 35:04

Like, I feel awful, but how do you just like is there not like backup? 80 and 90-year-old women are insane in the best way.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

They don't give a shit.

SPEAKER_01 35:18

They do not care.

SPEAKER_00 35:19

They are powered by glucerna. They finger paint in their shit after 6 p.m. because they sundown.

SPEAKER_01 35:24

No, but they have seen so much shit, they don't care. They'll tell you you're ugly. I I'm obsessed.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

I like secretly love it. I think that's why you associate with older women so much because you're like, I'm gonna be a babe.

SPEAKER_01 35:35

I actually love older men more than older women.

SPEAKER_00 35:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

Do you have a hunch as to why? I just think they're really funny. Okay. Why is that? Most of the time it's because they're they were in the military when the military was unhinged. When it was like you just took a gun and went running, and you were like an 18-year-old boy, and they have like one guy told me once that he actually hid behind a tree the whole time until the war was over. Because, and but he's like, but you know they tell me, no, he's like, they I'm I'm a Vietnam veteran, but I I was too scared. I just hid by the tree.

SPEAKER_00 36:17

You know how earlier we were talking about like fetishes of like nurse fetish, doctor fetish? Military fetish. You know, the military fetish. No, I do not and military media. No. There is a toxicity that comes with military. Been there, done that once, never again. I I love them. No, they're great.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

I will take it. I won't take the new military. I'll take the old military.

SPEAKER_00 36:40

19 above.

unknown 36:42

No.

SPEAKER_00 36:42

If you have access to our podcast and you're listening, Colleen's here for weird.

SPEAKER_01 36:46

Special Forces is back.

SPEAKER_00 36:48

Love that show.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

My favorite show in the world.

SPEAKER_00 36:50

I think that you and I would not survive.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

You don't think I would survive?

SPEAKER_00 36:56

We couldn't do it together.

SPEAKER_01 36:58

No, I would just like duh Foxy's accent would kill me.

SPEAKER_00 37:01

So Special Forces is a reality TV show in which basically like reality stars get cast on it, and it's people from like Black Ops who like put you into these like no, they're special forces.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

Special force they're navy seals or something.

SPEAKER_00 37:13

Training scenarios of like having to be submerged underwater and wait 30 seconds and climb out of a plane, or these like crazy endurance tests. And you would actually like watch these celebrities crumble. If you and I did it together, I think we would drop down and give me funny. Fuck you.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

No, I think we would make it through together. I think we wouldn't make it through apart. Well, I might make it through apart. I wouldn't. You wouldn't, no.

SPEAKER_00 37:35

You would kick my ass.

SPEAKER_01 37:37

But I think that we would make it through together.

SPEAKER_00 37:42

We should go on the amazing race.

SPEAKER_01 37:44

Hmm.

SPEAKER_00 37:45

I hate it. I don't know what it is. The Amazing Race? I never saw it. I think it's like you just like run around the world and find clues and like have to do things.

SPEAKER_01 37:54

That sounds fun, honestly. Hide and seek for adults.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

How about Millionaire Matchmaker?

SPEAKER_01 38:00

No.

SPEAKER_00 38:01

I that lady is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 38:02

She scares me a bit, and it also gives like She's giving Big Ange. She has a new show, I think.

SPEAKER_00 38:09

Really?

SPEAKER_01 38:10

I forgot. But she's single, so like I'm not trusting her.

SPEAKER_00 38:14

The Hunting Wives.

SPEAKER_01 38:15

I never saw that.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

Okay, well, never mind. Alright, folks. Well, with that, we've been a little unhinged, a little off the off the rocker. Um, I also am running off of like an 18-hour travel day after being stuck in Texas, and I didn't find a cowboy to take me away. Um, though I do look ridden hard and put away wet. If you couldn't tell, I am wearing a little bit of I don't know I say it all the time. I know. And people take it as like a sexual thing, like oh, ridden hard and put away wet. And I'm like, no, I look like shit. I look like it was like my SMR. Um but I am wearing the Von Dutch hat because number one, Von Dutch shout out, please would love a sponsor. But number two, the um I have a little bit of inspiration because I love country music and I was in Texas for far too long today. Um with that being said, I need to eat. I need to sleep. Are you making me dinner? Fuck. No, we're ordering it. Okay. Um and we might have to go catch one more happy hour.

SPEAKER_01 39:09

What's that place for me? Okay, we'll go.

SPEAKER_00 39:12

Alright, with that being said, scrubs off.

SPEAKER_01 39:14

Bottoms up.

SPEAKER_00 39:14

We'll see you next week, bitches.