40. The 4 Emotional Stages of Labor & Why Your Support Team Needs to Know Them

In this episode, I'm walking you through the emotional stages of labor—not just what happens physically, but the powerful emotional signposts that help you and your birth team know exactly where you are in the process and how to respond with confidence instead of fear.

This framework, inspired by Penny Simkin's incredible work, has transformed how I support families as a doula and childbirth educator. Understanding these emotional patterns can bring so much peace and clarity to what might otherwise feel scary or confusing—whether you're the one giving birth or supporting someone you love through labor.

Whether you're pregnant and preparing for birth, planning to support your spouse/sister/friend through labor, or simply want to understand the beautiful design of the birth process, this episode will equip you with practical wisdom and spiritual encouragement for the journey ahead.

In this episode, I share:

🌸 How to recognize the emotional signposts of early labor (and why ignoring it might be your best strategy!) 

💭 What happens emotionally during active labor and why silence doesn't mean something's wrong 

🙏 Understanding transition—when "I can't do this" actually means you're almost there 

✨ How the pushing stage brings renewed purpose (even through exhaustion) 

💛 Practical tips for birth partners at each stage—from encouraging rest to avoiding too many questions 

📖 Why wisdom for labor comes from both preparation AND prayer

Scripture Shared: 

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." – James 1:5 (ESV)

Mentioned in this episode: 

✨ Christian Mama Birth Prep Library - Free birth prep tools, worship playlists & more

💕 Work with Me 1:1 – Virtual Doula Support & Schedule a Private Coaching Call

✝️ Online Christian Childbirth Education - Explore my complete birth preparation self-paced course

🎧 Episode 26: Learn more about virtual birth support with me

🎴 NEW Christian Birth Affirmation Cards: You can now purchase them here

📚 The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin 

🥤 LMNT electrolyte drinks for hydration

🎧 Episode 5: Learn how to fill out the Birth Preferences Checklist

If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a pregnant friend or someone preparing to support a laboring mama.

Let's keep choosing faith over fear, one birth story at a time. Go here for the full blog post, show notes, and all resources mentioned!

Transcript

Natalie Portman 0:45

Hello, sweet friend and welcome back to the podcast. I am so glad you're here with me today. And this episode is for you if you're pregnant and preparing for birth. But this is also for you if you are going to be supporting someone you love through labor, Whether you're a spouse, a friend, a sister, or a mom. But today we're diving into the stages of labor. But here's what makes this a little bit different. We're gonna be looking at them through the lens of emotional signposts, and what do I mean by that? We're going to explore what often happens emotionally and. Psychologically as labor progresses, understanding this can bring so much peace, so much confidence, and so much clarity to the birth process. This framework comes from Penny Simkins incredible work, especially in her book, the Birth Partner, which I will link in the show notes. It's a fantastic book. I use this framework in my childbirth education and doula support because it is. Helpful to normalize this experience that might otherwise feel really scary or confusing. But before we dive in, I needed to say something really important. The stages of labor and emotional signposts we're gonna be talking about today are generalizations. Every woman experiences labor differently, and you might move through these stages in a way that feels completely unique to you. Some stages might overlap, and then some might be shorter or longer, and then also emotions might show up differently or maybe not at all. So I'm not trying to put you or labor into a box, and I'm also not trying to tell you the right way to labor. This is simply a guide, something to help you and those supporting you. Feel prepared and informed, not pressured or limited. And then here's the thing too, about labor. It is not just physical. It is emotional. It's mental and deeply vulnerable. So when people are supporting a laboring mom, and they're not sure, you know what's emotionally normal, they can start to feel really anxious, unsure, and maybe even afraid that something's wrong when actually labor is moving exactly the way it should be. And so understanding these emotional signposts help everyone stay grounded. It helps those in the room respond with confidence instead of panic. And again, faith over fear, which is the point of all of this. And it helps laboring women feel seen, supported, and safe when the birth team listens to episodes and prepares their hearts and their minds for these concepts together before the birth that shared understanding really does change the entire birth dynamic. All right, so let's dive into what early labor looks like. So physically, contractions are usually between five and 20 minutes apart, and the cervix is, somewhere between being completely closed to around three centimeters dilated emotionally. This stage often brings excitement and anticipation. Women are generally more talkative, energetic. They're texting their friends or calling their family members and saying oh, hey, I think I might be in labor. Doing things around the house, cleaning the house. All kinds of just energetic things. And you also might, if this is you laboring, you might be thinking like, is this really, it? Is this labor? So a lot of that kind of nervous energy, again, completely normal. Now, if you're the one who will be supporting mama, your role during this early labor stage is to encourage. Normal activities, making sure she's eating nourishing foods, staying hydrated. I really like electrolyte drinks like element, which I'll link in the show notes or coconut water. Those are some of my favorite ways to stay hydrated. And then encouraging rest when possible. And if you can sleep, that is even better. A lot of the time women go into labor in the middle of the night, and so if you find yourself in early labor in the night. Please try and sleep. This is not the time to rush. This is not the time to think of a million things to do. I want you to the best of your ability, protect and conserve your energy in this early labor phase because you don't know how long this phase will last. It's generally the longest phase of labor. This can last several days. You have no idea. So again. Please conserve your energy and try to ignore early labor to the best of your ability. And what I mean by that is do what you are going to be doing anyway. if it's the middle of the night sleep. If it's the middle of the day and you guys had plans, go do that. And then this is the other thing that I like to point out is that, having a virtual doula can be incredibly helpful during this phase because it can be very confusing when you go into early labor and having somebody to talk to, to reach out to text or call and kind of talk through what you're experiencing can be so helpful. I shared this in my birth story with Daniel my second, where I was already a doula at this point, but I had to call my doula and give her a heads up of what I was experiencing because I was even confused when it was happening in my own body because there were so many sensations and things going on in like the 12 hours or so leading up to that. And so, you know, it is helpful to just have somebody to bounce, your experience off of. And so if you are interested in that virtual support, I will share more throughout this episode as well as more information in the show notes. So now we're gonna talk about active labor. Physically. Contractions are usually between three and five minutes apart, And here's what's happening emotionally. Many women become more serious and more inward focused during this phase of labor. They might stop talking as much. They might close their eyes and take deep breaths during the contractions, and they may need just more of a quiet environment. So this is when the real work of labor starts to come out. So here are some important things to remember during this phase. Silence does not necessarily mean that something's wrong. Focus is not distress. It's often a sign that the labor is progressing beautifully. And so if you are there supporting her, this is your cue to shift into more of an active support role. I. This might look like hands-on comfort measures massaging her back or her legs. It might mean suggesting different position changes. I have an entire labor positions cheat sheet, which can help guide you through what might be appropriate at what stage of the labor. And this is all inside the Christian Mama birth prep library, which you can sign up for free at faithoverfearbirth.com. You might need to remind her about breathing. Something that I teach in detail inside of my online childbirth education course, or sometimes it can just be that steady presence. giving words of encouragement can go a long way. I hadn't planned to share this quite yet, but I am just super excited to share it. I just created some Christian birth affirmation cards and I just ordered a deck for myself for my upcoming birth and I also included a few extra sample packs in there. If you are interested in getting your hands on these, I would love it if you would connect with me at contact@faithoverfearbirth.com or on Instagram@faithoverfearbirthdoula Saying, or even just Reading birth affirmations to a mama and labor can be so meaningful, especially if you're not really sure what to say. And I created these birth affirmation cards because I was really, honestly tired of seeing very generic and sadly, self-centered birth affirmations, things like. I grew this baby so I can birth this baby. And there, I'm not saying that that's inherently wrong, but it's missing the point. So the birth affirmations that I wrote were things like. My birth story doesn't measure my worth. It's a canvas for displaying God's glory. So the Lord just put it on my heart to create these because I know how easy it is to make birth affirmations about ourselves, when truly the whole experience is about the Lord's glory being on. So anyway, that's my little side tangent there, but I'm just so excited to share this with you because I think it really can just usher in the Holy Spirit into your birth experience, just having Christ-centered birth affirmations instead of just generic phrases that are helpful, but miss the point, and this is another place where, virtual doula support might become incredibly valuable. Having someone who can guide you through position suggestions, remind you of certain comfort measures that are available, and then also just help reassure you to know what's normal and what's not. And help, you know what's normal can make a difference when things are starting to get more intense. So speaking of things, getting more intense and also just needing to rely on the Lord's strength. We're coming into transition and this is a really important stage. Physically. Contractions are much closer together around two to three minutes apart, and the cervix is eight to 10 centimeters, which 10 is complete. And emotionally, this is where moms start to feel like they're coming to the end of themselves and may experience the self-doubt. This is where you might hear her say things like, I can't do this anymore, or I am done. And when you hear a mama saying things like, I can't do this. It can be a sign that birth is close, not that something's wrong or not that she's failing but this is a really great opportunity for you to just pour truth and strength back into her. Tell her things like you are doing this, and remind her you're doing exactly what the Lord has designed your body to do. Reassure her that this stage doesn't last forever and we're right here with you. Another thing to think about during transition is. Trying not to ask mom too many questions. This is not the time to ask her all the things'cause it's getting her into her thinking brain when she just needs to be in her instinctual, laboring brain. So if you're supporting mom through this phase. This is a great time for you to just advocate for her and protect her mental and physical space as much as possible. Your calm, confidence presence really does matter so deeply here. Okay. And then finally we reach the pushing stage and the birth and physically. This is when mom might start to feel the urge to push or a pressure that's building. You may hear her say like, I feel like I need to poop. Or I'm about to have a bowel movement. Maybe even the baby's head is starting to become visible from the vaginal opening, and this is called crowning. And so emotionally, women's might start to experience kind of one of two things, really, either renewed energy or completely exhausted, but it's often paired with a lot of determination and purpose. Those supporting her in this phase are still playing such an important role. Doing things like continuing to encourage appropriate labor positions or pushing positions. Again, if you go to the labor positions cheat sheet, that is helpful'cause I have pushing positions that are great. This is also a great opportunity to have a virtual doula or a doula guide you on, positions that would be appropriate or other comfort measures at this point. Making sure that you are familiar with mom's birth preferences. Things like her desired pushing position. Maybe she wanted to avoid pushing on her back at all or for long periods of time. If mom wanted to have delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin, or avoiding the routine use of Pitocin just after the birth, if there's excessive bleeding, of course she can reconsider that. But go back and listen to episode five where I talk about filling out the birth. Preferences, checklist, and just becoming familiar with what mom's preferences are There. And remember to always take care of yourself too. I know this can be very difficult, but when appropriate and when you need to go to the bathroom quickly and you yourself need to be staying hydrated. Maybe if you are feeling lightheaded, like during pushing or. Some other phase of the labor. Make sure that you are sitting down so that you don't pass out and it becomes a need to take care of you. So just take care of yourself to the best of your ability if you are the one supporting mom during this experience. And this stage often brings a shift in tone. So many women start to feel very empowered here. But like I said, could also be very tired, even if they have this like internal, let's do this kind of energy. So everything we've talked about today is meant to, again, just provide wisdom and guidance. It's a way to recognize what might happen during the labor. But again, the truth here is that wisdom for your labor experience doesn't come from a checklist or a framework alone. So scripture tells us in James one, five. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault. It will be given to you. So I just love that that applies also to the birth experience. Whether you are the one laboring or you're the one supporting someone in labor, you can ask the Lord for wisdom in that moment. Wisdom to discern what's happening and how to respond and to know when to rest or when to do something, or when to advocate, or just to simply let things continue to unfold the way they are. So this framework just helps us recognize patterns but really prayer and discernment help us respond with confidence to the unique birth experience that is unfolding. And so before we close, I would love to just take a moment to pray together. Lord Jesus, I just thank you for the way that you have designed this birth process. Your word tells us that if we lack wisdom, if we ask you, you will give generously without judgment. So today we are asking for your wisdom. For the mama who's preparing for birth, I ask that you would just give her discernment to understand what her body is doing. Give her peace when labor feels unfamiliar and just give her confidence to trust the process unfolding within her. And for those who will support her, give them a calm. Steady heart. I pray that you would just help them with the ability to recognize what support is needed and when to do that, and when labor inevitably will feel overwhelming. I pray that you would remind them all that you are near, and when doubt creeps in, replace that with truth. And I just pray that you would help us all to remember that no two births are the same. And that you are present in every unique journey and in every detail. We love you Lord, and we trust you. It's in your name we pray. Amen. So everything we covered today is, again, just meant to be helpful, but it's really just the beginning. Inside my online education course we go so much deeper and we cover the stages of labor and detail. We practice comfort measures. We talk about how to best support a laboring woman, and we prepare both practically and prayerfully for birth. And if you're looking for that real time support during labor, someone experienced to guide you through each stage and just help you know what's normal and give you that confidence. I do offer, Virtual doula support. So whether that's, you in early labor and you're just like wondering is this really it? Or it's active labor and your birth team just needs guidance on how best to support having that experience voice can really make such a huge difference. And so you'll find links for both of those things. The online childbirth education course, as well as my virtual doula support. In the show notes, I will also include a link to my email and Instagram. if you're interested in purchasing my Christian birth affirmations set. But just remember, we were not designed to do this alone. With preparation, support, and wisdom that comes from the Lord, we can approach this whole experience with confidence and peace. Thank you so much for joining me today, and until next time, goodbye for now.