Mama, Where Are You on the List? Stop Micromanaging and Start Living

Have you ever sat down and written a list of everyone who matters to you — only to realize you never made the list? In this powerful conversation, Jamie Newton-Knight sits down with Certified Biblical Life Coach, author, and speaker Nicole Hicks to talk about the parts of motherhood no one warns you about: the loss of self, the weight of doing it all, and the freedom that comes when you finally let go.

From learning to release control (even when the lunch box is packed 'wrong') to understanding that parenting is one of the greatest faith walks you'll ever take — this episode is equal parts conviction, encouragement, and permission. Permission to rest. Permission to ask for help. Permission to still be YOU.

IN THIS EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT

• Why mothers struggle to ask for help — and what that says about control and trust
• The danger of micromanaging your partner or co-parent (even with good intentions)
• How Nicole went from a life-threatening medical crisis to founding Faith Over Fear Biblical Life Coaching
• The exercise that revealed none of us put ourselves on the priority list
• Why "mom" is a role you play, not who you are
• Releasing mom guilt and reclaiming your identity outside of motherhood
• Parenting as a faith walk — and why you can't rescue your children from every hard thing
• The power of never stopping prayer, even when (especially when) it's hard

ABOUT THIS WEEK'S GUEST
Coach Nicole Hicks is a Certified Biblical Life Coach, author, and speaker who helps women navigate life's challenges with faith, strategy, and intention. As the founder of Faith Over Fear Biblical Life Coaching, Nicole is passionate about supporting women — especially mothers — as they balance the demands of everyday life while staying rooted in their faith. With a heart for ministry, she brings both practical wisdom and spiritual insight to every space she enters.

Nicole is also the author of The Heaven Team, a children's book series designed to help families navigate grief and difficult conversations through a faith-based lens. As a wife and mother, she understands firsthand the beauty and complexity of motherhood and is committed to helping women show up with grace, strength, and authenticity in every season.

CONNECT WITH NICOLE
📱 Instagram: @faithoverfearcoaching

TikTok: @faithoverfearcoach

🔗 Faith Over Fear Biblical Life Coaching:
https://linktr.ee/Faithoverfearcoach

📚 The Heaven Team Book Series:
https://linktr.ee/theheaventeam

ENJOYED THIS EPISODE?
If this conversation blessed you, please leave a review and share it with a mama who needs to hear it. Tag us on social media so we can celebrate with you @blendedblackfamily

🎙️ The CoCo Blend Podcast — where faith, motherhood, and real life blend together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to the Coco Blend Podcast. I am your host, Jamie Newton Knight, and today I have another special guest, Miss Nicole Hicks. Welcome.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Thank you so much for having me. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Thank you for being a guest, for agreeing to be a guest. I feel like God has uh definitely allowed me to encounter, meet with, have conversations with over the past, I want to say two months, some amazing women that I probably would not have encountered otherwise. So I was like, okay, Lord, I see you. Thank you for the divine connection.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. And I feel the same way. Anytime, you know, first of all, I have an opportunity to be on anyone's platform. I'm always, you know, very grateful. And I'm also grateful for the connections that we are making as women in the kingdom as well. Uh, there is power and there is strength in that and in community. So I appreciate you inviting me into the conversation.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Thank you so much. So I'm gonna let you introduce yourself and then we're gonna get on into this conversation about parenting and motherhood. So you have the floor.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

I can't wait to jump into that. Um, yeah, so thank you again for having me. Um, I am Coach Nicole Hicks. I am the founder of Faith Over Fear Biblical Life Coaching. Um, and so just a little bit about me. In 2024, I went through a really difficult medical period. Um, I was literally in New York one day on Broadway, seeing a Broadway play, and the next day um I remember saying to my husband, I feel life leaving my body. And I just literally felt like I wasn't going to be here. That kicked off about a year of some severe medical problems. I went through chronic insomnia, anxiety, um, depression, suicidal thoughts. I had to go into a mental health facility, um, multiple cancer scares. I mean, you name it, it really attacked me. It ended up being my thyroid later. Um, but what was key in that situation is that everybody kept saying, Jamie, just pray about it. It'll get better. I prayed about it, it didn't get better, not right away. And what I learned in that experience was it wasn't because God didn't want to do his thing, it was me. I was the problem. You know, I was the woman that's the type A personality, likes to control everything. And this was something I could not control. And it wasn't until I really yielded to God and I really got my faith where it needed to be, that then I started to heal and I started to come out of it. And in the midst of that, I discovered what biblical life coaching was about. And I was like, I don't know if I, you know, that feels like a preacher. I I don't know if that's me, but you know, I couldn't run from it because God, one thing he will do, just like Jonah and the whale, if you don't listen, he's going to continue to sit you down until you are obedient. And so I couldn't run from it anymore. And so we are just about a year into faith over fear, and we are doing amazingly. Uh, and so what I do is I only coach women uh exclusively, but I do that through uh one-on-one coaching sessions, master classes, Bible studies, speaking engagements, or even podcasts like yours to just help women feel empowered and move them from surviving to thriving and fear to faith.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

Come on. Come on. I love everything you said. The fact that you went from a medical scare to exactly where you are now, profound. But how you got there and that story alone, you were like, listen, I was trying to do it all myself, how I do it. Because you know that's kind of what some of us do. It's like, oh, I got this. I'm gonna do all the things, and then God, just like you said, sometimes he has to sit us down. But you listened, you listened, and you did what you needed to do so that he could give you those down lows, like, this is what I need from you, daughter. This is what I want you to do, so you can heal.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

Yeah, that's really what it was is that he had need of me, he had work for me to do, but he had to really strip me down and put me in a place where it was really just he and I. You know, not my husband, not the doctors, not family or friends, just really me and God, and get to a different place with him that I had not been in my life before. So what you see today was not who I was in 2023, 2022, or beyond then. This is really God's work being done in a difficult way to get me to be who I am and where I am today.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

You hit it right on the nose. You said if you don't yield to what he's saying, he will sit you down.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

He said, I'm I'm gonna take control because you I'm trying to, I'm trying to show you the easy way to do it. You're not listening to me. Okay, I'm gonna show you, let me show you another way. Here, here, daughter, look at this. This is what I want you to know, you still no, okay. And then it forces you in a way where you have no choice.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

Yes, yes. And when when we talk about motherhood, as we were alluding to, you know, part of us being mothers is that we're used to doing it all. Not saying we should be, but we are used to doing it all. We are used to being, okay, if you don't have it handled, I've got it handled. I've got the kids' schedules, I know when the doctor's appointments are, I know what's for lunch, you know, the theme days at school. You know, we do all of these things. And really, if I think back to it, Jamie, I can see times where before I got sick, God was telling me to sit down. He was telling me you're doing too much. I gave you a helpmate. Why don't you use him? Why don't you allow me to elevate him in the way that he needs to be? Why do you want to be the mother and the father? That's not in the moment. And I wasn't consciously doing that. I have a great husband, he's a great father. But sometimes, you know, as women, we start taking on all these different things. We don't want to ask for help. We feel like I can get it done better than you can anyway. And what that made me do was be out of alignment with God, right?

unknown 6:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

Out of alignment. So he's out of alignment and exhausted, exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally. You know, you're in the car and you don't want to talk to anybody, you just need like silence. You know, you stay up it late, and I'm sure other women can relate to this. You stay up it late if they're all asleep because you need just like an hour for you, but you know you gotta get up the next day.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Yep. All of that from the doing it by yourself, doing it all because you feel like if I want something done right, I gotta do it myself. I heard so many moms say all of the things that you said, and it's something that has been ingrained from you know, from our parents or and their parents. And so it's what we've seen women do for years, and because of that, we decided, like, oh, okay, this is what I'm supposed to be doing, also. So I talk a lot about redefining motherhood and what that looks like for you and your life now, rather than you trying to continue to live this life of what your parents lived, your mothers, your aunts, your sisters, even. And more recently, Thanksgiving, I cooked a big meal, huge. Why? Because that's what we do for Thanksgiving. And afterwards, I was so exhausted, and I was like, you know, only me and my husband really eat. The two kids, they kind of pick at their food. So why did I why did I cook all this? And it was because it was what was expected. It's what everybody was doing. And so I made the conscious decision. I said, this is the last year we're gonna have a big Thanksgiving like this. We don't have a bunch of family over. So it really didn't make any sense, but it was tradition, it's what we're used to, but it didn't make sense. And we have to come to that space where we understand, recognize, and just like you said, allow God to show us like, this is not what why are you you got five people in your house? Why did you just cook a meal for 30?

SPEAKER_00 8:23

Right. It's crazy. And and I'm glad you said that too, because a lot of us are living lives that like our our grandmothers lived, or even in some instances, our mothers when they had these big families. But guess what? They didn't work. They didn't work, they were home all day. So while everybody went to school and the husband went to work, yeah, you were home. You could cook this big elaborate meal because you're home all day. You could clean everything, you know, and make everything from scratch, as we call it, because you were home. That's not how it is. And guess what? Now we have these, you know, cell phones we didn't have before, so everybody can get a hold of you for everything they need right away. It's it's a grind culture. And as women, we have to take a stand and say, I'm gonna redefine what motherhood looks like for me. I'm not gonna do the things I always did just because that's how the family has always done it. That's not what God said. You know, the same way we pray to have children and have a healthy baby, we should pray what it should look like when that baby comes. What what does my family what is my family supposed to look like? What's going to not exhaust me? When's the last time you pray? God, don't let me exhaust myself. Don't let me take for granted the gift that you gave me as a mother, where I'm resentful now, I'm burnt out, I'm snapping at everybody. Allow me to only balance what's in alignment. Like we never pray that as women. We just take on everything and everything, and then we get frustrated, and then we end up on that show snacked, and people try to understand why because we did not balance boundaries, are biblical. Even Jesus had boundaries, Jamie. Jesus didn't go everywhere, he didn't heal everybody, he didn't do everything, he rested and sat down with the woman at the well. He took time to pray. So if Jesus even had boundaries, why do we as women bringing life into the world not have boundaries? Why do we not? And that's what's so key because if you don't prioritize your life, the world will do it for you.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

Absolutely. Yeah, they sure will, because where's the parameter? If you don't have one, I'm just gonna walk all over what you don't have anyway. So, oh, you're here? Okay, can you get me so-and-so, or can you do so and so? And then just like you said, end up being resentful because they don't know that we're tired, but they don't know we're tired because we don't express it. So we don't say, hey, I need help. You go clean the kitchen tonight and I'm gonna do X, Y, and Z. Instead, or I'm gonna go rest while you guys do X, Y, and Z. Nope, we do it all. We're mad we did it all after we've done it all. And then we fuss with everybody about why they didn't help, but it's because they're like, You didn't you didn't tell us you needed help.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

Right. And, you know, my husband would say, I can remember our daughter being very small. She's eight now, but I can remember her being very small and just trying to navigate, you know, the newness of motherhood and everything that comes with that. And then your body's healing, and then you've got all these hormones going on. And I remember maybe like six months in, I like snapped on him and I lost it. And he was like, Where did all this come from? And I'm like, Why don't you know? You should know, but that's not fair to them either. So, you know, you know, it might get me canceled, but men are not psychics either. You know, they can't read your minds. So whether you are in a situation where it's your husband or if it's your child's father and you're not together, it doesn't matter. You have to advocate for what you need as mom, you know, and and and hold them to that. And if it's a village that you have, look, if y'all say y'all sign up to be the village, grandparents, aunties, uncles, I need help.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

It's not a one-person job, it was never meant to be a one-person job. So advocate for yourself. Don't sit in something saying, I can do bad by myself, I can handle it. No, that's not of God. God doesn't want you to live that life. Say, I need something. People are not going to be able to read your mind. You deserve support.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Yeah, you definitely do, especially just like you said in motherhood, parenting in general, but it's just so you said, you said it took a while, but then I just snapped. And he was confused as to what was going on because we don't say, we don't say, I need support, I need your help. You do this thing. Even during COVID, I remember that I started to get overwhelmed because the kids were around all the time. And I saw something on, it might have been something online that I saw. And um the the woman was saying, you know, you guys need to ask your whoever's in your space, instead of them just coming to you and allowing them to just start talking, you need to say to them, ask me if now is a good time. Mommy, is now a good time for me to ask you this question, or do I need to come back? Because if you just like you said, if you don't create the boundary, then here they come with all their stuff while you have all this stuff on your own mind, and then it just becomes really overwhelming. So that boundary, those boundaries are so important.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

Just because you become a mom, you you cannot, and this is something we do, you cannot lose who you are. You still matter. Your feelings, your thoughts, uh, what's important to you matters. You having balance, it matters. So if that means you have to say, hey, when I come home, I need 15 minutes to change my clothes, sit down and scroll on TikTok for a minute, you know, before I can answer any homework questions or dinner questions, then that's what it is. But a lot of times as women, we just feel like we have to absorb everyone else's needs as moms. We don't leave anything for ourselves except that little time when we should be sleeping. But we need balance too, and it's important that we advocate for that, no matter the parenting situation that you are in.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Yeah, I totally agree. And I agree with that where you need to communicate that even with your partner, because I too was getting to that space of like I've, you know, no boundaries, allowing people to ask you to do all the things all the time. And then I would I said to my husband, I'm tired of thinking for you. Like I need you to know how to do this. Your like this is not something new, it's something that we do all the time, or it's something that like groceries or whatever, what we need from the store. You don't have to call me every time because you know what it is that we we get. And so when you make me think about the list again after I've sent it to you.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Right, and you've been there how many times to see which brand, which size, where it's located. It's the same store, Jamie. It hasn't been rearranged.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

Same one. It's so funny. I saw online uh um different women who gave like their husbands like a big poster board with pictures of the items that they're supposed to get from the store, and they're carrying around this big picture board with all these items, and they're still calling. Like, which one? What size again? No, you have the don't call me. You have the list. Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

You have the list. I I send pictures, like you should be able to accomplish this on your own. What I have learned is I have to give him space to do it his way, and as long as it is accomplished, I gotta let it go. As long as it's accomplished, because I was the one that, like, all right, you gotta do it, but you also have to do it in the way I would do it. And that's not fair. Come on. That's not fair if we're being honest. That is not right. As long as they're accomplishing it, you have to let them do it the way they need to do it. So, for example, uh, my husband now fixes our daughter's lunch in the morning. It is never the way I would do it. It's not, it's using all the wrong containers sometimes, and sometimes it's what I would put in there for a snack, sometimes it isn't. But she's fed. The the outcome is the same. It is things that she would eat, it is things that are appropriate for her. So, you know, ultimately, I have to be okay with the fact of as long as she's fed, I can't micromanage it when I asked you to handle it and you you did it in a way that is acceptable. I then can't micromanage the situation.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

That's true. It's it's oh boy, you touched a nerve there. Cause I mean, it's it's the truth. It's like so so, so very true. I can definitely see in my own mind times where I've said, I need you to do X thing, and then I'm like, but why are you doing it like that? Like, don't you this goes first and then that goes second? He's like, Do you want me to do it or you want to do it? Like, no, you do it. Yeah. Well, can I do it my way? And like you said, as long as in the end it's done, that's all that should matter. No micromanaging women.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Yeah, that's all that should matter. But as women, that's hard for us because we want it a certain way, but we have to be fair. You know, if I ask you to do it and it's accomplished, you kind of have to be okay with that and not give your partner or you know, your child's father, whoever. You can't give them a hard time as long as it's accomplished. And that's difficult. That is very difficult.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

It is very difficult. The the difficult part is in the way that I would do it. It's not done in the way that I would do it. That's the challenge.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

But why do you think that bothers us so much that it's not done the way we would do it? It's obviously a comment.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Yeah, that's a great question. I really do wonder what in us feels like no, that's not right. Or you can't do it like that. You have to do it like this in order for it to be done right. It's probably because we are so like I like it goes back to what we were first talking about, where we're doing all the things all the time. And so just you are the strong one. You're the one who does it all. If it it has to be done, it has to be done by you in order to be done right. And if we have these things playing in our mind, then naturally the thought is here, I'm gonna give this job to you, but you gotta do the job in the way that I would do the job.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Right, right. Yeah. And sometimes I think it's because sometimes as women, we struggle to ask for help anyway. So if we ask, it's like it has to be in the in the way that we want it, or we feel like this is a waste of my time even asking for help. Or we don't really trust that they can get it done anyway. So we look for reasons for them to fail. We look for reasons to say, see, I shouldn't have asked you, because it's not right anyway. It's like we we secretly mentally sabotage it because we really don't trust anyone to help us in the first place. That's because of trauma and things that we have experienced. But we've got to grow from that and say, okay, if I asked you, as long as it gets done, I have to be okay with the way it is executed.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

Amen to that. That is the truth. But I'm I'm pretty sure there is also a set of people who are like, I don't want him to do it that way, because what if he does it that way and does it better? And I might have to switch the way I do things to you know what?

SPEAKER_00 20:20

You're right, you're right. Because sometimes they do do it better. They do, they do, absolutely, yeah, yeah. So that's true. We would have to concede that. I didn't even think about that, but you're absolutely right. We can learn from them just like they learn from us. Sometimes their way is going to be better, but if you never yield and allow them the opportunity to do it regardless of your situation, then you'll never know.

SPEAKER_02 20:47

Right. That is the truth. That's where the that that's where it's at.

SPEAKER_00 20:53

Right. And and I mean, I'm saying all this today, but like I haven't always been this person. Like, this is growth, and I'm still working it, I'm still working on it. Um, so but this is a lot of growth. So for anyone who is feeling that, if it's resonates with you, just try to just let them do it and just see what happens as long as it's done the right way. Just you know, could correct, just let them go.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Let them do it. Yeah, let's let them do it. Put your hands up and let them.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

Yeah, put put your hands up and and definitely let them. And I and Jamie, I would say also one of the things I hear a lot always when it's getting real good.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

Especially when you're given some good information where just like you said, it might be touchy for people. That's when Satan steps in trying to block stuff.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Of course. Of course, that's what he does.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

But he won't win. Not today. Okay, it's still recording. So let them do it, even if it's not in the way that we would do it.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Yes, let them do it, even if it's not in the exact way you would want, you have to give uh your spouse or your child's Father, whoever it is in your village, you have to give them the opportunity to do it, even if it's not exactly the way you would get it done. And you can't give them a hard time about it. You have to be able to yield and walk away from that. So if anyone is struggling with that, this is your sign. You have to let them do it. If you ask for help and you get the help, you've got to be okay with walking away with, you know, whatever they're doing.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

You have to be okay with it. That's all right. That is the that is the ultimate truth. Oh my goodness. What's something along your journey of parenting or motherhood? Because we talked about this stuff, and we I'm sure we can go on and on because this conversation was getting juicy. Um, what in your motherhood journey or parenting journey do you feel like was a big lesson for you?

SPEAKER_00 22:49

That mom guilt is not something you should live with forever. You know, it's okay in the beginning when they first get here to feel guilty about, you know, taking some time for yourself. I remember the first time I went out without my child. You know, it was like, oh my gosh, I'm this horrible person. But as the years and months go on, you have to have a life outside of that child. And that is definitely a place where I failed for a long time. I did not want to go anywhere or really do anything unless my child was there. I would sacrifice opportunities for myself to make sure that they were okay. And that didn't make me a better mom necessarily. Because if I don't have balance, if I can't be who God has called me to be or who I'm supposed to be, at some point that child is going to grow up and have their own life. They're going to leave and do the things that you have raised them to do. And then, and this is another reason why sometimes in parenting and marriages, people get divorced when their child gets old and you say, wow, you've been together 40 years. What happened? You never knew each other. All you knew is the child. And so, you know, I the mom guilt was a big thing for me, but I don't have that anymore. I take time for me. I try to prioritize my mental health, prioritize the things that make me happy because I am a person too. And moms, we matter too. Moms matter too. You know, everything cannot be about your child 24-7. Send them with their father. That is not the babysitter, by the way. That is their father. It's not the babysitter. Send them with them. I need a break. I don't care if you go get your nails done. I don't care if you sit in a car and drive around the block. But do something for you. You cannot lose every part of you and give up everything. You cannot do that. So that's something I really had to learn is it's okay to still be Nicole. I'm gonna be Nicole now. When she grows up and has her own family, I'll still be Nicole. You know, so I still have to know me. What makes me happy? What do I like to do? I can remember, you know, people would ask me, what do you like to do? What are your hobbies? I couldn't name anything. Everything was my daughter. You know, you don't get a prize for that. You have to be a balanced individual. The same way you raise them to have balance, you have to have balance and continue to put your name on the priority list. I'm gonna tell you one more thing about that, Jimmy. When I was going to through my certifications to become a biblical life coach, there was an exercise that we did, and we all had to write down on a piece of paper all the people that matter to us, all the people that were a priority in our life. And we spent about two minutes writing down people. And then they said, Okay, where are you on the list? Well, guess what? None of us were on the list.

SPEAKER_01 25:44

I was about to say, we don't even make the list most of the time.

SPEAKER_00 25:48

We don't make the list. That's out of order. How can you take care of everyone else but never take care of yourself? And then when you do, you feel bad about it? No, you have to take care of you. So, whatever you need to do, if you're out there watching this, do something for you. Schedule it. Do if if your schedule's crazy, schedule it. Even start 30 minutes a week if that's all you can do. But find time to take care of you and put yourself on the priority list.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

Ooh, I'm gonna have everybody pause for a second and take a deep breath. Because I know that that was a challenge, challenging to hear for a lot of people, because I was definitely that mom who was doing all the things my whole life was centered around my children. And when you would ask me who you are, oh, I'm a mom. Like that was a championship ring. That was like the you know how the basketball players get that ring, that's that was the ring. And at some point, just like you said, they start to get older, and then you go, Well, what what do I what do I do now? For some people, what do I do now? My daughter, my oldest daughter, said to me, Um, what did you like to do? Who were you before motherhood? And I was like, girl. Like, I hadn't been asked that question. And so I literally brought tears to my eyes. So I had to think about it like, that's a that was a great question. But it had me to start to process, like, there were things you loved to do before your children. And just because you gave those up temporarily does not mean you can't pick those things up again. Now, what I would say to new moms is don't ever put it down. You you can you can not not to even to say pause it, but like find little increments of it still. Like if I love dance growing up, if I continued to do dance, even with having my children, my life would be a little bit different in terms of maybe my health. Right? I would be more agile, I would be whatever it is, there are things that that the gift that God gave you, because I believe that those things are gifts. That thing that you had, you don't have to put it down. Do you scale it back a little? Maybe. Like, I'm am I gonna be going to a dance class from nine to five? Absolutely not, because I needed to work. I have a job. But I can still find moments on a Saturday workshop to do a dance class, or once a month, like you said, to do a dance class where I still find the joy in the things that I used to love. But parents, most moms often put those things down. And it was interesting that you said, where are you on this list? We never make the list. We don't think of ourselves. We don't go, oh, the list of important people. Me, the kids. Right. It's kids and husband, and my, you know, your mom, your parents, and all the people, but it's never, you never make the list.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

You never make the list. Being a mom is a role that you play or a hat that you wear, but it is not who you are. When people ask you who you are, you should be talking about things that truly only identify with you. I'm caring, I'm smart, I'm an artist, you know, all these other things that you like to do and that make you you. But those are roles that we play. That's not necessarily who you are.

SPEAKER_01 29:20

You know? Amen. Amen. I could talk to you all day. I'm so glad that we actually had this conversation.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

You're gonna remember if you ask for something and they go do it, you're not, you cannot give them a hard time, but as long as they get it done.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

That's right. That's right. Yes. What's one tip that you would leave the listeners, whether it's parenting in general or whether it's motherhood specifically? Because what you just said was really profound, and and I think that that's something that's gonna hit parents, hit, hit moms in a way that they probably wasn't expecting. But what's if you have another tip, what's one that you would give?

SPEAKER_00 30:07

I would say um you have to understand that parenting is one of the greatest faith walks you will ever take. And the the sooner you realize that from the womb, you know, it is a faith walk. Um, I can remember my husband and I, before we had our daughter, uh, we were pregnant and and we lost the child. We lost a little boy, lost a son. And I can remember getting pregnant with our now daughter. Uh it was so anxiety-filled. We were so nervous. Um, and then we dealt with things like people around us were getting pregnant just like, you know, accidentally, almost, if you will, and you know, saying things like, I don't even know if I want this child. Meanwhile, we're like just praying that this child will be healthy and stick, you know. And what I learned, and my husband as well learned, was we weren't really ready to be parents the way we thought we were before the loss happened. We would not have given over our daughter to Christ and raised her really the way we are raising her in God if we hadn't had that loss. Because, see, we are much better parents and much more devoted parents, and we recognize the glory to God in parenthood that the way that we wouldn't have if we hadn't had that loss. But your children are on loan to you from God. They are not going to stay with you forever, they will grow up and they will forge their own paths. But the things that you put in them now, the way you pray over them now, the way you give them to God when they're acting crazy and you want to go upside their head and they make decisions that you don't like and you don't agree with, you have to keep God over them. Never stop praying for them, never stop interceding on their behalf. The enemy wants them so much. So much. Look at the world today. The things that you and I, when we were growing up, we didn't have half the stuff that the kids have now, and it starts at a younger age. But you cannot stop pleading to God to constantly cover your child. If you can't pray anything else, you say, God, cover my child. Thank you, and amen. I know that's right. But always, always cover your children, even when they're grown, always cover your children. That doesn't mean everything will always be okay. Doesn't mean they will always make every decision right, but you gotta understand it's spiritual warfare every single time. And sometimes they are gonna have to go through things for their faith to grow, just like I explained to you how I went through a medical crisis to be where I am today. But guess what? My mom, I was 40, 41 years old then. My mom, who's in her 70s, she never stopped praying and interceding on my behalf, even at 70 and 40 years old. She would wrestle with God every time. So, to my mom's, to my parents, never stop talking to God about your child. I don't care what it is. I don't care if they're locked up, I don't care if they're on drugs, I don't care if they're making some bad life decisions, whatever. Never stop going to God on their behalf because one of these days the windows of heaven will open.

SPEAKER_01 33:37

Amen. And parents, like that's that was a lot to take because number one, our children are on loan to us, hard to grasp, right? That's hard to grasp. Like, these are my babies. God's like, these are you all are my babies, you're my kids. Right. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, yeah, that and when you I have two adult children, so when you have children who are adults, just like you said, you don't stop praying for them. And in fact, I feel like I pray more for my adult kids. Like I feel compelled to pray for them more because I see so many different things coming in so many different directions with them. And yeah. So we as parents, don't stop. Don't stop.

SPEAKER_00 34:34

Never stop. Because the enemy is counting on you stopping. The enemy is counting on you saying, This mountain is too great, they'll never be able to get over this, or their life is never going to be what I imagined it to be. Never stop praying because God is always up to something, Jamie. He's always up to something. He takes no days off, so you can't either.

SPEAKER_02 34:53

Right.

SPEAKER_00 34:53

So pray. So pray. That's that's all you can do is pray.

SPEAKER_01 34:58

Ooh. Yeah, another thing that you said that I feel like was very important too was like your children are going to forge a life of their own. They're going to make decisions that you may not like. They're gonna do things you may not like. But that's their that's their road. That's their road that they have that they have to travel in order to get to where God wants them to be. So they have to go through whatever the things are, and for us, it looks like, oh no, I need to save you from this mess that you're trying to be in. And you're saying nope, pray for them while they're going through it.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

And don't step in.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

That's hard.

SPEAKER_00 35:47

Don't step in. You you you've gotta let them go through it. It's like you had to go through it, I had to go through it. How else will they learn? You cannot save them from every obstacle. You know, the Bible tells us that we should rejoice when trials come because that is how your faith is tested. Yes, my God, if they never go through a trial and you rescue them from every single one when you leave here, because prayerfully you go before them, what are they left with?

SPEAKER_02 36:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00 36:16

How will they survive? Right. When will they learn to pray on their own? Come on. When will they become an overcomer? Right. Right? Like we so want their walk to be light, and I get that. Yeah, it's not the the the Christian walk, ain't even that. So you setting them up for something that's not even realistic.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

That's the truth. That's that's facts, straight facts. Straight like it's it's for real. That is for real.

SPEAKER_00 36:48

You gotta give it to God, give them to God, say, God, keep your hand on my child while they walk through this valley and show me what I should and should not do.

SPEAKER_02 36:58

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 36:59

But but if you trust God, you believe what he said, they will come out of it eventually.

SPEAKER_01 37:05

I'm trying not to clap too loud, too loud.

SPEAKER_00 37:08

No, I mean we're gonna clap it up because everything you step in, that shows you don't trust God either. You don't trust that he'll bring them out of it because it's not on your timing and the way you want it to look his mom. But he will. He will in his time and in his way.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

That's right. Oh, amen. My goodness. But even and just knowing, like, if we look at the children who I told you, me and you could talk all day. If you look at the children that are being raised right now, many of them don't even have the basic uh social skills, the cognitive skills to be able to handle regular, simple, day-to-day. A lot of them have really bad, like the you uh they cannot regulate their own emotions well. So it's a lot going on right now because we as parents try to make life cushy, easy, right? Light. And now and they don't have the skills. They don't have the skills for war. Just like you said, you you have to give them those words so that they can be able, when something comes up against them, if you're not around, that they can ward it off on their own with their words.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

Yeah, absolutely. And that's a lot of times the problem is they don't have coping skills, they don't have conflict management, they don't have the social skills, and that will only continue to get worse just because of the technology. So, so how are you helping them if you save them and step in off every difficult thing? If you if they don't learn consequences and that at every action there's a reaction, you are enabling them in a negative way. Yes, you are, and not pushing them towards God the way they need to. Okay, God, I messed up. I need help. Help me to see what I need to do to make it better. That's really what they should be doing.

SPEAKER_02 39:03

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 39:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

Woo. This is beautiful. I love this conversation. I'm gonna let you tell everyone about your book because Miss Nicole has a book or two books. How many books?

SPEAKER_00 39:18

So I have uh, well, I have two. Well, we'll see. So, first, uh, of course, you know this is my baby, the heaven team. Uh, because and I wrote this actually because um my daughter, uh, we had a loss in our family. My husband's aunt passed away, and that was the first person that she really knew had passed away. And when we went to tell her, she said, Mom, do you mean the heaven team came to get her? And I said, What's the heaven team? And she said, Isn't that the group of angels that come get you when the doctors can't help you anymore because you're too sick? And they let you get situated into heaven and get you all, you know, comfortable. Wow. And I said, Well, I've never heard of that before, but sure, that's what happened. And somebody said, You should turn this into a story. And I said, I don't know anything about writing a book, but I didn't know anything about being a life coach either. But here I am.

SPEAKER_02 40:08

Here we are.

SPEAKER_00 40:09

So we wrote, uh, we wrote the book, and it's the story of Skylar and Noah. And uh, in the story, uh, Noah's grandmother passes away, and it is a very uh easy story for children to understand heaven, uh, love and loss. Because how do you explain heaven to a child, Jamie? How do you explain that? Um, and so this is available on Amazon. Um, and then we also have our companion coloring and activity book that goes with it. This is also on Amazon. And if children want to do activities like write a letter to heaven, draw their own heaven team, uh, write a prayer, draw their family, there's all types of activities in here as well for children to do. And then on Friday, May 1st, we are dropping our next book in the heaven team series, which is when a pet goes to heaven, uh, because pets are a part of the family. Um, you know, Max is uh uh in the story, is Skylar's dog, and uh, you know, something happens to Max. And so we help children understand there is a heaven team, not just for our humans and adults and things like that, but there is one for our our animals as well. Okay so that'll be out May 1st uh on Amazon as well.

SPEAKER_01 41:20

That is beautiful. You went from I don't know how to I can write a book, but where how do I publish it? And now you have three.

SPEAKER_00 41:29

Now I have right exactly. See, but that's that I had to sit in that valley, but look at the things that are coming out of it. So if you're in a place and you're watching this and you feel like I've been in this place for a long time, I have been there too. But if you need some encouragement, I am proof that God is up to something. God is not sitting somewhere just coming up with ways to torment us. I promise he's not. I know it feels like it sometimes, even through our children. It's like, God, I can't get a break. But he's up to something, but you need to talk to him. You've got to lock in on your faith and trust what Jeremiah 29, 11 says, that the plans are always good, never to harm. It didn't say sometimes, it said never. So if we believe God, we know even when trials come, it will be for our good and his glory.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

Amen. Ooh. I'm those books look so amazing. I will definitely be checking those out. Um, let everyone know where they can find you on the socials.

SPEAKER_00 42:28

Yes. So if you're looking for uh the life coaching piece, it is Faith Over Fear Biblical Life Coaching. Uh, we are on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Uh, if you're looking for the Heaven team, it is the Heaven Team book across those same platforms uh Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok for all of the updates on all of those. You can check out all, follow me, see what's coming up next uh in the world of biblical life coaching and as far as the Heaven team and Noah and Skylar.

SPEAKER_01 42:57

Love it. And people listen, don't worry if you didn't catch it. All of her information will be in our show notes, so don't worry. Um, thank you again for being on my uh podcast, Nicole. I appreciate you so very much. I'm gonna pray us out of here and then uh yeah, I'm sure you and I will still talk, but that's right. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you. So everyone, take your posture, whatever posture you choose for prayer. So, Father God, thank you for another divine connection. I do not take these things lightly at all. Like I know that every position you put me in, every person you have me encounter, is for a reason. And I just ask that you continue to guide every step that I take so that I continue to do what you're what you want me to do. Um, I always want to glorify you and and and be obedient. And yes, Lord, I struggle sometimes, but thank you for just continuing to push me. I'm I'm so grateful that I got an opportunity to speak to Nicole, just talking about motherhood and parenting. And we took this thing all the way around. It is definitely going to touch some nerves, but it's also going to bless some hearts because I know that there are people who are listening who are like, yes, that is me. I feel exactly that same way. Oh my goodness, I know what she's talking about. And maybe this conversation would be the start that they needed to start to change so that their load feels a little bit lighter, so that they can hand off whatever duty or responsibilities to whoever their village is, husband or children or sibling, whatever it is. I ask that you give them that ability to say, here, yeah, I know I want to do it my way, but I just want it done. So thank you, Lord, for this encounter. Thank you for the message that Nicole shared today. Um I ask you to cover and bless her and her family. Um, I ask you to cover and bless mine as well. And continue to keep us both doing what your will is, less of us and more of you. We just want you to continue to show up through us and for us to be able to bless the people that are listening to our voices. So we know that you've given us this platform, whatever platform it is that people hear us on. And so we just want to be able to continue to show God's work, God's will. And so I just thank you. I ask you to bless every person listening, and I ask all of this in your son's mighty name.

SPEAKER_02 45:36

Amen.

SPEAKER_01 45:37

Amen, amen, and amen. So thank you so much again. Listen, everyone, again, all her information will be in the show notes. I love you all to life. God bless you all, and we will see you next time.