Two Frogs Talkin'

TFT Episode 8: It Felt Real

• Not Quite Right Goods • Season 1 • Episode 8

Share episode

This week on Two Frogs Talking, Archie and Shelly dig into moments that felt real… 

Archie opens the episode with a tale of a lawn chair, helium, and an altitude record that probably shouldn’t exist. But his real story drifts somewhere stranger: a quiet diner, a conversation he can’t quite remember, and a napkin that might hold the answer.

Meanwhile, Shelly shares family lore involving postcards hidden under pillows and Florida roadside attractions.

Votes are tallied, new stories compete for the crown, and Archie and Shelly ponder the balance of accuracy vs impact when it comes to storytelling details.

Also in this episode:
 🎯 Miley’s official count for last week’s Great Tale-Off
 🎯 A new listener poll—which episode reigns supreme?
 🎯 A merch spotlight for those moments that blur the real and unreal

Join us for tall tales, life talk, and a bit not quite right.

New episodes drop weekly.
Visit notquiterightgoods.com for updates and merch.
Vote for your favorite tale on Instagram and at www.notquiterightgoods.com

Archie:

No, no, no. For real, for real. I swear he's an actual man. Lawn Chair Larry. But, uh, no, I, I'll tell you more about it after we, we say our hellos.

Shelly:

Okay. Deal.

Archie:

Yeah. All right. Kick us off. Go ahead.

Shelly:

Well, hi there, I'm Shelly.

Archie:

And I'm Archie. Welcome to the porch for Two Frogs Talking.

Shelly:

One part telling tales,

Archie:

one part talking life.

Shelly:

All parts a bit not quite right.

Archie:

Okay. So, right. So you, you know, maw-maw had a version of this story, but I swear the man was real.

Shelly:

Okay.

Archie:

Alright. So, uh, Lawn Chair Larry. Lawn Chair Larry was actually a man named Larry Walters, a truck driver with a dream that didn't make a lick of sense. Okay. He wanted to fly.

Shelly:

Mm-hmm.

Archie:

But not, not in a plane. Oh no. Lawn Chair Larry figured he'd strap 45 weather balloons to a lawn chair, pack a cooler of beers, a BB gun, and a couple sandwiches, and just float it up over town like a helium cowboy.

Shelly:

Wow. I mean, that is something else.

Archie:

Okay. And it doesn't need much help, that story, but, but maw-maw told it with well, well, we'll call it artistic license Uhhuh. Alright. See in her version. See, Larry had been laid off for six weeks and decided that the sky might offer better job prospects than the ground. So he had duct tape assigned to his lawn chair that read"Ariel Consultant Available for Hire." And check this out, he wore a clip on tie over his fishing vest Oh. For, for professionalism. Of course.

Shelly:

Of course. Well, yeah, thanks for breaking out the facts from fiction.

Archie:

Of course. Sure thing. So his plan was to hover at about 30 feet, float gently across town, and then shoot the balloons with the BB guns when he wanted to come down.

Shelly:

Well, it sounds like a winner of a plan.

Archie:

Uh, it sounds like it, but what actually happened was Lawn Chair Larry miscalculated. Oh. And he miscalculated bad. Okay. Soon as his buddies cut the anchor ropes. Larry shot up to nearly 16,000 feet. Oh, I mean that's, that's airline territory up there. Okay. Commercial jets had to reroute around this man and he had a, a CB radio six pack of beers, and he's drifting through regulated aerospace like a confused goose.

Shelly:

Well, I bet he caused a bunch of confusion.

Archie:

Maw-maw said the best part was he didn't even panic. He was just. Mm. Politely baffled what she said. Yep. Politely. Baffled.

Shelly:

Baffled. Well, forget baffled. Wasn't he cold? Yeah. And did he have a seatbelt?

Archie:

Uh, these are all good questions and I don't have an answer to any of them. What I can tell you is that his plan for getting down completely fell apart. It turns out those balloons were harder to hit than he thought. Oh. Which was made more difficult, by the fact that he had dropped his glasses yeah. Look out below.

Shelly:

Well, that gives totally new meaning to the phrase:"shooting blindly."

Archie:

Yeah, that's right.

Shelly:

Well, how'd he get down?

Archie:

Uh, well, it turns out he managed to hit a few of the balloons and, and air started leaking out and, and he slowly started to sink and, well, eventually the chair drifted into some power lines and caused a brief blackout.

Shelly:

He's lucky that's all he caused.

Archie:

I mean, could have been barbecue, Larry. But, uh, in any case, the FAA fined him. The local news interviewed him and folks around those parts called him a folk hero. And when they asked, why'd you do it, Larry said,"Well, a man can't just sit around."

Shelly:

Oh, that might be the most misguided, inspirational quote I have ever heard.

Archie:

Same, same. And, and also for that matter, I kind of love it. Uh,'cause what Larry did is what a whole lot of folks dream of. He got unstuck. He just did it with weather balloons and a lawn chair and a sketchy exit plan.

Shelly:

Well, did that man have no one to talk sense to him?

Archie:

Well, sometimes it don't matter. Person's got to do what a person's got to do. Take for instance, uh, my uncle on the other side of the family.

Shelly:

Oh, Wayne again?

Archie:

Oh, no, no, no. Not Wayne. Uh, this, this was his more motivated if, uh, just as senseless twin brother Dwayne.

Shelly:

N No, they're not really.

Archie:

Yeah. Oh, oh yeah. They are. Wayne and Dwayne born four minutes apart and somehow Dwayne never forgave the clock.

Shelly:

Well, they shouldn't have forgiven their parents either for giving them rhyming names.

Archie:

Well, you know, you have to admit it's catchy. Dwayne Wayne. Wayne and Dwayne. Maybe a little. Yeah. Okay. So back when Balloon Man made the news, uncle Dwayne got it in his head that he could build a hovercraft and he builded it outta two weed whackers in a souped up leaf blower.

Shelly:

Ooh, that's industrious.

Archie:

Sure is. Uh, he made alterations, of course, lots of them. And by the end, the tools that he used to make this barely resembled anything that came off of a hardware store shelf. So the day came. The big launch. Everybody stood real still behind the living room window while Uncle Dwayne strutted out into the backyard like a man about to rewrite the laws of physics.

Shelly:

Well, the man should have traded some of that confidence for sense.

Archie:

Well, it would've saved him some trouble, that's for sure. But then we wouldn't have stories like this one now, would we, so, so there's Dwayne, he has a leaf blower strapped to his back, like a jet pack. He stands there with one foot on the head of each weed wacker holding them sort of like stilts, right? Mm-hmm. And he'd even marked out a little chalk launch pad in, in the grass. Where, where, you know, so he knew where to take off and land.

Shelly:

I mean, you, you gotta have a clearly identified launch pad for weed whacker hovercrafting

Archie:

That's right. Safety first right now. Uh, uncle Wayne? Yes. That Uncle Wayne.

Shelly:

Oh, uncle Wayne. So he does make an appearance.

Archie:

He does, he does. He handled the countdown, okay. Mm-hmm. He was in charge of the countdown, so he stood over to the side shouting numbers and, and flipping the poster board signs, like, just like we were at Cape Canaveral. All right? And when he got down to zero, uncle Dwayne hits the master switch that he velcroed to his chest. And for just a moment, he actually lifted. Oh, yep. Just two inches. Just enough to float. And just enough to be dangerous

Shelly:

Uhoh.

Archie:

That's right.'cause what Uncle Dwayne didn't account for was the wind and just one solid gust blew through and bam sent him face first into the old pine tree by the, by the fence over in the corner of the yard

Shelly:

oh, ouch.

Archie:

Yeah. Okay. The tree tree was fine. Not a scratch. Uncle. Uncle Dwayne's nose, well. Let's just say it's had a lean ever since.

Shelly:

Oh, the tree always wins.

Archie:

Indeed. So anyway, I, I didn't start this episode, meaning to talk about all that. I, I was actually thinking about something else entirely. But, uh, it's funny, you know, you ever notice how one thought leads to another and, and suddenly you're trying to explain a, a half lifting hovercraft made of yard tools.

Shelly:

Well, this has been quite the tangent, but I bet there's a point in there somewhere.

Archie:

There is, there, surely there is. The truth is, uncle Dwayne didn't just miss a detail, he missed the deTale and that got me to thinking. See, sometimes we don't just miss the details, we make'em up just so the story makes a little more sense or, or hits a little harder or so it lands where it needs to.

Shelly:

And there you have it folks. Archie just masterfully maneuvered his way into the theme for the week, which is"details were made up for clarity."

Archie:

Yeah. It only took us eight tries, but we got there.

Shelly:

Oh, well hey, I think we got fairly close last week and besides to borrow a phrase from you,"It don't matter how we got there, we got there."

Archie:

Yes ma'am. And I stand firmly by that and I gotta say I had my doubts when we started this project. I. Now, I know most shows have a higher volume per season or whatnot, but uh, when we set out, we didn't know what kind of pace we'd be keeping.

Shelly:

Hey, eight's a big number for us. I mean, there's no need to be comparing ours with others.

Archie:

Oh, you know, I'm not comparing, I'm just making a note. That's all. Like I said, I thought we'd run outta stories or, or run outta steam or both, but, uh, it's funny, the more I remember, the more I remember, you know?

Shelly:

Which is why we should think about a season two.

Archie:

Okay, I see what's happening here. You're, you cornering me to commit?

Shelly:

Oh, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't want to pressure you. I am just gently pointing out in front of everyone that maybe we should consider a season two since season one went so well and there's definitely more stories to be told.

Archie:

I will say there are definitely more stories and it's stories that the folks have come to hear, but before we delve into Shelly's story, we have an announcement regarding the winner of the Great Tale Off.

Shelly:

We can't reveal the winner during this episode because we record these in advance. We don't actually have the votes in right now at the time of this recording.

Archie:

So future us is gonna do a special recording to slip in before this episode drops.

Shelly:

We're gonna put it in after the credits. That means if you want to know who won the Great Tale Off for season one, then listen past the credits.

Archie:

And no, this is not just us trying to find a sneaky way to get you to listen to the credits. It's just the easiest way to get you, uh, the info.

Shelly:

We promise.

Archie:

Okay. I think that about covers it. And how about we get in your story Shell?

Shelly:

Okay. So one of my all time favorite stories, hands down, was told during one of our classic Family Porch Tale Offs. You know the kind Arch, but for the folks out there, let me explain. It's a long summer evening, ice tea sweating on the porch boards, and maw-maw is holding court like she is on stage at the Opry.

Archie:

Man, I'd give an arm just to have one of those nights back. Well, maybe not an arm, but uh, you get my meaning.

Shelly:

I do. And I'd be in line right beside you. Now. So maw-maw's holding court right? And she launches into the story like it's gospel. Of course. Starts off by saying she was maybe seven or eight at the time, and the whole family's on a road trip down to Florida to visit some cousins.

Archie:

Oh, okay. You're going with a story from the, the Saga of the Great florida Road Trip. Folks, there's a couple of doozies that come outta this 14 day extravaganza to our cousins down in the south.

Shelly:

He's right. Could have gone with the time great uncle Ronald found treasure in the Everglades with the help of his magic fishing rod and a talking alligator, or the other Agnes story featuring a mermaid stranded on a sandbar. Oh. Oh. And. And the one where pops went sailing with a sailfish.

Archie:

Okay. Well you just narrowed it down for me. See folks, and if it's what I'm thinking, well, I'm not gonna talk anymore. I don't want to ruin it.

Shelly:

Thanks for stopping short Arch.

Archie:

Mm-hmm.

Shelly:

Okay. As maw-maw tells it, the story starts somewhere along the highway. She doesn't remember where exactly, only that it wasn't the beach but inland. They stop at a roadside attraction called Flamingo Town.

Archie:

Ah, you know, they just don't make roadside attractions like they used

Shelly:

to. I think there's a reason for that. And it's called P.E.T.A.

Archie:

Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. P.E.T.A. Very important. The, the track record for those types of places ain't so good, is it?

Shelly:

No. Our standards are higher now. Gone are the days of the roadside attraction free for alls.

Archie:

Is it bad that I'm still a little sad that era's come to a close. Oh, I mean, not the harm of the animal parts, of course, but just the idea that you could get out and walk be amongst the wildlife.

Shelly:

But being among the wildlife harms the wildlife.

Archie:

Yeah, of course I see that, I guess.

Shelly:

But this story takes place. Before we knew all about the dangers of animal roadside attractions. And no animals were harmed in the making of this story.

Archie:

Cross our froggy hearts and hope to die.

Shelly:

Now, according to maw-maw, this place had real flamingos. Big old pink ones just strutting around like they own the place. There were herds of them, A sea of pink flamingos.

Archie:

Or as you used to call'em, pink chickens. Remember that?

Shelly:

I do remember. The things you remember versus the things you forget.

Archie:

Well, the mind's a mysterious thing, you know?

Shelly:

Oh, yours is at least.

Archie:

Well, that's true. I'll take that as a compliment I'm sure it was meant to be.

Shelly:

You do that.

Archie:

Hey.

Shelly:

So she's standing there flamingo's all about, and she starts to get a feeling like she's being watched. You know that crawling sensation on the back of your neck?

Archie:

Mm mm-hmm. Never a welcome feeling.

Shelly:

No, it's not. But maw-maw's got that feeling. She looks around for the source and that's when she sees it. A flamingo oh boy. A little less bright than the rest, sitting off a bit by itself, staring at her. And the bird looked so sad. And, to make things even more uncomfortable, it was staring at her like it knew her. Actually, more than that. More than that.

Archie:

Mm-hmm.

Shelly:

It stared at her like they shared a secret.

Archie:

Okay. See, I I, I don't think I've ever been on the end of a stay or that intense.

Shelly:

Right? I mean, she's only seven or eight. What's the frog supposed to do, but plan a jailbreak?

Archie:

Well, that's the logical response to this situation.

Shelly:

Exactly. So she waits for a distraction, and as luck would have it, Eugene provides a perfect one. See, great Grandpa was upfront making noise at the cashier about a mispriced snow globe. Why he was up in a tizzy about that is anybody's guess. But right maw-maw takes the opportunity and she sneaks around to the back fence with a jump rope and liberates that flamingo.

Archie:

Man, you know, even then maw-maw knew when to make a move.

Shelly:

Mm-hmm. She did. About that great escape, she said, and I quote,"That bird walked out with me like it knew freedom was an option."

Archie:

And I, I bet she didn't have to tell it twice it was ready to go.

Shelly:

Mm-hmm. Eugene and Alice didn't even realize they had an extra passenger until everyone was unfolding from the car at the motel for the night. Of course. As it was, they hadn't traveled far from Flamingo Town, but since they left at closing, they didn't think anybody would be there to accept the liberated Bird. So it was decided that the flamingo would spend the night.

Archie:

Oh, I would've given anything to have been a fly on the wall for that discussion.

Shelly:

I bet it was a lively one, but it had to be somewhat contained because they didn't wanna draw attention. And here's the thing. They had to get it past the office manager who made a great big point of the fact that no pets were allowed.

Archie:

No. Well, now that's a problem.

Shelly:

Mm-hmm. One they got around by dressing it up as a fourth kid and smuggling it in into the motel room.

Archie:

I, I wonder whose clothes it got to wear.

Shelly:

I don't have the answer to that, but mm-hmm. I do know that it got to soak in the bathtub, listened to the radio, and maw-maw feed it hush puppies that they'd snuck out from the buffet line in her purse. Alice wasn't so sure the hush puppies were a good idea. But the flamingo seemed to really enjoy them.

Archie:

I mean, who can resist a hush puppy?

Shelly:

Oh, fried bits of cornmeal. Uh, Yum.

Archie:

Oh man. Oh, you know, maw-maw used to say about those when the dogs got to barking and the fish grease was popping, you'd toss'em a piece of fried batter and say"Hush puppies."

Shelly:

I don't know if it's true or not, but it's a good a reason as any for the name.

Archie:

Oh, oh. There are other variations that might hold as much truth, but that one just feels right.

Shelly:

So let's go with it.

Archie:

Mm-hmm.

Shelly:

Is our hush puppy detour done?

Archie:

Um, yeah, I believe so.

Shelly:

Then back to the story. The night went by without a hitch. The next morning when they wake up, the flamingo is standing by the door, like it knows the fun is over and it is time to get back to the real world. After breakfast, that the flamingo passed on, it was too full from the night before, they bring it back to Flamingo Town.

Archie:

I can just imagine them all slinking in trying not to be noticed. And I, I wonder, was the bird still in its costume?

Shelly:

It wasn't. It was too bad. Really. That would've made for a better story. Anyway, Eugene pulls up to the back fence and the bird not in costume, hops out and back over the fence like it had been there all along. Maw-maw says she ties a note to its leg that read:"She needed a break too." Just in case anyone noticed it was missing. And as they drive off, maw-maw swears she can clearly see the flamingo's pink is the same bright pink as the rest of the herd. Oh man. And not only that, the bird is smiling.

Archie:

What do kids call that these days? Uh, glow up.

Shelly:

Glow up. You heard that one? Yeah. Glow up. Yeah. If you say so. Right. Now, now. This is important folks. Maw-maw tells the story with her voice cracking with absolute conviction and everyone's clapping like it was a show.

Archie:

I mean, the way maw-maw likes to tell things, it was a show.

Shelly:

Mm-hmm. But here's the thing, right at the end, great Grandma Alice, quiet as ever, sitting on a rocker with a fan in one hand and tea in the other, just goes"Agnes. That wasn't a real flamingo. It was a plastic yard ornament." Maw-maw doesn't even flinch. She just looks out across the porch, takes a sip of her tea and says"Details were made up for clarity. It felt real."

Archie:

A yard ornament. And she had convinced herself that she had a real life breathing bird.

Shelly:

Plastic or not that bird's part of family lore now.

Archie:

No, that's a maw-maw classic right there. Thank you for bringing it to us this week, Shell.

Shelly:

You are welcome. And that line"details are made up for clarity" is a family staple, folks, I mean, we've shortened it over the years, so all you have to say is"details" and folks will catch your meaning.

Archie:

And we are a family that likes to clarify a good bit.

Shelly:

That we are.

Archie:

Well now if you're ready, I, I, I have a story full of details that need clarifying.

Shelly:

Oh, I am ready.

Archie:

Alright, buckle up. Here we go. So this is back when I was in my twenties. I, I took a, a summer just to sort of, you know, drift, find myself whatnot. I've talked about this trip before. No plan. No timeline, just me, my baby Betsy, a beat up road atlas and a cooler full of peanut butter sandwiches and bottled root beer.

Shelly:

If you're new to the porch, Betsy is his cherished Bronco.

Archie:

Yes, she is. That's right. So there I was one afternoon, somewhere along Highway 45, I think it was. Might have been Mississippi, might have been Arkansas, I can't recall. And I pulled into this diner that looked like it had been plucked straight from a postcard that nobody ever mailed.

Shelly:

Like the travel postcards that kept showing up under maw-maw's pillow the year she turned 18?

Archie:

Mm-hmm. Well, I, I didn't have that in mind, but yeah, just like one of them. And since you brought it up, you might as well go on and, and finished the story of the postcard. Are you sure? Yeah. I mean, I haven't gotten going yet and, and folks might like hearing about'em besides, it sort of ties into my story, so either you tell them or I will.

Shelly:

Well, then don't twist my arm too hard.

Archie:

Go, on.

Shelly:

Well, when maw-maw turned 18 she started finding postcards under her pillow. Not every night, just every now and then she said they'd show up without warning, no stamp, no postmark, and definitely no one owning up to leaving them, like some kind of tooth fairy for travel. And they weren't from places you'd expect? No. Not the Grand Canyon or Times Square. They were, they were pictures from ordinary places. A diner in Kansas, a library in Minnesota, a hardware store in Oregon, a park bench in Nebraska, or, or a schoolhouse in Idaho, just

Archie:

mm-hmm.

Shelly:

Things in small towns she'd never heard of.

Archie:

That's right. I, I think my favorite is the, uh, the postcard of the fire hydrant in Robersonville, North Carolina.

Shelly:

Well, fire hydrants don't look the same in all places

Archie:

as that postcard proved.

Shelly:

It did. Now she tried to ask around thought maybe her brothers were playing a prank, but Ronald swore on his baseball glove, it wasn't him. And Larry said he wished he'd thought of it. So for a while she thought it was random, but then she figured"maybe it's a message. Maybe I'm supposed to see these places."

Archie:

Uh, when you hear the call, you can't ignore it.

Shelly:

As was the case with maw-maw.'cause sure enough, a few years later after saving up from working at the grocery store, she packed a suitcase, took her daddy's old map, and went off on her own little American adventure.

Archie:

She did it by bus and train, and an outstretched thumb. I mean, that, that takes a bit more gumption than, you know, just rambling along in a bronco say.

Shelly:

Mm, a lot of gumption.

Archie:

Mm-hmm.

Shelly:

Now, she didn't hit all the postcard spots, but she got to a good many of them. She even kept a little notebook where she'd write down what each place looked like in real life and whether it matched the photo.

Archie:

Mm-hmm. Oh yeah. That, that notebook is a family treasure. We have it locked away, even in a, in a bank safe depository box.

Shelly:

Mm-hmm. We better not lose that. maw-maw might come back and get us.

Archie:

I believe it.

Shelly:

Anyway. Some places matched. Some had changed, one had burned down. She said the weirdest thing was that most of them felt familiar, like she'd been there before, just hadn't known it. And here's the best part. The postcards stopped once she started traveling. Like that was the whole point.

Archie:

Now see that? That's the kind of magic I can get behind.

Shelly:

Yeah, same. And it makes me wonder though, who or what was leaving them, but maw-maw always said"some mysteries ain't meant to be solved, just followed."

Archie:

She had that way, didn't she? Where she could just let a question go without an answer. Mm-hmm. You know, so many of us, we hang on too tight or, or for too long, hoping that we can wrestle and answer out of a thing. But maw-maw, well, I mean,"if it came, it came." That's what she'd say."And if it didn't, then there's no you spending energy on something that has it in its mind to stay hidden."

Shelly:

Oh, but she did give us wrestlers some slack though.

Archie:

Wrestle. That's right. She'd say"you can't fight what nature put in you."

Shelly:

"If you're born to wrestle, well wrestle on."

Archie:

Oh man. There's two maw-maw quotes for the price of one. Uh, well, okay. How about we get back to my story in the diner?

Shelly:

Yes, by all means.

Archie:

Alright, so, uh, where was I? Okay, now, uh, if, if you remember, as I'd mentioned, I'd stumbled across this odd little diner. Mm-hmm. And, and in it, there was this old man sitting at the counter just, you know, drawing on napkins with a pen that, well, this pen had definitely seen better days. I think he might have had a, what they call an oral fixation because the pen was all chewed up. I mean, chewed up this way and that way. And the end of the cap, you know, the part that you're supposed to hook onto stuff? Yeah. Well, well, that part was, was clenched in his teeth and he worked it over while he drew just gnawing on it.

Shelly:

Oh.

Archie:

So. Naturally. I was curious.

Shelly:

Color me surprised.

Archie:

Right? So, uh, I leaned in to see what he was working on, and it seemed like he was drawing maps. Only, they were all wrong. Okay. I mean, for example, north was south, west was east, but the rivers flowed backwards and the hills were inverted.

Shelly:

You could tell all of this from a quick glance.

Archie:

Well, no, I asked him. Me being me. Mm-hmm. You know, I said, uh, it looks like you're working on a puzzle or something. And, and he handed me, one says, this'll get you where you're going as long as you don't know where that is.

Shelly:

Well, cryptic,

Archie:

isn't it? Mm-hmm. I chalked it up to, uh, just some diner weirdness and I, I tossed the napkin in the glove box next to some of my cassette tapes.

Shelly:

Ah, the glove box where things go to be forgotten.

Archie:

Mm-hmm. Yes. And so indeed it was for a few days, but then somewhere deep in the Ozarks, I got caught in a downpour and my atlas got completely soaked and turned into paper mush. How? Oh no, that's a, that's a whole other story for a whole other time.

Shelly:

Well, I'll hold you to that.

Archie:

I'm sure you will. So anyways, the, the Atlas is no longer useful. And the road signs were about as helpful as a screen door on a submarine. Okay. Then outta nowhere, I remembered the napkin. So I reach into Betsy and I open up the glove compartment. I pull it out. It's all still wrinkled, still strange looking, but I gotta be honest, it looked familiar. I mean, the bands and the curves on that thing, they, they matched the hills that I was winding through.

Shelly:

Now that's convenient.

Archie:

I'd say so. So I followed it and wouldn't, you know, it led me to this little town with a gas pump, a screen door grocery and an auto shop with exactly the fan belt I didn't know I was about to need.

Shelly:

Why, what happened to Betsy?

Archie:

Well, I was turning into the gas station to fill up and, and grab another map when my fan belt suddenly went, huh? I mean, it just, it just snapped. And, and an engine doesn't work too good without a fan belt for those who don't know.

Shelly:

No, it doesn't. Well, that's what I call good timing.

Archie:

I mean, it certainly felt serendipitous and, and so was the next thing. See, the place was cash only and, and wouldn't you know it, I had the exact dollar amount folded up in the sun visor. Like, like I'd put it there in purpose.

Shelly:

Well, now surprise money. That is always a fun find.

Archie:

Yeah. Well, it was a relief'cause I, I would've been stranded otherwise.

Shelly:

Well, good thing you stopped in that diner.

Archie:

Yeah. Well, the funny thing about that diner is I went looking for that town again once, mm-hmm. Maybe a year or two later. But the roads didn't match anymore and, and nobody around them parts had heard of it. I asked a fellow at the roadside bait shop, have you heard of such and such? It's got a gas station and a strange little diner. He said that town had all but closed down in the eighties. He said even the church had gone.

Shelly:

Well, if the church is gone, that's a bad sign.

Archie:

Mm-hmm. And get this, I checked that napkin again. It was blank.

Shelly:

What?

Archie:

Just a, just, I swear. Just a smudge of grease in the corner and a fold line like it never held nothing at all.

Shelly:

Wow. A whole town appeared via Magic Napkin just to save you.

Archie:

It certainly felt that way. And now, now listen, I, I've told this story about a hundred different times, a hundred different ways over the years. Sometimes that old man had a bolo tie and sometimes he was wearing a poncho. I, I think one time I even told it where he had an eye patch and ordered peach cobbler, like he was in a Western. But, but there's one thing that's never changed. It's that map that got me where I needed to go.

Shelly:

Mm-hmm.

Archie:

So. Yeah, some of the details, maybe I dress them up a little bit, provided a few extra for clarity. But, uh, at the heart of the story, you know, that part's still true.

Shelly:

You know, that tale has a very familiar ring to it.

Archie:

Well, it should. Folks been telling versions of it for generations. Uh, you know, the type of stranger gives you a map or a warning or a key that leads somewhere you're not supposed to find. You know, some people say it's, uh, the cousin to that old vanishing hitchhiker story. The others say that's got its toe dipped into the road to nowhere tales where the directions are too helpful and the, the path too smooth. And by the time you look back, the whole place is gone. You know, sometimes it's a, it's a hidden town. Sometimes it's a strange diner that only shows up in the rain. Sometimes it's just a, a turn you weren't supposed to take. Except you did and you ended up exactly where you needed to be.

Shelly:

I gotta say Arch, that's nicely done. Nicely done. That's a good way to wrap things up.

Archie:

Oh, thank you, Shelly.

Shelly:

So there you have it, folks. The last batch of stories, and it's the last episode of the season, so we're gonna do things a little bit differently.

Archie:

Right. Uh, so in instead of voting on who told it best this week, you get to vote on which tale stood out from all the rest of them this whole season.

Shelly:

We have breakdowns of all the episodes on the podcast page to help refresh your memory.

Archie:

And of course, all the episodes are up and available for a re-listen whenever.

Shelly:

So make sure to visit not quiterightgoods.com and notquiterightgoods on Instagram to put in your vote.

Archie:

Well, Shell, I, I think we come to the quote portion of the episode.

Shelly:

Wow. Already. We're gonna be over before we know it.

Archie:

Yeah, it sure seems that way.

Shelly:

Well, you wanna go first?

Archie:

I'd love to. You know, uh, there's a saying that I've heard some folks attribute it to, uh, one Mr. Mark Twain, though, who really knows. Anyway, it goes something like this."Never let the truth get in the way of a good story."

Shelly:

Well, that sounds like something he would say.

Archie:

It does, doesn't it? And, and I get it. I ain't saying we oughta go making stuff up just to impress people, but sometimes you gotta bend a little if you want folks to feel what really happened.

Shelly:

Details were made up for clarity.

Archie:

maw-maw Classic. Exactly.

Shelly:

Well, mine's similar to yours and I don't know who said it. But I've heard it said"Facts are what happened. Truth is what we make of it."

Archie:

Mm. Yeah. That's a nice one.

Shelly:

Mm-hmm. And honestly, that's what I love about stories. We're not always trying to prove something. Sometimes we're just trying to share and remember it right. Even if we have to make a few adjustments on the way there.

Archie:

That's right. Never shy away from adjustments. Those details just may be the thing that makes your story memorable.

Shelly:

I couldn't agree more. So Arch, unless you have more wise words of storytelling advice, we have something we have to settle.

Archie:

We, uh. Oh, oh, oh, right. Of course we, uh, we never decided what the prize would be for the Great Tale Off.

Shelly:

So, bragging rights it is, then.

Archie:

Well now hold up. Not so fast. I, I think we can still throw it to the porch.

Shelly:

Is that what we're calling it now?

Archie:

Huh? I mean, come, come on. Just rolled off my tongue that way. And it feels right, doesn't it? Huh? So it's got a ring too? It does have a ring. So, yeah. All right, there we go. So, throwing it to the porch, uh, it'll just mean we're throwing it to you folks to decide.

Shelly:

So I guess that means we'll have two polls up maybe at the same time. All right. Maybe alternating. I don't know what our web team can pull off.

Archie:

And by web team, she means her.

Shelly:

Arch, giving peeks behind the curtain.

Archie:

Well, a little peak never hurt nothing.

Shelly:

I'm sure there's a story to prove you wrong.

Archie:

Maybe, or to prove me right.

Shelly:

Oh, touche. Well. I guess that's it porch.

Archie:

Now, if today's episode hit home, or if you've ever told a story that just got a little more dramatic with each retelling, we've got the perfect t-shirt for you.

Shelly:

It's got the classic maw-maww saying"details were made up for clarity."

Archie:

Mm-hmm. Truer words were never printed on cotton.

Shelly:

You can find it and all our other designs at notquiterightgoods.com. That's where the stories live between the episodes.

Archie:

Yeah. I gotta admit, I, I wasn't expecting this little podcast to become such a regular part of my week, but, uh, well, here we are, eight episodes in and I can't imagine not sitting down and talking life with you, Shell.

Shelly:

Same here, Arch. I mean, we started this as a way just to stay connected and honor maw-maw's love of storytelling and yeah, I think we did that. I mean, I hope we did.

Archie:

I think we did. Now we'll be taking a short break, but, uh, we're already tinkering with a season two. See, I was just pulling y'all's leg about being on the fence about that one.

Shelly:

And if you've got a favorite moment or quote from the season, tell us on our socials or send a message through the shop. We'd love to hear from y'all.

Archie:

Y'all made this porch feel a little more special

Shelly:

and brighter. Thanks for sitting with us this season.

Archie:

Yeah, you're always welcome back.

Shelly:

Bye

Archie:

bye.

Shelly:

Oh, and remember to listen past the credits for the great Tell off winner and prize announcement.

Joe:

This has been a not quite right goods production. Starring Joe Laureiro is Archie and Holland Renton as Shelly. Written, directed and edited by Holland Renton. Music sourced via Descript stock library.

Shelly:

Hi. We're back. Just like we said,

Archie:

and we've got the final count of the great tail off.

Shelly:

Drum roll, please. Oh, except don't because last time you knocked over your ice tea.

Archie:

Alright. It got in the way is all.

Shelly:

Oh, did it?

Archie:

Yeah. That's Ill placed. Glass placement. That's what it was.

Shelly:

Well, that is a new one.

Archie:

Mm-hmm.

Shelly:

So Miley did the official counting and she just sent us a message. Do you want to do the honors arch?

Archie:

Okay, sure, sure. Hang on now. Let me, uh, go ahead and open it. Just click here. Okay. Uh, Miley says,"Hi, Frogs. Official tally is done. This season's Great Tale Off winner is: Archie." Hey,"by one episode." What do you know? Uh, says:"PS don't gloat, Archie." Oh.

Shelly:

Well hopefully that will keep your head from growing too big.

Archie:

Ah, it's too late for that. Shelly, my head's practically floating. Thanks for voting, folks.

Shelly:

Well, I hope you don't get too carried away by that head of yours. There's always next season.

Archie:

Well, it might make for a good story, you know.

Shelly:

Mm. Instead of balloons like Larry, you travel through the air with a head full of hot air. Now that would be a sight.

Archie:

Well, you know, how about I just strap myself down if I start to feel my feet leaving the ground?

Shelly:

Keep yourself grounded.

Archie:

That's right. That's good advice right there.

Shelly:

Well, you're welcome.

Archie:

Well, all right, folks, with the vote tally in and the winner announced. Thanks again. That wraps up The Great Tale Off until next season. We'll see y'all then for more tall tales and life talk.

Shelly:

And as always, it'll be a bit not quite right. Bye bye.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Archie Fields

Host
Head Shot

Shelly Smith

Host