From “Fine” to Fulfilled: Reclaiming Joy with Connie Cotter

What happens when your life looks “good on paper”… but something still feels missing?

In this heartfelt and energizing conversation, Rachel sits down with Connie Cotter, a faith-forward, joy-driven high-performance coach, to explore what it really means to move from fine to fulfilled. Connie shares her personal journey from a successful IT career to discovering her true calling—helping others reconnect with their purpose, rediscover joy, and design a life that feels aligned and meaningful.

Together, they unpack the difference between happiness and joy, the power of asking better questions, and simple ways to ground yourself in the present moment—even in the middle of a busy day.

If you’ve ever felt like something is “off” but couldn’t quite name it… this episode is for you.

💡 Key Takeaways

• “Fine” isn’t the same as fulfilled
  You can have everything you thought you wanted—and still feel something missing. 
• Joy is internal, not external
  Happiness comes and goes; joy is something you cultivate and choose. 
• Ask better questions
  Instead of “Why am I like this?” try: “Where is this coming from?”—a gentler, more productive approach. 
• The 3-2-1 Reset Tool
  A simple way to ground yourself in the present moment: 
  •  3 things you can see 
  •  2 things you can hear 
  •  1 thing you can physically feel 
• You don’t need all the answers to start
  Clarity comes from action—not overthinking. 
• You are not broken
  Growth isn’t about fixing yourself—it’s about reconnecting with who you already are. 
• Joy is a choice—and a practice
  It’s something you build daily through awareness, curiosity, and intentional living. 

🧠 Topics We Covered

•  Transitioning from corporate success to purpose-driven work 
•  Faith and science: finding alignment between logic and belief 
•  The danger of “should” thinking and external expectations 
•  How coaching creates clarity through powerful questions 
•  Morning routines vs. realistic grounding practices 
•  Whole-life coaching: why business and personal growth are connected 
•  The neuroscience of joy and decision-making 
•  Cultivating awe, wonder, and playfulness in everyday life 

🔗 Resources & Links

•  🌐 Connie’s Website: https://conniecotter.com
  
  
•  🎁 Free Resource: 13 Ways to Cultivate Your Sense of Wonder
  → https://conniecotter.com/wonder
  
  
•  📱 Connect with Connie: Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Welcome to Joy Unfiltered. I'm Rachel, and this is a podcast about joy. Not the shiny performative kind. Not the everything happens for a reason kind. This is joy as a strategy. A way to stay steady when life feels loud. A way to stay human when things are hard. A way to lead, love, and live without burning out or checking out. Some episodes will be just me. Some will be honest conversations with people who have lived their way into a deeper, truer joy. No fixing, no bypassing, just real stories, real tools, and room to breathe. Let's get into it. I am Rachel, your host, and I am so excited. Today I have Connie Cotter with me, and let me just introduce her. But this is gonna be really excited about this conversation. We have decided we are two like-minded souls who have found each other. So we will see where this conversation takes us today. But before we get there, let me tell you a little bit about Connie. So Connie Connie, well Connie, Connie Cotter is a faith-forward, joy-driven, certified high-performance coach who guides men and women to move from fine to fulfilled. After 23 years as an IT training leader, she now guides professionals through life's biggest transitions. When success feels hollow and your soul whispers, why do I feel like I'm missing something? Through her signature program, The Joy-Filled Life Blueprint, Connie combines practical, research-based, high-performance tools with faith-grounded confidence to help clients rediscover who they are, reignite joy, and design their next chapter with purpose, clarity, and I love this contagious fun. So welcome Connie to Joy Unfiltered.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Oh, yes, I'm so excited, so excited for this conversation. And when you read that, I'm just like, that's what I do. That's what I get to do every day.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Isn't that isn't that fun? And doesn't that bring I love that as well that that just brings your I can see that it just fills fills your soul and your body with yes. Yes, like, yes, this is what I do. So I love that. We also before before I get into this, when I said that we are two souls that found each other, which is great, we are even both from Minnesota, or I have both have lived in Minnesota. So yes, there aren't that many of us. So how how amazing, how fun is that? Love that. So well, I want to stop talking and turn it over to you. So why don't you tell us just a little bit, give us a little more background about who you are, a little bit of context, and then we can talk all about all about Joey.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Certainly. Uh so again, thank you for having me. And it it is really cool, the both Minnesotans. Um, we moved, like I said, five years ago down to Louisiana. So I'm in shorts and flip-flops while you're probably freezing right now. Um, I I now coached people who were me. And so, you know, you shared I was in IT. Um, I have a great husband. He makes me laugh every day. Sometimes I refer to him as my oldest child who still lives at home. Um, and I acquired my children when they were eight and twelve. So I went from being single, having a quiet space that was organized to a house full, you know, with two independent little people, not little. And my life was really good on the outside. And, you know, it was fine. And I had this feeling like I should be happier. Like I really should. I should feel happier. And I just didn't. And I spent many, many years trying to figure out what that was. And I stumbled into a free group coaching session. Turns out to be it was sponsored by or provided by the certified high performance coaching program. And the questions asked weren't productivity, weren't business, weren't finance, weren't health. It was like the whole life. And I was like, I think this is for me. And I signed up and started working with my own certified high performance coach within a couple of sessions. I was like, I have to do this. I want to share this with as many people as I can. Fast forward, I went through the program, became certified during the first certification week. I was like this, I'm calling it a divine intervention or confirmation, where I'd spent so many years helping businesses, business processes, business teams optimize their systems and processes by just asking questions and being curious. And now I get to be asked the questions and be curious to optimize people's whole lives. Like this is what I am put on this planet for.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

I love so many things I love about that. But what I love is that you are so certain in your purpose. And what an amazing feeling that is, right? When you finally find that and settle in, because that I mean, it just makes everything clicks then, right? And it feels, I mean, I can feel the energy. It feels like just everything, everything clicks with that. Um, I wrote down a couple of other things too. I mean, I think even going back to the statement, and there might be some people listening that they have a case of the shoulds, right? That I should be doing this, I should be doing this. Um, and I'm sure that you work with people that are in that space. So what's um what's the first thing that you or the first couple of things, maybe either that you ask them or that you are guiding them when you hear that that they are in that space of I'm stuck in the I should.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Excellent, excellent question. Yeah. And you know, there's like don't should on yourself all over the place. Right. And usually one of my first questions is where is that message coming from? Because a lot of times it's external. Um, this can be at jobs, you know, your your manager, your supervisor, you know, you should get this done, this done, this done. Um a lot of times it's messages from how you grew up, uh, family of origin or siblings or college friends, whatever. And I I also want to clarify I'm not a therapist. Therapists are fabulous people trained in that special skill that they have. So I I'm not an ist in any of that sort of thing. And um, for rehashing, you know, things from the past, those people are the perfect people. And yet everything we've done to this point brings us to where we are. So that first thing is where is that message coming from? And what I found in my own journey, sometimes those are shoulds coming from me. Like I'm putting these expectations on myself. And it's just like oh, uh, and just that is enough of a realization to go, well, uh, where did that come from? Why, why am I putting that pressure? And from my story, it was just like, you know, I was looking, I'm a scientist, I'm a chemist by by degree, and logically, you know, I was successful, I was making good money, I was healthy, I have a husband that makes me laugh. I'm like, I had all of this stuff. So logically, my response was I should feel happier. It's not like I was sad or miserable, and yet, really, there was that joy that was missing.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

Right, right. Well, I and what a what a um a fabulous question. I honestly thought that you were gonna use the word why instead of where is this coming from. And I love the way that that felt, and I don't know if softer is the right word, but it's a it feels like a softer question than why. I think you get to the same place and you're really still you're asking about what are these limiting beliefs and and and uh and that space a little bit, you know, getting to that, but where is that coming from feels like I can without blame or negativity or anything get to the same space where like or why? Like, because you know, you have those ask the five whys. And so that is often you know where we like that question comes to mind first. But I love I love the way you framed that in terms of where, like, where is that coming from? Because that feels like, oh yeah, I can I can start to think about that and answer those questions for myself.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

So so you just cracked one of my secrets as a coach. You're so smart. Because the sometimes the why doesn't matter. Like if you're going, if you're looking deeper in the five whys, that is a perfect exercise for what it is, you know, to uncover that core of why something feels or why you do something. And yet to just get started, sometimes those whys can cause spinning. So trying to attach it to some specific event, a conversation, a person, something you experienced, what, when, who, that seems to get people grounded a little faster in in that space.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Well, and I think faster and with less blame, right? Because the why feels like, oh, I did something wrong. So I have to figure out why this is happening. And the way you asked it is it's not a there's no judgment to that question. It's simply, well, where? Like where? I love this. I love that. I wrote that down. It's I'm learning something, learning something new all the time. So that is that is a ding-ding ding for me. The other thing that I um that I was noticing when you were talking as well is, and I'm wondering about this, is that you come from a very scientific background, and yet one of the first words that you use when you describe yourself is faith-driven. So you have these two dichotomies. So how did you one, how did you come to the space where you are naming that, that you are a faith-driven coach? And how do you reconcile that logic, which is because I believe in science as well, and I also believe in God, so both and, and how do you reconcile that in the even in your personal life?

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Excellent, excellent question. I love this. Uh, so just taking back a little further, I was born and raised in a small town in southeastern Minnesota, and my mom worked for the church, and our we were Lutheran, and my community surrounded around that church. And so all my friends, and that's where we did everything and all that sort of stuff. Well, then you know, I went to college and I moved away, and I was kind of looking for that same community that I found in my home church. And we um were like, I don't really know what to say right now. The it wasn't openly like practiced or talked about. I mean, we did our church thing, but not like so much in public. And when I met my husband, I was actually a consultant at his organization. And two weeks before my contract was up, he comes over and he starts talking to me at my cube. And I'm like, I'd worked with him, he's an IT guy, and he was weaving in some personal things and then work things. And and he said, one of the things he said is the Lord is an important part of my everyday life. And I just kind of paused. I'm like, nobody's ever said that, like directly. I'm from Minnesota, we don't talk like that right now.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

100% that was going in my head. We go to church on Sunday, but and we believe, but we don't talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

We don't say that. And so I was just like, Oh, okay. And when he said my head didn't spin around, he thought he had a chance. So I thought I was like, wow, I'm kind of like intrigued. And we went on our first date, and again, he was married, divorced with these two children. And it wasn't uh, what's your favorite color? What's your favorite movie? What's your favorite pizza topping? And we we talked about finances and family and faith and and all the big stuff because we're too old for this little piddly conversation. Yes. And I said that I was Lutheran and he said, I'm Catholic practicing. He goes, I'm not gonna change. I'm like, oh, okay. He goes, We're on the same team, same God, go us. I was like, wow. Well, flashing back to my small Norwegian German town, the Catholics were this mystery. Like, I didn't understand. And like you couldn't go to a Catholic church if you weren't Catholic perceptions. Where did I learn these messages? And so he said, Do you want to go to mass with us? And I'm like, is that allowed?

SPEAKER_00 13:44

So we have so much in common because I am the same. I yes, yes. I'm I'm I'm with I am with you. Those of you who are not we're listening, we're not from Minnesota, we're not from a small town Lutheran background. This might be a little bit odd, but this is life. This is life, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:01

Yes, totally. And so I went in and he joked with me. He's like, You're not gonna blow up or anything, you'll be fine. And it turns out there's a lot of commonality, like a lot. And there was no pressure to become Catholic. He's like, You can go to the Lutheran church. And I'm like, but if we're gonna go get married and I want to raise our kids and have a common faith. So I I took the confirmation program, joined the the Catholic faith, and just uh he did it in such a gentle way that I was like a no-brainer. I'm like, I have to do this. And I asked a lot of questions, and just continuing to develop this relationship with God. And like I said, when I was in certification week, I believe it was this message, like, honey, this is what you're meant to do. And over time, it's my the more I seem to talk about my faith, or I like get brave to say it in public at a convention. I'm talking to people and they're like, Oh yeah, me too. I'm an and I'm like, So it's getting easier. And the more I talk about it, the more people come, the more people want to hear about it. And so uh a certified high performance coach, I had a lot of I have trouble explaining that to people because a lot of people think it's fitness or you know, performance at work. And faith forward just means things are grounded. I am rooted in purpose and guided by grace. And if you're not Catholic, if you're not Lutheran, if you're you know, any religion is fine. If you don't believe in God, that's totally fine. I just want to be up front with that's my guide. He's he's my boss, and that's how I approach things.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

I love that. And I do believe that being grounded and convicted in something, right? So what you believe and being transparent about putting it out there, the right people, my my my belief is then the right people are attracted to you and the right people are attracted to somebody else. Then if that, right, because there are enough probably high performance coaches, not to say that you're not special, but right, there are enough, there are enough coaches, and there are way more people that need coaches than there probably are even our coaches available, that we all then, if we are clear about who we are, clarity of purpose as well, that the the right people will be in the room and the right people will will decide to work with you.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

100%. Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Yep. It's not about convincing anybody of anything, it just is about this is who I am and this is how I can help, right? Right. Exactly. Exactly. I love that. So talk then about um besides, because now I'm curious in terms of how you do ground yourself. So what are some, I hate to say like morning rituals or morning practices? Because I believe I do have my own, but I believe this this morning ritual thing got so big that I swear you have to like you have to get up at 4 a.m. and it's you're not gonna be done until 10 if you do all the things that everybody says, right? I mean, for real. But yes, you probably have some really good morning practices. So I I just am always curious about how do how do you like what do you do in the morning to gonna kind of get yourself grounded and ready for the ready for the day.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

Yes, yes. And yeah, I totally, totally understand when you hear some people, it is, it's like you're late for work because you're doing four hours worth of morning root routine. Right, right. So yes, it it's it really is what fits you, you know. So yes, I always love hearing other people's routines as well. Mine is um I get up and I just move around. I kind of just am walking around the house, do some stretching, working on my mobility because I'm realizing I'm getting a little tippy in the shower if I don't practice my mobility. And then I have uh coffee with God. Uh, I grab my cup of coffee, and now that we're down in Louisiana, sometimes I go sit outside on my back porch. Sometimes I'm just sitting on the couch. Uh, so it's usually the readings for the day. Right now I'm in the middle of a Lenten devotional, so it's 40 days focusing on Lent. Um, I've just incorporated the meditation. Uh so after I read the verses or the readings from the day, I'm trying to pull out something and then just sit with that. Um it's hard because I have an active brain that's like, okay, what are you gonna do? And I'm like, just sit with it. I'm asking, like, what does this mean? kind of ruminating through. And um, and then I go on with my day. And if I wake up late and uh I try and do just a couple quick morning prayers just to set myself and then try and go back. Sometimes I'm like, I'm late, and then I just get into the day, and those days are real are harder. They just are. Um, the other thing that throughout the day uh is um one of my mentors is Brenda Breshard, he calls them pit stops. Uh, but I you know, take a break to release the work I've done and then recharge. I have a um the rebounder, the little trampoline, which I thought it's so fun. I feel like a kid. Or I go for a walk or just walk in the grass or whatever, and then refocus and come back. And so it's otherwise you just keep piling on all of this energy that you're working. And so, like releasing it out, and that keeps things on a pretty even keel.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

I love that. And I think that is such a great reminder because we do spend so much time thinking about okay, what is that perfect morning routine? And I have to say, I had to get out of thinking, okay, if I don't have this hour and a half to do these things, then I might as well as well not do anything, right? I mean, so it's like either one or the other. But so I honestly for myself had to had to design, okay, here's what I have. If I have 10 minutes, here's what's important. If I have 20 minutes, if I have an hour. So that at least I have those things so I don't have to make that decision in the morning, right? Um, so that I've got those options. I've got a, you know, but I think the other piece that you just said is how can we incorporate some of those um, whatever we want to call them, pit stops, meditation snacks, whatever that is, just even a couple of really big deep breaths throughout the day at different points. Um start to practice that. Um, if we talk about the faith stuff, somebody said, well, God's not just there in the morning when you pray, like he's there the whole, you know, it's it's there, or your guides, I have guides as well. So all those pieces, like, no, you can you can talk to you can talk to and pray whenever you want to, right? So you know, those of you listening, if that if faith isn't part of of your day, that's fine. Those couple of big deep breaths, just kind of centering your energy, I think is so crucial because you're right, all of this stuff just we just start and then we don't stop until I don't know, we go to bed, right? And that is not as helpful as if we can take those pit stops kind of throughout the day. And sometimes I try to call them, you know, joy breaks or something, right? Like you know, one of the things we talk about is do you just like take a couple of big big deep breaths, open your eyes, and like just point out three things that you can see that bring you joy, right? So, like, okay, let's practice doing some of those things throughout the day.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

So yes, oh my gosh, totally. So I'd have the same uh I call it the three, two, one reset when you're spiraling on I shoulda, shoulda, shoulda, coulda, woulda done, or oh my gosh, I got this, this, this, this, this, this. You're like either in the past or way far in the future and bringing yourself back to the present. So three things you can see in detail, not just like a plant, a light, a flower, but like right outside my window, I've got a blue. Blooming in Xalea Bush, which is just amazing. And so sit and look at the different colors and how they blow in the wind or whatever. And then two things that you can hear because we get all caught up in I got a cuckoo clock, which I love. And then there's a battery-operated wall clock that ticks really loud that I learned to ignore. So and then one thing that you feel ideally, tactily, you know, I feel my feet on the carpet. They're barefoot, so I feel the carpet. And that you are in the moment. You can't be anywhere else. And then I just encourage people to spend 30 seconds, a minute, and just dive into one of those things and like really look at it or really listen to it or really feel it. And that also just kind of brings everything down a little bit to recenter before you go into your next task.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

I love that. So again, I want to repeat that if those of you who missed that. So you said it's the three, two, one reset, right? So it's the three things you can see, two things you can hear, and then one thing that you can feel. Feel. Okay. And physically feel, not just emotionally feel, right? Like something that's emotional. Yep. Love it. And somebody told me once as well. I mean, I tend to think, you know, go to towards the joy space, but somebody said um to not even like put that emotion on it, just to to be like to do that, like something like the three, two, one on neutral things. So it's not even, it's not, it's not that brings you joy or or not brings you joy. It's something just like, okay, three neutral things. So that that really does ground you in the in the present. And it's just, it just is. Yes. Right. And sometimes we need that.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Yeah. And I can totally connect it to the joy because that is inside. Um, it brings out some playfulness. Like my husband and I go for a walk, and like we've got these beautiful trees, and I'll notice that this little clump of leaves is fluttering in the wind, and the rest of the tree isn't. And I'm like, wow, look at that. It's really cool. And one of the first times he goes, Well, it's because the breeze is wrapping around the bill. And I'm like, la la la la la. I don't care why. I'm just noticing that this little clump. And so it's just like, oh, that's so cool. And then, you know, move on. You can totally go into all the science and all that stuff behind it. Um, but yeah, so just when you notice like the different colors in my azalea, the petals of it. So that little bit of moment. And that like translates into the joy because for me, that's just like awe and wonder. And how did that come about? And what caused that? And I don't need the answers. It just is intriguing to ask the questions.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

Yeah, the awe and the wonder, absolutely. And I, you know, talk about you and both of those things were about nature. So the being outside and the nature piece of it absolutely kind of builds in or supports the whole the whole whole notion of joy. So talking about that, um so in this is we had a little tiny bit of a conversation even before we started, the difference between what joy and happiness, right? So so talk to me a little bit about where you see those, those, that the difference of that.

SPEAKER_01 25:17

Yes, I love this question. Um, so it, you know, sharing my story before, I have all these great things in my life. I should be happier. And I was happy. And I've learned over time that happiness is generally something external and it's fleeting. Um, so you can read a book and that makes you feel happy. You can work on a jigsaw puzzle and that makes you happy. But then when the book is over, that thing, the movie's over, your conversation's over, the puzzle's film, whatever it happens to be, then it's just like, oh, well, you're not necessarily unhappy or sad or anything like that, but it's just that, wow, I'm happy. And before I got into the high performance coaching and you know, a lot into the personal development, yeah, people are filled with joy. And I'm I'm like, really, are they really filled with joy? And now, yes, they are, because you can. And it's it's cultivated. And it's I think when uh what matters to me are aligned, I connected more with God, I'm in this space of awe and wonder. Joy is internal. And now it's it's almost like a compass for me. If if things feel exciting and fun and maybe scary because it's new, but it it lines up, then it's just that next step on the joy path. And joy is also a choice. Feelings are thoughts that we attach to certain situations, and uh, I can uh choose uh to be joyful, and I do because it's way more fun. I've I'd like to say I'm in, I started over at age 50. I'm gonna, you know, the first 50 years I wasn't really paying a lot of attention, and so now I'm eight. So what does an eight-year-old approach the world with? With all of my knowledge and experience, of course. And it's just it's playful, it's fun, and yeah, so I I want people to feel the joy. And I also can't really articulate why, but I like joy-filled versus joyful. And I think last night as I was laying down, um, getting ready or on my way to fall asleep, what happened? I was thinking about this, and joy-filled, so I'm my skin, my body, is filled. Every little crevice is filled with the joy rather than joyful, which it it just doesn't resonate. So it's a little wordplay thing, but that's what works for me.

SPEAKER_00 27:57

No, I I love language. I love language. I actually love language so much that I my um not my past, but part of my part of my journey um has been in in wellness and in wellness coaching. And so I tried, and maybe I'll still continue to try, but I tried for for a long time to call them enjoy outs instead of workouts. You know, who wants more work, right? Like some fun. There weren't very many of my clients who are willing to go along with that, but I'm like, I'm I'm I might still try to get that in the dictionary someday. But I love the I love the word about being joy-filled, and I think that goes back to the two words that I wrote down that you had said as well is that joy is cultivated and it's a choice, right? So if you're joy-filled, that means you chose to put that in or to look for that or to accept that, right? Joy full could just be, you know, that could be something else. But so I love, I love that. But I think um, not I think, but it is, I do believe that joy is a choice. And I think one of the things where you said joy makes things more fun, and I 1000% believe that. And then even the next step though, that if we are choosing joy, I love all of the things that happen in our brain, that our neurochemistry changes, and we are choosing joy, and we are joy-filled, that we actually are more creative, that we have options for more choices, so that when as you are coaching people along their journey and they're going, asking that question about where did these things come from, they're better able to think about those things, right? Because when we are negative and our brain closes off a little bit and we're in that, you know, fight and flight mode, we literally have less choices. Because if we just, you know, our brain chemistry works, right? If we were being chased by a saber-toothed tiger, you don't want seven choices. You want one choice you want to get away, right? Yes, yes, that is not what is happening anymore. And right now the saber-toothed tiger is our email inbox, or you know, right, the phone that keeps ringing, or like things that aren't actually gonna kill us, but that are raising our cortisol levels, making those choices diminish, right? So that if we can breathe, take your three, two, one reset and breathe, fill ourselves with joy, then we can breathe. And we have seven options of ways we can clear out our inbox or answer that where is this coming from question.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

And I love this conversation. It is like two, this is so incredible. Because you just, yes, exactly. And that's another big part of my coaching is this safe space to remove the stress, to provide the calm to identify those options. Because if you're like, I I want to do X, okay, and we talk about it. And what's one way you can start moving towards that? One, but what's another way? Uh, you know, and because we want that brain to open up, because if you have options, you have choices, you can try one if it doesn't work, you can go to the next one, you can put one and four together and come up with five. I mean, it's it is it's more freeing and more relaxing rather than in that confined closed space, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

Yeah, and everybody might not label that joy, but really it is.

SPEAKER_02 31:43

It really is.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

So I'm gonna label it joy, and I'm just gonna call it out for people. So, so if I am, and I'm thinking of the the best way to ask this question, but so I'll just ask it. Like, why would someone say, I I need to work with you? Like, what is it? What what are they feeling in their bodies? What are they looking for? What what's happening in their lives that they're like, I need to raise my hand and work with and work with Connie.

SPEAKER_01 32:10

Again, like I said, I'm I'm working a lot with people who used to be me. And it was, I, you know, I listened to podcasts, I read books, but there's so many books, there's so many podcasts. How do you know? Here's all the options. I've tried all these. So we were just talking about options. Options is a great thing, but then that can get really overwhelming. Which one's gonna work? What do I do? Well, they kind of talked about it, but they didn't give me the steps. And so the person who's uh got that feeling like there's something missing, uh maybe I'm disconnected, maybe I'm just unfulfilled, like they don't really know what it is, and that's totally fine. And maybe they don't know what the next step is. Totally fine. They're tired of trying to figure it out. And you know, that's where I was. It just I stumbled into this thing, and just the questions was enough to go, okay, I want to pursue this further. And um the I had a thought and it just escaped me. It'll come back if it's important. The the first thing is a conversation because I want everybody who's listening, at least my style of coaching, I don't have the answers. These answers are not for me. I am your guide. And uh I will ask you questions. And I I use this analogy of like, okay, my brain is in the skull, and all the words just keep spinning around like the motorcycle in the cage at the circus, if they still do that thing. And when you can talk, the words come out. And I I still work with my own certified high performance coach. It's been six years because I keep evolving in my life, and so I want to keep improving. And sometimes our she doesn't say very much. Sometimes she just asks one question, the words start coming out, and then I can, instead of it being a jumble, I can put the words in order. I'm like, oh, and then that sparks something, and that sparked something. And when I get stuck, she asks another question. And so I think that's another. If you're looking for a coach, you know, what kind of style do they have? And I'm all about solutions. We're moving forward, we don't sit and spin. You have to take action. And that's another thing on my tagline is taking action to get more from life with just a simple analogy of I'm thirsty. I can sit here and think about being thirsty all day long, and I will always be thirsty. I can ask my husband, would you go to the refrigerator and get me some water? So asking for help is a way to take action. There's I can get up and go and get the water, but I took and I took an action. I just I did something. It wasn't huge and monumental, but I moved toward what I wanted. I didn't know all the steps. And that's the other thing. People don't have to know all of the steps. Just start heading in the direction, see what works, ask a question, make a decision, take the next step.

SPEAKER_00 35:30

Gotcha. So it's something that if I am thinking about an I'm just not satisfied at work, I'm not satisfied at home. I mean, is do you have when you when I think of high performance coach, I'm thinking of my like my business life, like things that I want to do. But do you work with people both in that kind of kind of business mind of our business like space or their personal life? I mean, are your are your clients kind of a cross-section of that or are they one or the other?

SPEAKER_01 36:02

Yes, it's um most of my clients have come to me first for support in business. Yeah. Entrepreneurs, um, leaders having team conflicts, entrepreneurs getting started, you know, but juggling all these other sorts of things. Because it's a whole life approach, and you can't separate business from personal, you don't you don't segment yourself. Um, one of my clients was like, I had no idea that this would improve my relationship with my husband and with my daughter. Like we talk more deeply now, and we have this relationship that I didn't even know existed. She came in asking for help from a support on a team member at work. And so, yeah, it's, you know, it can be whatever. It is research backed. So you get back to my science. Um, these aren't just questions I made up or just a curriculum that, you know, I thought would sound cool or be effective. It's it's based on hundreds of thousands of assessments on this the progression. Um, and yet it's not, I'm not gonna ask Jane question one, two, three, Janet, one, two, three, Jane, one. I mean, we don't just like go through the questions, you know, it is this conversation, but the questions are there to spark that conversation.

SPEAKER_00 37:20

Right. No, and I love that. And I think that goes to, well, it definitely goes to when you talk about whole person, that is something absolutely that I talk about when we talk about joy-led leadership. Um, because I think so often, or not so often, but it has been said that, okay, you're at work, and so you know, leave leave this other stuff at the door. Like I love that that phrase, like, oh no, just leave it at the door because you're gonna be here. Well, no, that doesn't work, right? We don't leave things at the door. We come, and if we are effective, really effective leaders, or from my perspective, effective, joy-led leaders, that we bring our whole selves to work, right? So, of course, that if you bring your whole self to work, you also bring your whole self home, right? Like, you know, we don't we don't segment our ourselves, nor should we. And and although I think I think things are evolving because I think that that was kind of expected, maybe you know, before, like, oh no, don't be emotional, don't be this, don't be joyful at work, just be this, right? Be your logic, you bring your logical brain to work and then leave the other stuff someplace else. Well, I think we're finding that doesn't really work. So I love that. And it seems as though, too, for your coaching, that people can come. I like to think of the flywheel, like people can come in at any point, you're still gonna get to the center of the core of the person, right? And that is then gonna help fill that whole circle.

SPEAKER_01 38:50

So and actually, the I'm like, have you worked with me before? We just met.

SPEAKER_00 38:55

People we just met, but she's like that Minnesota Lutheran thing, I'm sure it is.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

It is, but that wheel, because it's it's all aspects, it's your finances, it's your health, it's your relationship, the relationship with yourself, it's your your vitality, your meaningful pursuits, what are you doing, your career, your vocation, hobbies. And if it's a wheel, got to roll down the road, it needs to be relatively balanced, not like perfectly round. But if you're compromising your own, because I know your health and fitness background, if you're neglecting your own health and energy, you're gonna have this big dividend as you go down the road, it's gonna be clunky.

SPEAKER_00 39:35

Right. 100%, 100%. My sister is that my sister happens to be a Lutheran pastor. Um, and and myself coming from the the kind of the fitness world too. I'm like, we at the end of the day, we can have the same conversations with people, right? They're just entering, they're just entering the conversation from a different space. But at the end of the day, we're still having, I mean, she still talks to when she coaches, she does some life coaching as well. You know, when she coaches, she's like, I we always get to talking about what are they, how are they fueling their bodies? You know, you might ask the question first about Kale. I just ask it, you know, 17th, but you know, we're getting to the same, we're getting to the same stuff, right? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 40:14

Exactly, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 40:15

Yeah, and it all leads to feeling, I think. I mean, we the the we can name it something else, but you know, feeling that joy in our lives, that peace, that you know, being able to regulate our nervous systems and and use that to make some good decisions. So love. Yes. Yes. So I would like to ask, what are um, and this is not a this is not a quiz, but what are you listening to? We talked about podcasts, like what are you listening to? What are you reading? Like what what fills you? Um, and it doesn't necessarily need to be all about this like seriousness stuff, but like what fills you?

SPEAKER_01 40:53

I um right now I'm reading um Living a Virtuous Life in the World of Chaos, I think is the title.

unknown 41:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 41:01

Um, a book by Father Mike Schmitz. Okay. Um, in this, because this is just world of chaos. And um, I'm actually not listening to a lot of podcasts right now. Okay. And I like just nothing. I like nature. And uh so getting outside, the birds are chirping loudly, and we've got chickens and roosters in the neighbor's backyard. Uh, so I hear those. Uh hanging out with my cat when she allows me to hold her. That's that's a uh thing. Um I'm really just living in a very grateful space right now and super busy with work. I've got a speaking event coming up in Miami at the end of this month. Um, I've got a workshop coming. I was certification week for my to recertify with my coaching program. Um, my downtime is really just hanging out with my husband and my cat and nature and I just I take in enough during the day that I'm like, I don't need to take in more stuff.

SPEAKER_00 42:10

Fair, fair. I love it, I love it. Well, before we get to like, you know, giving everybody how they how they can get a hold of you, um, is there anything else that you are dying? You're like, Rachel, I wish you'd have asked this, or any last pieces of advice that you have for anyone listening that is kind of feeling I'm feeling fine, but not fulfilled.

SPEAKER_01 42:35

I want everybody to know that first of all, you're not broken. You don't need to be fixed. And so from me, anyway, as a as this coach, it's not about fixing you, but it's reconnecting with what's inside. I believe God has given every single human on this planet value to bring out and share with the world. Rachel, you are the only one Rachel that has ever been created. Not in the past, you're in this present moment, there won't be another Rachel in the future. And you think about that, and that just blows my mind like you were one and only unique, and there are gifts that you have.

SPEAKER_02 43:24

Oh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 43:25

And cemeteries are full of people who waited, or I don't know what I'm doing. I if only's. And you don't have to have the answer. I would love to help people figure it out. And tomorrow is never promised. You don't know how long we're here, you don't know how long your loved ones are going to be here. So just take a little leap of faith, trust, reach out to people, have a conversation.

SPEAKER_00 43:52

I love that. I have goosebumps and thinking you we are cut from some sort of same cloth because I I love what you said too, just because I firmly believe that we were all given gifts. And I sometimes even say it's selfish of us to not use those gifts. I mean, we were given those, and they are gifts, and so to be able to share those. So thank you for sharing your gift with us. Um thank you for sharing your gift with me. Just having even having this conversation was was so lovely, so delightful. So if someone is out there listening, and I know you are, and you're thinking, I am fine, but not fulfilled, how do they get a hold of you?

SPEAKER_01 44:36

You can start with my website, Connie Cotter, C-O-T-T-E-R.com. And that's getting a revamp and a reface lift, so I'm super excited it'll be coming out soon. If you want to I do have uh a free gift for your listeners. It's called 13 Ways to Cultivate Your Sense of Wonder. And that's at ConnieCotter.com forward slash wonder W-O-N-D-E-R. The three to one reset is the first one. But there's other ways just to, you know, tap into childness, playfulness, that awe. I'm on Facebook. I have a Facebook group. Again, I'm in the middle of rebranding, but it's empty nesters. Uh designing your next chapter with clarity and confidence in a community. I'm on Instagram and also LinkedIn.

SPEAKER_00 45:27

Awesome. And I will put all of that in the show notes. So you didn't have to take notes during that, but all of those, all of those links will be in the show notes. So, like I said, this was delightful. And hopefully, those of you who are listening as well, please reach out to Connie. She um if I feel this delighted after this 45 minutes of just having this conversation, I know you will as well. So reach out to Connie. And those of you listening again, I am Rachel from Joy Unfiltered. And from my the bottom of my heart, I celebrate you today and every day. So have fun, live well, enjoy.