Is Overscheduling Pushing Us Past Our Limits?

We often wear "busy" like a badge of honor, filling every white-space on our calendars until our lives look like a game of Tetris where the blocks never stop falling. But what happens when the adrenaline of productivity masks the onset of total depletion? This episode explores the thin line between a full life and an overscheduled one, and why we often don’t realize we’ve hit the wall until we’re already leaning against it.

Music by: Matt McGrath https://www.instagram.com/matthewmcgrathmusic 

https://www.instagram.com/bubbles_and_breakdowns

And remember, after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Welcome to Bubbles and Breakdowns, a space designed for you to show up as your beautifully imperfect self where we dive into the good, the bad, and the bubbly. I'm Katrina. And I'm Ashley. And whoo! I don't know about you, but I'm busy. Busy, busy. And we often wear busy like a badge of honor. Filling every white space in our calendars until our lives look like a game of Tetris where the blocks never stop falling and I fall with them. But what happens when the adrenaline of productivity masks the onset of total depletion? Ooh. This episode explores that thin line between a full life and an overscheduled one. And why we don't realize we've hit the wall until we're already leaning against it or are flat on the floor. Pancakes on the highway. Done. I feel like I am so torn between this because there's been so many times where my husband goes, Ashley, I'm telling you a month ahead of time. This weekend you said we have nothing going on. We do. It is nothing. The thing we have going on is nothing. And I guess. Yes, Brad, yes. Okay, I'll fall in suit. But like, and then do you know what's funny? That weekend comes and we're kind of bored. Yes, same Z. If I don't have something, I get bored. Same. And I'm like, are we so used to this go go go mentality that on the relaxing days we are like Jones in for something? Well, and like frankly, we also have younger children and they get bored. They're like, I've already played with all of these toys and I've already looked at all this stuff and I've done art projects until I can't color anymore. And they're like, get me out of here. But like I think our children are also trained, unfortunately, to expect a lot of activity. I know. Like I pick up the kids from school and they'll sometimes go, where are we going? And I'm like, nowhere. And they're like, can we go out? Yeah, they're like, can we go out to dinner? And I'm like, no, you're gonna eat leftovers and you're gonna like it, you know? But like I do think both of us are really like we have to give ourselves a little bit of congratulations for we enrich our families' lives. We are planners, both of us. They are so lucky to have us. Yeah, you know what? They are, dang it. And and they probably also like, but then the the the advertising helpless plug. Yeah, yeah. Like we create these trips, we create these adventures, create experiences, and but then we do pay for it with sometimes I am extremely irritable for sure. Because I'm so overtasked. I know, and I think part of it too, while you're in that craziness, it could be a crazy summer or a crazy whatever. I think there's a culture around that too. Like, I'm just thinking of summer coming up, and we're scheduling so many things, and gotta keep them busy. Yeah, and it's also like it's it's summer. You only have 18 summers with your kids. I know. And you better love it and you better enjoy it and you better do everything you can. And it's like the cultural pressure of that is a lot. And then you see everybody doing their oh, we checked off our entire month of July list of we had the s'mores in the backyard, we also camped six times, and we went, you know, to the lake in the cabin and oh, memories forever. And I'm like, did you breathe? I know. Did you breathe? Did you have fun? Like, did we get life done? I know looking back, I think we've talked about this before. The memories I have growing up in as a kid aren't the special things. Yeah, it's the mundane. So I think there's like takes a little bit of the pressure off when I start to think of that. Um, at least hopefully, but there is a cost to overscheduling. There's been times I've I will remember this so much last fall. I was crazy. And I feel like Katrina even said, like, you're crazy with what's going on. And then I got to not remember and then I got to step throat. Yeah, you wore yourself out. I remember you just being so like, yeah, like chill. And I was like, I got so much to do. But it was like, whoa, your body will take the price for overscheduling or you were moving. Oh my god, a lot of things. And then, like, when you go through these kind of high adrenaline overloaded weeks and months, your body will ultimately crash, and all the things that adrenaline has been masking rear their ugly head, whether it's strep or just like all of a sudden, you're just like dead to the world. I'll talk about the other night where were we? Oh yeah, we were coming back from a mini trip nearby and we had had just like a blast of a weekend, and you know, we're unloading, and for whatever reason, my husband and I, it's almost like this who can unload the fast kind of thing that happen the fastest competition. And then all of a sudden, like before our kids maybe have even gone to the bathroom, we have a load of laundry in. We're like, what is wrong with us? And I've like literally had to say, like, let's slow down, like, let's focus on the children because we love to get our lives back in order like very, very quick. Like, it's kind of an obsession, it's kind of annoying, and we should knock it off and have a dirty house once in a while. But that night, um, it was my husband's last game of co-ed soccer. He is semi-retiring after like 12 years of playing in the same league. It's a big deal. I didn't know this. I know, I know. We haven't caught up. We've been busy with like and we've been overscheduled and like out of home and all of that. But like, so then they were like, we're gonna have dinner. And I was like, the game's at five. That means we're done at six. And like, um, we just got back from a mini trip. The kids are exhausted. I was like, this is a very bad idea. And he was like, Yeah, but it's like the last, you know, they'll have fun. And I was like, I really don't want to, and I did anyway. What happens? Meltdowns full on, and not only that, the game before was running 15 minutes late, so then we were pushed 15 minutes even later. By the time we got to the restaurant, 7 no, it was 6 30, 6 22, actually. Exactly. This is what I was calcing it. Okay, this is an aside, and I hate to do this, but this was like right when Katrina and I first started hanging out and like like podcasting days. I was like, oh my god, Brad, she's she's my girl. Cause like you're coming over the road play date. It was our first one with our daughters and ETA nine minutes, and I'm like, like someone that speaks my time level because 6 30 and 6 22 are not the same. Yeah, they're very different. Very different. But regardless, our table also, we we had a reservation. I even called to make sure like they could add a few more people who decided they wanted to join us. We had a party of 14. I was like, they're gonna have it set up. I'm like, we're running 15 minutes late. I wanted to let you know, we'll be there. So we get there. Our table's not even set up. I'm like, guys, first of all, my son's ears have now fully closed. He's not listening. He's playing with the revolvador, he's running outside, hiding behind planters. I'm like, get in here or else you are not getting your sprite. You know, I'm like threatening at this point. I'm done. Then my poor daughter didn't get to sit by the person she wanted to sit by. And so then she's full waterworks. Losing it. Losing. I mean, both my kids were imploding. All the kid-free adults or kids, you know, adults with well-managed children, well-behaved children, having the time of their life. I'm over here in DEF CON 5 after a mini trip, Ash. And I was like, that's it. So then that night, kids go to bed. I'm talking about the burnout part right now, right? So like we go hard. We go hard. Go hard. That night, I literally kids get down. Of course, I had to ping pong ball between both rooms like I always do. Nobody wants to go to sleep without a mommy hug. It's the the worst but the best. The best and the worst at the same time. I walk out, Matt's reading on the couch. I look at him, I go, I'm gonna go take a bath. I walk into the bath for Epsom salts, soak, and then I like barely said three words to him for the rest of the night. I was like, good night. And I went to sleep, and the next day I go, I want you to know I was in full survival mode that bath was the only thing that saved me. But you know, at least you know what will. I feel like my problem is I'm so tired. I get in bed, and then when I'm that burnt out and that gone, I wake up so sore. Yeah. Because I pass out like my like a kid passes out. That's how I arm out of the and like constantly, and again, this is the perimenopause, like lack of I was gonna say oxygen, maybe it's I can't like do anything. But for a while I had that like frozen shoulder and I've got frozen elbow, yeah. And my hands are asleep, yeah, and I've gone to the doctor, it's just my carpal tunnel. But will I wear wrist guards? No, no, you don't it ruin your stylish life. I mean my wrist guards and my mouth guard guarding, guarding all night. It's a whole thing. Um, but I know it's one of those things that's just like I feel so depleted, but like I do, but like, would I want it any other? Exactly. Oh no. That's my question because I looked back and I'm like, I had a blast on our mini trip. I'm glad we went to the dinner because it was like the last night, and you want to be there for the thing. I do think that then it does cause me to be a little bit more hermit crabby for a little bit because I'm like, I've gone out too far and now I have to kind of like look go back in, and that's maybe how I get balance. But I agree, like I love having busyness. Me too. It makes me thankful. It makes me happy about spending this quality time and making it work, not to say worth something, right? But really creating these memories of doing, doing, doing. But I think the one thing that I've been really good about pulling back from as far as overscheduling is the multiple things in a day. Oh, don't even get me started. Because there's some times where I'm like, I'm sorry we cannot go to every birthday party. I went to two birthday parties one day after a soccer game, and I was like, What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? It was nuts. It's hard, it's really the birthday day culture of these kids' generation is wild. Wild. Like, build it in your budget. And I don't know about you, but in my daughter's class, all the birthdays are in one month. Oh, same. And I was like, I was like, February? What is going on? That was ours too. And it's crazy. Uh okay, we'll we'll do what we can. We'll be where we need to be. But I know I think those are the ones things that I'm like, we cannot physically make it to everything. So that's where we've pulled back. Yeah. Um, but I good call. It's a good call. Yeah, it really is. Cause I just can't, yeah. And then there's this whole concept of like FOMO or Jomo. Have you heard of this? Where it's like fear of missing out versus joy of missing out. First of all, I don't know if joy is the right word for that. I think it's like a little overstated. I don't know. Sometimes I feel joy. You do? I do. But it's only when I'm focused on things that I want to be doing. Yes. That makes sense. If the exchange is a positive one that brings you joy, I get it. But if it's just I don't want to go, therefore I'm not going. For me, it's more just like being content with missing out for sure. Versus like it doesn't necessarily elicit joy, but it, you know what it did? It prevented me pain for sure. I have a question for you though. Have you ever had those things you've made yourself go to? And then didn't regret it. Yes. I know same all the time. And I'm like, there's certain things where I'm just like, I'm so tired. I can't go out. I know. But then when I do, I'm like, I really didn't know I needed that till I got that. And you were happy. And I was happy. So Matt is a big proponent of that thought process is like you go no matter what, because you end up most of the time not regretting it. However, I will say, like, whatever times that I have regretted it, I have thrown it in his face. And I've been like, life of the game. I was like, see, I shouldn't have gone. And I told you I shouldn't have gone. Well, because of course I'm exhausted. I'm irritable. But like, but like there are moments where there's been, there's been both, I guess, is my point. Is like there's been times where I've been pleasantly surprised. There's been other times where I'm like, no, I was not in the right mindset to handle that and I shouldn't have gone. And I do think it's actually a part of getting to know yourself of like what you're gonna be able to deal with and what you're not. And I think sometimes I'm still learning that. Totally. I'm completely with you. And I think it's okay to say no. We yes, we know this, but I feel like this is not the way I thought this episode was gonna go. No, yeah, because I I'm gonna keep over scheduling, I think. I and you know what? That's why we're having this conversation is because at the end of the day, there's kind of a joy in the depletion. There is why because it means you left it all on the field. I know. Yeah. You know what? That's totally right. And I think that overscheduling just to stay busy is wrong, but I think we overschedule with purpose. Right. And maybe that's the essence of this. Maybe the essence is like if your priorities are in the right place and you're looking to cultivate experiences and bring joy to your family, it makes the overscheduled busyness worth it at the end of the day when you fall asleep with your frozen shoulder and you can't get out of bed. Totally. And you know what? It makes me too like so, not even just like the things, like the parties, the vacations, but let's talk about like children activities. Yeah, oh yeah. Like signing kids up for stuff. Like there, I feel like I've heard every time I hear about this spoken, I always hear the negatives. Yeah. But I have seen so many positives for my own kids being involved in more. Yeah. I'm not pushing them. Yeah. I am taking their lead. Yeah. If they sign up for something and don't want to go, I want them to complete it. So we will we will finish this session or we will finish this class, we will finish whatever. And then we just won't do it next time. But I seeing them busy in that, I see them thriving. Yeah. And you know what it's doing too, just to like compliment that is it helps them create a sense of their own personal identity. Yes. Because they're usually involved in things without you, or maybe you're on the sidelines or behind the window at a swimming class and you're seeing and, you know, for example, right now, I've got both my kids in swimming and they want to go and they love it. It's a short, dedicated amount of time. You know, my daughter's in gymnastics and she loves it. So is my son. And then we also have my son signed up for soccer. He doesn't love soccer. And I said, this is the last one. If he really still doesn't, then we're done. But to your point, is like you gotta read your own kids. Totally. If it's energizing them and they look forward to it, you're doing the right thing. If they don't, and then, you know, like I think with my whole thing with the activities thing is like whose agenda isn't? And I love that you said you're following their lead. And I think that's really critically important, especially at the ages that we have our children at right now, because what I don't want to do, like full stop, is I don't want to live vicariously through them. I don't want to like make up for lost dreams of like, well, you're gonna be a prima ballerina or you're gonna be a figure skater because I never, or you're gonna be a concert pianist or violinist or whatever the missed dream was from our childhood. Like, I don't want to be like overscheduling them towards those things to achieve a goal that I never did. No, because they don't probably even want that for sure. And I think it's this age, it's important to expose them to different things so they can find their thing. And if none of those are the thing, fine, and that's okay, you know, and but we'll find something that yeah, go be the math lead, go be the drama person. Absolutely. Like, what did what makes them smile? What makes them think? What makes them proud of themselves? And starts to complete and like you said it perfectly, builds their identity because our job as parents is to let them go one day. So if we are accurately propping them up, not over scheduling for over scheduling's sake, right, but exposing them to enough that they're not burnt out, that they are enjoying it, but while completing it, if they don't, right? I think that's very important for my husband and I both we are really giving them the tools to succeed. Yes. It's about resilience, it's about commitment, it's about you know being adaptive to what's being required of you. Yeah. And a lot of kids aren't. I agree. And and you know, it's so interesting because there's a lot of this like gentle parenting, and you know, we're kind of drifting in topics, but it's like at the end of the day, we're not just like I said, it goes back to the purpose. Like, what is the purpose of the activities that we're doing? And and are we prioritizing the right things? And I think that that's the check. Yes, is that if you know you're prioritizing the right things, great. Now, adversely to people who are out there right now, maybe you're overscheduling to I don't know, get out of the house because you don't want to be there, and then you're not focusing on maybe an issue that resides there, or maybe you're overscheduling yourself with work to stay away from your family. Maybe there's another issue there. Like I really think there's something too, Ashley, about finding out what is the purpose of the busyness, or is it the performance culture where you feel like if I'm not busy, then I'm losing at life, you know? Like if if I think that's the healthy maybe assessment with this overscheduling and checking ourselves. Totally. And I think there is, like I said, like, oh, we get bored for a weekend, but it's very important to be happy and content in your home without having something to do for the day. And, you know, we're people that like to get out and enjoy those things, but I think there is just that importance too in being like happy with where you're at. And and let's talk about this because you just triggered one thing for me, which is like the moments that we weren't overscheduled. And let's say we did have kind of like a home-based weekend instead of running around. I've had some really amazing developments in my neighborhood where all of a sudden we're all having dinner in the cul-de-sac together, we're having a bonfire, the kids are playing together, especially when the weather's nice, and we're like, wow, that was so wonderful. Or all of a sudden, everybody's over in our driveway and we're having a happy hour, and I'm bringing out snacks, and it was just like the most happy accident. And you know what? I feel like that's that's a really good point because a lot, I think knowing your neighbors has changed. Yeah. Because I've talked to some people that don't even know their neighbors and they've lived in houses for years. Yeah. Because they're always busy. Like you're right. Like, I don't know if they have time really that they sit outside and just put the vibe out. You know, like, hey, I'm ready to socialize. Like for people like who do want to set build a sense of community. One of the biggest tips that I can give you is like sit in your front yard, not your backyard. Put yourself in your front driveway, be visibly present. If you're hiding in your backyard, no one's gonna come and talk to you. Totally. This makes me think of my grandpa. He did that constantly, grandpa Ed, or he'd ride his rascal around the neighborhood. So excited. And I love it. But everyone knew him. Yeah, there goes Ed. There goes Ed. I love it. Wrestling around. And that's where I grew up too, is that everybody like knew each other. And I love that like in this day and age and the community that I live in, like I've got like-minded, you know, neighbors who are open to that and who are very loving and warm and open, and they they practice the more, the more the more the merrier, you know. And they have been, I think, the true cultivators of that kind of essence and letting their kids literally want run crazy. And yeah, sometimes they get scratched and boozed and bumped, but that's like that. That's a part of like this under scheduling that like you can create then some really happy kind of like just what you needed moments. Totally. And I think you need both. The best part of this conversation is you gotta do what's best for you. You do, and you gotta figure out when things are just going a little crazy and you need to take a beat. Pull back, pull back, reassess. Like, I love that you know, you started off with your husband being like, Hey, this weekend we do have something going on. It's nothing. And then it becomes a like, okay, so how do you create some energizing moments in the nothing? Exactly, you know, with your family, being together, and there's a lot of beauty there. So I agree. Yeah. So I hope that this gave people a way to think about not just being productive for productivity's sake, not just scheduling to schedule, but to be purposeful. I I don't know, I think that's what I'm taking out of it, and making sure it's aligned with our priorities and what we want to get out of life. Check, check, check. So let's uh I'll schedule that now. Yeah, go ahead, put that on the calendar. And one more thing to do. No, just gotta get it. Yeah, I know one more thing. Check it off. It feels so good when we check it off. I love it. And remember, everyone, after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles. Thanks so much for joining, tuning in, Skyping in, just kidding, nobody's doing that. But find us on the gram, follow us, give us some stuff to talk about. Let us know what you think about what works best for you in your scheduling universe. And don't forget to listen to us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. And thanks. Cheers, everybody. Bye.