Let’s Have Cake for Dinner with Keesha Scott

Today, we are having some Cake for Dinner on Bubbles & Breakdowns; we are thrilled to welcome Keesha Scott, Co-Founder of Guardian Recovery providing center based behavioral healthcare, certified parenting coach, author and host of the “Cake For Dinner” podcast where she has had guests like Hillaria Baldwin, and Hillary Musser. We are excited to discuss the art of the pivot with Keesha, especially as it relates to how she has personally turned trauma into motivation and ultimately helping others. 

• Keesha Scott: https://keeshascott.com/
• Cake for DInner Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@CakeForDinnerPod 
• Music By Matt McGrath: https://www.instagram.com/matthewmcgrathmusic 

https://www.instagram.com/bubbles_and_breakdowns

And remember, after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Hi, welcome to Bubbles and Breakdowns, a space designed for you to show up as your beautifully imperfect self, where we dive into the good, the bad, and the bubbly. I'm Ashley.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

And I'm Katrina. And today, I don't know about you, Ashley, but I'm hungry.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Should we have cake for dinner?

SPEAKER_00 0:28

This is my favorite kind of dinner.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

I mean, on bubbles and breakdowns, we're so, so excited to have the one and only Keisha Scott joining us today as our guest. Welcome, Keisha. Thank you so much for having me, guys. I'm excited. We are so excited. So, just a little background if those of you haven't been a follower of Keisha's yet, which I encourage that you do. She is the co-founder of Guardian Recovery, providing center-based behavioral health care. She's a certified parenting coach, which I don't know, Ash, like I could use all the certified parenting coach.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

All the tips.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

And she's also an author and host of the I I'm going to call it beloved podcast, Cake for Dinner. So she's had guests like Hillary, Hilaria Baldwin and Hillary Musser. And honestly, Keisha, just couldn't be more excited to have you with us and taking time out of your busy schedule. We're going to focus with you today about the art of the pivot, but especially as it relates to how you've personally turned some of your trauma into ultimately helping others, which I think is so, so beautiful. So let's start with the pivot. And let's just think about that whole phrasing we love, right? The art of the pivot. We've heard power of the pivot, but this is the art of the pivot. And I'd love to hear from you, Keisha, what has the art of the pivot meant to you in your life?

SPEAKER_02 1:45

Well, I mean, you know, I've recently dubbed it the art of the pivot. During those moments and times, it didn't feel like something that would ever be helpful to anybody. It really felt like digging myself out of a hole. Um, so I just want to make sure if you're listening and you're in a tough time, it doesn't, you know, when you're in that space, it doesn't feel like it's ever going to be anything uh great or beneficial. Um, but for me, I feel like my whole life's been a bit of a pivot. Um, I think part of it is because of who I am and sort of how I function in the world. I'm a little bit, you know, wild and all over the place, and I've never been a real conformer to rules and things like that. So that by itself sort of leads you into a life where you have to pivot, right? So I think that's part of it. Um, the other big thing is that I got sober at 27, and I I really identify that as probably my biggest, most beneficial pivot.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

I love this whole life of sobriety. And it's a topic we've actually talked on the podcast about quite a bit, and something that I have been managing and changing my relationship with alcohol, and I know Ashley, you too. So nowadays it's like this whole wildfire of everybody is becoming sober and sober curious and sober mom life, and it used to be like drunk mom life, which I'm like, ooh, I don't want to be the drunk mom. I know that. But you've been sitting in this space for quite some time, and you did it when I would say it wasn't arguably cool to do, and so what did culturally normative, right? People weren't ready for it, like they are, I think, ready for it now. So, like, if you back up and you I love that you kind of said like rebellion is in your DNA, is what I heard. Like, what did that look like when you were choosing the path that wasn't necessarily the path others were on or even supportive of? Right. Like, how did you sit in that space at that time?

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Yeah, not only was it not like popular, but it was very unpopular, really. And it, it um, you know, I would say was looked down upon in some ways. You know, at the time I was 27, I was a pharmaceutical rep. Um, and it it just wasn't something that I saw happening around me. My mom, however, sent me a New York Times article about Ben Affleck, who had just gotten sober, and she was so excited to report because I was like in love with him at the time. Um, but that was like a big deal for me. Like, holy shit, like this guy's doing it, you know, he has all the things in the world, um, all the resources and options. Um, but yeah, it didn't feel great. Um, but I think, you know, if you really get honest with yourself, sometimes uh things that are super beneficial don't feel great. I mean, the fucking gym doesn't feel great. Never. Never.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

I know my legs are sore right now as I sit here. I'm like, I ran the eight miles on my training plan, but I feel like a broken old lady. And like, where's the where's the glucosamine? But we do the hard things, and we've talked about that too, Ashley. Doing the hard things.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

Totally. So doing hard things, I'd love to kind of get into that transition. And what do you think the hardest part of kind of shedding your old identity was? Did you feel like an imposter, or what was that challenge like?

SPEAKER_02 5:09

Yeah, you know what? I have felt like an imposter my entire life, truly. I've grow I grew up in a family that's like pretty great. Everybody's like attractive and nice and fit and educated, and and I've just always felt like the loser, kind of, you know, and in in each element too, I felt like an imposter when I got sober as a pharmaceutical rep. Like if only these people knew. I felt like as an imposter as a mom, especially I was a single mom, a sober mom, like what a fucking weirdo in Carline. You know, like I just never felt like I totally fit. Um, I will tell you that my 50s, I'm only one and a half years in, but has been the joy of my life, truly. It's like I feel like I'm finally like in my skin. And I I wish I would have spent much more time being proud of the choices that I have had made rather than like feeling sort of out of place. But to answer your specific question, I've always kind of felt that way.

SPEAKER_00 6:08

And what how what do you think it is about 50 that made you feel grounded, that made you feel like this is Keisha and this is who I am and this is awesome?

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Well, a few things, um, you know, getting sober, I started to connect with women um like myself that had made, you know, a slew of bad choices or who've had um obstacles and things to overcome. And the more open I was about myself, the more I noticed people connected with me. Um, so rather than like being the pharmaceutical rep who like try, well, first of all, I've never been good at keeping it buttoned up anyway. So I don't think I was even doing a good job, but like I was trying. Um, I remember one time I was in Target, I don't know, I was sober maybe like six months or something, and I saw a woman from Alcoholics Anonymous, and um, I will obviously keep her name anonymous, but she said to me, Oh my gosh, I love it when you share. And at first I was like, okay, you know, but she was like, you know, when you talk about what a mess you are and how messy your car is, I feel so like seen. And I was like a little like ew, like that's not at all the wisdom I was trying to impart on the group. You know what I mean? Right. But over time I started to realize, like, oh, me just being me, like legitimately me, is bringing in more connection than all this like facade of me or like trying to be something I'm not. And that's really when I started to realize, oh, I could just be me.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

I love that you talked about how you had this maybe perception in your family. And I often like have talked about with a lot of my close people. I I got blessed with being this like round faced blonde girl, which you know you were too or are. And it got me maybe things, right? It's a privilege, like we look nice. We look people think we're like these pristine little people. At least I felt this way. And I was like, I was not that. I was also a very rebellious, you know, teen. I would had about promiscuity, I had a lot of like rough edges. And I feel like, however, society kind of reflected back myself and like it, you almost felt like you had to be that thing that they thought you were, and what an amazing place to finally go, oh, actually, those unpolished parts are the parts people like about me. And I'm getting there, I'm only 42, so looking forward to 50, Keisha. But I just think there's so much in this because I think we often rise to what society thinks we should be. And and so when you think about another pivot in your life, so you're a pharma rep, right? Like you're out there, you're doing the thing. And yeah, I can imagine like being sober is difficult because that culture, I've actually lived in it too. And a lot of people just like belly up to the bar at night, and like that's where they forge friendships and like they deal with their their travel and they take it out in a drink. Um, but like when did you start shedding that? Or when did you have a pivot when within your career? What did that look like?

SPEAKER_02 9:21

Uh, not for a while. So I got sober, that was my job. I was a single mom, you know. I got pregnant with twins, and my husband left me, and I, you know, I I had to have a job, and that's the job that I was, you know, comfortable in and that I understood and knew. Um, so there weren't a lot of options for me in the beginning. I was never great at the job. I'm I'm great. I've learned that I'm great with people, just talking and being myself, right? Like that's where I'm comfortable. I love people. I love like understanding how people tick. Um, I'm not great at following up. I'm not like crazy organized, you know. So like I would go in and the doctor might enjoy my company, but like I wouldn't ask for the business. So, like, you know, that that sort of was never of interest to me. And I'm also not, I've learned in my age or my time on earth that I'm not a built-in, I don't have that built-in thing, do it because you're supposed to. Like, I have to enjoy something, you know. I would have been a terrible factory worker. Um, so you know, it it really evolved over time.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

Yeah, and then you eventually pursued your degree in psychology. So like that's also a huge time commitment. So I'm already hearing like single mom, you have twins, you're expecting twins, you're now dealing with this divorce, and you know, then eventually I know you remarried, you had another child with that person, and but but then when did you say, okay, I have the time or the strength or the energy to go back to school? Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

And even kind of stay in this field, right? Like kind of staying in that in your messy, if you will, right? And being connected to that, I think is really powerful because you're not running, right? You're kind of facing and helping. And that's love to hear on that.

SPEAKER_02 11:11

Yeah, like I've never had like some big grandiose plan. You know, I've kind of just like do what's in front of me. And, you know, I um met my current husband. He and I founded Guardian Recovery in 2008. And so I started helping him really in this like helping space. At that time, I'm sober. I'm helping women in AA. So I'm doing all these things and I'm enjoying them, and then I'm going to work doing something that like I don't hate it because I talk to people all day, but I'm not passionate about selling medication. I'm just not right. So he said, why don't you just quit the job and get your master's? That's what you want to do. And mind you, we weren't even married at the time. I'd already had like a completely shit show of a first marriage, but I'm this is where I'm wild, you know. Like I'm like, kids are going wild. I'm like, fuck it. Okay. Um, so I did. And I worked, started kind of working at our facilities and helping more with that. I got my master's degree at night. Um, mind you, I had two little kids. He had just moved in. I mean, we were just making it work, and I didn't, I'm sure my parents were like, oh my goodness, you know, but I think they felt that many times in my life. Um, but it felt like the right thing to do, and I was super excited about it. So I actually got my master's degree while pregnant with my third child, got married during the process. Um, but it sounds so like heroic and laborious. I get it. Like, but nothing in my life really goes like that because I probably studied a little less than other people. I was like putting shit together, writing the paper last minute. Um, but you know, I was also like feeding myself all this good stuff. I'd never gotten good grades in my entire life. And I was like a good student, you know, like I I couldn't even believe it. I remember the first test they passed out. I'm like a grown 40-year-old woman pregnant. And I'm thinking, like, my first thought was like, oh my goodness, like, how am I gonna cheat? And and I like I realized, oh my gosh, I'm a grown woman. I actually studied. I don't, I don't need to, but I had never had an experience like that, like being prepared, like liking school. So, really for me, it was such a gift to be able to go back, to be with someone who said, you know what, this is gonna kill us financially, but let's just do it. Totally. And you're chasing your purpose, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Yes, like so much different when you're doing that. So much different.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

I love this because I feel so much of these things, and and I've gone back and forth, like, I don't really need to work, and why am I doing this still? And I even had this conversation last night. And so what I loved about your story, I was just whisper that to her.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

I was like, what am I doing? Oh, there's a mic here.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Yeah, exactly. So, but point being is like what you just said, that fuck it energy of being like, all right, this might be the chance. And the fact that you moved through the fear, and I think that's where your story is so inspiring to me personally, because you you did that leap. And yes, you had a supportive, significant other and not diminishing, it was an integral part of that story, but you are going for it and you continue to go for it, and also you're helping people not just within your certified parenting coach and your master's in psychology, but also as you're a podcaster, like and being generous with your time and your thoughts. And so I just want to say like that energy is so I don't know, just refreshing and inspiring. And that's part of why we wanted to have you here.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

I'm bringing fuck it energy to everything I do because it is it's true. And you know, and I think cool, how cool now, and I wonder, excuse me, reflecting on back what you've said around, you know, I hate to keep bringing up 50, but I feel like you're proud to be 50, and I'm proud to be 40, you know. But I almost wonder if now you're thriving in this because of these other channels that you can connect with other women and say, you know, it's not just through AA. It's not just through Guardian Recovery, right? It is tune into my IG livestream and this book that's amazing. You know, how cool that these are the times you get to these more channels.

SPEAKER_02 15:39

Yeah, you know, it's interesting is like I think I was born this way. Like I think this is who I am. But for so many years, you know, you're kind of trying to figure out yourself and and how you fit and where you should land. And um, most of what I'm exuding now that I'm getting so much feedback about is a personality type that I felt bad about for at least two decades, right? Like being a little unfiltered, being a little unorganized, shooting from the hip, you know. Um my brother called me recently, and he's he's a he's as buttoned up as one can be. You know, we are like polar opposites, and he's talking to me about when he retires and what he's gonna do, and you know, how he's already starting to plan for that, but like doesn't even like land with me. Like I can't even imagine it. I will figure that out the day before I retire, you know? And what I've come to realize, and I'm not recommending this like for anybody, but I'm just saying that I'm so excited to be me today. Like I realize now that this is the personality I got, and it's really a great one because I am not giving a shit, really. Most of the time, I worry a lot about my kids, probably way too much for my nervous system. Other than that, I don't really care. And it is refreshing. It's it's a really wonderful way to live. And I wish when I look at my younger self, I wish I could have realized that 20 years ago. But my goal now is to package it and to give it to other people.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

So thinking about giving it to other people. Right. Something that we talk about, and everyone, I feel like everyone's thinking about this at these ages, perhaps, Keisha, is the trauma handoff. You know, there's this whole belief of some people are like, it's genetic. You do inherit some of this generational, and I believe there's validity to that. I'm not a scientist, but I believe there's validity. But then there's also like the ways in which we operate. Like, for example, I keep too clean of a house, and what is that doing to my children and making them think that they have to clean all the time or they have stress related to dirty environments? Like, how do you take some of you know that in your mind? Okay, like you said, it's unhealthy for your nervous system, you're worrying about your kids a lot. But what have you done, knowing all the things that you know, to kind of stop that trauma handoff in the way that you live?

SPEAKER_02 17:55

Well, I mean, you know, I think as moms, we should always be trying to level up, you know. Um, when I get anxiety or like I get, you know, triggered, like triggered's like such a negative word. I heard recently um I interviewed a woman, Jessica Baum, and wrote anxiously attached. And she she, I can't remember the word she used, but she basically positioned it more as an alert, like a hey, I like that way better too.

SPEAKER_01 18:23

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

And it's so it's it's not a negative thing, it's just like your body or whatever letting you know, like, hey, this is an area where you could level up. So I do think as moms, we're all doing that. My thing is you have a very different personality, right? You have a clean house and you're wearing how that, I've the opposite, right? I step over clothes in the bathroom and then like I see my kids doing that. So, but we're all passing, you know, we're all passing something down. But I think if we can say, hey, this is part of me, this is what I'm doing to work on it. If we can, if we can know ourselves and always be trying to level up, that's what we should be passing down, the desire to level up and less focus on where we see ourselves falling short, because who really gives a shit? Everybody has deficiencies, everybody's working on something. Totally. And it the other, the other thing is that your kids are going to come to you with a deficiency. I have three kids and they have three different deficiencies, but they also have a lot of really great shit. And as I've learned to embrace myself, which sad for them, it didn't happen when they were five, you know, I'm learning to embrace them. And rather than looking at those deficiencies, like I'm looking at all the good stuff that goes with that, you know? And like, hey, we all have stuff to work on, but kind of thank God, what uh what the hell else are we gonna do?

SPEAKER_00 19:48

Absolutely. I know and jinx I'm just like the trigger thing for some reason. You know how you just need to hear someone say it to be like duh. Like in like you said, it's like almost like my my inner iPhone is texting me, hey, who have an alert? Yeah, just chill out, right? Like pick up your kid from school. And I think one of the biggest things I noticed too, and just I'm reflecting so much on what you've said, is I think us two just identifying or noticing that we need to level up or there's things we need to work on means we're trying.

SPEAKER_02 20:22

Yes, and and and that's worth so much. But I I really like the, you know, and I kind of I don't actually wish there was another word for it, but like I love the whole fucking thing, right? Like when I was, I think I might have been like 22, I don't know. I lived in South Beach with this girl, and she was a model like everybody else on the planet. I was the only one there, by the way, with a with a job that had to get up in the morning, you know? And she long, very long story, but she had this boyfriend who she wanted to break up with, and they had shared this apartment, and I kind of took over his spot while he was away modeling. And he was coming home, and she was so worried and so anxious. So I took like, I don't know, a hundred post-it notes and I wrote fuck it and I put them all over the house. Okay. And so the whole week before, I was like, you know what? Every time you see it, just like just fuck it. Like, you know.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

Yeah, good reminder, totally.

SPEAKER_02 21:14

The funniest part was before he came, he was very um, very like uptight and very straight and didn't curse and all these things. So she was so nervous. So she took them all down before he came. And she forgot one behind the bathroom door. And when he got out of the shower, or whenever he was in the bathroom and he shut the door, he saw it. So that's just like a funny reminder for me that I've had this mentality since forever. It just wasn't popular in my life. Like people sort of saw me as like a rule breaker or whatever. But I think if we can all just embrace ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

Yeah, totally and just a better strategy. And I think that relates directly to cake for dinner, right? It is implies the sense of joy, and you're breaking those rules in a healthy way. Yes, yes. I'd love to hear your take on how do we find this joy or this fuck it mentality when we are in the thick of it? Like I could do the post-its, but it's like what I they're on a daily basis with us both with little ones and Katrina high pressure job. I'm a stay-at-home mom now, but I wasn't always like it's a lot. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

It is a lot. I think I just interviewed a woman um named Sarah Stremel Bentley, I think is her last name. Um, and she talks about joy mining. She calls it joy mining. She went through um cancer and feature fertilization, like just this like wild story. And she talks about finding joy, even in those times. Look, it's an action. It's it's a be it's a choice to try to do it, you know, and it's not always easy. But I think to be honest, that the way I've learned it is through hardship and like that sucks. Like, hopefully, no one's listening. They're like, ooh, but um, you know, I've been through some rowdy stuff. I mean, I was left six weeks pregnant with twins, you know. So, like, you have to pull yourself up and find a way out of that. And I think being able to find gratitude, it's the only way I've ever been able to get through get out.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

Yeah. So when you look at that phrase cake for dinner, the what comes to my mind as a mom is like a little bit of the fuck it, but it's also like, I don't want to cook. Here's some cake. Like, I you know what I mean? Like, sit down, eat your cake, be happy, and enjoy it. And enjoy the cake. Right? And so when I think about that, it's also like a little bit of the pivot where, hey, you know, yeah, some nights you're gonna make this perfectly balanced, nutritious meal for your children, but sometimes you just need to have cake for dinner. And like that's that I mean, and I don't know, like that's the vibe that I get as I, you know, follow this podcast and hear what you have to say. And um, I think there's a lot of beauty there, and it it really can show our children that you don't have to be the buttoned up perfect mom, but you do need to be regulated and know when to stop and like serve cake for dinner.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

Yeah, and then it and that, you know, perfection's boring. I tell my kids that all the time. It's boring. Like who who even wants to strive for that? I mean, the title really is a mix of things. My husband helped me really land on the title, but um, my whole life, my dad is a scientist, actually. Um, he's a professor, but he also likes to bake. Everyone in my family bakes. And anytime I've really battled life, he bakes me cakes. So when my husband left and I went and lived with my parents pregnant, he would um put my fat ankles up on, you know, this little stool and he would bake me cakes. And so, you know, it is a little bit of a nod to my dad. Um, but also, you know, in my toughest moment, I did pivot. And sometimes it was cake for dinner. And as a single mom, sometimes it is cake for dinner. But I think if we can all adopt that idea that it doesn't have to be just so.

SPEAKER_01 25:09

Yeah, it really is that anomaly of like, you don't have, no, why would you have cake for dinner? Like, how dare you have cake for dinner? It's like, oh yeah, we're gonna have cake for dinner. And I love on your website too, and we'll we'll post it in the show notes for the listeners that your dad's famous German chocolate chocolate cake, which I was like, I need to make that same. It sounds amazing.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

It was like I had to text my family on the group chat and be like, does anyone care if I give this recipe away? Totally, you know? Um, but I just really felt like I'm just sharing it all. I mean, my book's got some rowdy stories in it that like I feel like my kids are gonna be horrified by. But I felt like it's now or never, you know? I'm going all in.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

I love this. So I don't know. I think Ash, we could take it to we've got some rapid fire kind of questions that we think would be a great way to kind of tail in this conversation with you. So let's start with we're big on mantras, like huge. I mean, I think about when you're running or when you're doing anything hard, like like what do you say? But this one I want to know is like maybe it doesn't apply as much because you're unabashedly being you in your 50s, but when you had an urge to maybe slip back into old patterns or you were digging through like a really tough project and you were just not showing up the way that you want to show up. Is there something that you harness around? Is there a mantra, Keisha, that you rely on? Maybe it's fuck it.

unknown 26:28

Maybe.

SPEAKER_02 26:30

Yeah, I mean, I don't know that there's like um maybe I've had one since I was in high school. My my brother wrote this on every card he ever gave me, and stay true to yourself. And um, I really value that because at the end of the day, no matter what I'm struggling with, no matter what I'm battling, I am pretty confident that if I just stay true to myself, to my values, things are gonna shake out at the very least, however they're supposed to.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

I love that. And that speaks a lot to like owning your own identity and being able to be like very comfortable in your own skin. And that's that's awesome. I like your brother. He sounds like a cool guy. Will he send me a card? I probably could get him to.

SPEAKER_02 27:14

I have I was obviously, as I mentioned, a little troubled as as in the youth era, and he would write me these cards and he would always tell me, you know, uh, no matter what other people do, you know, people can lie, cheat, and steal, and lay their head on the pillow and go straight to sleep. It's not their problem for them. But if that's not who you are, you're gonna struggle. And it was almost like it was great information and advice, but it also totally fucked me up when I was trying to do bad things. You know what I mean? Because I'd be like, oh, like that like stuck with me big time.

SPEAKER_01 27:45

I love it. So you mentioned leveling up. So when you think about what's your next level, like I feel you've you've had so many wonderful levels just in this conversation you've shared with everyone, but what's the next level for you? Like, where are you setting your sights on?

SPEAKER_02 27:59

Um, I mean, if we're talking about like dreams and goals, I mean, I hope to be on the a New York Times bestseller. That's my big goal. Um, you know, and um, you know, my ultimate goal is that I can give younger women the freedom and the permission to just breathe easy and not spend 20 years feeling inadequate in this space as a mom.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

Yeah, that's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

Well, we already I already feel it from this conversation. So if that's saying anything, um right, I'm gonna pivot to parenting a little bit. Because this is something that I am in the thick of, a five and a two-year-old. And I would love to know what's one piece of advice you can offer for people in these early years that we might need for future years ahead to kind of And Keisha, don't tell us it gets worse.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

I mean, come up.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

I know it does, but just don't tell us. Well, you know, one trick is to you know, we're at the end of the day, we're just like the bumpers on the bowling alley. You know, it's like when your kids are little, you're doing so much physical stuff that you get this idea that somehow you're gonna, you're gonna like, you're gonna really guide this ship, like as the driver. And it's not really how it turns out. So I wish when I had a five and a two-year-old, which I I never did, two five-year-olds, but I wish I would have been able to really truly get down with whoever they are, right? And because we're so busy fitting into this like world as moms, our children, and looking back, I was always hustling and trying to like help them or get them here or do this or do that, rather than spending more time identifying what are their attributes, where do they excel? You know, um, I'll tell you this quick thing. My 12-year-old, you know, he he's wild. And um, can you imagine? Um, and we were recently on Fridays, we feed the homeless, and this woman came up to me and she's like, you know, I'm a retired teacher, and I just want to tell you, he is so great. And I'm like, well, you know, he's not great in every environment. And she said, Who gives who gives this shit? He's great in this environment, and that's so good to know. And I was like, dang, like genius. And that in my great on my great days, I'm rooted in that. I am rooted in seeing where they thrive and sort of steering the ship that way. On my bad days, I worry about where they're deficient.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

Yeah, that is so well put. And I think too, getting out in different environments, perspective is everything. Hearing it from somebody else, just like I said, like even the triggered word, right? You're like, oh, I feel better not even hearing triggered, right? It's like because that makes my nervous system worse to hear that word, right? Yes, everyone's yeah, but that's so I love that, and I'm definitely gonna heed that advice going forward. Um, okay, so our most important question of the day.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

Oh, geez.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

We need to know.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

Need to know this.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

What is your favorite combination flavor of cake out there?

SPEAKER_02 31:09

I mean, my favorite cake is my dad's German chocolate cake. I knew I knew it too. I had to bet on it. And when he makes it, he makes extra icing on the side. It is delightful. And it literally, I mean, I I don't drink, so I don't get to escape with a glass of wine. So, you know, I asked my friend once, how much sugar do you have to eat to like forget your fucking problems? You know what I mean? Like, it's like, you know, German chocolate cake is is is close. So it's a layout.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

Before this uh recording today, I was just like, I don't know why, but I just like want a bite of cake. And I think it's like this subliminal messaging or whatever. But I had those little like muffins, like those chocolate fudge ones, and I was like, I don't eat enough cake, Keisha. Like, I need to eat more cake.

SPEAKER_00 31:52

I mean, and now we're gonna make this recipe because especially I my husband's German, they're gonna flip. We have this thing every every October, we have an October fast party. So I think we have to make the cake.

SPEAKER_01 32:03

I love it.

SPEAKER_00 32:04

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_01 32:05

Yeah. I would like to ask just one more final question before we close, Keisha. And I love that you were kind of talking to your past self, but I also want to know what you would be saying to maybe people like us or people who are just on the verge of becoming who they are as a mother or a career woman or that, you know, finding themselves. Is there some advice you could give us?

SPEAKER_02 32:28

Yeah, just be in it. You know, life is life is rich. And I think uh Glendon Doyle calls it brutal. It's brutal and it's beautiful all at the same time, you know, and much like a lot of things, you can't have one without the other, you know. So if you're gonna dull the pain, you dull the beauty. So I try so hard just to be in it. And one of my girlfriends always says, in this moment, and finish the sentence. Like if you're having a shitty day, in this moment, the day's shitty, but that doesn't mean a whole lot. But also in this moment, I'm enjoying this podcast, your perspective, this moment, and that's beautiful. So I try to just stay rooted in the moment.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

That is such fantastic advice. I feel like it's so overwhelming to look past the current moments. And like it's it's also what Ashley, you gave me a gift for my 40th birthday, and it said stop and smell the roses on the bracelet. And it's so true. Like, we need to do more of that. Well, Keisha, this has been an absolute joy for us. We did some joy digging to this morning and we found it. Joy mining. Joy mining, sorry, thank you. Um, but I just want to also say to our listeners, thank you for tuning in. And I hope that this has resonated, that you found something in here that maybe motivates you to level up, that that allows you to pivot when you need to pivot, gives you permission to serve cake for dinner, like invitation. You don't need to be perfect. There's no such thing as perfect, and frankly, it is boring, Keisha. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

Yeah, and permission to say fuck it. Fuck it. Yeah, it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 33:54

So let's bring that energy into this week. What are you gonna say fuck it to? Don't like, you know, like let's let's keep it classy, people, but let's bring some fucking energy. So, and remember everyone that after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles.

SPEAKER_00 34:07

Well, Keisha, thank you so much. And please check out Cake for Dinner. We've got the podcast, we've got the Instagram, we've got the soon-to-be book coming out, which we know we cannot wait to dig our hands into and minds into and our forks and everything that we can dig with. Um, if you're loving bubbles and breakdowns, please listen to us to wherever you get podcasts, Apple, Spotify. Check us out on Instagram, leave us this love note, and Keisha, we can't wait for more cake for dinner.

unknown 34:35

Cheers.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

Thanks, ladies. Thank you.