The Risk of Playing it Safe

What if the greatest risk you’re currently taking is actually the risk of staying exactly where you are? We’re diving into the delicate tension between the "Power of Enough" and the radical audacity required to live a life that feels as big as your dreams. How can we start tugging on the anchors that keep us playing it safe, reframe failure as essential for a life that feels full. Join us as we explore how we want to stop building a resume and start designing a legacy; proving that one beautiful life isn't found in the absence of fear, but in the courage to move through it.

Music by: Matt McGrath https://www.instagram.com/matthewmcgrathmusic 

https://www.instagram.com/bubbles_and_breakdowns

And remember, after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:13

Welcome to Bubbles and Breakdowns, a space designed for you to show up as your beautifully imperfect self, where we dive into the good, the bad, and the bubbly.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

I'm Katrina. And I'm Ashley. What if the greatest risk you're currently taking is actually the risk of staying exactly where you are? We're diving into the delicate tension between the power of enough and that radical audacity required to live a life that feels as big as your dreams. How can we start tugging on the anchors that keep us playing it safe? Reframe failure as essential for a life that feels full. Join us as we explore how we want to stop building a resume and start designing our own legacy, proving that one beautiful life isn't found in the absence of fear, but in the courage to move through it.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Ooh, I think this is like life's call to action.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

And I literally think this hits in your 30s and 40s.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Yeah, you're reevaluating. You are. Unless like you're still trying to build. And if you've built it, if you've built a life in your 20s and 30s, this is the time where you're like, okay, I'm here. What's next? What's next? What's next?

SPEAKER_00 1:27

What I thought I wanted has changed. Or what I thought I wanted doesn't fulfill me the same way.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Yes, exactly. That these things that we used to pursue as a way of feeling accomplished no longer have that same luster and shine. And now maybe more importance. And so for me, I I reflect on this all the time. It's like the things that make us feel comfort and safety are sometimes the things that are holding us back from feeling joy and fulfillment. And that really has been deep in my bones for the last year and a half, Ashley. As you know, I've been really having a lot of self-reflection and looking at what is going to give me and offer me the most fulfilling life experience. You know, is it the shiny new car? No. Is it the title? No. Is it the extra money? No. And these are all very privileged things I'm saying no to. But like, I do think that everyone has a different goal. You know, everyone can say, how do I want this one beautiful life to look? And then you kind of frame your risks. But what I think is so interesting about talking about risk in general is that each of us, I think, are hardwired to handle certain levels of risk. Totally, or avoid it. Yes. Avoidance, you know, high risk, palatability, low risk, and then no risk, right? Right. So I think about my husband. I'm going to call him out. And he's one of the least, he has historically been one of the least risky people. I'll I'll give an illustration example. We moved up to the Twin Cities for, we lived there for three years. And on our house hunt, I had picked all of these super cool, creative, hip, trendy, lofty apartments over in this place called Uptown, which is where if you're in your 20s, you were in Uptown. It was like the place to be shopping, hangout, nightlife, da-da-da-da. And he picked like the down home and the suburb and like the safe places that were quote unquote good investments. And I really wanted to go see those loft apartments and um warehousey kind of vibes and brick and you know, you get the vibe. I've always been an artist at heart. And um, we ended up that day, he had a major like ear infection, and so he was like in seething pain. And essentially we canceled those appointments and we ended up getting this like super, like you want to talk about the vanilla wafer of a home. That's what we got. We got a middle unit town home. Yes, brand new, brand new. It was nice and you know, but it lacked character, it didn't have anything unique about it. And we still look back and we go, why did we do that to ourselves? Because our realtor was under a time constraint, Matt was not feeling well, and he has low risk tolerance. And we look back and we regret that. Okay, we don't regret a lot of things, but that's one thing that stood out. And so when I look back, if I were to live that time period of my life, it would have shaped completely differently. And so I think that not taking appropriate risks and listening to your intuition robs you of the memories that you could have had. And that is my example that I wanted to share.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Yeah. And I like that example too, because we're not necessarily, well, maybe I was gonna say talking about risks that will break you. No, yeah. Because we don't, we're, you know, obviously, but I think it's something of just like these risks can change the trajectory of your life.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

Yes, they can change even maybe not even the trajectory, but just that time period of how fulfilled or enjoyable it is. Totally. And we were driving 20 minutes almost every weekend to go and vibe in that area and to be in the mix and walk around Lake Calhoun and Lake of the Isles. Shout out to all my Minneapolis people, you know where they're at. Um, and we would try and be there all the time, but it was 20 minutes away. And so we we often reflect and look back on that time period of like, gosh, could you imagine if we could just walked out our door? Like, what was wrong with us, you know? So I think sometimes it is about enhancement and not just the trajectory. Totally. Um, so yeah, I don't know. I I think there is this whole theme of comfort versus safety. Absolutely. And I had a boss that one time and many times would say this um, comfort is a warm and safe place, but nothing grows there. And I do think there's something about taking risks. And when you say taking risk, ultimately what a risk means is you could either fail or you sit could succeed. Okay. That's how people I think we envision a risk. It's like you either make a ton of money in the stock market or you lose. And there's also a lot of in-between. And what I think is like, why is failure considered true failure? Because I believe failure allows for the biggest learning opportunities of our lives.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

And I think even the examples you gave, I think we view risk and failure a lot of times monetarily. Yes. We are not thinking, I'm gonna risk my happiness by staying in this job. Why not level up and take two years at home with my kids? Yes. Which snaps to you, you've done. But in the inverse, your happiness could also go down if that's not for you. Absolutely. But I think a lot of the times a lot of risks we're weighing. We don't think our happiness counts as something that should be attained. When in fact, that's the greatest risk of all.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

And I love that. Beautifully, beautifully put. What came up as I was reflecting is that why do we take the word risk synonymous with failure? And that needs, I think, really reprogramming in a lot of people's minds. I think if you're out there listening and you're risky, you're like, oh man, I live by the seat of my pants and I'm living out of my car and I'm like building a tiny house in the middle of the floor, like kudos. I'm, hey, and thanks for listening. Totally. First of all. Totally. But many of us are not, you know? And I think there's also this, not only I think is it sometimes synonymous with failure, because sure things feel good. That feels like success, like this is a sure thing. But I would say, how many risks have we taken that really are risks that we didn't even know they were risks at the time? Like recording with a toddler in the background.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

He's loving life.

SPEAKER_01 7:59

Yeah, he's the best. Anyway, so point being though, is like if you look back, you probably did take risks financially and/or career or whatever. And at the time you didn't even think they were risks. You you somehow talked yourselves into them. But what I love is your call to action of saying, by not making the move, what are you robbing yourself of?

SPEAKER_00 8:22

Exactly. And I think a good way to think about this. I remember someone told me this, and it has always stuck with me is don't think of like what I regret doing this. You should really think what I regret not doing this because I think it just gives you that total inverse and triggers way different feelings to help you come up with a decision and get uncomfortable. I know you were talking about like you had a boss that said, like, you know, you don't grow if you're comfortable, right? We had back in the back in the day, same kind of a thing. There was like a theme for the year, and it was get comfortable being uncomfortable because that is where the needle moves. Yes. You know, like that's where things trigger. That's where ideas are made, and no one's gonna progress.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Absolutely. Doing the same thing. And if you think about it, like I'll use another completely separate um scenario of growth, which is you know, running. I started running after having my son, and I was like 13-minute miles, like as slow as molasses, but I kept chipping away and I kept showing up and it wasn't easy and it the treadmill running was hard. And but then over time my muscles got used to it. Same thing. The more uncomfort we feel, the more comfort we feel in feeling uncomfortable. Totally, because your brain's a muscle, and it's building confidence. So people say you don't build confidence by maximizing your strengths because they're actually very easy to you. You build confidence in doing things that you don't know how to do over and over and over, and that's how we build confidence. So, like the invitation to build confidence is also exciting because I think confidence helps us curate these lives that allow us to move through with this kind of like beautiful energy of saying, like, I don't know, but I'm gonna figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

And also sometimes you don't care in a good way, right? Like, I think that confidence allows you, like, I seriously think now that I'm 40, there's something about I make decisions faster and easier and don't doubt them as much because I know who I am.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

But it's built on your values, and I think that's a really big theme is having calculated risks versus reckless risks. Right. And we look at this through a lens of our personal values rather than just like a financial or professional gain. And I think there's great examples in the corporate world where you're asked to do something that is in um dis is not aligned to your values, it actually creates tension within our bodies, our minds, our feelings, how we feel doing the work. And that is robbing you of day-to-day joy. So even though you may be making a better paycheck, if you're sacrificing your morals, integrity, authenticity, then now we've got this dissonance that's creating this huge gap of um feeling fulfilled, right? And I think the beauty and having our values check what we're doing, that is the key to identifying which risks are worth taking. Totally. And they all aren't. No, and and I love, and it's not that I like this person. So I don't even know this person, but Jeff Bezos had a quote and it stuck with me. How do you know this person? I mean, I like I don't like talking about figures and people, but like this guy came on and said, Um, how do you identify a successful life? And it's experiences minus regrets. And if it's in the net positive of experiences, you've done a good job. And so that really sits with me. And that that also rings with what you were saying was like, will I regret not doing this? Because if we look at it as a balance sheet and say, for everything we regret not doing, it's coming off of my experiences, it's a bigger call to action.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

And I think too, a lot of things, you know, my back to my memes. Um, that no, but like a lot of things you hear about like when people are older, what are those regrets? Spending time with family more, right? Going on more trips. And again, this has nothing to do with money. So, right, right, right now, when we're talking about these risks of like, oh, can I afford to do this? Like, obviously, we don't want people to be reckless, and I can't be reckless. These risks don't just come down to like moving on to the next career or staying home. And like, I know that's kind of a lot of things I've been referencing just because that's my personal experience and kind of what kind of anchored me and the biggest risk I've made to date. But there's so much more behind life than that, and we have all been um almost brainwashed or powered through to think that is the most important thing. I love it. And that's we're hardwired that way, right? And that's it's it's hard.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

It's hard to get through that. But if you're a really risk-adverse person, the coolest thing is that you can build a risk tolerance and a risk muscle. And so, ways that you can do that is by taking little incremental risks that jostle up your day-to-day. And then you start to build this courage muscle and you can do harder things. To your point, I love what you said. Like over the course of my 40 plus years now, I have had all these experiences. So I have confidence in my decision making. But if you're out there and you're like that wavering from one decision to the other or talking yourself, which by the way is me a lot of times, um, I talk myself out of things, I talk myself into things, but mostly out of things. They like they say, the more that you do this, it's all it's kind of like neuroplasticity, which is a hot topic right now. Everyone's like, you can rewire how you experience living in your life by retraining your brain. Same thing with risk. If you are risk adverse, you need to take more risks. If you are reckless and taking too many risks, you need to dial it back and calibrate. But I love this idea, Ash, is like you can increase your risk tolerance by taking on small incremental rests. Totally.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

And I think too, once you start to trust yourself more, right? That you're not gonna mess it up. Or if like you feel like you made the wrong choice, that's not necessarily a failure. You can get back on track. Like, this was my biggest thing of like I think looking for jobs is probably the hardest thing ever, especially in this current place where there's layoffs all the time. And like that was one of my biggest fears. And now it's like, I can find a job. Yeah, it might take me longer, might not be what I want right away, right? But I can I would be able to find a job. So just knowing that, but knowing the effort behind that, I think sometimes too, we get shied away by the amount of effort that's gonna be involved.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

Yeah, and I think there has to be the true desire. And with anything, if you're lacking a concrete understanding of what you want to pursue, or it's not for you, or you don't want to do it, like you are not gonna show up and do the work. You know, it's so funny. I I think back at what you said of like, if I don't do the thing, then will I regret it? That that resonates with me so much, not just in the fact that, like, oh, I didn't write the book or oh, I didn't do the thing. More so I stayed in the job too long and I got angry all the time with my husband. I stayed in the job too long and I kept having to leave my family and I didn't like it. And it creates this inner turmoil and physical stress. And so I would look at it too is like what if you have to stay, you have to stay. You have to make money. I'm not I'm not here saying anybody who has financial responsibilities should take a leap, but I do think health, happiness, all of those relationships with your beautiful family, these are things that are like non-compromisable and that we owe it to ourselves to calibrate and like adjust, you know.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

And so is anything like a nod to what you mentioned earlier about like you spent your 20s and 30s building this. Don't you want to be around to make it make you happy? Right, and sort of drain you put your dreams, your hopes, your efforts, your love into where you are now, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Take the risk. Take the risk. And and I think about this too of like how can we broaden our children's experiences and there's different things that you can do, like living abroad, and it's risky to some extent, but at the end of the day, I think you know, we each are thinking of risk differently, and what so is the risk to you out there? I need to change jobs because this is a soul-sucking job and I can't do it anymore. I had my husband say to me years ago, if I'm here in five years, make me quit. If you have ever said things like that, or if you're still saying that, if I'm in this job next year, I'm I'm gonna be disappointed in myself. Guess what? It's one thing to say it, it's another thing to put action behind it. And the thing about action, like there's manifestation, but manifestation without action is nothing. It's just it's actually called daydreaming. So manifesting is actually thinking about it and then doing the things it takes to get there, right? So the risk right now could be I'm going to just, I don't know, go to a networking event, or I'm going to look at the job board once a week to see if anything's interesting, or I'm gonna reach out to an old colleague to see where they're at and see how they like it there. Doing little things that just continue to chip away and move you forward in a risk tolerance that's right for you can be life-changing because if you're not out there kind of stirring the pots and keeping things moving, nothing's gonna show up for us, right? Totally. So, so if you know that in six months you're gonna regret being exactly where you are, it's like, hey, dude, like what are you doing? And what are those appropriate thoughtful risks that you're taking along the way?

SPEAKER_00 18:20

Move your own needle or at least think about and you know what's gonna make you happy to get you there. Well, let's, I know we've talked about or referenced a lot of kind of like higher risks, but let's talk about let's bring a challenge. Okay. So this week, I like a challenge, take one small risk and prioritize your joy over your productivity. This could be watch a show instead of doing the laundry. Like again, low risk, what's gonna happen? Oh, the laundry is due tomorrow. Yeah. But like something that gives you something, a glimmer of joy. Yeah, I think that's a good idea. I think that's important. Even that is kind of a little like if we're talking about these risk adverse people, which I am, we gotta start small.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

I love the way as you were talking, just as people are thinking about what risk they can take, what popped into my head is watching the show. So I watch my like guilty pleasure show while I'm walking on the treadmill, but that's productivity. So actually, it's just watching the show. Maybe with a maybe with a little bowl of popcorn.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Totally.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

Which is totally different. Get your sweet treat. Get it on. Well, I think taking risks is something I'm still very much learning. I hope to become more um risk tolerable and risk-seeking. And I think the biggest thing for me, Ashley, is like I want to be as many different people as I can in the years I have ahead. And how can I edge towards those different people in meaningful ways so that I don't go back and go, I wish I did this, I wish I did that.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

I love it. Well, and also I think in all of this, like life can get messy. There's a messiness, curveballs all around to like figuring it out, to feeling confident, to knowing you made the right decision. But like there's also a beauty in embracing that to saying, I made the hard choice. Yeah. Or I made the choice that was right for me. Right. Or I thought about it, or I planned it. Like it's just certain things to get you going. If you feel stuck, if you want to take that risk. Like hopefully this episode just gave you or didn't, but no, but gave you kind of like some things that we think about as two women in our 40s who are dealing with a lot and just really trying to make sure that joy and happiness is paramount in our lives.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Yes, and that we're thinking about how to challenge our own limiting beliefs on a daily basis. So cheers, everybody. Thank you for joining us. And please remember, after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

If you're loving us, please find us on Apple and Spotify Podcasts or wherever you get your listen to your podcasts. Follow us on the gram, like us, DM us, do something, interact, and gang, engage with us. Um yeah, get risky. Get risky. Cheers, everybody.