Going it Alone & Betting on Yourself

What happens when your cheering section goes silent, but your internal ambition is still screaming? In this episode, we discuss the gritty reality of self-sustained momentum; how we have had to cultivate a champion mindset when you’re the only person left in the room who believes in the vision. We explore the shift from seeking external validation to building an unshakeable internal compass. Being your own support system isn't a "consolation prize" for being alone; it’s a superpower. When you learn to back yourself, you become unshakable, regardless of who is (or isn't) in the room. Whether you’re an entrepreneur facing skepticism or a creative carving a path through the unknown; this conversation is all about trusting your own instincts, refining your "why," and doubling down on the most important investment you’ll ever make: yourself.

Music by: Matt McGrath https://www.instagram.com/matthewmcgrathmusic 

https://www.instagram.com/bubbles_and_breakdowns

And remember, after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles!

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Welcome to Bubbles and Breakdowns, a space designed for you to show up as your beautifully imperfect self, where we dive into that good, that bad, and that oh so bubbly.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

I'm Ashley and I'm Katrina. Ashley, what happens when our cheering section goes silent?

SPEAKER_02 0:30

No.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

But our internal ambition is still screaming. Go, go, go, go. Well, hey, in this episode, guys, we're gonna discuss the gritty reality of self-sustained momentum. How we've had to cultivate a champion mindset when maybe we're the only people left in the room who believe in a vision. We're gonna explore the shift from seeking that external validation to building an unshakable internal compass. Being your own support system isn't a consolation prize for being alone, but rather it's a superpower. So when you learn to back yourself, you become unshakable, regardless of who is or isn't in the room. Whether you're an entrepreneur maybe facing skepticism or a creative carving a path through the unknown, we're hoping this conversation will help you see how you can trust your own instincts and refine your why, helping us all double down on what's most important in the investment in yourself. Oh, we've talked about hype squad.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

I love a hype squad.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

I love a cheering section.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

Let's just give shout out to all those hype squatters.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

But when maybe not squatters, not TT. Yeah. No, but maybe when you know they don't see your vision or or you don't have those like people really cheering you on, or maybe even fostering the connections or helping guide the path. It's about that internal desire and grit that give us a sense of purpose and propel us forward. And so I don't know, as I was thinking about things maybe where this has shown up for us, you every day wake up, Ashley.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

And some days I didn't wake up today. I think coffee is like, I need an IV, but no, I yes, I wake up every day smiling.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

Yeah, see, but smiling, okay. And so when you think about you're soloing it, you're you're the the holding it down on the home front. Yep. And you have these two beautiful young kids that desire a lot from you. And when you wake up every day, it's like your feet hit the floor and you have to go. And the only person sometimes is you, yeah, and you're propelling yourself forward through the day. Totally. So tell me what goes through your mind, like when you're having maybe an off day, or you're like, I can't do this again, or I these kids need to chill out or fill in the blank.

SPEAKER_02 2:52

So I make one of those chain links out of construction paper and I count down the hours. No, I'm just kidding. But no, it is it is one of those things, and I think this is true with anything in life, is just sometimes you have to grit and bear it and get through, but find the happy mixed in with the sad to try to get and go. But I think too, the other thing that I was thinking of, just when you're talking about this and bringing this up, is like when you get in this mode of doing, doing, doing by others' direction. So I'm kind of thinking about one of the jobs I used to have in the corporate world. I was in the same position for a long time. And it was very worker be, right? I made decisions, I did things, but I almost felt trapped in this yes mentality where it's like Ashley do this. Okay, right on top of it, Rose. Yeah, you got it, you got it. So, like just hearing you say all of this about bet on yourself, go at it alone. For the longest time, a lot of my personal passions kind of waned.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

Because I was afraid, I think I was in this trap of just like doing, doing, doing, doing, doing in my pleasing, pleasing. Yes. And I feel like my brain kind of got shut off to be like, what do I even care about? Yeah. How do I start voicing my needs and my and I know I'm this is like totally like this is exactly what it's about. But you know what I mean? It's like trying to get back to even acknowledging that that's really important is kind of leads me to where I am now, where I feel like I'm in a different role, aka a stay-at-home mom. But like my personal passions are also to the wayside. Not because I don't care about them, but I think it's because I just like am so wrapped up in like if I have an hour, I'm just gonna watch a show.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:45

And disconnect, you know what I mean? So, like hearing all of this about like I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

I just I'm I'm eager to hear your take and what you're doing because I think I need to get there. Well, no, I think you are there, and it's so interesting. So when we talk about having intrinsic motivation, what you just described, I'll try and break down to maybe like the way I see what you said. My scholar. It's a value-based decision. Yes. So at this stage in your life, your values and priorities are on these two beautiful children that you are responsible to and for. And because you've fully accepted that role and you're leaning into it every single day, you are not in a place of this um extreme ambition outside of your home. But you have a very strong dedication to maintaining your values in line with what's needed of you here, right? And so when I look at this, and if you were in this place of just yesing through life, you need me here? Yep, I'll show up and do the thing. Or you want me there, I gotcha. Um, you need that by Friday, I'm on it. And you're just reacting and kind of going with the desires of others, but you're feeling like you're trapped. Like the word trapped really resonated because that is a key to us to say, what are my values? Am I living in alignment with my purpose, my values, and my interests? And if we go too long in disalignment, this intrinsic motivation, this going it alone really waxes and wanes to your point. Like you didn't even your brain turned off. Off. Yes. And so still a little off. Right. And so this is the beauty of when you have this like confidence and you have built this real firm understanding who you are, what you want, what you don't want, and then you go after it despite not having people telling you it's the right thing. And this is something where I you hear about all the time. Oh, well, why did you stay in that job for 15 years? Well, it's easy and it's what I knew. Right? Totally. And you get into these traps of of lacking confidence to make hard decisions, and it's risk adverse. It plays into everything we've been talking about. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 7:02

Like you do not want to risk anything. Right. It's almost like our safety net, right? Like we want to protect ourselves, we want to protect our income, we want to protect what we know.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

Right.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

But how do you grow?

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Right. But thinking about that too, like you've grown into motherhood in a way that I haven't grown into motherhood. So if I were to assess like you did, of oh, should I be the stay-at-home mom? I don't think I would have said yes to that. And I'd love to think about maybe if you could backtrack, I don't know what it's been like, a year and a some months now. Uh-huh. October will be two years, which is wild. Wild. Wild. So, but as you were looking in yourself to say, can I do this? Should I do this? Like, do you remember what that felt like? And and and I'm sure you had support of Brad, and I'm sure you had support of friends and things like that, but you had to rely on your internal compass to know it was the right choice. So, like, what did that sound like?

SPEAKER_02 7:56

I mean, I literally was just talking to someone about this. I finally feel confident, and it's been a year and a half in my decision. That's how long it takes. It does. Well, especially when you're in such a different mode of like, okay, before I was feeling feeling guilty about not spending time with my kids. Now I feel guilty that I'm don't bring home any income. You it it's just guilt kind of transfers. Yeah, you can't feel bad about anything you're doing. Absolutely. But you know, I think it takes time. And it's funny because how you're saying, like, your ambition for other things changes, right? It's kind of like it's still there, but it's not to the forefront. My new ambition and my new goal is to find the best snacks. Oh, you're good at that. But like, what? If you had told me 10 years ago that I'm hunting through Walmart, Whole Foods, Target, Trader Joe's, like to find the best snacks, I would have been like get out of here.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

Oh my gosh, food is so critical for these young teams. Totally.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

But you know, it's kind of those things where the it's like, but no, I won't I'll be the mom with the best snacks.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Yeah. And I'll be excelling. But I remember you even telling me this before you changed homes, which also I would say arguably was a very internal compass, motivated action that took a lot of bravery. That's exactly what we're talking about. Right. You have to be brave, you have to take the risks in pursuit of what you value. Right. And so you said to me before you got this home, like, I want to be the house where all the kids come over and I've got the snacks. And so you are snack lady. You are the but and now you have the home, and like as your children grow and they have more play dates and things, like you have cultivated space and you have a purpose behind what you're doing, and it's very meaningful to you, right? And it's not to say that in a few years you your ambitions could change, right? But it's about not, you know, having intention based on our values and like going out and getting it. And I reflect on this with um my career, where there's certain times where I've woke up and I'm like, wow, I can't believe I'm still in the same division doing the same work, arguably with some of the same people. And then I have to really confront myself of saying, Am I risk adverse? Am I am I afraid to grow? And I will say, you know, I'm seeking growth as we currently sit here and I'm excited for that what that growth could be. But it is such an interesting point because no one is coming to save me. No one and no one's coming to save you. I think I brought this up in the past.

SPEAKER_02 10:35

I have a very complicated relationship with my father, but one of the biggest things he told me at like 16 years old, and I was like, whatever, dad, you don't know what you're talking about, is the only person that's gonna be there for you truly is yourself. Yeah, and you're thinking, oh, my best friends, or and not to say anyone ever wronged me, but like everyone has their own life. You know what I mean? And like it is a hundred percent true. So once you realize that, I think you gain some of your power back too. Yes, to get to you where do you need to be is for it to be important to you and for things, things to matter.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Yes. And I and I think I often reflect on this too, is like the person we talk to the most, Ashley, is actually ourselves. And it's so funny that your dad said that because everybody out there is thinking about themselves all the time and talking to themselves all the time. Totally. So they don't have time to be thinking about you. No, like so. I think how we talk to ourselves is a big part of this too. And do you have that champion mindset of waking up and I'll just play this out? You know, my feet hit the ground, and sometimes when my feet hit the ground, I feel awful. I've had major back pain for two weeks on and off now. I even somehow pumped myself through enough ibuprofen and ran a half marathon during it. I could yeah, yeah, snap. And I'm gonna tell you what the only reason I feel I could even run that half marathon with all the back pain was because of the way I was talking to myself. And during that race, you should see the photos. My mouth is a gape. I look like I'm in pain, but I'm literally mantraing the hell out of myself during that, saying, I feel great. I can't believe I'm out here doing it. You're doing it, you're gonna finish it. And that was my internal mantra instead of oh, this is painful, this hurts, I shouldn't be out here. Mind over matter. It is mind over matter. And I think what we think is what we believe about ourselves, and that is so important for how you parent. Like, oh, I'm a mom who loses my shit all the time. Right. Or I am a mom who's loving and do the best I can. Those are very different belief strategies. Totally. And I think that's a lot of this too, is saying, like, hey, I definitely don't actually always have somebody going, attaboy, you're doing great. Same, you know. And so we have to give that to ourselves. Right. Otherwise, I'm gonna be honest, like, I think I'd be depressed in a puddle of rose on the floor.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Totally. And I think part of this too, just thinking about it, like whether you're a stay-at-home mom or you are in the corporate world or you're working a different job, I think it is so important to vary up your routine. Yes, because it's fresh. I think your brain almost atrophies from doing the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

Yeah, it gets really boring. You need something to point at. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 13:25

And I think it also opens you up to being like, I'm out of this situation, right? Like if you have a really stressful week at work, like try to try to spice it up, leave the house for a little bit to do it air. Or work in a coffee shop if you're remote. I think there's something so much about like giving yourself what we need in a different way to come to conclusions or to be re-sparked. Yes. To talk more positively to ourselves because I think we've all been there a bad week, a bad month. You own those paths.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Yes. What are you gonna do to change it? You know, are you gonna go through your work week of going hum drum, hum, drum, same meetings, different week, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Or are you gonna say, like, can I meet somebody new this week? Yeah. And and infuse some energy, or hey, I heard something about somebody doing something really cool at work. Let me go set up a call with them to learn about it. You know, I think we all have to stop accepting, you know, that things are just what they are and find those times to your point of like when you're really dissatisfied or you're feeling disengaged or you're feeling uninspired or not stimulated. I think what you just were describing is like you're not stimulated. You, everyone or over stimulated or overstimulated, like in the worst ways possible. Totally. Like you need to be stimulated with some calmness, right? But like at the end of the day, it's like you have to be in charge of what you're gonna do to move yourself forward because it's not gonna be your spouse or significant other. No, it's not gonna be your best friend. They are worried about themselves, they're going through their own shit, different day. And essentially, like it goes back to us. So even this morning, I have had a hard week, Ashley. I was telling you this right before. Kids are going through some stuff. I don't know, it's a full moon every night. I don't know what's going on, but I'm like, can we get past whatever is happening? For sure. Because I'm so drained. But I went into this morning and I was still in a funk. And then I knew we were gonna record, and I knew that I had a day that was gonna be very busy, and I was like, okay, here's what you're gonna do. Talking to myself. You're gonna go get that walk-in immediately.

SPEAKER_02 15:30

Blood flow.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

You're coming back, you're gonna shower, you're gonna freshen yourself up, and you're gonna have a great day.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

And I I wouldn't want to mess with you, right? I like kind of want to do that for myself, right?

SPEAKER_01 15:40

Right, right. But I felt so much better. Good. And then I went and talked to my husband. I was like, Matt, I am gonna have a good day.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

I am not gonna sit and wallow.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

Totally.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

No more woe is me.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

Well, and I think this goes back to like kind of your main mantra in life is manifestation. Yeah. And just like speaking it into existence, your frame of mind frames everything. You feel the good feelings if you want to feel good. How are you gonna guide to a better life where you're betting on yourself? Yes, if you cannot do positive things for yourself. Exactly. It's hard. Yes. And baby steps is where you start.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

Like you said, 10-minute walk. 10-minute walk. I'm a person who walks. Totally. I'm gonna walk every day.

SPEAKER_02 16:24

And I think we need to be thankful that we can move our bodies. Absolutely. Right? There's a lot of people who can't. Right. And just to kind of be like, sometimes I think in our head, we're on this high horse where everything's critical, everything matters, everything's burning. And maybe this is that overstimulation of just like every pot is hot.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

Right? But once you get away from that, take that 10-minute walk, it it always does me better too.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

Yeah. And I think this is where you're like, hey, it's just me alone on the pavement. And with my thoughts or with a podcast or with a song, you know. Bubbles and breakdowns. With bubbles and breakdowns. I mean, I listen to us over and over and over. We're our only listens. Okay. But like truly, I think this is it's so much about, you know, it ties back into so many things we've been talking about. But this also, you know, with self-worth and how we talk to ourselves and what we believe, but this is also about seeking out things, taking action, you know, not just saying to yourself, I am strong, I am competent, I can seek out new adventures, I have a growth mindset. Whatever your mantras are, it's about acting on those. So if I wanted to say to myself, I'm a long distance runner, I'm a person who can still run half marathons, I have to get out and run every day.

SPEAKER_02 17:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

And I was running or walking every single day leading up to that. But it was a commitment to myself. And nobody was prodding me, being like, get out there, go get it done. It's literally me and the pavement.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

And I think for me too, my drives and ambitions, like you said, maybe it's my brain atrophy state of life, are a little lower. But my new thing is any little thing that I am kind of like, ooh, I want to do this, I've been doing.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

Yes, just do it.

SPEAKER_02 18:09

I literally just lean in and do it. And again, these aren't big things, but like for some reason I've caught on to this mahjong bug and I don't know how to play.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

Well, you're gonna be having a party soon that I have to miss because I'm really depressed.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

But like I got, you know, eight, nine, ten women together to learn mahjong, right? And like little stuff where it's just like that. I'm an outgoing person, so I love doing that stuff anyway. But I was like, I love a game.

unknown 18:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

So I was just like, I no one's gonna teach me. I'm gonna figure it out myself. Right. And I know it's like so different from like running a half marathon, but it's kind of like something that gives me more purpose. And I think that's the grounding thing in this is going in it alone, betting on yourself, but find those purposes that drive you and even just little things to get you out there to kind of get those wheels moving again. Yes, it's about an action-oriented self-mindset. And this reminds me so much of like all the memes, right? Again, meme to me means anything on social media. Um, about romanticizing your life.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:14

And like finding little things that help you, I don't know, feel more romantic about your life.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

Totally. Mm-hmm. And season. Yeah, because I'll tell you what, if I keep waiting on romance to find me at this, what is it, seven almost 17 years of marriage, like our candle is lit, but it is it is dimming in terms of romance because we've got kids, we've got jobs, we've got a lot going on. Totally. I have to, you know, even if it's just sitting in your bathtub and being like, oh, this is my beautiful moment of respite. And I feel at peace with myself. You know, I think this means so much to so many different people, but at the end of the day, I think champions are lovely, they're essential. I think if you have great champions that are guiding you, that's great. But if you don't, guess what? Your biggest fan is inside you. Totally. And there's nobody who knows you better than yourself. So who better to cheer you on and and push through and find and seek new things for sure.

SPEAKER_02 20:12

And if you're stuck in that brain atrophy phase like I am, I think it literally is anything that sparks a little enjoyment. Yeah, seize it, see what happens. Take your kids to the park, meet a mom who maybe like sparks something else. Again, not hype squatting it, but more just like you never know what's gonna kind of like give you a different ambition without like getting out there a little bit too.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

And that's where I think we all those experiences, Ashley, build this kind of feeling of being unshakable. It's like we find our why and our purpose, build on that, and then you become unshakable of saying, I can make decisions quickly because I know who I am, I know what I want, and I know what I want my life to look like. Totally. And no is a complete sentence. So if someone comes to you and says, Hey, how about we get all the kids together for a whole weekend in Michigan, you're like, I'd rather rip my eyeballs out of my socket. And no, unless there's a spa day built in there, I'm gonna say no. Exactly. And I'd rather be at home, you know. Like, I'm I mean, I actually probably would love that, but it's just an illustration of just putting things through a filter of your true compass and saying, Does it fit or does it not? Yeah, and holding true to ourselves. So I think as we go through life, what a beautiful place to kind of try to strive to be in more and more. And we're not all gonna be stay-at-home moms, we're not all gonna be corporate baddies, you know, we're not all going to become creative entrepreneurs. But I hope that each of us, as we think about what motivates us and keeps us excited about living, can do more of those things. Couldn't have said it better.

SPEAKER_02 21:46

And remember, after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles. If you're enjoying us, please tune in, follow us on the gram, and listen to us on Apple, Spotify, or wherever we get your podcast. Thanks for tuning. And we'll see you later. Cheers, guys.