Finding Joy Amidst the Messy Middle

Today, we are diving into a topic that is incredibly close to my heart, mostly because my calendar looks like a game of Tetris played by a toddler. And to be honest, if I see one more influencer telling me to maximize my productivity by waking up at 4am, drinking green juice, and journaling for two hours before anyone else breathes, I might lose my mind. Who has time for that? Or energy. Today, we’re keeping it real. We are talking about true productivity isn’t about doing more things faster. It’s about doing the right things so you actually have a minute to breathe, pour a glass of something sparkling, and enjoy the life you’re working so hard to build. 

Music by: Matt McGrath https://www.instagram.com/matthewmcgrathmusic 

https://www.instagram.com/bubbles_and_breakdowns

And remember, after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:12

Welcome to Bubbles and Breakdowns, a space designed for you to show up as your beautifully imperfect self, where we dive into the good, the bad, and the bubbly. I'm Katrina.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

And I'm Ashley. Joy.

unknown 0:27

Ah.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

I just think of that inside out movie. Joy. Yay. Touch my dashboard. But joy isn't something that happens to you once you finish your to-do list. It's that survival strategy you use to get through the list in the first place. Reclaiming your joy as you age isn't selfish. It's a necessary maintenance to a happy life. Join us today as we talk about how we infuse joy into our lives, despite the heavy lifting of navigating that high pressure season of parenting while simultaneously facing the physical and emotional shifts of getting older. For some reason, every time we read an overview, I'm like, that slaps. It slaps because it's like it slaps, hits, and does all crushes. I know. It like literally, I feel these to a degree. And maybe that's why they're topics, right? But like I really think finding or creating joy in your messy seasons is a sport. It is a sport. Like you it's it literally you have to think of it tactically because I don't think you'll survive.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Oh, I agree. And and the tactics like can look different. And but also I was reflecting on this topic, Ashley, and I don't know if you feel this. As we get older, it's almost like I'm desensitized to joy, where I'm like, yeah, that's a cute dog, but you know, you gotta clean up its poop and like better. No, no, like no, for sure. Like you're kind of desensitized, where it's like you actually have to like really lock in to experience the joy that's around us. It's still the same things are around us every day. Absolutely. But it's like the way we can pause and like isolate and really uh enjoy the joy for sure.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Well, and I think there's you know that old adage, stop and smell the roses, right? Yeah, really comes through because I think you said it perfectly. We are we're kind of desensitized to the world. And I don't know if it's like the technology, all the dopamine hits we're trying to get out of here. You know what I mean that are not fulfilling us still, though, right? Like it causes more depression. Yes, but like there really is these beautiful moments, even with like our families, that should give us that fulfillment. Seems a bit dry.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

Yeah, it can feel really dry. Like certain days I will make it through the whole evening, like the rush hour I call it of of night night life when there's school and daycare over. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm just cooking and I'm just like maybe cleaning off a scrape because they fell into the driveway. And I'm like reacting, bathtime, story, whatever. And it's not until I'm laying next to my precious little babies and they're quiet, about to drift to sleep, that I finally look at them as the little precious moments, sweet angels that they really are to me. You know, because you're rushing, I know, and you don't have the time to quote unquote stop and smell the roses.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

So my daughter the other day, and this has really been sticking with me because she said it a few times. Because I was like, hurry up, put your shoes on. Why do I have to hurry?

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Why are you saying hurry? I know, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 3:32

And I literally was like, I don't know. But mostly it's because we're gonna be late for school. But a lot of the times, right? Like I am putting maybe this is like overscheduling or little things that I'm like, I don't want to make even a normal moment anxiety redden. Because then you're gonna miss the joy, you're gonna miss these glimmers of joy because everything else is masking it almost, right? Or like absorbing it and making you not realize that those glimmers of joy throughout the day like I just feel like this goes back to like all older parents are you know, they're like, these are the best days of your life. Yeah, in retrospect, right? I know, right? But it's like, how do we live in the world? What it is really is though, right? How do we start making that forefront forefront and paramount to ensuring that we're like every day you go to bed and you're like, this was cool. Yeah. What if I get to witness that, right? But let's talk about life's are complicated. You're freaking nuts. Yeah. And I'd love to hear what are kind of your glimmers of joy or what's saving your life right now.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

I will say we have a lot of stress around meals. And I know it seems so like, oh, mundane, and we talked about meal prep. It wasn't a very successful topic. We'll just call that out. But I'm gonna tell you what. But crack pots. If you have kids that are like great eaters, like give yourself a pat on the back. I do not have those children. I don't think my son has ever eaten a vegetable. Yeah, they're like, what's broccoli? Ever. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

And he gets them on his plate every night.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

Yeah, and we keep up too. And it wasn't until the other night that my daughter was like pounding broccoli, and I was like, this is the best day ever. But point being, the things that save me in those moments are instead of like trying to curate the perfect meal, this big ass snack tray dinner, I put it on this huge cutting board and I do like the chicken nuggets, the tater tots, the fruit, the cucumbers, like I do a whole mishmash of stuff, and my daughter will help me make it. And if I literally just can't come up with a meal or I can't get myself to think through what to give them, I'm just like, let's make this. And that saves me because then they typically want to go eat it outside. And then we have these moments of joy and sitting there, and they can kind of like, you know, scoot on their scooters and then come back and grab something when they're ready. And then ultimately we'll have neighbor kids come over and they're snacking off the tray after our kids are done with it. And yeah, it just like takes the pressure off, it makes it fun because they're eating off of this huge like bamboo cutting board. Less dishes, less dishes, exactly. And then anything they don't eat, either we clean up or the neighbor kids do, and it works out. I love it. It's so basic, but it really makes a night for us. What about you?

SPEAKER_00 6:23

So, yeah, I think trying to like hear what you're saying then, it's like look into your biggest pain points and try to find a way to make them less painful, yes, right? Like, how can we start doing that? I think for me is realizing when I'm playing with my kids, I need to put my phone away. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I need to do it. Because it makes me very time oriented during play to be like, okay, I can see it's 20 minutes, but let me just check my Instagram really quick. I'm playing school and then I'll check my phone again 10 minutes. I might be like texting someone, and then it's like my little guy will be like, put your phone away.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Oh, and isn't that the worst when they call you out?

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Mom, can you put your phone down? Like, and I literally what I've started doing, because I'm like, okay, if I'm time oriented of like, because I'm always thinking one step ahead. I think a lot of women do, right? Like, we when do we have to be out the door? Yes. We are very dialed into a schedule. So I've been starting the timer.

SPEAKER_01 7:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

I will hear this if it goes off in the hallway. Right. No one really needs to talk to me right now.

SPEAKER_01 7:26

No.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

What are you telling me that's urgent, right? So I've been setting a timer. And like, usually my thing is like, okay, I gotta start dinner at this point before they're like, I'm starving.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

Like they're about to work, like just passing. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

So that's like the only thing driving that time. But I realized how much I was missing by not fully being present. So by not fully being present, I'm missing the joy. The joy. Yes. It's robbing me.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

I will reflect this back because my dear friend has a whole belief about this phone. Put your phone down. It's that's her mantra. Put your phone down. And what I love, and I was even thinking about this last night. I was at um my son's soccer practice, and she's actually the coach of one of the coaches of my son's soccer team. And I was on the sidelines. I was watching a lot, but then I was also like, I've got to buy something for an upcoming birthday. And I'm like making sure I trying to fit things in. And I'm having my phone and I'm going through and I'm making the order, and I caught eyes with her, or maybe she didn't look at me, but I was like, ooh, friend, like you are probably judging me that I'm at soccer practice. You're scolding me with your eyes. You're scolding well, but not really. But like I inferred it because I know her belief on this. And what I remember her saying, and it sticks with me so much, and it's exactly what you're talking about, I think, which is you're missing it. Missing it. And what I mean by that is those moments of joy are still all around us at all times. But if you don't look up from your phone, you are missing it. Yes. And your kid is growing and changing and learning right in front of you. And they may have looked over at you to see if you're watching and you weren't.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Totally. And some of these moments, too, where there's been a like a handful I can remember where I'm like, I'm just gonna leave my phone here. Good. And part of it though is like, oh, what if there's like a picture to be had? Man, go grab it.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

I know.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

But like I never looked back to be like, I wish I had a picture of that because it is a core memory in my brain.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

That I was so happy doing that without this interrupting device.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

That would have ruined my memories. Yes. And and then also by you being on those phones, I feel like we're just like setting that example for the kids. Right. Which is like the last thing I want for them.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Yes. Ugh. So another way, so like I love the saving your life idea. But then there's like this whole idea of how are you sprinkling in little moments of fun throughout the day. And I'll share one that came up as we were planning, which is if I'm not in a great mood, or if I'm like, we've got a busy night ahead, and I need the energy to be like up, I'm putting together a playlist of only three songs because that's how long it takes for me to go from one place to another on the end of the day. And I'm like, these kids are gonna be jamming out. Um if it's nice out, I'm putting the windows down. Bangers. And I'm singing, and if I'm happy, they're happy. Totally. And that's how like music has been such a big thing for us, Ash, is like how we infuse fun into situations. We put on a record, totally, like we change the mood in a heartbeat.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

And you know what? And I think that also works, at least for the kids who are like, I want a show. I know, no, it's a dance party. Yeah, and I literally feel like they just like that energy, yeah, presence.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

But we do too. Totally. Like if I'm cooking and Matt puts on like this classical jazz or this peaceful piano playlist that I like, I'm like, I feel like I am a chef in a Michelin Star restaurant, and like it sets the tone. Smooth jazz tonight, right? But like these are the things that can break us out of like our mundane huminess that lift the energy, right? And I love that.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

Yeah, and I feel like I notice a difference too for school drop-offs when I've got like soda pop playing, oh yeah, or whatever. And I'm I'm also just like bopping along, bopping, feeling good. Oh, yeah, and then I go on to have a great day. I think music is a huge, huge one, and I I love that you brought that up.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

Yeah, what about you? Any other ways that you would try to infuse little sprinkles?

SPEAKER_00 11:27

You're like the queen of fun. I don't know. Come on, barely, but I feel like I really have been into this notion of romanticizing your life. So I literally try to figure something out that like I'm like, what will get the kids like psyched? And it could be nothing but the way my presentation and the way that I like present this to them. Best thing, like literally um last weekend my daughter was like, Oh, I'm just like my feet are so hot in these shoes and sacks. And I was like, You want to take your shoes off? And she's like, What do you mean? And run around in my sacks. I was like, Wanna take your sacks off too? She's like, run around barefoot, and this is a forbidden fruit. She literally said it was the best thing she did all month was run around to bare feet. So I like tried to make this like joyful thing just to be like, Yes, and then my son took his shoes off and we were all just like barefoot outside.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

Yes, and she said, Can I please do that again? I can't believe you're telling me this, Ash, because number one, how simple. Simple, but number two, we had a same thing. Like last year we took a vacation up north and we stayed on the water, and there's this like little lake, but it gets really kind of shallow and mucky on the edges. Just had gotten the kids dressed for the day, and they went out there and they were like wanting to go in. And I can see my husband being like, Don't. They just got dressed. Do not invite this dirt. A board. And I was like, We have no plants, they can get dirty and we can shower. Yeah, they did cartwheels, they got wet, they got dirty, and later after that trip was over, we asked what their favorite part was. And my daughter said, That moment totally that little moment of relinquishing control, letting them get dirty, letting them run around, and just be kids, and be kids. And I remember like the like there was sun glimmering on the water. Well, it is awful.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

I can still feel it. I feel like it's one of those moments where I think you said it perfectly, like relinquish that control, but also show that you can be fun too. Yeah, let yourself have fun, you know. Get in there. I got in there too totally, and to show the kids like it's not always about following rules, and it's also they feel like they're doing kind of something naughty, but it's like they're being normal, safe, yes, they're being kids, and like that really stuck with me because I was just like, who cares? Right, I'll just take some baby wipes to those feet, like whatever, exactly, you know, and I think that just really that's the one that sticks with me now, but it's just finding these ordinary moments that you can up level, yeah. And same thing where it's kind of like, you want to have dinner outside tonight?

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Or like what?

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Picnic, right? Like things that are just like I don't know, making it whatever gives them joy, joy or now gives me joy.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

And it's so funny that you just said, like, okay, we're talking a lot about our children, but for those who are in the adult, you know, more in the adult realm, like here's thought you were gonna say for those in the adult industry, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

Oh, this takes a turn because we're taking it bubbles and we're going heavy breakdowns.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

Okay. No, but like if you're adult, you know, lifing and and without children, um, first of all, have a great time. Second of all, this is an example. Today, I was like, I got a busy day ahead, I got a lot going on. I looked at Matt, I was like, get ready for a happy hour later. We are having some drinks, so pick out in your mind what you want. And love it. And I'm like, I'm setting the stage for like we're gonna have a chill at home night. We don't have any swim practice or soccer, da da da. But like I set the stage. Like, I'm inviting this joy, totally relaxation. And it's not, it doesn't have to be like we're getting slosh, we're just gonna have a glass of wine or or beer or whatever. But like, I'm like, this is the day that we're gonna relax. Yes, and that will be a moment of joy because I have invited that. I totally and I and not only that, like I'm excited about it. It gave me something to look forward to.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

You know, it's kind of like you got a plan. I got a little plan, right? Nothing that's stressful, nothing that requires that much of you, and it's probably gonna be the best thing you've done all month.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

Yes, yes. So then there's other ways I think that people impart joy on their lives. And as we get in this messy middle and there's like so much being asked of us, and sorry, we are also the quote unquote sandwich generation, and I don't mean subway sandwiches, I mean like aging parents and very young children, and so we are kind of squished like you know, lunch mates sometimes. A cold cut. Hello, I'm a local, I'm a little piece of salabi, but yeah, no, like finding a hobby, finding something that you enjoy doing. Like, I enjoy doing this podcast with you, it brings me joy, it brings me fun and energy, and it gives me a space to just kind of talk about things I would never talk about. But like getting out there and trying something new, like you you're doing mahjong, you know, and and trying something new.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

I love how I've been talking about this. I haven't even gone yet.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

Well, that's part of the fun is waiting and anticipating.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

I like cannot wait. You're gonna have a blast. Coastal grandma. Here we go.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Yes, but like there's other people that will do like um adult coloring books and like, oh, I'm gonna learn how to crochet. I think there's something so joyous and joyful about saying, hey, I've never done this, I want to learn it. Or hey, I've never run a 5K and I'm 40 years old and I'm gonna sign up for one. I'm gonna go couch to 5K. Like getting out there and saying, don't just accept that you are the person who doesn't run. Right. Like, do you want to?

SPEAKER_00 16:53

Totally. And I think reframing it too, I know we've probably I think we've talked about this before, but like, would you regret not doing this or not trying it? I think that's a great way to be like, how important does that strike you in the moment of no, I would look back regretting not trying this or not, you know, dipping my toe.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

Yes, and same thing with like travel, you know, it's like okay, it may be difficult to go and do the thing, but every time, every time we take a trip, there has always been a moment where I'm like, I'm just glad we did it. It may have been difficult at times. Maybe I was exhausted even more than I was before leading into it afterwards because it wasn't really a break, it was a lot of work. But the memories, you know, and saying I'm going to deal with the difficult in order to get those little pieces of joy that become a part of our romantic life, to quote back to you. Totally. I know.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

I think it's all important to leading to where we want to be, is happy.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

Yeah, I know. And then if you're feeling maybe dejected or if you're like really in a pissy mood, which by the way, I can identify with that, and nothing is bringing you joy, you really need to start seeking it and look around you and stop stop imploding. You know, I think it's easy to kind of get down when things aren't going right or things aren't going your way, or you're tired, or you're achy, or you're perimenopausal or pre-menopausal or whatever. And you know, really just like implode and instead it's it take a moment and look around. It's all around us. I mean, if you stare long enough out your window, you're gonna see something precious in nature. You're gonna see something precious at the park with little kids and lighting up because they learned how to do the monkey bars the first time.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

And I feel like joy is all around us. Like this reminds me of um, oh my gosh, what's that movie? It's a Christmas movie, Hugh Grant. Oh, um Love Actually. Love Actually. I feel it in my toes. You know that's a good thing. Yes, yes, yes. And they say like cute love is all around us and they're all singing together. Yeah, but for some reason, it just reminds me of that, like literally, like you can feel joy anywhere. It is all around us. You just have to seek it, be intentional. And if there are blockers, remove them.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

Yes. And one of the blockers can be your own mental state. Totally shake it up, get yourself out of it, you know, go for the walk, look around, put your phone down. If you're if you're feeling not great, I'm gonna tell you what, stay away from your phone. Totally. Like for real. It will rob you of all the joy.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

I've like, there's many times in my life where I've done like a 30-day deletion of apps. Yes, yes. I don't miss, I don't miss anything. I'm like, oh, this person had a baby or this, and like it doesn't change my life.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

No, you're fine for not knowing everything. People in my life that I have to talk to.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Yeah, like it's I don't need to know everything.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

Yeah, and I think that's so beautifully put because it's about engaging in the present. Yeah, and you know, we talk about this all the time in the world, is everyone's stuck on this consciousness, and what's your realm of consciousness and being present is a big part of consciousness. It's being in the moment, engaging with life that's right in front of you rather than through a device. And so joy is all around us. I think it's a beautiful way to kind of like tie up this segment of just saying, hey, we want everybody to be able to look around more, to engage with life more and to feel the joy that is waiting for you. Because you have capability at any moment to find it and create it.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Totally.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

And remember after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

If you're liking us, loving us, please find us on the gram, DM us, listen to us on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast. Thanks for tuning in.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

Cheers.