Multitasking: The Female Conundrum

We’ve all heard the phrase, "Women are just naturally better at multitasking." It’s often handed to us as a compliment; a badge of honor for the mom hopping on a corporate conference call while pouring milk into a sippy cup, or the professional seamlessly triaging emails while coordinating a family calendar. But is it actually a superpower, or is it a survival mechanism for a heavy cognitive load? In this episode, we pull back the curtain on the "multitasking myth." We explore why multitasking isn't an innate female skill, but a systemic female issue. We talk about the hidden cost of "task-switching," the invisible labor that drives it, and how to build boundaries to reclaim our focus.

Music by: Matthew McGrath https://www.instagram.com/matthewmcgrathmusic

https://www.instagram.com/bubbles_and_breakdowns

And remember, after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Hello and welcome to Bubbles and Breakdowns, a space designed for you to show up as your beautifully imperfect self, where we dive into the good, the bad, and the bubbly. I'm Ashley.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

And I'm Katrina. Well, we've all heard the phrase, well, at least I have, women are just naturally better at multitasking. And you know what? It's often handed to us as a compliment or a badge of honor for the mom hopping on a corporate conference call while pouring milk into a sippy cup or the professional seamlessly triaging emails while coordinating the family calendar. But you know what? Is it actually a superpower, Ashley? Or is it a survival mechanism for a heavy cognitive load? In this episode, we're pulling back the curtain on this multitasking myth. We explore why multitasking isn't necessarily innate female skill, but rather a systemic female issue. We talk about the hidden costs of task squitching and the invisible labor that it drives and how, oh gosh, can we build some boundaries and reclaim our focus? I would like to focus. I don't even know how to focus. I know, like even right now, as we're sitting here, I think both of us are planning for the next thing. 100%.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

And even the biggest word that just stuck out to me when you were going over this overview was a systemic female issue.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

It is an issue. Yes, it's not a skill necessarily to be boasting about. No, and I I mean, I love the fact I can multitask because I've been programmed. And where you rely on it, you rely on it, and your family relies on you to be able to do that because you always have done that.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Exactly. But it can become cumbersome.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Yes. And it becomes distracting. And so we're going to talk about that today. I think the interesting part as we dug into this topic, because you brought this topic up and I was like very curious. I was like, yeah, why is this so typically coined a woman or female, you know, uh ability? And this is the craziest thing. It's like we aren't necessarily biologically better. It's not like our neuro neurons in our brain are firing a different way. But rather, the the way that it looks is that it's actually society's expectations. And that this is how we've gotten to this place of we can do it all and we're blending career and home life and mixing it all in a blender. And it's forced us to be in these positions where we have to juggle. Otherwise, like we feel like we're failing totally.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

Like we're the time of it all. Yes. If we don't multitask, it's not gonna get all done. Yes. It's not. If you're not that one step ahead, then you have no steps left to take.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Like even this morning before I came over here, when talking about time, I was like, okay, I need to get ready. It's an early, you know, um, recording day or whatever. And I looked at both of my kids' beds, which I typically make and put all their stuffies back perfectly. And I was like, I think I'm gonna leave them and I'll just do it later. And then nope, that cognitive load. I was like, there is no later. You have to do this now. If you don't do it now, you're not gonna want to do it later. Totally. And so what did I do?

SPEAKER_00 3:23

Made the bets. I made the bets. Well, and even I would say you started planning for today last night. I did, because she texted me, what's your Starbucks order? And I was like, I was already asleep. But I was just like, that's how we work. We are thinking, okay, if Ashley probably doesn't respond in the morning because she's what time is she getting up? But I want to bring coffee. But like that's how deep ingrained we are to be just one minute saving time. Yeah, three steps ahead. Exactly. Yeah, it's just what has happened.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

But it kind of relieved, it's like a little relief to me to know that oh, I'm not just like stuck this way, or I wasn't like born like this, but perhaps it's the way that we have to function because of what's around us and the pressures of our lives that kind of like made me feel relief.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Right. It's like our assumed responsibilities. Yes. And you're right, like kind of those stereotypical tasks or things that are just fall in our lap that we're trying to juggle at all.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

Right. Right. And I think like the whole idea of it being a compliment, I definitely have felt that when I was thinking about that. I'm like, Ashley, when people are like, oh, she's so good at multitasking. Um, for example, I'll be on my team calls and I'll be taking notes or like looking away and they can tell that I'm not like fully dialed in, but I still listen to everything they're saying. And I've had a team member of mine go, no, she's hearing everything that you're saying, don't even worry. And I'm like, I am. So you want da-da-da-da. And but it's also like maybe that's a sign of disrespect, you know? Like maybe they didn't love that I did that. And while I'm a high functioning multitasker, it doesn't mean that that's like the best way to operate. And so I think this badge of honor, this compliment is actually like keeping us going in this multitasking mind totally versus saying, Oh, it's okay. I can I get to the point, Ashley, where I say, I can't do that right now.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

Well, no, like not right now. Can we unwire ourselves? Yes, can we change the way our brains think? I don't know if I could, to be honest. But I also like to your point, the compliment stage of it all, or like there is some satisfaction in me being like, okay, I did all of this. Right. I got us look at my to-do list. Right. I got us to point A. And I feel like I did it the way I wanted to do it, which I think gets us in this trap too. 100%. It's probably our personalities of I like this to be like this. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

So I'm gonna take care of it. Yes. It's how it's like why I clean my house so much because I like having a peaceful setting where things are clean and in order, but then it's like it stresses me out. And and so it's like this whole, I don't know, rock and hard place where you're like, I like it this way, no one else is doing it. I'm always the person doing it. And I'll I'll call out Matt and the fact that I'll talk about like, can you just do like maybe one dinner? And he, it's so awesome. He's been doing one dinner a month. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but it is a lot for us, and and it's a lot for him because he has not built the muscle to think of dinner, plan dinner, make the dinner. And what he has said to me so many times when I'll come to him, be like, Well, I wish somebody else would fill in the blank. I wish somebody else would be responsible for XYZ, the things that I've always been responsible for. And he's like, It's not that I can't, Katrina, it's that you always do. And it's just the way unfortunately we've created our rhythm. Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

It's like not that you won't let him, but you won't let him.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Exactly. It's like thought out, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

And I'm in the same way. And I think all of this just leads to this exhaustion or burnout. I remember like a couple months ago, it was just like, I don't know if it was like doing everything for school and then doing everything for home, and then like trying to get my personal space and time, like that's a lot to crunch in. It is, and I just remember telling Brad, like, I just want to not be responsible for a day. Yeah, no decisions today, no decisions. And I think what that leads to like you're overloaded with you are making every decision. I don't, and I was like, I don't dinner, I don't care. No, whatever. Breakfast, whatever. But a burrito day, I can't. Yeah. Laundry, what's that? Like, I literally was like, I need a day to not think. And I also got that for I don't know why, but when we went to a couple years ago in Disney World, oh, I know.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

I was like, the You're my hero.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

I took a one-year-old and a four-year-old.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

I thought you were crazy. I'm gonna be honest.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

But like, you know, I think But if anyone can do it at two. Oh, but but packing for that trip, I remember just being like, I sat on that plane on the way there, and I was just like, I can't do anything else. Yeah, it just like my mentality. All of a sudden you decompare and it just seems so easy. Like you're packing for a trip, but I'm always that person that's like, well, what if it rains? Well, what if it and like luckily Brad does that too, where he will like he was the one that was like, We need to get like a rain jacket for the stroller. Yeah. And I was like, didn't even think of that. Great, like, you know, we are that he's like a prepper, which like I love because then it's like, oh, we always know what's going on. You know what's up, yes. But like it is that mental loading, right? It's like, and how do you come back for that? Because then I think it also does things to your bodies, right? Our cortisol level is higher. You're ramping you're ramping all the time, and then you're gonna have a crash.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Well, and and what I've also noticed, I definitely think you're gonna have a crash, whether you get sick or you get so stressed out, you get in a fight or you pick fights or whatever that is. I what I've also noticed is that this constant multitasking has made deep focus work harder for me to do. So hard. Because you're constantly juggling, and you imagine, like, I'm gonna put a um a uh visual out there for the listener. So, like the way my brain works, maybe in a visit visual manifestation, is imagine this really giant cooktop. And maybe one pot is simmering, maybe the other pot isn't turned on yet, but it has to be turned on in an hour. And then you've got another one that's about to overflow, and then you've got another one that is about to dry out and like burn the chicken. And they're all going at the same time. And at any given moment, I feel like I have to dial down or remove a pot from the stove. And I say that because that is what my thoughts are like. For example, when I'm working sometimes, I'll start doing something, I'll open up a tab, and then I'll be like, okay, I'm gonna do this, that, and the other thing. And then all of a sudden I start doing something else. And then I actually have to mentally tell myself, Ashley, get that first thing done before you touch another thing. There's also this practice in work world where it's open it, touch it once. So if you're gonna open an email, be prepared to follow through and follow up on what that email is. And and there's something really beautiful about that. Totally. And I but it is harder and harder.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

100%. And like I love that. I've actually never heard that before, but I love that because that thought is just with you then of I have to respond to this person, and then you have to respond to the next person. So why not just take it off your plate? I feel like we almost put ourselves in these positions that make it harder, but I think it's due to that overwhelm, right? You're just overwhelming. Like there's so many times I remember in the when I was in the corporate world of just being like, this task is easy. It's so easy. Why am I not doing it? But I think I was so burnt out and it was all plaguing me that it just became another item on my to-do list that maybe I'd get to tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

Yeah, and then it became like a I don't feel like it right now. Yeah, versus like, I'm gonna do this now so I don't have to worry about it later. And to your point, that distracts you even more from that deep work. That deep work. And so I've had to in the previous episode, if you haven't listened to Life Hacks, I encourage you guys to listen to it. It's a light, fun-hearted episode, but it also gives out really practical tips and ways that we manage some of the stuff that we talk about on this podcast all the time. And when I looked at that, you know, how I block my calendar, if I have something that's gonna take, like, for example, strategy work, it takes more thought time, more thought power. I have to go deep, wide, I have to look at a few things to really start to semblance what I'm trying to do. I block two, three-hour chunks if I can get them. And then I tell myself, like, this is your time. But this is funny because it's it's all making sense because I am like honestly uh an A multitasker. And so, in order to get focused and deep, I have to retrain my brain and I have to set up mechanisms and expectations and self-talk that get me out of my multitasking trap. Because then the next thing you know, I'm signing up my kids for another swimming lesson.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

Totally. And I think the thing that always helped me, especially just kind of like to get deep, to get in that section, is I'm a timer person. Yes. Because if if I'm just like, okay, you have 45 minutes to do this or to be in this, otherwise, then I'm checking my phone. Yeah. What time is it? When's my next call? Yes. When is when do I have to pick up a human? But if you have a timer that's gonna go off, it helps you stay present because you're not worried about checking on the time or you're dedicated and you're not getting distracted. Exactly. And I think distraction, especially with everything, social media, it's like constantly pulling out your social swirl. Like all of a sudden I'm on Instagram and I'm like, whoa, I'm not supposed to be doing that. I have like, keep your brain where it needs to be. We are so programmed to not do that. I know. So it's kind of funny to think about this though a little bit too, to say, we are accomplishing so much because we are multitasking, but is our quality declining because we're so fragmented?

SPEAKER_01 13:13

And that's why this whole like argument around women, you know, women and females being systemically programmed to be multitaskers, the deprogramming, like step one is we have to stop giving ourselves a badge of honor or giving ourselves like that attaboy for getting so much done. And I think this speaks to a humanistic thing, right? Ash is like we want to feel every day that we wake up on this earth that we have put it all out there, that we have done the thing, that we've got the thing done, whatever that is, the X, you know, I don't know, cleaning out your garden beds. I think you're gonna be doing some lawn work later. Like, you know, I don't know, but but but truth be told is that at the end of the day, if we didn't accomplish a lot, then you kind of start to feel bad about yourselves. And I think to your point, is what if instead you look back at your day and say, Okay, how did I enjoy the day? You know, I just was watching something. Oh yeah, eat pray love. I was like, I feel like I just need like a little romance, romance, comedy, whatever. So we put on eat, pray, love. Matt has never seen it, and I was like, oh, I love this. I don't see heaven either. Okay, I just love this movie. She is incredible, and this whole story is about this woman who like blows up her life, blows up her marriage, and goes and moves to Italy, and then she goes on a big trip, a bunch of places, and ends up in Bali. And I won't spoil the rest for you. But while in Italy, there was um this whole back and forth about Americans, and they were like, You Americans, you don't know how to relax and you don't know how to have pleasure. You go and do stuff, but you don't know how to have pleasure. And they kept saying pleasure, and they were like, So, for example, like when we eat pasta, we eat pasta, we enjoy the pasta, we enjoy the wine, and we have nowhere to go. We just, we just, it's about family, it's about time, and our meals take three or four hours, you know? It's like this luxuriating. So if we look at our lives of did I luxuriate today, or did I rush and get a bunch of shit done that doesn't frankly matter? Like, talk about flipping the script on multitasking and a badge of honor.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

Totally. And I think this also complements what we've always been saying about being present.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

When we're so complicated in our brains of like left, right, center, you're not, to your point, finding the pleasure. The blessure. You know what I mean. And isn't that what life's about? Yes. Like we are exhausted, we are burnt out from this societal construct of doing all the things. Yeah, let's reject that we're not enjoying anything.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

Let's reject the whole pressure, right? And I think the more we can do this, like I'll tell you one big freeing thing. I I do like the way I look with makeup on, but I have fully embraced the no makeup life.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

Same. Fully embraced. I literally I laugh because I I have a uniform every day too. Like I wear yoga pants and some sort of like I found these yoga pants that like I'm obsessed with. I bought 10 pairs. Yeah, of course. Because they're mine every day, and then I just in like another leisurely athletic top. Like, and it makes my life easy. I don't have to think about everything. But to your point, too, last time I put makeup on, I have to buy more makeup because I'm just like don't do it enough. But it does, it takes something off my plate. But like I kind of miss getting ready though, too.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

That's what I was gonna say is that there's certain days where getting ready makes you feel good. Yes. But then there's like, so for example, if I wake up early enough and I can throw on a little, you know, makeup mascara, yeah, a little pep in my step, but I'm not going to make it a requirement for my day. Instead, I look at the mornings, especially on school days. Am I able to sit with them? Am I able to be with them for that hour, an hour and a half before they are gone for the entire day? Or am I rushing around getting myself ready to look pretty for what? For who? Like, I have to believe I'm pretty enough as I am. Right. You know?

SPEAKER_00 17:14

And this goes back to your pots.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

Which pots can you just like take that pot off? Like leave the water cold. Like, I don't need that today. Yes. And instead, it's like instead of getting ready, I get maybe my jog in. Yeah. Right. And so I do think there's this whole like, are you multitasking for the sake of getting things done? Or are you prioritizing the right pots on your hooktop? There's an art to it. Absolute art to it. And you have to look at yourself in that whole balance of regret for the day. Like, am I gonna look back and be like, oh, I'm so glad I looked pretty and ready for those conference calls? Or am I gonna look back and go, I'm so glad I ran that three miles? And I'm gonna tell you what, my inner compass and the way I operate, I'm like, I want to get the three miles in and I'll go on a conference call with a red face. Totally.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

And part of it too, I think, especially in the corporate world, is I think it humanizes you a bit. Yes, to say, I'm gonna show up how I am. Yes, who and and I still have value. Yes, yes, you know what I mean? I think there's a huge component of that too for people to see wow, she's not doing it all either. No, and not in a negative way. You know what I mean? It's kind of it humanizes people to kind of re-eval reevaluate their own multitasking and their own lives and just to realize we are all human. We are all probably to some degree burnt out of keeping all the pots going. Some have four burners, some have eight burners, like right? We are burning all of this. And I think a really good way to start some action is like, can you delegate some of your responsibilities to others? Yeah, like you know what I mean? Because it's not worth it to look back and be burnt out and not have the pleasure, the blood of the thing.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

You know, because yes, it everything is rushed. Yes, everything is rushed. And I think like even, yes, I like to go to grocery stores and pick out things that opportunistically, but sometimes I'm like, Matt, please, yeah, just go. And he'll he won't opportunistically pick out things the way I do. We shop differently. He is a list-oriented guy, he'll pick up other things. I'm not, you know, minimizing his efforts. It's amazing. I appreciate him so much. But I don't always have time to do that, right? And so it's like relinquishing that power and saying, like, it doesn't have to be just so. I love that phrase. Not everything has to be just so. And take, especially in these very busy seasons of our lives, you are if you are multitasking and not even having a moment to think for yourself and you're just thinking about everyone else all the time, how can you turn that off for just an hour?

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Totally. And even I know we've talked about this before about like personal growth. I think this is a great opportunity to get comfortable being uncomfortable by relinquishing some of this power. Exactly. Because you're gonna learn something too. Yes. And I think you're also showing your children, yes, or your spouse, or whoever is involved in this decision that like we are a team.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

You don't have to take on so much responsibility. Right. And start enjoying.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

Yeah. Then boring. And then hopefully can start breaking down maybe some of the systemic pressure that's been put on us as women over the years. Absolutely. So I don't know. I hope this episode brought everybody a little bit of clearing through the clutter of the expectations and just know that, you know, we we feel for you if you're out there and this resonated deeply in terms of multitasking, keeping all the pots on the stove at the right temperature at the right time. But just know we don't want you to be stressed. We don't want to be stressed. We're gonna work on this. I hope you work on it. And let's hold each other up. Like, don't look and frown at the mom who looks frumpy dumpy because you know what that day she chose to just get her kids ready and not herself. Or even if it's every day like me. No, you don't. No, you don't. And and and truly, guys, just just know that it you can change the way you operate. I think that's the biggest invitation as we talk through this topic that really resonates with me. And remember that after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles.

SPEAKER_00 21:17

If you're loving us, please tune in. Follow us on Instagram, send us some DMs to tell us how much these episodes are hitting. Um, listen to us on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast. Thanks for tuning in. Cheers, guys.