Trusting Your Instincts, Listen to Your Inner Voice

Have you ever ignored that little voice inside you, only to realize later it was right all along? If you're a woman in your 40s, chances are you've had that experience more than once. Somewhere between raising kids, building a career, caring for aging parents, supporting a partner, and keeping everyone else's lives running smoothly, it's easy to lose touch with your own inner voice. We become so focused on meeting everyone else's needs that we start second-guessing our own instincts. In today's episode, we're talking about why that happens, why your intuition deserves more credit than you may give it, and how to reconnect with the inner wisdom that's been there all along.

Music by: Matthew McGrath https://www.instagram.com/matthewmcgrathmusic

https://www.instagram.com/bubbles_and_breakdowns

And remember, after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Welcome to Bubbles and Breakdowns, a space designed for you to show up as your beautifully imperfect self where we dive into the good, the bad, and the bubbly. I'm Ashley.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

And I'm Katrina. Ashley, have you ever ignored that little voice inside you? Only to realize later, hey, guess what? It was right all along. Ding ding ding. If you're a woman in your 40s, chances are you've all had an experience more than once like that. Somewhere between raising kids, building a career, caring for our aging parents, supporting a partner, and keeping everyone else's lives running smoothly, it's so easy to lose touch with your own inner voice. We become so focused on meeting everyone else's needs that we start second-guessing our own instincts. In today's episode, we're talking about why that happens, why your intuition deserves more credit than you may give it, and how maybe we could reconnect with that inner wisdom that's been there all along. I have definitely quieted this voice. Maybe even like shoved it down.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Or like, yeah, or was I even born with this? Like, no, but why do we stop trusting ourselves? I think that's such a big question because I think even trying to raise a little human, little humans now, I try to empower them to say, you know what's right and what's wrong.

unknown 1:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

Right? Like, here's your morals. But like, where did that end for me? I'm like, I've always been that validation person who goes, I'm gonna call my five my top five on my space and validate, like, should I do this? Should I do that? I don't even know. Yes, I've always been that, but again, this 40. I'm like put setting that aside.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Yeah, it's so crazy to me because I sit here and I reflect on all the times that maybe I should have listened to my inner voice and I didn't. And I think about a lot of um, you know, relationships when I was younger of like this guy's bad news. And I would just kind of push through and then ultimately it would end in my heartache or being upset to some degree. And and I just don't think that that's gonna support us long term, you know? And I don't know, it's like we give up these inner voices in a way of just immediate maybe satisfaction, if that makes sense, of like, oh, that's too difficult, or yeah, I know you're right, I shouldn't even think about doing this, but I'm gonna just do it anyway. And that's when I think we start getting like I don't know, our self-confidence starts to go down and we start to really second guess ourselves even more, if that makes sense. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

But like, why do we do that? Like, I literally think, like, why have I always needed the top five's advice?

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Yeah, it's a fair question. Um I don't reach out to a lot of people, so I think we're kind of opposite that way. Um I I definitely confide in my husband, and I don't always like it when he disagrees. Who does? Meaning like I sometimes come to him, Ashley, with this like, okay, here's what I think, and this is how I feel about it, and this is what I think I should do about it. And then ultimately I think this is why we're a good partnership, is that he'll mirror back to me an opposing view or a different way. And sometimes I'm just like not even ready to receive it. Um, but that's kind of the opposite of like sometimes I may even listen to my inner voice too much when I feel like maybe too proud or too solidified in my ways or inflexible in my decision making. So I don't know, your top five. Tell me what that looks like.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

Well, yeah, and I'm just kind of reflecting, not this is not Ashley today. This is Ashley, like in my high school, college 20s generation, even 30s, where I think it might have been something too like reflecting back. Like, I didn't really have that. I'm gonna try to make an analogy here. Um that backboard. Like, you know what I mean? Like in basketball to like throw things to against like with my parents, right? So I think by me going to other people, that net was kind of cast wide. Cause I'm like, oh, that's what this person said, but this is what this person said, but this is what this person says. And you kind of want that person to agree with you, though, right? I think in seeking that, you're seeking validation of like, am I making the right choice? Right. And at some point you just have to trust yourself.

unknown 4:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

And I don't think I trusted myself until I got like married.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

And that's I think that's an appropriate age though, because like you got married when you were what, 30?

SPEAKER_00 5:02

When did I have my baby?

SPEAKER_01 5:04

28.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

No, I was like mid-30s. Mid-30s. 33?

SPEAKER_01 5:07

Yeah, yeah. Okay. So I got married.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

I was geriatric pregnancy at some point.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

So both of mine were geriatric, right? But I I think I got married when I was 25, and I felt like I don't know. I felt like I could make my decisions for myself. Where I struggle with this is I think in the absence of listening to our inner voice, like listening, okay, hearing it is one thing. Right. Right? Like we hear ourselves talk all day long and sometimes. I know. I'm like Quiet down back there. Do I have a mute button? Yeah, do I have a mute button? For myself? Exactly. I wish my inner voice has been drinking today. You know, like that's just shut it up. It's a real thing, but like there's a difference between hearing it and listening to it. Oh, yes. And and I think about times like when did I listen to my inner voice? And here's the other thing, too, that's it interesting about this. If we've listened to our inner voice and we've acted, did we ever really go back and realize was it a good decision or a bad decision by listening to our inner voice? Or do we just kind of move on? And I think I'm the kind of person that just moves on. So I don't even know if my inner voice is leading me in the right place. Like, is my intuition strong all the time? Right. Because you're just kind of in your head, totally just going.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

Again, this depends where you're maturity-wise with do you care what other people think, right? About decisions you're making, or will it impact you socially and how you look? Or, you know, and I think that's by going back to this around having this almost advantage in this. Like up until I got married, I was very, like I said, I like got like 10 people's opinions. And then it made it that much harder though for me to make my own choice. Right. Because now I have this like popular opinion out there, and I don't I trust myself even less, right? It's almost that bad to gauge the audience.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Like it almost dilutes your feelings because now you're taking on the opinions of others, which causes second guessing. Right. Now you're crowdsourcing maybe your emotions away because you're never gonna listen to yourself if you're listening to everyone else. And I think that that's a really, really important point is how many times do we just like sit and check in with ourselves and say, okay, how does this feel in my body? Like, how does this, if I were to make this decision? And it's actually funny, Ashley. Like these are questions that I asked my husband recently as he made a really big career decision. And I said, Okay, I want you to close your eyes. And he's of course maybe like eye roll to me. I'm like, Not this again, not this again. I'm like, you're the only one.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

Are we manifesting?

SPEAKER_01 7:45

Are we man meditating or what are we doing? He's like, Nix, this woo-woo BS. But I mean this, and I think that this is something that I need to do more of, Ashley, which is envision yourself at a crossroads, and this can go one of two ways. I'm thinking like Robert Frost. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna go. The road not taken. Oh, yes, the road not taken. Yes, yes, yes. It's kind of like your parallel lives laid out in front of you, and you go down this path of making the decision that's in line in alignment with your intuition, your gut, how does that feel in your body? Are you proud of what you did or are you not, are you nervous? What are those feelings? And the other road is status quo, you're gonna stay kind of doing the same thing and shush your inner voice, right? And if it and then I said, Okay, so now speed up one year from now. And if you were to look back and you didn't make the choice that felt good in your body, how are you gonna feel about yourself? Are you proud? Are you proud of yourself? And he was like, No, I'd be very mad at myself. I said, Well, you have your answer. And he did make a really big decision to change his career. And that type of so for that for me, I took a very, I don't know, neutral stance. So when you talk about crowdsourcing, like I don't really want in my rip my partnership with Matt to be a contributing factor for some decisions that don't necessarily directly impact my well-being. Like his career is luckily we're in a place where we can afford to, you know, change careers and make some decisions as are you and and Brad. But at the same time, I'm like, I don't want what I'm gonna say change what you want to do. I actually want you to tap into your inner voice, and I want you to focus on how it feels for you. So I don't think many people do that for us.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

Yeah, you know. No, I agree. And you know, it just got me thinking too a little bit about when this kind of changed for my life. Also, having kids, I feel like talk about advice, right? Like I'm sure we all know we've heard you gotta do this, no, you gotta do this. Like, and then you get the people that just say, you are the right mother for that child. You know what to do. Isn't that the best advice you ever got? Totally. I think it's it really stops. It makes you think, though, that you're like, trust your instincts here. You know, like obviously, there's like legit questions like how many scoops of formula do I do, right? Like things like you need to know, but like the ones that are more loving and more questions of that, and just like you gotta follow your gut. And I think, you know, getting married, having children, that's when I started to be like, I'm trusting myself because I'm making these huge decisions that a life depends on. And from that, I think that was kind of my first like I am trusting myself more, if that makes sense. Like, obviously, you pull the room because I've always a room poller. But like today, now I rarely do that anymore.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

Yeah, because now you're through your life experience, you've got all this track record, and you're like, okay, I have the confidence to make it. And I'm trying to think now, like, so we know that at this point in our lives, being of a certain age, wink wink, um and getting older by every day. We've been fairly successful, right? Navigating, like we have time and and a track record, and we've proven ourselves to be able to trust ourselves more. I think we should be vulnerable right now, Ashley, and just say, what is something that we are toggling with, right? That we maybe are quieting our inner voice on. And I mean, I could start maybe with um with something that I think about daily. Um spill. Yeah. Well, okay. So I'm like nervous now. This one, okay, so this isn't as vulnerable as it could be, but I think it's very real. Okay. And it has been a challenge for me. I injured my back um as I was getting ready to run this half marathon back in May. And I still ran the half marathon, and it has not resolved since. I have been to a chiropractor, I've been doing stretches, I've been doing my own like at-home PT, going on walks, not running. I got a new office chair, and I know my inner voice knows all that stuff is not gonna work. And I keep trying to make it work, and I keep being like, but tomorrow it's gonna be better. Tomorrow it's gonna be better. All of a sudden I keep thinking, and here we are, two plus months post when I heard it, Ashley, and I'm like, oh, but it's just gonna figure itself out. I will get better. And this morning I went for a three-mile walk before the day started, and I don't know, more than half of it was in pain, and it was hurting more and more as I was going. And I'm like, I know my inner voice is yelling at me, like, you need to do something about this.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

Have you been to a doctor?

SPEAKER_01 12:49

Okay. This is the thing. I did book an orthopedic. Okay. And then my chiropractor was like, Well, you can go to an orthopedic, but all they're gonna do is tell you to take ibuprofen and charge you $300. And I was like, Well, they could do x-rays and an MRI and see if you have slip disc. And I don't think I do have a slip disk, but I think I wouldn't even be able to walk very well to the point where I am. But there is something going on, and so this is what I'm saying is like, and not only that, did it quiet my inner voice of I already had the appointment scheduled, and then that chiropractor said that, and then I cancel it. So now I'm still ignoring my intuition and replacing it with who I think, who I trust, who I have gone to over the years and had success navigating back challenges, but I've been four times to the chiropractor and it gets better for a little bit, and then it's right back, right? So I am like being very bold to say here, I am doing it wrong, and I need to listen to that inner voice that says you need another expert's opinion. And I'm at that point where I'm like, okay, it's time to really start listening to my inner voice. Trust it. Yeah. So that's like one example. I mean, I'm sure I could come up with like a litany of others. Have you thought of any?

SPEAKER_00 14:00

Yeah, I guess I have, but I feel like all of mine are just like on the back burner in a weird way. Like I feel like I'm so just stay-at-home momming and like, oh my god, what's for dinner? Let's go, like, and which is like literally it's the best job on earth. Like, I'm I'm so happy, but it's just it's a lot sometimes. Yeah, it takes your brain over. And like, I don't even know. I thought I was like have time, and I just don't have time. Yeah. But um, in the back of my mind is always when I go back to work, what am I gonna do? And this is one where I don't know if I could talk to anyone else about this. Like I can, but I think that you're the only one that knows.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

Correct. Knows your career, knows your skills, knows your track record, what you liked, what you didn't. Exactly. And you can't even spend so much time telling people. Right, but it's tough.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

No, have being in one field, even though it's such a broad field, marketing, my entire career. That's what I know for work. Right. And like that's what I enjoyed sometimes, sometimes not. But who enjoyed their job the whole time? But you know, it's one of those things where it's like also marketing changes so quickly, so fast, and I'm gonna be out of the game for a while, right? Um, but then I could put a chat GPT prompt in and say, What have I missed in the last two years? Give me a download and I'll just pretend like I know what the hell I'm doing. Um, but you know, it's one of those things that like that doesn't haunt me. I think that's too strong of a word, but it definitely is lingering on the back of my mind. And it's kind of one thing that this is where I'm almost thinking, now looking back on this, where I am in my life, I know this is my own choice of what I'm gonna seek to get into next. Yeah. And like people can guide you, people can say, Oh, you're so good at this. Have you thought of this? Yeah. To kind of spark your ideas, but this is something that I know it's gonna be my decision, right? And it also kind of scares the hell out of me because it's a lot of pressure.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

Yes. It's a very like lucky place to be, but it is a lot of pressure when you are like, Oh, and by the way, here's your new pen, Ashley. Please write your own destiny of your career. And it's like it's a blank page staring back at you. Right. And I do, I do think you're right in the sense of like you don't have the time to really listen to your inner voice right now, but you also aren't at the point where you have to make that decision today. And it's like, you know, so it's gonna be on the back burn. Totally. Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

But it's brewing.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

It's brewing, it's simmering.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

Kids are only getting older and going to the next year's school. So I I will go back. I just don't know what that looks like.

SPEAKER_01 16:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

Um, but I don't know. Well, let's talk about a little bit like shifting. Yes. What are some ways we can start strengthening strengthening, excuse me, our intuition? Like I we talked about, we have this advantage now. I think it's a huge advantage of knowing ourselves. Yes. We've had this more like life experience, right? We also understand like the patterns we've lived through and can experience that and recognize this is a good decision, right? Right. But how do we strengthen that on day-to-day, right? Like I know you mentioned like take some time with yourself. I think that self-reflection, self-checking in is such a skill that's underutilized for so many things in life. You know what I mean? So I guess I'll start there. Like you said, we'll reiterate that and just like I think taking that time without noise. Yeah, don't play music in the background. I have gotten into such a bad habit of like not putting in my AirPods and like doing something, but it's like I'm not thinking. I think I'm just like robotting through life, you know? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

Um, going from the one task to the next, and there's constant inputs, constant learning, constant communication, whatever that looks like.

SPEAKER_00 17:52

And like that should be maybe my reflection time. And I'm not taking advantage. What else? What do you what else do you think we can do to like strengthen our intuition?

SPEAKER_01 18:00

Yeah, it's interesting because I do think we need quiet moments in order to listen. And then I would take it that next step, which is going back a little bit to the example with with Matt, which is having an intention of what you want to hear during that time, which means if there is something that you've been back burning and it's kind of driving you nuts and scratching your brain, don't just have a quiet moment and zone out. Have a quiet moment and do some visualization, you know, do some thinking through and and, you know, even if you're just sitting down staring at the window or outside, I think nature is like so, so, so uh amazing to tap into our inner voice or something for me. They say 40% of people are inspired by nature. I definitely am one of them, but I think there's something beautiful about like, I don't know, looking at places that are bigger than yourselves and feeling a bit small and inconsequential that then even further emphasizes the how not important these decisions really are. It's a good point, you know? And so I think having perspective is helpful. Journaling can be helpful. I think, you know, even with like your career conundrum that will be approaching in the next X months or years, is that you won't know until you start doing the work, meaning the work to find the job. Right. And you may even go to a new place and find out that it's not for you and you can quit. And I think there's some real big beauty in realizing our decisions always can feel permanent, but every decision is actually temporary.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

That is beautiful, and I think that that kind of lends itself, I would say, also to your instincts in a in a way around you're making these decisions, right? That are just sort of like a fleeting moment. There's gonna always be a next decision, but sometimes you're right. Most of the times I think as we get older, we're just or and right being you're comfortable in the decision that you made. Right. And I think there's really power in owning that and making sure that you're present. Like you said, give yourself time to think and journal. I feel like I've heard so many benefits too about journaling. Yeah. And just like free, do you even like before you go to bed think of really good things like, oh, I gotta remember that. You never remember it. You never remember it. No, no, if you don't write it down, right? There's something so freeing about that and being in the moment that kind of ties you together.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

I love that. And and you know, but but I even go back to this whole don't be afraid to make a mistake. I think that this, oh, I need to make the perfect decision, or I have to make the right decision. Guess what? There can be three different right decisions. And it ultimately you could, like I said, you can make that decision. Then you can say, oh, actually, this isn't the job for me. Back to the job boards while you're still there. You know, we also have to make decisions that sometimes are based out of complete necessity in our lives. You know, maybe you're having a mental breakdown and your job is pushing you to full exhaustion. It is time to take care of yourself and figure out a way out, right? Or you really need to go back to work sooner than you thought because you got in a financial bind. Like those are out of necessity decisions. And we're not giving advice on out of necessity decisions because a lot of times these being able to listen to our inner voice comes from a place of privilege and being able to, you know, go in different directions and not have a huge risk. But I think at the end of the day, to your point, it's it does come from making moves without having the full picture. You know, even though you had your top five, even though I have a quote unquote expert in back pain telling me to not go to the orthopedic doctor, maybe he's wrong. And so I think we have to make the decision that feels right for us in the absence of the perfect decision, right? Because it actually doesn't exist. Totally. And and that's where I think that beautiful, I don't know, you ever see like those older women? I think of women particularly because it's what I tend to like uh want to embody one day. And you just see them kind of like walking around being a badass. Like maybe they've got some funky Oh, you mean us now? Oh yeah, it's us. But I'm talking about myself, but no, like they're like maybe, I don't know, owning a coffee shop and they've got this like funky jewelry, or maybe they're like running an art gallery and they've got like the big red glasses, and like they are fully themselves, right? And I think with that, what what's so amazing about it is they don't waffle like no, like maybe in your middle life or early, earlier 30s. I was a waffler. Yeah, they don't waffle, they walk with confidence, they have assertiveness in the decisions that they make. They they can quickly say yes or no, and by the way, not feel bad when they say no, right? And that I think is where I'd love to get to in my life is that where I can move through life, really trusting it, not being rude or discouraging or discounting others' feelings. Of course, I want to be a good person, but I do think that there is this moment that I hope to get to that I just feel more of myself, um, more embodying what I want to embody. And I think I am getting there. I'm getting there. Like I'm given way less Fs about what people think about me.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

And it feels like giving less Fs.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

Yes. Because by giving less Fs, we're telling ourselves, oh no, I'm okay. Yeah, I'm okay. And not everyone has to like me. And my my intuition is actually right, or I like the way I feel.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

Yes. Like literally, I just think of like my brain feels like lighter. Like it doesn't like you know what I mean? Not thinking about like this F, this F that like I don't care about the Fs. Yes. So get out of my head and space, and I'm gonna trust my instincts. And I think that's a great way to wrap us up here.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Agree.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Um, and remember, after every breakdown, don't forget the bubbles.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

And if you guys have been enjoying bubbles and breakdowns, gosh, we're coming up on a year here, and I would love to see a lot more follows, a lot more listens. So take the time today, share this with someone that you think they need to dial up their inner voice that maybe they've been shushing quite a bit, and help bolster some confidence, hope maybe spark an idea or two. That's what we're trying to do is just share our thoughts with you all. So thanks for tuning in, and we'll catch you next time. Thanks. Bye. Cheers.