This Is What Actually Changes When You Start Showing Up for Yourself

This episode is one of my favorites I’ve ever recorded.

I sat down with my client and friend Sam to talk about her journey over the past year—not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and in how she shows up in her life.

We talk about what it actually looks like to:

• Stop second-guessing every food choice
• Build confidence by keeping promises to yourself
• Go from “I don’t know what I’m doing” in the gym to feeling strong and capable
• Create structure that feels freeing, not restrictive
• Stay consistent even with a busy, social life

What I love most about Sam’s story is that nothing about it is extreme. It’s intentional, grounded, and sustainable—and that’s exactly why it works.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or like you “know what to do” but can’t seem to follow through… this conversation will hit.

I hope it gives you a new perspective on what’s actually possible for you.

Go do something today your future self will thank you for.

My Instagram: @lainijojo

My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@lainijojo 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome back to Heart Revival. I'm your host, Lainey. And today I've got such an exciting guest here. She's actually a really good friend of mine. She's a client with my online fitness coaching. And she's just someone where I know her story and her perspective are going to just speak to at least one other woman that's listening to this. So I can't wait to get into it. Um, I was gonna, Sam, you want to introduce yourself? Tell us a little bit about you. Sure.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Um, I've been working with Lainey for a year now. Yeah, so happy anniversary. And I've had such a great experience working with you.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Um I we have turned our coaching relationship into a friendship. We walk once a week and just kind of catch up and talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

I look forward to it every week. Me too. It's like an hour, hour and a half. We just fitness and health and just deep life things. And it just fills my soul every time.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

Me too. And um, I used to be a lawyer and now I work in commercial real estate and I teach fitness um yoga and a resistance training class at the yoga joint in Central Boca, West Boca, Del Rey.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Um, and I am just, I guess you could say I'm pretty devoted to wellness in general and love learning all I can about it. So it's just been such an amazing journey and ride so far.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

I feel like that's why we connect so well. Like we we were talking about this maybe two weeks ago on our walks, and we were saying for us, like wellness is just so holistic. It's the nutrition, it's the exercise, it's your mindset, it's spiritual, it's all of those things, and to be able to turn it all into a lifestyle where you truly enjoy it and you're just taking care of yourself and you're just so devoted to that. And it's just really awesome to have other people in my life that I found that value those things. Cause I feel like it's either people don't care about health and fitness in those things, and that's just not something they think about. And there's also the side where people only care about how they look and they're just obsessed with those. And that's definitely a place where I used to come from and you know, learning what I do now of, you know, understanding how do I take care of my health. Food isn't just the calories and the macros, but also the quality of the nutrients. And I'm not just trying to exercise to burn calories, but how do I work with my body with all of those and to see your perspective with those? And I think especially for you with yoga and what that's given you, and just the connection to your body and being able to just think really deeply about everything. I just I just appreciate that about you so much. And I think that's what's made it so incredible to work with you and just see all these incredible shifts and how that's just really transformed like your confidence and your body, especially too, but just your mindset with everything.

SPEAKER_04 2:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

So I would love if we could start off of where were you at before we started working together? What did your health and fitness journey look like if that was even in the picture up until that point, up until a year ago?

SPEAKER_03 3:05

Well, I grew up in a house where movement was always just a non-negotiable. And as kids, it was kind of like sports, activities, moving your body in a way that felt really like juvenile as a positive. Just and that devotion and that in being instilled in me was always a constant. So I was always active. Um, and when I was a lawyer, obviously my time was more of a commodity. So I was active when I could be, and then my nutrition, especially when I was a lawyer, was dominated by the pressures of my day. So a lot of kind of like that healthy fast food because you're in an office and this was pre-COVID. Um, so whatever the options that were available were, I would try and be healthy, but if you're not making your own food, you really don't know what's in it. And then when I transitioned to commercial real estate and had a little bit more freedom with my time, it was definitely a hurdle to figure out what that looked like. I was cooking a lot at home. Um and then about three years ago I became a fitness instructor, instructor, and I teach in the heat. So that added an element in that was completely unfamiliar to me because when I teach, I am in the class and I'm expending energy. I may not do the whole class. And so my question was kind of became how do I treat that? How do I nourish my body so I can thrive, not be so extremely tired by that extra output of energy? And then what is my own fitness regimen when I have this added demand on my time, which I love. But it was just about figuring that out. I would say like my nutrition was something I always cared about, but definitely inconsistent. I had a lot of shame around choices that I would make or choices that I would did didn't make. So whether when I ate a meal, I think I always had a follow-up spiral around was that enough? Did I eat the right things? Was that not enough? Was it it at the right time? And I didn't have certainty around my choices. And so essentially that's what it looked like for me before I started working with you. And that was really like I think weighing on me heavily and quite frustrating. Um I also feel like I put so much into teaching and it matters to me so much how I conduct myself in a class, how I inspire other people, how I keep them going. But it felt like to me, what am I doing for my own nutrition and fitness to make sure that like what I'm saying to other people is what I live by as well in every facet.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

I think that's so important. And I think what you said about just the second guessing with the nutrition when you don't really know, I think that's something that most people experience. They either just don't think about it at all. Or may I actually I would say they probably think about it a little bit, but just not as much. But I feel like so many women, especially in today's society, it is a lot around if people talk about nutrition or how you look or being fit and like losing weight and all of those kinds of things. But if someone doesn't understand nutrition, no matter what you do, there's just this was that enough? Like, was that too much? And just so much stress and just focus on that and being able to get to the point like where you are now where you understand how to treat your body. And I love that your lens has always been, I want to nourish my body. Yeah, you know, it was from that, like I want to do right by my body, not necessarily needing to restrict and from this negative lens. I think that's been really helpful for you as we worked together because it was pretty easy for you to get to that point. And we add in, you know, understanding macros and the tracking and that little bit of structure. Yeah. And instead of that structure feeling restrictive like it was putting you in a cage, the structure felt supportive.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

So you finally were like, okay, I can I can support my body. I know what to do. I feel so confident in this. And food just gets to be this thing that helps you live this vibrant life and you get to enjoy your enjoy your life and enjoy all these experiences in this body that you're working so hard for.

SPEAKER_05 7:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

So with the yoga as well, I would love to kind of touch on this because I I found when we first started working together, because you'd never lift, you didn't lift a whole lot before we started. So actually, let's start there. When did you start lifting weights?

SPEAKER_03 7:32

I mean, if I was in a class, I would lift weights.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:36

But machines in the gym had no idea how they worked. Was always intimidated by that. Like I belonged to gyms, but that was just not an area that I would set foot in. I would do the cardio machines or the dumbbells if I felt brave that day. Yeah. And never super heavy, right? Never super heavy. Never. Okay. So that was my experience with weights. Like I obviously knew resistance training was important.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

Um, but I had no idea where to start with self-guided training.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

So, okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

So then we got into weightlifting. And the cool thing is we've trained in person a couple times, but otherwise it's been virtual. Yeah. Of like doing this, you know, set, well, the form check videos or just kind of talking through all of that. So I'd actually love to hear how was your experience with that been?

SPEAKER_01 8:23

With training?

SPEAKER_00 8:24

Yeah, with training, not having me, because I feel like a lot of people will say, Well, I need a trainer in person all the time, pushing me, teaching me, and for you to be able to have this confidence in yourself of I can figure this out. And I do my best to give you all the knowledge and information that you need to learn. I've taught a lot of clients virtually how to, if they've even never had any experience.

SPEAKER_03 8:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:46

But like, how has that been for you?

SPEAKER_03 8:49

It's been really empowering. I mean, you mentioned yoga at the beginning of you asking this question. And I think, I mean, yoga gives us so many gifts, and it's something that is a big part of my life. But in this context, one of the gifts it gave me was like I could feel the different parts of my body that were supposed to be worked by these movements. And so my mind to muscle connection was already honed because yoga, you strip everything down. Like you're supposed to feel these things and you're supposed to be present with yourself and you're supposed to use the practice as a mirror. So maybe what's coming up is physical, maybe what's coming up is emotional, maybe what's coming up is just energetic, but you observe and you accept without judgment. And so that was a really great tie-in to working with you because even if the movements of the program felt like, oh, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know how heavy to lift, I could rely on my body and what I felt as my barometer of am I lifting too heavy? Is this too many reps? Or just as I went to know when to stop. And then the things that felt overwhelming, I mean, thank God we live in the same place that we can train and you can look, you can form check me in person. And those training sessions have helped me when a particular day um or new exercises have felt like I needed that extra guidance.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Yeah. And it I was shocked at first because with things like RDLs, for example, people usually take a long time to figure those out. I have clients where they've been lifting for years and years and years and never really focus on the form and that connection. So we're having to strip it back and it takes a lot of time. So when I asked you how it felt, and you're like, yeah, no, I feel my glutes. Yeah, yeah, no, I feel this one, I feel this one. I was like, no way.

SPEAKER_03 10:33

Well, keep in mind, because I do teach resistance with lighter weights. Yeah. So I already knew the movements of the form. It was just that I was lifting way heavier. Yeah. So that form was something that stayed constant. And my form dropped, I knew, okay, it was too heavy. But I was able to push myself because I knew the framework I was supposed to be moving within for different movements.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

Yeah. And you had such a base and you just trusted yourself. I I can I can do this and I can trust my body, I think is a big thing for you. You can trust yourself and you can trust your body. And you have progressed so fast. And it's just been really cool, especially when I do see you in person. And I feel like we all like hold ourselves back a little bit. We're like, I don't really know what I'm capable of. And then you have someone there to just push you a little bit harder. But even when I watch you train or I push you, you are so intentional with how you do the movements. And I think that's been a massive driver of this change that we've seen and how much stronger that you've gotten and the muscle that you've built in this time frame. Like you've progressed really fast in a year and the changes that we've seen, and just you having that foundation and just really focusing on that foundation. Like that's where I always have to bring clients back to when we start. It's like, hey, whether you've done this before or you don't, we gotta make sure that that's really strong. And for you having that, that just set us up for such a phenomenal spot. And I think that's also what's allowed you to really enjoy weightlifting. Yeah. Like you look forward to your sessions. It's very like, even if it's a hard day, it's like cathartic for you to be able to go and move your body and release those. And I feel like for a lot of people, the gym or exercise can feel really intimidating or like a lot of pressure, like they just don't want to. Their mindset is I have to and this sucks and this is painful and this is hard. And I feel like you just embrace that in it and you see it in a different way. So I'm curious of what kind of goes through your head when you are like actually excited to go work out, or you're, let's say it's like a leg press or Bulgarian, or one of the really hard exercises I put in your program, and you're truly pushing yourself to that point. Like, what's going on in your head?

SPEAKER_03 12:32

Well, I'm not excited to work out every day every day. None of us are, which we were, but it's just since working with you, it's just become a non-negotiable. Yeah. It's like, do I have to walk my dog today? Yeah, I do. And I don't, I don't get the option. And that's what working out has become for me. It's something I know for sure. Whether I walk into the gym feeling not great or I walk in feeling great, I'm gonna feel exponentially better when I walk out. So that certainty is something I can rely on. And I think the process has been congruence. I signed on to work with you, and part of working with you is hitting certain milestones. It's making sure I'm doing all my lifts for the week. It's making sure I'm tracking my macros and getting my steps and drinking my water. And if I say I'm gonna do that thing and then I do it, then that essentially like lays a foundation for whatever's coming the next day, and then the next day, and then the next day, and that becomes that internal driver of confidence, of certainty, of congruence because I care about my wellness. So, what I'm doing every day, my habits reinforce that. They everything's sending me in the direction I want to go, whether it's external, whether it's actions, whether it's integrity, whether it's values, all those things align and point in the same direction, which to me is kind of like the vital way for me to live a life in the light.

SPEAKER_00 14:05

With all with working together, especially in the first couple of months, like you would just start to make comments in your check-in. I'd ask, you know, how are we doing mentally? Like, what are some wins? And you just the this theme of the confidence was just something that continued to come up and just how you carry yourself and how you navigate situations. And do you believe it's maybe like was it the weightlifting? Was it the structure? Was it showing up for yourself? Was there anything specific or accumulation of multiple different things that you felt just gave you this confidence in yourself?

SPEAKER_03 14:39

It was so many things that converged. I think what stands out for me is like you said that structure that you gave me through coaching and guidance, it stopped being restrictive and it started to be something that was like encouraging in a way forward. So living in that structure for me has been incredibly beneficial. It made it gave me certainty. So in every context, it gave me certainty that what I was choosing to eat, how I was choosing to move was getting me to a goal. Also it was serving my body, also it was serving my mind. So moving through every day, knowing that I'm doing the things that the program has set for me, that instilled me with confidence. Obviously, the physical changes instill you with confidence, like we would be remiss not to mention that. But internally, there's just kind of like something that locks in where you I mean, for example, with food, like I said, I would always have so much noise after I had a meal. Did I eat enough? Was it the right thing? Could I have done better? Why would I make that choice? Or if I felt like I didn't make the right choice for a meal, then I was like, oh, my whole day shot. I don't have that anymore. I don't have that noise. I can make choices and I can plan my day accordingly, and I don't need to look back over my shoulder. That frees up so much mental health. It totally does. And that instills you with confidence because you have that bandwidth and you're like, okay, I had my meal, I tracked it, I know it's good. What am I doing next? Like, how can I move through my day? And so you get confidence from all of the above, and then you get confidence being on the program one month, two months, three months, like now I'm at a year, and you see the strides that you make in a year, you look back on like the highlights, the lowlights, because we all have them, and you go through these things knowing that even like a bad check-in, you know, if I considered a check-in bad, I got through it. And it's like it's not all gonna be sunshine and rainbows, but that's okay, that's life. And I think it's just overall such a confidence booster to make a decision that helps you reach goals, whatever they might be, and then to continue down that path, knowing that like you're moving towards greater things because as humans, that change for the good is something that like is our destiny, like we're all supposed to evolve, all supposed to grow, and get better, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:07

You mentioned so I you're also very organized, like myself. You came with like your notes with your beautiful handwriting, and I was like, I'm in the same way. Um, so you mentioned like the structure, and I feel like a lot of people either just don't innately have that. I think we are both a little bit type A, just a little bit. Uh, but even people who aren't like my husband is very type B and he's getting structure and it's actually serving him really well. So I'd be curious to hear whether it's with health and fitness or you're also just a very busy human with the structure, how how you go about that, what you find to be helpful, especially in a way that it truly feels supportive versus restrictive.

SPEAKER_03 17:44

I think just getting a sense of your day and your week and how long things will take. Like, what are the blocks I can fit my workout in? What are the blocks I can fit my walk in? I have a dog, make steps super easy. Right? I don't have to, I have to get a certain amount of steps anyway. Yeah. Um I think I don't always do this, but planning your macros at least one day in advance, if not three days. And then once you once you infuse your days with that thinking and once you start to plan ahead in that way, it becomes so second nature. Like, for example, for me, if I travel and I told you this, yeah, like I am going to make sure that my travel is optimized. I'm not gonna stop the program and I will find a gym and I will make sure I have what I need to hit my macros. But if I have two plane days and I know that getting to the gym on those days is just not something that I want on my plate, I am gonna make sure that I am as far along in my week as I can be, even if that means I'm not taking a rest day. And then I set myself up for success and I'm not backtracking, I'm not trying to fill anything in. I'm not I'm not like upset with myself. So I think it's planning in advance. Um I think it's making sure, especially with nutrition, that you have staples that you just return to over and over again to go into the grocery store can be just like autopilot almost. Yeah, yeah, obviously, you're gonna get sick of certain meals and you want to add in a new meal. Yeah, but when I go to the grocery store, I'm pretty much getting the same stuff. And if I run out, then I run in for that one thing that I need to make sure I have so my days can be set up with success. Um I think for me, like my circadian rhythm is something that I rely on because my sleep hygiene is really important to me. If I don't have enough sleep one day, I know it's gonna be harder for me to like feel good in my workout. Hopefully it only lasts one day, but like getting into bed at a certain time and getting up at a certain time and really relying on the level headedness and that evenness that I can approach the next day with because my sleep was so good. That really helps. I think in a certain way within the structure, because if you are consistent, then you notice the difference between how you feel on a day when you're tired, or maybe you're a little bit emotionally drained, or maybe you're distressful versus a day where you feel like you're gonna dodge. And on those days where you want to pull back a little bit, you pull back and you give yourself grace and you understand that a new day is coming tomorrow, and you might feel completely different the next day. But to have the structure, the container to move through your life in gives you that comparison. That's also something that you like home in yoga because if you're practicing on your mat regularly, you might understand how you feel different from yesterday to today, and you give yourself raised. It's not a judgment opportunity, it is just like an argument that things affect me. I have to process through them. It doesn't mean I just drop everything and go live by the end drop the light. It's an opportunity for you to recognize, take what you need, and understand there's a new day the next day. And that's also something that the program taught. It's like you don't screw up and then just throw everything off the balcony. If you don't have a great day, it's okay. Tomorrow's a new day, and you just get right back on the program.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Yeah, I'm so big on that. Like this, none of this happens in a vacuum. Like we've got real life, and you've got real a human body, and we've got like hormones and emotions and travel and work and stress and family, we all the things. So we have a set plan that gives us that support, that gives us that structure. And being able to have these habits and these routines that you have, like really sets you up for success, not only in your fitness journey, but just to feel grounded. Like, I think that's something that the part of why I just love being in your energy. It's a very grounded energy. I think yoga helps with that and your routines and the way that you go about your life helps you just try to feel as best as you can in your brain and your body. And like you're saying, when you intentionally try to feel as good as you can, number one, you're like, I never. want to go back again because I have that stark contrast of oh I really don't feel good when this happens. But then again, like what to your point, like what you said, you can tell when something's a little bit off and you can check in with yourself a little bit more of okay, where is this coming from? What do I actually need right now? How can I support my body? And it's there's no judgment in it. It's just I just get to observe and just see realistically, is there anything I can change? Is there anything I can do different? Or maybe I just didn't get as good a sleep or my period's coming up and I'm just gonna ride this out and do the best that I can today and know that's absolutely enough. And I get to go into the next day tomorrow and maybe I try to get to bed a little bit earlier, but just not putting that pressure on ourself.

SPEAKER_04 22:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

And I think for you, you've really mastered that flexibility. Like you are very social and you do travel a lot. And for you to be able to like you mentioned you've got some travel days coming up. So you adjusted those to be your rest days and you change your training days and you didn't miss a beat. You're like, this is just how it's gonna be I'm not gonna, you know, sacrifice if I realize I can get this in that's really important to me. Or even when you travel being able to set yourself up for success with nutrition, even if the people around you don't eat the exact same way or they don't exercise the same way. And I think that's something else that I really admire with you because I've been the same way with that for as long as I can remember. And that's kind of weird or different I should say because a lot of people if they want to do something different with their nutrition or their workouts than somebody else, they almost think well I can't do that. And the way that I always frame this is well you're not going to ask them like I need you to track your macros and hit my amount of protein I need you to do my workout with me. I need you to do the XYZ and make them follow your plan exactly right. And people like the it's like well if you just completely skip the gym and you completely neglect your nutrition and you completely neglect all those, you're now getting rid of yours to do exactly what they do. Yeah. And you didn't ask them to do exactly like we don't it doesn't have to be like that. We can do completely different things and we can still just exist and be together and have these memories in this relationship. Is that something that you've always been like where like I'm just gonna do what I need or has that changed as you've kind of grown in your fitness journey that's your health journey it is for sure it's changed for sure.

SPEAKER_03 24:19

I think it was really hard for me to do that. I would say my first introduction to something like that that was similar to the program with like with consumption was almost four over four years ago now I stopped drinking alcohol just kind of out of a realization that it wasn't really something I wanted to keep in my life. I didn't love the way that it made me feel and I kind of just like didn't put pressure on myself and thought okay if I stop drinking altogether will I miss it and I think the only thing that kept me ordering that glass of wine at dinner was if I was at dinner with someone else and they ordered a glass of wine then I would feel really weird not. And I didn't miss alcohol when I stopped drinking it. And initially you get comments from people because they're used to you ordering the drink if they're gonna order the drink. And those comments kind of go in one ear and out the other over time. And so that was something that I was very comfortable being individualistic about. And then when I started working with you um it helped that I have like a very close friend who also does a program like this. I have an ally who I can talk to about the ins and the outs and she understands completely. Yeah. So that's a huge support for me. But also this is an individual unique decision. Nutrition and fitness are completely personal to the individual yeah we all are different heights we all have different weights we all have different muscle composition we all have different like fat percentage in our bodies people may be on medication people have medical conditions like everybody is so unique. So what works for me is not going to work for you vice versa. And I think that there is this like herd or pack mentality with nutrition. Maybe you're riding like the waves of social media and what you see on social media you try and replicate replicate. Or maybe it's kind of like that three full meals a day and that's what you've always adhered to but as you get older like as I've gotten older I realize one size does not fit all in this realm and my choices are for me. So if I'm at dinner with five other people and they're all sharing and I'm not and I get something that fits within my macros if those people like truly love and support me they're gonna be like oh why not in a not in a way that makes me feel bad but in a way that's just like oh they're curious right and if they're not interested in nutrition and fitness fine it doesn't matter but it's more just like everyone should be able to do what they want and feel supported doing it. And I think that that's an ideal thing to say that's an idealistic thing to say. Yeah I think for me working with you was a decision that I did not make lightly and it felt I felt so frustrated with how I was choosing to eat how I was choosing to move how is how I was choosing to rest and replenish I was gonna put the time into fitness for sure and I was going to put the time into like the mental energy and wondering if what I ate was always right. Yeah. So why wouldn't I take the step to do it under the guidance of someone who knows what they're doing. And I knew that it was going to be a big change but what comes with it is kind of like you're walking your own path because you want something different for yourself. And what comes with it is you gotta drown out the noise. You're gonna get comments that's fine. A lot of times those comments might be made casually and it's not necessarily that they're ill meaning it's just people are used to things being a certain way and it highlights the habits that they might be insecure about because we all have those. And like I said like if you are doing what you set out to do then you are acting in accordance with the values that you're trying to uphold and as you build those skills those comments become less and less consequential because what you eat affects no one but you you.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

Nope I've been saying that since college I remember that's when I started to really want to eat healthier and I'd be sitting with friends at the dining hall and they'd be eating I don't know like burgers whatever it was and they would make comments of oh you're probably judging me for this and I was like I'm gonna be honest I'm not it's not going in my body I don't care.

SPEAKER_03 29:14

You do what makes you happy I have no opinions on what you put in your body and I think it's also we all struggle with our relationship with food because every human has a relationship with food. Yeah and how we eat defines how we think about ourselves to a certain extent tracking macros is definitely kind of something that can rub people the wrong way but if you put food on your plate you are counting in some way shape or form whether it's one slice of bread whether it's one piece of chicken or two pieces of chicken and so what's the difference in weighing your food or understanding portions or writing it down or putting it in an app right like it's like we all count because it's just a natural thing to do. And so I just find that it's kind of like if this works for if this is like my lane and this is what works for me and I thrive in the structure and sometimes people ask me about the program and I'm like listen it may not be for everyone but this structure is what works for me. Some people eat intuitively some people focus on only whole foods some people intermittent fast some people only eat like certain types of protein or they're vegan or they're vegetarian and what works for that person is amazing right and so it's just kind of like if my friend who doesn't eat meat is not going to order meat and share a plate with me then why is it different if I want to track my macros and I order something that they wouldn't eat as well. Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

Yeah and I think with with the tracking the food and tracking the macros where a lot of that comes from and I can definitely speak for myself with having a terrible relationship with food and terrible introduction with even the idea of tracking in calories and it was all about restriction to being as low as possible and from this place of I need to restrict and shrink my body and I'll never be good enough until that happens that absolutely creates this terrible relationship with tracking and that turns people off. And for me at least just for me I I was not okay with that. I was like if if I just say I will never track again food will always have this hold over me. I'm always going to second guess was that enough? Like was that too much I didn't want that. I wanted that piece of knowing I truly know how to take care of my body and give it what it needs and take the emotion out of it and take the judgment and the numbers are helpful to understand what your body needs. Because if you're severely under overeating that turns into some problems whether it's the calories or the macros and being able to have this perspective of I'm not judging myself. I am just truly learning what that looks like finally to give my body what it needs. Yeah. And not always just going off of emotion sometimes we do. And not always just going off of pure pleasure and sometimes we do. But being able to have that middle ground and learning because the portion that works for you is different than what works for me is very different than what works for my professional bodybuilder husband who's like two times our size. And learning what that looks like while you're tracking you get to see when I'm putting together a meal like the meals that you eat now are different than what you would have eaten a couple years ago. And it's gonna serve your body a lot better now because you learn what that actually looks like. And then you get to go into situations where you're not tracking and you say, oh my gosh, I know what to do. Yeah. I trust myself I'm not gonna second guess I'm not gonna spiral I just get to pick the thing that whether I want to indulge whether I want to maybe be something a little bit more nourishing and I can trust myself that it's not going to be all or nothing. I'm going to eat to the point where I feel satisfied and then I can just be done and I know how to navigate the rest of the day and I just get to move on with the next day of my life and I don't get the stress and like I don't know about you but that has been the most freeing thing ever. Because absolutely like the knowledge and the structure is what gives you freedom and the very thing that for me caused a lot of stress and a lot of fear when I went just into that and I said I refuse to let this hold this fear over me that like changed everything. I know for me. So that's why I'm so like I I want to make sure people aren't needing to be super rigid with it. But then when we are being consistent like we we're going at it with this positive mindset that you have of I'm nourishing my body I'm learning what that looks like and I'm able to balance I get to enjoy the food and I also get to have the the kind of knowledge behind it.

SPEAKER_03 33:49

Well last night I actually it was I went on a walk with a friend and I still had some macros left over and I came home and it was still like it was like 6 30 and I had friends staying in my house like a couple weeks ago and they left this huge Costco size container of these like mini Hagendaz bars in my freezer. Okay. And I was like I wonder and it fit within my macros. So I had like a tiny I had like one of them and it fully fit within my macros I didn't think about it again. Like if I came if that happened before I started working with you I would have had it gone to my like into my bed and and thought about it for like half an hour before I went to bed. Could I have had that was that too much did I eat too close to bedtime and it was like I knew it fit in my macros I tracked it and then I was like okay I have peace of mind my macros are completely done for the day and I was curious about whether I could have it and I could so it night and day it takes the the good and bad off of food because it's just food there's no moral.

SPEAKER_00 34:55

Yeah and with the tracking what it also allows is getting rid of the all or nothing so you if you want the treat you can absolutely have the treat how do you fit it in and one way that I like to think about this is say you ask your mom, hey mom, can I go play with the neighbor she's like of course just finish your homework first. It's like yeah you can do it you just make sure you do the thing that you need make sure you get your body what it needs and then you absolutely can have those foods that you want. And I think the other thing and that like I encouraged you and all my clients like go take a I call it like a free meal or an untracked meal.

SPEAKER_04 35:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:28

And if if you want to you don't have to but go out to eat and we're not gonna track we're not gonna bring a food scale we're not gonna put it in my fitness pal. We're just gonna go and we're gonna trust ourselves that I know how to navigate the situation if I want it to be a little bit more fun like a burger and fries. Yeah I can eat that. I know how to navigate the rest of the day before that. I know how to not let me spiral and it's not going to be this thing where I'm gonna obsess over it in my head or I'm gonna feel like I need to go balls to the walls because I felt so restricted before. So you can actually live your life and then we are go back to being consistent with the rest of the the week and then we have that time where we can have that flexibility and we really can enjoy our life in this body that we're working so hard for. Yeah. So I'd love to hear because I don't know if that was your approach with eating out and stuff before um but because you do eat out and you are like social and you go do a lot of things like that. Like I'd love to just kind of hear like your mindset like how that how that is for you.

SPEAKER_03 36:25

I'm selective with when I take my untracked meals um if if I'm not if I'm going out to eat and I'm not taking an untracked meal I'm selective with where I'll eat and I look at the menu before and I plan out what I'm having. And I feel like before if I said okay I'm going out to eat but I'm gonna eat healthy and I know what I'm eating because I'll always look at the menu before even before I start started working. Yeah. You want to make sure you're gonna like what you're gonna get yeah but if I was with a friend and they'd be like oh let's share and I'd cave and I'd say yeah let's share or let's say like I didn't perceive that I ate healthy enough or I didn't eat what I had planned to eat because it wasn't on I didn't have that structure then I'd be like well screw it you know I didn't I failed myself so now I'm gonna punish myself maybe I'd have a bite of dessert or maybe I'd whereas now if I know I'm taking it untracked that's planned ahead of time. It's not on the fly and when I go out to eat and I've selected and tracked and entered it I'm not I'm not messing with that. And it's I don't have noise around it. It's just a privilege to get to eat out in a restaurant I don't have to cook this meal I get to be in good company and I like the things that I pick that are healthier. I'm not eating boiled chicken to make my macros I still like the things that I select from a menu or in my home and I enjoy eating them. So it doesn't feel like oh I'm forced to have this it's more like this is my choice whether it is tracked or whether I'm tracking it and you can very easily track at restaurants as long as you ask for you know the modifications that are necessary or you have a conception of what you're ordering and what's in it. Statehouses are super easy so easy so easy sushi is really easy and I find people to like people if you're going out they tend to make more copy than not if you have a preferred preference if you have a preference for sushi people are always like let's do it you know and it's a lot scarier in your mind to make the adjustments to your life and track macros than it is in reality.

SPEAKER_00 38:49

I feel like a lot of people are scared to speak up for what they what they want thinking that they'll either be judged or that it's a burden for saying hey I actually could we go to this restaurant like they have you know steak or whatever that it's delicious. You know it makes me feel good when I eat it. It's not just that it fits your macros it's like I enjoy it and it I feel good after I eat it not like that kind of sick to your stomach kind of feeling and being able hey would you would you like to go to this place? I do that and sometimes you're like no I really want to go here I'm like okay sure we can compromise but just being able to speak up or if you're ordering something saying like I always say either no or very light oil and butter partially because of all of the extra calories that aren't necessary but also I don't know about you but I don't feel good when I have so much oil and grease and things like that. Like I just physically feel sick. And for me if I'm eating something even if it is something a little bit more fun I want to feel good after I eat it because to me and this is something that I struggled with before when I did struggle with eating a lot of not great foods and my relationship with food and binging and overeating but you would eat the food that tasted good but you feel bad after and it kind of canceled it out and you'd stress about it and you're like I don't feel good after eating this. So it was only pleasurable in the moment versus if you can say I'm either going to pick foods that really make me feel good and it's maybe going to be a little bit healthier a little bit more nourishing for your body you find ones that taste good and you feel good and it's a net positive. Or even if you are going to have let's say it's a burger or fries, you're mindful of okay if I have a lot of dairy I'm not gonna feel good so I'm gonna limit that one. Or if I have a massive basket of fries, I'm not gonna feel that good. So I'm gonna limit it. So it still can taste good and I feel good afterwards. And then it's a net positive again. And that relationship with food of like I want it to make me feel good just like a relationship with a person you want to make you want them to make you feel good when you're with them, when you leave that interaction. So I think and I think you share the same kind of sentiment around food too of like what you pick and how much you have of it and it's never out of this restrictive lens it's truly a I just want to do right by myself and by my body.

SPEAKER_03 41:01

I think it's really easy to lose sight of the fact that you're consuming something to put in your body and there's a reference a reverence for that right like everything is so instant gratification. You can get food on your doorstep that you did not cook in 20 minutes if you want it and so it's easy not to think about the fact that we're putting this into our bodies and you know your body is a is an actual temple. Like it is and it seeps into how you move through the world how you feel in your body how you move in your body how you think how your brain works how yeah how your brain works it affects everything and I think that that's something that I've learned through working with you is these habits that affect our physical appearance or how we feel physically have a massive influence on how we feel mentally emotionally energetically even like the fact as simple as okay if you build muscle you're going to be more stable as you walk on a sidewalk you're gonna be more mobile you're gonna have better balance you're gonna have more stability and like at our age we don't think about that because we don't have to but it is a gift that we all take for granted and I think the older I get the more I realize like the simple things are the things that invigorate me the most they bring me the most vitality and I think that structure brings allows me to keep my feet on the on the ground in that way. What am I putting in my body? How am I moving my body? How hard am I pushing my body? How do I feel commensurate to how I hardly push my body how am I resting? How am I recovering? And sometimes that means like I didn't plan today to be a rest day but like I really don't feel great. So the day later in the week that was supposed to be my rest day is not my rest day anymore. And that's a conscientious intentional decision. You become way more intentional with everything you do in your life because if you are prioritizing movement you have less time if you are tracking your macros you have to plan ahead what you're eating if you know you need to get eight hours of sleep then you need to be in bed by a certain time. If you know you need to get up early to go to the gym then you don't have that time later in the day that's like an intentional choice that is going to make you feel good. And so all of these things don't become a wait and see in the moment they become planned in a way that allows you to really like have that freedom.

SPEAKER_00 43:48

Yeah and just maximize your life and how you feel and I'm sure some people are hearing this and they're like I am not that structured and I do not see exercising and eating healthy and doing that that way. And I Don't think that is the norm. Like, I see more and more people being more aware of those and wanting to take care of their body and take care of their mind a little bit more. But in case there's either anybody listening to this and they're like, I don't know about that, that does not sound like I would enjoy my life at that point. Or maybe people want that and they're trying to learn. Like, how has that made your life better? Why do you care about that so much? Why are you not just like, I'm just gonna eat whatever, not exercise, like F it.

SPEAKER_03 44:28

I think being in your body and feeling comfortable in your body is a gift that you cannot replicate. And I say that as someone who was not in my body for years and didn't even understand the concept of feeling in your body. And maybe I had like a very palpable taste of that when I'm on my yoga mat and I am flowing from pose to pose, and I'm timing my inhales and my exhales with each loop I make on the mat. But that feeling would end the second my class was over. Um and I think just having that gift is it definitely takes work and that devotion to the habit. But to have that undeniable comfort physically as you move through the world, it's so funny because I was showing um my progress photos to someone I'm very close with. This was a couple months back, and I never even look at them. Like I take them and I put them in my hidden folder on my phone. And the picture of me from day one of working with you, my shoulders were like this. Yeah. And I think this was when I was still in my cut that I showed her. Like that was what that was like the progress picture from that day. And even just like how I held my body and put my shoulders back, it was, and she pointed it out. She said, Whoa, look at your posture. Even your posture is completely different. So that's that's a physical, that's a physical effect, obviously. But the confidence, the certainty, for me, alignment and congruence is just really important. Um, I know we were talking about this the other day, but that kind of ties into like my astrology, which obviously you know I'm very into. But what matters to me internally, my values, if I'm not living those values, then I move through the world in shape. And that's just something I've learned about myself over time. A lot of like self-study uh and experience. And so this program has given me that through line between my values and my habits and my like my strength that I build because of that through line. So that I would say is like a huge, a huge draw to doing the work. And it's like, yeah, I'm a year in with you, and I can say all this with confidence now. But I've told you this, and you know the day I signed up with you until the first day of my program when I got a sense of like, okay, A, B, C, D, this is what I need to do. I was terrified. Terrified. Can I do this? If I fail, how disappointed in myself will I be? It will wreck me. It is really scary to move out of your comfort zone. And it's also really scary when you do it and you take and you take a bet on yourself because you don't want to let yourself down. You can't hide from that. But I think a little bit of fear and going out of your comfort zone is like the spot that you should be in if you want to grow, if you want to evolve. Absolutely. If as you get older and have more lived experience, you want to refine and double down on the things that matter to you. And if you're curious at all about your well-being, your wellness, your health, your longevity, your vitality, your stability, your balance, like all these things tie into working with you. Plus, you're never going to be able to build muscle this effectively as this moment right now. The present moment is all we have, right? So I think that tied into me wanting to work with you. I was like, I'm never as young and vital as I'm going to be in this moment. So why it's time for me to do something about that, to move to build muscle. And I think like working in fitness, you see, like I have people coming to my classes who are easily in their 60s and 70s, and they have amazing muscle tone and they're vibrant. You would never know their age. They could be they're ageless because they are so invested in themselves. And it is a beautiful thing to see that. Just like the light that reflects off of them in the room. And it's like when I'm 60 and 70, I want to be in that room. I want to be in that mind space, in that physical body where I can still I can still move and I can still rely on the fact that like my habits created that. Like, how beautiful is that to get to that age and be like, wow, I've taken care of myself to the to the point where it's like maybe I'm still growing muscle and I look even better than I did 20 years ago, right? Like it ties into all of that mental, physical, energetic. And I just think it's kind of like it's so inspiring, and it is so hopeful and wonderful to live and to know that like each day, each week, each month, each year, you can be better comprehensively than the last. And like that to me is really just like gets me going. That's that's like that's a very big motivator for me.

SPEAKER_00 49:56

Yeah, and I feel like it's so funny what you said of how people are like scared to go outside of their comfort zone because they're scared to like bet on themselves and like potentially fail or be like, am I good enough? But I think the irony in that is if you don't, you did fail yourself because you have this thought in your mind of what you're capable of, this dream, this goal that you have, it's there for a reason. You wouldn't think that if it wasn't capable. And the cool thing is you get to that goal and you realize, holy crap, I'm capable of even more than that. But if you never let yourself go for it, you automatically fail. Yeah. Like the shame that you would maybe feel from failing of trying, at least you tried. And if you never move forward and you never reach it, the shame of like, I'm not taking care of myself, you know, I don't feel very good. And like that eats away at you, or at least for me it did. And the people that I talk to, it just eats away at you. And you're like, I know that I deep down deserve more, but I'm so scared to give myself more. But either way, it's gonna be hard. And if you have this growth mindset of what you have, of you know, the growth literally happens outside your comfort zone, whether that's with lifting, you have to get uncomfortable to grow muscle or anything in life. If you want to grow in your career, you got to go somewhere where you're like, I don't know what's going on, I gotta learn all the things. And if you go at it into this mindset of, I'm okay that I'm bad right now. I'm beginning. That's the point. Yeah. Like when you first put your kid on a bicycle, you're not gonna put them on a two-wheel bicycle and they just go. They're on a, they're on a tricycle, they get on the normal bike, they fall off, they gotta keep trying. And it's so funny because as a kid, we don't think anything of it. We're like, I'm literally bad at everything, and I'm just trying to figure the world out. And then at some point we become an adult, and it's this this fear of being bad and of failing and trying and being seen as someone of who, God forbid, actually tries and has to learn a few times with it. But when you have this mindset of how what you have, um, or the way that I have in myself now, like it just becomes so much more enjoyable to have these hard things and to step forward into it and to have that fear, like what you said you had, and to be like, I'm just gonna do it anyway.

SPEAKER_04 52:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:02

Because while that sounds a little bit scary, I'm sick of being where I'm at right now. I know that I can have more. So I'm gonna just frick around and find out and see what I'm capable of.

SPEAKER_03 52:14

Yeah, and also working with you, you tailor make a program for the person. It's not one size fits all again. If someone's comfortable with a certain aspect, you're gonna push them to move further in. If let's say someone's like lifting and form is still being is still kind of like something they're working on, then you're not gonna give them harder movements. You're gonna allow them to have the time to really ease into it, to understand all these parts of it. And we progress at a rate that is like internal to us, and that's a beautiful thing. You don't need to do you don't need to go like a hundred percent right off the bat. It is progressive, and I think also it's just like it's so enriching to understand that like you can pass see the progress week over week. I think something else that is so vital. It's hard to check in with yourselves, with ourselves in general. Like, life is busy and you don't wake up in the morning and think, how am I feeling today? Let me like pair it back and really take this time. Most people wake up and they got 20 minutes to get to work and they just have to figure it out. And what I love about like the weekly check-ins that I have with you is it's not only a pulse check on nutrition, fitness, steps, digestion, energy, stress, sleep. It's more like, how did you feel? What were your wins this week? And sometimes I'm in a check-in and I'm like, I think I've had a normal week, and then I'm like, wait, this week was really hard. And it takes me the seven days to get to the point where I'm feeling it out, and I'm like, oh, I did all these things and I had all this stress that I just pushed through because I'm in survival mode, but I'm taking a moment here to reflect on it and to understand that even in this context, I did the best I could. And that also contributes to like that sense of confidence and that sense of well-being because you realize like there are gonna be easier weeks than others, there are gonna be harder weeks than others, but your dedication to yourself stays consistent, and that's not the thing that wavers. It's like you can weather the storm and you can enjoy the highs in in the framework of that structure.

SPEAKER_00 54:35

I think that reflection part is so important, and that's something that I hope when a client moves on from working with me that they keep that in some capacity. And maybe it's not, you know, taking their progress photos and doing things on necessarily like a weekly basis, but being able to have those checkpoints and say, I actually have a goal I'm working towards right now, and where am I at in that? Am I honestly giving myself that effort? Or maybe the goal is just to maintain and get through a crazy season? Am I honestly supporting myself the best that I can? Or where are areas that I struggled? What could I maybe do to help myself better the next time? And there's no judgment, everything is just data, and we get to step back from it objectively. Not that subjective, but the objectively you'll just look back and say, hey, how am I doing? Is there something I'm crushing right now? Let me give myself some credit for that because I think that's something at least a lot of high performers are really bad at. Yeah, they set the bar really high and they just get they get that, but they're like, Well, I just expected myself to get there and maybe it could have been better. And like, yes, everything could have been a little bit better, but like we're not shooting for perfection. Perfection doesn't exist. I say that all the time, it only exists in your head. So for you to be able to say, I'm actually gonna give myself so much credit because maybe I can perfectly nail my macros every day. We also don't need to. But the fact that I had the travel or the stress or whatever going on, and I still feel so good with the choices I made, or maybe there is one where I was, I didn't feel I was equipped to make that choice. We just reflect and say, what's one thing I could have done differently in the next situation that I would want to do? And then you're able to equip yourself, and I call it your tool belt or your toolbox, and you just built another tool that you can put in there. So your future self, when she's in another situation like that, she feels confident that she has what she needs to handle that.

SPEAKER_05 56:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:17

And it's always thinking of that future self. Like you're taking care of your current view, you now. And maybe it's not always doing the most pleasurable thing. Maybe it is doing something that's hard, like I don't really want to go do leg day, but it is leg day, so I'm gonna go, partially because I want the results from that, but also also because of the integrity of I said I was going to, and I want to be someone who can keep my word and go do hard things. And I'm doing that partially for my future self, but also for my current self because I know what she needs is just confidence in herself. And a quote that I love from Alex Hermozzi, you know who that is. So it's something along the lines of confidence is not built from shouting affirmations in the mirror, but by stacking undeniable proof that you are who you say you are, outwork yourself doubt. And I think before that would not have resonated with me, but now it absolutely does. Because for me, if I'm gonna stick to my nutrition or I'm gonna stick to my workouts or whatever those things are, it's not because I feel like I quote unquote have to. Yeah. It's because number one, they make me feel amazing physically, but just mentally, knowing I can trust myself. So when I've inevitably had really hard times in my life, um, some I've shared and some I haven't on the internet, uh, I trust myself to get through those because I show up and I do things when they're hard and I celebrate being able to do that. And it builds your character and it builds this trust that you can count on yourself. Because if you've got like a friend that they say they'll do something and they never show up, you're like, Yeah, I don't trust you.

SPEAKER_04 57:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:46

And a lot of people are like that to themselves, and that kind of holds that mirror up of, oh shoot, you know, and it's that's really uncomfortable. But if you're able to face that discomfort, everything you want is on the other side of facing that discomfort. Yeah, everything in life.

SPEAKER_03 58:01

Yeah, and I think we've talked about this, but it like in a weird way, that structure really deters you over time from breaking those promises to yourself, whatever that looks like. And it keeps you on the straight and narrow in a way that like your tie to your loyalty to yourself and your integrity is so strong that like nothing can break it. And it also seeps into so many areas of your life, like it seeps into career, it seeps into your relationships, it seeps into who you want to show up at when you're like walking into a room by yourself. Um I think that that's it's like a really important lesson in life, and it's really easy to not learn that lesson. It's really easy to kind of be like, well, you know, uh it's good enough. Yeah. And that's a fine choice, but like you said, it's like if you don't, if you if you think you can there's something on the other side, then like why wouldn't you try?

SPEAKER_00 59:09

Yeah. Worst case scenario, you didn't quite get it, but you learned something, and that's a lot better than people who just never, you know, step foot their foot forward in the first place.

SPEAKER_04 59:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:20

All right. Well, I would love to hear if there is anything else that you feel called to share, just anything at all, like a lesson, something that you love, floors yours totally wide open. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 59:35

Um, I don't know, I feel so overwhelmed. Um I just think that like understanding these building blocks is has just been so transformational for me. And it has changed the way I see myself, it has changed the way I see my like willpower. It has changed the way I like hold myself in a room when I'm teaching and how I communicate the faith I have in myself, and it gives me kind of like when I'm training, that's my time for myself. Sometimes I'm listening to music, sometimes I'm listening to a podcast, sometimes I'm not listening to anything, I'm just like raw dogging it. But I'm always learning, and I'm always kind of like locked into what it feels like in the body, and being in that place where it's like you can feel like you're doing a leg press and it's glute focused, and you can feel your glutes lock in before you like push up. Yeah, there is something about that that is just like it's almost meditative.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:49

And I find like every aspect not easy because none of this is easy, but there is just something about like the allegiance that I have to it and the peace and the certainty it gives me in everything that I'm doing. That's like you can't buy that, you can't replace it, you can't replicate it. It is so invaluable that like I go to bed at night being like good day. Don't matter even if it was a bad day, because it's like you do what you need to do. Even if I'm taking that day as a rest day and I'm like, you need to rest today, like the only thing you did was your steps, and I'm like, good day.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:26

Yeah, yeah, that's such a good point. I love that. I love your perspective on all these things. Thank you so much for coming on and sharing them. And I hope that you guys got some just good, fresh perspectives of people who man, I just want the best for everybody. I want you to believe in yourself. I want you to be healthy, I want you to be confident, I want you to be fit, I want you to just feel have the energy and confidence in yourself to just go after life and all the things that you want. Absolutely. Uh, so thank you guys so much for tuning in with us. Thank you so much for coming and sharing. And I hope that whenever you guys are listening, you go do something today that your future self will thank you for.