Shatter the Sky: Mindset, Mentorship & Overcoming Obstacles with Col. Merryl Tengesdal (Ret.)

In this episode of The Asset Mindset Podcast, Daniel Fielding sits down with Colonel Merryl Tengesdal, the first Black woman to fly the U-2 spy plane, to explore her journey from the Bronx to the highest levels of military aviation. Merryl shares how mentorship, belief in oneself, and disciplined routines helped her overcome obstacles, navigate military transition, and find purpose beyond service. Her story is a powerful reminder that mindset, self-care, and action are essential to personal growth and lasting impact.

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Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Colonel Merryl Tengesdal

02:54 Inspiration from Star Trek and Early Aspirations

05:59 Finding Passion and Overcoming Obstacles

08:47 Mentoring the Next Generation

12:04 The Importance of Community Engagement

14:57 The Role of Mentors in Personal Growth

17:40 Learning from Mistakes and Personal Growth

20:38 Parenting and Teaching Life Lessons

28:33 Finding Purpose in Transition

34:34 The Journey to Authorship

44:01 Establishing Routines for Success

54:13 Empowering the Younger Self

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Produced by Security Halt Media

Transcript

Meet Meryl Tengesdal

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Welcome to the Asset Mindset podcast. Today we have a very special guest. This person has been a trendsetter, paving the way. We here at the Asset Mindset like to talk about overcoming obstacles. Well, today's guest, colonel or doctor, depending on what you want to call her, Meryl Tenzigal. So thank you for being here. You've done amazing things. You're an author, you're a motivational speaker. So we have some things in common. I do not know how to fly a plane. And so you got me beat on that by quite a bit. And it seems like you beat you seem to have beaten everybody else from your background to actually fly a YouTube plane. You are the first black woman to fly a U2 spy plane, which is pretty fascinating. I've got to see them up close and personal in Iraq one time. But that's just me sharing your story. But I do want to mention your book, Shadow of the Sky, as well, which we'll plug a few more times. But it's about, you know, just overcoming. So please introduce yourself to the asset mindset audience.

Star Trek As A Life Blueprint

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Yeah. Hello, everyone. How are you guys doing? My name is Meryl Tangistall, retired Air Force Colonel. I spent over 23 years of military service in both the Navy and Air Force. So I am bilingual. I can speak both. And, you know, get a couple of drinks to me. I can also speak marine. So and um I flew six different aircraft while I was in the military from helicopters, SH-60 Bravo was my first fleet helicopter in the Navy, to being an instructor in the T6 and T-34 aircraft for both the Navy and the Air Force. And then I transitioned in 2004, man, over 20 years ago, to fly the U-2 spy plane. And um it's been an incredible journey. I was a kid born and raised in the Bronx, so go Yankees that wanted to be an astronaut since the age of seven. And uh I made it my life's mission to bowly go where no one has gone before, thanks to Gene Roddenberry and Star Trek, who imprinted on my in my brain at a young age. And so I went on this quest and on this journey, and I'm still doing it now. Now, just being a little bit older, that I have the opportunity to share my story and inspire other people to shatter their own sky, because the sky is definitely not the limit. So thank you for having me today.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

I love it. It's an honor to have you here. It really is. I like to bring guests that have a mindset of overcoming or to push themselves or to shatter the sky. Like seriously, you are doing great things. You are the epitome of what we like to have here on the asset mindset because you've pushed through, you've challenged yourself, and I know you have a lot of the sci-fi background that you've talked about, but what was the thing that really helped you with your mindset? Was a certain episode, a certain character, or where did that all start?

Finding Passion Through Action

SPEAKER_00 3:00

So I really just started watching the show. Um, the thing that fascinated me the most is that they were exploring the unknown, and which each exploration, whether it was on a diplomatic uh mission between two war factions, you know, two warring factions on the planet to going to a new planet just to observe and see what life forms were there. Captain Kirk, who was in charge, always took this, you know, he had this diverse crew on the Enterprise. He had Uhura, who's communication, he had Sulu, who is Japanese, Chekhov, who was Russian, he had uh someone not of Earth, Spock who's the Vulcan, and they went and they navigated these challenges and they used their skill sets that they built throughout their career in Starfleet. They used old other episodes to bring in. And I said, man, this is something I want to do. I want to be the best person, I want to explore space because I thought that was the most challenging. And I watched them and said, man, they went to school, they built these skill sets, and every time I did the challenge, I looked at that as another way to add another tool to my tool belt to inform my decision when I became an astronaut. That's that's what I wanted to do. So I didn't want to be, no offense, I I tell people all the time, I didn't want to be like O'Hura, which she broke so many barriers, like Gene Roddenberry, like she was incredible, Michelle Nichols. Um, but I wanted to be like Chekhov in Sulu. I wanted to fly. I wanted to fly. I wanted to be at the helm. I wanted to take it where we were going. And so uh that taught me at seven, I said, how can I do that on this planet? And I said, well, before I could be an astronaut, I have to be a pilot. So I'll figure that out. I have to do well in math and science. So at seven, I knew, regardless of what you gave me, I was gonna do my best in math and science. And I knew I was gonna get some type of technical degree because I had to go to a Starfleet Academy. And that's how that's how I built it. I know a lot of people right now, you know, there's a lot of discussion on, and we could talk about this later. If you could see her, you could be her. Like I didn't see anyone who looked like me at the time. I was born in the 70s. Yes, I was born in the 70s. I'm 54, because some people are like, no way. And so uh I just looked at the people who were doing whether they were real or not, and I said, How can I be more like that? And so that's what inspired me. That and reading more stories about Star Trek, I became, I don't want to say obsessive, but I was. And people fed into that for me. So uh reading more, reading more stories, I was reading like a book a day of Star Trek, just absorbing everything. And uh, when I went to school, I put that in action. So uh, you know, graduating with a degree in electrical engineering, math and science was my focus. And I, everything else that I did, whether it was music, whether it was sports, it was to build who I eventually become. So when I met my first alien, they would not be a surprise. That could be cool.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

That's fantastic. And how amazing and what a gift to know at seven years old what you want to do. I'm a little jealous, I'm not gonna lie. When did you know? I still don't know. No, I I guess I I did relate a lot with Rambo. Um, I'm also a child of the 70s. Uh I was born in 75, so we're not that far apart. Um, but what what a great time to be alive. The science fiction, everything then, the stories, you know. We weren't distracted so much by video games. There was a lot more, you know, the reading the books. I love the which way books. I don't know if you remember those, the sci-fi, you know, you you go and you're like, oh, do you do this decision or you do that decision? Do you go into the cave? Or do you know?

SPEAKER_00 6:49

And you know what, you know what the worst part about it is when you went the wrong way and it was like you could you didn't have to read anything. You saw the end at the end, and you're like, oh, you get so mad. You're like, no, I don't want to do that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Yeah, I did that several times. But no, that's super cool. So I see the passion, and passion is obviously very important. What about people that are having a hard time that like we made jokes about, like, you know, you knew it's seven, and I don't know, but what about someone that's trying to find their passion? How would you help them find that?

Mentorship That Changes Trajectories

SPEAKER_00 7:27

So I I always tell people, especially younger people, because that's recently that's my focus, is really just start walking. Like you can't do anything if you're just sitting there, you know, wringing your hands and uh pontificating and opining about stuff. Oh, I want to do this, I want to do that. Just start walking. You think you might like this, go do it. Just try it out because movement is life, right? So if you start walking in a direction, that path will start to open up in ways that you can never dream of. But you have to make that uh you have to make those couple of steps. And then eventually someone will see you. Like for me, in my book, I talk about I I love Star Trek. There was a after-school program that I was in, and the lady who was in charge, her kids read Star Trek who are older than me, and she loves Star Trek. So she started giving me her books, and I started consuming. So as you walk on a journey, there are gonna be people that you're gonna meet who will take an interest in you because you have this uh idea or this thought, and they get it in their mind saying, Let me help this young man or woman, let me help this person become what they uh are truly meant to be. And so that's the only that's really one of the best ways. Just start. Like people are so afraid, and I go, How can you be so afraid? Well, you know, on the internet, I see this and this. I said, put that garbage down. You it's like it your brain is being fed junk food. Put it away. Put it away, go through and experience. That is where the real nutrients are at. That is to do something and fail at it a little bit or not be comfortable. That's where the growth happens. So um I try to ex I try to, you know, hammer that home with a lot of people, especially young folks nowadays.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

So when you say young folks, are you working with teenagers? Are you working with younger kids, college students? Because, you know, people like us now, we're considered old according to my kids.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

You know, my son just started junior high school today, and I was just over there, and you know, he's so embarrassed by me, and but I love it because he's like, Man, you don't know what you're talking about, you're old. And I go, hey, if you don't do what I say right now, I'm gonna throw a tantrum and I'm gonna embarrass you in front of all your friends. Like, I don't care. Like um, I talk to kids that are anywhere from man, kindergarten, pre-K, because you never know the maturity level. Some some kindergarten kids surprise me on probably they might have a little bit of ADHD, but they're they're hyper-focused on certain things, and I love that. Um there are some kids I've met at the age of six, and then I've met again at nine at a signing event, and they're older, and they're still as hyper, and they still want to do it. There's one kid um that I know, he loves Buzz Buzz Lightyear, and he wants to be an astronaut, and I've seen him year after year after year, and I just keep I keep feeding him and feeding him and saying, yeah, I said you got to focus your energies, use your powers for good, because he is super hyper. But I talk to anyone from any young adult, kids, anyone who wants to listen, anyone who has a desire and and needs that extra push, I'm I'm open to it. Um one of my other, right now, one of my other uh I almost say one of my other kids, but he's not, he's 18. If you look at my feed on Instagram, he was recently incarcerated a couple years ago, just got out. I got him an incentive ride and um pick a Cessna, Cessna 172 and 182. He's gonna go Friday. I'm gonna meet him. I want to see how he feels. He's going to Lyman school, he's doing all these things, even though he made a mistake. And wasn't necessarily his fault, but he got caught up making some poor decisions. So I always tell him, I'm like, I'm like your auntie now. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get in your chili. So I'm all about that. I'm all about inspiring the next generation, whatever means is necessary, however, I can help, however, I can network for them, because that's very important.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

No, that is. That's great. That's fantastic. And I love that you're mentoring, you're sharing your knowledge, and you're you're not someone that's just telling them, you know, you've you've walked the walk. You've gone from having the dream to being a pilot and flying, like you said, different types of aircraft. Like that is an amazing accomplishment. It's got to be so cool. Like, I I mean, I hop on a motorcycle and I kind of feel like I'm flying, but uh, you know, that that's just incredible. I can't imagine the the reward. But also now encouraging others is fantastic. I try and share that with the asset mindset. I love that you're doing that, and that's why you're here on the show because you have that mindset where you're trying to teach and mentor and share your knowledge. So, how do we help those younger generations, like you're saying now, that have all this stimulation or the victim mentality or the I can't? How do we help them and get through to them?

Grace, Growth, And Tough Lessons

SPEAKER_00 12:41

So if you're a person that's not on social media, I mean going to your local youth area, especially in underserved communities. I I really, for me as a speaker, if I go to a location, if I if I go to a place, I always try to piggyback another area in the community that may not necessarily know who I am, and I go out there and I try to just meet with them. I think it's very important nowadays that we have these touch points and we see young men and women physically and talk to them and show them that you're a representation. Because what they see on I don't know how many times my kids have been on YouTube and spouting wrong information and then I yell at them to turn it off. They need to see someone who has done it, and and I and it's kind of con contradictory to what I said before me growing up, I didn't have to see anyone. But I think now more than ever, when I reach out to young kids, especially in underserved communities, and they look at me. Um, like one time I was in the Twin Cities doing a speaking engagement, and this kid, kindergarten or first grade, walks up to me. He's in a charter school that is all about NASA and everything. But he walks up to me and he says, You're black just like me. Like it melted my heart. Like it made me realize that for some people, they need to actually see it. They need that touch point. There are certain people like myself that don't need that. We just have creative minds, we just go and do, we're a little crazy a little bit, a little not quite right, and there's nothing wrong with that. But there are other people that actually need to see someone else doing it. And that young man, that child changed my whole perspective in that one instance. So not only am I changing them, but they're also changing me and changing me in ways that I never thought was possible. So I I always tell people just go out in your local community, go to the equivalent of YMCA, go to a camp. If there's a camp for underserved kids, go volunteer, be there for a day and just give what you can. And so you're just trying to change one person at a time, or just change their perspective one person at a time. And in a year, you will have touched so many people. And so for those who do social media, I try to share positive stories. Like I'm not I'm not about clickbait, I'm not about that. I'm trying to interview people like the young man, Phoenix. I interviewed his story very quickly in hopefully enough time where you have enough focus. But um I do that and I share those stories, and it's starting to catch on. People are interested in that. They're no longer interested in the eight-second clip. That's kind of funny. They want to hear stories of people, real people. So that's what I try to do. And that's what I try to urge other people to do.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

Well, that's great. And that's part of giving back and mentoring. And that's an awesome, wonderful thing to be doing. So while we're talking about that, you're now a mentor. Was there anyone that was a real influential mentor for you as a kid or high school or any time period like that?

SPEAKER_00 15:54

Yeah, so I had mentors since probably uh probably fourth, fifth, sixth grade, somewhere around in New York, we have middle schools. Here they just have elementary schools, so you hit junior high school. It's a very strange concept to me. But starting with Miss Harriet, who gave me the Star Trek books. Then when I went to um intermediate school or middle school, I had one science prof uh science teacher that would just feed into me. And he's written in my book on how, you know, one time I did an experiment on cryogenics using mealworms from Star Trek, the rat, you know, before the Rath of Khan came out, like Space Seed, I think that was the episode. Oh my gosh, I'm such a dork. But um, you know, doing something on cryogenics because it inspired me to um having him and in high school having I was on the planetarium squad and having um Mr. Buck Halter, Mr. Felman, those guys who would mentor me to college, having uh Professor Morrison, may you rest in peace, forced me to do an internship at the University of Maine. And I didn't want to do it because I wanted to spend my summers just hanging out. He's like, no, you're going. And you're gonna you're gonna do stuff in electrical engineering, which was my major. And I had something in high school where I did some programs in the summertime where I had another professor, Professor Morris, who got me into the electrical engineering. So I had so many mentors along the way, and that's that's before I even got into the military. And uh even now, you know, I always say if you're not if you're at this stage and you're not mentoring, you're wrong. If you're not giving your knowledge and wisdom, even if you screwed up, even if you were incarcerated for 15 years and you're not going out to try to keep other people from following in those footsteps, you're kind of wrong in that. Like it's our job. I'm not gonna put this on you. I mean, I'm not Ricky Bobby, but uh, you know, it's just like I think we owe it if we're successful in different ways to bring other people up. We're not crabs in the barrel. We don't pull people down. We try to bring people up with us. So that is my mindset. Agree with me or not agree with me, but there's always a mentoring moment. And you learn something in the process.

Transitioning From Military To Civilian

SPEAKER_01 18:09

Absolutely. And uh yeah, you you you totally have the asset mindset because you even talked about crabs in the the bucket and pulling each other down. I say avoid crab heads, other people that'll pull each other down, and I talk all about that in the book. So yeah, you're you're right on par there. So uh it's great minds think alike, like they say. Always, always. Seriously, it it's fantastic. And that's what I'm trying to teach people just like you are, and share the knowledge. And I think people are too hard on themselves, and we have these weird standards that we put on ourselves. Now we want to push ourselves and we want to get out of our comfort zone, but it's also important to not beaties beat ourselves up. Like we gotta understand that we're a human being, we're gonna make mistakes, but we're a human being and we're gonna grow and we'll learn from those mistakes. So, what were some of the mistakes that you've made that you've uh learned some big lessons in?

SPEAKER_00 19:06

Wow, um, I realized, yeah, number one, you gotta give yourself grace. I totally agree. Um, the older I get, the more grace I give myself. Mistakes that I've made. Uh, one, I'm from New York City, I'm from the Bronx, and uh I always tell people never forget that about me because I have a switch that'll flip on, and it may not end well. Like, you know, I could choose violence at any moment, but that's something that I had to learn as I got older, especially in the military, that there's a way that you handle situations. That it doesn't have to always go straight to like getting in someone's face and challenging someone. And that's that's a factor of being young and dumb and thinking you know everything, as opposed to being older and just seeing how the whole situation plays out. So I would say, especially when I was a Navy lieutenant. I was definitely, I wore my emotions up my sleeve. So it was something that I had to learn not to do and to be able to carry myself in a way that was just more effective and uh to be able to listen more. Um other mistakes, man, um I was really mischievous in junior high school and high school. Um I I was that type of person that one of my high school hijinks was gluing the locks in some in the school, causing a lot of damage, not getting caught at the time. Um I have some powers that I can use. Um I think things differently, but I learned to use those powers for good when I got to college. Um I did some things that I probably should have gotten in a lot of trouble for, which we won't talk about today. But I did end up with a security clearance and I didn't do anything bad. Yeah, those are some of the things I had to have those mentors to be like, uh, tell me and pull me aside and like what are you doing? Like you're you're gonna be face to face with not the law, but the federal government. So stop doing that. And I said, okay. Look, computers first start. It's you know, I'm the I'm the person that 300 baud mono behaving badly.

SPEAKER_01 21:15

Hey, it it's all part of life and learning and growing, like we're talking about. You know, you learn from your mistakes. And, you know.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

Yes, and you know, I'm glad there were not cameras back then or a lot of video recordings. You know, I think you and I can agree that we probably did a lot of things that would have canceled us back then.

SPEAKER_01 21:35

Yes, yeah. We were I'm I tell my son who's turning 18 here soon. I'm like, you know, I was pretty lucky. I grew up in the absolute best time because I know some old school stuff. There wasn't video games, but then in the 80s they came out, I got to experience a little, but we're like daywalkers if we were a vampire. You know, you can go back to like, I don't need that stuff, but I also know how to use it if I have to. You know, we're in the both worlds. We weren't born into all the crazy technology and inundated with the internet and social media like the kids nowadays, but we did get to experience it like the old boomers. They don't, how do you use this? How do you program that? So yeah, being a child of the 70s, I think, is an amazing thing, and we're very blessed.

Writing And Releasing Shatter The Sky

SPEAKER_00 22:20

So it was. I tell my kids all the time when they're uh you know, they have a phone, I go, look, I used to build computer systems. You try to hide something or do something, I will find out, and I will find it. So they're like, Oh, okay. I said you try to delete anything on your text message stream, I will see it, and you will be punished. So they're they're good.

SPEAKER_01 22:42

That is fantastic. Yeah. My my son, he's already because I have two daughters too. He's already like my daughter, the oldest one is nine, the other one's gonna be seven here shortly. And he's like, Don't try and get away with anything with daddy, because he got caught doing dumb stuff and you know, not knowing that I can track and do things. And I mean, I'm not the most tech savvy, but I've got some training and whatnot as a green beret and things. And uh he's got a flip foam now, still to this day, because of what he did. And then I've also tossed his room, like we would search, do an SSE, like on an objective. And he's like, Why are you going through the pockets on my jacket in my closet? Because I search everywhere. And he's like, Oh, and I would just do like, you know, health and welfare inspections just randomly, so he never knows when. So it's good. Yeah, that's funny when the military we can use that on our kids.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

So I love it because you said you tossed your son's room. I I legit two weeks ago did that to my daughter. Like her mattress was upside down, and I was like, what is all this? I just took a black bag and just like the the tears and the crying and the snots, and I'm like, we can't have we can't have this room like this, and we can't have like I mean, you know, she's she came to us four years ago uh as a foster, and and there's some you know other things going on, but I'm like, no, we can't have this going on. And uh man, she was like, What happened to my room? Why are you doing this? I said, I just flipped your room upside down. If don't make me do this again, do you want this? She goes, no. And I'm like, just clean it up. Just clean it up, stop putting food here, don't do this. We have all these things to mitigate the stuff that may have happened before you came here. Let's let's let's get this together. But and I looked at my son, I said, Do you want me to do what I just did to her room to yours? He's like, No. I said, then you have till this evening to clean that up.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

And tough love and discipline. They need it, you know, and we all need it, you know. I needed it sometimes, that's for sure. You know, my dad straightened me out a few times. I'm sure you had it too. Like you you need that. Otherwise, you know, there's no boundaries or the, you know, there's no standards.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

And it's um, you know, I and I think it's important to have those boundaries. Um, look, my kids, I would never admit this to them, but they're they're really good kids. They're they're pretty good. I mean, they they have their moments as preteens, but when they're interacting with other adults and they're respectful and they don't say yeah, and they say yes, or they don't say what and they say thank you. Like the very I taught my kids from early on, just do the basics and you will outpace 70% of your peers just by doing those things. And we're not going to tolerate that in the home. And they're doing it now, being 12, going on 13, 10, going on 11. And it's nice to hear the feedback from other people saying, man, your kids are really good, they're really polite, they're conscientious sometimes. Even my daughter likes, she'll be aware of things, and it's like, okay, even though I'm getting a couple of gray hairs, it's it's worth it. It's worth the the effort and the you know, the vein that pops out in your head when you're upset. But it's it's worth it because they're going to be functioning adults, and that's what I want. I want I want good functioning adults that can handle pressure and could do things well and are confident about their abilities.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

So Yeah, absolutely. I had a fantastic talk, and I'll share this, and for all you listeners out there as well, because you know, when you're dealing with a teenager, they think you're being mean or you're picking on them or whatnot. I went and I had like a kind of lunch date or meeting, and I just, you know, on the drive there with my son, I'm like, listen, you know I want you to win, right? Like everything I do is because I want you to win in life. Everything your mother does is because she wants you to win. We're not picking on you or trying to give you a hard time. We want you to win, and we're trying to teach you the right things to do so you can win in life. And there was an incredible shift where, like, all right, so you have my back. They still get aggravated and they're still a teenager, but it definitely helped with the knowledge of, hey, you're not just attacking me. You're not just being mean. Because I think kids, when their hormones are, you know, coming on and all that stuff's happening and the change, they are like, you're against me, or oh, this and that. And they take it so personal. And it's it's not a personal attack. It's like, hey, I love you and I love you too much not to discipline you because I want you to win in life. I want you to be successful, I want you to have your dreams. And that that was very, very helpful. But we're going off on children things here.

Editing, Vulnerability, And Truth

SPEAKER_00 27:49

Well, the last thing I say something to my kids all the time. I go, um, and it came from having them, especially my daughter, as like, I may yell for you or with you or at you, but I'm always in your corner. So I may be yelling, but I'm always for you. I'm always like you said, I want you to win. I want you, but there are times I'm gonna yell at you because you are being a doorknob. Like, it's like, hey, what what is happening? And they're like, I don't know. And I'm like, okay, it's hormones, it's cool. I'll give you grace, but like, we can't have this can't cause they do, but they'll do stuff. I'll watch it and they'll just like you could tell no one's home and they're just doing stuff. And I'm like, wow, I was like that too. My poor mom, man. I was a hot mess, I was a menace.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I was like, just wait, you're you're gonna look back at these days because you know what? I look back and I was dumb too. Welcome to the parenting with the asset mindset. Parenting class 101. No, fantastic. So we've talked about kids. Let's talk about adults that now want to change their lives. And maybe they really haven't found their purpose or they're transitioning, like we've had to transition from our military career. How can someone find purpose and passion? What tips would you give them?

Routines, Fitness, And Phone Discipline

SPEAKER_00 29:17

Number one, if you're transitioning and you're retired, especially, especially our military folks, congratulations. If you're retiring, retirement to me is glorious. Like I always tell people, retirement's glorious. But it's not one of those one of my bosses in the Pentagon said, Oh, it's like stepping off a curb, you just keep walking. Well, the curb can be really high, and the fall can be really bad. For me, even as a colonel, you would think, hey, what problems would you have? But it was really connecting with civilians because they're they're just it's different. Their priorities are different. The stress in their life is, especially as a mom with little kids, is that Johnny didn't make the comp soccer team. And my brain would explode internally like I was just flying off over Afghanistan talking to someone getting shot at. And now we're talking about Johnny in the comp. Like, who cares? Johnny, Johnny is looking at daisies on the field, like he's picking his nose, like he is nowhere of anything. And so it was very hard for me to to connect with people and find that a lot of maybe civilians are not as genuine a connection as you are, because you want that camaraderie as a military folk, uh military person, or someone in law enforcement, or somewhere where life and death is near to you. And so what I had to do was just be patient and I shut down for a little bit, and then I had someone reach out to me who was a friend. She's still my friend to this day, but she was pretty persistent because I was not in I was not looking for friendship. But she was equally as weird and equally as persistent and tried very hard. And I realized over the months that there are tribes for you out there. Don't give up. There are people who truly care, and there are people who can truly be allies in your world and understand you. Um, my good friends to this day, uh her name is Jen. She a couple of years ago was diagnosed with cancer, and and you know, her and I, like I was there for her. I have my other friend, he's his name's Felix. We have kids all the same age. You know, he was diagnosed with uh bipolar, and you know, we are we're always there for each other. So they're military-like with different issues, and I found those connections with those people. So um for those who are still struggling, I will say be patient. It's not you, it's them. It's like there's something there, but keep searching. And if you can't find anyone, contact me and we'll be friends, and we'll talk and we can reminisce about the old days and stuff, and I could speak the language. But for those who are pursuing passions, it's the same thing. Okay, your military life has ended. If you want to do something different, just start doing and just pick it up. And uh understand the fact that it's gonna be awkward, it's gonna be weird, you're gonna struggle, but it's gonna be worth it. Like I knew nothing about I could have joined the airline, something that was very comfortable to me, flying airplanes, easy. But I decided I didn't want to do that. I wanted to be a personal trainer, I wanted to inspire people through fitness, young people. I had no idea about sales, I had no idea about I mean working out and making people do push-ups. Yeah, I could do that. But connecting with people, I had to draw upon my military experience to get my sales skills up to speed. And there was a learning curve. There was, you know, the first six months I was, you know, giving my services for free or having clients that, oh, well, I like this, I don't like that. And I had to figure it out. And but when it clicked, it clicked. And as long as you know, as a military person or a person who is in another job that you have the basis of being on time, trying hard, trying again, there's nothing that you can't do. So don't get in your head too much about it. It's gonna be a little difficult, but it's gonna be fun. And at the end of the day, you'll be like, oh, well, that was terrible. Do you want to take classes or do you want to do something? I take welding classes at the local community college. And I was terrible at it. And every day I come in and say, I'm gonna suck a little less. That's the mindset you should have. Like, take it on and every day say, Did I suck a little less today? All right, it's a win.

SPEAKER_01 33:55

Yeah, yeah. You're you're even if it's only an inch, you're gaining ground. You know, as long as you're gaining ground. That's and that's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:04

So, yeah, for people out there, try something new. I mean, we're you know, AI is changing this landscape. And if you're not familiar with AI, get familiar with AI and see what it could do for you. Don't be afraid to do it because you were so good at something before. This is the opportunity to reinvent yourself. Again, for me, it's like being an enterprise to boldly go where no one has gone before. So, what can I do and build my arsenal to inform me in the future? That's how you should look at things for those who are out there and just as old as we are, maybe a little older.

SPEAKER_01 34:40

That's great advice. Fantastic advice. And that's why you're on the show, and that's why you wrote the book, Shatter the Sky. So tell us about the book here. Like, how'd that happen? Was it just a personal story that, you know, autobiography you wanted to get out? Did other people kind of push you? How how'd it come to fruition?

Self-Care, Nutrition, And Leading At Home

SPEAKER_00 34:59

Yeah, so for years I've had friends like come out with a book, come out with a book, and I was like, ah, no, no, like the hands went up. When I retired in 2017, I was personal trainer. In 2020, I started doing a lot of social media because that's how you get out there as a personal trainer. And one of my videos caught the eye of a producer for a reality show called Tough as Nails on CBS. So there were five seasons, and they reached out to me and they said, We love what you're doing. Are you interested in being a reality show? And so I was like, Yeah, this will be interesting. Because again, the journey, it's just different. So I applied and as I was making it through the wickets, I started thinking ahead a little bit, and I go, Oh, maybe it's time to come out with a book. Because if I get on the show, there's you know, people will know who I am. And so I I reached out to a friend who knew a ghostwriter, because it's hard to write about for me, it's hard to write about myself. Started doing some interviews and interviewed, I picked up for the show season two. If you haven't seen it, watch it. You get to see me in all my glory. And uh and when I came back, um I didn't go with that first ghostwriter. I went with a friend of mine where we had I knew his brother, his brother, I knew he was a writer. He came out to Beale to look at the YouTube's, and I asked him, did he have some time? I have all these interviews, hours, hundreds of hours of interviews. Can he help ghostwriting? And he said yes. And so we ended up with the manuscript in a month because I told him, hey, we just filmed, they're gonna air it in February, and I'm gonna try and get this rolling. And so, end of December, we started writing, back and forth, editing. Four weeks later, we were done with the manuscript that talked about my life, broken into four chapters Girl from the Bronx, Gold Wings, because I was in the Navy, Silver Wings in the next mission. Shopped it around, the show came out, was getting a little bit of buzz, but traditional publishing is very difficult. There are a lot of gatekeepers, it's very frustrating. I did a podcast with a a lady who had a book producer and introduced me, and I'll never forget it. We talked, we talked video-wise, and she goes, Hey, I want to see your manuscript. Can I curse on this show?

SPEAKER_01 37:36

Yeah, yeah, go right ahead.

Purpose, Ownership, And Final Advice

SPEAKER_00 37:37

Oh, okay. I just want to make sure. She said, I'm gonna look at the draft and it'll be a shitty I'm gonna look at it as a shitty first draft. And I go, Okay, that's no problem. I got thick skin, I don't whatever you want. And she goes, I'll get back to you, let me read it over the weekend. And uh I said, okay, her name was Mirave Richter. That was Friday, Saturday morning. She sent me an email and I was going out to do some content stuff. Opened up the email, the first thing she said, this is not a shitty first draft. And I was like, and then she goes on and explains that she really liked it. She liked the setup, this is how she would change it, she would do certain things. And so I immediately called her, and uh, this was I don't this was sometime in August. And she says, When do you want it out? And I said, Well, how about October, September, October time frame? She goes, Well, it's a tight time crunch, but we'll have to go back and forth. I said, I'm in it, I'm in it to win it, let's go. And so that's what we did. So she starts editing, um, and we just go back and forth like hard, like every day. It's new changes. How do you want this? We interview, and October 8th, uh, you know, unfortunately, that's the day my mom died. The book came out the same day. So, yeah, so 2021. So people were shocked because they were like, Meryl, when are you coming out with the book? And I said, October. They're like, oh, October 2022. I said, no, this year. And they're like, what? How? Why? And they say, that's not normal. I said, well, life shouldn't be normal. There's a process, there's a traditional process, but that's the reason why Amazon has Amazon books, because the process takes too long. And as a military person that has lived in the acquisition process, I hate unnecessary long process. And if you can streamline it or make it easier, let's get it going. And so the cards fell right. I was motivated, and within I think from the moment I actually did some interviews to it coming out was about a year of doing all that. That is fast, yeah. It it's it's super fast, and people were nervous. They were they were nervous for me. They're like, What if there's grammatical errors and stuff? I go, it's on Amazon, you can. Change it in 24 hours, and nothing is perfect, and that lends to who you are. Everything doesn't have to be perfect, it'd be written a certain way. So that's how quick the book came out. And I was I love the process in that during that time, Mirav taught me how the sausage is made and why things happen. And I learned a lot about that, which helped me later on, a year later, to do the audiobook, which I did with my own voice. So again, people were just shocked. And it's just like there are people out there who want to work fast and and they're good. So, you know, you can have it fast, good, or cheap. You know, the three, you know, in the triangle, and you pick two. Um, and I found people who were motivated and who believed in my story. And so, yeah, I wanted to get it out there and on the heels of the show. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:54

So I think that's great, and that's a testimony for everybody out there. If you have something you really want to accomplish and do, don't listen to the norm. You know, you can break the norm. Nobody really wants to be normal. Anybody that's done anything special, guess what? You're not normal. You know, you're gonna push the envelope, you're gonna change things a little, you're gonna adapt, you're gonna improvise, and that's what you did and made it happen. And you were not a professional writer. I was not a professional writer. I took a little longer. It took me three years to get my book out, but you know, it it's something that you can do. And I'm not saying you have to go out there and write a book, but whatever that dream is, whether it's to build a hot rod car, whether it's to get a PhD, you know, become a painter, play an instrument, you can do it. And please, please, please, for some inspiration, make sure you pause and go into our description. There's gonna be links in there for Merrill. There'll be links in there for the asset mindset, and you can get some resources that'll really help support you. And of course, there's gonna be a link for shatter the sky, the book. I'm just so glad that, you know, I love relating to people that have, you know, it's military thing, but also now we have the, you know, the author thing walking through that because I think people don't understand, you know, how much back and forth the editing process, I had no clue. I was naive at how much editing is involved and how much work. But it's super rewarding when you get it done.

SPEAKER_00 42:33

And and for me, there was just an emotional toll because you're reliving your stories. You're, you know, now if you have a really good editor, they're gonna ask you questions. And it's not to challenge, but it's to make you dig deep into why these things were happening. And so there were just weeks that I was just emotionally drained. I was like, man, I'm tired of this nonsense. I felt like, you know, it's almost like if you go to therapy that you feel a little raw and vulner vulnerable. And there's nothing wrong with that, but it could be exhausting, and you're like, you know, you feel a little naked about it. But yeah, the it was intense. But I I would tell people that's a that's a good thing, to look at yourself from through the eyes of others. It's very telling about the type of person you are.

SPEAKER_01 43:23

Yeah, objective views. Yes. Stepping back, having that self-awareness, be objective. And you know, we do get blinders, all of us in our lives. If you can work on that ability to step back and be subjective to everything that's going on around you in your life, or the story, or the goal, or what you're trying to accomplish, sometimes you're gonna find a shortcut. You know, sometimes you'll see something that you want to avoid. So that's very important. Um let's talk about things or habits that you find are helpful for staying grounded or dealing with stress so that you're able to keep this positive mindset and keep going.

SPEAKER_00 44:08

So habits, I think I got really let's go back to COVID days. So for our family in COVID, it was my son, who's biological, my husband. Fast forward to September of 2020, you know. We have my daughter, my future daughter in the house. And it was her first man, we got her on Labor Day, right? Like she was relinquished by another family, and we we we got her. And schools were going through online classes for uh first graders and second graders. And so we have this uh my daughter's there, and uh I'll be honest, during this time it was a very feral period for her because you know, you got a um a six-year-old who uh kind of doesn't know what's happening, things are changing, change is not great for her. So she's acting, you know, uh you know, understandably so, she's acting uh a certain way. And so what my husband and I decide to do, because he's also in the reserves, he's in the Navy Reserves, he's a captain in the Navy Reserves. And so every day we said we have to keep a routine in a schedule because during COVID, everything's locked down. We gotta keep these kids moving, we gotta keep them outside and doing stuff. And so every morning we'd wake up sometime between 7 and 8:30. It's a must. By nine o'clock, everyone had to be out of their pajamas, they had to be dressed. If it was not a school day, if it was school day, whenever school started, they would be ready to go. For me personally, I had to work out in the mornings and I would videotape it, and I would get in there and videotape, and we would have breakfast, we would do all these things, and throughout the day, we would have certain things set, as if you were on the ship or on the on the boat doing stuff. Routine makes everything a little bit more palatable, all the stressors that are going on. And so we still do that to this day. By nine o'clock in the morning, even though it's on a weekend, the kids have to get dressed. They could get dressed and lounge around after, but they have to get dressed, they have to clean the cat boxes because we have cats, they have to do certain things. And so for me, I typically get up in the mornings. I like to work out in the mornings because it's hard to get it through the rest of the day, even though I can. Once I do that, even during when I wake up now, I'm more thankful. I think about the day, I'm thankful about the day. I just take that moment. I try not to look at my phone because I don't want to get inundated. And once I work out, you know, take a shower, get dressed, and then I start with whatever is on my schedule for the day. And I kind of keep that rhythm going. I found that during COVID that helped us quite a bit, and it helped us get our daughter into a routine, especially going to bedtime routine, where I think when you uh establish that there's you know, she felt more safe and more comfortable. And so and then my son, you know, the transition for him wasn't that as bad because he was already in a routine. But for us, my husband and I, for our sanity, yes, we we made sure we did that. So we keep that to this day, and you have to have some routine in your life, I believe. So when the things that come out of the blue at you, you're able to absorb that a lot better. And uh you're able to manage and task manage that so much better. People who are just, I'm in pajamas all day and I'm not getting ready for the day because it's my day off. I think you do yourself a disservice. Um and it's hard to mentally, especially nowadays, it's hard to mentally just prepare for anything that comes at you, especially again, the phone, man, it's I don't think we've really begun to understand how it's permeated into our physio a physiological state and our psychology. So um I think we're just starting to peel back that onion and seeing what's really happening with the generations that are coming behind us. So establishing a routine without your phone is I think is very important.

SPEAKER_01 48:31

No, I I agree. And I like that you do it early in the morning. I think waking up and having a morning routine, you know, whether it's go for a walk, journal, maybe even just sit out on the deck with the coffee or, you know, have that piece to yourself away from the phone. You can collect your thoughts. Um, my wife and I, we try and do the get up at 5 30 and we're down in the the basement working out, doing our thing, you know, before the kids get up, because like you said, once the day starts, it's hard to squeeze it in. You know, phone rings, kids have something happen, you gotta go here, there. Having that time, you know, even if you can just wake up 30 minutes early, you know, and have that you time where you can go and work on whatever happened, read, walk, exercise, you know, make some tea, any of those things, that will really, I think, help stabilize your day. And I'd love to see that you're doing that. And I figured you'd get into exercise being a personal trainer and all.

SPEAKER_00 49:35

You have to. I can we digress a little bit? So I I will say um as a personal trainer, so is this August? So um several months ago, I was we'll go back several years ago. I wanted to start lifting more. So I really didn't pay attention to what I was eating. I was like, uh, it's gonna be healthy, like, but I want to be able to lift more and just put more protein in my life and and you know, more fats and stuff. Fast forward to May of this year, my blood work did not come back very well, and I'll be honest. And the first instinct I was, I was I was pissed off. I was I was angry at myself. I was like, how did I let this happen? And you know, dang it. And then immediately I was like, okay, the pity party's over. Let's get back on track. And let's get back on it reminded me I was focused maybe too much on the kids, too much on the family, and not enough on myself. And I've I was talking to a uh a group of women one day and I said, as women, we are sometimes we are the the nucleus of the family. Like we are, and you know, you you may have your husband or boyfriend or significant other there, but if you go down, the rest of the family's gonna fail. It's just, you know, because I'm doing you know, I'm managing and doing other stuff. And my husband just recently retired, so we're going through an adjustment period. And I said, no, I have to take a good hour or two for myself. And I decided to do it mainly in the morning. And with that, I was like, okay, food is, you know, you know, I'm locking down, or I'm gonna be more disciplined in my food choices, I'm gonna be more cognizant of what I'm doing, and I'm gonna make some small adjustments like I would tell my clients, because I knew I was eating. And then you fast forward, you know, three months later, 20 pounds down without making much significant changes, but just spending more time on myself because you know, we all do it, we all forget and we tend to other people's things. So for those out there who are doing that, stop. Your audience listening, stop doing that. Focus some time in yourself because if you go down, you're not helping the rest of the team, right? So do yourself and the do yourself in the team a fa a favor and just be a little selfish for an hour or two a day to get yourself back on track, and it'll make all the difference. And I think once I started doing that, my husband started seeing that, and then he started doing the same thing because our kids are getting older, and and then my kids, you know, my son's like, Wow, can I work out with you? Can I go wrong with you? Can I go do things? It's it's infectious and it helps the group. So um, yeah, it's very important. The routine thing, incredibly important. But I wanted to share that because I'm not perfect. Nobody is.

SPEAKER_01 52:33

No one is surprised. So when anybody's out there looking and they're telling you they get it all figured out, they don't. We have a lot of stuff figured out, but not all of it.

SPEAKER_00 52:42

And then ebbs and flows, depending on what's going on in your life. There could be a major crisis that throws you off, that derails you. And sometimes you gotta get back on. So that's what I had to do. I had to get back on. I'm like, let's go.

SPEAKER_01 52:54

Yeah, no, that's good. And I think something that you're you're keying in on that I think is very important that I try and share with people when I'm trying to, you know, influence and help them, is you know, you got to do all this stuff for work to make money, and you'll get up early and do whatever for your job. Well, you need to do that for yourself. You need to work on you as much, or if not harder, than you work on your job, because you're more important than your job. You can get another job, you can't get another you. And another thing with ownership, I like to use is pets. You know, you say you have cats. What do you have to do? You have to feed that cat every day. You gotta make sure there's water for the cat. You gotta clean out the litter box. So you're constantly, that's ownership of a pet. How many people aren't owning their lives or their dreams like that? They're just going through the motions, and then they have any time off, they're gonna plop down on the couch, watch Netflix, or be scrolling on the phone or sleeping in late night. That's where we don't like sleeping in late here because I mean, I'm not gonna say it never happens, depending on travel and whatnot and getting back. But, you know, on the weekends, we don't, oh, just sleep in and get up whenever you want. No, we got animals, you get up, and that's our time for our life. What goals do we have and want to do? And you can do that too, audience out there. You know, own your power, own your time, and really own your goals and dreams. So before we end up going, I want to know what you would tell yourself if you ran into that younger you now, that seven-year-old that loved the sci-fi and Star Trek and everything. What would you say?

SPEAKER_00 54:33

Oh, I would I would tell her believe in yourself more. Like you're so much more, you're so much more powerful than you think you are. Like it's, you know, when you're young, you're, you know, you're a little shy, you may not think much of yourself. You listen to your family and friends more of what they say. I would tell my younger self to like throat punch those people because they have no idea what you're capable of. And that's what I tell kids. You have no idea like people, seriously, you can't shatter this guy. Like, you your power is just so much. Don't dim your light for anyone else.

SPEAKER_01 55:14

That's what I'm saying. Great advice. Absolute great advice. And anybody out there, don't dim your light. You know, Meryl's absolutely right. You are more powerful than you realize. Please, if you found anything helpful in this episode, make sure you like, follow, and subscribe, and definitely share it with people who need to hear this message because it's been a very powerful message today. You are more powerful than you thought. And don't forget to go in the description. You can find all the links. If you need a personal trainer, I think we might know somebody. And if you want a great book to read, I think there's a couple great books in there too. So definitely thank you for your time today. It's been a pleasure, it's been an honor. I really like connecting with you. You have the asset mindset. And everyone out there, don't forget own your power.