Transforming Grief Into Strength: Ownership, Resilience, and Purpose After Loss

What happens when grief doesn’t end—but transforms who you become?
 Today, on The Asset Mindset, host Daniel Fielding sits down with Alfred Brenner, a former military dog handler, to explore grief as a lifelong journey—not a moment in time. After losing his canine partner in combat, Alfred was forced to confront loss, identity, and purpose head-on.

This conversation dives into the unbreakable bond between handlers and their dogs, the power of ownership and self-awareness, and how frustration and failure can become catalysts for growth. Alfred shares how surrounding yourself with the right support system, engaging with others who are struggling, and pursuing purpose-driven work can change lives. He also discusses writing his book Surviving with Grief and his mission to help others navigate loss, mental health challenges, and resilience.

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Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Transformation and Grief

00:47 The Bond Between Handler and Dog

03:58 Overcoming Quirks and Building Trust

06:13 The Importance of Ownership

09:16 Navigating Frustration and Growth

12:54 The Story of Loss and Recovery

21:08 Processing Trauma and Grief

24:00 Living with Grief

28:53 Self-Awareness and Faith

31:05 Advice for Overcoming Struggles

34:25 The Journey of Writing a Book

37:03 Surrounding Yourself with Good People

41:13 Engaging with Those in Need

46:33 Future Aspirations and Purpose 

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Produced by Security Halt Media

Transcript

Opening And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Welcome to the Asset Mindset Podcast, where we don't wait for opportunities, we create them. So today we have a special guest, Alfred Brenner. Alfred, say hello to the audience. Hello, good morning. It depending on where you're listening, but it should be morning. Good morning. How are you doing, Dan? Appreciate you having me on. Oh, it's great to have you on. And man, I can't wait to dive into this episode with you because each episode we dive into the mindset, habits, and mission-driven thinking that turn everyday people into high performers and real life warriors. And this isn't just about motivation, it's about transformation. And I know you've been through a lot of transformation, uh, surviving with grief. And I think a lot of people that hear that won't know the full story. So why don't you share your story about surviving with grief and who grief is?

Building An Unbreakable Handler-Dog Bond

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Yes. Uh it's interestingly enough, um, grief, you know, everyone thinks is just the emotion, which it really was in the end. Uh, but that was my uh best friend's name. He was my canine partner. I was a you know military working dog handler for the Marine Corps, and uh I was fortunate enough to be paired up with this two-year-old black and tan shepherd from Germany. Uh so we had a very long uh relationship, but he didn't know anything, I didn't know anything. So we always experienced everything for the first time, and it just created this like amazing bond in the end. Um but through a long struggles of just you know a lot of patience, determination, uh, we finally made it to Afghanistan in 2010, and then that's where it clicked. You know, we just you know, that bond, as you guys know, um just happens overnight. You know, it's like once you start experiencing everything together, whether it's good, bad, um, every day attached to each other 24 hours, you know, you you're trusting your life with another person. Um with me with a dog, it was even that much more special. Uh, so I got to experience uh war with him, um, you know, and bring some smiles along the way, you know, we're on patrol and stuff too. So that's great. Can you talk more about the bond and how it developed? Yeah, so it's for me it didn't happen initially. I I didn't grow up with dogs, so I didn't really know too much about how to handle them. You know, it was always like uh, you know, scary for me, honestly. And then once I got you know through basic training and I got him, you know, he kind of pushed the limits a lot. You know, he he was very stubborn, and um, you know, dogs are smarter than we think, so it was uh hard to handle them initially. But once you learn the basics and you kind of learn his quirks, like I knew what worked for him, what didn't, and uh you kind of just build off of that. And over time I realized that it was not just about like pulling him and just teaching him the sit, teaching him the down. It was more about like the wins and the losses, you know, like going through struggle with him and then like finding a way to just like you know, you take sometimes in dog training, you take like five steps up, 20 back, you know, because like if something messes up, you got to go all the way back this way. But it teaches you a lot. And uh it wasn't until we got to Afghanistan where that bond that we talk about really, really clicked. And it was really about the amount of time we spend together. Because when we have them stateside, they're in a kennel, so they spend most of their time in a kennel, much like your rifle would in an armory. Uh so when we take them overseas, they are attached to our hip all the time, you know, everywhere you go, bathroom, you know, you're on mission, you're sleeping on the side of the row with them. Um so that creates the bond a lot stronger. You know, he trusts that you know you're the only thing in the world that matters. Um and it's it's unbreakable. You know, you get to the point where you say sit and then he pops into a sit. You know, it's just like when you're just like any other guy, you know, left to your right. If you say go left, they go left without even asking any questions. You know, it just becomes an unspeakable language. Um and like I said, with the dogs, it's just a lot stronger.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Yeah, that's an incredible bond. All the dog handlers I know I've um been blessed to work with marine dog handler like yourself, Air Force dog handler, and uh I got a good buddy of mine that was a dog handler in SF. So yeah, the bond when you speak of that is just I think people can't fully understand it. And a lot of people have dogs, but downrange, like you talked about the kennel, you are the kennel. Yes like you are their everything. And yeah, to a lot of people that have pets, they are their everything, they're the owner. But really taking ownership 24-7. A lot of people go to work. Well, guess what? He was with you at work.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

When you were doing all these things, and you did mention like their quirks, obviously in life, people have quirks, you know, dogs have quirks, there's quirks at work. How do you work through quirks or what did you find that were quirks that you were able to overcome?

From Training Struggles To Combat Trust

SPEAKER_00 4:32

Well, like he taught me, so that's interesting you brought that up because he taught me a lot just about life in general. You know, it was interesting. Like I was like initially frustrated, like, oh man, why isn't he doing this? And it it ultimately built down to that trust. It was more of the fact that he if he didn't sit because he wasn't stupid, you know, he didn't sit because like he didn't feel like it. He didn't sit because like he didn't understand the you know the picture. I didn't like clearly define it because I was anxious, you know, I was like nervous a little bit, and they pick up on that. Um, so what I learned was that the the more that we focus on what bothers us and not just you know the end result so much, uh it starts to really trip you up. So you start to like make mistakes and then you get caught along the way. So he taught me that it's like okay to just it's okay to mess up, is what I'm trying to say, right? Mistakes are okay because then you learn from them, right? We all hear that. Like you have to make mistakes in order to hit that success part. So um instead of me getting frustrated with him by not listening to me, I said, okay, why isn't he listening? Let me see what the issue is. Okay, the issue is I'm tugging on the leash a little bit too hard. Like you said when relationships, like, oh, I said something the wrong way. You know, it's not that they're not hearing me, it's just I said it the way I said it. Um so it's a way that you have to present the situation, you know, if you look back, and there's really this focus on what the actual issue is. Otherwise, you know, you're gonna just keep making the same mistake over and over again, you get frustrated, and then you're never gonna be able to see the end goal.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

No, that's fantastic. I think that's great advice for life and for the listeners. And I think something that you're you're touching on really here that is fantastic is ownership. You had to take ownership of your actions and you sending the message. Let's talk about ownership. And you can dive into this as deep as you want because obviously you were like the owner of your dog 24-7 downrange. So talk about the ownership aspect.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

Yeah, it's uh there was something they teach you too. Um, you know, as dog handlers, and I'm gonna I'm gonna relate to this a lot because it's you know the experience, um, but as dog handlers, you they teach you that that dog, that extra life is way more important than you, right? It's not about you. You know, initially when you get into the business, you're like, oh, I look so cool with the dog, you know, it's all about how we look, how how awesome we are, we're a great asset. Um, but it it's a very unselfish, you know, job to have. You know, it's really about saving the lives of others, it's about um the needs of that dog. You know, you have to be very unselfish. It takes a very certain type of individual uh to do that. And as you go through, let's say, life, you have to be unselfish in certain things in order to get things back, right? You have to be able to give a lot to others um in order to get stuff in return. So with the dog, it was always about whatever his needs were, because that's how we worked as a team. So when you're working with other people, it's always about what could I do to this to benefit me? You know, that benefit will come to you in the end. It has to be initially, what can we do for each other? What can I do for you first? You know, you can't serve yourself without serving others first. And that's something I learned. Like when we were out in patrol, it I was out front, you know, canine leads the way. We were the ones in charge, you know, to being like, hey, this is all clear, but it was always about them. I had to keep them in mind all the time, not about how this made me look or you know, how many saves or how many um fines you had. It was never about that. Um and it's that unselfish mindset that really gets you out of your own head and allows you to um be successful for others, you know, without tripping over yourself, you know. And um, that's probably the hardest thing to do is let go of that control of like how does this make me look? How does this make me feel? You know, you have to let it go to others.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

So having some of the ownership is not putting yourself first.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

That's correct. I think so, at least. Yeah. Um, you you can't wait, like let's say you're doing something, right? Like if I was doing uh a mission and I was searching and then I felt like it was something that I did, of course it's on you first. Like you have to realize where you made the mistake. Going back to the dog training thing, there was always something I did. I was always frustrated with him, I was always frustrated with the trainer, I was always frustrated with the weather, you know, but it was always on you. It always starts with you, you know. Um, you know, everyone relates to the whole analogy of like you got to put your own air mask on before you help others, you know. So like you have to, and I we'll probably touch on this later too, but I've learned the hard way that if you don't take care of yourself first, you can't take care of others. So it always begins with you, and then everything else trickles down to everybody else. So um yeah, it definitely you have to take ownership of your mistakes for sure.

Ownership, Patience, And Clear Communication

SPEAKER_01 8:54

Yeah, I I like where you're going with this because a lot of people think things are just cut and dry. You know, like I talk about ownership a lot, and yeah, you have to take ownership of your mistakes, your learning, your growth. But at times, part of that ownership is taking care of others, is doing the right thing for someone else. You know, you own that power. And I think it's incredible that you're sharing your story and you just touched on frustration. A lot of people get frustrated in the world. It's a very common human emotion. Yes. So dive deeper into what you've done to overcome those frustrations, whether it be in life, whether it be working with grief. What what do you do and what have you learned about frustration?

Frustration, Plateaus, And One-Step Progress

SPEAKER_00 9:42

Yeah, so I, you know, like we're you touched on a lot there, but getting frustrated, people get into going helping others, right? You said people get frustrated with that too. And then there's a many facets to that. So people say, Oh, I'm putting so much of my life and you know, I'm putting so much effort into this relationship, or I'm putting, I'm giving you so much, I'm doing so much for you. And then they resent it almost, and then they get frustrated. So that starts to build up these walls and it starts to build up you harden your soul more because it's like I'm not getting anything back. Um, you know, when we served it, we did it no matter what, right? We didn't go over there because we knew we were getting parades or we were gonna get benefits, or we were, you know, we didn't do that for that. I mean, we were over there, we did it for each other, and it was no issues, right? And then you come home, and then it's like you take the trash out, you know, every night of the week, and you're like, Did you take the trash out? And then you you freak, right? You're gonna explode because that frustration boils so much because you lose sight of what's really important, and that's that it doesn't matter what you you know you have to do in life, it may seem small and significant and it mounts up, but those frustrations are because you're not taking control, like you said, that ownership. You're not taking control over how you feel, right? You can only change how you feel. Like other people are gonna say things and do things because they're dealing with their own stuff too. You know, it she's asking if you didn't take the trash out again because she's frustrated about something else. It has nothing to do with you, your relationship, right? We we try to pinpoint it so much. So for me, I I went through that too, you know, and it's as far as my injuries and recovery, initially it was so hard because I had to like get better and I had to like progress physically and emotionally, and I would just push and push, and it was easy because it was like learn to walk again. Okay, it was like learn to you know jog, and then it was like lift 10 weights, you know, lift 20. And then the progression seemed easier, but then when you get to a plateau and things start to coast, that's when you start to slide off the hill a little bit. You start to slide left to right and you start to just make up these excuses, and then people are like, Oh, you're doing so well, but deep down you know you're not. And then you start to really get frustrated. Like that's where I got frustrated, is like I know I could do better, I know I could do better, but meanwhile, people are lying to you saying, Oh, you're doing so well. Um, so the thing that I had to really learn, and it's it took me very, very long and a lot of work, but I had to learn that the only thing you can control is how you feel. It's the steps. I had to go back to day one where in order to walk, I had to take one step first, right? I didn't start walking two miles initially. I had to start with one step. And I remember that moment in the hospital where she's like, we're gonna learn to walk again because I needed to go home and get out of my wheelchair, and I had to take one very difficult step. And then once I did, a week later I was sent home and I was walking by myself. So I had to really think back, and it's so hard because in daily life we get so caught up with everything that we just want to sprint, we just want the end result, we want the free bagel at the end of the marathon, you know. We don't want to go through the hard stuff, you know. So I I would say if we had to boil this down, it's you have to take one step. And if it's hard, remind yourself that one step is easier than the 40, right? We all want to take the 40 steps, but just take the one first, and I promise you it's it'll get better over time.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

This is great wisdom. And before we dive more into this wisdom, I want you to share your story because a lot of people are hearing about grief, and I they heard a little bit about you having to, you know, learn to walk again and take the steps. So what happened?

The IED Day: Loss And Survival

SPEAKER_00 13:01

Yeah, so we um I I always struggle with this portion to talk about what to talk about, you know, not trying to spoil my whole story or like what more is important. Um, but we deployed together in Afghanistan. I had a very easy deployment in the beginning, and then I guess like some deployments, they get worse over time, you know, depending on where you work, the seasons, the the climate change, everything. Um so I was working with different units, things escalated. It went to where they sent had to send about uh two dozen of us to go to Kandahar to work with the army. So they needed a high support of dogs because of the IEDs. So they sent us to Kandahar, and that's where it was really bad. You know, they definitely needed our help, and there was just gunfire, uh, mostly, you know, every other time, a lot of IEDs. Um, and incidentally, I was like never in a place where I found them. Like it was always like I'm working in an area, and they're like, hey, on the radio, we found an ID somewhere else with either a mine detector or someone ran it over. And uh we went through a lot, we saw a lot, and I got to the point, it was uh a long mission. I remember calling my wife in the morning, you know, telling her the typical, hey, I can't talk for a while, you know, got to go out, and uh was gonna go out for about two weeks. We were gonna do this big clearing operation. It even made like Wikipedia or something, it was like part of you know history. Um, so we went through this clearing operation and we were with multiple units, and a marine tanker unit, the Afghan army, and we're pushing through this area because they were gonna destroy it to turn it into like a roadway. And then we get to a spot, of course, we hear on the radio they found an ID. So that was too much. You know, day one, we were finding one, and then we're sitting there, and then I'm next to a kid, we're posted up, and then there was another IED that we're waiting to detonate. So we're sitting there talking, we're hanging out. The kid next to me is playing with grief, grief's jumping all over him, and you know, he's hanging out with him. Then he's like, hey everybody, get up, we're gonna do uh a control deck, get back to a safe distance. So we go to stand up and I go to take a three steps to my left, and an ID goes off right underneath us. Uh, I turn around and grief just missing in this cloud of smoke, and I see this hole, this crater, and this kid is inside this crater, and he's just wailing his arms and legs, and I'm like, that's odd, right? Like, no one gets hurt and then falls in a hole. Um, but then I I was like, okay, we got to get this kid out of here. So I went to check on grief. He was shook, you know, his head, he wasn't there, like the IED was too close, he wasn't paying attention, um, probably just really rocked. So I checked on him, I was like, all right, let's go search an area for the hillo to land. So we're uh we're kicking around, I'm frustrated, I'm kicking the dirt. And as I'm like doing my spiral trying to trip an IED, you know, before this helicopter lands, uh, I see them on top of a building and they're lowering the body of the kid who was sitting next to me. He was on top of an IED. Um and his name was specialist Steven DuPont, and he was you know hanging out with me in grief about five minutes earlier. So that that really like really ruined the day. So they say, hey, we're gonna get into this other building. We got to stop for the night. It's gonna get dark. So we get to this giant building, it's like 10 foot-high walls, we're going around to clear the back door. Again, grief isn't working, but I figure, you know, let me just check, you know, be there for my expertise to say, hey, can you guys just see if there's anything near the door? Uh the captain I'm with, he's trying to peel back this door off this mud building. He's yanking on it, yanking on it. The Afghans are getting all upset because we're breaking into their building, and and then he slams the door down and they're like, okay, we'll take pictures of it for evidence for some reason. They want to, you know, take pictures. So I took my camera out, I took a picture of this door, and then I took a picture of it laying down after he killed it. And then I go to take three steps to my right, right before I took the third step, everything just went white, and it just felt like I was spinning through the air. I've had like this high pitch in my ringing in my ears, and couldn't think. It felt a weird odd feeling I couldn't hear anything, couldn't like feel anything. Definitely thought I died, you know. It was like if you have to die, it was that easy, just boom. Um, but then the flipping stopped, and then I heard voices, so I realized I was alive. But now I'm thinking, okay, well, I'm definitely like a torso because I just flew like a hundred feet in the air, you know. I know what these things do to people, you know. So I'm laying there, they're they're fixing me up, and then I hear them uh, you know, call on the nine line, they're like, hey, one is wounded, one killed. So I was like, oh, it's you know, someone ran in and got tripped in the doorway or something. So as they said, one wounded one killed. I I just hear all these voices, and I'm like, wait, everyone's alive. But the one thing I didn't hear was them call out my dog's name. And they didn't say, you know, go help grief or you know, grief come, you know, help him out. So I knew right then he was killed. And uh that that didn't affect me initially at first for a lot of reasons. Um, but they're patching me up, and the one medic I was with was joking with me, he's like, dude, you're gonna be all right. And I'm like, Yeah, okay, buddy. Have you ever seen any wear movie? You know, that's that's what they tell everybody. So I thought I was out, but they they were right. I was gonna live, I was gonna be fine. They patched me up, you know, tourniquets and all limbs, and they got me on the helicopter, and I flew to Bagram and then to uh Launchstuhl, Germany, and then to Walter Reed Medical Center. And that's what started the long road of recovery. Wow, incredible.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

So did you find out the story from others? Like what happened, what'd you step on? Was it remote debt?

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Like because Yeah, based off of what I've learned and what I knew in the moment because I was conscious for the whole thing, was essentially it was in a wall waist high. So like it was right by that doorway. So the idea was they probably stacked it in there in case we were ready to get, you know, stacking into a room to clear it. You know, if they had eight guys on the doorway, they would have mangled eight of them instead of you know hurting one. So um and the idea was, I mean, you know how it is with the pressure plates. They sometimes they work, they could work 20 years later. You know, there was also observers, they said, so it could have been remote detonated, you know, and they just targeted whoever was standing next to it at the time because they had three observers that they wound up arresting, I guess. And I asked my buddy uh several months later, I was like, whatever happened with that. And they're like, Oh, we dropped like a 500-pound bomb on that building, like we just left. So that allegedly it was like, I guess, like the bad guy's hideout or something. So it wind up being, I guess, a good thing we didn't sleep there. Um, but yeah, tough day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

Yeah, no, absolutely. And I think people don't understand how IEDs can work, too. Like you said, in the wall. Most people think of an IED in the road.

Processing Trauma And The Meaning Of Grief

SPEAKER_00 19:05

Mostly, yeah. Floor, yeah, on the ground. Yep. And I very rarely, I mean, you had a lot of that in Iraq. I'm sure Ms. You guys knew uh, you know, because they it was more there was more walls, I guess. You know, there's like we didn't have many buildings. Um, but they usually put them up high or waist high, um, getting guys in through alleys and stuff. So that was more common, I guess. But it's usually in the ground because it's easier to hide it that way. Um, but yeah, and then these things would go off. Like, I can't tell you how many times we clear an area or go over something, or you know, we I'd clear an area one day, and then next day it's almost like they were watching us and knew that we cleared it. So like they were like, We're they're not gonna clear the same area every day, you know. So then the next day someone walks over that and it goes off, you know. Um, and it's it's it's crazy. I mean, there's like what you can you do, right? Um and that like I said, that could have been a situation where they just touched at the right time where they they wanted to get me because I was a dog handler, whatever the case was. Yeah, and it was funny, but it's not it's not funny at all. But um you brought up the fact that they're usually on the ground. I remember I was laying in the hospital and one of the new nurses, she was like a boot lieutenant, nurse or whatever, you know, and she opens the sheets up and she's like, Oh my god, you have legs. And I was like, Yeah, because everybody didn't, you know, they I was I was so mangled up, and then she saw I had real legs, and yeah, there's everybody just, you know, it was unbelievable. It's just typical to have no legs or a missing one, and you know, so that was tough. It's super tough.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

And I only brought up the the you know, IED or improvised explosive device because they're improvised. People don't realize they just think, oh, roadside bomb. No, they're set up on doors, they're set up like you said, in a wall, because they know, hey, we're gonna stack on the wall before we breach and go in. So there's so many variables, and I think it's just a great life lesson. Don't get I don't know whether you want to say tunnel vision or blinders on where you just think, oh, it's just this. You know, it's only gonna be in the road, or oh, my only challenge is to get and do this. No, life's gonna throw you curveballs, you know, you've seen it, you've dealt with it. So this all happens now. You have to process this. What was that like?

Faith, Control, And Mental Health

SPEAKER_00 21:15

Um well, the physical stuff to me was easy, like I said, because you you have no choice. You're laying there, I couldn't move anything, you know, you're all bandaged up, and you know, you do what you can do, and you just focus on that initially. Like I said, it's very easy initially because all I could do is move my finger so I could like scroll on the internet on my iPad. You know, that's all I could do. If all I could do is like control my motor control car, we're gonna go, you know, zoom in down the hallways, you know. Um, so you just focus on what you can do. Now, mentally, and I I learned this more later on, but like mentally it wasn't that bad either because you're so numb to everything, you know, you're so numb to focusing on multiple things. Like everyone's like, Oh, was it painful? I said, I didn't feel any pain during the explosion. There there was a little bit of a fire going on in my like undershorts, you know, and that was an actual thing. There was a fire there, but that everything else was nothing. I think it was because there were so many injuries that I couldn't process it. You know, your brain just doesn't understand, you know, when you stub your toe, like the world ends. You know what I mean? Like you want to kill yourself. But yeah, I had like 45,000 injuries that were like that severe, so it was like my brain couldn't process it. I didn't feel any pain. But then, you know, they shoot you up with every medication under the sun. So not only does that like help the pain side, but it also numbs you mentally, too. So you don't get to process things very well. It wasn't until uh two weeks or so later, like I said, my wife went to the mall. She got the first generation iPad, and I'm scrolling through Facebook, and I see a picture of me in grief. It's just this beautiful picture of us at a training site, my hands in the air, we're about to get a bite, and I just started crying. It just felt like my face was melting, my heart hurt, and it just felt like I can't believe he's not here. You know, all of the emotions just rushed in. It was just like this door opened and just flooded the room. And um, it was tough and seeing all the comments from people and all the things they said. And that was the first real time I realized like I lost him. And then I went through some phases of that, but again, you're you're distracted by all the stuff you're going through. Um, you know, you're you're medicated. So again, that had a lot to do with it. Um, and that goes on for a long time. So uh yeah, but and over time I realized that this is part of why I wrote the book too. Everyone's like, oh, you wrote it to make yourself feel better. And I was like, no, I actually wrote it for others, you know, to really understand that like it's okay to go through hard times, blah, blah, blah. But then at the end side of it, it's like it's not something like grief isn't something that happens and then goes away. Like he didn't just deploy me and then die. Losing somebody or losing a job or losing anything in life just doesn't happen, and then you have to get over it. Like you live with it for the rest of your life. Like you survive with it, and it's something that you carry with you. Um, just like the injuries or scars that we have, whether it's physical or not, um, that's what you have to like you know, hone in on and uh get you through life every day. It's just that it's a part of you. So and it just shows how much you actually love that thing or that person, and it makes you a better person in the end when you realize that's something you can carry with you and not leave behind.

SPEAKER_01 24:07

Very well said. Very well said. I can't say that. And I'm proud of you for sharing your story, brother. I mean, to be able to put yourself out there, it it's a hard thing to do, especially when we've been kind of trained to just be selfless and do our job and stay in our lane and to really expose yourself and share your emotions and what you went through. You know, thank you for doing that. I know you're helping people, you're inspiring people. And anybody here, please, you're listening, stop, pause, go in the description, go find out about Alfred, what he's doing, follow him, like him, share his stuff, share this episode with people that you think need to hear it. Please give us a like and subscribe. We're trying to do positive things here so you can do a positive thing and give us a like or a share. So now getting back into this, you're saying you saw the picture. There he was. It hit you. So you're saying like, wow, he's not here, but what followed after that? Because I'm sure it wasn't just the oh, he's not here. There there was must must have been so much more going on.

Self-Awareness And Growth Through Service

SPEAKER_00 25:12

Yeah, there was uh moments of like uh what could I you know, you go through the what could I have done? Um, you know, I had like dreams that he was still around. Um, you know, there definitely the side of it, and it was super, you know, it's super common, I think, for people to feel that. And and I don't everyone asked if I had survivor's guilt. I don't know if it was so much that, but it was just like, what could you have done differently? You know, like uh the kid I mentioned, Steven, who was sitting next to me who was killed. He was sitting on essentially an IED. My dog was jumping all over him, playing with him. And moments after that happened, we were doing like cleanup, secondary searches, and then one of the sergeants came up to me and he goes, Why didn't Grief smell that or find it? And it's like the one question that you don't want to get as a canine handler because you know these dogs are proven not perfect, you know what I mean? And not to mention uh he's sitting on it, the dog's jumping all over him, you know what I mean? It's just like the whole scenario, and you can't trip yourself up with that. You know, you have to it hardens your soul, it hardens your heart a little bit, but you have to pack you have to package that up and send it away because there's nothing you could have done. There's absolutely nothing. And sometimes that's okay to say that, it's not like a cop-out. Sometimes you have to realize that like what you did was enough. Um, it's how you react to things, it's not something you could have done. Um, you can't change the past, obviously, so you can't live there. Um, and that's where I struggled that a little bit. It's like, what could I have done differently with the grief thing? And I'm thinking nothing. He was blown up, you know, hours before. He wasn't even searching. You know, he I were walking out of an area. If they targeted me, they targeted me. You know, it was like in my head, it was like weird. It was almost like it was always meant to be. And I, you know, as somebody of faith, that got me through deployment. Is that, you know, when you your first time outside the wire or anything you jump into for the first time and you're scared, you feel like you're gonna die, you feel like the world's gonna end, you're full of anxiety, then what? That goes away, right? Because of complacency. So like that goes away. And every day I just had to rely on faith, and you get shot at, and then like something else trips you back up, and then you have to rely on the one thing that'll always get through it, is that you're not in control. Like, I believe that there's a bigger plan out there for you, and there's a huge part of living as humans and having good mental health, is that a part of it is, you know, the spiritual side. You know, you have to be healthy in the body, the mind, and the spirit, and it's a real thing. I don't care what you believe in, I don't care what your religion is, you need to have that trinity all working together. And that helped me get through a lot in deployment. But when I was hurt, it was almost as if it was like that feeling of floating to heaven and dying really made me feel like, wow, this was it. That was easy. I was supposed to die. Like there, my family will settle but Memorial Day instead. And then I'm laying there and I'm like, oh boy, I'm still alive. Okay, well, now I'm gonna live with no legs, you know. Like, oh, whatever you want from me, God, I'm here. Like this, and it was like it was always meant to be because that's how I got through deployment. So it's not like when I got hurt, it just went out the window. You know, that faith got me through the moment and then all the other tough moments over time. And then, like I said, you start to forget as you get complacent, you know, it just goes away. And then you get normal and you get comfortable, then you start taking control of your life again, like, oh, I'm doing so well. Look at me. Let me see if I can get more of a pat in the back somewhere else. Then kind of God knocks you back on your butt and says, No, like it's not up to you, it's up to me, you know. So uh I had to learn that very hard, you know, lesson over the last several years, too. And um, I think if you constantly realize that you can keep control your mind and your body, but like realize that like if you just have to have faith with the other one, the other one's a gift, it's free. You know, you don't have to do much, you just have to give it up to him, and uh, you know, that really helps.

Practical Advice For Dark Valleys

SPEAKER_01 28:38

No, that's powerful, very powerful and well said once again. You're full of a lot of knowledge, and I I want to thank you definitely for coming on here and sharing your knowledge, your experiences. You have so much self-awareness, stepping back, being objective, looking at things. Where did this self-awareness come from? Was it religion? Did you have a mentor? What what happened?

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Um, I think it was mostly faith. I like I always like was founded on I was I grew up Catholic, you know, so like everyone who's listening to this is Catholic is like, oh, I get it, you know, like so you have that structure, and so yeah, it was grew up Catholic, went to church, so I was always exposed to it. I knew the story, I knew the Bible. Um, but what I'd never understood was like a relationship. You know, it's more of a relationship with obviously Jesus and like God. Um, again, with different religions, it's your own thing, but it's more of a relationship, and that's really what having faith is about, right? Like faith isn't going to church, faith isn't, you know, going to confession and telling a stranger all your horrible secrets. You know, that's not faith, that's a transactional duty, you know, that's like a routine. Um, but yeah, I learned that it's more of a relationship. It's more like, you know, when you're growing up, you like just trust your mom or dad that they're gonna be there to protect you because it's instinctive, like it's a relationship, it's a love, it's that unconditional love. And that's what it is with God and Jesus. That's what it is. And um we lose sight of that because we think we can do our own thing, right? Like when a kid thinks he can do his own thing, he said to get in trouble. And then the parents have to reel them back in, you know? Like, trust me, I got this, you know. But then sometimes they'll let you get hurt to learn, you know, and that's what God does. So it's it's really a relationship. Um, so I think it's like between my I say the a horrible word, but like evolutionary change through like, you know, going from Catholic and sheltered to boot camp, then having to go to church on Sunday, and everyone does the same thing, you know, it doesn't matter where you come from, and being around other people, working with different countries, working with different services, right? Like we get out of the Marine Corps, we're the best, we're awesome. But then you go to Air Force and we're all in the same, you know, we're all working together, and you learn that it's not about yourself, it's about the dog. And I'm working with Navy guys and army guys, and you start to learn that it's like it doesn't matter what you're wearing, it doesn't matter anything, like we're all the same people. Um, so I guess the self-awareness just becomes like I was very blessed to have a lot of experiences that transformed my outlook and worldview on things, and it kind of just kept changing over time. So that's kind of where it came from. No, that's great.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

So this change and growth, let's talk about that. For someone that's you know listening to us right now speak and you're sharing your story, and they're going through struggles. How would you advise them or help them?

Writing The Book And Owning The Story

SPEAKER_00 31:12

I well, the one thing I can tell you is no matter what you're going through, uh, it's not as bad as you think. And I think that's very true. And a lot of people are gonna say, like, well, you you know, you don't know what I'm going through. It's really heavy. And I'm like, the only reason why I can say that confidently is because there's always something worse than what you're going through right now. I don't care what it is. Like you're struggling at work, you're struggling in your relationship with your wife, your friends, or whatever. It might seem like the end of the world, um, but there it can be worse, like absolutely can be. And then the ultimate thing is you could not be here. You know, if you're not alive, you you can't experience any of this. Um, so part of living is having the good and the bad. You know, there's there's parts in between. Um, I've learned that. Like I went through the ups and downs, and I went through the peaks and the valleys. And whenever I got into the valleys and the dark parts of my life, I tried to just kind of embrace it. You know, it was like, well, I'm a failure, so I'm gonna keep on failing. You know why? It's way easier to keep failing than it is to do anything about it. Um, and I didn't want to shine a light on it. I wanted to stay in the dark because I was comfortable. Um, but the only way you're gonna get through it and have growth is to be uncomfortable. That's it. You know, it's like day after we all graduated boot camp, it was the greatest day of our lives. And that's all we remember from bootcamp, right? Like when you think back, you don't really remember the feeling of being in the mud and like crying and waking up at three. Like, I can remember getting my eagle globe in anchor or like hugging my wife. That's what I remember from bootcamp. So, like, I promise you, no matter what you're going through, you'll not remember this going back. Like, it's going to get better because at the end, there's going to be a light that's going to shine over that darkness. I promise. But it has to start with a step, it has to start with one thing. That's why, and I related to this a lot because it's very basic, but like that's why they have this 12-step program. It's an outline thing. People going through dark times with addiction or all these other uh issues. They have to give them a starting point, right? Day one, this is what you do. Step one, right? I've said it before, it has to start with one step before you can run a marathon. And uh that's what I've learned is like you have to realize that it's just one step. And you know, just recently I was like doing some stuff and like, oh, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do that. Like the other day, I was like, didn't want to work out, but I just went down and I even if it's for eight minutes, like I didn't do the best work, I didn't do really anything. I didn't feel like I did much, but I did a couple things for eight minutes, and then I got up and it was like it was half butt, but at the same time, it made me feel better. And like that one win carried me through the rest of the day. Um, so you have to start with the smallest, smallest thing. Um, you know, growth is going to start with you realizing one that you're in a tough place. And sometimes you, if you're comfortable enough to tell somebody, tell them, right? It may not be your wife, it may not be a pastor, it might be your best friend, might be the internet. Google it. You know, ask, ask AI. You know, what do I do to get out of this rut? And you know, just say it's because once it's out there, you shine the light on it, and now you can address it, right?

SPEAKER_01 34:02

So yeah, that's great. And that's back to that self-awareness. You gotta have self-awareness. If you're going through, and I'm sure you know anybody who served understands the droning, like you're just droning, going through the motions. You don't want to do that. Having self-awareness is gonna change a lot, and I think that's part of your story. And speaking your story or speaking about it, surviving with grief. Tell us about writing the book and what was that like and sharing it and putting it out there.

The Power Of Your Circle

SPEAKER_00 34:32

Yeah, it was a process. I didn't have like any idea to I didn't have any aspirations to write a book. Um when I was overseas, I kept a journal. You know, I just like wrote down stuff just to tell stories when I got home. When I got back, obviously you're going through therapy, they have multiple ways of doing it. Like I stared at the screen with the lights going back and forth, and you know, they tried to hypnotize me or whatever. But they're like, write down your feelings in a notebook, you know, see if you can recount the day. If you talk about the details of the day, maybe that'll help. And it was like six, seven pages, because God willing, I remembered the entire incident, you know, from the whole thing. So I wrote all the details down and she read it, she started crying, and she's like, Go write a book about this. And that's what started the idea. I played with it. Once the title popped in, I told um, you know, my kennel master, my staff sergeant, a great friend who's still to this day, but he was there when I got hurt, and I told him the title of it, and he's like, That's awesome. Go write the book. He's like, do it. And you know, it kind of lit a fire in me. And over time I played with it, and there's like jotted things down and uh had to change a lot, went through the editing process, no editor, no publisher. I wanted to I wanted to make sure I touched everything myself. I wanted to handle it front to back because I know I've been involved with that a little bit before, and you tell them a story and they change it all. So I don't know if you're familiar with that, but you know, you could be like Corporal so-and-so got hurt, and they're like, Sergeant so-and-so got hurt. You know, they get the smallest details wrong, or I've had people tell my story and they're saying grief jumped in front of the IED and like saved my life, and I'm just like, no, that didn't happen. You know what I mean? Like they they try to embellish it, right? So I didn't want to do that, and um, I did it, and then I COVID hit. I was doing real estate at the time, in between, I just most of the book, but then COVID hit, we all drank for a year, and then I was like, I gotta start doing this again. I'm not going back to real estate, and I dove headfirst, just finished it, and in 2023 I released it. Nice. So did you self-publish? Yes, yeah. I did a lot of research, like thank god for YouTube University, because that's like the best thing in the world. You just, you know, how do I do this? And then there's a million people just like this is how you do it. They give you the format, the steps. Um, so I just did it on Microsoft Word and then you know published it to KDP, which is Amazon. So uh yeah, it's real easy. I mean, anybody could do it, you could publish anything as long as it's not anything crazy in there, they publish it for you. So it was it worked out really nice. Well, that's fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

Um I'm so proud of you, man, for doing that. And thanks. I like what you're sharing too, and I don't know whether you really shared it knowingly. I just think it comes natural to you. You talked about your sergeant and people around you that were supportive. Can we talk and touch on that subject as far as surrounding yourself with good people?

When Someone Has No Support

SPEAKER_00 37:10

Well, absolutely. I I've it's the most important thing in the entire world, I think. It's a you know, you get in the real world, right? Like the civilian sector, like networking's everything, you know, it's all about who you know. Um, and I I never knew how true it was until like you experienced it. And um, I was very, very blessed. Everyone's like, oh, how did you get through this tough time? I'm like, to be honest with you, it was a lot of faith, a lot of perseverance, but mostly the love and support from the people around me. My dad was fortunate enough to take off of work um while I was hurt. He was living at the hospital. My wife lived at the hospital the whole time she was there, you know. She almost went to Germany, you know, so they were very willing to be around. She lived, yeah, they put her up in like a little apartment place down there, and she lived there. And the two of them did shifts, but uh, she was there the whole time, you know, helping me through it all. And like I said, when we got out, we got home, um, she was doing everything for me, you know, wiping me, shower, you know, everything. She just sponge bathed me. And I couldn't have done it without the love and support with the people around me. And then, you know, the military was like, Well, what do you want to do? Do you want to stay in? You can work a desk at the hospital or do whatever. And I was like, No, I want to go back to my unit, you know, I want to see my guys and I want to go back to the kennels. And, you know, I couldn't handle the dog anymore, but just wobbling around there and trying to tell them essentially what not to do. You know what I mean? Like, don't do this. Um, that's so I so I went back there and you know, I was working with them a little bit, did some training, and just being around them was huge too. But I you you have to have it. You need to surround yourself with good people. It's very, very important because they're they're the only way you have a relationship with them is if you emulate each other or you feed off each other or you have common ground, right? Like if you want to you go out drinking every night, then hang out with a bunch of guys who go out drinking. Um, you know, like I I we all done it, right? We all went through the drinking phase or whatever. I don't drink anymore, but I can't tell you the feeling I got when I went into a liquor store and I was surrounded by people, and I'm not judging anybody, but I was surrounded by people who you could tell aren't fit. You can tell who aren't healthy, right? Like they're walking in or covered in dirt, they worked their ass off all day, and they're just, you know, they smell, and and then here I am, like trying to be this like upstanding individual, and it just seemed didn't seem like it fit, right? Like, but I still did it, you know, I still wanted to do it. Um, but it's just what you surround yourself with. And I never was like a bar person. Um, but you st it did like you go to church, right? Even if you're not a church goer, you go to church, you're most likely coming out feeling good, right? You're gonna, you know, even if you're not a church person, you're gonna nitpick the heck out of it, but you're still gonna feel great, right? You're still gonna feel good complaining about how that was. Um I had uh so real quick story when I was in the hospital, one of my roommates, he was there for several months because he was not doing well mentally. And he wasn't that bad physically. He had an issue with his foot. He was next to his buddy who was killed when he got hit by an IED. And you know, his room was all set up here. He had Xbox, he had all this stuff. He was like moved in because he wasn't going anywhere. And nobody in his family visited. You know, whether they had issues or not, or they just couldn't make it. It didn't matter. I don't know what the relationship was, but they just weren't there all the time. My family was there every weekend. My wife was there 24 hours a day. And, you know, my dad would go in with my little brother and they'd hang out with him. They'd talk to him. And, you know, he just didn't have anybody. He had nobody in his circle, like nobody in his unit, you know. And I noticed that a lot with the infantry units, a lot of like, you know, your conventional units, they they have these big groups and they lose guys left and right and then like they separate. You know, once you go to the hard stuff, they come back. They don't, I mean, they're tight, but it's not as easy when you have like smaller knit groups that, you know, basically, you know, there's 20 of you that love each other. Um, and he was a part of that. He was a regular grunt guy, and I just felt like he felt that feeling of no purpose, like no family, no unit, no nothing. And now he just felt like he was missing and he had survivor's guilt. So it's extremely important to surround yourself with people who not only support you, but like love and care for you, you know.

SPEAKER_01 41:01

All right. So let's talk about what if you're like that guy in that room and you don't have anybody, where where would you go find them? What what advice would you someone that's stuck in a victim mentality and feels alone? I mean, yeah, go to church, but what else would you give them for advice like?

Everyday Engagement And Small Gestures

SPEAKER_00 41:20

Um, you know, it's tough. I think because um we were talking about accountability and like being self-aware. When you're in a rut like that, and I've been through some tough times to the point where I almost like destroyed my life. And unless you have someone intervene or help, you almost will never get out of that. So I'm not saying that's how far gone he was, but being that there that long on Suicide Watch, like you're not doing well. And the doctors are there just to babysit you, they're not there really to like push you, you know, or to help you get better because they're vested in certain ways. Um, but I don't I don't know if it's necessarily something you can do. I think it really falls on the people around you. So I'm speaking to everyone who's seen this before. I'm speaking to everyone who knows that has somebody like this in their family or somebody at work who doesn't speak all the time. Um they might not be sociable, but they also might have something going on. So I'm I'm encouraging people that if you see or understand or notice that somebody might not be going through a good time, you need to ask what's up. You need to ask them a question. I don't like I'm not saying you have to sit them down and be like, yo, are you on drugs? Or like, hey, do you need to go to a program? Or hey, are you not feeling good today? Like just say, hey, what did you do this weekend? Like, hey, like I like your shirt. You know, it'd just be the smallest conversation. Like when my I was there, this kid was stuck there playing video games all the time, super depressed. My dad would just say, What do you like to do? What kind of games do you like? You know, and he would na he would nag them and play bell of brother, but he inserted himself into that situation, and that's how I learned all this, right? Because guess what? I wasn't talking to him. You know, he didn't talk to me. So it was until my dad reached out and said, Hey, what do you like to do? What kind of games do you like? And then you can see his personality change. You know, it needs to come from everyone else. Because I don't know, it's very difficult for you. I can't sit here and say, hey, if you're not feeling good today, you gotta snap out of it. You know, that's I don't think that's how it works. It falls on the people, everyone else, you know. That's why you have that brotherhood mentality. So in the Marine Corps or any branch of service, it's very easy because if someone's slacking or falling off to the side, they get kicked in the butt, you know, and you you're held accountable, you held each other accountable. Um, so they're strength in numbers. Uh, but when you get out, that's why people struggle because they don't have that anymore. They're they feel alone, they feel isolated. Um, I I feel that sometimes, but then my buddy did the same thing, he feels it too. We'll go out and have lunch one time in a year, and it's like it changes our lives. You know, you just get that everything rushes back to the surface. You get those dopamine hits, the healthy ones of, oh, I remember this. Oh, we would go to the commissary, make fun of boots for an hour, and then like that makes us feel good for like a long time. But like, that's what you need. And again, if you and I tell people all the time, like I've started to get better at it, but like if you have an urge or an itch to reach out to somebody, do it. I don't care if it's your mom or dad you haven't talked to in a while, a friend that you haven't heard from in years, like just reach out. Worst that's gonna happen is you're not gonna talk to them again. You're already doing that, so you know.

SPEAKER_01 44:04

I think that's fantastic, and I think this is an angle that we're getting to share today on the Asset Mindset podcast that a lot of people don't think about. Engagement. You need to engage those that are suffering or dealing with victim mentality or whatnot. Engage with them, interact, see where they're meet them where they're at. Those things can be game-changing for an individual. I love when you're talking about your dad just asking questions about the video games, and you could see this I don't know, was he a Marine or soldier or anything? Marine, yeah. I think he was Marine. This Marine, his personality changed. Oh, yeah, changed. Just from questions and being engaged. So that's a lesson for everybody out there. Engage with others. You see somebody that's struggling, engage. Talk to them. It doesn't have to be a ton of things. A smile. How are you doing? I love the I like your shirt. Yeah. That's gonna make anybody feel better, you know? Who doesn't like a compliment on their shirt?

Purpose, Speaking, And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 45:04

You know, like you know, keep it be don't be too creepy, but yeah. Topical Marine, had to go there. You're mine. Had to go creepy. No serious part. That's the military stuff. That's the belt, yeah. That's the military stuff, you know. No, no, absolutely. Yeah, you got humor. We use it all the time. Yes, I try to make people laugh, and I see they're struggling, struggling, and like, oh boy, this isn't working, like something's got, but you gotta like try just gotta do it. Like if you have an itch, like that itch, you gotta do it. Like, and I I know it's very easy and people tell me, Oh, you're just an extrovert, it's easier for you. And I'm like, Yeah, but it's not that hard to smile or say thank you sometimes. Like because a lot of people just dismiss each other, you know. And the one person you just dismissed, you know, if someone holds a door open for you and you walk through it, don't say thank you, that person might be on this last nerve and might be like, That's it, I'm going, you know, I'm that's the end of my life. So you just interact with people, stay engaged. You know, we're so stuck in social media and the internet technology, all that is just sucking our social life out of us, and we really need to just engage with each other. And again, one step at a time. It doesn't, I'm not saying you have to go and give a speech or hold an intervention. Just say thank you, smile, nice shirt, you know, a little pat on the butt on the way out the door or whatever. No, don't do that. Had to go there again. Do I need to send you some crayons? You know, it's not even November 10th yet, and I'm gonna get the crayon joke for the next week.

SPEAKER_01 46:30

That's fantastic. So you're doing great things now. What do you see in your future? Like, where are you going? What's what's next for Alfred?

Vulnerability As Real Strength

SPEAKER_00 46:40

That's a good question. I'm still figuring it out. I'm in school right now, so it took me like I got into the Marine Corps because of college. You know, they were like, what do you want to do in college? I go, I don't know. So they're like, we'll pay for it. So I was like, cool. So then I did that. I'm shipping away. I just got my associates. Now I'm at a four-year real college and I'm trying to get my bachelor's, and then uh we'll see how much of a benefit. I'll probably go to school until my benefits run out, and then you know, and when they stop paying for it is when I'll stop going, and then we'll see if any jobs come up. I'm kind of doing it for that reason, but also I feel like that's just what they do, you know. In order to get a good job, you need a good degree, so that's why I'm doing that. Um, but I don't know. I I had the book out, and initially I got caught up on like, you know, like every just author in general, they're like, Oh, I can't wait to make a million dollars and give all these keynotes everywhere. And then you realize, nope, you're not doing that. Like, I I think I paid for gas this week and that's it. You know, it's it's very uh it's not as that much, but then I got caught up on it, and then I realized it's not about the sales and it never was. It's not about me, it's never about me, it's about others, it's about pushing this message out so I can probably give something back, you know. I've done speeches in the past where I would speech and then like maybe it doesn't land and I'm because I'm still new at it, but I'd have two or people come up to me and like it changed my life, just the reaction that they had. Like they said, what you just said changed me my perception on everything, and I'm gonna change my life around. Now, whether they're doing that or not, it doesn't matter. Like reaching people, connecting with people, and that's what I really want to do. Um, my ultimate goal is to be a public speaker. I'd love to give speeches um on any content just to be able to help um, you know, whatever through my story or relating it to them in other ways. So I'd like to do that. I've been doing it, I just like to get paid for it because then I'll have to get like a real job. You know, my wife's always like, when are you gonna start working? You know? The living off the benefit stuff is getting old, you know. So yeah, we'll see. We'll see what happens. But that's kind of what I want to do. Uh keep going and do my degree, do things like this. I I love sitting down and doing podcasts, but this is just amazing to be able to reach more people. And I've done a lot of podcasts recently because I realize it's the fastest way to reach people and you know it doesn't take much, but yeah, it's been very enjoyable just to share the message. Um, and then you know, as far as the it was funny you brought this up about how men, in general, men struggled with this, but about being so tough and strong and hardened, and we're trying to teach them to be more vulnerable. Um, and like if you read the book, it I kind of was nervous even putting it out there because it makes me look like a wimp. Like it makes me look like a a scared little kid, because which I was, you know, there was moments where like, you know, we're Marines, you know, we got the big S on our chest, and I got a badass dog. But when you're going to deploy and you think every step you're gonna take, you're gonna die, or you just watch somebody get blown to pieces, you know, it changes you. And I wanted to be as vulnerable as possible. Um, so I just that's part of my thing, is it's like, you know, we we're pretty awesome people, but like deep down, we also, you know, it you have like a very soft spot, and you have to kind of own it a little bit because that allows you to to be tough in situations where you can be tough, but also be soft when you need to be soft so that you can live that versatile life and be able to like touch on your feelings, but also go out and you know, kick indoors. It's it's good to be that because otherwise you're just gonna be you know stuck being so hardened that you can't have those relationships or do those things you want to do. Yeah, it makes it a lot more difficult.

SPEAKER_01 49:58

You know, you're a human being, you have all the emotions. Everybody does. You can wall them up, you know, you can lock them up, but that's not healthy. You got to share that. And by you sharing, you're you know, you're inspiring others and giving other people the opportunity to do it. So I commend you for that. And the one thing I'm gonna, I guess, try and mentor you a little bit, passion and purpose. You have passion, I can see it in you. Now get your purpose. You want to speak, that's what you're gonna do. Don't be like, I'm gonna get some job. No, man. Chase your dreams. You wanted to be a marine, you went, did it, you made it happen. You know, you had this thought, and other people said some things and planted seeds in your head about being an author, you know, you did it. Passion and purpose. Find them, just go for it. You never know where it's gonna go. You know, you're you're a wise, wise guy already. Not well, yeah, you're a wise guy because I'm from Jersey.

SPEAKER_00 50:54

I'm from Jersey.

SPEAKER_01 50:56

Nice. Yeah. But seriously, man, you know, you you got a great message, you know, you have passion, no, find your purpose and just keep pushing, man. I love it. Appreciate that a lot. Yeah. You know, like you're you're doing it already by putting yourself out here, being on the show. And speaking of that, don't forget to like, follow, and subscribe. Don't forget to go in the description, check out Alfred. You see, we're doing good things. This is a positive podcast. Please just give us a little positive love back. Give us a like, follow, and share. So I definitely will.

SPEAKER_00 51:31

I I thought you were yelling at me to do that. I thought you were telling me right now to do it. Yeah, you need to do that too. Of course. I've I've seen your stuff, it's amazing. I love it.

Three Rules Of The Asset Mindset

SPEAKER_01 51:39

So thank you. And it's not all me. Denny behind the scenes is an amazing man. I I've been blessed, have an amazing guest. Um, it's like we talked about earlier: surround yourself with good people. You know, that's I break down my three simple rules. Number one, take ownership of your life, realize you are your greatest asset. Two, surround yourself with good people and good environments. And three, be a good person and good asset to others. You do those three things, you're gonna have a successful life. And that's absolutely the asset mindset philosophy. And you have it, man. You're you're growing it. Uh I can't thank you enough for being on here, being on the show. But before we go, I want to ask you, what do you attribute most of your success to?

Passion With Purpose And Closing

SPEAKER_00 52:24

Well, that's deep. That's super deep. Um, that's tough. I um I I'd say uh it's interesting that you said passion and purpose. I think what attributes most of my success is to do something you're passionate about with a purpose. You know, it's you you kind of coined it, um, but anything that I've found to be successful, I found that I was passionate about, right? Like I didn't want to be a Marine, but when I did it, it was always that challenge and that push, and I got passionate about it. I love being with the guys, I love running, I love getting a 300 PFT. And you know, I was just very passionate about it, so it became easy. I got premaritoriously promoted, you know, I went and deployed, I didn't like being with a dog. I sc I was scared of them. And then I got I became passionate about it. Like learning dog language was addicting, and then that bond that I found was something I could never experience before. I became so passionate about it, and it became my life. And it's starting to give me a purpose. Um, and like you said, you can't do one without the other. Yeah, you could have a purpose to go take the trash out, but nobody's passionate about it, you know. And then you could have passion, but if you have no direction to put it, you know, like end goals, it's not it's not really, it's more of a dream than anything. So um, yeah, I'd say that's really it. So I appreciate the hint, but that's exactly what it is.

SPEAKER_01 53:38

No, that's great. Well, I want to thank you again for being on here. I'm proud of you. You're doing great things. Everybody don't forget to check out Alfred and what he is doing. Go on his Instagram, everywhere, get his book, please. Go to Amazon, check his book out, surviving with grief. And thank you again for being here, following the show, and everybody out there. Like, follow, and subscribe, and definitely share this with somebody who needs to hear it. And more important than anything, own your power.