EP63: The Man in the Mirror Is Your First Patient

This past Memorial Day weekend, I stood ten feet away from Michael Murphy's dad while doing the Murph workout named after his son. Murphy was a Navy SEAL killed in Afghanistan at 29 years old. His dad drove to a CrossFit gym on a Monday morning to watch strangers honor him. I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

In this episode I talk about what that experience, along with doing a rainy 5K with my son Brody, made me realize about leadership. Not practice leadership. Personal leadership. The kind that happens at 5 AM when nobody's watching and you're negotiating with yourself about whether to get up.

My 2025 theme has been Hard to Kill. I've spent time this year training with Mark Divine and Tim Kennedy, two guys who have shaped how I think about showing up in the hard moments. This episode is the result of all of it coming together in one weekend.

If you walked into your practice this week a little slow, a little behind, giving your team permission to coast, this one's for you. And if you showed up exactly how you wanted to, this one's for you too.

The man in the mirror is always your first patient. Make sure you like what you see.

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Transcript

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This is the Austin Cohen Podcast where we talk real strategies for chiropractors ready to grow beyond the adjustment. If you're building a business, developing your leadership, and trying to build wealth without burning out, you are in the right place. Let's get to work Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode what is up everybody? Welcome back, Austin Cohen Podcast. Hopefully everyone had a, relaxing, also did some traditions for Memorial Day weekend. Would love that for all of you based on obviously why we celebrate Memorial Day. Not so much, maybe a celebration, but more so an honor and recognition of those who fought for us so we can have what we have. And so that's really... I gotta talk about this weekend and some of the lessons behind it. I think this is one of those podcasts you're gonna listen to and look back and say, "I needed to hear that when I heard it." And, I feel like I've gotten this message from a lot of you as time has gone on. You've said to me, "That was the message I needed to hear that week." And of course, these come out every Tuesday, and there's a different message that comes. And this message today is what I wanna talk about some stuff that happened this past weekend. And I'm not saying this-- a-and it's all about Memorial Day. I'm not talking about from a, when people see a flag, they look at it like a political thing, right? Like I-I'm talking about just pure, honestly, like what happened this weekend over Memorial Day, and I've just had this experience that I cannot think-- stop thinking about, and I wanna share with all of you. But before I share that with you, let me give you some context into this. Because in twenty twenty-two, I-- and by the way, I do this every year. But in twenty twenty-two, my theme for twenty twenty-two was hard to kill It's a phrase that I filter every decision I make into my life. And usually by October is when, for those that know me well, October is when I plan my year, I do my five Ps, and I set my intention for the upcoming year. It's how I show up in my business, it's how I show up in my family, it's how I train. Everything was built around the theme of hard to kill. And this to me was more of a commitment, and the idea was very simple. If you are hard to kill physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, nothing that comes at you can take you down. You become resilient and durable. You do not break under pressure. And that was something I wanted to lean into based on the growth I was expecting to have and what I wanted to step into in the next version of my life. And I spent time that year training with some people who I deeply respect. Mark Divine, unbelievable experience. I got to train with him in August of 2022. He's a former Navy SEAL commander. He started a company many of you may have heard of called Unbeatable Mind. And the philosophy around Unbeatable Mind is he teaches you about developing mental toughness and essentially having a warrior spirit without ever being reckless about it. And that is true discipline. And I wanted to experience that close up. And that's where I was able to do Kokoro and show up and do twenty-four hours of just pure hell we built into twenty-four hours where we started with six guys and only two of us finished. That was that experience, and that was that year and that phrase. The other experience I did was with Tim Kennedy, Green Beret, professional fighter, and got to train with his group in January doing jujitsu training, pistol training, rifle training in There's so much I gained from it, which was all about clarity, but that man has a clear sense of who he is and what he stands for. And one thing he doesn't do is drift or negotiate with comfort. And I was reading books, from guys like David Goggins. I was reading books from some guys in the-- many of you heard like the Battle of Gandamak. I was reading stories from Marcus Luttrell, who's the lone survivor, who the Murph is the reason Marcus Luttrell is alive today. Many of you guys know the guy who killed Osama bin Laden, right? Like I was reading his stories and his book called The Operator. And so I got to be in rooms with a lot of these guys, and that year did change something for me. And I think even more what it did for me was confirm something that I already believed, but I hadn't fully lived yet. And the idea that who you are in the hard moments that when nobody ever sees, that is what defines you. And I've talked about this a lot recently, and I'm gonna keep pouring into this one when nobody sees you. So I went to this Memorial Day weekend with all that context, just to give you that heads up, right? That was four years ago. And on Saturday morning, I was staying at my brother's place, and I decided on Saturday morning to drive thirty minutes to go do Murph. And for those that don't know, Murph is a workout named after Lieutenant Michael Murphy. He's a Navy SEAL. He was killed in Afghanistan in two thousand and five, so about twenty-one years ago. And the operation was called Operation Red Wi- Red Wings, and this is when they were looking at a village essentially of terrorists, and they were trying to see what was going on in that village, how many people were in that village. He was-- listen, the guy was twenty-nine years old, and when they saw this shepherd coming up, they decided to let this guy go, and this guy unfortunately ratted him out, and hundreds of Taliban guys ended up going to kill him. But what ended up happening was, is him and these three other guys, there was those four of them total, and what he had to do was call position and request backup. And he knew by doing that, the enemy was gonna hear him, and he knew he was gonna get shot, but he did it anyways. And he was able to get radio and GPS contact by going up and standing on this platform, by going able to get radio connection, and that was essentially what saved Marcus Luttrell's life, who got kidnapped by the Taliban. And Murph did get the Medal of Honor, but the workout's named after him. And happens every Memorial Day. They call it Memorial Day Murph. Now it's known as the Murph Challenge. It's a mile run, a hundred pull-ups, two hundred push-ups, three hundred squats, and another mile run. And most people do it in a twenty-pound vest. I like to do what's called slick, where you just go straight through and, I know some people like to break it up, but if, breaking it up for you has gotten pretty easy, I would, I think it's time to encourage yourself. What are you doing when no one's watching, right? Do you then go slick? And it's done on Memorial Day to honor him. And it's an hour And the honor to me goes so far. And I've done this Murph before, by the way. I've done Murph now maybe, oh my God, at least, so I've been doing CrossFit for about 17 years, and I've probably done Murph 15 times. Actually, one of my best friends used to do Murph every Monday for an entire year. Yeah, those are the kind of guys I hang out with. He's a badass. But this year was different because this year, as I finished my-- as I finished halfway through the push-ups and I got to my hundredth one, I look up. Michael Murph's dad is in front of me. Now, he didn't participate based on, he's dealing with some immuno-- he's immunosuppressed and obviously what's going on with his health, but he watched, and he was watching I don't know how many people were in this gym, maybe a hundred, hundred and fifty. And he was doing-- watching all these people doing this workout named after his son, who is not even here anymore. And man, I don't have words for what that was like, but just making eye contact with this guy and seeing him in this moment carrying on the legacy of his son and what his son was able to do, so we are all able to have freedoms based on the sacrifice his son made. I've done... I shared this on my Instagram post. I've done multiple marathons, Ironman, ultramarathons. I started doing 5Ks when I was, like, 11 or 12 years old. So I've been doing races for a long time, and I've had a lot-- so that means there's a lot of judges, a lot of spectators. I've never been in an experience before where a spectator like that had an emotional impact on my life And that to me was a very special moment. I was doing all the pull-ups and even like early on in the 100 pull-ups, like he was there, and he's just sitting there quiet, he's watching everybody. And all I could think about the whole time was that man's son was younger than some of you listening to this. He was somebody's kid. He had plans, he had goals, a whole life ahead of him, and he gave it up. And he didn't give it up for recognition, not a long weekend, right? He didn't give it up for Memorial Day weekend. He gave it up for something bigger than himself. And his dad came to that CrossFit gym on that Saturday morning to watch strangers do a workout named after his son because that's all he can do now. And that is something that will stay with me for a very long time. On Monday, I actually-- 'cause my son didn't come with me to do Murph on Saturday. So I did tell him on Sunday, I said, "Hey, Brody, I want us to do something together on Memorial Day to honor the guys who allow us to have freedom to do what you and I are able to do. We have some great experiences together in life, and we're able to do that because the men and women who came before us. And so let's do something." So what did we decide to do? We signed up for the Memorial Day Freedom 5K in Malverne, New York. And you can actually look it up. My son got fifth place at a twenty-eight-minute 5K for an eight-year-old boy. I'm so proud of him. But listen, it was cold, and the rain was coming down hard. And there was-- and I, listen, I'm not gonna BS you guys. There was moments before we started and even left the house, I was thinking about whether it was the right call and even worth it. Obviously, my son didn't wanna be out there in cold rain. But I also needed him to know that we're very fortunate to be able to do this. We get to do this. We don't have to do this, and we don't wanna do this. We get to do this, and we did. And I remember mile two talking to Brody and letting him know how, there's these men and women that are, like, in these deserts that are in the heat, that are in torrential rain. They don't know what's gonna happen a minute later. And he was so curious, asking questions about the war in Iran and previous wars and... he wasn't even complaining during this. He was just genuinely curious And I was like, "Man, we're do-- we're honoring the people who don't get to do things like this anymore." 'Cause someday when things get hard in your life, and they will get hard, you will remember that you ran a 5K in the rain when you were a kid, and you finished, and that's gonna matter. And I talked to him about what David Goggins always talks about, which is cookies in the cookie jar. I said, "Brody, listen, you're putting cookies in your cookie jar. Not cookies you get to eat, 'cause I know you love cookies, buddy, but think about it. The next time you have to run, let's say, a mile in the rain, that's easy for you because you've done three." And I, shared some stories with him about how, for me, when I ran that hundred miles to-- in today's world, fifty miles sounds so easy because I've done a hundred. And biking fifty sounds so easy because of the Ironman experiences. And staying up for however long doesn't even re-- is irrelevant nowadays because I've done the twenty-four-hour races. I've done the thirty-one-hour races. We hiked the Grand Canyon last year. We're going to the Teton Crest Trail with all of you guys listening to this who are doing Adventure Summit with me. And, that's so special. And my son ran the whole thing. And that conversation he and I had in the rain will outlast any trophy that I've ever won or any goal that I've ever hit, for sure. And I know that to be a fact because this weekend, that's what it was about. It wasn't honoring the fallen, but literally passing something down and making sure the people who come after us understand what was given so they could have a life. And I think about it all the time. I don't know. I think about the men who, at eighteen years old, had stormed the beaches of Normandy. Eighteen. Some of them have never even been out of their home state. They had girlfriends back home that they were gonna marry back. This is, back in the days shoot, what is this? Like eighty-something years ago. And I'm sure many of them had visions of becoming doctors and electricians and plumbers and business owners and fathers. And listen, a lot of them didn't get to become those things. And when I think about them, I have a question that I just can't shake. Am I living in a way that is worthy of what they gave up? It literally gives me chills thinking about that question. Am I living in a way that is worthy of what they gave up? Not like a perfect life. Yeah, I'm gonna have failures, but am I actually trying? Am I building something that matters? Do I show up for my family, my team, my patients at the level that I'm capable of, or am I just coasting? And coasting is easy, man. Coasting is comfortable. Coasting will get you to the end of your life having less, left most of what you were capable of on the table. And listen, many of you know me very well. That is not an option, not at this weekend Now, how does this connect to your practice, your team, and your leadership? Because that's what I want this to also be about. Leadership does not start in your staff meetings or a script or a hiring decision or a system, guys. Who does it start with? It starts with you in the mirror before anyone else is watching. And I'll continue to say this, what you do when no one is watching. And the way you spent this weekend can tell me about your leadership than really any assessment could. Now, I'm not saying this to shame anyone, and I hope everyone had, if you took a vacation, had a great weekend, like you deserved it. Because I'm not doing this in any like performative way, like I said at the beginning of this. But I just want you to take an honest look. Did you do something this weekend that cost you something? Did you push yourself physically? Did you have a hard conversation? Did you get an opportunity to sit down with your kids and tell them something that mattered? Or did it just pass? Like sometimes in my brain, I always think about it when I'm with my kids, like one-on-one of what could be valuable in this conversation right now? Where could there be something that they may hear that could provide value that's not just superficial? Because the habits you have when there's no external pressure on you and no one's watching, like when you have that permission to just relax, those are the habits Those are the real ones. And let's bring this to something practical, right? So Tuesday, this morning, after the holiday, the alarm went off at whatever time you normally get up to work or work out to start your day. What happened? Did you get up? Did you hit snooze and tell yourself that you earned it because you had a long weekend? And, once again I'm not here to moralize about sleep and recovery. If your body needs rest, rest. But be honest with yourself about the difference between your body needing rest and your mind telling you as an excuse. Because that negotiation at five, six in the morning, that is a leadership moment. That is you deciding who you are. And it is not about the workout. The workout is beside the point. It's about the standard that you hold yourself when there's no external accountability, when no one is gonna know either way. The only consequence is internal. And I think about what Mark Divine talks about when he describes the mental side of this. Mark Divine spoke for fifteen minutes before they beat us down for the next twenty-three hours and forty-five minutes. He always says it's not about being the toughest person in the room. It's about being consistent. It's about refusing to negotiate your standards when it's inconvenient And for those of you guys that have listened to Tim Kennedy's book, Scars and Stripes, unbelievable. He always talks about how the gap between who you are and who you're capable of being is the life you're not living. And that one definitely hit me hard too as well. And I read all their books and listened to all their podcasts and did it all. It was a great year going through actually that training. And so much of it was mental training too as well. Because most of us are not living at the ceiling of what we're capable of. And it's not because we're lazy or we don't care. It's just because we haven't made the decision. That's the real decision, the one where you stop treating your potential as something that might happen someday, and you start treating it as a responsibility you owe the people around you. The people who have decided, who have actually made that commitment, they look different. They go through the world different. They lead themselves first before they lead anyone else. They hold themselves to a standard in private, by themselves, that matches what they project in public. And there is no gap, by the way. What is who they are. That is a very rare thing, I think, in today's world, but it's also something that's extremely magnetic. To me, people follow that, and that's to me the people that have sustainability and that have been around a long time. I've seen so many people in our profession that when you look at them superficially on social media, you can tell deep down that what they're pushing online is not what's actually happening underneath the surface. It's obvious, and you start to feel it Today when you showed up to work, your team, when you got back from that holiday, how did you show up? Everyone had the same long weekend. Everyone in your office is tired and everyone has the same excuse available to them. The whole team is looking to someone to decide what the week is gonna be, and that someone needs to be you. If you walked in today with your energy dialed back and your body language saying, "Oh, this is a short week, it doesn't really count," or, "Everyone's gonna be tired because of the holiday," like your team will follow you there immediately without you realizing it. However, if you walk in with intention, with something specific you're moving toward this week and the same standard you hold yourself to on a normal week, guess what? They're gonna follow you there too. The tone is not set in the meeting, it is set in the moment you walk in the door. Yeah, the morning huddle is important, but how do you walk in the door? I've-- I always talk about the golden faucets when I touch the door handles in my visualization. It's about a ten-second exercise I do. I touch those door handles and imagine a golden faucet of new patients, people starting to care in our office, people coming back in our office, people staying paying referred, and people giving us testimonials. To me, when I touch those door handles, there's a golden faucet that pours down. That is the moment you walk through the door. And I-- there's been times I've come in the wrong way, and I know exactly what that does to a team. It gives them permission to coast, and they'll take it all day. Because why? Of course they do. You're the leader. Do not do that this week. And I wanna finish up with something that's been on my mind since this past weekend is the next version of you does not get built on big moments. It gets built today, on this Tuesday morning, on this workout, on the conversation with your kid in the rain when you'd rather be inside, on the way you walk into your practice after a holiday weekend. The man in the mirror is your first patient. Before you can adjust anyone else, before you can start focusing on anyone's posture or subluxations or anything, you gotta be honest about your own. Like, where are you out of alignment? Not in your practice, in yourself. And where are you telling your team to hold a standard you are not holding to yourself? You're preaching consistency, but you make exceptions for yourself. That, to me, is where the work starts. It's it's not a new program, a new hire, a new system. And it's interesting so many of you who have been joining my coaching program through Ascent, through Empire, through the Freedom Accelerator program, it's so cool to watch how it's actually been less about what you've done and who you become. And I hope you're starting to see that too as well about yourself. I'm giving you all the tools, but it's the mindset shift that so many of you are leaning into right now. That Ascent program has been transformational for so many of you. And for those that aren't in Ascent, you should go to ascent.chiropractic.com, A-S-C-E-N-T, like ascent the mountain, 'cause that's what we're doing. ascent.chiropractic.com, and join the waitlist for our September 8th when we start again September 8th. That'll be cohort two. But before anyone else wakes up, before the week starts, like that's who you are. And in those quiet moments when it's just you and the decision in front of you, what are you making? Yeah, like I said, I did not-- I didn't wanna drive thirty minutes to, go do Murph when I was on a family trip, and I didn't wanna go in the cold rain this morning with my eight-year-old son running. I got to do that. And I said at the start, the way you spent this weekend told you something about your leadership, but here's the flip side of that. The way you spend this week as well tells a different story. Listen, if the weekend wasn't what you want it to be like, I think that's okay. And you start to hear some of these concepts, and you start to learn too as well. I'm able to have hard conversations with my kids and teach them things because of how I see other fathers show up for their children, and that's been inspiring. And that's... Hopefully, by hearing me, I'm passing on some of what my mentors have taught me and passing it on to you. And listen, you've got four days left of the week. You can decide right now how this week is gonna go. What are you bringing to your team that they didn't expect? What are you teaching your kids before Friday? What standard are you gonna hold? Not because someone's watching, but because those eighteen-year-olds on that beach did not have the option to coast. But guess who does? And that's you. Use it. The man in the mirror will always be your first audience, and that is the most important one. What's important to me is that you really make sure you like what that's all I've got for all of you today. I hope everyone learned something today, and maybe this was the right time to hear this, especially as we get closer to the back half of twenty twenty-six. You gotta lead yourself first, and then the people will follow, and you build leaders from that. Love all of you. See you next week. to learn more about building your business, leadership, and life on purpose, visit chiro one eighty.com or follow Austin on Instagram at Dr. Austin Cohen.