EP66: The Funeral Test: Are You Building a Life People Will Remember?

I recently got back from a funeral, and it reminded me of something most of us know but rarely live like we know:

Nobody remembers the gifts. They remember the moments.

At the end of someone’s life, people do not usually talk about the presents, the money, the stuff, or the achievements. They talk about the trips, the traditions, the conversations, the way that person showed up, and how they made people feel.

In this episode, I talk about what I call The Funeral Test and why it matters for business owners, leaders, parents, and high achievers.

Because so many of us say we are building for freedom, family, and impact, but if we are not careful, the very thing we are building can steal the life we said we wanted.

This episode is a reminder to look at your calendar, your business, your relationships, and your priorities and ask:

Am I building a life people will remember, or just accumulating things they will forget?

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Transcript

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This is the Austin Cohen Podcast where we talk real strategies for chiropractors ready to grow beyond the adjustment. If you're building a business, developing your leadership, and trying to build wealth without burning out, you are in the right place. Let's get to work Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode What's up, everybody? Welcome back, Austin Cohen Podcast. Hope everyone's having a great week so far. We had a... Man, I am... I don't know about... For those that have kids in summer baseball, man, you know the drill. We are in week... We just finished week four, so we have two more weeks left for our June tournaments. Sunday night, man, we didn't get back till midnight. But I'll tell you, those moments and those memories, man, 14 hours at the baseball field on Sunday. I know a lot of parents say it's too much. Man, we live for that. We don't live for it, but we love it, and we love to do it. It is such memorable experiences and I know that when it's all said and done, those memories will be something that our family will carry on with us. I... Yeah, that to me is the stuff that matters, and that's really what a lot we're gonna talk about today. Before I go on, though, one thing I do wanna share is that man, we are... I know this is gonna be crazy for me to say but we are right now 200 days away from Growth Summit 2027. And for those that don't know what Growth Summit is, it's imagine a two-day leadership business development conference for service providers, mostly chiropractors. There will be a lot of acupuncturists there this year too as well, but people who are all about growth and growth-minded. The people that we've attracted over this last three years of doing this event have been just really top-notch people that like to do hard things. The fact that we get 20 people to jump in a cold plunge and run six miles with us is pretty amazing, not like most seminars I go to. So yeah, for those that are looking for a awesome event to kickstart your year, this would be it. You go to chiro180.com, click on Attend Growth Summit. I've got to believe we're less than 10 tickets away from selling out. I couldn't imagine it being more than 10. The room only ha- the room has a capacity of about 75 to probably 85 people is what we learned last year. So we sold it out year one at 25, year two at 50, last year was 75. We'll definitely sell it for sure next year. We're still 200 days away with very little tickets available. But I can tell you right now, I would strongly encourage you to come. You will be different afterwards and not, maybe not you different from the sense of changing you, but more so pulling out what is already inside of you. Maybe making some behavioral changes, understanding what really good leadership looks like. There's gonna be a lot of pivot and it's gonna be great. So anyways, strongly encourage that. Man, talking about experiences though, that is really what I gotta be talking about today. I know last week we went tactical, and if you didn't listen to last week's episode, you gotta listen and bring your notebook. M- I love hearing how so many of you guys are using these podcasts for trainings with your team. You're actually working on your team to build them to become better leaders. So if you're somebody right now who's listening to this with your doctor your doctor cares about you. The fact that they're willing to commit the 20 minutes to pull this up, to spend the time, to provide value for you, I think is really important. So definitely take that as something that's something that really matters. That would be something that you would want to you would wanna carry on. So keep doing that. I know some of you guys do that on Tuesdays before your staff meetings, so keep doing that. Keep bringing out these podcasts and whatever type of training that you're doing. I love it. I think it's great. What do I wanna talk about today? Oh, by the way, we didn't talk about this yet. How about going viral, baby? My first viral post went up on Sunday after the Knicks won the NBA finals. It was the coolest thing. I don't, I guess not that many people saw it, but, when I was watching the NBA finals Saturday S- Saturday or Sunday night, whatever it was Saturday I believe actually. On Saturday I was watching the NBA finals, Knicks win. Jalen Brunson is not in the game. Jalen Brunson is sitting at the check-in counter, and he's sitting there because he's about to, instead of celebrating, he's actually about to go say congratulations and good game to the other head coach. He literally, game's over, last second, Wemby misses a shot, he walks over to the coach, wishes him congratulations. He walks over to his father and hugs him, and then he celebrates. And I guess a lot of people didn't see that on TV. That was, like, the first thing I saw, and I shared that. And we've got over there's over 100,000 people that have watched that video, so if you haven't seen that Instagram post, check it out. It's pretty cool. I was talking earlier today about our baseball and things that we've done, and today I wanna talk about something I do think about a lot, and I do not want this to be a depressing episode. But earlier today, and many of you guys know this who are in my Ascent program, but I ha- 'cause I had to reschedule today's call, but I got back from a funeral today, and it reminded me of something that I think all of us know, but we don't live like we know. Because when I was there at that funeral today, there was a lot of things that were going through my brain. As for anybody who's on this, listening to this right now, I'm assuming you've been to a funeral before in your life, and I hope you haven't been to a funeral. Geez Louise if you've made it to, 30, 40 years old and you haven't been to a funeral yet, God, that's amazing. God bless you. But- The thing is, what I was thinking about there was how nobody's gonna remember the gifts you got them. They will remember the moments. I d- if I look back at my 44 years of life, I don't remember the things I got on my birthday, and I don't remember the things that I got over the holidays, and I don't remember things. But I'll tell you what I do remember, and as I remember moments. And when people stood up at that funeral today, they didn't talk about the gift card that someone, that this person gave them, or the birthday present, or like I said, holiday gifts or Mother's Day or Father's Day, whatever it is, right? They... Today, they were talking about memories, trips, random conversations, traditions, maybe when that person showed up when it mattered. How that person made them feel was a big thing that came up today. Not what you say to somebody, but how you make them feel. And I think the thing that was the most sobering reminders we can get because so much of life is spent chasing things, which I'm not against things, by the way. Now, I care, obviously, as many of I care more about experiences 'cause nobody remembers the things when our life is being remembered. And so what I wanna talk about today is that funeral test that I shared earlier and something I think about. And this is, like I said, this is not a morbid way. This is not depressing. I think more so in a clarifying way. Because if the end of your life reveals what actually mattered, then maybe we should use that information while we're still living it. One of the things that stands out at funerals is how simple the stories usually are. Like, people don't usually get up and tell some polished, impressive, they're not sharing highlight reels. They're telling the little stories. And maybe it's about how I've been to ones where my friends have talked about how their dads would make them pancakes on Saturday mornings and when they'd watch cartoons, or how their mom would call them every day on the way home from work. Or they would talk about traditions like family beach trips every single year when nobody had a whole lot of money, or sitting down, they had dinner every single night sitting at the kitchen table. Earlier today, they would talk-- I heard them, they used phrases today that this other person would say. They talked about how they laughed, when the room felt different when this person walked in. And when you hear those stories and you listen to them, you realize something, and the things that become legacy are actually not things at all. They are moments, they are experiences, and they are repeated pat- repeated patterns of presence This is what people will carry with them. And it made me think, if that is what people remember at the end, then why do we spend so much of our life optimizing for everyone else? Think about that. Why do we spend so much of life trying to get more, prove more, accomplish more, build more, acquire more? But at the end of it, nobody is talking about the stuff. They are all talking about whether you were there, whether they felt loved, whether you created moments that became part of who they are. And I know for me, a trap I can fall into is, I think people that are high achievers, they're really good at justifying sacrifice. And we may say things like, "Oh, I'm doing this for my family, though. I'm building this for my future. I'm making these sacrifices now so we can have freedom later. Let me just get through this season," or, "Once my business hits this, then I'll be able to be more present," or, "Once my practice hits this number, then I can slow down," or, "Once my team gets better, then I can take the trip," or, "Our debt is paid off, then I can breathe." Some of that is real. There are seasons where you have to push, so don't listen to what I just said and use that as an excuse to be lazy. Hell no, 'cause there are seasons where you've gotta grind, and there are seasons where you have to build, and you'll make a lot of hard decisions in some of those seasons, too, as well. So I'm not saying ambition is bad. I'm maybe one of the most ambitious people somebody will ever meet. Money matters. Building a business is right. It is not wrong Money matters because it does what, though? It creates options. And the business will matter because that's can, what can create freedom. I love when... I was talking to one of my chiropractors today who works with me, and she's on my team, and she was talking about a vacation she's taking. I'm so pumped for her. She deserves it. And she's built the practice to a point where she can do that, 'cause there's freedom there. It's not just like a clinic that we have to worry about what's gonna happen each month. 100% deserved, went through the grind, went through the seasons. Now take the season now to take a little bit of time off. Enjoy it. And if the achievement that you're working towards does cost the relationships that you said you were achieving it for what was it even for then? Like, why does it matter? That is the trap. 'Cause a lot of people say they're building for freedom, but what ends up happening, I see, is that the business becomes the thing stealing the freedom. And they say that they're working for their family, but what does their family get? I talk about this in my Lunch and Learns. Their family gets the leftovers of that person. They'll make justifications, "Oh I'm just trying to create a better life." But guess what? They're too exhausted to actually live the life they're creating. And funerals cut through all of that, because they remind us that the scoreboard we're chasing is not always the scoreboard that will matter at the end. So here's what the funeral test is. If people were gathered in a room telling stories about your life, what would they say about you? Not your accomplishments, not your resume, definitely not your revenue, 'cause nobody cares about that W- who, what would they remember about you? What moments would come up? What stories maybe would they tell? What would your kids say? Spouse, team, your friends? Would they say you were successful but unavailable? Maybe you provided for them, but you weren't present Or would they say things such as, "He made me believe in myself," or, "She always showed up. One thing about Austin is he made ordinary days feel special," or, "She created traditions that we still carry on. He definitely taught me how to live life." but also feel seen. He worked hard, but he never questioned what mattered most to him. Like that to me is the funeral test. And I believe it can be very uncomfortable because it forces us to audit our life against what we claim our values are. Not what we say matters, but what our calendar says matters. Not what goes on social media, but what the habits, the daily habits that we do prove. Because I know people that post on social media what people should do, and I'm so sick of that. I'm so tired of people telling other people what they should do. Tell people what you do. Share your experiences. Share your stories. I'm so tired of seeing chiropractors and just people in the, I don't even wanna say the consulting space, but just in these spaces that are shoulding all over people. What did you do and how did it work for you? I always share the story one time about how I remember this chiropractor posted on social media about how if all the medical doctors knew what we did, they'd refer all their business to us. Okay you don't practice anymore, so don't tell me that. What did you do in your practice that got all the medical doctors referring every single person to your office? 'Cause you must have had a waiting list practice then. Tell me. No, what did you do exactly? Not what we post about, but the habits we do daily. What does that prove? And by the way, for those that work with me as coaching clients, you know this. What habits when no one's watching Not what we intend to do someday, but what are we doing right now? The line that keeps coming back to me is this: nobody remembers the gifts, they remember the moments. Not... N- and I'm not saying gifts are bad, 'cause buying something for someone is definitely not meaningless. But to me the gift is rarely the thing. It's the meaning behind it is the thing, the memory, the feeling attached to it. A kid may not remember every toy they ever got for Christmas, Hanukkah, but they'll remember how the morning of Christmas felt, or they'll remember lighting the candles with their family, right? That's what matters, and they'll, their memories will happen. I remember doing candles for Hanukkah with my family. I could not tell you one toy I ever got. Don't remember it. I remember opening the toys with them around the fireplace, but I don't remember what the toys were. I remember the traditions. And, I think when you go to dinner with people or lunch, I remember many of you guys may know Prince EA on social media. I went to lunch with him one time, and the one thing I remember about lunch was that I don't remember what we talked about, but I remember that he put his phone down and he listened. This is somebody with millions and millions of followers. Wasn't on his phone, fully present. And, when people talk about their memories, you think of vacations. If I think of my time as a kid... This is why we were in Cancun last week, and I wanted to d- create a memory, so I took my son on a fishing trip. He probably won't remember most of the things that happened in Cancun when we were there last week, but he'll remember fishing and the time together. And I think that should change how we think about success, because success is not just what we can afford. It is what we can experience with the people we love. Many of you know my two core values in life are experiences and relationships. That's it. Creating experiences with the people that matter the most. This is why I do Adventure Summit. This is why we have Growth Summit. Success is having the presence to create the memory. That, to me, is a different standard, and it's a harder standard, because buying something can be very quick. It's very short-term. But being present, that requires actual intention. Very different If you wanna buy something for someone, can you hire somebody else to do that? Yes. Can you do that with memories? No. You need to be present. Making memories cannot be outsourced, right? You can't delegate being present with someone. You cannot automate love. You can't scale connection if you've never actually... if you're never there. One of the most important distinctions for, especially for leaders, business people, is something I shared earlier, and I think this is probably gonna stick with some of you. It's that difference between providing and being present. Providing, very important, and it matters. Don't wanna negate that. There is 100% an honor in providing for your family, and there is an honor in working hard and in building something that gives your family security and opportunity. Not gonna lie about that one But it can also become the explanation we use to avoid the harder work of presence. Because sometimes being at work is easier than emotionally available, and then chasing that next goal is easier than sitting in quiet with your family. 'Cause, I think sometimes solving business problems, at least I've had to go through this, can be easier than having hard conversations at home. And the question is not are you providing, the question is are you only providing? That is what I'm trying to get you to think about. Are you using provision as a substitute for presence? Are you giving the people the things because you're not giving them time That's the hard question. Are you just building a life they'll benefit from financially, but they miss you in emotionally? Questions to ask. Because the people closest to you don't just need what you can produce, they need you. Not the exhausted version of you, not the distracted version of you, not the half-listening version of you. They need the version of you that is there. And I think that is what the funeral reminded me of, is that people do not just miss what someone did for them, they miss who that person was with them. This is directly connected to leadership, because leadership is not just about winning. It's about helping other people experience what they did not know was possible. And, many of you may have saw the post I did t- earlier today, and I talked about Rod Brind'Amour from the Stanley Cup. He was a player at Carolina, and he was also... He now just won the Stanley Cup as a coach. He knew what the moment felt like. He won it as a coach, and he said it meant even more because he got to watch his players experience it. That is leadership. It is moving from, "I want to win so I can feel successful," to, "I want to win so other people can feel what successful it feels too." That is legacy. It is not what you accomplish, 'cause he did that. He already accomplished a Stanley Cup. It is what other people get to experience because you were in their life. I hope you all heard that. When we all think, talk legacy, it is what other people get to experience because you were in their life. Your team is not gonna remember every meeting. They ain't remembering the KPIs, and they're not remembering strategy sessions. But they will remember if you made them believe that they were capable of more. That is always something that I want from my team. I always tell people "You would not be on my team if I didn't believe in you." And it's my favorite thing, is to watch. People always ask me about multi-unit. I can make more money by shutting down all my units and go full-blown into software and coaching. However, I love working with the people who I get to work with every single day and having these amazing humans realize what they're capable of. They'll remember the times I've challenged them and cared about them at the same time. They're gonna remember the cr- environment that was created for them to become better That is true in business, it's true in family, it is true in friendship. It is not just, what am I building? Here's the question that I think is better. Who is becoming better because I'm building it? Ask yourself that. And I hope you have answers for that, by the way. Because if it's not, then the question needs to be reframed, 'cause now you're thinking about yourself. It's what am I building, right? That's where you're at. You're stuck in that phase right now. Who becomes better because of what you're building? That's what matters the most. And I think another thing I took a note on, by the way, about the funeral today was Someday is not a strategy, which I've shared this before. We love someday. Someday I'll take the trip. Someday I'll call them more. Someday I'll be more present. Someday I'll slow down. Someday I'll begin to do traditions, and someday I'll tell them how proud I am, and I'll have more time. I think of one of my grandfathers. I literally remember when he was in his hospital bed, it was the last time I got a chance to talk to him, and he squ- he squeezed my hand and said, "Austin, I want you to know I'm really proud of the man you've become." I was, at that time, I was 22 years old, and I didn't have a whole lot of my life figured out. But he knew my character, and he knew who I was as a human and as a man, and I would believe that's what he was referencing. And I remember how that made me feel. I don't remember one gift he ever got me in my entire life, but I do remember those words. And it feels like delayed gratification. It feels like discipline. It feels like maturity. And by the way, sometimes it is. Because sometimes someday is fear maybe wearing a responsible outfit. Someday is avoidance, like you're tolerating something. So someday I'll talk to them about being late to work, or someday I'll talk to them about their closed percentages. Sometimes someday is us assuming time will be there when we are ready to use it. And one thing I know for sure is none of us are promised that. Doesn't mean we'll live recklessly, doesn't mean we ignore responsibility, but it means we stop pretending the most important things can always be postponed with cost, without cost. Because every time you say yes to one thing, you're saying no to something else. And if you're not careful, you spend years saying yes to what? Urgency and no to the meaning. I've talked about tolerations before, and this, I believe, is where this all comes into play. Yes to growth, no to connection. Yes to achievement, no to presence. Yes to what looks impressive, no to what will be remembered. That is danger. So how do you make this practical? And I think the first place to look is very simple. Look at your calendar. Most honest document in your life. It tells the truth, not about what you say matters, about what actually gets time. You tell me your family matters? Okay, cool. Where are they on the calendar? Your health matters? Cool, let me see your calendar when you go to the gym. Memories matter to you? Cool. Let me see where are you planning memories in your calendar. Leadership matters to you? Yeah, where are you creating intentional moments with your team? Like I said earlier, some of you guys use this as intentional moments with your team. And, a lot of people don't have values problem, it's a scheduling problem. You know what matters, you just don't protect it. And what does not get protected gets what? It gets crowded out. The business will always take more. The inbox will always continually have new emails funneling through there, okay? There will always be another issue, there will always be another fire, and there will always be another opportunity. So if you do not intentionally schedule the moments that matter, they will be replaced by things that feel urgent. But those things that feel urgent, here's what I've learned in 17 years of business. Those things do not become memories. Literally, I just re- standing there at that funeral today, just thinking about my life and my parents and my grandparents, my brother, my sister. If I think about my brother, one of my best memories of him, not any gift he ever got me for my birthday, not any trip he and I ever went on. The one thing I remember the most is when we were 15 years old... he was 15, I was 16. And I remember on his computer, 'cause he had the computer in his room, and I remember going to his room, looking at the one of the Mac computers, one of the original Macintoshes, and on that computer, there was a Word document, and that Word document was titled My Brother Is My Best Friend. And that's what I remember. A- and by the way, my brother is still alive, and I remember a million things about him that are more recent. But if I extract everything out of our relationship, and he still is my best friend, that to me is one of the most things that I remember. And if you're still listening to this, 'cause this is really resonating with you send me what's a parent in your life and what's one of their biggest memories? Send me a message on Instagram. That means I know you made it this far. Because sometimes this stuff is hard to hear, and this is why you've gotta, you've gotta plan the trip. Make the call. Start the tradition. Put the phone away. Book the dinner. Take the walk. Show up at a game. Go to the concert. Write the note. Say the thing now, not someday, now. One of the lies that people believe is that memories require a lot of money. They can, but they don't have to. I think some of the most meaningful memories are very simple. Going on a walk, a meal, a drive. And now with AI, you could easily go into Chat or Claude and be like, "Hey, here's where I live. Within 60-mile radius of where I live, I wanna create a memory and a tradition that is a budget of under $500." My biggest memories of life do not come from anything more than $100. Some of my best memories of being a kid is just grabbing my fishing pole and fishing off my off my dock. Not my dock, but our neighborhood dock, 'cause we lived in Charleston. We lived on the w- we lived near the water. worms were free. I used to have to go under rocks and find worms. I have so many memories of that. A basketball and a hoop. Many of you, I've talked about that story before too as well. It's important because we believe memories require a huge budget, and so we keep postponing them until life feels perfect. But the point is not extravagance, it's intention. A fancy trip where everyone's distracted may be less meaningful than a simple day where everyone is connected. Do you hear that? An expensive trip where everyone is distracted may be less meaningful than a simple day when everyone is connected. The memory is not in the price tag. It is in the presence. It is in the meaning. It is in the feeling. And that's encouraging because it means you can start right now. You don't have to wait for the perfect season. We're about to be done with the first half of the year. July 1, many of you know this, I have three days in the year that I look forward to. July 1, it's my checkpoint of the year. October 1, that's when I set my intention for the upcoming year, and then February 11th, which is my birthday. And I ask myself, "Am I better today than I was a year ago today?" I don't care about anybody else. I could care less about what other people are doing and how successful they become based on what I see on social media or whatever it is. I do not care. I honestly am, would be I want everyone to win. I hope everyone's doing well. I don't connect, I don't pay attention to that stuff. I know a lot of people who are listening to us right now, you get excited when you see other chiropractors who share how much money they make per month. Good for them if that's true. I don't even care What everything I've shared so far today is the question all of you should be asking. What do I wanna be known for by the people who know me best? Not the people watching from a distance, but the people who live life with you. What do you want them to know is true about you? Maybe that you were present. Maybe that you were generous. Were you intentional? Did you make them feel safe? Did you live what you taught? That you knew to work hard, but you also knew how to love well. And you didn't just build a business, but you built a life. That is the standard because it is possible to be admired by people who barely know you and missed by nobody who actually does. I think it's possible, and I know a lot of people in our profession who do this. They're winning publicly, but they're losing privately. And I don't think any of us want that. I think most people are not trying to get this wrong, what I'm talking about today. You just got caught. You got caught in momentum, responsibility, maybe there's pressure from social s- sphere. There's definitely comparison for sure now with social media, and you're maybe caught in the next goal. And sometimes it just takes a funeral to wake us up and remind us what's actually gonna last. So here's my challenge for you this week. Do not just listen to this and think, "That's true." Do something with it. Take a person you love, man, and go create a moment. Not a grand gesture, like a real moment. Or call someone you've been meaning to call and tell them you're proud of them. Plan a date night and g- and be present, or tell someone what they mean to you while they're still here. Start a tradition. Or there's things you've been saying you're gonna book, do that. Look at your calendar. Where could you block time off right now before the week steals it from you? And if this week became part of the story people told about me one day, would I be proud of how I showed up? I think that question could change how you live The funeral test is not about death. It's once again the word that many of you shared with me that you want it to be this year, which is clarity. Using the end of your life to tell the truth about being present. Because it's about realizing that what people remember is not what we think we are working so hard to provide. It's the moments, the feelings, who you were when you were with them. So yes, build the business, make money, grow your practice, lead your team, chase the vision. But don't forget why you wanted those things in the first place. The point was never just to have more. It was to live more, to love better, to create freedom. And at the end, people will not remember most of what you bought them. They will remember where you were, how you showed up, the traditions, the trips, the conversations, the laughter, the lessons, the moments where they felt your love. Nobody remembers the gift. They remember the moments. So build a life that gives them something worth remembering. And if you're somebody right now who's listening to this and you're connecting with this and you're looking for somebody as a mentor and a guide, please reach out to me. You can send me a message on Instagram because our wait list right now is started with the 20 people that I'm going to select for our cohort two. Many of you know this. The people that I want to work with are people that are growth-minded, growth-oriented, they're coachable, and they can look at their business and see flaws. Somebody that already has a perfect business, I can't work with you because my business, as successful as my business is not even close to perfect. So I can't work with you because yours is already perfect. But for those of you that know there's more out there for your life, you're maybe a bit burnt out, come join me in cohort two that starts September 8th. Go to ascent, A-S-C-E-N-T, ascent like ascent the mountain, .chiro180.com. Put your name on the wait list. Hope you have an awesome week and I'll talk to you guys next week. We are two weeks away from halfway point of the year. Let's get back on track with our goals. Let's start creating memories. Let's start building traditions and creating the life that we all were designed to do. Take care, guys. to learn more about building your business, leadership, and life on purpose, visit chiro one eighty.com or follow Austin on Instagram at Dr. Austin Cohen.