🎙 Episode #61: The Erotic Tension of Becoming

What if the reason you feel exhausted…
is because you keep trying to become one thing?

Only healed.
Only certain.
Only powerful.
Only “aligned.”

But life doesn’t move in straight lines.

Life moves through contradiction.
Through longing.
Through heartbreak.
Through pleasure.
Through grief.
Through expansion.
Through becoming.

And maybe the real kink…
is learning how to stay open to life without hardening your heart.

In this deeply emotional and existential episode of the Spiritually Kinky Podcast, Dustin Wheeler explores The Erotic Tension of Becoming — and the beautiful contradiction of being both the creative force AND the human experience.

This is a conversation about what happens when we stop trying to purify ourselves into perfection…
and start learning how to stay open to life again.

Together, we explore conscious creation, nervous system healing, emotional healing, self-worth, identity transformation, fulfillment, spirituality, heartbreak, pleasure, play, power, and the deeper meaning behind what Spiritually Kinky truly represents.

Because maybe the goal was never to become emotionally untouchable.

Maybe the goal is becoming available to life again.

To love deeply.
To create deeply.
To laugh deeply.
To feel deeply.
To risk deeply.
To stay connected to yourself while becoming.

If you’ve been feeling emotionally exhausted…
disconnected from joy…
lost somewhere between healing and becoming…
or overwhelmed trying to “fix” yourself into worthiness…

this episode will meet you there.

Because you are not a machine trying to optimize your humanity.

You are a living, breathing human being learning how to dance with life again.

Because becoming was never meant to feel sterile.
It was meant to feel alive.

✨ Join the Spiritually Kinky Community on Skool

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What if the kinkiest thing you could ever do was not pretending you're unaffected by life? Not becoming perfectly healed, not becoming emotionally untouchable, not becoming endlessly positive, and not becoming some floating spiritual goddess who never cries in her car, never doubts herself, misses someone, spirals a little, gets overwhelmed, or forgets who she is sometimes. But instead, learning how to stay open to life anyway, to love anyway, to soften anyway, to create, to dance, to play, to let yourself be moved by life anyway. Because honestly, creating as both the creative force and the human is one of the fucking kinkiest things that you can do. It will arouse you, stretch you, excite you, terrify you, crack you open, and sometimes wreck you in the most beautiful way. And maybe the reason why so many people are exhausted is because they keep trying to become one thing. Welcome to Spiritually Kinky, the playground where science meets seduction, spirit meets structure, and creation becomes your love language. For those of you that don't know me, I'm Dustin Wheeler. I'm a conscious creation coach, a nervous system educator, and founder of the Spiritually Kinky movement, where we teach high-achieving creators how to stop abandoning themselves inside the pursuit of success, healing, love, spirituality, and becoming. Because this work isn't about becoming less human, it's about learning how to become fully alive, fully feeling, fully seen, fully expressed, and fully fucking present. The creator and the human. Because you know where spiritually kinky was really born? In contradiction, in realizing I was exhausted trying to become one thing, only spiritual, only healed, only feminine, only powerful, only productive, only soft, only certain. And underneath of it all, I think I was secretly trying to become emotionally untouchable. Like if I healed enough, understood enough, regulated enough, learned enough, I could somehow finally escape pain. But babe, life doesn't work like that. Because the deeper you love, the deeper you feel. The more alive you become, the more vulnerable you become. The more open your heart becomes, the more life can actually touch you. And the goal was never to become untouchable. The goal was to become available to life again. And babe, you are never meant to become a still pond. You are meant to be the ocean that you are. And oceans don't apologize for having waves. Some days are calm, some days are crashing. Some days you are pulling back from the shore, and some days you are swallowing whole pieces of yourself that you've outgrown. But none of it means that you're failing. It means that you're moving. And I just heard a statistic today that 50% of Americans would classify themselves as unhappy. And I really truly think that a lot of people are exhausted, burnt out, unhappy because they're constantly trying to purify themselves into one identity. Like they're only healed, they're only positive, they're only feminine, they're only this, they're only that. But babe, life is not pure or balanced. Life is messy, sensual, wild, and highly contradictory. And I think some people are so busy trying to become better that they stop actually living. I know I did. You can spend so much time trying to heal yourself that you forget to experience yourself. And this is where we stop dancing, we stop flirting with life, we stop laughing, risking, being surprised. We stop playing. And eventually life starts feeling like one long self-improvement project that we're never fully completed. And maybe the reason life feels so heavy sometimes, at least it did for me, is because you're trying to carry it like a machine instead of experience it like a human. You know, nature doesn't even demand constant blooming from itself, right? There are seasons for blooming, seasons for shedding, seasons for resting, seasons for becoming, and none of them are wrong. And you're not failing because parts of you are falling away. And just think about when the trees shed their leaves. Trees don't panic in autumn. No, they let go of what no longer serves them. And babe, the truth is that you are the creative force and you are also human. You can consciously create and still cry over someone you miss. You can understand the principles and still have moments where you feel lost. You can deeply love your life and still ache for more. You can be powerful and still want to be held sometimes. And you can know who you are and still have moments where grief humbles you. Because the deeper you love someone, the more power they have to touch your heart. Which means the very thing that creates the most beauty also creates the possibility of loss, of grief. And that's not failure, babe, that's intimacy. And becoming is seductive, not just sexually, existentially. It pulls on you, teaches you, stretches your edges. It whispers to the part of you that knows there's more available. And becoming, becoming is contradictory by nature. Expansion feels exciting and terrifying. Love feels safe and extremely vulnerable. Visibility feels liberating and exposing. Success feels fulfilling and stretching. And creation feels beautiful and destabilizing sometimes. I think that they're afraid of feeling deeply again. And life was never meant to be a single note. Life was never meant to be without pain, to be without problems. There's no imaginary someday when you finally become it, and then everything is sunshine and rainbows. And imagine listening to a song that only played one emotion: no tension, no ache, no crescendo, no softness, no chaos. It wouldn't move you. And neither will a life where you only allow yourself to feel one thing. Like sadness means failure. Grief means regression. Fear means stop. Heartbreak means weakness. But what if life was never supposed to leave you unaffected? What if heartbreak was evidence that you loved deeply? What if grief was evidence that something mattered? What if longing was evidence that your soul still knows how to desire? And babe, the opposite of aliveness isn't pain. It's numbness. And numbness is sneaky because numbness can look productive, successful, controlled, put together. But underneath it, life stops tasting the same. Colors stop looking as vivid. And creation feels less like controlling life and more like learning how to dance with it. Because creation, sometimes life leads. Sometimes you leave. Sometimes you step on each other's toes. Sometimes the music changes in the middle of the song, and it feels incredibly fucking awkward. And that's okay. Because sometimes the most beautiful moments happen when you stop trying to perform perfectly and let yourself actually move. Allow yourself to take the action. When we get lost in the stories, the pressure, the heartbreak, the becoming, the overthinking. Let me tell you, the fun gets sucked out of life real quick. And we stop dancing in the kitchen. We stop flirting with strangers. We stop singing in the car or laughing until we snort. We stop laying in the grass staring at clouds. We stop creating because it turns us on. We stop letting life seduce us. And we really get in the habit of just taking ourselves way too seriously. I know I am so guilty of this. Like, babe, we are literally tiny humans floating through space on a spinning rock trying to answer emails, heal your nervous system, manifest abundance, and remember to drink enough fucking water. Maybe it's time that we could loosen the grip a little. Pleasure is not a distraction from creation. Pleasure is part of what reminds us that we are alive. Enjoy matters. Play matters. Wonder matters. And it's not because that life is always easy, but because your soul was never designed to only survive. Not to create another place where people endlessly pick themselves apart, but a place where people can remember how to come alive again. A place where we can talk about creation, nervous systems, desire, grief, business, relationships, identity, shadow, play, pressure, and the becoming of both. Without feeling like you have to fragment yourself into one acceptable, diluted, watered down version of who you think you should be. Because this journey was never meant to be walked alone. And sometimes healing doesn't happen because somebody gave you another strategy. Sometimes it happens because somebody reminds you, babe, you're still allowed to laugh. You're allowed to desire, you're allowed to dream. You're allowed to be fully fucking human while becoming something extraordinary. So if you've been craving people who understand that kind of depth, that kind of contradiction, that kind of aliveness, then come join us. Because two things can be true at once. You can be deeply grateful and you can still desire more. You can be grieving and still laughing. You can feel fear and still move forward. You can love someone and still let them go. You can be extremely powerful and still deeply tender. And you can be spiritual and fucking wildly kinky. Because, babe, creation is the real kink, not perfection, not purity, not emotional performance, but the willingness to hold contradiction without abandoning yourself inside of it. And this kind of power gets misunderstood constantly because people think power means being emotionless, always certain, never struggling, dominating everything around them. One of the best definitions of power I've heard is this power is how quickly you can move from idea to fruition. And that's changed my perspective completely. Because now power isn't force, it becomes movement, responsiveness, adaptability, creativity, self-leadership. And this is why we teach how to tap into your three most innate powers of creation: your choice, your focus, your flow. Because in your choice, you begin to choose consciously. In your focus, you can sustain energy towards what matters. And when you're in your flow, you're moving with life instead of constantly fighting against it. And power is not how good you control life, power is learning how to participate with it, how to be surprised with it. You can't shame a garden into blooming faster. And this is where, in my experience, I think many people are trying to bully themselves into becoming. Spiritually kinky was never about becoming someone else. It was about becoming available to the fullness of being alive. The grief, the pleasure, the contradiction, the uncertainty, the surrender, the tenderness, the fucking chaos, the beauty of it. And not choosing between the creator and the human, but learning how to hold both. Maybe fulfillment was never meant to come from becoming emotionally untouchable. But fulfillment comes from increasing your capacity to feel deeply, to love deeply, to risk deeply, to play and create deeply while staying connected to yourself through all of it. But before we close, I want you to remember this. You are not broken. You are the creative force within, and you get to choose what you would love to create. And babe, whether you're here to be a little bit spiritual, or you're here to be a little bit kinky, or you're here like me to be a whole lot of both, because creation is one of the fucking kinkiest things that you will ever do, lead with love, my friends. And in case nobody told you today, I see you, I feel you, and I love you, and you are not alone.