🎙️ Episode #64 The Cage Nobody Talks About: Why Success, Healing & Achievement Still Leave You Feeling Trapped

What if the thing you think is trapping you isn't actually what's trapping you?

Most people spend years trying to improve the conditions inside their cage.

• A better job.
• More money.
• A healthier relationship.
• More confidence.
• More healing.
• More success.

But what if the cage itself is the problem?

In this deeply personal episode, Dustin Lea Wheeler explores the hidden structures that keep us feeling stuck long after our circumstances change. Through a powerful story about four philanthropists, reflections on grief, and the lessons she learned from her beloved cat Simba, she uncovers why so many people continue searching for freedom while unknowingly carrying the cage with them.

This conversation is about more than healing.

It's about liberation.

You'll discover why freedom isn't the absence of storms, why achievement alone doesn't create fulfillment, and how presence may be the deepest form of love we ever experience.

If you've ever wondered why life still feels incomplete even after you've done everything "right," this episode will help you see the door that's been open all along.

Because the deepest cage isn't fear.

The deepest cage is believing your life exists somewhere other than here.

💗 Connect with Dustin Lea Wheeler: Dustin@spirituallykinky.com

💗 Join The Freedom Bridge Immersive: https://dustinleawheeler.com/the-freedom-bridge

💗 Join the Spiritually Kinky Community: https://www.skool.com/spiritually-kinky-entrepreneur-5210/about?ref=35dc7df58ae145ac815eed1673d081bb

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You know what's really strange is that some of the deepest love that I've ever experienced happened while my heart was breaking. And I know that sounds kind of fucked up. Because it's not when I got what I wanted. It's not when life was easy, and it's not when everything was working. But while I was sitting beside a dying cat named Simba. Because when you know time is limited, you stop living in the future and you become radically present. And what I discovered during those final months with Simba changed how I think about love, freedom, success, grief, and what it actually means to be alive. Welcome back to Spiritually Kinky, where science meets seduction, spirit meets structure, and creation becomes your love language. I'm Dustin Lee Wheeler. And as a woman who spent years trying to build a life that looks successful on the outside while secretly feeling disconnected from herself on the inside, I know what it's like to chase the next achievement, the next breakthrough, the next version of yourself, believing that somehow life will finally feel different when you get there. And today I want to talk about a cage that most people don't even realize they're living inside of. Because what if true freedom isn't a life without storms? What if true freedom is no longer postponing your life until the storm passes? So let's dive in. Because here's the truth is that most human beings are constantly negotiating with life. And we don't even know it because our self-conscious wants to have a good life, and our unconscious wants to have a safe life. And our unconscious is running about 95% of the show. But what happens is we swing back and forth between these competing agendas, all operating from an identity that believes that it's not it. And so this often looks like I'll be happy when, I'll feel better when, I'll rest when, I'll love myself when. Because if you don't understand that your unconscious is running about 95% of the show, now this varies with age, depending on how old you are, that you developed between the ages of zero and seven, you developed concepts around not being it so you could stay alive, so that you could belong to your family. And you created the story that you're not it and you have forgotten who you really are. And until we start remembering this premise, until we start building on a true foundation, we're gonna create the things, but that unconscious identity that's running with the intention that we're not it will never allow us to have the feeling. And can't we see this in society with so many successful, achieved, capable fucking people who have the life, they have the relationships, the money, the dream life, the time, freedom, all of it. And then they end up taking their own life because inside they still feel like they're not enough. And this is the trap. And I want to get this into every single education system there is, but so we can start building on a true foundation. Because, babe, you are creative force energy, you grew the human. You are not the human, you are not your thoughts, you are not your feelings, you are not your diagnosis, right? But we sure have created a reality that believes if we just create this thing, then we'll have it. And this is the if-then statement, right? And babe, you're not broken, you're just running on outdated instructions. So, as I've been having conversations with some corporate leaders and some nonprofit leaders and their missions, I'm just reminded of the story of the four philanthropists. And this is a loose interpretation. I am not reading this story word for word. So just know that there's some leeway to the actual story. But if you want to look it up, go ahead. But there are four philanthropists that are looking to free these people in this town that have been caged. And the first philanthropist goes, God, they don't have any food. Let's go ahead and make sure that they have food. So he makes it his life mission to bring these people food. And the next philanthropist goes, Well, they don't have any clean water. And he's passionate about water. And so he makes it his life mission to bring these people clean water. And now they've got food and they've got clean water. And then the third one is like, well, they're still sleeping on floors. They have no blankets, they have no pillows, they have no beds. I'm gonna make it my life's mission to get these people warm, to get these people able to sleep in a comfortable place. So he makes it his life's mission. And then one night the four philanthropists is just taking a look at the scene at these prisoners that have food and water and blankets and comfort, and he sneaks down one night, and he takes a key and he opens up the cage. And that was his life's mission. And so I truly feel like this work, babe, this work is your key. Because the fourth philanthropist really asks a different question. Is what if the cage is the problem? And what we don't realize is that most of the self-help manifesting personal development work, it's teaching people how to survive inside the cage, how to cope more, how to manage, how to endure. But here's the thing about conscious creation, babe, because it begins when we question the structure itself, the identity, the beliefs, the conditioning, the unconscious agreements that were passed down in our blood and bone for up to seven generations. And these are the stories that tell us I don't get to choose, I have to earn love. Success requires suffering. I need permission. Stories like that. And let's talk about the cage within the cage. And yes, we're gonna go a little bit inception on this bitch. Because the deeper cage isn't the job, the relationship, it's not the money, it's not the trauma. The deepest cage is believing that life exists somewhere other than here, that we're always reaching, always fixing, becoming, never arriving, never allowing ourselves to experience the moment that we're actually standing in. Because our self-conscious has such a drive to create a future that's better than the now. But if you don't allow yourself to have it in the now, babe, you'll create the thing and you still won't be happy, you still won't be fulfilled, you'll still be running in survival, not because you're broken, but because you're beautifully designed for survival mode, and you've been conditioned. I want to ask this question: how many sunsets have we missed because we were worried about tomorrow? How many conversations, opportunities, cuddles, walks, intimate moments? How many ordinary moments have we let pass by? Have we wasted because we're constantly thinking that there's a better moment out there? And something that people say to me all the time is that man, I love animals more than most people. I hear this all the time, and I get it, but why? And it's not because animals are perfect or not stubborn or not manipulative. Simba was all of those things, but it's because animals are present, and your dog doesn't care about your LinkedIn fucking profile, the cat doesn't care about your bank account, they don't care whether your launch worked or whether your jeans fit or whether you're fucking healed enough. They simply get to experience you. And here's the thing is that presence recognizes presence, and that's why being loved by an animal feels so pure. Because they aren't loving a future version of you, they're loving the one that's sitting right in front of them. And as I sat with Simba through his decline, I sat through months of uncertainty, not knowing how much time we had left, knowing that there wasn't much I could do about the outcome, mourning the loss of control, feeling all of the fucking feelings, and sometimes all at the same time, heartbreak that felt like it was ripping me apart, fear that felt like I had chains around my heart, making it hard to breathe. Hope in a situation that I did not want to be going through. And yet, some of the deepest, purest love that I've ever experienced happened during that season. Why? Because I didn't want to miss a thing. Every walk mattered, every cuddle mattered, every little jelly belly swish mattered. Every moment mattered. And they didn't matter because they were extraordinary. Because they were ordinary. But I knew one thing is I knew that they were limited. And ordinary moments fully experienced become your life. And let me say that again. Ordinary moments fully experienced become your life. Let me just remind you of something that we tend to take for granted as human beings all the time because we have this illusion of control. Babe, no time is guaranteed, and none of us make it out alive. So, what if all of us stop living like we are trying not to die and start living like what do we really have to lose? You know, and at first glance, it might not seem like these two stories are really related. Because, you know, the fourth philanthropist story is about freedom, and Simba's life was about presence. And somehow I think that these two things are deeply connected. Because maybe the deepest cage isn't just fear, maybe it's the inability to be here, always chasing the next thing, always fixing, always proving, always surviving. And then a fucking goofy orange cat with monkey toes walks into your life and spends years teaching you that this sunbeam is enough. This cuddle is enough. This walk is enough. This moment is enough. And no, that does not mean stop building the vision or chasing the mission, or even stopping opening cages, but maybe it means remembering what you're actually opening them for. Not so people can become productivity machines, not so that they can accumulate more, but so that they can be free enough to actually live, to love, to savor, to be present, to sit in a sunbeam once in a while, just like a little lion with a swishy belly. But maybe they're teaching the same thing because the cage says life is somewhere else, and freedom says you get to be here, you get to choose, you get to experience this moment. Not because everything is perfect, not because there are no storms, not because there are no fucking challenges, that's not life, and not because you've arrived in some mythical promised land where life is puppies and rainbows forever. We need to ditch that fucking dialogue because freedom isn't the absence of storms, freedom is no longer believing that your life begins after the storm, and that's fucking powerful. The fourth philanthropist wasn't promising a life without storms, he was offering something much more fucking valuable. A way out of the cage, a return to choice, a return to presence, a return to life itself. And maybe that's what Simba spent years teaching me. Not through philosophy, not through spirituality, not through neuroscience, through a sunbeam, through a walk, through a cuddle, through a nap, and through a moment that lives on in my heart. Because maybe true love was never hiding in some future version of our lives. Maybe it's always been right here, waiting for us to be present enough to fucking notice it. If you've spent years building a life that looks successful on the outside, but still feel trapped by overthinking, fear, uncertainty, burnout, people pleasing, perfectionism, or the constant feeling that your real life is somehow waiting for you in the future, I want to personally invite you to join me for the Freedom Bridge Immersive on June 27th. Because most people think that they need more time freedom, more financial freedom, more relationship freedom. But here's what I've discovered. If that you don't first create mental freedom, emotional freedom, and creative freedom, that babe, you'll carry that cage with you no matter how much money you make, how much time you have, or how much success you achieve. And the Freedom Bridge isn't about blowing up your life. It's not about taking a giant leap and taking down the mountain in one step. It's about learning how to build a bridge between the life you survived and the life that you're ready to consciously create. And together, we're gonna uncover the unconscious structures that have been running your life. We're gonna identify the cage that you've been living inside of and create your personalized 90-day Freedom Bridge plan so that you can begin toward a life that actually feels like yours, that actually feels good to be living, so that you can get back more of those fucking magical moments. And let me tell you, babe, this immersive isn't the answer. It's the key. But like every key, it only works if you're willing to unlock the door and step outside. So if you'd like to join us, grab your spot now because once we begin, the doors are gonna close and we're gonna start building bridges. And honestly, I'd love to walk this journey with you. But before we go, babe, I want to remind you of something. You are not broken. You are the creative force within. And you get to choose what you would love to create. So whether you're here to be a little bit spiritual, or you're here to be a little bit kinky, or you're here like me to be a whole lot of both, because creation is one of the fucking kinkiest things that you will ever do, lead with love, my friends. And in case nobody told you today, I see you, I feel you, and I love you, and you are not alone.