🎙️ Episode #66 How To Collapse The Illusion You’ve Been Building Your Reality From

What if your life isn’t stuck…what if it’s reinforced?

You say you want more freedom.
More peace.
More truth.
A life that actually feels like yours.

But the moment you get close to it…you hesitate.

You soften your voice.
You second guess your decisions.
You pull back.

And then you sit there wondering: “Why do I keep doing this?”

Nothing is wrong with you.

You’re not stuck.
You’ve been rewarding the version of you that keeps this life in place.

And deeper than that…
you’re loyal to the identity that’s creating it.

In this episode, Dustin Lea Whee;er collapses the illusion behind that loop—and walk through how to create a new one.

Not by forcing yourself…
but by changing what your system rewards.

Because when identity becomes the reward…everything changes.

And if you feel that while you’re listening…that’s your signal.

You’re ready for more.

Inside The Freedom Bridge Immersive, we take this beyond awareness and rebuild the structure—so your life actually starts to shift.

You don’t need to leap.
You need a bridge.

Grab your seat in The Freedom Bridge Immersive here! 

Transcript

What if your life isn't stuck?

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What if your life isn't stuck? What if it's just reinforced? What if every result that you're getting isn't proof of who you are? It's evidence of what you've been rewarding. Because if that's true, you're not stuck. You've just been rewarding the version of you that keeps this life in place. And even deeper than that, you're not stuck in your life. You're just loyal to the identity that's been creating it. So welcome back to Spiritually Kinky,

You're reinforcing it (the identity loop)

SPEAKER_00 0:34

where science meets seduction, spirit meets structure, and creation becomes your love language. I'm Dustin Lee Wheeler. And as a woman who spent years trying to build a life that looks successful on the outside while quietly feeling disconnected and discontent on the inside, I know what it's like to believe that if I just worked harder, figured it out, healed one more thing, then maybe finally I'd feel free. So that's why today I help high-performing women consciously create lives that they love instead of unconsciously repeating the lives that they have survived. Because, babe, you're not broken, you're just structured. And once you understand your structure, that's when everything begins to change. Because you've been calling reinforcement reality. And this week I've had multiple conversations, different women, different lives, same pattern. I'll trust myself when I'll go all in when I'll feel peace when I'll feel confident when.

Waiting for the outcome to feel different

SPEAKER_00 2:33

So it built a loop. I act, maybe I get the outcome, then I'll feel successful. I act, maybe then they choose me, then I'll feel worthy. I act, maybe it works, then I'll trust myself. But here's eventually what happens, babe, is you don't even realize you're choosing it because it feels like you. And here's the real reason that change feels like loss. You think you're afraid of change. You're not. You're afraid of losing the version of you that knows how to survive. Because your nervous system isn't asking, will this make me happier? Will I feel more fulfilled? It doesn't care about that. It's asking, do we know how to survive this? And here's the thing: if the answer is no, it will choose the life that you've outgrown every time over the life that you actually want. Now, the biggest trap that we fall into is trying to fix the loop.

The survival loop explained

SPEAKER_00 3:39

And the more you try and fix the loop, the more stuck you feel. So we don't fix this, we don't fight it, we don't heal our way out of it, we create a new one. But this is where most people miss it. They start with the action. And if you start with the action, you're still acting from the old identity. And I didn't get this for a very long time. Because everything begins with remembering, remembering who you really are, not becoming, remembering, remembering what you actually are before you learn how to survive. Because if you skip that step, babe, you'll spend your whole life trying to become something that you already are. It's like the wave trying to convince itself that it's the ocean. And then from remembering comes permission. Permission to be what you actually are, put permission to claim what you actually desire. Permission to walk and take up space and live your life the way that is in your heart to live. Permission to want what you actually want. And then consent, babe. Owning your fucking yes and your no. Saying I choose this, not I have to do it, not I should do it, I fucking choose this. I get to do this. Not when it's easier, not when it's clearer now. And then surrendering to the outcome. Letting go of the need to know how it's going to happen before you're willing to move. Because, babe, when you begin to create from your superconscious self, you are going to lose the ability to know how. And this is going to terrify your self-conscious and your unconscious. But this is part of the path because you cannot control how it's going to show up. And babe, you wouldn't want to. The only reference point that you have up to this point with your self-conscious and your unconscious is from your past to your current reality. That's it. And we think that it's delusional to create something that we've never created before

Why it feels like "this is just who I am"

SPEAKER_00 6:10

when the real delusion is thinking that the only points that we have to create from an infinite possibility is the ones that we've already survived. How delusional is that? And then, babe, guess what? You get to choose what you'd love now. What would you love? What would you love to create? Not what feels realistic, not what your fear can tolerate, what you would love, what lives inside your heart. And don't rush past this. Because this is where people start editing. They shrink it, they soften it, they reason it away. They have to make it make sense. But the moment that you begin to edit it, babe, you're already back inside the old loop. Now, here's where your superpowers really come to play. Because once you consciously choose, now you have to hold the structural tension to the end result that you're trying to create with your focus. Because focus creates, babe. Focus creates, and the structure that you're creating in will determine the results that you get. So you consciously choose and you consciously focus on structural tension. Now, what is the end result that you want to create? Focus. Not thinking more, feeling more. The end result, the version of you that already has it. How does she move? How does she speak? How does she lead? Who is she surrounded with? And then this is where you create the structural tension. Compared to that, where am I now? And this is what most people step right past because they don't actually want to acknowledge their current reality because they judge it, they shame it, they feel resentful, they don't like where they are. And so they think if they just bypass it, that they can create what they want. But babe, that's not how you create tension. And tension seeks resolution. You just want to make sure the tension is in

Why change feels like loss

SPEAKER_00 8:29

the end result of what you're trying to create instead of what you think that you're trying to fix and trying to avoid about your current reality. And then we notice what's actually in the way. And this is the exact process that I take my clients through. What's in the way? Not emotionally, structurally. Because, babe, without that gap, there is nowhere for creation to move. Without that tension, there's nothing to pull you forward towards what you truly desire. And then this is where the flow comes in. And I'm so sick of so many teachings out there telling you that if you're in true alignment, if you're high vibe, if you just think positive, then you're in alignment. And babe, that's not actually alignment. Alignment is when your self-conscious, your unconscious, and your superconscious are all working in the way of each other. And here's the thing: alignment doesn't mean being worthy. Alignment doesn't mean being good. Alignment doesn't mean thinking positive. Those things just enhance your experience. But you've been choosing and focusing and flowing all along. You've been in masterful alignment. You've just been in alignment with what you have survived instead of what you desire. So now when you've set up the right structure in a flowing direction towards what you desire, next comes action, congruent action, obvious action. And this is where your superconscious gets activated. This is where the magic begins to happen. This is where you get to build that trust with your intuition. Because, babe, your superconscious has all the information, all the intuition, all of the knowledge. And in order to get into the flow of this structure, you just take one action. Not massive, not perfect, congruent. One action that matches who you just chose to be, even if part of you is scared.

You don't fix the loop—you create a new one

SPEAKER_00 10:59

Because your nervous system isn't listening to what you say, it's watching what you do. And every action becomes evidence. Action is the highest form of communication to your unconscious. So here's what begins to happen when you start to create in this new way. When you start to live your life guided by your superconscious instead of your self-conscious and your unconscious. Because your old loop is I act, maybe I get the outcome, then I'll feel successful, right? That's the old loop. The new loop is I act from the identity. I am the creative force. I am the primary creator in my life, and I get to choose. I act from the identity. The action itself confirms who I am. The outcome becomes a bonus, not the proof. That, babe, is the new feedback loop. Not motivation, not discipline, identity. And this is the distinction that changes everything. The identity isn't reinforced by thinking. And that's why trying to work on your mindset. That's why the personal development purgatory exists. That's why there's a never-ending self-help healing loop, right? The identity isn't reinforced by thinking, it's reinforced by congruent behavior, congruent evidence that tells your nervous system, that teaches your unconscious, this is who I am now. And whatever you consistently do will become who you are. So it's funny how my little foster cat Bacchi is showing me this every day in real time. Because so often we think that we have to take the mountain to take the mountain, when actually it's just one congruent step at a time

Remembering vs becoming

SPEAKER_00 13:09

that provides that evidence that says, oh, this is safe now. And I watch it with Bacchi every day because when he came into my home, he was terrified. I couldn't even find him for like a week. And then little by little, he started coming out. Little by little, he started getting closer. Little by little. And I could still see the fear in his eyes. I can still see it. But as he inches closer and closer and closer, every time that he does that, he's teaching his little nervous system that I am safe. And even I walked out the other day, about to give him his food. He comes over to me, he's wanting to get his food and he hisses. His little nervous system is just reacting. But his new identity is moving forward that he can trust me. And this is exactly what we do as human beings. And this is why it is so important to get into a community. This is why it is so important to get a coach like me to help you walk through these steps to show you how to teach your nervous system, how to teach your unconscious that what you desire is actually safe to have. Because the truth is, babe, is that you cannot see your blind spots. Nobody can. And this is why the most masterful coaches I know in this practice, in this work, we have coaches. Their coaches have coaches because we cannot see those blind spots. And so the most important thing is to create in the right structure that's in design of what you desire instead of what you have survived. Because you are either putting your focus on what you think is broken about yourself, on what you think is wrong with the present, on trying to fix, heal, solve, improve, or you're putting your focus on what you desire. And this takes practice. This takes support. Because this is gonna get really, really uncomfortable for your

Permission, consent, surrender

SPEAKER_00 15:19

self-conscious and your unconscious. And babe, this path isn't for everybody. But if you're here and you're listening to this, then something inside of you is ready to rise above this loop and create in a whole new way. So if something in this is landing in your heart, not because you need to fix yourself, but because you can see the loop. This is exactly why I created my Freedom Bridge immersive, babe. Because awareness alone doesn't change your life. You can see the pattern all day long, and you can still choose it tomorrow. And this is where I see so many people getting stuck. They are making the mistake of trying to do it on their own. But babe, the immersive is where we actually rebuild the loop. Not by forcing change, but by creating a new structure your nervous system can actually follow. So you stop waiting for your life to change and you start actually creating it. And babe, you don't need a leap, you don't need to blow up your life, you just need to learn how to build the bridge, like I'm doing with Bocce. Because the truth is, babe, is that you are not broken, you are the creative force within, and you get to choose what you would love to create. And whether you're here to be a little bit spiritual, or you're here to be a little bit kinky, or you're here like me, to be a whole lot of both, because creation is one of the fucking kinkiest things that you will ever do. Lead with love, my friends. And in case nobody told you today, babe, I see you, I feel you, and I love you, and you are not alone.