B+ with Krista Gregg

Teaching Grit with Heart: Andrew Carbajal’s People-First Mission

• Bright Sky House • Season 1 • Episode 1

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In B+, host Krista Gregg sits down with people who’ve faced life’s messiest, most meaningful moments—and kept going. From unexpected struggles to hard-won growth, each guest shares what they’ve learned about resilience, purpose, and the power of real connection.

This podcast doesn’t promise perfection. It celebrates the process.

Produced by Bright Sky House — bringing hidden stories to light.

Episode Summary

In this powerful first episode of B+, U.S. veteran and high school assistant principal Andrew Carbajal shares his extraordinary journey of resilience, recovery, and the grit it takes to lead with heart. After being told he’d never learn beyond a high school level due to a traumatic brain injury, Andrew defied expectations—earning multiple advanced degrees, raising eight children, and dedicating his life to helping students who feel unseen.

Andrew talks with Krista about what it means to put “people first,” how struggle can become fuel, and why vulnerability is the true gateway to connection. Whether in classrooms, communities, or conversations, his story reminds us that grit isn’t about perfection—it’s about continuing forward, especially when it’s hard.

Content Warning

This episode includes real and vulnerable discussion around trauma, suicide ideation, and mental health challenges. We understand how sensitive this content can be, and we edit each episode with care to honor both our guests and listeners. If you or someone you love is struggling, call or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org for 24/7 support. Please listen with care. You are not alone.

Takeaways

  • Grit is earned through continued struggle—not something you're born with.
  • Healing starts by being seen, heard, and supported.
  • Students need more than academic instruction—they need someone to see them as a person first.
  • Parents can model resilience by owning their struggles and being venerable with their kids.
  • Failing is part of the learning process—and it should be safe to try again.
  • The path forward isn’t easy, but it’s always worth it.

Mental Health Resources

  • 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 for free, 24/7, confidential support for mental health crises, suicidal thoughts, or emotional distress.
  • Find a Therapist: Search for licensed therapists near you through directories like Psychology Today, TherapyDen, or Mental Health Match.
  • Join a Support Group: Connect with others through peer-led or professionally facilitated support groups via NAMI or GriefShare.

Stay Connected with B+

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LinkedIn: Bright Sky House

If you have questions or would like to follow-up with any of our guests, reach out to Hello@BrightSkyHouse.com.

B+ is available wherever you listen to podcasts.

Thank you for joining this episode of Be Positive. Before we get to the show, please know this episode references real stories of suicide loss and ideation, and it is not for little ears. If you or someone you love is struggling, call or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org. Please take care while listening, pause if you need to, and you can find links to additional mental health resources in our show notes. Thank you for listening. Our first guest is a person that I have known since high school and he left high school and went right into the military serving as a medic. And just a few years later, he was injured and had a traumatic brain injury. Doctors told him that he would never learn beyond the high school level. And while he may have been down and out, he also gave two middle fingers to the doctors. and said, watch me. And now he will be earning his PhD in starting that process this fall. He is now writing a book and paving the way for a person first approach in school systems, starting in Iowa. I am so excited to welcome this guest to be positive. Please give a warm welcome from wherever you're listening to Andrew Carbajal. Andrew. Take it away and introduce yourself. Yeah. So my name is Andrew Carbajal. I'm not good about talking about myself, but I am a U S veteran. was a combat medic in the Iraq war. Uh, Krista and I actually are in the same kind of class. So we've known each other for a long while, but I wanted to, you know, be in the military since a young age. I wasn't very an academic student, more athletic and I'm gifted in those means. Um, wanting to be a combat medic, like my great grandfather. He was a combat medic in World War II. great or my grandfather who was in the Navy in peace time, but ultimately gave me like a way, path, uh, know, intrinsically motivated me to do that from my career. Unfortunately, I got injured in Iraq, um, and seven hospitalized 18 months. Doctors told me I couldn't learn, um, probably pass a high school level. Um, having that self-fulfilling prophecy kind of accepted. It was hard for me. I went back home and became a paraeducator. was it educator, uh, paraeducator for a student who had autism and fell in love and saw some things that there that, you know, spiked interest and just furthering my education. But my fifth grade teachers who I worked with actually tapped me on the shoulder and said, you could be a great teacher. So I went back into, um, education a little bit. I kind of doubted myself a lot of times, but then I saw it. You know, the grit come alive, me, you know, understanding who I was and how I learned and was able to overcome a lot of the factors that my injuries that I sustained in Iraq, um, kind of, kind of accumulated some very positive things, but got into teaching special education was my passion. I taught, uh, students with autism. I've actually worked up my way. Um, through the years, last 12 years to becoming an assistant principal at a large high school in Iowa, that I am very passionate about working with students in behavior, academics and attendance. That's awesome. And for anybody who was curious, um I do have our yearbooks with our photos in it. And I almost brought it and put it on camera, almost. But, Andrew, no, it's just so good to see you and it's good to talk with you. And you've come so far and done so much. And I'm so glad you reached out to talk and to share your story. Let's start with the core of your story. So you were told... from your traumatic brain injury that you were never gonna learn again. I can't even imagine facing that, hearing that, and trying to even process what that means. Can you take us back to that moment and how it kind of just shaped your drive? When we were in a pre-conversation, you said you basically gave the doctors two middle fingers and said, watch me. And I just love that. I love that mentality. Yeah. So when they kind of, you know, through seizures and the traumatic brain injury, they just said, wouldn't probably be past the high school level. A lot of that it's probably because of just how rigorous, you know, college is. Um, I believe them. I just, you know, maybe I didn't have the skills or the grit to do it, um, right away. Um, but I had to struggle a little bit with myself and I didn't want to accept it as people around you kind of tacked me on the shoulder to do better things. You want to, you know, make sure. you're for your family that you're doing best for them. But I struggled alone and I kept a lot of my demons inside. So it was really hard at first, but ultimately, like I told you, like I wanted to prove them wrong. And those two middle fingers are, constant. I, um, in my head, drives me. It's intrinsically motivating. I've been working so hard just academics wise, you know, having eight kids of my own and ultimately. trying to show them a path that they can do whatever they put their mind to. But I've been going to school for probably 15 straight years now. Um, I start my doctorates in the fall, uh, and just accomplishing a lot of things. I'm not really good about taking pride in myself and, or, um, having awards for doing things, but I keep pushing myself. I'm very hungry. I'm very driven to do better, but it also for my students. I want my students to be better than me. I want my own kids to be better me. So having that mindset actually. shows the students that I work with and my own kids that they know I care that I respect them and I earn their trust and earn their respect. And they're going to give me everything they got every single day. That's phenomenal. And so when did you start realizing that you were proving the doctor wrong? How long did it take for you to, I mean, from when you got the news and in the process of, of course, I'm sure there's grieving that you may never learn again to know I'm going to show them wrong to, my gosh, I'm actually doing this. What did that feel like? Yeah, that, mean, like I said, it was a disgusting taste when, you know, doctors tell you those things. huh. I didn't realize my capabilities and I still don't realize my full potential to this day because I'm so hard on myself. It is hard because we all grieve differently and my grieving was alone and you kind of lock it away and, and do those things. I would say after my first maybe full year of college that I'm like, you know, I meant out to do this. can do this. It takes me a little bit longer to learn than a normal person. Um, but if I work as hard as I can, uh, I get stuff and pick up on things, just even just learning more about yourself and what ticks or triggers that you have can benefit from helping, um, you know, learning new things and harder things. And as it progresses, like now I'm, I'm. And my master's programming, I know it's like my third or fourth master's degree that I'm working on that. It comes easy to me. Like I have my set times where I work. I don't work with my kids around, or I try to wake up early. That's when I learned best. My brain learns the best in the morning and night. It's hard. Sometimes I have to really push myself and activate those channels. But ultimately I'm so driven to prove the doctor's wrong. It's like me versus them type thing. I'm very competitive. I think you remember how competitive I was. uh Very good at tennis and basketball. Right. So those things, and now I've turned it into feel for that fire to now, how can I impose? I want to use that word impose, um, for my students to, know, show them what I've been through. Um, because I think they earn it and they need to earn it. They have to struggle, but that they can do it to give them hope. Um, I just got done talking to psychology classes last week and I really was vulnerable with them. which I think allowed some to be like, Hey, I might need help too. So I saw that and it was so intrinsically motivating. It continued to help others. I love that. And talking about struggle, um I'm going to bring this back around to something that you said, but I'm seeing clips right now. Jeremy Renner, he was like Hawkeye in Marvel and everything. And he, you know, everyone kind of has heard his story about getting run over by a snowplow, but he's going on this book tour right now. And one of the quotes that he said was, People are meant to struggle. We are meant to struggle as humans. And that is very similar to something you said ah when we were going back and forth earlier, which was badges earned from continued struggle. You earn badges from the continued struggle. Do you embrace struggling now? Does it fire you? Does it fuel you? Yeah, I know we talked about a certain individual and I know if I can name job, but you have to embrace the suck. You know, there's a different mindset you have to, but you have to learn it first. You can't just go out and be a hundred crazy and embrace the suck. Uh, but ultimately, yes, I do. I like to struggle. think your body is meant to do that. mean, genetically. We have to struggle because that's going to keep us in survival mode and which also protects our family and keep us doing better. If we're not struggling and we're not in that mode, we kind of become lazy and procrastinators and you know, okay with the status quo and you shouldn't, I keep telling my kids, I'm allergic to meteorocacy or just average, because if you're, you're always average, you're not going to go anywhere in life. You're not going to have those successes. And if you're okay with that success, you'll never. push yourself even further. goal, don't have my end goal. guess I do have an end goal is to be a grandfather. And I would love to spoil the crap out of my, my grand babies. And, ultimately like if anything comes in between that I have to learn, all right, I need to remove that stress or remove that maybe barrier so I can get to my end goal. Yeah, and who we were talking about, can't say the name because em I saw him speak, David Goggins. A lot of people will know that name. uh He's intense. mean, you take struggle and almost to a shame level in a sense, but my gosh, I left his um entire speech in session just full of so much energy. He gave it all. But I do agree. think... overcoming the suck and not being afraid to struggle or to step into the unknown is so important. And so when you reached out, you wanted to really talk about a lot of this idea of grit. What does grit and um embracing some of these concepts mean to you and how do you help your kids, help your students that you're teaching kind of learn grit? Yeah, grit is hard because everyone's different. Everyone learns uniquely different. Their challenges in life are different. I've kind of defined grit, like you said earlier, is just something that is a badge earned from continued struggle. So everybody's struggle is different, but how can that build to your intrinsic motivation? think we have to find that intrinsic motivation. It's hard. It's never taught in school. I never learned what intrinsic motivation was that really got me going. Like if it was Marvel stuff, I'd probably aced. my English class freshman year, but you know, if you're interested in like motivated and you have goals, know, it's that hunger of growth. Now you have kind of created a culture. So when I have students and I have probably 10 % of my 930 students to come in, I work on a daily basis with either attendance behavior and then, you know, it's just academics. can't even really get to academics until I know them personally. What is their struggle? Can I walk in their shoes? Can I just empathize with them for a little bit? And then ultimately, do they trust me enough to know that I care? That did I earn their respect and trust? And then I can actually define what their intrinsic motivations or interests are. And you have to really break it down, but it takes so much time. So you think I have 930 kids, you have to do it on a fly sometimes. And you have to be really witty and be able to get to their level quick. Otherwise you're going to lose them. And I just look at a time right now, I have a student that is struggling to stick it to school and you know, do I need to pick you up? Do I need to help you? What can I do on the backside to get you to school? And he's like, no, I'm just lazy. And it's like, okay, well, I can't fix lazy, but I can help you overcome it and give you tools or, know, universal constructs or the 21st century skills, you know, to do it. Can we set a couple alarms? Can we do these things and It wasn't until like I got to know him and actually he saw me watch him play soccer that he knew I cared. And now he's like trying to move up and try to do better. And, know, it's that small thing, just me showing up to see him in that moment. He's like, it's clicking. Let's do it. You know, I'm going to work harder because not only you believe in me, but I believe in myself because I'm going let other people down and I don't want to do that. I'm getting like emotional thinking of my like high school self. I would have loved this idea of seeing somebody. Like, I feel like we all feel so misunderstood, especially when you're at the high school level. Everything is changing. People are so hard sometimes to get along with and deal with, and you're figuring yourself out, and you're just stepping up, and you're just asking people to like, just let me see you. Let me see, let me support you, let me be there for you, let me give you some tools to help you feel better. And that's not quick. Everyone's also looking for a quick solution and it's really an investment in somebody. You're taking the time to get to know and see somebody and that I think anybody, even as an adult, I think we all wish to just be seen. But on the other side too, we have to do the work. And there's something that I have learned over time through my sessions in therapy, which is the phrase of um Action creates motivation, where every morning you think that these successful people in life, however you define success, they wake up and they're motivated every morning, they're ready to go every morning. And I'm realizing that it's actually not that way. Motivation is created based off of the action you take to get there. Do you see that a lot in your students and is that a part of grit at all? Yeah, it's, it's hard though, because I mean, I'm thinking of 930 and it's so much. then all the past years, and I think there's so many variables and it's hard and it's something that if it was easy that we would already have an answer for. But ultimately, yeah, their motivation, they have to start building confidence. I wish I could go back. were so many things in high school or even middle school that I wish I did differently, but I didn't have the experience. I didn't grow up with a dad in my life that showed me these things or talk to me about struggle. didn't have a mom. did see her struggle. I, know, she tried to provide us as best as possible. So when I do give these examples to my students, they kind of open up a little bit because now I was vulnerable. If you, think you show you're vulnerable. You tell them your why, and then you can give them examples because they don't know and they grab onto it. And then they're like, Hey, I can resonate with that. I will tell you, all right, this is what I want to do. Like I've never told anybody this before, but I want to go to become a dental hygienist. Why are you scared of that? That's awesome. Like I want that for you. And, you know, and then you, see your passion and your care even more. And they're like, okay, so how can we get there? They want to, you know, know the how, but they've never want to ask it because they're scared because. education system has created a culture of we're only caring about the academics and your, your standardized test scores. You're just reading comprehension. And it's so hard because no kid cares about that. Like there's just not, there's, they want to be seen. Like you've said, they want to feel valued. want things that maybe tick tock showed them, but didn't show them the process or the how or the why, um, behind it. Maybe the dollar signs is driven them to that. Um, you know, we have influences. influencers out there that don't influence anything. Like it's crazy. And I have a son that wants to be an influencer, but he can't tell me the why, or he can't show me the work ethic behind it. And I have to do a lot of that legwork for him. Okay. What happens when you can't get there? What's your fallback and stuff, you know, being ready there to support him and the next, or I guess it's more like scaffolding, you know, scaffold our students to be better, but have rungs in the ladder. that allows them to step back sometimes, because sometimes you have to take two steps back to go forward and show them it's okay to do that. And once they realize it's okay to struggle and it's everybody struggles, then their confidence starts building and understanding their why and their point of direction. And hopefully, you know, they can continue that on that path. But so many times kids don't want to say I'm struggling, I need help. And there was a student last week after I talked in that psychology class, he came This kid absolutely does not like me and I can't tell you why, you know, I'm the disciplinarian, but he came in and he sat in my office and just broke down and crying and just said, I need help. You you gave me that. I live every day wanting to die and we sat down and we shed some tears together and then we brought in some help and we gave them supports and this whole, I mean, this week, Monday and Tuesday, it just wonder. Like in his eyes, he's happy. He's who he is right now. And I have not seen that in him in a very long time. So for him to do that, to get the help he needed, it's just amazing to see. How often are you seeing more and more where students are struggling and having, I don't know if he was at the suicide ideation perspective, but I mean, obviously there's some really big question marks about mental health for adolescents and for kids these days and suicide rates are, I believe, increasing. What are you seeing and how can, I guess in the school system, how can we do better? What are you seeing? Yeah, I see it a lot. mean, I mean, we're in mental health awareness month and, I know this week is teacher appreciation and nurses appreciation week. So I really appreciate you teachers and nurses, how you handle things, how you see kids, um, as they come through your doors as an admin or a teacher, I should know. Are they having a great day? Are they okay? Is it a red, yellow, green kind of day? Um, so if they're wearing a smile on the face, if not, how can I make that smile appear? You know, so I see them who they are as they come in. know they're wearing baggage. know that, uh, you know, I have the chance to change their outlook on life, but we don't know what is home like. They don't know when the next meal is coming. Maybe they don't have a place to stay. Some of my students have been homeless. Some of my students have lost their, you know, dad, you know, this year or their parent or grandparent. Uh, as they come in, we can't just always be about academics and think that. You know, they can stop life when we don't as adults. They know it's hard for us to lose those and we take days off. You know, we should give our students grace or assume that they are having some hardship or struggle, but how can we, you know, build a culture within our classrooms, our school districts to make sure one, they feel welcomed, um, two, to try to eliminate bullying as best as possible. But ultimately, unless you know who your students are, you know, take that number away from them. They're not just a number, but they're a person first and how we can connect with them. Or, you know, find that trusted adult who knows them or they had that, you relationship. What are they going through and being able to accept it? Because I've seen teachers really can turn that switch off where they're just like, they're not seeing that these kids are wearing baggage. Kids don't live at school. They don't, their brains aren't operating and academics a hundred percent of the time, especially with them being young and they're Not being able to access their frontal cortex or their frontal lobe there and making the decisions better. Sometimes they shut down and they don't know how to get out because they don't have the experience. They don't, they've never experienced struggle before. Um, they're building that grit as you know, they're dealing with issues and, how can we be a support system? How can we be uplifting for them and be their, their motivation? Maybe it's extrinsic motivation at first that leads to intrinsic motivation. That's where I think. Our brain learns the best is intrinsic motivation, but sometimes it needs, no, the extrinsic, like I use caffeine to calm me down, but others use caffeine to, you know, boost them up a little bit. So I think we, we have to take the shadows away and, you know, stop going in blind and just accept that they have hardships as well. So let's treat them with dignity and respect and humanity, because if we're more humane. Does academics really matter um if they just lost a dad the night before? And I've had a student show up the next day after losing a father. So, you know, we have to be there for them and their support systems. So I love everything that you're saying. One thing that we haven't touched on is, you you mentioned that your school system is over 900 kids. So you're putting together a curriculum and you're putting together proposals for your school system on how you can put forth some sort of a program or curriculum to help students. And I'm assuming it's in mass because a lot of this is one-on-one work, but you're not going to able to reach 900 and you know, some students in a year on that depth of a level. So tell me a little bit more about the curriculum and what you're aspiring to do to make change in Iowa and in the school system. Yeah. So I have an idea of what like the recipe would look like. Uh, the curriculum may be different for every school district because it's just what their climate and culture is. Just depends on what you want to achieve, I guess. And I think parents need to be involved in this. We collaborate, um, with all stakeholders or community things, but it has to start at an early age. I think our educational system needs more revamping. A lot of schools don't want to accept this because data lags and A lot of new initiatives are created because they didn't feel like the old one was doing it and that'd be early infancy. So I, I've seen administrators like, let's start this new initiative program, but then next year they kind of evaluate it it's not working. Well, some of these things take grit that long haul and to commit to, and they are scared about their jobs or their performance or they're just their ratings. Uh, I I'm in a district that it's the top five in the state. I feel like we could do better. So one of our models, um, and my school district is, you know, people first, you're putting people first, not only your students, but your staff, your people and your community, even if it's a guest coming in, you're putting them first. And I go back that to my staff, if there's an issue, did you act people first? And if you can't say yes with a hundred percent validity, then let's see what you can do better. It's not me catch 22. I'm not going to discipline you for that. Because I'm going to try to build you, but like, just like me, people first. And I would say one of the things I use is Will Godera's book, Uncommon Hospitality. I absolutely love that book. I've done a book study and I'm doing an intrinsic motivated book study. You could have choose to read it. You can read it or not, but I'm going to still use it. And I find that a lot of people are kind of, I want to be part of this. I want to do this. Yeah. That's our vision or our mission to be people first. But what does that mean to do that? And how can we go the extra mile? And I love Will Godera and his. just his demeanor and how he goes about things. And I try to do that and be better every day. But I think with our educational system, going back to that question is just, we have to create an environment that promotes like these calculated risk. I don't think we do that well enough because when we do take risks where we, put failing into it or inquiry in there and the student has to fail, they shut down. We've caused now some, I guess, un common, like negative connotations with learning. Um, we have kids that want A's or a hundred percent. If they get a 99%, that's not good enough to them because they, want to be a hundred percent. And, know, I want to create an environment. Well, what's struggle first doesn't mean like your end goal is failing, but how can we foster an environment that failing is the beginning. Failing is celebrated, failing is something that we kind of want to support each other and move forward past it because we're all at different levels. Every kid is at a different level. Your learning is a behavior. Learning is something that we have to teach kids and we do a poor job in the educational world to do that. So with this, this mind shift in educators, it hasn't come easily. They're like so scared. what happens if they start regressing? Well, sometimes you do. Sometimes you have to struggle and it's okay. And we have to have grit ourselves to keep pushing forward because ultimately There's no successful person out there that has had it easy. They had to struggle and they had to become stronger. So we are ourselves as adults can model this and we can push through, but let's not give into easy. Easy is not the right way. Now let's go with hard first. Um, but ultimately as you know, for me, it's that kids dropping out. It's like a gut punch to me. I want to stop that. Uh, don't think academics learning about mitosis, you're going to need to know it later down the road. Like it's great. Yeah. So, but ultimately what are the skills to be successful? Everybody's going to have a job, job like your work ethic or how you treat people, you know, soft skills, know, critical thinking, uh, is so important collaboration. It's sad that we haven't taught these skills earlier and it, you know, if we did grit would form and things we could tough first and, but. through it, kids would be less likely to uh quit in the end. One thing that I do like Sarah Blakely who founded Spanx and her husband Jesse Itzler who has been an entrepreneur in so many areas too. They have their kids come to the table every night and one of the things that they have as family dinners is everybody goes around the room and they list one thing that they failed at that day and then everyone cheers for them. And they're trying to create that type of grit. What can parents do at home? I know some of the... It's not just the school systems and there's a fine line between everything that you can do as an educator, but there is things at home that parents should be doing or can be doing to help also create this grit and create this mental toughness. um What do you think parents can do more? Yeah, that's a loaded question. Generationally, we're still trying to figure out how to deal with our own stuff. You're right. There's no book out there and parents, I don't want you to think I'm coming at you, but I think everybody wants the best for their child. think everybody wants their child to be better than they were, but we have to separate that yes, we are parents. We're not friends. We can't live through our children again and try to correct your mistakes that you did when you were younger. Don't be their friends. We have to be able to play a role that actually we take ownership. You know, because there are days where the school, yes, a hundred percent there with school eight hours a day, but ultimately what's best for your child. Um, each child's different. look at, I have eight. So when I look at them, I know they're different and I have to treat them differently, but try to make sure it's equal. I think we, as a family, we try to have those dinners every night. We try to communicate with them. We also. try to let them know what struggle looks like, feels like I need to do a better job. And I recognize like, when are they old enough to teach them or let them in on my struggles or the inner demons. think I, my mom was great about something that I, I just love. you, I had to prove my innocence. Um, because I think a lot now, teachers call home on negative stuff and the parents like, no, it's the teacher's fault or it's the system's fault where they're trying to. put blind eye to things that, you know, because their pride is shot down and it's okay to fail. It's okay to make mistakes. are kids. Um, I made mistakes. Our kids are going to make mistakes, but we have to hold them accountable. and, and I'm not saying I for an eye or anything like that, but we have to teach them the wise. Why is this not okay? Or if they're struggling, if they're failing or they're not showing up to school, why is it important? Like it might not be academics is this end all be all, but. future, you might become somebody who's working in this field or you're, know, you might own your own business one day, but you have to show up. It's okay to struggle. I'm proud of you still. given that confidence and that mental health, that social emotional behavior there and, let them build up because I'm, I'm definitely harder on my kids than probably anyone, but they know I love them. And then when I raised my voice to them, they know I do it because I care, not because I'm demeaning them. I think some parents. have a, they have to balance it better and it's harder for them. So parents, be parents. And when they become 21 or 18, 21, you can be the best friends. And I tell my kids this, I go, we're 18 or 21, I will be your best friend and we'll drink together and we'll have a good time. But until then, I'm going to hold you accountable. I'm not making you the best version of you. And I hope you're better than me. And that's that why behind it. And sometimes you have to give that vulnerability. I'm just balancing for me is what, what is the age? at where I can do that. And then I even struggled with my two oldest because they've been hospitalized for mental health and it's now, okay, now it's time. It might be time to give you some of my suck and tell you what I did to kind of do this or how I can I push through. But it's hard because as a parent, it's so heartbreaking that they're struggling. Sometimes they want to struggle alone and you can't give them that all yet. So, you know, it was hard for a couple of years and Then I've seen other parents out there that are doing it and colleagues and, I try to give them like, this is how I made it through. And like, we're network of community, we don't have to do it alone. Like don't struggle alone. think that's the stigma is like, you have to do it alone or you can't ask for help or you can't tell your story. And I think we need to change that. And I think that's why I reached out to you. I love that. And obviously growing up in Littleton, everyone still has a story. But when I became a Kramit drama scene cleaner in 2019, and when my husband and I opened up the business, I saw major struggle. I saw some of the things that our society kind of just keeps hidden that we don't want to talk about, that we don't want to unveil because of shame or guilt or stigma and all of these things. And it really made me realize how many people are just suffering in silence, how many people are just holding all of this in and how can you possibly move forward or make change if you can't be embraced, if you can't be seen. And um there's just so much to that on a human level where having the skillset to, I suppose it's twofold. It's you want to be the kind of person that helps support and helps see people and helps bring that light out of them like you do every day in school with a lot of the kids that you're helping. And like what me and my husband are doing with the business and trying to have them have someone champion them and support them and help them pave way to the future. But on the other side too, as an individual, I think humbling ourselves and also really just looking at it and what is our vulnerabilities? What are our cruxes? What are our strengths? What will help me? Because we are our own individual selves too. And I think we need those, both of those things in balance as a community and as a society. And I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this, but I'm just, I'm looking at this as it's an and both maybe where we have to do the work ourselves, but we also, once we do the work and once we start figuring things out, it's really helpful if we had a community around us that could also help pick us up at the same time. Yeah. And you know, you look at those cruxes like you were talking about and everybody has their demons, but it's, and I need to share it because if I found a way to survive something, maybe somebody could latch onto that or just my vulnerability to help them and share with them. I just think, you know, sharing is caring. mean, ultimately we have to do it and it's going to suck. You know, you're, putting yourself on a stage and And I have stage fright, but ultimately it could save a life. And you know, if we're better as a community, that's, that's our goal. Right. You know, you want to better the life or better, um, you know, the life of your children, you know, you have to share and be open with them, but, you know, with age appropriateness, but also your network of family and community around too. And I think I am done hiding, you know, in the shadows or in the closet, um, being a veteran, being a male, you know, there's a lot of things like. You just struggle and you struggle alone because you never had somebody before you've helped you through that. But if we can change that mindset, that stigma, hopefully it saves some heartbreak and hardship and make actually people stronger and have that grit. Absolutely. And you're writing a book right now. I don't know what the end day is. That is probably a huge process. And trying to tell the stories, I'm assuming it's a little bit about you, a little bit about creating Grid. Do you want to talk a little bit about what you're trying to accomplish here? Yeah. So with the grid, just opening up to kids because kids are struggling. mean, it's not, it's not an if it's they are. You could see it. I can see it every day and I was just sick of it. Um, I have had people in the past, like write to me, students, like, thank you for, you know, looking at me as a different person. And it wasn't meaning it in the way, like I was looking at who they truly are and bringing that their trueness out and supported them through things and struggle. And I've seen, I've had students, I've had athletes that have taken their life. I've had one person early on in my career that almost jumped off a two store balcony in our school. And, you know, I was there to intervene and I got a text message from her, I think within the last couple of years. And she just said, thank you, you know, because of that moment that you believed in me and you didn't let me do it. You know, I'm a, I'm a wife now. I have two. children, I am thriving. Um, and then, you know, this winter, it was really hard at our school and just seeing kids struggle and then, you know, people taking their lives. It's hard. So I was like, enough is enough. I need to share. Like I need to do something more. I'm, I meant to do more. And as I started writing this book, it started the last spring, um, over spring break, because I can't stop doing stuff. My brain is just wired. So I have to, you know, do it. So I got a lot off of my chest on grit. And just started putting in chapters and seeing, I was vulnerable because I didn't want to publish it yet. Um, but then after the suicide that happened, um, the school year, I actually gave it to one of our English teachers. She's like, I want to read it. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, I don't want to do it. And then finally I was like, yep. Okay. And then another teacher wanted to do it. Like I, I, in the book, it just defining grit, what it looks like in the daily life. How can you. get through challenges. There's examples of it. Um, some of the feedback I got from the teachers who read is like, how can they reflect? think the biggest thing, how can they act on it? Because like with the experience of grit, sometimes can't learn grit. have to experience it. So how can they reflect? So they have to use their metacognition a little bit and be able to write down what are they struggling with? And so I'm developing now in each chapter that there's a space that they can reflect on and maybe they can be vulnerable and open up because if they can be you know, vulnerable with themselves and look themselves in the mirror when they're at their, worst, then they can accept it a little bit and maybe talk to somebody. So I'm really refining that. And my goal and my hope is that to get it published. Um, I would like every kid adolescent, it's hard to write in that adolescent view. Um, so like as I'm writing, is that. Think like words like bra or skibbity. Oh, like I don't even know. I don't know what the Gen Z language is. I'm still trying to keep up. It's a lot, like ultimately just getting them to see themselves. And so I start questioning myself a little bit on the wording. It's hard because if this was to an adult, it had been done by now. I think I need time to, the summer's gonna really, gonna really press for time, um, to get it done, even though I'm fully loaded in grad classes, but I'll get it done this summer and I'll have somebody read it again. And see if it, you know, matches up what we need. And then hopefully I can find a publisher, um, having eight kids and being an educator, like you just don't have the thousands of dollars they want to even do it. So, um, ultimately it's, it's a need. Like I'm not looking to make money off this book and that's not, I want to save lives. want a better kids. want to make sure they have the tools necessary that my parents didn't give me a like open view, but like a backend hindsight being 2020. I am grateful I wouldn't do anything really over again. And I want kids to know that you have to embrace the suck. The struggle is real. Adulting sucks. And that can we give you the skills needed? And that book is aimed to do that. So, okay, I'm gonna ask a maybe hard question. Let's say I wanna have more grit in my life. What do I do? How do I start? What's the process? Or is that what you're trying to formulate and really put on paper, especially for Adelaide? Oh, no, I mean, I think I know. you, that first step is you have to accept your demons. Like you got to understand your struggles. Like what are you struggling with? And unless you're accepting it you're not going to put it on paper or you're not going to hold yourself accountable. So when kids come into me and they give me and they actually open up, I know right away I can be that chef and like put all the ingredients together and we, formulate a recipe for them to follow. And usually the outcome is good. But it's that first initial thing. they trust you to open up and be vulnerable? Because a lot of our kids don't have that mindset. They don't have access to the frontal lobe to actually allow you in to think right. And then if they open it up and they trust you, I mean, that fog is gone and now we can create a, like a solution and they're fine with it, but then they have to find an accountability partner. I think we're not supposed to be alone. know, humans aren't supposed to be have our people, but you have to tell your people or be strong enough to tell your people this is what you want. And if you're really intrinsically motivated about doing it, you can do anything you want. Um, and that's something with education, like going back to my doctorates, um, this, this fall, I wasn't going to do it. I wasn't going do it at all. It was what my wife's like, you need to do this. You need to do this for many reasons. And I believe in you and that support. Uh, to keep on going, um, her just saying that to me and that she was my accountability partner really made me apply. I really made me to play with my doc. If I don't save everybody, like in my class, in my school, I didn't do my job. I'm still hungry. I'm still motivated. So I'm going to continue on the path, get my doctorate street. It's going to be on grit. and just how we can build that grit in an educational setting. I really appreciate everything that you're doing. It hits home for so many levels for me, specifically like looking back on my childhood and what I wish I would have had. Not that it was a bad childhood, just there were things missing that I think that you're really nailing here for future generations. I'm excited to learn more about what you're going to be able to bring to the Iowa school system and these ideas and how to help teachers, be people first and see these children for who they are and give them some of that one-on-one attention if they need it. And I think a lot of us in society in general can really learn from that. Is there anything that we haven't talked about that you want to say or that you want to close with? Yeah, I mean, there's a couple of things. I mean, you talk about just, I mean, one thing is resiliency and that's something that I've didn't have. I felt like I had it. It wasn't until I let go of my old me, like I wanted a career in military. You know, I would have been able to probably retire this summer and it had been 20 years, um, served in, but I don't think if I didn't let go of the combat medic. you know, Carbohol or, know, just the military in general and my service there. Um, I probably would have taken my own life and it's hard because you see yourself in that light and you think that's all you are. You're, you're only that or that's what you really wanted and you don't see the end goal. So, you know, building that grit to, know, and build that grit to master resiliency. And I think becoming resilient is letting go sometimes. I think it's crucial to be able to let go of some things that if a life does throw a curve ball at you, like, you let go of that old you or the old person? you have to get to a center point where you're balanced. But ultimately, I know you have one question, like what do I tell if I know a veteran or anybody facing that? really, I took pride in this statement. It's just like, you know, you are loved. Your sacrifice to keep our freedom is a plaudible in itself. Your recovery isn't your weakness. As humans, aren't taught how to deal with trauma or how to talk about traumas. I'm here today to tell you that I went down the path of struggling alone because, you know, I learned how that, you know, because everybody tries to struggle alone, but you don't have to do that. You don't have to do it alone. And I think that past shouldn't exist. You know, trust me when I say like being vulnerable, taking or just talking or taking that time to talk with someone is going to work out and it's going to help you faster than, you know, dealing with it alone. I promise life is hard and you should accept that life is going to be hard and there will be setbacks, but life is so worth it. I find joy in just the people I've interacted with and like changed and done it because now I could see them as, know, just early on the kids that I taught are now parents and they're doing it. But like with veterans, like you fought once for our freedoms, you know, start finding yours. And I even take that to, you know, students, you start fighting for your life. Start fighting for something that you're meant to be, because you're worth it. You might be that one that cures cancer. I want to see that. I want to be able to see that person who doesn't take their life that could go out and do some great things for our society. And I promise your freedom will happen. It's hard. Expect those setbacks, but continue on and we can do it together. I'm here for you. Let's create a network. Let's do it together because you are so worth it. I love it. Yes. 100%. Thank you so much, Andrew. Me too.