B+ with Krista Gregg

Fairy Tales Don’t End Like This: Anna’s Story of Widowhood and Reinvention

• Bright Sky House • Season 1 • Episode 3

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In B+, host Krista Gregg sits down with people who’ve faced life’s messiest, most meaningful moments—and kept going. From unexpected struggles to hard-won growth, each guest shares what they’ve learned about resilience, purpose, and the power of real connection.

This podcast doesn’t promise perfection. It celebrates the process.

Produced by Bright Sky House — bringing hidden stories to light.

Episode Summary

In this heartfelt conversation, Anna Berry shares her profound journey of love, loss, and healing after the unexpected death of her husband, Mike. From their high school romance to navigating the challenges of widowhood, Anna reflects on the importance of cherishing memories, honoring legacies, and finding joy amidst grief. She discusses the health struggles that led to Mike's passing, the support she found in community, and her journey of rediscovering her identity. Anna emphasizes the significance of self-care, the power of literature in understanding grief, and the importance of giving grace to oneself and others during difficult times. Ultimately, she expresses her desire to help others navigate their own grief journeys, ensuring that Mike's memory lives on through her work and advocacy.

Takeaways

  • Anna's journey began in high school with her husband Mike.
  • The unexpected loss of Mike led Anna to a new journey as a widow.
  • Cherishing memories and honoring Mike's legacy is vital for healing.
  • Health struggles and medical challenges played a significant role in Mike's story.
  • The night of Mike's heart attack was a turning point for Anna.
  • Finding support and connection with others has been crucial for Anna.
  • Rediscovering her identity after loss has been a journey for Anna.
  • Anna aims to be the heroine of her own story after loss.
  • Self-care and wellness have become priorities for Anna post-loss.
  • Grief is a lifelong journey, but healing is possible.

Mental Health Resources

  • 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 for free, 24/7, confidential support for mental health crises, suicidal thoughts, or emotional distress.
  • Find a Therapist: Search for licensed therapists near you through directories like Psychology Today, TherapyDen, or Mental Health Match.
  • Join a Support Group: Connect with others through peer-led or professionally facilitated support groups via NAMI or GriefShare.

Stay Connected with B+

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Facebook: Bright Sky House
YouTube: Bright Sky House Official
LinkedIn: Bright Sky House

If you have questions or would like to follow-up with any of our guests, reach out to Hello@BrightSkyHouse.com.

B+ is available wherever you listen to podcasts.

Hey friends, and welcome back to another episode of The Positive, where we talk about real life, the hard parts, the healing, and the in-between. Today's guest is Anna Berry, and I cannot wait for you to hear her story. Anna lost her husband Mike to a sudden heart attack after a long and difficult health journey. And what she shares with us today is not just about grief, it's about rediscovery, resilience, and learning to live again. We talk about their love story that started in high school, the unexpected turns their life took, and how Anna has found new strength through honoring Mike's memory, transforming her health, and helping others navigate life after loss. If you've ever wondered what it looks like to hold space for both heartbreak and hope, this episode is for you. So grab a cup of coffee or take us along on your walk. and let's dive into this heartfelt conversation with Anna Baria. I am so excited to be joined today by Anna Berry. And before I spoil anything at all, I would love Anna to give a brief introduction and we can get rolling. So my journey started, I was a senior in high school, working at a restaurant in Sarasota, Florida. I thought the one of the guys working at the restaurant was pretty cute. I passed someone my phone number and he go, he'll ask him what he thinks about me. And if he's interested, him my number. If he's not just throw him a trap. Well, Jerry went and walked up to the cute guy and said, Hey, she thinks you're cute. Here's her phone number, give her a call. The rest was history. So that was Mike who got my number and called me probably within the next day or so. And we became what I like to call high school sweethearts. I was halfway through my senior year of high school and we became inseparable at that point. We went off to college together in Tennessee. From there, we were married before we finished college and then moved across the country to Colorado in 1998 and has been here ever since. In 2021, Mike started experiencing some medical concerns, just a variety of medical concerns that took him on a difficult health journey for the next 10 months, ultimately culminating in a very sudden and unexpected heart attack on September 20th of 2022. And that's when our journey together came to an end. And I started a new journey, a journey as a widow, a journey that I never expected, never thought of, was completely unprepared for. And the last almost three years has been a journey of navigating life after loss and learning how to honor Mike's legacy while also allowing myself to heal and learning to navigate life and to move forward without feeling guilty and knowing that just because I'm moving forward and finding a way to experience joy and happiness doesn't mean that the past doesn't still hurt, that it's actually honoring Him and being able to move forward and to live for both of us. And I feel like that when you're talking about all of this, think it's really important and it's a theme through whether it's she diaries or be positive where a story doesn't just end, it carries with you, it still shapes your life. You guys were together 30 years? We were, we dated for five years. We were married from 25. We had celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary just a little over a month before he passed. What really special to me is that in the midst of the medical struggles that he had the last year of his life, no one knew about the damage his heart had gone through. We found out after his passing that he had 75 % blockage. He had a heart disease, diagnosed heart disease, but no one ever looked at his heart as he was going through all of these medical treatments. He was on high dose medications known to do damage and put stress on the heart, but no one ever looked at that. If they had looked at it, he wouldn't have been able to experience all of the things that summer prior to his passing. The college graduation of our daughter at our own alma mater in Nashville, Tennessee was such a special experience. Going on our first big vacation with our adult kids that summer in July, we had a week long just a dream vacation together. Those those memories truly lasting lifetime. And then in August. helping our daughter get settled into the start of law school across the country. If anyone knew the condition of his heart, even though his other issues were resolving, they were in remission, he wouldn't have been allowed to any of those things. And my faith leads me to believe that no matter what we did, no matter what his medical prognosis was, that we were going to lose him on September 20th of 2022. And so I truly believe that we were given a gift in being able to spend that entire summer making the most special of memories. And so that brings me comfort. And it helped me work through the what if that just like me for almost the first year. And so being able to focus on the joy of our last months together and that he truly felt that his health was improving. He wouldn't have traded anything in the world to see his daughter graduate from college, to experience that family vacation. um I'm comforted now in the fact that one of his very last comments to me that evening was, I'm doing so well now. And you talk a lot about fairy tale endings and while your journey is still going, it sounds like that summer was just beautiful for Mike. Like he got that fairy tale ending for himself versus being bedridden or afraid to move. Um, and so it just sounds like a wonderful picturesque summer for you guys as everyone's getting older. He wasn't able to go to work for six months. So what had happened was in June, July of 2021, he started exhibiting some really odd medical symptoms. it just, long story short, it led to a diagnosis that late October, early November of a very rare autoimmune disease called Pumpegus vulgaris. it affects about one in a million people. It's a skin blistering disease that attacked his body from head to toe. And so because of that, he spent six months every day on 60 milligrams of prednisone, as well as methotrexate, which is a high, um highly effective but potent medication that's often given to chemotherapy patients. And he had to take this while we waited for insurance approval of what really was the best known treatment to put that autoimmune disease into remission. But the insurance would not approve it until he had failed every other option. And so that meant six months of basically being fairly dead-ridden. because thinking it's vulgaris, it was a blistering disease. This was not something that he could just get up every day, get dressed, go to work. It really gave him a sedentary lifestyle. In the course of that, the medications he was on, the steroids led to weight gain, complications with his heart, of course, at the end, and the methotrexate had a common side effect that we didn't know of. blood clotting. And so he had been diagnosed with Pemphigus vulgaris in October, November. And then that February, shortly before Valentine's Day, we discovered that he had a double pulmonary embolism. He had blood clots in both lungs, as well as a DVT with a blood clot in his leg. That led to a diagnosis of Factor V Leiden, which is a genetic blood clotting disorder. So he then went on blood thinners. So it was just a year-long struggle of getting the pemphigus into remission so that he could resume some normalcy in his life and getting those blood clots dissolved and knowing that that was a concern. We have since found out that my son also inherited the clotting disorder. Our daughter did not, but we found out after Mike's passing that our son had. It was such a difficult year, but that summer was truly magical for our family. We had opportunities that we'd never had with our kids before. like I said, I know he wouldn't give that up for anything, but that journey was a long, difficult journey. But I think I'm comforted by the fact that in his mind, was doing well that night and he was on the road to recovery. And though his passing was sudden, I am grateful that he felt as positive and optimistic as he did even going into that evening. And that evening was a softball game. Correct baseballs game. I always get confused between. I mean, I know the difference between baseball and softball, but I always get confused. Was it a baseball game or softball game? It was a softball game. He had played baseball as a little boy and the entire 30 years that we were together, he always played on a softball league. This particular softball league and team he had played with for probably close to 20 years. He hadn't been actively playing that year that he was dealing with so many health issues, but our son had started playing with the team after he turned 18. So it had become a weekly opportunity for some father-son time. I would go sit in the stands. Admittedly, I didn't go to the games that much before my son started playing. As soon as he started playing and had moved out of the home, it was an excuse to be able to go see him, check on him, and then cheer both of them on. But after Mike got sick, I wouldn't let him play. I said, no, it's too risky with clotting and getting injured, all of that. He started then being more of a coach and he would stand on third base and coach the team. The evening that he ultimately had his heart attack, when that happened, he was not on the field. He was in the dugout. The team was on the field. He was in the dugout, had one or two people in there with him. And I was just sitting in the stands just like any normal night when... They called me over and he said to me, call 911. And that's, you know, what's interesting between you and I is that we share the connection from that night. And that's the craziest part to me in connecting with you is that, you know, that night there was a woman sitting there, the girlfriend of another player, someone that I had never met before, didn't know her. And in the moments when Mike said, call 911, and I asked someone to bring me my phone, this woman knew that I needed to not be the one to call 911. And she immediately said, let me do it. I'll take care of it. So she called 911. She went through that phone call as I was able to stand next to Mike. And we were desperately trying to figure out what was going on. But that woman ended up then driving me to the hospital after the paramedics arrived, worked on him for a while, um ultimately needed to take him to the ER up the street. This woman, Sandy, said that she would drive me. So I jumped in the car with her. I was still just kind of chatting it up because in my mind, I thought everything will work out after everything we've been through this past year, all of the health scares. this will work out. I don't know what's happening right now, but it'll work out. So I'm just riding up the street with her and just kind of nervously chatting. And when you and I first connected to talk about doing this interview, and you said, wait a minute, is that Sandy so-and-so? I knew right away. just, I knew, but I didn't know. It's like, there are just certain stories where it sounds way too familiar. And Sandy, fast forward a little bit. She called me either that night or the day after and just needed to decompress. And so I was her person or one of many people that she could kind of just share the story with because it was so, when I say the word incredible, it kind of sounds like it was a positive thing. It's just more like it was one of those events that it's not on your bingo card for the evening. You're enjoying time with your family. You're at a softball game. You're just hanging out, nice Colorado evening, and then all of sudden the unthinkable happens. And Sandy is someone that I know from Crime and Traumas in Cleaning and have worked with very closely over the years. And I always say, if there is one person you're going to have there for a traumatic event, it is her. And I am, I'm so grateful she was able to step in and, um, and she was able to come to your aid that night. And she has become a great friend and support since ah You know, she's she's one of those people where I would have gotten to know her but in this, know odd way of life coming full circle and now meeting you I Would not have met you. I would not be here sharing my my story and my journey if it wasn't for what happened that evening. And so I often refer to all of the people who've come into my life in nearly the last three years as people who shouldn't be in my life, but I'm so glad that they are. And in a perfect world, none of these people that have become part of my tribe through support groups and just new circles, none should be in my life. but I wouldn't be where I am without them. And I'm so grateful that if this was to be my story and my journey, that these are the people that have been brought to me. And with our shared connection, that to me is what, it's kind of like what I refer to as a mic hug. And those are things that just happen and you know, this is not just a coincidence. know, whether it's, meeting another widow as I'm boarding a flight or, um you know, I went on a trip that we had planned for Valentine's Day um after he had passed. I still went on that trip. And at the end of that trip, walking on the beach and I found a seashell and it was shaped like a heart and it had a little hole in it. And it's those kinds of things that I call a Mike hug. And That's the same way that I feel about you and I connecting and coming to this realization that, hey, you know, you know my story. You know, you know who I am. And I think our, meeting was no coincidence. And I like to think of it as another. I love that. Even told my husband that night, I was like, Matt, you're never going to believe this. And I genuinely believe there are, I don't know, everyone has their own spiritual or thought about the universe or God or whatever that may be. And that's not the, there's no right, wrong or indifference, especially on this podcast. But I do think that there are things pointing us in certain directions, whether it's a mic hug, whether it's something tapping us. I love it to believe coincidences are meant to be. And, you know, Sandy just reshared the she diaries. stuff that I'm working on. And then all of a sudden something told you to reach out to me. And then here we are. And I already know your story before you even tell me. And it really was, I didn't know what to say. it's, those things in life where I guess when you're looking at, there are so many ups and downs and you know, struggle is part of life. Grief is part of life. Trauma is part of life. But, um, I do think that there are gifts. or Mike Huggs along the way that for some reason this happened, you're still not alone and there's a reason and we're gonna make meaning of this. And so one thing you shared with me was just before Mike passed, you were talking, was it with your daughter about maybe going into speaking again or writing a book? And then now this has almost propelled you even further towards that dream. Talk a little bit about how you've made. some kind of big life changes based off of this goal in this stream that you've always had. I've a lifelong advocate. It's just been something that has always come naturally to me. It's been one of those things where any time I've gone through anything difficult, I just told myself, okay, let's use this experience to help other people. And I taught my daughter to do a lot of the same thing. And I always felt like I wanted to write a book. I wanted to write a book on resiliency and overcoming the difficulties that I had faced. But I told her just a week before he passed, I'm really feeling the desire to write this book, but I don't feel like I have my fairy tale ending yet. Because he had been my Prince Charming coming in to rescue the damsel in distress and You know, I wanted to have this pretty fairy tale ending with a beautiful bow on it to tie up the story. And I said, I'm just not there yet. And then a week later, he passed, less than a week later. And in that moment, I felt like fairy tales don't exist. Show me one fairy tale where Prince Charming dies and the princess becomes a widow that doesn't exist. Though now I can look at it and find a beauty in the fact that those marriage vows till death do us part in sickness and in health, all of those, we lived those for 25 years of marriage. We lived every one of them. And I did get to love him until his dying breath. And there is beauty in that. So I would like to think our life together was a fairy tale. But now what I'm looking at is not that I'm supposed to write a fairy tale story with that beautiful bow tie to wrap it up and end it. But now it's a story that's not a fairy tale, but it's a story where I get to be the heroine of this story. And it includes the fairy tale, but it includes how that Damsel in distress who then became a princess now is saying, okay, my world looked perfect. It felt great. It was everything I wanted it to be. And then it suddenly fell apart, but I'm not going to fall apart. I'm going to find meaning and purpose in this. And I'm going to be the heroine of this story. And who knows what the ending will look like. but this story will be written and it will be shared to help other people. And if that means saying, you know what, our fairy tale endings don't exist, but we can still have a really fantastic ending to this life and to our story and our journey and everything that it includes. And we can make beauty happen even from loss and from grief. Absolutely. Well, and you are now rediscovering. Well, okay, let me back up really quick because I'm fast forwarding so far ahead. I really am because I love this part of your life where like, I guess where I was going to go and I still want to go there. You're with Mike since you were a kid. So who is Anna? What does Anna like? What does a life for Anna look like? Not that the life that you had with uh Mike by your side was at all any less of value, but now it's just. things are a little bit different and you're making decisions and you don't have kids at the house to take care of. Like what does life, the ups and downs, the pros and cons of kind of re-navigating your identity and what you want for this next part of your journey. The moment that we lost him was the moment that I... started to question who am I? I took so much pride in being a wife and a mother, and I'm still a mother, but what did that mean in not being a wife? Because we were at that age where our kids had moved out. I was supposed to be starting the years as an empty nester alongside him. And we had plans to travel alone and travel with our kids. And I wanted to start doing more international travel. we had these goals. And suddenly he's gone. I was 47 at the time. He was 48. Our kids. are starting their own lives. And suddenly, who am I? What do I do? I started a new job six months after he passed. And I remember being asked by someone when I first met them, what do you like to do in your spare time? And I looked at her and I said, I have no idea. And I said, I lost my husband six months ago and I'm still figuring out who I am right now, what does that look like? Not because I had lost myself in the marriage, but because we had been together for so long, from 18 until almost 50. I was not the same person that I was by any means before we met. And I had no idea what to do with myself, what to do with my time alone. I had never lived by myself. ah My kids did both ultimately come back and move home, and we were together until just about a year ago. But when we each moved out on our own a little over a year ago, it was the first time that I had lived on my own in my entire life, because I had gone from living with to college roommates, to living with my husband and being with my kids. And even after he passed, to the kids moving back in, I was 49 before I ever lived on my own. And it was a terrifying thought, but it's also been empowering, empowering to myself in saying, can do this. And... empowering in the fact that I know he is still watching and he is cheering and saying, I knew you could do it. You've got this. Um, it's been, it's been a lot of self discovery and, I found that in moving out into my own place, I was very careful in really furnishing it with, with new things. There were just a handful of things that I brought into my new space because I needed that for healing. And Once I did that, it became easier for me to start figuring out who I was. I really threw myself into self-care and to health and fitness. And I did that because watching what had happened to him and the fear of myself leaving my children, I said, I have to do everything in my power to make sure that I'm here for our kids and for our future grandchildren and that I'm here to to do those things for both of us. And I've taken a lot of pride in the fact that I've turned my health around a lot. And so I've built a lot of confidence with that and just overall feeling healthy. And that's made it easier for me to get out and to have more energy and to create circles of girlfriends and go, okay, previously we spent all of our time together as a family. So when we lost him, I had girlfriends, but I did have girlfriends that I spent a lot of time with. Doing girls' night wasn't a thing for me. Now I know that no matter what my future looks like, I need to make sure that I also stay rooted in my own personal identity because it's important. Moving forward is scary when you start to think about if you will open yourself up to a relationship or getting married again, what that might look like in the future. And one of the things that makes that the scariest is that you are opening yourself up to becoming a widow again. And so part of what I've learned and am taking forward with me is as I am rediscovering who I am, I will make sure that I know that regardless of whether or not there is a future with another spouse and partner in my life. Because that was one of the most difficult aspects for me, was just trying to figure out who I was. And it's still a work in progress, but I like this, Anna. I like what I've created. I like the direction that I'm headed. And again, I know he's cheering because he was always my biggest cheerleader. of that so much. And I, I'm going to give you like a really big shout out here. You not only just worked out, you lost 50 pounds. I mean, that's huge. What was, was it a de-stressor? Obviously you had the, the motivations as well, but as you're getting through grief, I guess a couple of the things that you said to me in our pre-conversations, one, obviously the health and fitness side and making sure that you had the longevity of your health to do whatever you can to be around for yourself, for your kids. But then also working out and physical fitness is a really great way to de-stress, reduce anxiety. You're going through it for, for so long and probably still, you know, just with the realization that Mike's no longer here. Um, so you have the health and fitness side, which I love that you touched on. The other side too, is you weren't afraid to sit with your feelings. Um, you didn't shy away from the hard. emotions and talk a little bit too about how the combination maybe of the two and maybe there are other ways that you really started working on getting through the grief in the harder moments. Something within me, I think, just kicked in so quickly. I've always been a fixer. If something was going on with my kids, with my family, at work, personal life, whatever it was, I would immediately go into fix-it mode. OK, what can we do to fix this? What can we control within the situation? I've never felt as hopeless and helpless as I did the night that we lost him. And then I went through what I call hopeful moments and hopeless moments. And I would embrace the hopeful days and I let myself just sit and feel those helpless days. So for me at three weeks out, I sought out my first support group because I knew that I needed to surround myself with like-minded women. I needed to be with people that without speaking a word just understood. And so from one support group, I then joined another. I helped start one through the course of the first year. I just threw myself into this is the one thing, the only thing in my life that I can control right now is seeking sources of help, sources of healing, but not without letting myself grieve. And I let myself grieve all of it. Those days that were difficult, I didn't run from it. I didn't try to distract myself. I said, okay, this is This is a grief moment. This is a grief day. We're just going to feel it. I would cry in a store. I would cry on the way to and from work every day. uh If I needed to just have a good cry and take a nap, I let myself do that. If I needed to just lay on the floor screaming, that's what I did. I can't tell you how many times I would just look at myself in the mirror and I'm fine one second. And then the next second, just looking at myself in a mirror, just sobbing and feeling torn apart. I didn't think that I could ever feel whole and happy again. And, you know, my son made a comment just recently and he said, you know, I don't, I don't think you're grieving anymore. And I said, no, I will always, I will always grieve. I will always grieve the fact that Mike is not here. I will always grieve the loss of his life, the loss of his love, the loss of him being able to watch our children grow and start their own families. But there is a difference in the grief that was so consuming that I couldn't function. I couldn't think, I could do nothing but just be consumed with shock and numbness. And then there is the grief that you learn to just quietly carry as you start to move forward. So I am healing. I have come very far in my grief and my healing journey. I am moving forward, but I will always carry that grief with me. It's just carried quietly now. There is space that's been made for it. And my goal is that I can carry it so that I can exhibit to the world the happiness and the joy that can still exist after loss, but that I now hold that empathy and that understanding that I can open myself up to share and support others going through. trying to navigate life after loss. I want to be a source of hope to others now. Absolutely. And if anybody who is listening, you know, eventually has a close friend, family member, somebody who is going through some intense grief, and then also still to several years later, what is the best advice for supporting someone? How can you show up and be a positive influence or have a positive impact for a family who is going through grief, whether it be just happened or years down the road? You know, one of my sayings that I've kind of come up with is to give yourself and others grace in grieving and hope in healing. When you are supporting someone who is grieving a deep loss, just give them grace in that. One of the first things that I tell people is reach out. We want to know that people are thinking of us. But reach out and simply say, I'm thinking about you. I'm here if there's anything I can do. But when you get those messages, whether it's phone calls or texts or emails or just a face-to-face conversation, being asked, how are you doing? What can I do for you? Those open-ended questions, they're impossible for someone. who is in the deep depths of grief because we don't know what we want. We don't know how you can help us. But if you just say, I'm here for you, I'm thinking about you, or just step up and say, I'm going to have groceries delivered to your house. um You know, a lot of people will send meals. I didn't eat for about two weeks. I mean, very, very few bites of food. And I felt so badly about the food that went to waste. But what I loved were getting the DoorDash gift cards, the ah Grubhub cards, those gift cards that were there when my family and I were ready and able to eat again were invaluable. And we were even able to use those as we traveled to do a second out-of-state service and didn't want to go out in public and sit in restaurants and look at happy families gathered together. And so we were able to use those to have food delivered to the hotel while we were traveling. Those are the types of things. Just give your loved ones grace and all of it. Just know, chit chat, conversations, open-ended questions. It's not that they don't want to. We're just incapable of doing it. And just take the initiative and say, I'm showing up at your door. I've got this for you. just take action and don't ask them what you can do because we truly don't know. And I realized that in talking about um my healing process, I didn't touch on the health and the wellness aspect, but part of what I was doing in moving forward and seeking out those support groups and you know, looking for other like-minded women to walk alongside was that at the same time I was realizing, okay, I need to take control of my health. You know, I can take control of finding sources of support for myself. I can also take control in saying, okay, through the course of COVID, working from home, being pretty sedentary during COVID and during Mike's health issues, um through the fun of perimenopause and menopause as a woman, through grieving, the weight that I had gained was, it was at a point where I was either going to let it go and let go of myself or I was going to take control of it. And I decided that for myself and for him. that I was going to take control of my weight and my health. And through the course of that, all of my labs and my numbers came down. I'm no longer pre-diabetic. I tested all of the things this year, anything and everything that needed and could be checked out. I had it done to make sure that those years as... busy mom and a woman where we say no we'll take care of everyone else we'll get them to the dentist the doctor you know I was constantly pushing Mike to get his medical appointments but we so easily just disregard our own health and I said no this this is the time for me to make sure that I'm okay and if there's something that is wrong that I am proactively taking care of it And so that led to a lot of time walking just became therapeutic for me. So that was what kickstarted the weight loss. And then that led into gym time. And now I find that on the difficult days or the days that I'm particularly stressed, my immediate response is I need to get to the gym or I need to get outside. It's that physical activity and the mental release that it gives and the opportunity it gives me just to think reflect and process. And so it's had multiple benefits, both from a mental health aspect and a physical health aspect. And we're gonna talk offline about your workout strategies because I need to be on this journey. eh are perfect and I am proud of how far I've It's incredible. You should be so proud. One other thing that you referenced in our, in our pre-discussion was how a book by Megan Devine, I want to say her name, right? It's okay that you're not okay. What is that book about and what did, how did that inspire you? That book was such a gift, quite literally. My best friend, that night at the hospital, when I was told that there was nothing else that they could do for him, I immediately told my son, I need you. I need you to call her and tell her that I need her. And this was a family that, you know, they were... our family friends, like our families, our kids grew up together, they played sports together, activities. We had just watched both of their kids get married that year. You we did all of the things together. And I knew that I needed her. And she showed up that night, um took me back home to her house for the evening because I could not go back to my place that first night. And a couple of days later when she came, to visit me and check on me. She brought me this book by Megan Devine. It's okay that you're not okay. She brought it to me and she said, I got this for you. And I also bought a copy for myself so that I can read it and learn how to best support you. That is a friendship at the deepest of soul levels. She has not left my side since that first night. It's not uncommon to still get texts from her randomly that say, love you, I'm thinking about you. That is, it is just such a treasured friendship. But that book, it was so good for me. And I started reading it in those beginning days when I couldn't read anything else. I could not keep my interest and attention in a book to save my life, except for this book. And I think what is so special about it is that the author was a grief counselor who then realized that she knew nothing about actual grief and healing until she experienced her own loss and watched her her fiance drown in the ocean. And then she realized, I actually I didn't know what I was talking about. And she has a podcast. She has this book and Her message is simply, it's okay to not be okay. What has happened to you really is as bad as you think that it is. And you don't have to pretend to be happy. You don't have to live to kind of the world's general standard of, okay, it's been how long now? Shouldn't you be over this? It's okay to take the time that you need. You grieve as long as you need to. You heal the way that you need to heal. And don't be ashamed to say, if someone says, how are you doing? I'm not doing OK. And there was so much power in that. And so that is now a book that I refer, I suggest people pick it up for themselves, for someone that they love who's going through a loss. And I've had so many friends and coworkers and acquaintances who have said, got this book for someone that I know who really needed it, and I've gotten it for myself as well. want to add that to our website too for other people to have reference and see, want to read it. I I I love that your friend already had the foresight to know, I don't know how to be there for you. So therefore I'm going to read this with you. That truly smartest thing you could do is if you don't know, well, we're going to figure it out together saying you're not alone. I think that's such a gift. um What would you say looking back? So as you are today, but looking back on the Anna that had just lost Mike, what would you tell her? That's a big question. Wow. What would I tell her? I want to tell her that you did it. You got through it. You found a way. If you know it's. My initial thought is I'm going to tell her it's going to be OK. But that doesn't help in those moments. It doesn't. we know someone who's going through loss and they are drowning in grief, you can tell them it's going to be OK. but that it doesn't matter. think I would. I would go back and I would tell me. to just keep giving myself grace. Because that was really what I had to keep doing, was to just give myself grace in all of the ugly that followed, the ugly that happened. You have no idea how you'll react, how your family will grieve alongside you. You just, until you experience it, you have no way of really knowing what that journey will look like for you. And there will be a lot of things that you'll wish you could go back and do differently. And so I would constantly say, I'm giving myself grace in this. And I would ask others to also give me grace. And I would try to give others grace. And so for me, I think that message would be just continue to give grace to yourself and to others. That's beautiful. And that's, that's every day in life too. But in those moments. And I still do that almost three years later. I still have to give myself grace on this journey. It is still a journey. You I will probably still be figuring things out for the rest of my life from, you know, who I am on my own, ah who I am as a parent. There is not an aspect of my life that didn't change that night. And so it means continuing to give myself grace. through the entire journey, just not the start of the journey, but the entire journey. And so reversing 180, what does the future look like? What does the future hold for you that you're so excited about? The thing that makes me most excited is to truly feel that my future holds happiness and joy. Because for so long, didn't know if I would really be capable of feeling pure joy and happiness. And you treasure it so much more. the fragility of life. We know, we tell each other this all the time. Life is fragile, embrace every moment, savor the memories. But a loss like this, it instills it in you. And so for me now, I do want to move forward. In the very beginning, was, I really didn't know if... If I did or not, I told my daughter at one point, I said, you know, I'm doing everything I can to take care of myself. But if something were to happen to me, I just want you to know that I would be okay because I'd be with your dad again. Yes, that's true, but I want to live. I want to live now for myself, for my children. I want to live for Mike. I want to continue to experience all that this life and this world has to offer while we're here. And I want my kids to see a mom. who on her very worst days refused to give up and was able to move forward and create a life still filled with happiness and joy while continuing to honor the legacy and memory that he left with us for the rest of my life. No matter what my life looks like in the future, there is not a day that I will not honor and recognize his memory and the love that he gave to us and the impact that he had on our life because I would not be who I am today and I wouldn't be who I am moving forward without the impact that he left on my heart and in my life as well as the life and hearts of our kids. Yeah. A hundred. I have no... I always get to these points in the podcast where I just... Yeah. You're doing an amazing job. Thank you. doesn't, it doesn't always feel like that. Again, I give myself grace. I know that I'm, I'm trying my best. There have been a lot of bumps along the road, but when it comes down to it, I am very, and proud of how far that I've come because I knew from the get go that I needed to put myself first in, in my grieving. situation. I needed to get myself to a point that that I knew that life would go on and that I could move forward so that I could be there for my kids the way that they were used to me being. And it's been a journey for all of us, but I am proud of how far that I've come. And what I find now, like I said, I will always grieve. that he is not here. The memories of that night are, I mean, they are burned on my heart and they will always be difficult. But now I can smile more when I think of him and our life together and the memories. I smile more than I cry. And the tears do still come, but they come less and less and the smiles come more often. And so now I find that the support groups that I am a part of, I attend not so much looking for that support, but to be a source of support. And that's where I got to the point of saying, OK, now I am ready to start writing this new story. I want to do what I've always felt that I was called to do in helping other people. navigate a difficult circumstance that I've gone through. Not that I've overcome. You don't overcome grief and loss, but you do learn how to navigate it and how to carry it. And so I want to help other people learn how to do that. Whether it's the loss of a spouse, any loss that brings immense grief, that is a loss that we still have to learn how to move forward. from, and that's where I want to help people. I want to help people through what I've learned firsthand and to help guide people through the importance of self-care, navigating the difficulties of your grief and healing journey alongside family members and friends and all of the things that grief and healing encompass. I want to be a source of light for other people because I feel like that is the best way that I can ever honor his memory and legacy is to take what we have experienced and help others learn to navigate that same situation to the point that they feel that they are moving forward and will experience happiness and joy again. Yes, and where can people find you online or on your website? How can anyone get in touch if they would like to learn more? The best place is on my website and it's annaberry.com, but it's annadashberry.com. And then I have a dedicated Facebook page and that is Journey of a Healing Heart. I'm very active on there. And then I also have an Instagram page that is Journeys of the Heart. uh But by going to the website, that will lead to all of the social media pages. I will be adding information soon. I do intend to start offering grief coaching services. I'm in the process right now of doing some certifications on that. And so my website offers uh information on my speaking as well as I'll have included here pretty soon grief coaching. I am the goal down the road is to have a book put out as well. journeys of the heart and for to be able to share those stories and that that journey of navigating grief healing resilience faith uh Health and wellness all all of the things that that come along as part of part of that journey So the the website is is the best place to catch me and that is Anna-berry.com Well, I know I'm staying in touch. am so, so. I can't wait. can't wait to get, get together in person and continue to watch each other just grow through these journeys and what we're trying to accomplish. And Anna, thank you so much for being on Be Positive and reaching out. Do you have any last minute things you want to say or shout outs you want to give to anybody? I want people to know that there's always someone there for you. um It's really easy when you experience a loss like this to feel like you are so alone and that no one else understands what you're feeling and what you're going through. There are people out there. It's I knew to go and find them. But if someone doesn't know where to start, reach out to me. I want to be that source of support and to help guide someone who is looking for resources in that direction. I don't ever want someone to feel like they are alone. ah You know, that's my goal in doing this is to make sure that others know that there is at least one person that they can reach out to who understands the gravity of what they're carrying. And then as far as shout outs, my kids are the reason that I kept going. They're the reason that I keep going. they are the reason that all of the pain of this loss, it's all worthwhile because sometimes you think, I go back and do it again if I knew? that this is how it would end, and without a doubt, because they are the most beautiful testament to a life well lived, a marriage that was so, I was loved so well, just as they were, and they are the testament to a uh happy, healthy marriage. And I hope that that example carries into their lives for decades ahead as they build their own families. Thank you so much, Anna. I'm so grateful for you to be on the show. Thank you.