Challenges Make You Stronger | A Solo Episode in Between

Somewhere along the way, I became the strong one. The one who pushes through. Keeps going. Doesn’t fall apart.

In this episode, I talk about how that strength was built…through moments like getting fired, failing, and having to rebuild myself from scratch in a brand new country - but let's not forget what it’s cost me. When being strong becomes your default, you don’t always notice when you’re tired. Or hurting. Or need help.

This is an honest reflection on resilience, over-functioning, and the quiet ways we stop showing up for ourselves.

If you’ve ever been the one who “handles it”… this one’s for you.

Transcript

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This may not come across as a surprise to anyone, but sometimes being the strongest person can be quite exhausting. Welcome to another episode of Migrant Munch with me, Dr. Sharika Senaviratna. Today I'm going to talk to you about what it means to be strong and why it can be quite exhausting. So, something that lots of migrants are very, very familiar with is the need to be strong. And that means they will need to face so many different challenges in their life, they'll encounter so many different hurdles when they decide to move to a different country, and they will continue to face different stresses. Thinking back to my journey, so when I first moved here in 2015, I was quite scared of what to expect or what I was going to experience, and so I just took the leap and I kind of rolled with the things that came up. So I just sort of let life take its course. But one of the biggest things I struggled with was getting a job. I was so disheartened by the amount of rejections that I got, and I just kept pushing and pushing through all of the challenges, just waiting for a moment when I could get a job. I had to be quite resilient because I made this decision to move to Australia. I was costing my parents a lot of money, and at the same time, I did say I was gonna get a job and try and contribute the way that I could, but it wasn't really working out. So I put on a smile and I went out there and I tried my best to get a job. I even got fired from one of the first jobs that I ever um got, and it was because it was a sales job, and I realized quite quickly that I was not a salesperson, and so they just let me go, and that was it. I remember I cried at the bus stop because I was thinking, where am I gonna go next? What am I gonna do? How am I gonna make money? And that was just another challenge that I had to face. Since then, there have been many, many challenges that have come my way and things that I've had to encounter. It has never been easy, and I don't think it will ever be easy, but one of the biggest things that I keep in mind is my ability to be resilient. So being resilient is something that a lot of migrants by default have to get used to doing. Resilience is thinking about your ability to bounce back when something happens. It's the way that you go, okay, I'm in this, this situation has happened, and now I've got to bounce back from it and move on to the next thing. It's not easy, it doesn't come naturally to most people, but it's something that you cultivate. To cultivate it, you have to actually put yourself through challenges. Whether it's little things that you challenge yourself to do, like speaking in public or going for a job interview, you have to be able to say yes to challenges. It can be quite exhausting when you're always so strong and always trying to be the best version of yourself. But in reality, it is something that we all experience, and it's something that you will encounter in your life. The fine line here is when you become so resilient that you start to exhaust yourself by all of the challenges that you constantly face. That is an experience of feeling tired and fatigued, but not really addressing it and not really talking about it because you've got so used to being challenged, and so you sort of just think, it's okay, I'm challenged today, it's just another hurdle in my path. Some people also think that you know I moved, so I deserve it. I um I put myself through the situation, and so I've just got to deal with it. That's the wrong way to think about it because you are only human and you will face a point where you just won't be able to take it anymore. So, this is where we start to focus on why it's important to address the way that you're feeling. Resilience is not meant to be you being switched on all the time and being able to manage any type of challenge that comes your way. You need to also take time to rest and recharge and also think about how you can calm your mind so you're not always switched on and waiting for the challenges to come your way. This requires resources, so you need to be able to bank up whatever resources you can, whether it's support, whether it's um sleep, whether it's exercise, whatever will help you show up as the best version of yourself, you need to be able to bank those things up when you can. Because you could look like you're coping really well, but internally everything's just in complete shambles because you haven't slept enough, you haven't eaten properly, you haven't really connected with anyone, so you haven't really had a meaningful conversation with someone in a long time, and you're just fighting through, pushing through, waiting for the day when things are just gonna be like, okay, there's no more challenges anymore. The truth is, we're always gonna have challenges in life, so we need to be able to look after ourselves so we can show up as the best versions of ourselves when those challenging moments occur. To do this, we need to learn how to reflect. So, taking the time to sit with yourself and go, okay, what kind of challenges did I face today? What kind of things did I learn? And how am I feeling? That can help you sit with yourself for a moment and go, I'm tired today, I need to take a break. And you need to be able to take control and factor in a break wherever possible so you can take time to listen to your body. Because when you try and be strong all the time, you will get exhausted, and with that exhaustion, you will start to get sick, you will start to get frustrated, and you will start to burn out as well. So remember to take the time to look after yourself and also actively take time to reflect. Reflective practice is something that we do quite often as psychologists, but it's not something that most people are used to doing if they haven't been asked to do it. If you're one of those people who is always switched on, who is always trying to be strong for everyone else, and who is always ready to face any type of challenges, this is your reminder that you also need to rest. You also need to give your body some time to kind of re-energize, and you also need to take time to take stock of the resources that you have within you and understand where your body is at and how you're feeling so you can show up to be a better version of yourself for yourself. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. So, why are you always trying to be switched on? And who are you battling against and when is it ever going to end? Think about this and think about what you can do for yourself today or this week, and how you can make use of a moment to look after yourself so that your future self will be grateful that you took this time. Thanks for listening to this episode, and we'll see you next time. Thanks for listening to this episode of Migrant Munch. If you really liked what you heard today, uh reach out to us, get in touch. Tell us what really inspired you and would love to connect with you and hear more about your story.