It Will Never Be Enough | A Solo Episode in Between

Scrolling through everyone else’s milestones can make it feel like you’re just not doing enough. 

In this solo episode of Migrant Munch, I talk about the impact of loneliness, the constant comparison to other people’s timelines, and the pressure of feeling like you’re somehow “behind” in your own life. From watching others move forward in careers, relationships, or personal growth, to questioning your own pace, I unpack the emotional toll that comparison can take. Unfortunately, this experience is more common (and misleading) than we realise. 

This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered: Why does it feel like everyone else is moving forward except me?

If you’ve been stuck in the comparison trap or feeling alone in your journey, this one’s for you.

Transcript

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One of the biggest challenges that migrants face when they move to a new country is loneliness. My name is Dr. Sharika Senemiratna, and I'm here to talk to you today about loneliness. Loneliness is that feeling when you just don't feel like you fit in anywhere, you don't know where you belong, and you just don't know who to turn to because you just haven't found a group of people where you can go, okay, here are my people, and here are the people who will be there for me when things get tough. It's something most of us will experience, and it's something that can really drag us down because we sort of feel like we have no support and no one to help us when things get tough. When we start to feel lonely as migrants, we tend to kind of revert to what social media is telling us, and so we start to scroll through social media and see all of our friends back home doing amazing things like they might be getting new jobs or promotions, they might be buying houses, they might be getting married or having babies. There's all these different life events that happen, and we sort of go, Wow, that's not me, and that's what I should be doing. It's a really, really tough place to be at, but the reality is that we all face it at some point, and it's not a feeling that goes away very easily. So no matter how much you do and no matter how hard you work, you might default to going on social media and seeing all these things and going, I'm just not doing enough. And so your mind starts to believe that no matter what you do and how much you invest in different activities, you're just not good enough. After my master's, I decided to pursue a PhD. So I didn't have to do it, but I wanted to do it. And at that time, a lot of my colleagues decided to get jobs. So when I finished my PhD three years later, I saw most of my colleagues and other friends who lived back home as well. I saw people getting promoted and moving forward in life, and I just felt a little bit behind because I was thinking, I just finished uni. I decided to stay on. I finished about nine years of university all up, and I'm at the start of my career. It took me a long time to realize how bad this thought was for me and how untrue it was because I wasn't behind. I had just finished one of the biggest hurdles of completing a PhD, something that the others didn't necessarily have. It's a choice that I made and it's something that benefited me in the long term. But I just felt like, wow, if I didn't do a PhD, would I have been in the same position as everyone else and getting promotions and buying a house and doing all of the things people were doing at that time. Looking back now, I realize how unhelpful that thought pattern was because it was just me overthinking things and trying to compare myself to other people. This is a common thing that happens among people, particularly because of social media. Nowadays we have access to so much online and we can see people's lives in real time. But we sometimes forget that what we see on social media isn't the actual truth of what's going on. If you sort of flip it and you look at a migrant who is doing amazing things overseas, you might think, wow, going abroad is a great thing to do because they're just having the best times in their life. The truth is, migrants might be facing all sorts of challenges behind the scenes and just sort of covering it up, right? They might not be talking about all the realities of migrating, like visa issues, or navigating different cultures, or finding a job, or finding a place where they fit in. So essentially, you are causing yourself a little bit of loneliness by spending time on social media comparing yourself to other people without instead focusing on the things that you have done and how far you have come in your journey. Life will always be stressful, and people will go through all sorts of different challenges that are unique to them. None of us are living the exact same life as somebody else. And so that's the first thing that we need to remember. The second thing is we need to stop comparing ourselves to other people because we are all unique in our own ways and we face certain challenges in our lives because we're on a certain path that's taking us to wherever it is that we want to be. When we see someone at the start of their journeys, we think, oh, they've just made an amazing decision. But we don't see the reality behind everything that they're going through. When we see someone at the middle of their journey, we go, wow, they've come so far. But we don't see the struggles that they've been through to get there. Similarly, when we see someone doing really well and achieving amazing things after putting in so much of hard work, we just think, wow, that looks really easy. I could have been there if I'd started the same way as this person. Again, we haven't seen the reality behind what they went through and all of the thoughts and the sleepless nights that they would have had to experience. So feeling behind is such a common thought, but it is up to you to reframe the way that you're feeling and actively think about all of the progress that you have personally made. To do this, I would recommend that you sit down and write all of the things that you've achieved so far. Even if it's just moving to a new country. That in itself is such a huge challenge and you've done it. You've made it. So write it down because that should go on your list of wins. Number two is schedule time to check in with yourself once in a while, whether it's once a week or once a month, whatever is realistic for you and whatever is practical for you, and reflect on how far you've come. Think about the challenges that you've gone through, and then think about all of the things that you have achieved to date. Then think about where you want to go next. And this has to be something you want, and then think about what you can do to get there. So, to recap, think about how far you've come. So, write down all of your achievements, then think about where to next, write down where you want to go, and then think about what your next step is. What is one thing that you can do to get to where you want to be? If you want to buy a house and that's your next big goal, what do you need to do next to get to that goal? Is it saving a deposit? Is it selling off a property that you currently have? Whatever it is, think about an action that you can take to take control over the way that you're feeling and to move closer towards the goal that you want to achieve. Being a migrant can get quite lonely, and it's up to you to remember that you are not behind. You're doing everything that you possibly can, and you need to actively make sure you're not comparing yourself to anyone else and not looking through social media and comparing yourself to all of the things other people have achieved. Take control of your thoughts and focus on the things that you want to do to get to where you want to be in the future, and you'll be surprised at how far you will go. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time. Thanks for listening to this episode of Migrant Munch. If you really liked what you heard today, uh reach out to us, get in touch, tell us what really inspired you, and we'd love to connect with you and hear more about your story.