Growing Up Twice | Hareni’s Journey of Connecting the Dots

⚠️ This episode includes discussions around mental health. Please listen with care.

In this week's episode of Migrant Munch, Hareni reflects on how our life experiences quietly shape who we become. Through stories of growth and change, she shares what it means to look back on your own journey while watching your child begin theirs.

Hareni also opens up about her experiences with mental health, including navigating stigma within the Sri Lankan community, and the importance of having a strong support system that truly believes in you.

✨ This episode is for anyone who feels like life is moving too fast, or anyone in need of a reminder to slow down and be present.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome to Migrant Munch. My name is Dr. Sharika Sanami Ratna and I'll be your host on this podcast. Let's dive into today's story. Hi everyone, and welcome to another episode of Migrant Munch. Today we've got Harani here, and I'll get Harony to introduce herself.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Hi Sharika. Hi everyone. I am Harony. I have lived in Australia for 31 years now, actually. It's been a long time. I'm originally from Sri Lanka. I was born in Colombo and we moved here when I was eight years old. And I have lived here ever since. I believe that life is an expression of who you are at the core. I don't believe in having a title for myself, but I believe in being a lifelong learner, I'd say. Where every little experience is a bit of a dot that you connect along your life path, and then you create this masterpiece that becomes your artwork because you are a masterpiece, and I'm a masterpiece too. So that's me in a nutshell. A bit of a fluffy description, but hey, I'm from marketing, so I have a marketing background. I can't help myself.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

I love that introduction. I think it's so wholesome and so authentic. And uh, you touched on so many different things there around the fact that our experiences are all like dots connecting us to, you know, maybe our next step, even. So, in terms of, I guess, the first question I'm gonna ask you, what was that first experience that you had that led you to where you are today?

SPEAKER_01 1:48

I think moving to Australia as a migrant was definitely one of the biggest milestones that I went through as an individual, um, and also for my family as well. Um, moving from Sri Lanka to Australia meant that we were exposed to a whole different world that is the Western society. Um, and having to integrate into a community, which was so foreign at first because when we came here, you know, we weren't used to the ways of life and the language. Like I knew a bit of English in Sri Lanka, but not as much as I know now because I'm fully fluent. It was such a journey and it really shaped my identity and fueled my growth and allowed me to build on my confidence and my courage because your identity becomes somewhat shaped at that point because you're transitioning from who you thought you were to who you are somewhat expected to be now in a new you know surrounding and society, and then there is that space in between where you also have the freedom to be who you want to be and who you should be for yourself. But at the age of eight, that was a lot to digest. It was also a good age to experience it because you know I had a bit of a sense of self, but I was still growing and learning and absorbing. Moving to Australia was definitely one of those experiences that helped me shape who I am today because I realized that within me there is so much more potential to explore and learn and experience, and all those experiences have led to me being here today. Um, I'm really grateful for my parents for giving me the opportunity and having the courage to leave their lives back in Sri Lanka and move over here as well. Due to the Civil War, it was a decision that they had to make, and they moved here to give us another chance and a different chance of life. So I'm really grateful to them for that experience as well.

SPEAKER_00 4:03

And I think that's a very common feeling amongst a lot of migrants, particularly ones I've spoken to, that moment when you migrate. And it's interesting that you say, you know, you were only eight, but you were quite conscious of the fact that you were leaving behind everything that you probably were familiar with and moving to this strange new country.

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Yeah, it's hard to explain it in words because there are so many emotions that go through you, and those emotions are not really externalized all the time. So now that I think about it, I'm like, how did I make it through that point? But I think also when you're younger, you're a lot more resilient and you live in the present a lot more, so it's easier to digest and just keep moving forward because you're just open-minded and you're wanting to learn and absorb like a sponge. And as we grow older, I feel like you lose a bit of that because we become so um attached to how things may need to be, or what you expect, or what you really want. And so even now having a daughter of my own who's like you know, 20 months and a little pocket rocket of herself, she's wild in the cutest way. Even having her has taught me to be more present and more like a child because there's so much power in that, and we forget that as we get older, because we forget to notice things and we forget to connect the dots, you know, as often as we should. Um we forget to live in the present and then we lose our power, and you know, we face challenges and struggles, and it's harder to come out of that as you get older when you lose a sense of presence. So that's why I'm really passionate about really being anchored to a sense of the now, because it allows me to really enjoy the present moment like I am right now with you. Um, and also even in hard times and struggles and challenging times, it's what really pulls you through to the next moment. Um, and that way you can build your mental resilience and your clarity as well.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

That's a really amazing way to look at it. And I was reflecting on that feeling of being in the here and now as you were saying it, and I was thinking, you are so right. I think a lot of people are just caught up in the rat race of life and just racing through things, right? When you said um we're not really focused on the here and now sometimes, and we are caught up in that. It kind of speaks to the fact that you know, when something stressful happens, we're already thinking about okay, what's next? What's gonna happen, what's the outcome, and so on, without focusing on right here, right now, what can I do to overcome what I'm going through?

SPEAKER_01 7:06

Absolutely. You're on the money there because life is delicate, and as we get older, it humbles us as we age, right? Like we go through so many things, and it's not all doom and gloom, but as you get older and you you confront more serious things in life, it just becomes easier when you can be that present and be anchored to that now because it allows you to tap into that power within you and also see things for what it truly is rather than um the projection of what you think it should be or what it isn't. So when I was 27 years old, Sharika, I quit my marketing career. I decided out of the blue, I wanted to be a life coach because I really was passionate about helping people and I love helping people, it really drives me. And I quit my job and I said to myself, I'm going to be a life coach and I'm going to train as an NLP trainer. I trained with this company that was an NLP coaching company, and inadvertently I ended up joining that company, but I didn't realize it was a cult because they did lots of boo-woo energy work that was really unethical. Their practices were unethical, and um there was lots of hypnotism involved, and I actually ended up having a mental breakdown because I felt so unsafe in that environment, and I felt like I was being taken advantage of. Having acute psychosis, when you become delusional and you have, you know, um delusions about who you are or what you're going through or that kind of thing, it's a really scary place because your mind becomes really fragile and you're predicting all these things that aren't even real. You're like, who am I? And at that point, I lost a sense of my titles, my responsibilities, my roles, um, what I was here to do. Like I just became nothing. And from that place of nothing, I then had to rebuild and reinvent myself up. Because going from that place of nothingness, I just thought to myself, well, what can I do now? You know, I have to start from zero. And going back to zero wasn't the most fun experience, but it's taught me so many incredible lessons about not just life and what it can throw at you, because anything can happen to anyone. It taught me a lot about myself as well as a person, beyond the identity that I see myself as, and beyond the identity that others see me as. So everything just crumbled, you know. And then I know I'm smiling about it now, but I had to smile through that phase because it felt like walking through the fire, and as hard as it was, it's made me so much more resilient now to take on anything that life throws at me. And that perspective and life experience and learning is for me to do what I do now as a brand presence advisor. Because I help people align who they really are at the core, not who they think they are or who others think they are, but who they really are at the heart, and align themselves with work that they're passionate about doing. Because life is so short, and I believe that it's really important to leave a legacy behind.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

That's a very, very powerful story, and I really appreciate you being open and sharing the truth behind everything you went through and where you are today. And my question to you, based off of what you just told us, is what kept you going through that particular moment, especially when you invested all that time in a program that you thought was going to benefit you, and then you realize it was a cult and it was just draining you of energy, essentially, leading you to end up in the mental ward, as you said. What kept you going through all of that? Because you're showing so much of resilience.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

What you see now is not what you you would have seen at that point in time. There was a lot of confusion, there was a lot of fear, there was a lot of uncertainty. You had two migrant parents, my parents, who'd come here, brought their children from Sri Lanka all the way to Australia to give them an education, and then their daughter quits their job, joins a cult, ends up in hospital, and loses herself. They had sleepless nights, you know. And there was so much fear and uncertainty and confusion and grief. I call it my friend now, because unless you become friends with grief, it's really hard to overcome. There were so many emotions that went through us at that point, and I'm so grateful to my parents for sticking by me and to my family, my closest family, like my auntie and my friends that stuck by me through that time without judgment. You know, they were with someone that was not themselves for a long time. And that was really unfamiliar territory. It's a scary place to be, not just for me that was going through it, but for my whole village as such, you know, the village that supported me through it all. Yes, I show resilience, but I also had to do the work. I had to look at myself and go, where am I right now? What am I going through? Obviously, when I was unwell, I was unwell and I didn't recognize myself until I got the treatment and the rehab that I had to go through. And that was a process in itself. But once I came out of the delusions and I tapped back into a sense of who I was and started remembering and reconnecting, that was the point where I went, ah, okay, so I've just been through some sort of episode. Like, you know, everyone goes through life's crucibles. And now I need to start over again. But that starting over point should have been really exciting, but it was really scary because I'd been stripped back from everything. I was in that place of nothing. But now I realize that that place of nothingness is actually a gift because it gave me the opportunity to start over again. Being Sri Lankan and going through a mental health crisis is a really hard thing to go through. There is still so much stigma in society. There is so much fear and judgment when someone goes through something like mental health, is it takes over you and it's not who you are, but you don't have control over that. And it can happen to anyone. So what kept me smiling and going through that season is the quiet moments when those that you love still believe that you're gonna make it your way back, when they still believe that you're going to remember who you are, and they have an unshakable faith that you're gonna make it through. And then you have a belief within yourself, so the belief that I had within myself that I was gonna make it through as well. But that belief can sometimes waver depending on what I was going through on the day. But deep down I knew I was gonna survive this, and that this message is going to help someone else out there that needs to hear that it's gonna be okay for them too. I've actually been through it twice now. I had it for postpartum as well, and I was in hospital for five months that time. So now, in total of my 39 years in life, I've spent 11 months in hospital, and it's been the most humbling experience because you meet people from all walks of life in there. Just really humbling because you realize that as much as everything matters, nothing really matters. Everything is so impermanent, you know. You can lose really big things in really quick moments, and it's really important to stay anchored to the present moment. I've realized that everything can change in a moment, and the two experiences of mental health crisis have taught me that after rain comes the rainbow, and you have to believe in that.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

I think that's something a lot of people tend to forget is focusing on the things that they can control when things don't go very well for them. And I think that also ties really well into what you were saying around being in the present and being in the here and now, and focusing on what you can do right now instead of thinking about what others can do or thinking about what's gonna happen next. And something else you touched on was the fact that coming out of that experience was so scary for you, right? And there were so many emotions involved. And you mentioned that fear that you felt, and that fear of uncertainty is something that is so common amongst humans, right? We we get scared, we're scared of the unknown. Think about the pandemic, right? Everyone just didn't know what was gonna come next, so we just automatically defaulted to being afraid, and so it all ties into being in the now and focusing on the present and just taking it as it comes and realizing these experiences will lead you to someplace great in the end.

SPEAKER_01 17:41

You've summed it up really well, Sharika. Like, I think uncertainty is such a big thing in life because when we're young, like while I watch my daughter, she's so certain about everything, she knows what she wants, she gets it, you know, and she makes everything of every moment. But as you go older, you become fearful, and that fear becomes conditioning. Um, and when it's conditioned into you by others or society or expectations or whatever you want to label it, we become so fearful. And despite what goes on in life and the uncertainty that might be there, when you stop to notice all the things that are happening to you and around you, it injects more power into that moment and it gives you more control, like you said, control in a negative way, but control in a way that's freeing you up to proactively deal with situations rather than reactively.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

So, what's one piece of advice you would give to our listeners to help them live more in the present and live more in the now?

SPEAKER_01 18:52

I'd say come back to your breath because your breath is your anchor to living in every moment. Without your breath, you've got nothing. Just connecting with breath is I think such an important practice to do, whether it's meditation or reflecting or going for a walk or um even sitting with a friend that's going through a hard time and just breathing with them. Like you can sit in silence. Like when I was in hospital, so many people would come and sit with me. And it's those little acts of giving and compassion and care that we need more of.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

That's a really good way to sum it all up, I think. Um, when you come back to your breath, essentially, you are being more focused on the here and now, and you are forcing yourself to kind of stop your thoughts and stop all of the things going on and go, okay, I'm just gonna focus on my breathing now and pay more attention to the people around me, to the things happening around me, and feel what I'm feeling right now. I think that's a beautiful way to end today's episode as well. So I really, really appreciate you coming on the podcast and being open about your journey and talking through some of the things that you've been through and also really highlighting the importance of being in the here and now. So thank you, Hernanie. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Thank you, Sharika. It was really nice to connect with you. Thank you for the opportunity to connect with yourself and your audiences today as well.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

Thanks for listening to this episode of Migrant Mind Shop. If you really like what you heard today, uh reach out to us, get in touch. Tell us what really inspired you and would love to connect with you and hear more about your story.