Rest is Earned | A Solo Episode in Between

In this episode, I talk about what it feels like to go on holiday and not fully switch off - to be away from work, but still feel like you should be doing more. Sometimes, as migrants, we feel like we must 'earn' rest.

There’s this quiet voice that says you should be making the most of every opportunity, to then prove that taking a break was justified. Even when nothing is actually wrong, that feeling of obligation can still sit underneath everything.

This episode is about noticing that pattern...not judging it, but understanding where it comes from...because maybe rest doesn’t have to be something we earn through exhaustion. Maybe it’s something we’re allowed to have without explanation?

Transcript

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Have you ever gone somewhere on holiday and suddenly you feel this sense of guilt creeping in because you feel guilty for being on holiday and actually taking a break from life. Hi and welcome to another episode of Migrant Munch with me, your host, Dr. Sharika Senamiratna. Today we're going to be talking about that feeling of guilt that creeps up when we decide to go on holiday or take a short break. So, a couple of weeks ago, I went to Sri Lanka for a short holiday, and I decided to completely switch off because it was a quieter period at work, and I really did need the break because things had gotten very hectic for me, and I was feeling kind of burnt out as well. I do a lot of work around burnout, so it had come to a point where I was starting to think about why I was feeling burnt out and what I could actually implement because it is also important to practice what I preach, and so I knew that it was time for me to take a break. So I got on the plane and I went back to Sri Lanka, a place that I called home for many, many years of my life, and it was amazing. I got to spend time with friends and family, I got to just completely switch off, and I actually barely put my computer on, which is quite rare for me. I felt a sense of calm and I felt so relaxed because I was able to just sleep in, watch Netflix, hang out with friends, enjoy the occasional afternoon gin session, and just be more present and feel all the feelings of being back in a place that used to be my home. On a few occasions though, as I was present and enjoying myself, I started to feel this sense of guilt creep in. I wanted to explore why I was feeling this way, and so I thought about it quite a bit. Why was I feeling guilty and what had caused this experience of sudden guilt? I realized that it was one of those rare occasions where I had taken a break and completely switched off. It's not something that was normal for me. I also realized that most migrants shared this same experience as I did. Because when we moved to a different country, we come with this focus of working hard, building a life for ourselves, and just doing everything we can to be okay and to build that comfortable life where we are successful and we are thriving in whatever it is that we choose to do. So we're constantly switched on, we're constantly wanting to do more, we're constantly wanting to be more, and then suddenly there comes a point where we decide to take a break and everything just stops. There's no pressure, there's no expectation, and there's literally nothing that is urgently needing to get done. It's a very strange feeling, and it's one that we're not used to as migrants. When I was doing some research around this feeling of guilt that had come over me, I realized it was quite common amongst most migrants. The reason being that we feel this sense of obligation when we move to a new country and when we start to build our lives because we know that it has come with lots of sacrifices on our part and on the parts of other people in our lives, including our family members. And so we feel guilty when we decide to just kind of switch off and take a break because it just feels so selfish. We feel this sense of moral duty to support our family. We also feel this sense of having to keep up with our responsibilities and stay in control of helping and doing. This obligation causes this guilt that overcomes us, and suddenly you find yourself thinking, am I actually worthy of taking this break? Do I deserve it? So we get into this spiral of talking ourselves through why we don't deserve a break. But in reality, we forget that we have worked quite hard, we have done a lot of stuff in the past to get us to where we are today, and so we should be taking this break because we do actually deserve it. We also feel guilty about spending money on relaxing or taking holidays or trips because it seems like that money should be better spent elsewhere. It also seems quite selfish to spend that money on ourselves when we should be helping other people who deserve it more. Interestingly, taking time off can actually trigger guilt and shame and conflict within ourselves, especially when there are other obligations, when there's this pressure to help other people or look after other people, and when we suddenly have to leave behind our responsibilities, even if it's a short time. It's also quite interesting that even though we are aware of this guilt, we still don't understand why we deserve the holiday, and so we try and talk ourselves out of taking those breaks. We feel that we need to earn rest. This is a common feeling for me as well, and I really spend that time reflecting on why I felt that way, and also I try to think about what the reasons were behind why I needed the break. It's a tricky feeling to overcome, but it's one that we need to be able to overcome so we can look after ourselves and we can prioritize our own well-being as well. If you're feeling tired, you do need the break. Even if you feel like you aren't worthy of a break, you have to take it because that's your time to rest and it's your body giving you signs to tell you that it's time to actually step back and just re-energize and recover from all of the stress that you put yourself through. So the problem isn't that you're not doing enough, it's that you might be doing too much with minimum recovery time. And so you need to tell yourself that you do actually need the rest and you do actually need to take that break so you can re-energize and become a better version of yourself. I felt it myself when I actually tried to switch off and I took that break. I felt so great when I came back. I felt motivated to work hard, and I also felt motivated and grateful for the people that I work with because I had that time to take the break, recover, come back, and then work even more effectively than before. So, this is your reminder. You don't need to earn a rest, but you do need to reframe the way that you think about rest. We all need time off, and we all need time to recover when we go through stressful situations, even if it's just a stressful week at work. So take the time to rest, even if it's just one day off, and you'll find that you'll be thankful for it later. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time. Thanks for listening to this episode of Migrant Munch. If you really liked what you heard today, uh reach out to us, get in touch, tell us what really inspired you and would love to connect with you and hear more about your story.