EP04-Feelings. The Other 'F' Word

You’ve cleared scenes most people wouldn’t survive.
But the minute someone asks how you feel, you’re looking for the exit.

In this episode, Erin takes aim at one of the most avoided (and most powerful) forces in the first responder world: feelings.
No, this isn’t therapy. But it is your emotional fiber supplement.

You’ll hear:
Why “I’m just tired” is code for “I’m carrying 9 years of unresolved grief and rage”
How emotional shutdown becomes your default and why it backfires
What fine and angry have in common (they’re both BS)
Why naming your emotions isn’t weakness...it’s intel

A 3-word tool you can use after every shift to keep the emotional backlog from exploding

MENTAL FIREPOWER:
The 3-Word Emotional Check-In
After your next shift—or any hard moment—ask yourself:
Right now, I feel ____ , ____ , and ____.
No judgment. No overthinking. Just name it.

CALL OUT:
Try it after one shift.
Then do it again.
Bonus points if you text it to a peer who gets it—or invites someone to do it with you.
Your feelings aren't the problem. Avoiding them is.

WHO THIS IS FOR:
First responders stuck in “I’m fine” mode
Partners who get shut out by emotional deflection
Crews that joke through everything but feel everything anyway
Anyone afraid that if they start talking, they won’t be able to stop

LIKE THE SHOW?
Rate. Review. Subscribe.
And send this to the most emotionally constipated member of your crew (gently)

Want updates? Sign up for news and tools at:
https://theflashpointpodcast.com/

emotional shutdown, first responder mental health, emotional avoidance, feelings check-in, responder burnout, emotional resilience, nervous system overload, emotional regulation, mental firepower, burnout recovery, responder stress, emotional deflection, somatic awareness, leadership and emotional intelligence, mental health tools for high-stress jobs

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Music from #Uppbeat
https://uppbeat.io/t/needmospace/chill-power
License code: QUUZB4TP7STKMLJN

Music from #Uppbeat

https://uppbeat.io/t/needmospace/chill-power

License code: QUUZB4TP7STKMLJN

Transcript

Erin Maccabee: ~You've cleared shootings, you have pulled bodies, you've made death notifications, but, but.~[00:00:00] 

Let's get super transparent about something that you all might consider to be the biggest effort of them all feelings. Because what's funny about it is you've cleared these shootings, you pull bodies out of random places. You make death notifications. You do the most horrific things of horrific things, but the minute someone asks you how you feel, suddenly it's like, oh man, I gotta be somewhere.

Right. So let's just call it what it is in case you weren't aware of what it is. And that is emotional deflection. You guys just put, and gals just put a fancy outfit on it and it still is emotional deflection. So today we're diving into why responders are emotionally constipated. Yes. And now holding all that shit [00:01:00] in is actually slowing you down.

This isn't therapy, but it is your emotional fiber. So buckle up 'cause we're gonna talk about one of the biggest F words of them all feelings. here's what emotional avoidance might look like in the wild for you. You don't talk about work at home, but then on the flip side, you also don't talk about anything else.

then when you have some kind of response like, eh, I'm just tired. Yeah, that translation is actually, I've been carrying around nine years of unresolved rage and grief and I'm not in a position to open my mouth right now, so I'm gonna claim tired as the out for having any kind of conversation that might turn into an argument or a disagreement.

This really, I'm sure sounds familiar. You joke about everything. [00:02:00] And this is something I hear a lot in sessions is once I cry, I'm afraid the flood gates will open and I won't be able to shut it off. Does any of that ring a bell?

~The cool thing is the job definitely rewards you,~

~so I get it.~ This job rewards you for staying stoic, for keeping that stone face. But what happens is that your body adapts. You get that tight jaw, you get a clenched gut. the brain and gut have a connection. You get your heart all locked up into a vault, and the problem is the vault is only so big and that vault becomes full, and eventually what happens is it leaks and then it explodes, and then the outbursts come, and then the shutdowns come. all of a sudden you're crying at something random like.

A Folgers commercial, or do they even have Folgers commercials anymore? I don't know. I feel like everybody streams, but you get [00:03:00] the point, right? I hope so.

So I'm gonna offer you a little bit of mental firepower here that you can deploy this week, and that is the three word emotional check-in. What I'm going to invite you to do is after a shift, especially a hard shift,

or after a moment. Especially a hard moment Ask yourself right now. I feel blank, blank and blank. No filters, no judging yourself. Just name the damn thing, get honest. What are the three things that you're feeling right now? So an example might be Pissed, hollow and wired. Or relieved. Numb and itchy.

Yeah. Even if it's a sensation, I think that counts too. So whatever three things you can [00:04:00] actually name and call out that you're feeling in that moment, because if you can name those emotions, you have the capabilities of taming them as well. and this is a joke that we joke about often, is it seems like responders have two emotions, fine and angry.

And again, that's another deflection, right? So we really want to figure out what are these specific things, and I even have something called an emotions wheel or a feelings wheel, because it is something that. When we are so used to shutting everything off, we become disconnected with the huge range of emotions that we experience as human beings.

So getting into practice of just recognizing in those moments how you might be feeling is very, very important to allowing you to diffuse what could potentially turn into a giant messy outburst later on. Again, I wanna elaborate that you can't unload what you won't identify. And that's [00:05:00] what this is all about, is getting to the heart of the matter, figuring out who you really are and what you're actually feeling. So here's a debrief. You don't need to get in touch with your feelings. You don't need to stop pretending you don't have any naming.

What you feel doesn't make you soft either. It makes you self-aware. Self-awareness is the biggest key, and that's exactly what keeps you from melting down or having those blowups that you would rather not be having at inopportune times, like with your family members or. the guy that won't drive fast enough, that drives like an a-hole in front of you when you're on your way home

so you don't have to talk about it all. I think that's a key thing is we feel like I have so much to unload that I'm never gonna get to the other side of that because I have so much to talk about and you don't have to talk about it all. Just name the three things.

The important thing is that you just stop swallowing it whole and thinking it's not gonna [00:06:00] have consequences. So your call out for this week is try the three word emotional check-in after your next shift. That's it. Try your three word emotional check-in after your next shift.

If that turns something on in you, maybe you feel like, okay, that was kind of cool that I acknowledged where I am. Then do it the following shift and just continue that process until you start to really notice that you have a That you have a good touch point on how you're actually experiencing things in your day. And guess what? I love giving Gold Star. I'm a big advocate for wins journals writing down the wind of the day. So bonus points, if you text it to someone who actually gets it, maybe you are inviting someone to do this with you too.

And if this episode hit close to home today, give it a rate and review, subscribe, and send it to the emotionally repressed unit member of your choice. [00:07:00] Preferably someone that's not gonna punch you for it. But it's important that we start to spread the word about the tools that are out there. And sometimes the only people.

That will actually get through to their people. Are you, I can sit here and talk all day about this stuff and if it's not getting into the hands that need it the most, then why am I even doing it? Doesn't even matter. All right, friends. Good luck. You've been listening to the Flashpoint Podcast where we train the brain and occasionally force feed emotional growth to the unwilling. But hey, here we are doing our best. I'm your coach, Erin, and we'll catch you next round. Hopefully with a little less rage the next time.

All right, make it a strong day, y'all. See you soon.